MMF - Soft Play?

[PrivateDance42 17]

My question is for single males and couples who have engaged in pre-arranged MMF play: Is there something equivalent to a couples' soft swap' which can be applied to MMF encounters?

 

In other words: In a MMF encounter, do both of the males expect to engage in intercourse with the female - or is it common for one or both of the males to be limited (by prearrangement) to softer sexual activities such as oral play and petting?

 

Single men: Would you be put off if you were invited to a MMF whereby you were going to be limited to soft activities?

 

I realize that practically anything is possible if all parties agree in advance. But I am interested in learning what is involved in a typical MMF encounter.

[sexyshelby 19]

I realize that practically anything is possible if all parties agree in advance. But I am interested in learning what is involved in a typical MMF encounter.

 

There you have it... Anything is possible if pre-arranged and agreed to.

 

I would guess that what is typical for one couple is not the same for another. And sure, some single males might be put off by knowing they can only participate in a "soft" encounter. But just do what you are comfortable with.

 

~SS

[valley 25]

Why would A woman want 'soft' contact with a guy? The idea to have another guy with you,a couple, is to have sex.Is'nt it?

 

Or am I missing something?

 

At least to attempt to have sex.I can get enough kisses and cuddles and caresses from my husband.

[hilltop 16]

My question is for single males and couples who have engaged in pre-arranged MMF play: Is there something equivalent to a couples' soft swap' which can be applied to MMF encounters? QUOTE]

 

It will be harder to arrange if soft activity only is a requirement. Your choice of willing partners will be limited but given time you can find someone.

 

QUOTE]In other words: In a MMF encounter, do both of the males expect to engage in intercourse with the female - or is it common for one or both of the males to be limited (by prearrangement) to softer sexual activities such as oral play and petting?QUOTE]

 

I wouldn't think it's all that common for the males to be limited to soft contact only but expectations have to be based on what you've discussed and agreed upon with the couple beforehand.

 

Single men: Would you be put off if you were invited to a MMF whereby you were going to be limited to soft activities?

 

I wouldn't be put off at all as long as it was communicated upfront that the couple wanted to limit it to soft activity. You also have to be sensitive to the comfort level of the couple, even if intercourse was expected but there's a definite hesitation to penetration you have to be willing to pull back a little and follow their lead.

 

QUOTE]I realize that practically anything is possible if all parties agree in advance. But I am interested in learning what is involved in a typical MMF encounter.

 

Being Pre-arranged really is the way it usually goes. You need to have good upfront communication with the couple. You're trying to get together to have some fun so you want to work out the details and find out where the limits are.

 

There will always be those times you think you're all on the same page but it turns out not to be so. It's handy to have a plan B just in case.

 

As far as typical? Every one I've been involved in seems to be different (unless I know the couple really well) but I typically look to have lots of fun

[hilltop 16]

Sorry privatedance . . .

 

I always seem to screw up getting quotes to work right

 

Some o' my answers to your questions are mixed into your quotes.

[jaydee555 15]

What worked for us the first time around, is that we did everything except intercourse. It was exhibition that led into masterbation, that led into oral. We all agreed that was the way we were going to do it, and that's what we did!

 

Like everyone say's, if thats what makes everyone comfortable in the MFM, then do it! When we later talked about the encounter, and found out how we felt about it, then we decided to take the next step. We always had good communcation between us, and that is imperative in my opinion..

[sereneiders 263]

Well, I am a married guy, but supposing I were the single male in such an scenario, it would be really ok for me to have a soft intervention.

 

As a related issue, I don't crave for penetrating a woman in all an every encounter. In our marriage we doesn't pursuit things like cumming togheter, if it happens it's wellcomed, but it's more like we're up to say "today it's your turn, tomorrow will be mine". With other women it happend to me I felt compelled to penetrate her as to ensure to meet her expectations (and now I give this a tought, perhaps I'm not taking a good approach to this issue), but I would like way more a free game where penetration would be just another option. Once we get to know eachother, later on things may turn into this playfull setting, once I get confident about her expectations.

