NO BLACKS - why so rude?

[HappyPeople 17]

We were recently contacted by a couple that had a NO BLACKS (it was in caps) declaration in their profile... One of us is mixed race but that has little to do with the reason that it the statement put me off. Even though he's usually light skinned enough for most racists (he's 4 races so he kinda looks Italian-ish), I was put off by the NO BLACKS statement because it seemed a bit edgy to me.

 

In the past, we've found that we don't seem to get along well with folks that have strong racial preferences. While we both completely understand having preference or not, presenting a strong stance against race seems odd to us. Surely, there must be more socially kind ways of dealing with someone that you'd rather not be with than posting your anti-preference in caps in your profile.

 

So tell me, am I being too sensitive or would this put you off too?

[janaandjames 24]

Quote

So tell me, am I being too sensitive or would this put you off too?

 

I think if they put it in all caps, and were really adamant about it, that would put us off as well.

 

I guess there is nothing wrong with having a preference... I prefer brunettes over blondes, but that's just preference... not prejudice.

 

We are both white, and have enjoyed "visiting" with people of other races.

 

Like you said, I think there is a better way of voicing preferences...

[Thrax 384]

I'm with you on this. I think you are being "sensitive" in the right way.

 

Whether they mean it in a racist way or not, it screams racism to me. And it says to me that no matter how open-minded they might be about swinging, there are probably other cultural areas where we would have major disagreements. It would be a no-go if they approached me. I want to have some things in common with my playmates, and I think if I met them I would want to challenge them on that statement. Probably not a prelude to enjoyable sex, or any sex, for that matter! (At least for me.)

 

And I really don't want to try to provide any ways for them to re-phrase their ad. If they have THIS problem, let them figure it out.

 

Ouch! (I stumbled getting off of my soapbox)

[good times 991]

I don't know if that by itself would put me off as it would kind of depend on what else was in their profile and if we seemed otherwise compatible. I personally don't see a problem with this and would imagine that they put it that way because they wanted to play only with like minded people. The idea being that by emphasizing it they would put off anyone that doesn't think like they do. So I guess that the fact that it put you or anyone else off means that they have achieved their intended purpose.

[JnCC 24]

Specifying "no blacks" would be a real "down-tick" to any possible friendship, because I have several friends, both M/F, who are black. It might not be a deal-killer, but it would definitely dampen my spirit in whatever dealings I had with that person.

 

However, putting it in caps? Now THAT would be a deal-killer.

 

What the fuck is wrong with people, that thay have to put stuff like that in their profiles? Couldn't they just say "Sorry, but we're most comfortable with those of our own race" and put a smiley-face or something on the end of it?

[intuition897 2,179]

Couldn't they just say "Sorry, but we're most comfortable with those of our own race" and put a smiley-face or something on the end of it?

 

Exactly. Now, I suppose we can't know what sorts of things they've experienced that would cause them to state something like that so strongly; it could be as simple as ignorant bigotry or it could be something as odd as the woman being raped as a teen (by a guy who happened to be black) and she's had a severe phobia ever since. Who knows?

 

In any case, perhaps what HappyPeople said in their post would be a perfectly acceptable response: "In the past, we've found that we don't seem to get along well with folks that have strong racial preferences. Good luck in your search. "

[Thrax 384]

intuition897 said:

Exactly. Now, I suppose we can't know what sorts of things they've experienced that would cause them to state something like that so strongly; it could be as simple as ignorant bigotry or it could be something as odd as the woman being raped as a teen (by a guy who happened to be black) and she's had a severe phobia ever since. Who knows?

 

In any case, perhaps what HappyPeople said in their post would be a perfectly acceptable response: "In the past, we've found that we don't seem to get along well with folks that have strong racial preferences. Good luck in your search. "

 

That's a great post and a great way to go. In my original post I was thinking about the other angles, but from personal -- and extremely FRUSTRATING -- experience your message is very useful.

 

This is a very difficult and sensitive area. I am thankful that this forum can address this straight-forwardly without most regular posters having a fit about it. Kudos to you all!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

HappyPeople said:

...I was put off by the NO BLACKS statement because it seemed a bit edgy to me.

 

In the past, we've found that we don't seem to get along well with folks that have strong racial preferences....

 

So tell me, am I being too sensitive or would this put you off too?

It seems to me that how they wrote it is exactly how they should have done it because it told you they have strong racial preferences and therefore, as you said, you would not get along with them. Be thankful that you learned so much about them right up front. You can move on quickly in your search for more compatible people.

