Is it normal for things to go so well with so few rules?

[NandTfromCA 84]

Ok…we gave some detail about our first experience, partly because it was so surreal and partly because we felt like we had to pay-forward the postings that we read when we were thinking about swinging. Even still, since it was so detailed, it felt a little “kiss and tell” (probably because it was). No big deal, no names given, we’ll just be limiting the play-by-plays in the future.

 

Anyhow, leaving out the details, we just full swapped with the couple we had our first experience with. Again, totally freaking wonderful. N (wife) loved it, I loved it, and I’m pretty sure they did too.

 

It feels so natural, just as if we had some friends over and then went to have sex, just N and I. There are only good feelings about it…zero jealousy. Especially considering that we were each others only sexual partners (before this experience), we expected at least a little awkwardness or uncertainty along with the excitement.

 

The only rules we have set are 1. “no” means “NO” and 2. Check in before escalating to unknown waters (if we keep up at this rate, we will have charted all the waters before too long ) we just kept checking in with each other (visually and verbally). Since all 4 of us were in the same hot tub and then on the same bed, it was pretty easy.

 

Here’s the questions:

 

1- Is it rare to be so cool with the whole deal on the first try? I’m just wondering if there is going to be any delayed reaction and if it can always be that good if we play our cards right.

 

2- Are we asking for trouble with only having those two rules? We’re figuring the constant communication supersedes any rules that we could have.

 

I may have already said this, but I have to compliment them again- I consider us very lucky to have hooked up with such a cool couple right away. Great fun- clothes on and clothes off.

[pumpkins1970 17]

Season's greetings! It's so wonderful to hear that you had such a great experience on your first time. We however cannot say that for ourselves, our first is gladly forgotten. But we tried again with another more open and patient couple and found a great friendship also. I don't think you should have anything to worry about as long as you maintain this great attitude you display, that and your open lines of communication with your spouse/partner.

 

As far as your rules go, everybody is different, some people may say yes, some no, but this is your thing - only you two can decide what is right or wrong for you. Don't let someone dictate what swinging is too you, decide for yourselves. Quote from a wise man; " We are the dream makers" (Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka, I may not have the exact quote, but you know what I mean!)

[HappyPeople 17]

We didn't have any after shock or delayed reactions after our first time.

[DBL D 120]

Hello again NandT,

 

Sounds like you have a great start to things. Who needs rules when things are so good, right? Wrong! You are right to think you should have some rules, and others should always respect them. Some may want to disuss your rules with you though so be prepared. You may also find, as we did, that too many rules inhibit things too much. You'll find the right balance, I'm sure.

 

Male D

[Pepper & Drew 384]

NandTfromCA said:

Here’s the questions:

 

1- Is it rare to be so cool with the whole deal on the first try? I’m just wondering if there is going to be any delayed reaction and if it can always be that good if we play our cards right.

 

2- Are we asking for trouble with only having those two rules? We’re figuring the constant communication supersedes any rules that we could have.

 

1) Nope, we didn't have any delayed reaction to our first experience. It was good, it was relaxed and we were surprised at how normal it seemed. I think you always worry that it won't be as good in real life as it seems in theory. Just make sure that if there were any glitches, etc. that they're discussed before any play happens again.

 

2) A book on swinging that we read when we were newbies joked that if you had more than 5 rules, you probably should not swing. As long as you've been honest about setting up the guidelines, I think it's fine to not have so many rules. I think you'll find as you continue in the lifestyle that your rules will change as situations come up. We started out with a few rules that we've modified depending on the people involved and the situation.

 

Glad you had a great first experience and hopes for many more!

 

Pepper

[mitzi54 15]

Our first time was a wonderful experience. It's what really got us jazzed up about meeting other couples. We only have a few rules, and have not run into any "problems" yet.

[meandher2go 17]

not a single problem here the first couple times and to date is ALL GOOD.

 

we have FMF, MFM, MFMF and so far all is good for US

[Tusk50 15]

Six years ago when we first started swinging, we had so many danged rules i.e. had to be same room, no doing this thing and you can only do that with me and so on and so on. It wasn't long before we found that all the rules just made swinging sooooo boring. Little by little we relaxed the rules more and more. Now, with the right couple we will spend the evening in separate rooms or sometimes separate cities. We have twice now with a really favorite couple got a suite in Vegas and I slept with his wife and he slept with mine for an entire week. It was great fun. I don't recommend this for everyone, but if the chemistry is right and jealousy isn't an issue, many wonderful things a possible. My wife and I have been married nearly 36 years now and like she said the morning of our 35th anniversary, "ready for the second half?"

[intuition897 2,179]

Too few rules? I dunno...used to be a time we only had to live by ten Laws (the Ten Commanments) but in our human 'wisdom' we have elaborated on them to the point of having enormous libraries full of volumes of law books. I say keep it simple. Our first full swap sounded just like yours. It was like a breath of fresh air after trying to lock things down with 1001 rules. We basicly went with the Golden Rule: Just Don't Hurt Each Other, and we trusted each other to follow that rule to the letter. It simply meant being courteous and sensitive to one another's feelings. If my swing partner suggests something new while Mr. is out of the room, out of respect for him, I would say, "It sounds like fun, but I want to make sure it's ok with [Mr. intuition] first." I say as long as you keep that rule foremost in your minds, and as long as you believe that your partner will never intentionally hurt you, I think there's very little that you can't do.

[WonTheSexLotto 15]

We, too, had a fantastic time before, during and after our first swing (earlier this month). Not a hint of jealousy.