 

So, if I were single, I know for sure I'd be up for playfull settings that may not include it.

[PrivateDance42 17]

Why would A woman want 'soft' contact with a guy? The idea to have another guy with you,a couple, is to have sex.Is'nt it?

 

I realize there are proponents of the view that the only form of 'sex' is intercourse - and that oral play and genital touching don't qualify as sex - I just don't happen to agree with that view.

[PrivateDance42 17]

Being Pre-arranged really is the way it usually goes. You need to have good upfront communication with the couple. You're trying to get together to have some fun so you want to work out the details and find out where the limits are.

 

This seems to be the consensus view. Anything can be pre-arranged if all parties agree. As a soft swap couple, my husband face the same issue when we interact with full swap couples - we need to determine whose boundaries are applicable prior to entering the bedroom. (Although everyone is always free to say 'no' to any activity at any time.)

 

Thanks hilltop!

[PrivateDance42 17]

 

Exactly. My husband and I have sex with one another nearly every day (twice on Saturday ) - yet penetration is not part of every encounter. Expecting otherwise is okay for certain folks, but very 'old fashioned' in my book.

[valley 25]

I realize there are proponents of the view that the only form of 'sex' is intercourse - and that oral play and genital touching don't qualify as sex - I just don't happen to agree with that view.

 

It is not me who considers oral sex is 'soft'.Oral sex is full on sex as far as I am concerned.You sound a little confused.The original question mentions oral play as 'soft'.I am not interested in 'soft swing' with a third person unless there are special circumstances.

 

As I said,is it not ,normally, the reason you take other than your SO to bed?...SEX...?

[sereneiders 263]

I realize there are proponents of the view that the only form of 'sex' is intercourse - and that oral play and genital touching don't qualify as sex - I just don't happen to agree with that view.

 

I agree with you, but also with valley here.

 

The boundaries between hard and soft are also very personal. I didn't made the distinction before either, and oversimplified referring to penetration.

 

Perhaps the mistake here is to confuse sex with sexuality, we often use to former to refer to the second. As swingers we share our sexuality with others, this may or may not involve sex. For example, two couples may meet to have sex in the same bed without swapping, they would be sharing their sexuality without sharing sex properly speaking.

 

A couple could like to be seen by single males while having sex, sharing their sexuality with him, while he enjoys his own vouyerism (and perhaps jack off).

 

I believe on both scenarios, the involved ones are swingers and this is properly a swinging activity.

 

As a male, I would be up to be such third one enjoying my voyeurism this way, as I enjoy the arousing game of watching each other masturbate. It also could be something sexual that doesn't imply penetration, like limit myself to masturbate or give tonge to my partner, where the enjoyment comes from realizing how much pleasure I can provide, from being in control of the peace and the amount of pleasure my partner is getting, and not from my sexual (phisical) pleasure, one I know I'll get later on, for sure "taking adventage" of the previous arousal and enjoyment.

[PrivateDance42 17]

It is not me who considers oral sex is 'soft'.Oral sex is full on sex as far as I am concerned.You sound a little confused.The original question mentions oral play as 'soft'.I am not interested in 'soft swing' with a third person unless there are special circumstances.

 

As I said,is it not ,normally, the reason you take other than your SO to bed?...SEX...?

 

I am not confused in the least. I consider most soft activities (including oral play) to be sex... and I also consider intercourse to be sex. (I consider daisies to be flowers, and I consider roses to be flowers, and I enjoy both.)

 

I am fully aware (and accepting) of the fact that some people are not interested in soft activities with others (under most circumstances), whether in a couples swap or as part of an MFM encounter. And I suppose that there are committed couples who express their sexual intimacy primarily (or totally) through intercourse - fine and dandy - it's all good.

[valley 25]

With due respect PrivateDance42,If its 'soft 'play,it is NOT sex.It is sensual foreplay but not sex. Kissing ,cuddling,caressing I consider is 'soft.If or when it gets to masturbation,mutual or not,penetration,digital or otherwise,or as you say 'oral'play,it has gone from the realm of 'soft' play.You cant have both....'soft ' play sex.

