Question regarding MFM mindset

[PrivateDance42 17]

I'm very interested in the general mindset of straight males who are willing to join a 'married' couple for a MFM threesome.

 

I understand that many married males are aroused by seeing their female become sexually aroused by another male. But, if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

 

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'? Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)? Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex? Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

 

It may be impossible to generalize, but does anyone (male or female) have any useful insight?

[sereneiders 263]

It's a great question! I have no clue myself and would like to read some answers too.

[valley 25]

Voyeurism is a good place to start ....to answer the question of why.Then if you can understand why people are voyeuristic ,you can start on exhibitionism.

 

My hubby tells me what he loves but he cannot pin down the why.Apart from the fact it looks good.

[meandher2go 17]

It's like watching live porn right? How bad could it be, and if ya get to enjoy HER it's even better then.

 

Alone is gonna be preferred but with the husband present it's good too.

[hilltop 16]

It's done for the same reasons everyone here seeks other playmates to enhance their sex life.

 

Are there those who do it just for NSA sex? Sure, just register on any ad site and say you're looking for a single male . . .

 

If you're going to break it down to just the physical, what do singles get out of sex with anyone - swingers or vanilla. We do it for the same reasons everyone has sex.

 

Voyeuristic? You bet - we like it for the same reasons so many couples watch porn.

 

For myself I find more honest passion with a couple who are pushing the limits of their sexuality and if you're lucky enough to form a friendship out of it you're part of a very unique dynamic that most of society doesn't understand. What's not to like about that?

 

I love these sorts o' questions. It assumes singles are somehow "different" than everyone else. Remember, we're just you without a committed partner.

[Rockon 19]

I find it to be an extreme turn-on to be with a lady that can and will handle two guys at once.

[Thrax 384]

But, if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

Sex.

 

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'?

Sometimes. It can be like watching live porn.

 

Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)?

No.

 

Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex?

It's another swing opportunity.

 

 

Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

I do prefer that. (And BTW, except for Rosie Palm, one-on-one sex with a female -- no other male present -- is the only way I've had sex in the vanilla world. ) However, as I think has been pointed out in many, many other threads, swinging tends to be more couple-oriented than singles (male or female) oriented. And compared to couples and single males, single females are probably the smallest group in SchwingWorld. There are also married women who play with single males (and in my case I've played with a few women WITH their husbands' approval, but without the spouse being present), but again, that can be infrequent. Okay, so that's a small group, too. Anyway, I might as well take advantage of an MFM opportunity if I get along with a couple and they accept me.

[Platinum24 18]

I've always kinda wanted to know this myself. As a gay male, I've always wondered how straight males can stay hard and have sex in front of each other. I never thought I could get hard in front of a female but I did. So I understand.

[PrivateDance42 17]

Thank you. I got some useful insights from the answers provided, especially from the single males.

 

I love these sorts o' questions. It assumes singles are somehow "different" than everyone else. Remember, we're just you without a committed partner.

 

My question is not a declarative statement, but I admit there is an embedded assumption that single males are somewhat different than married males. The married man in a MFM has an emotional connection with the F - this is an important distinction in my book. I had assumed that this emotional connection was the main reason why married males enjoyed seeing their partners receive pleasure from another man - they empathize with their partner because of their emotional attachment. Yet, it appears that the single males also get pleasure from seeing a female get pleasured by a man - but it is more voyeuristic and less emotional/empathetic.

 

 

If my initial question was turned on its side, it might address a female's motivation for taking part in a FMF threesome. I didn't ask this question because, as a bi-female, I think I have some insight. The 'single' female, because she is bisexual, enjoys the physical interaction between each partner, male and female. I don't imagine that there are many 'straight' females which engage in FMF, yet it seems that single males engaging in MFM are mostly straight.

 

I am very aware that females, in general, can have sex whenever they want with a very wide range of people. So, I understand the perspective of a male who engages in MFM partly to expand his chances to enjoy regular sexual activity. What is that silly quote from Woody Allen? Something about being bisexual doubles your chances of getting a date for Saturday night? I guess a similar factor applies to single males in the lifestyle - MFM expands your opportunities.

