Husband worries he doesn't measure up?

[Guest Unregistered]

I come to today to seek advice. Clearly I cannot seek such advice in any mainstream forum because this issue has much to do with this site. I would very much appreciate sincere replies from the heart and not any superficial male testosterone induced ego BS

 

I am a female 42 married to a very handsome 48-year-old man who is the joy in my life, a wonderful caring husband and awesome father of our two small children. My hubby who stands 6’6” with those broad shoulders and “Ken doll face” is the type that can turn the heads of even young attractive women when he is in the room. He is a very attentive lover and has always given me sexual pleasure beyond my wildest dreams.

 

So what’s the problem you ask? Well, for years we have fantasized about sharing each other with others. Last weekend I took him to a topless club to get him all aroused. I don’t do that often, It was a spur of the moment thing. We met a couple there that we bonded with and they talked us into checking out a swingers club where they had a membership. We looked at each other and winked and said why not? Lets go!!!

 

We have never been with anybody before. We have never been to a club like that before. It wasn’t a club actually, it was a large house. There were perhaps 100 or so people there mostly couples. The place had a dance floor, a movie room and other more secluded rooms where there was much activity.

 

We chatted and mingled and after a bit got really horny. When we decided to join in I was amazed at all the well-endowed men. My hubby is of average size and when it became apparent to him that he didn’t measure up ……well…..you know, he had some problems and felt intimidated. Clearly it was all in his head. There were a couple of women there that drooled over him and didn’t seem to mind that his erection was only 7’ long. When he noticed the other men there, he went limp and I could tell this wasn’t going to work.

 

He wouldn’t allow himself to have a good time and I picked up on that fact immediately and knew he was feeling uncomfortable. I took him aside and he said that he was indeed uncomfortable around so many large endowed men.

 

We left.

 

He doesn’t want to go back. He feels that he doesn’t measure up.

 

My god people, he is such an awesome lover. I don’t know what to do. I try to reassure him but he just doesn’t want to swing thinking that he will not be able to perform.

 

What can I do?

[lindyswing 15]

Maybe the following will help:

1) 7 inches is an inch-and-a-half above average

2) to have a chance with me, he'd have to agree to only put in 6 inches--IMHO, your husband too big & he's going to slam into my cervix if he thrusts that much in--ouch!

3) G spots are 1-2 inches into the vagina--big dicks, including your husband's 7-inch monstrosity go way past them!

4) size matters, but in the opposite way that the male ego & porn industry seems to project onto us women...to make my case, I'll quote Betty Dodson, sexpert extraordinnaire, from her book _Orgasms for Two_:

"Far too many men are overly concerned with the size of their dicks instead of focusing on mastering sexual skills to become great lovers...according to the thousands of women I've talked with, most of them are more interested in what surrounds the penis--the whole man. Getting fucked by a giant, rock-hard cock that shoots a huge load of semen is a man's fantasy of male sexual prowess, not a woman's. While some experts claim a vagina is a collapsed space that will accommodate any size penis, I disagree. My own vaginal barrel is around 6 inches deep, so I have a problem if a man's penis is too big. Then I know it can hurt and I'm unable to relax and move freely. Small doesn't matter that much because even a finger inside my vagina feels good with the right rhythm and movement. Besides, like most women, I can't come from penis/vagina sex, so I'm more interested in what's happening to my clit..." (p. 169-170) ....yeah, what she said! Men, get over your penis size fetish, please!

[Spoomonkey 421]

If he is seven inches and you went to a place where most men were longer - you stumbled on a bit of a freak show...

 

Then again, he could have the same problem a friend of mine has. I have a buddy who always looks around at guys who are naked at the club and wildly over guesses their size. "Gee, he's eight inches if he's anything at all" or "that horse is definitely swinging ten."

 

I like having him around because I know he is similarly over guessing me as well

 

Truth is - he does that because he has himself stuck on six... Well - he's actually lucky if he is just over five, but I think it makes him feel good to be "average" and then just assume everyone else in the world is well endowed.