 

At least that is my understanding of 'soft' swing/play.So I will restate: under normal circumstances we do not take a third person to our bed for 'soft' play only.We have done so with the precise intention of having sex.Of course there will be 'soft 'play along the way....if I get lucky.

[PrivateDance42 17]

With due respect PrivateDance42,If its 'soft 'play,it is NOT sex.It is sensual foreplay but not sex. Kissing ,cuddling,caressing I consider is 'soft.If or when it gets to masturbation,mutual or not,penetration,digital or otherwise,or as you say 'oral'play,it has gone from the realm of 'soft' play.You cant have both....'soft ' play sex.

 

At least that is my understanding of 'soft' swing/play.So I will restate: under normal circumstances we do not take a third person to our bed for 'soft' play only.We have done so with the precise intention of having sex.Of course there will be 'soft 'play along the way....if I get lucky.

 

I am still trying to understand the point of disagreement - but it may be that you don't consider oral sex or genital touching to be 'soft'. Your definition of soft includes, as you say, "kissing, cuddling, caressing". The working definition among lifestyle couples, as I understand it, is that "soft swaps" often include oral sex, but anything beyond oral (i.e. intercourse) is considered full swap.

 

No need to continually repeat your preference for not including a third person in your soft play - I think that point is clear. But there is room in the lifestyle (I believe) for couples who differ with your approach- and my purpose in starting this thread was to understand the extent to which single males are interested in joining couples for soft play (anything up to, but not including, intercourse). Thank you to those who replied on topic.

[Thrax 384]

valley said:

With due respect PrivateDance42,If its 'soft 'play,it is NOT sex.It is sensual foreplay but not sex. Kissing ,cuddling,caressing I consider is 'soft.If or when it gets to masturbation,mutual or not,penetration,digital or otherwise,or as you say 'oral'play,it has gone from the realm of 'soft' play.You cant have both....'soft ' play sex.

 

At least that is my understanding of 'soft' swing/play.So I will restate: under normal circumstances we do not take a third person to our bed for 'soft' play only.We have done so with the precise intention of having sex.Of course there will be 'soft 'play along the way....if I get lucky.

Valley, maybe the definition is a regional thing? For the five years I've been swinging I have understood "soft" swinging to include just about everything but intercourse.

 

The definition from the Dictionary on this Board for SOFT SWINGING is: "The term used to describe same-room sex, watching/being watched, or any sexual encounter up to, but not including intercourse, with someone other than your spouse. The first experience for many couples is some type of soft-swinging."

 

So, I understand how you're defining the term, but I think PrivateDance42 and I, and many others at least in the NE U.S. maintain a definition similar to that found in the Board's Dictionary. So, soft swinging can sometimes get a little...hard.

[valley 25]

One of the most amusing things that came from 'bill/monica' was the statement: "I did not have sexual relations with Miss......".It was almost unbelievable that a man as intelligent as he was supposed to be, could say such a ridiculous thing.Had you,in America been listening you may have heard our uproarious mirth.We then go on to find out that survey after survey show(in America I mean ),that most people are of that opinion.Oral sex isnt considered sex.I was stunned to read that college kids ,90% or so didnt think it was very important.

 

However thats how life is these days.With the general rule here in Australia that oral sex,often, is even more intimate than intercourse,you can understand that I do not consider it remotely 'soft'

 

At least Bill made it respectable,bless his heart.

 

I also think Monica should have come on here and learned how to do it properly ,from all you lovely people.

 

Thrax,maybe it is regional. But thank god its still internationally beautiful

[Thrax 384]

Had you,in America been listening you may have heard our uproarious mirth.

Some of us were laughing here, too, because if we didn't we'd probably be crying.

 

Give the lady a cigar!

[hilltop 16]

Had you,in America been listening you may have heard our uproarious mirthl

 

The only reason we didn't hear you was because we were our asses off!

 

They didn't call him "Slick Willy" for nuthin'!!