[hilltop 16]

Privatedance24 -

 

I appreciate the clarification on the motives for your question. It was VERY well stated.

 

Unfortunately as a single male in the swinging community it is a constant challenge to be seen for the individuals we are. Because their are so many of our fellows who are more than willing to behave like absolute brutes it becomes ever more important to try and provide a look into being single that goes past the stereotype. I didn't take your question as a declarative statement but I did use the opportunity as a forum and for that I apologize.

 

Here's a little more personal insight to what I said in my previous post regarding passion.

 

I was involved in a physical relationship for a short time with a lesbian couple. The three of us had known each other for a long time and they had been together for about seven years. The passion and level of excitement for them during our time together was as intense (maybe even more so) to any MFM encounter that I've had with any couple. So, for me regardless of the circumstance or the genders involved it's all about that powerful dynamic that three people can generate!

[JnCC 24]

I'm not the most qualified guy to answer these questions. If I'm to believe some of the other posts I've read here, there are guys who have far more experience than I at these things. But I've done a few over the years, so here goes......

if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

For me, that depends mostly upon the couple. In the worst case scenario, I'm simply doing something out of the ordinary...something totally different from the usual, M/F dating scene...and maybe helping a couple live a fantasy. On the other hand, it's possible to meet people who become friends for years. Either way, I'm meeting some very interesting people...

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'?

Yea, a little. But no more so than watching another couple at a swing club, which is to say, it's interesting...for about 5 minutes. If they're putting on a little "show" for me, it's different, and that time limit no longer applies. I can be a very appreciative "audience."

 

I was at a club not long ago, and one young woman was "entertaining" a small group of men not 10 feet from the pool table. The players hardly noticed.

Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)?

Whooo-hoo...bisexuality. That's a real hot button among men. There's been some interesting research lately on how boys' brains develop, and how we are very sensitive to public scrutiny or criticism. Basically, what it says is that we don't like to be "dissed" in front of other men. Our social hierarchy is vertically oriented...status in conferred upon those who are higher up on the totem pole. Women are more "laterally oriented." For them, it's important to get along with all members of the group, with little regard to who's the actual "Top Dog."

 

This probably has some implications as to why women are more comfortable with bisexuality in a group setting. They're getting to "know" the other women before entrusting their husbands to them. For men, it's very different...we want to know who the alpha-male is, and where we stand in the order of things. Obviously, a man who has a penis in his mouth loses status to the man who owns the penis. And they both lose status to the guy who has his penis in the mouth of a beautiful woman. We may be "aroused," but at a very deep, subconscious level.

 

(There are some fascinating parallels as to how males and females experience homosexuality differently, that are too complicated to go into here)

 

Bottom line? I think there IS a component of bisexuality in most MFM encounters, although that doesn't mean that either male would ever act overtly on those feelings.

Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex?

Absolutely NOT. For one thing, there is a TON of "no strings sex" available in the vanilla world. We like to fuck. Fucking is a good thing. And without question, the desire to have sex is our one truly "renewable" natural resource. Fuck today, and in a few days you'll want to fuck again. When you do, it'll be like the sex you had today never happened. Naaaahhh...finding somebody who just wants to bump uglies is no problem.

 

To understand the biggest reason most guys don't do this "just to get laid," you have to look at the numbers. There are SO many guys going after so few couples in the lifestyle, that the quality of the people they meet, and the time and effort they have to put into meeting them, is bound to suffer. I'm sorry, but that's just the long and the short of it.

Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

Most of the time, yes. For one thing, sex that's being "choreographed" by any other person is highly distracting. ("Put it here...do it there...let's all try this...") It's pretty common for couples who are into MFM to have certain fantasies they want to play out. The fact that those fantasies may not fit the mood or the environment can leave a lot of egos bruised and hard feelings all around.

 

The other reason is that "The language of love is not spoken, but whispered" as one of my friends puts it. "Nuances of desire," and "subtleties of motion" are hard enough to decipher when you're 1-on-1. Having another man there, and trying to remain cognizant of their limits can mask or even contradict the signals the woman is sending via her sexual response. It's like trying to test-drive a motorcycle...with a sticky throttle...and the salesman on the back...and a cop 30 feet behind you both.