 

If everyone used a standard of diplomacy when composing their profile we'd be meeting more people and facing more surprises once meeting. I am so thankful for the horrid and insensitive things some people say in their profiles. Yes, they put me off, but they help me STAY CLEAR!

[TNT 1,155]

Basically it would tell us that we probably would not get along that well.

 

We were contacted once by couple that in their initial contact mail were very nice. Upon reading their ad, we knew immediately that we would not get along. They stated that not only did they not want to play with people of different races, they didn't want to play with those that did. We replied with a thank you for contacting us, but upon reading your ad we were sure we would not be compatible.

 

Stating preferences in your ad does save you and those that read it time and effort when it comes to knowing if you're compatible or not. Reading a statement like that would let us know we wouldn't be compatible.

 

Teresa

[Spoomonkey 421]

LikeMinds321 said:

It seems to me that how they wrote it is exactly how they should have done it because it told you they have strong racial preferences and therefore, as you said, you would not get along with them. Be thankful that you learned so much about them right up front. You can move on quickly in your search for more compatible people.

 

Dito

 

When we are contacted by folks who don't fit our preference, we simply say that we are not compatible. Mostly because we realize that our preferences are about us - not about them.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I appreciate when people spell it out like that. The way I see it, it saves everybody time: those that don't agree with such sentiments, those who are part of the racial group they're targeting, and the couple themselves. I personally don't see anything wrong with stating it, just as long as they realize they will alienate people, and therefore miss out on some really great people. But, it's certainly their choice....

 

Pepper

[CB_n_Red 16]

We won't even socialize (vanilla or otherwise) with racist morons, let alone play with them. I use the word morons quite deliberately. They clearly don't have the brain power to see the obvious - we're all people.

[In2curiosity 15]

We are as biracial couple and as much as the CAPS would make me cringe...it helps avoid a waste of time.

 

Also as politically correct as the world has become I am sure there are people who feel the way that couple do (probably more in the South where we are)

 

Honestly I would rather deal with an out-of-the-closet bigot than a secretive one any day...in every part of my life.

 

Mrs. Me

[FlaPlaya561 48]

when it's in CAPS .....I STAY AWAY LOL

[WesternSwing 504]

When race is mentioned at all in a profile we stay away. We know we will not be compatible because we don't think the same. You are not being too sensitive, they are being too insensitive. Stating that in their profile not only screams of racism (or the husband's intense fear his wife will like black men better), but also of arrogance and piousness. It would be hard for me to not send them an email telling them that.

[morrison 15]

Here is a question for you. My wife and I are quite new to the lifestyle and although I'm completely open to all races, she isn't attracted to black men in general. We wouldn't care that others play with black men or even if they are involved in a group setting. How would this situation best be handled? I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking, just want to nip this in the bud and handle it in the best way possible for any and all involved.

[jennh62 15]

My husband and I are both black and prefer to state that in any contact info right up front. If someone is not interested in contacting us due to that fact, fine, it saves us both alot of wasted time and energy. However, we have been to clubs and have met people (very few thankfully) who are more interested in the fact that we are black than in getting to know us as a couple. We can ususlly pick up on that fairly quickly into a conversation and politely excuse ourselves.

[WesternSwing 504]

morrison said:

Here is a question for you. My wife and I are quite new to the lifestyle and although I'm completely open to all races, she isn't attracted to black men in general. We wouldn't care that others play with black men or even if they are involved in a group setting. How would this situation best be handled? I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking, just want to nip this in the bud and handle it in the best way possible for any and all involved.

I wouldn't mention it at all. She should handle it like any other guy she is not sexually attracted to. It doesn't sound like a matter of race with her, just a matter of preference.

 

Like I mentioned in another post, we have friends that are a mixed couple and she prefers black men. I would love to have sex with her, but it just isn't going to happen because although they are some of our closest friends, she's just not sexually attracted to me because I'm not black.

 

Am I insulted? No. Am I saddened? Very.

[In2curiosity 15]

morrison said:

Here is a question for you. My wife and I are quite new to the lifestyle and although I'm completely open to all races, she isn't attracted to black men in general. We wouldn't care that others play with black men or even if they are involved in a group setting. How would this situation best be handled? I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking, just want to nip this in the bud and handle it in the best way possible for any and all involved.

