New swingers...we're done with it, here's why:

[Charger500 30]

Good day

 

Well my wife and I gave the "lifestyle" a chance and we're done. Just wanted to share why it's not for us for new people who are interested... maybe old people too.

1) Time - meeting people and writing is a lot of work. We found about 1/2 the people don't write back and of those that do only 1/2 of them will actually meet

2) People - With a few exceptions we really were not really impressed with the people we met from SLS ...actually to be honest most were creepy! Now I'm not trying to slam anyone but I guess we were just looking for friends and then MAYBE something more. We just got "weird" vibes from people. No we're not snobs but we just didn't feel comfortable with most of the people

3) STD's - This is always a risk no mater how you protect yourself, it's really just a matter of cost an benefit...is it worth the chance to pick up HPV or something even with a condom. That is foremost on my mind as I inspect someone for cold sores, bumps, discharge be fore we kiss or anything...kind of takes the fun out of it...actually takes a lot of the fun out

4) Just not worth it - We've been married 20 years, our sex is great and just don't need the complication or CHANCE of complications

 

OK what did we like

 

-We LOVED the parties! I discovered my wife is a dancing machine. The people there were fun, non-pushy and there for a good time. We're still going to go to the parties to dance and socialize just not engage with anyone else but ourselves

- Did meet a few nice friends

 

 

I'm sure many people have fun and there are good stories and experiences but it just didn't work for us. We don't regret our experience, we learned a lot and had a few good times.

 

Good luck!

[Alura 2,775]

Thanks for your input, Charger.

 

Your decision has been made on undeniable fact. It's a perspective we don't often get here.

 

Your post reminded me of a nurse we once met through the lifestyle. I felt like I was getting a physical. "Open wide... let me have a look in there..." not the most erotic beginning to a kiss...

 

We hope you will hang around and post with us. Your experience is good for the board.

 

Good Luck!

Alura

[DBL D 120]

I feel like you have really short-changed yourselves, not to mention those of us who feel that is a good waste of our time to try to find playmates that match up with us well. If you don't feel that way there other avenues available to you where you might not feel like things were so encumbered with details...like going to a club or a "dance".

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Male D

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Nothing stopping you from continuing to go to socials and enjoy the parties/atmosphere/dancing/ flirting without any of the negatives that you mentioned.

 

Swinging is definately not for everyone.

[dave110256 21]

Great to get another perspective on swinging. Our search results have been difficult as well but we have another perspective. Anything (or anyone) worth having is worth a lot of effort. Kind of like searching for that perfect Christmas present, you never find it easily. It takes a lot of thought, planning and searching. To us, the planning and search is half of the thrill..........just our take on this.

[txduo2000 18]

It's been said before, and it will continue to be said: Swinging is not for everyone.

 

You have discovered that the time it takes to meet quality people is simply not worth your effort. Fair enough. For others, it is worth the effort because the rewards (generally) exceed the expectation and make the effort well worth it all. And, incidentally, I have noticed that it seems that the incidences of STDs are lower among swingers than the typical, mainstream population. Perhaps because most of the couples have been married to one another for quite some time, and because they take care to protect themselves and their partners in the lifestyle. Being in this lifestyle, I think people are much more aware of "what's out there" and strive to keep themselves healthy.

 

And you know, Julie is right. There is nothing stopping you from continuing to go to the clubs for your own purposes, which do not have to include actually swinging. Flirting, mingling, dancing and watching others can be very exciting in and of itself. Then the two of you simply go home, alone, and have a great time between yourselves. Much of the time, that's all we do as well, and we usually attend on-premise clubs where sex is allowed on the premises. We tend to be pretty picky ourselves, so alot of the time, we just get our engines revved up and enjoy each other.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Always good to hear another point of view on swinging and yours is valued. We felt the same about SLS and we are glad we found another site. Hooking up with another couple seems to be the biggest challenge for us as well. Try finding another HWP, non-smoking, attractive straight couple damn near impossible. But like dave110256 said "Anything (or anyone) worth having is worth a lot of effort". So we continue, besides we always go home together and what can be better than that? Good luck!