[cplmckay 15]

Hello.. in answer to your question, no I would not be put off. But then I am in the lifestyle and can only speak from that point of view. The thing is this. As a male who is open to sexual adventure and not just out to get laid or get off I enjoy pleasing who I am with. So speaking from that point of view it does not put me off if you as a couple want me to to watch, touch or massage or just do oral or for that matter just be there with my clothes on sharing the thrill of you having someone present. If the single male is really what you want but want soft play he should be just as happy to be privilaged enough to be present and accounted for. This is not about pressure or his wants as much as it is about you and your hunnies! A friendship built on this pace should lead to more things down the road and if it does not at least he now knows and has more sexually fun friends he can talk with.

[just1gurl 15]

I'm with Valley on this, I'd sit on a bus seat but I wouldn't put my mouth on one.

to me oral is more personal...

 

no particular reasoning here though.

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Please - all cigars to the back of the bus.

[hott209couple 15]

We are a married couple who had this experience before. Communication is the most important part of the whole situation...

[PrivateDance42 17]

I'm with Valley on this, I'd sit on a bus seat but I wouldn't put my mouth on one.

to me oral is more personal...

 

no particular reasoning here though.

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Please - all cigars to the back of the bus.

 

Although this point/counterpoint is entirely off topic - I don't know what to consider more 'personal' - oral, intercourse, touching to the point or orgasm, kissing, caressing, cuddling, etc... Each person/couple is (obviously) free to form their own opinions with regards to this issue.

 

Fortunately, however, my experience is such that I would not draw analogies between oral sex and the licking of a bus seat.

 

Once again, thank you to those of you who have provided me with a sense of the 'play expectations' of males who join a couple for a MFM encounter. As many have said, proper (upfront) communication is key.

[valley 25]

To clarify our situation and to answer your original question,we do not take a guy to our bed with the intention of limiting him to ....rephrasing your 'soft swap'...foreplay. In addition,oral play can be classified as foreplay ,but if I take a mans penis in my mouth ,that is called oral intercourse.However I guess its how you interpret foreplay as against sex.

 

All I know is that if I get a guy into bed with me and my husband,he isnt there to just gaze up at the stars......at least not for a little while

[youngguy24m 15]

I wouldn't be turned off.

 

If all they wanted me for was to give her oral while she gave her man oral...that's hot to me haha

[fromdallas 15]

As a single male I have only played with 2 couples, I am55 and one couple is a bit older. I asked how they wanted me to particapate and they wanted me to watch. She wanted me to lick her nipples and rub her breasts while her husband performed oral. They told me what to do and when. I was there to help them enjoy their sex. I have been playing with them for about 2 yrs and now I am part of their sexual enjoyment. I have sex with her and he watches and rubs her body as i use to do. We are friends and we talk about everything. And, no we dont have sex all the time. The best thing to do is give them what they want be patient and enjoy it for what it is. I found lots of pleasure with my friends.

[strathmore 20]

What worked for us the first time around, is that we did everything except intercourse. It was exhibition that led into masterbation, that led into oral. We all agreed that was the way we were going to do it, and that's what we did!

 

Like everyone say's, if thats what makes everyone comfortable in the MFM, then do it! When we later talked about the encounter, and found out how we felt about it, then we decided to take the next step. We always had good communcation between us, and that is imperative in my opinion..

 

Sounds real good to me. In fact, I can recall some damned excellent MF and MFF sessions along the same lines.

 

Whatever turns the crank that day

[cumhungrycouple 15]

Surely the main reason for a "soft" MFM (MMF implies guy on guy action as well ) swing is because a couple maybe having their first swing and are nervous

 

I think most experienced guy real swingers would be cool with that. Anyway most women once they get going would prob want more but limiting expectations would sooth the womans nerves and allow her to get into it slowly. It also shows the single guy is considerate and into watching as well as doing. A swinger extra male isnt a guy just wanting to shag anothers man wife but also enjoys watching the husbands cock slide in the wifes pussy as well etc. Well not to us anyway. If desperate for a shag a single guy should go to a bar not us

 

just our 2 sens worth