 

She shouldn't feel like she has to have sex with a black man to show she isn't a bigot that is for damn sure. Race is fairly simple you can see a man is black before you are naked. To avoid black men from contacting you through ads you can state white couple looking for same. As an biracial couple that wouldn't raise any flags for me. I do not find men who shave off chest and leg hair sexy.......it actually turns me off. Some women don't like facial hair.....some women are turned on. Sexual desires aren't right or wrong they just are....IMO

 

Although in a group situation if all parties are naked and enjoying one another I can't think of a way to tell a black man that you prefer he keep his distance without it being extremely awkward for everyone. I think if you choose to partake you are basically giving the green light to all parties involved....so I would suggest not playing in a group situation where a black man is also playing.

 

Mrs. Me

[FlaPlaya561 48]

I dont wanna shave my chest hair just to satisfy someone's preferences LOL

 

Good point In2

[SanDiego 15]

Wife likes my chest shaved among other places

[hrnycoupl414 15]

Mr. Hrnycoupl here...

 

As the black half of an interracial couple (the mrs is white). I would have to say that as shocking as that is, at least they have the gumption to state what they want. That just means what we wouldn't have to waste each others time. Now could it be stated differently, of course, but not everyone was blessed with tact.

 

I like this post, it gives me and the wife something to chew on. As newbies who have yet to do any actual swinging (attending a private party next month), its nice to see how race plays into things. I have seen on swappernet, that some women only want "black cock" and others just use the "white couple looking for same" type of thing. Its good to get it out in the open before anything gets started.

 

Now if you are at a function and someone approaches you, just politely decline. You aren't interested, and there's no crime in that. I am sure that there are some Black people in the lifestyle that don't swing with white people. View it as a preference and don't get soooo wrapped up in the racism card.

 

"NO BLACKS" sounds like a racist statement, but its probably just a preference. Come on, how can you get turned on, if you don't like what you see.

 

As for me, I like my women like a nice Milkshake....thick and vanilla. Would I mind swinging with a black couple? NOPE! Hell, we are all black if the lights go out!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

While I can agree that if you have a sexual preference it's best to spell it out. When I see "NO BLACKS" stated in that way, it comes off to me as more than just a sexual preference. I may be wrong in the assumption but I would see that and think that they are at least a bit racist and it would definately put me off to contacting them regardless of my own color.

[FlaPlaya561 48]

I feel the same way Julie ...more so as it's typed IN CAPS ...

That stresses it .....BTW. Thanks for your WONDERFUL WEB SITE

(typed in caps)

[Vespertine 31]

I think people clearly indicating what they want/don't want is a good thing. For the same reasons that have already been stated: It saves a lot of time.

 

The ALL CAPS thing is a rude. Even though we're a white couple, if I came across the most gorgeous couple in the world and they had "NO BLACKS" in all caps- I'd pass.

 

There's a way to get your preferences across without sounding like a racist.

[Uomo 15]

We were recently contacted by a couple that had a NO BLACKS (it was in caps) declaration in thier profile... I was put off by the NO BLACKS statement because it seemed a bit edgy to me. So tell me, am I being too sensitive or would this put you off too?

 

I'm going to play the devil's advocate on this one (unpopular as it may be) ... and speak out in favor of that which appears to offend most: "No Blacks."

 

I will not sleep with a black person ... nor would I even sleep with someone who I know to have slept with a black person. Racist? No ... mathematician. The AIDS rate in the black community is staggering. I would be scared shitless if I slept with a black person (or someone who I know to have slept with a black person). My sentiment is not based on racial prejudice ... it is based upon a reasonable fear of a very deadly disease. My sentiment on this topic in no way differs from my willingness to sleep with the wife of a bisexual man. It is a mere risk-based assessment.

 

So if someone posts "No Blacks" (in caps, or otherwise) ... I take that as an honest assessment of their intentions -- nothing more. If I am a black couple ... this (offensive) post saves me the time and effort of an inquiry. If I am not a black couple ... the statement does not matter. No harm, no foul.

 

Granted ... the posting couple could likely have declined an invitation from a black couple (without the "No Blacks" post) ... and perhaps a good argument could be made that this is the more tactful way to proceed ... but I (for one) will not elevate "political correctness" above the free flow of ideas and information. Popular or otherwise, freedom of speech is just that ... and I think it's worth defending.