 

MFM's can be fun, and despite the drawbacks, I've made 1 or 2 great friendships through them, but they'll never replace sex...

[pjohn 15]

 

So, for me regardless of the circumstance or the genders involved it's all about that powerful dynamic that three people can generate!

 

Well said it hilltop...it's nothing but that

[sereneiders 263]

JnCC,

 

I liked your overall analysis, and agree with most of what you said. At least the theoretical aspects, since I am a married guy and curious to know the answers to these questions from single males.

 

To understand the biggest reason most guys don't do this "just to get laid," you have to look at the numbers. There are SO many guys going after so few couples in the lifestyle, that the quality of the people they meet, and the time and effort they have to put into meeting them, is bound to suffer.

 

I see your point and I agree that is the case for a lot of single males, I doubt you could generalize that. There could be even far more single males looking for an easy laid that gives it a try for a couple of weeks, and as soon as one get tired and give up, a new one brings up to fill up the place left from the former, for the statistical purposes.

 

For the sake of the analysis, we could take a look at what happens with single women looking to be with a couple. I do NOT know, but I guess there are way less women, and I'd say very few women looks in the lifestyle to get laid. I know, cultural/educational differences among men and women have to do with it, but the same differences may have to be taken into account for single males, and on the grounds of the very same arguments you provided.

 

We're not up to MFM's, not because we didn't fantasized of this, instead because we have no clues nor grounds to evaluate this questions in an every case basis, for example, for every single guy that approaches us in the club.

 

I agree that being with a couple involves way more effort (and "social engineering" if you allow me the expression) than finding a woman, but I could use the same arguments you gave to us to "build up" a consistent scenario where a guy could be up to make this effort in a way that could be risky for us.

 

We had an example in this forum from a guy complaining about people's behavior in a club (that was the thread subject) when actually, even being a married guy, he was trying to reassure his own "alpha-male" ego by supposing other wives were there to get what these husbands were not able to provide and he stated he was.

 

I am pretty sure it is not the case for the single males like yourself in this forum, from what they say, and I guess the sort of males I am talking about doesn't have the chance to answer this thread because we beaten them up before.

 

I am not trying to beat up the singles here, I am just exposing the fears we have, the ones leading me to get to know these answers.

 

Perhaps we should have to start another thread to avoid hijacking this one, one were to rawly confess our fears and all these "devious" things that from time to time crosses the back of our mind as to expose the things that may happen under the table, i.e., get to know that picture we have about that feared monster, the mice, and the mice itself to recognize it isn't such a monster.

[youngguy24m 15]

I am a single male and have yet to participate in a MFM but....

 

I've always been attracted to MFM pornography. A woman's face and the noises she makes while being pleasured have always been a major turn-on. The thought of a woman looking up at me with the passion of being fucked from behind while she has me in her mouth drives me insane.

 

The short answer....a woman's pleasure is mine.

[the_write_one 15]

I don't have a bi bone in my body nor any inclination to have sexual contact with another male. That being said I am excessively voyeuristic (and anyone who reads my profile will know what I like to watch) and also quite secure in my masculinity. Everything, even the voyeuristic tendencies, is about the woman's pleasure. I think that is why I like to watch so much--to be able to focus on her physical and facial reaction to the extreme pleasure she's experiencing. I also have no problem being watched and have performed, even in dp's, several times. Being in close proximity to another penis is not a life-threatening situation. LOL

[curiousagain 326]

Most of the sex I have is one on one. But, when I am in a MFM it is usually with people I am friends with. The trust developed with friends and the ability to know what they want without explicit instructions sometimes makes things easier. First time with strangers, I think JNCC had a good analogy about testing a motorcycle. But, with people your friends with and know the rules ahead of time and everybody's in agreement and the worries disappear and it's more like a group of old friends riding together without a policeman in sight.

 

Why do I participate in MFM sometimes? A good woman is like a fast car, you really can't appreciate them until you see them operating at their limit. There's nothing like a woman without the usual inhibitions. And, as friends you're there to help the couple/woman live out a fantasy. Sometimes they know a single gal wanting to live out a few fantasies. Just friends having good times in a sexual way.