 

Guys who are fixated on penis size are very unlikely to be very good swingers. Your husband needs to overcome this for himself - but until he does - he isn't likely to enjoy himself.

 

Spoomonkey

[fun4Ds 1,098]

mr. fun here , sorry your hubby feels that way and he is a lucky man to have you as the #1 partner in his life. im an avrage 6 and in my younger years it got to me sometimes. i finaly accepted myself as who i am. we have had some partners who are well endowed. mrs fun honestly tells me that is exciting to her sometimes. however she would rather be tickled to death than stabbed to death anytime. so far 90% of them didnt know how to use it and most ruined it with their mouths afterwards. comments like "i really tore that up" makes them no longer a well endowed man but just a "dick" . we like the couples that we keep for friends.some are a little bigger some the same. the sex is alot better when there is fun and excitement. it has done more for my (ego) just to hear from the female half of the couples that we know that they would love to get together again simply because i care how a woman feels . her likes and dislikes and that i listen instead of thinking with my dick. we havent had anyone tell us they wouldnt want to get together again because of my 6". i work in a rough inviroment with mostly males and i hear it all. im ok with myself because of the women in my life not the men. if they only knew what i am smiling about they probly wouldnt understand. if it is an ego dick size problem talk about it with each other. if its performance anxiety problem keep talking. hope any of this helps

[oncewere 84]

There is an old joke that might be interesting

 

A Shakespeare group were going to put on a series of his plays but didn't have enough money to advertize. The finally dug up enough to put this tiny ad in the paper.

2 inches 4 inches 8 inches

wet dry

 

which any shakespear affictionado would understand:

 

Much ado about nothing As you like it Taming of the shrew

 

A midsumer's night dream The twelfth night.

[Thrax 384]

When I got involved in swinging five years ago, I was a little apprehensive about my size too. I'm 6' tall, and I'm a grower, not a shower. On most days I can get a nicely average 6" erection, but at it's worst (especially when it's cold) when the little bugger is soft it can look like a button on a fur coat. I had already been a nudist for 15 years, and was very comfortable being nude around both sexes in a neutral setting. But I was really worried about how my particular showing "down there" would be perceived in a sexually charged setting when it was possible that I would end up nekkid in front of a whole lot of other people.

 

I needn't have worried. As other posters in this thread have mentioned, women tend to look at the whole package. Even though I was nervous -- and I'm fairly shy anyway -- I just used the good ole first-date strategy: being well-groomed, dressing reasonably well (right down to the freshly laundered underwear), being attentive and a little flirtatious, etc. And of course, when it comes time to play, it's very rarely a case of lick-it and stick-it. In the swinging world, as in the vanilla world, women usually want a man to be able to use other body parts effectively as well. So, the females are most often looking for a well-oiled machine, not just a single piston.

 

My first MFM really convinced me size wasn't the be-all and end-all. A couple that I met at some parties -- but whom I had never played with -- invited me to their house for some play. She had happened to see me at my softest and hardest at one of those other parties, so she knew what goods she was buyin'. However, I'd never seen either of them nekkid. Well, at their house that evening eventually all the clothes were off and her husband had a unit that by all rights belonged on one of your larger species of livestock. Once I got over the initial shock of seeing what I was "competing" against, I got to work. And discovered that I wasn't competing. As far as she was concerned I was a variation on a theme. Seeing as how I've been invited back several times over the years, and that she has acted as a reference for me for a single female and another couple, I guess the variation was acceptable.

 

By the way, please don't construe any of that as boasting on my part. It's just how I came to the realization that "it's not the size of the dog in the fight..." (Not that I want to fight: Make love, not war.)

[txduo2000 18]

As a woman for whom size DOES matter, I was reluctant to post on this thread.

 

However, seeing as I am also a woman who has difficulty staying out of anything I consider to be interesting discussion, I have given up fighting myself.