[sweetshyquiet 15]

Uomo said:

I will not sleep with a black person ... nor would I even sleep with someone who I know to have slept with a black person. Racist? No ... mathematician. The AIDS rate in the black community is staggering. I would be scared shitless if I slept with a black person (or someone who I know to have slept with a black person). My sentiment is not based on racial prejudice

 

Actually, it totally, completely is.

 

Dressing it up in fancy lawyerly words like "reasonable fear" or "risk-based assessment," and equating sleeping with any black person to sleeping with a woman who has slept with a man who has slept with another man (WOW, a bigot's double-whammy!) doesn't actually make it anything but racial prejudice.

 

As for your attempt to sound quite official and smart with that not-really-a-statistic "AIDS in the black community" bit? Chew on this: there were MORE cases of AIDS reported among white people in America than black people, in the 2003 CDC report (the last, best data compilation by the nation's preeminent health organization).

 

And while we're talking health facts and how they play into your sketchy logic, 1 in 5 American adults have genital herpes. 45 million people. Women are 25% more likely to get it than men. Are you going to stop sleeping with women?

 

Uomo, I was in the camp of "good for him for sticking it out" after your conspicuous and questionable debut here. Consider that respect gone. At least the people on the profile in question had the balls to put their bigotry right up front in all caps; hiding it behind pseudo-intellectual health "facts" is just chickenshit.

 

It's not playing the devil's advocate that's unpopular...

[2inVT 122]

I don't feel that people need to be politically correct - but I also don't feel that they need to be rude.

 

I don't agree with the issues Uomo has with blacks and bisexual men, but I respect his right to feel the way he does.

 

However, I think that his opinions/preferences that way could be easily and politely expressed as "we don't play with blacks or bisexual men," rather than going into the reasoning behind that. A simple "no thank you" is all that's necessary, if people on your not-to-do list contact you.

 

The "free flow of ideas and information" does not have to be rude.

[curiousagain 326]

To get back to the original OP and stuff. I see profiles with NO SINGLE MEN, EVER etc. etc. I figure they possibly tried saying it nice and it didn't work. I know a couple that tried the "couples only" then "we don't play with single men" etc. etc. and finally used that and then blocked single men.

 

So, maybe that couple has found themselves in a situation where they had to keep racheting up the level. Who knows? I'm with most of the rest. Saved you some time and trouble. Consider it them doing you a favor, albiet unknowingly.

[2inVT 122]

I figure they possibly tried saying it nice and it didn't work.

 

Do you really think that people who either don't bother to read the profile or don't respect what it says are going to pay more attention if it's in capital letters?

 

I think that phrasing your preferences rudely would be more apt to turn off a lot of the people you ARE looking for.

[Uomo 15]

sweetshyquiet said:

Dressing it up in fancy lawyerly words like "reasonable fear" or "risk-based assessment," ... doesn't actually make it anything but racial prejudice.

 

As for your attempt to sound quite official and smart ... there were MORE cases of AIDS reported among white people in America than black people.

 

Uomo, I was in the camp of "good for him for sticking it out" after your conspicuous and questionable debut here. Consider that respect gone. At least the people on the profile in question had the balls to put their bigotry right up front in all caps; hiding it behind pseudo-intellectual health "facts" is just chickenshit.

 

Uomo is a racist? Uomo is not a racist ... but if you think he is ... News Flash: "Uomo" ... doesn't give a shit.

 

What you call "racism" .... I call intellectually honesty. Sex with a black person presents a heightened statistical risk. If you want to sleep with a black person ... be my guest. But that's a game of Russian Roulette I (and most white people) are not comfortable playing. I know ... that's not the way it is supposed to be in a perfect world ... but guess what: numbers don't lie, and life ... ain't fair.

 

As far as your CDC argument goes: There are "more" cases of AIDS reported among white people because ... there are "more" white people (no shit). But were you to compare the per-capita AIDS rate among white and black heterosexuals (the statistic that matters to the discussion ar hand) ... it's a whole different story. Live in whatever P.C. fantasy world you want to. I prefer to live ... in the real world. The real world is not P.C.

 

"Chickenshit" (by the way) is what I call people (like you) who are afraid to voice unpopular (but credible) opinions. I don't burn books ... I read them.