[NakedInSeattle 159]

There's a lot of people that go to our club (on premise) that don't have sex with anyone else except each other. They just dance, touch, flirt, etc with others. They enjoy themselves very much and others enjoy them. There are also those that just come to watch and there are those that like to be watched.

 

Then there are also off premise dance clubs where nothing happens more than mentioned above and all are happy with it.

 

What I'm getting at is there are as many ways to enjoy this lifestyle as there are people who enjoy it. Don't pull back if there are parts of it you enjoy and that turn the two of you on.

 

But whatever you do, we wish you good luck.

[Chicup 42]

Good day

 

Well my wife and I gave the "lifestyle" a chance and we're done. Just wanted to share why it's not for us for new people who are interested... maybe old people too.

1) Time - meeting people and writing is a lot of work. We found about 1/2 the people don't write back and of those that do only 1/2 of them will actually meet

 

You are correct in that it takes a LOT of time. You say you met with 1/2 of those who wrote back? Thats very impressive. I think we meet with more like 1/16th.

 

2) People - With a few exceptions we really were not really impressed with the people we met from SLS ...actually to be honest most were creepy! Now I'm not trying to slam anyone but I guess we were just looking for friends and then MAYBE something more. We just got "weird" vibes from people. No we're not snobs but we just didn't feel comfortable with most of the people

 

I have to say we simpathize completely there. Looking for friends and maybe is almost impossible. Our best friends we have are swingers, but they started out as more and then friends. Its something we lament as well as we want more friends in the lifestyle but it seems most only want to get together to hook up. With how busy people are our age I can understand wanting to use free time to your maximum, but it is still frusterating.

 

3) STD's - This is always a risk no mater how you protect yourself, it's really just a matter of cost an benefit...is it worth the chance to pick up HPV or something even with a condom. That is foremost on my mind as I inspect someone for cold sores, bumps, discharge be fore we kiss or anything...kind of takes the fun out of it...actually takes a lot of the fun out

 

We are very picky as to the PERSONALITIES we get with. We look for people as anal and selective as we are. This I think does lower the chances of disease right there but you are 100% correct. It is an issue that can't be 100% removed from the picture.

 

4) Just not worth it - We've been married 20 years, our sex is great and just don't need the complication or CHANCE of complications

 

That of course is up to you and your relationship. For us it made our relationship and sex life even greater.

 

OK what did we like

 

-We LOVED the parties! I discovered my wife is a dancing machine. The people there were fun, non-pushy and there for a good time. We're still going to go to the parties to dance and socialize just not engage with anyone else but ourselves

- Did meet a few nice friends

 

 

I'm sure many people have fun and there are good stories and experiences but it just didn't work for us. We don't regret our experience, we learned a lot and had a few good times.

 

Good luck!

 

Good luck to you to, and remember you can always go to the parties, just don't lead anyone on

[intuition897 2,179]

Thanks for the input, Charger. This is a perfect example of lifestyle choice, and I think it's great! I have nothing against monogamy; I do have a problem with people who insist that it's the best and only way to live happily, or those who do not actively choose it for their relationships but feel trapped into it (because they do not believe there is any other viable alternative). It's whatever floats your boat, and I think it's cool.

[Charger500 30]

Good day

 

Well I checked back kind of expecting to be "slammed"...thanks for being understanding. I guess I should modify the title...since we still plan on going to dances on occasion I guess we're not DONE with the lifestyle, just down grading ourselves to "ulta-mild"

 

And completely agree with everyone, it's not for everyone. We looked, experiecned and found our "comfort zone" was restricted to the dance/watching area, wild sex is reserved for just the two of us.

 

We'll still be around on occasion

 

Thanks again for the supportive comments...

[txduo2000 18]

Good day

 

Well I checked back kind of expecting to be "slammed"...thanks for being understanding. I guess I should modify the title...since we still plan on going to dances on occasion I guess we're not DONE with the lifestyle, just down grading ourselves to "ulta-mild"

 

And completely agree with everyone, it's not for everyone. We looked, experiecned and found our "comfort zone" was restricted to the dance/watching area, wild sex is reserved for just the two of us.

 

We'll still be around on occasion

 

Thanks again for the supportive comments...