[cumhungrycouple 15]

I as a man always suspected that women were the natural sexual predators and true lovers of sex. Women can cum until they collapse and if fit that's after several hours. Most of us men are ok twice or three times but a woman can take a lot more than one man can give. Religion - dominated by men - and mens jealousy of looking after other mens off spring led to "monogamy" in religion. Or polygamy with 1 man many woman so offspring rights ensured

 

But sexually surely most women can easily take 2,3,or more guys!

 

So firstly it's just plain old sexual satisfaction. Men are mostly aroused by the end of their dicks (not 100% of course) but woman can cum from almost any part of their bodies. Some cum very quickly from being touched.

 

So having two sets of hands and two mouths is very erotic for a woman. Also DP is great for most woman - either vagina/mouth or vagina/ass.

 

So it makes "physical" sense for a MFM threesome.

 

As a man though with a sexy wife I suppose I also love to see her "go wild". I like "bad gals" who love sex. Nice to see her go wild and shag loads of guys! ok I get my turn - and I know how to make her cum more as I know her well but it's a lovely thing to her truly shagged and covered in cum. Me kinky? Yep!

 

Also it's nice to see another man enter her doggy while she blows me. the look on her face is well worth it.

 

And I suppose it's "naughty" not "normal" which makes it a kinky secret for us. Anything bad is fun.

[singleagain 26]

I have participated in many mfm's...most very enjoyable...some not so enjoyable. For me it's not about finding a place to have an orgasm. It's about the give and take of sharing a woman who wants to be shared. The first time I ever saw a MFM threesome in a porn movie I was hooked. The movie was a takeoff on the "Mash" movie and the female in the scene really played her part good. She looked as if she really enjoyed it. I found it erotic and exciting. One on one sex is good...don't get me wrong...but sex with a couple where the woman is uninhibited enough to really enjoy it is so very good.

[WesternSwing 504]

I'm very interested in the general mindset of straight males who are willing to join a 'married' couple for a MFM threesome.

 

I understand that many married males are aroused by seeing their female become sexually aroused by another male. But, if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

 

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'? Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)? Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex? Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

 

It may be impossible to generalize, but does anyone (male or female) have any useful insight?

Although we are married, I can say from knowing some "good" single males who have had great success in the Lifestyle that what they like is 1) being more aroused by seeing the female having such a good time (same reason many married men are aroused by MFM with their wife) and 2) the opportunity for no-strings attached sex. In our experience bisexuality has very little to nothing to do with it. But, being okay around another naked penis is a prerequisite.

 

Mr. WS

[zeropt99 15]

I had a few MFM threesomes over the past 5 years or so (me, my girlfriend, and a close friend), and it just always turned out to be a lot of fun. I think it's fun having 2 people to pleasure a third.

 

I've had one or two somewhat unsuccessful FMF threesomes and I always felt a bit pressured to be the stallion of the night I think. It was a little intimidating, to be honest.

[Darter02 15]

I have participated in a number of MFM scenarios. I am not bi or even curious and at first wondered how I would handle the situation. What I found is that in giving such sensual pleasure to a woman with another man doing the same is an incredibly erotic experience!

 

There has never been any sexual interaction between the men and myself. There is always the inevitable “incidental contact” such as bumping elbows or knees and in a DP certain parts may “clink.”

 

I am usually so focused on how the woman is reacting and driving her to sexual heights that I am not very focused on the other man. Granted, I DO pay attention to what he doing. It is essential for us to act in harmony. A graceful dance in bed with two pleasuring one is what it is all about.

 

To me, it’s always about the pleasure of the woman. That is were my own pleasure is derived.

[valley 25]

Well spoken Darter...when are you heading our way? I appreciate how you feel and that's how many guys are. But when the guys realize that for me, us, that your pleasure is as important as ours, that's when you can become attuned and get about exploring the many and varied pleasures to be had. Many guys think if they don't get their jollies quick they may miss out. For some that has been the case, according what we have heard. It seems that if the husband pops his cork too soon, then loses interest in everything, bingo...party over.