 

One last thought: When I was in the Marine Corps, my command actively tried to throw me out of the military because I was viewed as being too aggressive in the defense of women, blacks, homosexuals, and religious minorities. Just in case you were not aware: the Marine Corps is chock FULL of bigots (of every imaginable sort and rank). The Secretary of the Navy himself was given the decision to keep me or send me packing. At the same time, I was fired as base newspaper editor for expressing my unpopular (leftist) positions on gay rights. I blew the whistle ... and I put myself in the line of fire, defending the rights of persons afraid to defend themselves. The silent political retribution nearly led to my being court marshaled on false charges (given the right-leaning bent of a military jury, I plea-bargained for a reduction in pay in lieu of a formal trial). So tell me ... what the hell have you done to advance civil liberties that I'm supposed to be impressed with?

 

You keep on talking the talk ... and I'll keep walking the walk ... with my eyes wide open.

[Chicup 41]

Getting it out front is good and all but putting it in all caps is kinda funny. I suppose the reason to do so would more be to find other racist couples than to deter black couples, its not like you have to answer every email you get.

 

We have never played outside of our own race, but would have ignored a couple as mentioned by the OP since they seem to have issues beyond sexual preferances and make it a bigger part of who they are then we would be comfortable with.

[Fantasy_Partner 16]

We agree, if the profile is wrong, its a no contact. Saying something like "NO BLACKS" would be a real turn off...No matter what the the rest of their profile said.

 

We would just consider it time saved...and move on

[curiousagain 326]

Do you really think that people who either don't bother to read the profile or don't respect what it says are going to pay more attention if it's in capital letters?

 

I think that phrasing your preferences rudely would be more apt to turn off a lot of the people you ARE looking for.

 

I agree. I didn't say I had done it, just that it was possible with this couple.

 

Again, I would just consider it a time waste preventer and move on, not wasting any time in thinking about them either.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Quote

court marshaled on false charges (given the right-leaning bent of a military jury, I plea-bargained for a reduction in pay in lieu of a formal trial).

 

I haven't been in the military for quite a while. But I believe it was a "court-martial" instead of what was quoted. It's the little things that make me disbelieve someone. Yes, I know it was spelled wrong because you were tired or something to that effect.

 

Plea-bargained? What article were charged with?

 

Reduction of pay in lieu of a formal trial? Really? Non-judicial punishment? Article 15? Captain's Mast?

 

Just questions I have that don't add up. I've seen shit house lawyers in the military. This sounds like the same stuff.

 

I only know UOMO by the posts here. I've watched and things just don't add up.

[Doug19482000 18]

While Uomo is correct in his math,Isn't the incidence of aids just as high in single white males as in married blacks?

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Uomo is a racist? Uomo is not a racist ... but if you think he is ... News Flash: "Uomo" ... doesn't give a shit.

 

What you call "racism" .... I call intellectually honesty. Sex with a black person presents a heightened statistical risk. If you want to sleep with a black person ... be my guest. But that's a game of Russian Roulette I (and most white people) are not comfortable playing. I know ... that's not the way it is supposed to be in a perfect world ... but guess what: numbers don't lie, and life ... ain't fair.

 

As far as your CDC argument goes: There are "more" cases of AIDS reported among white people because ... there are "more" white people (no shit). But were you to compare the per-capita AIDS rate among white and black hetrosexuals (the statisitic that matters to the discussion ar hand) ... it's a whole different story. Live in whatever P.C. fantasy world you want to. I prefer to live ... in the real world. The real world is not P.C.

 

"Chickenshit" (by the way) is what I call people (like you) who are afraid to voice unpopular (but credible) opinions. I don't burn books ... I read them.

 

One last thought: When I was in the Marine Corps, my command actively tried to throw me out of the mlitary because I was viewed as being too aggressive in the defense of women, blacks, homosexuals, and religous minorities. Just in case you were not aware: the Marine Corps is chock FULL of bigots (of every imaginable sort and rank). The Secretary of the Navy himself was given the decision to keep me or send me packing. At the same time, I was fired as base newspaper editor for expressing my unpopular (leftist) positions on gay rights. I blew the whistle ... and I put myself in the line of fire, defending the rights of persons afraid to defend themselves. The silent political retribution nearly led to my being court marshaled on false charges (given the right-leaning bent of a military jury, I plea-bargained for a reduction in pay in lieu of a formal trial). So tell me ... what the hell have you done to advance civil liberties that I'm supposed to be impressed with?

 

You keep on talking the talk ... and I'll keep walking the walk ... with my eyes wide open.

 

Bless your heart, I'm sure you have the black chicks lining up just like the white ones...pity you have to turn them all down....