 

As I said, size DOES matter to me. I haven't been with too many "small" men, but when I have, they have been both small AND ineffective. However, I will also state that at 7", your husband is hardly what I would call small. In fact, being that size matters to me, my "minimum" preference is 7", as my husband is 8, and I realize that not every man is "as lucky as my husband (and me!)" . As the statistical average for penis size is around 5.75", your husband definitely would fit in among the "well-endowed" category. As Spoo said, if every man at this party was larger than your husband, that was definitely a strange phenomenen indeed.

 

For those here who have had more experience with swinging, I have noticed that it definitely depends on the way that a man uses his package, no matter what the size. There are those with smaller penises, who can really "rock a world", then there are those with larger penises, who cannot last more than 3 strokes, or they jab too hard with it (hitting that ultra sensitive cervix ... OUCH!), or they cannot maintain an erection. All sorts of problems befall men of all endowments. It's just that I seem to find the ones with most of those problems are the owners of smaller than average penises. :rollseyes So perhaps that's where my bias comes in.

 

I will state that I have had one play partner that I will not play with again, and the primary reason is that he is very small. He told us 7", in reality it's around 3" fully erect, and very thin (maybe around 1" circumference). He has difficulty achieving an erection, then difficulty maintaining when he does achieve. His sex style is so bizarre ... very without rhythm, just kind of wild and a few thrusts here, nothing, a couple more, then nothing again. It's all so very strange. I have given it three opportunities to improve, but it hasn't so I am not going there again. Incidentally, he is part of a married couple, relatively active in the lifestyle. Though they normally do MFMs, and the wife is constantly in search of "well endowed" men ... wonder why???? lol

 

I would, as some others have suggested, advise you to ask your husband to read this board, and do some searches on penis size, because there are many threads on that particular subject. Let him work on getting past this feeling of not measuring up, because believe me, he does. And more important than that, you have yourself said he is an outstanding lover. That in itself says all it needs to say.

 

Let me also add that I am in the minority, apparently in the world at large, as well as on this board. For most women, it seems size plays a very small part in sex for them (no pun intended.)

[WesternSwing 504]

As Spoo said, you found a freak show. Look at the penis poll on this board and you'll see that out of over 700 respondents only 17% are larger than 7"

 

Now Mrs. WS likes em' all, she is from the "it's not the penis but what it's attached to" camp. I have seen both smaller and larger penises make her scream and weak in the knees. I have also seen larger penises and bad technique scramble her innards and prevent us from having sex for days after because she is so sore. And, I've never had a complaint about sex with me from the wife of a better endowed man then I.

 

So tell your husband to chill about his penis size. 83% of the time he will be the larger one in the room, and 100% of the time it will be the perfect size for you and anybody you play with.

 

Mr. WS

[txduo2000 18]

Please also take the time to register and introduce yourself to the boards in our Introductions forum.

 

It sounds like you two are definitely newbies to the idea of swinging, and I can guarantee you can gain a great deal of insight from other board members here on a variety of swinging-related subjects. We are always glad to have new members, because even newbies can give different perspectives on different situations.

 

And registering will give you the ability to come back to this thread and give any comments you may have on this particular thread.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

My husband said he's just happy being average.....and so am I. I've had small, medium and large, and the mediums can bang the hell outta me without hurting. There's nothing worse than being in the middle of things and all of a sudden getting a stroke that hurts. Big mood killer!

 

Just as women worry about being fat and men don't care as much, men worry about penis size.

 

Oh, and here's an interesting link to info about penis size: Size

 

Pepper

[Chicup 42]

This one time at band camp......

 

If 7" was small something is wrong here and I have kinda a hard time imagining this happening. Between locker rooms, nude beaches, and swing clubs I've never seen anything close to 7" being below average. Unless it was a club that you have to 'measure up' to get into I don't buy it.

 

So either this is a work of fiction, the Mr. is really much smaller than 7" but the rest is true, or they stumbled into a freak show.

 

If its a work of fiction, and I do think it is, the intro would fit into any erotic story, I say bravo.