 

Laugh if you want, but we currently have 19 rules that we easily mutually agreed to. There are a few primary rules involving general behavior (like we play together or not at all, and things proceed at the pace of the slowest person). The rest involve various boundaries (like keeping our play confined to certain areas of the house -- the living room and guest room only, for instance). I won't copy them all here, unless people really want to see them.

[HappyPeople 17]

We don't have many rules either, basically, we just pay attention to each other - by now, we can tell what the other is thinking just by looking at thier face and always yield to each other over any other, include ourselves. It works for us.

[NandTfromCA 84]

Thank you all for your insight!

 

First- Things could not be better. We have been with the same couple several other times and two other couples on New Years. We’ve even done separate room swapping and although we found we prefer same room (in and out of the bedroom we would rather just be doing things together), it was great. I guess we’re kinda fast learners.

 

Second- After playing with the two other couples on New Years we found our 3rd rule. Rule #3- No playing unless there is a mental connection as well as physical one.

 

I figured it was worth highlighting for others that may be starting out as well so I began a new thread that expands a little on the experience - Sex without connection

[wolfnblu 15]

Laugh if you want, but we currently have 19 rules that we easily mutually agreed to. There are a few primary rules involving general behavior (like we play together or not at all, and things proceed at the pace of the slowest person). The rest involve various boundaries (like keeping our play confined to certain areas of the house -- the living room and guest room only, for instance). I won't copy them all here, unless people really want to see them.

 

Ok, I'm curious.

[curiousandinter 15]

If I may ask, what first made you decide that you wanted to do it? Was it a purely sexual thing or was it something else??? Like taking your current relationship to a new level of trust?? Wanted to enter into a new type of friendship?? Just wondering because I have been considering this for a while, but I am still not sure why I feel like I want to try.

 

Also, when you first did a full swap, were you all in the same room?

[curiousandinter 15]

Also, would it be best to find a couple within the lifestyle prior to going to the parties and clubs so that you do not feel so unsure about yourself prior during these events.

[CaribbeanCpl 15]

WonTheSexLotto said:

We, too, had a fantastic time before, during and after our first swing (earlier this month). Not a hint of jealousy.

 

Laugh if you want, but we currently have 19 rules that we easily mutually agreed to. There are a few primary rules involving general behavior (like we play together or not at all, and things proceed at the pace of the slowest person). The rest involve various boundaries (like keeping our play confined to certain areas of the house -- the living room and guest room only, for instance). I won't copy them all here, unless people really want to see them.

 

I would like to read them. Thanks in advance!!

[Hottunes 15]

Some very good replies!!! We just had a night with a brand new cpl. It was awesome, we went at a nice slow place and we were all comfortable. All 4 of us agreed on the limits.With a good comfort level has lead us to another get together. Aftee reading the responses, the one "rule" that I did not see is "Condoms are a must".

 

Just a thought

[NandTfromCA 84]

Hottunes said:

...the one "rule" that I did not see is "Condoms are a must".

 

Just a thought

 

Good point. That is such a firm thing that it is almost above rule status.

Rule #1.1- Condoms are a must!

 

 

curiousandinter said:

"If I may ask, what first made you decide that you wanted to do it? Was it a purely sexual thing or was it something else??? Like taking your current relationship to a new level of trust?? Wanted to enter into a new type of friendship?? Just wondering because I have been considering this for a while, but I am still not sure why I feel like I want to try.

Also, when you first did a full swap, were you all in the same room?"

 

N would have to give you her perspective but here is mine- Honestly at first, I just wanted to give both of us the opportunity to have sex with other people. Nothing more. N shut me down and I accepted that it would never happen, and didn't bring it up any more. A year later, we talked a little and both of us had changed...don't ask me how or why. N was open to checking things out and I felt different about the whole deal as well. I now wanted more to see N be pleasured than anything else. I also just felt it was like some sort of hurdle that we could get past and defang the sex taboo. Like a typical guy, there was still the "I want to get some strange" feelings, but that wasn't the driver.

 

We did same room for several reasons- 1) We didn't want our imaginations running wild. 2) We wanted to be able to communicate with each other. 3) We both though it might be really hot to see each other with other people...for us, IT WAS!

 

Our sex has always been fantastic and sex with each other is still by far the best. Sex with others is just fun and a great way to make friends (I laughed as I wrote that because it still sounds funny to me...sex to make friends...but we really have met some cool people).

 

 

curiousandinter said:

"Also, would it be best to find a couple within the lifestyle prior to going to the parties and clubs so that you do not feel so unsure about yourself prior during these events."

 

I could respond to the first post because it was asking for personal experience. This one though, about going to events, I will have to leave to the more experienced folks on here.

 

As always, thank you to all!

[NandTfromCA 84]

By the way...

 

...We just had a night with a brand new cpl. It was awesome, we went at a nice slow place and we were all comfortable...

That's fantastic to hear! Congratulations!

[glitter 15]

WonTheSexLotto said:

We, too, had a fantastic time before, during and after our first swing (earlier this month). Not a hint of jealousy.

 

Laugh if you want, but we currently have 19 rules that we easily mutually agreed to. There are a few primary rules involving general behavior (like we play together or not at all, and things proceed at the pace of the slowest person). The rest involve various boundaries (like keeping our play confined to certain areas of the house -- the living room and guest room only, for instance). I won't copy them all here, unless people really want to see them.

 

Well I would love to see your rules. We haven't swapped yet but have enjoyed the club a lot there is a couple interested but I'm having problems figuring out just how I feel and what limits I will feel ok about. So, if you could share with me I would appreciate it.