 

Again, I really rather that people come on out with their preferences in their profiles. It helps the handful of us black folks that can read and don't have AIDS from playing with those with little pointy hats....

 

Pepper

[Uomo 15]

Again, I really rather that people come on out with their preferences in their profiles. It helps the handful of us black folks that can read and don't have AIDS from playing with those with little pointy hats....

 

Pepper

 

My point exactly ...

 

As far as the "black chicks lining up" bit (on the other hand) ... that was a bit over the top. I know ... Uomo is responsible for the prevelence of AIDS among minorities. If Uomo raises the issue (or if Uomo refuses to sleep with black women) ... Uomo MUST be a racist. Please ...

 

The whole point of an internet chat board is to promote the free and liberal exchange of ideas ... not to advance a political movement or agenda.

 

Nobody kicks a dead dog. I get people talking ...

[Uomo 15]

I Reduction of pay in lieu of a formal trial? Really? Non-judicial punishment? Article 15? Captain's Mast?

 

I accepted NJP in lieu of my right to a formal jury trial (subjecting me to court martial and far more severe sanction). Few people outside of the military would understand "NJP" ... so I translated it into English.

 

Long, long story ...

[sweetshyquiet 15]

So tell me ... what the hell have you done to advance civil liberties that I'm supposed to be impressed with?

 

What I have done, I don't have to go around bragging about on a swingers' message board to try and establish some sort of "cred."

 

Walking the walk means living it every single day and calling out racism thinly veiled and masquerading as "science" or "religion" or "voting rights" or whatever.

 

Talking the talk means deluding oneself into believing that the right to share any idea freely somehow precludes me from calling that idea chickenshit.

 

Uomo, when you want to start citing authoritative sources to back up the statistics you keep spewing to somehow legitimize your argument, I might start paying attention to you again. Till then, you're just a racist.

 

I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't want to have sex with someone outside his or her race, nor do I have a problem with the expression of that preference.

 

I have a problem with someone who says that sleeping with someone outside his race is more likely to give him AIDS. Ignorance is such a turn-off.

[Uomo 15]

Uomo, when you want to start citing authoritative sources to back up the statistics you keep spewing to somehow legitimize your argument, I might start paying attention to you again. Till then, you're just a racist.

 

Fair enough. Here's what the (racist) CDC has to say:

 

April 2005

 

HIV Infection in Minority Populations

 

Overview

 

HIV/AIDS continues to disproportionately affect minorities. Racial and ethnic minority populations in the United States, primarily African Americans and Hispanics, constitute 58 percent of the more than 928,188 cases of AIDS reported to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) since the epidemic began in 1981. African Americans make up 50 percent of all AIDS cases reported in the United States, yet according to the U.S. Census Bureau, they comprise only 12 percent of the U.S. population. Hispanics represent 15 percent of all AIDS cases in the United States and are approximately 13 percent of the U.S. population.

 

Injection drug use is a major factor in the spread of HIV in minority communities. Other factors contributing to the spread of HIV/AIDS in these communities include men who have sex with men (MSM) and increasingly, heterosexual transmission.

 

According to CDC

 

As of December 2003, African Americans and Hispanics represented 64 percent of males living with AIDS and 83 percent of those in females.

 

As of December 2003, 67 percent of all women reported with AIDS are African American and 16 percent are Hispanic.

 

African-American children represent almost 71 percent of all pediatric AIDS cases.

 

Of the 59 pediatric AIDS cases reported in 2003, 40 were in African Americans and 7 were in Hispanics.

 

AIDS is the leading cause of death among African-American men ages 25-44.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Quote

Ignorance is such a turn-off.

I agree with you sweetshyquiet.

 

Still haven't figured out how to do the quote thing. Not a big deal. HELP

 

UOMO used the term NJP for non-judicial punishment. First time I have ever heard that one :rollseyes . Must be a Navy thing (Captain's Mast, I know) . I have looked at the MCM a bit myself and know a thing or two about the UCMJ. I have worked with Summary, Special, General Court-Martials, Article 15's and maybe even an Article 32 investigation.

 

And no one is every guilty.

 

Please read all the statistics and make an evaluation for yourself. Pay close attention to the male-male and injection drug use numbers and compare them to the total numbers. You can make the numbers say alot of different things depending on how you use them.

 

I guess this will cut out for us at least all single males, cheating males and males. Guess only the women get to swing with us.