 

If he is really much smaller, then yes swinging will be somewhat difficult with women that are used to larger ones. Once the Mrs. Chicup found out that someone was much smaller then me and while the foreplay was great, the sex didn't measure up for her. Size does matter yes. Sooner or later we will hook up with a couple where I'm the small guy, and I'm sure I'll be a bit unsure/intimidated by it, but thats part of the game.

 

If he really is 7" 's then show him these posts to show you ran into some sort of big penis freak show.

[DBL D 120]

I do hope that your man can get over his feelings.

 

1) The other guys don't determine who he will play with; the ladies do and I've heard that some guys can't take their wives in certain locations, where the smaller guy is often invited to enjoy.

 

2) Larger guys can't get deep-throated as easily.

 

3) Larger guys can't get it all "in", smaller guys get to enjoy the feeling of full penetration.

 

Being LARGE isn't all it's cracked up to be.

 

Male D

[Pepper & Drew 384]

1) I've heard that some guys can't take their wives in certain locations, where the smaller guy is often invited to enjoy.

 

Very, very good point. A friend of ours never gets any "backdoor action" because of his size....

 

Pepper

[sweetshyquiet 15]

A friend of ours never gets any "backdoor action" because of his size...

 

I screen for "too big" for this very reason, because I'm a fan of that... and I'm not willing to spend time with someone that can't be full-service.

 

And, we're also looking for a third for DP and it's the same story -- X amount of total space and Y amount of material to put in said space isn't going to compute with some monstro-wang in the picture. Not unless I want to leave on a stretcher.

 

A large endowment is fun on occasion from a novelty perspective, but I would happily take "average" for the daily diet, because it's just so much more versatile.

 

So, just another vote for "sure, size does matter: both ways."

[tojoe59 17]

I would like to give you some insight from the bigger then average guy:

I'm 9 inch and very thick and not a black, just blessed. I did not make it that big it came with the body and what was handed down from dear old dad. Thanks Dad.

Having a large tool has gotten me some great lovers. whan they first see it it's OMG...

Then the down side 90% of the women can't suck it because it's to thick and long.

About 1/2 of my lovers can't last an hour fucking because it makes them sore. More then a few can't even take it all in a slow deep thrust.

Anal..Can't even bring it up. If she not able to let me in the front door. The back door would kill her and i'm not into that.

I have met alot of women that go crazy seeing and playing with a larger then they have had cock. They try to do more then they can handle and the pay the price later. Plus they don't call me to come back because I hurt them inside.

This is not an ad for me. This is to let you know that sometimes smaller can be better for some and bigger is not always the best tool. Be happy tith what you got.

[valley 25]

Im still having trouble coming to terms with every guy at the 'house',being bigger than 7". Is that not a statistical improbability? or were they only invited by size?

 

Some how I tend to agree with Chicup.

[DBL D 120]

I have to agree that size DOSE matter. Pretty much because Male D is about 7" +. When he is ready to cum, I'm sure he gets up to 8" or so. Or at least it feels like it. So yes.... I do ask on our profile for average or more and that I might ask you about it as well. LOL

I have been with a few men that were about 5.5 or so and it just didn't work for me.

Now that being said, I think I might run if I see 10" cumming at me Hubby has a thing to see a women taking a HUGE dildo and enjoying every inch of it. I just can't do that yet and not sure if I want to. Every now and than I do give it a try, but not during a DP. OMG

As far as the back door goes, If you can take it in your pussy by the time you get to the back door for me I'm ready MOST of the time to take it all because I'm so turned on.

 

Fem D

[chattyroni 15]

Besides, like most women, I can't come from penis/vagina sex, so I'm more interested in what's happening to my clit..." (p. 169-170) ....yeah, what she said! Men, get over your penis size fetish, please!

 

Yeah - what lindyswing said! I've only had one instance in my entire life (and I've had the pleasure of many men) where size was an issue. I was much younger and single and the guy had a very nice car, but that was all! As a matter of fact, I'm still not sure we technically had sex because I couldn't feel it! But I'm talking about maybe 2 inches - heck maybe it just never got hard and I couldn't tell (I wasn't nearly as experienced back then )

 

I love average sized cocks - they are so much easier to swallow!