 

That is so totally unfair. If my husband happens to get overstimulated and we didn't stop him in time, he just politely backs off while I continue what was going on. But Darter I assure you that my partner's pleasure is as much part of my pleasure as the sex itself.

 

It's a huge subject, MFM, it and has nothing to do with bi sex, DP, or anal sex, at least not for us. There is so much to enjoy, that when we meet a guy who is interested in it, we like to find out why he is. Then we can tell whether he would suit us. So just because he thinks that my pleasure is the only thing, does not make him my perfect choice for MFM, but goes a long way.

 

Can you see my mindset? It's a filthy mind eh?

[Darter02 15]

Oh my Valley... I feel all tingly! Now you have me remembering and thinking about some new adventures as well! I do so love the sensual nature of it all.

[Rascal 17]

I've always really enjoyed and gotten off on how the woman gets off! :-) The more excited she gets and the more she enjoys it the more I enjoy it! There is very little voyeurism involved with me... other than watching her face when contorted with pleasurable sensations... I just think that the extra high that a woman can get out of a MFM threesome is super attractive. Attractive enough to make me search out 3sums on a fairly regular basis. :-) It being an incredibly erotic experience is an understatement! :-) I love making the woman the center of attention and love that they can get carried away with the pleasures offered.

[Chandler 16]

I'm very interested in the general mindset of straight males who are willing to join a 'married' couple for a MFM threesome.

 

I understand that many married males are aroused by seeing their female become sexually aroused by another male. But, if you are the other (unmarried) male, what exactly are you getting out of the experience?

 

Are you (the other male) aroused by watching the female engage with her 'husband'? Are you aroused by watching the other male (perhaps because you have bisexual tendencies)? Are you participating in MFM sex merely to expand your opportunity to have no-strings-attached sex? Would you prefer to have one-on-sex with females without another male present?

 

It may be impossible to generalize, but does anyone (male or female) have any useful insight?

 

As a single male, I do get aroused seeing a female have sex with her husband. I'm not paying much attention to the male, because that doesn't interest me, but I do notice what he is doing to turn her on, and what he does to make her orgasm. The main reason for having a MFM relationship is to have no-strings-attached sex. Other than possibly revisiting with the couple on later meetings, I have no interest in getting serious with the female. I do enjoy having one-on-one sex with the female (which happens on occasion), but wouldn’t consider getting involved emotionally, because it’s morally not the right thing to do to come in between a marriage.

[sexypetite35 17]

I as a man always suspected that women were the natural sexual predators and true lovers of sex. Women can cum until they collapse and if fit that's after several hours. Most of us men are ok twice or three times but a woman can take a lot more than one man can give. Religion - dominated by men - and mens jealousy of looking after other mens off spring led to "monogamy" in religion. Or polygamy with 1 man many woman so offspring rights ensured

 

But sexually surely most women can easily take 2,3,or more guys!

 

So firstly it's just plain old sexual satisfaction. Men are mostly aroused by the end of their dicks (not 100% of course) but woman can cum from almost any part of their bodies. some cum very quickly from being touched

 

so having two sets of hands and two mouths is very erotic for a woman. also DP is great for most woman - either vagina/mouth or vagina/A

 

So it makes "physical" sense for a MFM threesome.

 

As a man though with a sexy wife I suppose I also love to see her "go wild". I like "bad gals" who love sex. Nice to see her go wild and shag loads of guys! ok I get my turn - and I know how to make her cum more as I know her well but it's a lovely thing to her truly shagged and covered in cum. Me kinky? yep!

 

Also it's nice to see another man enter her doggy while she blows me. the look on her face is well worth it

 

And I suppose it's "naughty" not "normal" which makes it a kinky secret for us. Anything bad is fun.

 

It's all about bringing the wife the ultimate sexual pleasure of four hands on her body, two cocks at the same time to fulfill have every sexual desire at the same time. My wife claims when we DP her the orgasms are much more intense for her. And her knowing that she can bring sexual pleasure to two men at the same time sexually turns her on.

[angelkin 1,326]

My husband says pretty much the same thing - seeing me in total sexual bliss is erotic for him. Lucky me!