 

From the CDC:

 

In 2003, the estimated number of diagnoses of AIDS in the United States was 43,171. Adult and adolescent AIDS cases totaled 43,112 with 31,614 cases in males and 11,498 cases in females. Also in 2003, there were 59 AIDS cases estimated in children under age 13.

 

The cumulative estimated number of diagnoses of AIDS through 2003 in the United States is 929,985. Adult and adolescent AIDS cases total 920,566 with 749,887 cases in males and 170,679 cases in females. Through the same time period, 9,419 AIDS cases were estimated in children under age 13.

 

I'm done with this thread. Surrender

[EvilMJ 65]

The question here is whether or not is was racist/rude to put no black people in bold on a profile. Personally I have no problem for people stating a preference in a way that is not offensive to others. I would not have found offense if they had written we prefer not to play with black people, or people of a large size, or people over 50, or short people, or single men, etc...you get my point. However I think by putting it in bold might be a little over the top for me.

 

Everyone is entilted to their preference, heck I have a black girl friend who refuses to play with black men, her preference. I would just make note of their comment, and determine that they are not a couple that would be a choice for me and move on. Many of our conversations have centered around prefence, be it for the Ken and Barbies, the BBW/BBM, age, etc and we all seem to agree that it is probably best to state what is you are looking for up front. But it can be handled better than screaming it out in bold or all caps, etc.

 

Uomo, you are certainly entitled to your opinon, and your preference. But you are going to have to expect that people are going to take offense to what you are saying.

 

And as far as this arguement about sleeping with black people will put you at a high risk for aids. It really doesn't matter to me what any statistics show, the minute you choose to swing and have sex with others you are going to put yourself at risk for Aids, STD, and all kinds of nasties. Regardless of what their race or colour is. So don't get the idea that you are going to be safe playing with just white people because as those statistics show..white people have aids too and there isn't any way to show who has it and who does not unless you have access to their medical records.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

Great post, MJ.

 

This is why stereotypes are so interesting to me. They are often quite accurate about averages and human beings make use of them all the time - effectively. The problem is, that the are just too many people who fall way outside those norms. Making them pretty much useless when dealing with individuals. My advice, take 'em on a case by case basis. It's just not useful enough to make assumptions based on averages.

 

What I mean is, assuming that all black people have AIDS carries it's dangers (mostly socially)... assuming white people don't have AIDS - probably a lot more dangerous.

 

I'm betting we'd all be better off we we assumed everyone had AIDS.

[Uomo 15]

It really doesn't matter to me what any statistics show, the minute you choose to swing and have sex with others you are going to put yourself at risk for Aids, STD, and all kinds of nasties. Regardless of what their race or colour is. So don't get the idea that you are going to be safe playing with just white people because as those statistics show..white people have aids too and there isn't any way to show who has it and who does not unless you have access to their medical records.

 

Excellent point. White, Black, Latino ... you are never truly "safe." STDs scare the shit out of me. All I'm trying to do in narrowing my selection criterea is improve my statistical odds. Race is just one consideration (among many). You have to assess the whole.

 

For much the same reason, I would much prefer to find a single swing partner for repeat encounters ... than a series of mixed partners at subsequent events. But ... to each, their own.

[nteracialcpl 15]

In2curiosity said:

We are as biracial couple and as much as the CAPS would make me cringe.....it helps avoid a waste of time.

 

Also as politically correct as the world has become I am sure there are people who feel the way that couple do (probably more in the South where we are)

 

Honestly I would rather deal with an out-of-the-closet bigot than a secretive one any day.....in every part of my life.

I'd have to whole-heartedly agree with the quoted statement. As much as it hurts, knowing that certain situations would be possible (even, likely), were it not for one's skin-color, and, that this person, most likely, sees him/them-selves as better than you, for no legitimate, justifiable reason, such a bigoted attitude begs that I confront them, and, argue the lack of merits to their case, but, reality insists that there are way too many fish in the sea, for me to waste moments' stress, worrying about trying to be treated in a considerate manner, by someone so predisposed.

[nteracialcpl 15]

2inVT said:

I don't feel that people need to be politically correct - but I also don't feel that they need to be rude.

 

I don't agree with the issues Uomo has with blacks and bisexual men, but I respect his right to feel the way he does.

 

However, I think that his opinions/preferences that way could be easily and politely expressed as "we don't play with blacks or bisexual men," rather than going into the reasoning behind that.