 

Roni

[lordy 15]

my hubby is 5.5 and that is just fine with me. he's always trying to get me to drive our 9 inch dido home but i can only get about 6 inches before it hurts. bottom line you can only take as much as god allows your body to handle ?

[valley 25]

my hubby is 5.5 and that is just fine with me. he's always trying to get me to drive our 9 inch dido home but i can only get about 6 inches before it hurts. bottom line you can only take as much as god allows your body to handle ?

 

Suggest he bend over and let you 'drive' the dildo home in him....lets see if he asks again.

[Dynamar 246]

Suggest he bend over and let you 'drive' the dildo home in him....lets see if he asks again.

BWAH-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!

[Vespertine 31]

Suggest he bend over and let you 'drive' the dildo home in him....lets see if he asks again.

Absofuckinglutely.

[EmeraldCoast 16]

Suggest he bend over and let you 'drive' the dildo home in him....lets see if he asks again.

 

 

Tooo funny!

 

I've had BIG and I've had small. But not many of either . (It's usually the ladies I go for. ) But, I would have to say that I definately enjoy gurth over length. I'd rather it tickle the sides then beat the heck outta my cervix. Besides if it won't fit or it's not fun.

 

*KK*

[sexyshelby 19]

Absofuckinglutely.

 

Dito

 

Too funny!!!

[Deptydog 15]

I used to feel left out when I read in ads or profiles that they were looking for "well-endowed". Not anymore. I'm happy with what I have and I haven't had any complaints since I learned how to use it properly. (I'd like to make a public apology to most of my early lovers)

 

I used to date one woman who I would term a "size-queen". Her prior lover was 9"+ and although I satisfied her (or seemed to) she would always compare me to Mr. Big. I learned a lot about inventiveness and patience when it came to sex with her.

 

If your husband is 7" and was smaller than everyone there, you must have been at a horse breeding facility, not a swing party.

[OnHArry 23]

Ever heard the story about how men estimate length, they hold two fingers about 4 inches apart and say that is eight inches right.

 

Or the other one about the woman who complained to her lover after sex, that she was unaware he had such a small organ. His answer was, "I did not know I would be playing in a cathedral.

 

Personally I am 6 long measured properly, and about 5 and a bit in girth, and the comment I get from most of my swing partners is, that they cannot believe how hard I am. As to the husband being seven inches and everyone being much bigger then I refer you to the first joke.

[valley 25]

As for jokes of a serious nature,friends of ours agreed on having a second honeymoon....but he insisted it would be his turn this time,to sit on the side of the bed and cry "it's too big".

[2inVT 122]

A lot of times I think the perception of a man's penis size depends on the size of a man overall.

 

Mr2's got 8 inches, but he's a big guy (6'3, husky) so it doesn't look as large. (He's always saying he wished he had a big dick - which he really does have LOL) The same penis on a short, skinny guy would look e-fucking-normous; on him it looks average.

 

We've played with one guy who you'd swear had a 9" dick when you looked at him naked, but he measures at about 6".

 

For me, size is not important. I can suck on smaller dicks longer, yay, and anal works better too. Larger dicks have their advantages too. It's all good, depending who it's attached to and how he uses it.

 

This is a no-win issue, though, very similar to "Does my ass look big in these pants?"

[sexyshelby 19]

This is a no-win issue, though, very similar to "Does my ass look big in these pants?"

 

Interesting comparison, but very true.

And you're absolutely right, how big it LOOKS depends a lot on the size of the overall man.

 

~SS

[Alura 2,775]

Vespertine wrote:

 

Absofuckinglutely

 

Ah,... that Ves! She certainly has a way with words! TeeHee!

 

Mr. Alura

[EmeraldCoast 16]

Interesting comparison, but very true.

And you're absolutely right, how big it LOOKS depends a lot on the size of the overall man.

 

~SS

 

 

I agree 100%

 

*KK*