 

Why in the world would you expect to be slammed??? I think you discovered that swingers are, generally, just ordinary folks with the same basic values and ideals as anyone else. I suppose I can't speak for everyone, but all those that I know personally, and most, if not all, on this board possess a "what's good for you, good for you" attitude and do not try to impose our preferences onto others, or bash those who do not agree with swinging.

 

I understand very well where you are coming from in a different dynamic. I am not bi. When we first started out, I "joined the club" as "bi-curious" ... I really wasn't, but I figured, what the hell, all the other women seem to be, so maybe I need to find out if I really am or am not. I had a couple of experiences, and while they were not what I would call "bad", it just wasn't something that really turned me on, nor was it something I wanted to continue. I am not in the least attracted to other women. Sure, I can look at a woman and admire her looks, her hair, or her physique, but that doesn't mean I am sexually attracted to her.

 

And as far as being understanding, that's what most of us try to do. It's all about respect. Respect for others, their choices whatever they may be, and their opinons whether we agree or not.

[DBL D 120]

Hey Charger,

 

Very Cool coming back like that. One thing you realize early on is that you just can't argue with someone's preferences, most of the time. We don't need people in the lifestyle who aren't happy in it. Now that's a drag. Hearing someone admit that they have Talked the Talk and Walked the Walk about things is still good for a relationship, most of the time.

 

Only you two can make the decisions that affect how you lead your life.

 

Male D

[GerdOEvert 51]

The Initial Comment summarizes our reaction after 5 to 10 years at diffrerent places.

 

We still like sexual variety, but it has to be very limited, with friends, etc etc etc.

 

On balance, the risk/reward ratio is just not right. Disease. Personal Relationship, etc etc etc.

 

But if we had never tried it, we would have died of curiorsity.

 

Otto & Eileen

 

P. S. I can save you some trouble, the BDSM scene is really Bizarre.

[malich2 15]

hi there, we're only now looking at it all on the net but your comments are helpful. we're horndogs and really have great sex already but both of us are open to the idea of sharing others...mostly a woman..w'ere both bi ...i'm familiar with the gay scene so i'm reluctant to get involved with a man who isn't perfectly trustworthy...tough order to fill.

 

scary stuff out there...but anyway. thanks for your comments. we'r e not married but as committed.

[stnyadventure 15]

1) Time - meeting people and writing is a lot of work. We found about 1/2 the people don't write back and of those that do only 1/2 of them will actually meet

 

WOW -- you found that half of the ones that write back you actually get to meet ? thats something within itself because so far we've only met one couple that has bothered to take the time to write back and then their were not what they claimed to be --- very very pushy to get into the sex act....

 

2) People - With a few exceptions we really were not really impressed with the people we met from SLS ...actually to be honest most were creepy! Now I'm not trying to slam anyone but I guess we were just looking for friends and then MAYBE something more. We just got "weird" vibes from people. No we're not snobs but we just didn't feel comfortable with most of the people

 

 

AND this is the way it works. Not everyone is ment to be with everyone else. Its a chance to see if there is something there between all parties involved.

 

We look at it like this. Our sex life is great, always has been. We just find that now, having a empty house with the kids grown and all, its time to bring the teenager back out and enjoy life to the fullest. We are just the average next door couple, who doesn't expect anything. If theres not a click for a little adult fun, then there is always the "friends" that can be made that might have common interests anyway (fishing, hunting, nascar, playing pool, flea markets --- you get the idea).

 

Its always nice to meet new people, enjoy life to the fullest. If your going into the "swinging" lifestyle just to get laid, then to us, "we'll part company before anything even gets started" because thats not what we view swinging as.

 

Maybe we are a little weird here, but sex is sex when its with others, the time and mood has to click and all have to be on the same page. Sex with my hubby, well, its not sex, its making love to the man I love very much.

 

Just take a step back a little and try a new approach. Don't expect anything, always meet in a public place so either can just leave, and by all means, just because a few bad apples spoiled your branch on the tree, don't chop the whole tree down, prune it instead.

 

Just my 2 cents and telling it the way we are.

 

 

STNYadventure