Myself, I feel like "sweetshyquiet" hit the nail right on the head. Bigots, since this country was founded, based their reasoning on flat-out LIES, but, no one had the inclination to point it out, especially, when those lies tilted the scales in their own favor(s).

 

All Blacks (or, any other all-inclusive group, for that matter) DO NOT wear their pants sagging, so, claiming that as a reason for "disliking" Blacks is, de facto, fraudulent reasoning!

 

If you're a racist, be one right up-front! Don't do as Rush Limbaugh, David Duke, and, President Bush, and, try to pretend that your flaws are the other mans' fault!

 

Every man has a right to his own preferences, feeling, etc., and, the right to state as much, as well. Just, if you're gonna indulge, at least, be truthful with yourself, if no one else.

[2inVT 122]

nteracialcpl said:

Myself, I feel like "sweetshyquiet" hit the nail right on the head. Bigots, since this country was founded, based their reasoning on flat-out LIES, but, no one had the inclination to point it out, especially, when those lies tilted the scales in their own favor(s).

 

All Blacks (or, any other all-inclusive group, for that matter) DO NOT wear their pants sagging, so, claiming that as a reason for "disliking" Blacks is, de facto, fraudulent reasoning!

 

If you're a racist, be one right up-front! Don't do as Rush Limbaugh, David Duke, and, President Bush, and, try to pretend that your flaws are the other mans' fault!

 

Every man has a right to his own preferences, feeling, etc., and, the right to state as much, as well. Just, if you're gonna indulge, at least, be truthful with yourself, if no one else.

 

Wait a minute. I'm not even REMOTELY in agreement with Uomo. You won't see "no blacks, no bisexuals, or no whatever race/religion/etc." in our preferences.

 

If you're suggesting that I do agree with him, you're wrong. He has a right to say what he wants or doesn't want however he chooses to word it. And I have the right to skip over any profile that gives racial preferences - which is exactly what I do. We don't refer to race in any way in our profile - because it's not a factor in either direction.

[Uomo 15]

All Blacks (or, any other all-inclusive group, for that matter) DO NOT wear their pants sagging, so, claiming that as a reason for "disliking" Blacks is, de facto, fraudulent reasoning!

 

Someone want to clue me in ... ? What the hell is this guy talking about ("disliking" blacks because of "saggy pants")?

 

Well ... if we are going to start making shit up about me ... Uomo might as well get in on the fun.

 

The reason I hate Irish people is because they all drink Guiness Stout and sing too loud -- Uomo prefers Sambuca and jazz piano. The reason I hate Italians is because they all want to take credit for inventing pizza (when everybody knows most decent Pizza restaurants are owned by the Greeks). Of course, like most swingers, I absolutely loathe Hungarians (any country that uses a two syllable word for "yes" deserves to eradicated from the planet -- it's a difficult language).

 

And don't even get me started on Monkeys ...

[In2curiosity 15]

Uomo said:

My point exactly ...

 

As far as the "black chicks lining up" bit (on the other hand) ... that was a bit over the top. I know ... Uomo is responsible for the prevelence of AIDS among minorities. If Uomo raises the issue (or if Uomo refuses to sleep with black women) ... Uomo MUST be a racist. Please ...

 

The whole point of an internet chat board is to promote the free and liberal exchange of ideas ... not to advance a political movement or agenda.

 

Nobody kicks a dead dog. I get people talking ...

 

You have a good point and there shouldn't be a kneejerk reaction to what you are saying. With that said, I think it is also important to look at more than a persons color when assigning risk. Black males who are NOT IV drug users are not as high a "risk" as some other segments of the population. Unaware wives of bisexual and/or gay men are one of the fastest growing segments of the population and the lifestyle does carry risks. Thinking that you can look at a person and judge whether they are a risk in itself is a form of Russian Roulette. I prefer to assume that anyone I or my husband has sex with is a carrier and take reasonable precautions. Think about it.....if a couple attends an on site club with about 200 members, it only takes one person passing the "sight" test to begin a horrendous chain of events. I have heard the argument about couples being safer but there are many couples who play with single males......and I can assume that most people who go to clubs have seen more than one couple who seem to be on a quantity versus quality mission. So for me...higher risk factors include how long they have been in the lifestyle....whether they ever go "bareback"....are they drug users.....and does the husband engage in Bi-play. That to me is much more telling than race. But that is my criteria and we all have a comfort zone, so I can't fault you yours no matter how 'off' I find it.

 

Mrs. Me