Nervous. Is it hard to start?

[newbees001 15]

My husband and I have talked about it and plan on "swinging." He's the one that wanted to do this and I'm going to try it for him, but I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to do anything or I might look unapproachable because I'll be nervous. I'm nervous but also excited at the same time. My husband and I are temporarily apart because of his work, but we're planning on going to a private club to check it out as soon as he gets back. Will it be hard for us to find interested couples if all we (mostly me) want for now is just a little bit of flirting (touching and kissing)? What do I do if I get jealous? I do believe that my husband and I have a great relationship and I don't want it ruined if I get mad because I'm jealous. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[meandher2go 17]

id say dont do it "For Him" rather do it for YOURSELF. but the main thing is you are doing it as a couple. start slowly and talk about it.

 

like ya said, start with touching,kissing first and if that goes well for you two, go a little further the next time.

 

get over to SLS and get a profile there and start searching for like minded couples.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

id say dont do it "For Him" rather do it for YOURSELF. but the main thing is you are doing it as a couple. start slowly and talk about it.

 

like ya said, start with touching,kissing first and if that goes well for you two, go a little further the next time.

 

 

Dito Go as fast as you are comfortable with. Try not to do anything you will regret and most importantly, talk, talk, talk! Good luck!

[Paphian 16]

My husband and I have talked about it and plan on "swinging." He's the one that wanted to do this and I'm going to try it for him, but I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to do anything or I might look unapproachable because I'll be nervous.

 

If you've talked it through, and each understand the other's position and are willing to respect that of the "slowest" of the two of you, you should be fine. Most club members understand "newbie nerves" and will help you to feel less nervous. Remember, it's always your choice whether or not to do anything.

 

I'm nervous but also excited at the same time.

 

As is most everyone the first time.

 

My husband and I are temporarily apart because of his work, but we're planning on going to a private club to check it out as soon as he gets back. Will it be hard for us to find interested couples if all we (mostly me) want for now is just a little bit of flirting (touching and kissing)?

 

Be clear with folks up front, and there's rarely any problem. And you might make sure that you and hubby have some signals worked out for both wanting to continue (or do more) and wanting to stop. Assuming he understands your feelings, he shouldn't have an issue with either situation.

 

What do I do if I get jealous? I do believe that my husband and I have a great relationship and I don't want it ruined if I get mad because I'm jealous.

 

Signal hubby that you need to stop, take a step back from things, breathe, and talk things through once you're a little calmer. Keep in mind that the good relationship you have is what you should be able to rely on to carry you through. If you've talked together and agreed on some rules and signals, then your husband oughta be "on the same page" as you, and willing to respect your need to stop--maybe even leave the club--in order to allow you time to process what you're feeling. Sometimes "jealousy" is more "fear of the unknown" and all ya need is a little time to unwind. Other times it's more than that. Some folks just find that swinging is more than they can handle, and that's perfectly OK, too.

 

Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

Hopefully what I've written is a bit helpful. You're welcome.

[twobears 16]

Hi and so glad that you found us here, this is a valuable site to all swingers, read &talk to each other. It took me 2 years to be able to have our first full swap,even then it could have been better. It is improtant that you both tell each other your feelings and then you learn how not to do and what you are comfortable with. Women are respected in this lifestyle, NO means No and MOST improtant that if you are uncomfortable stop doing whatever you doing and tell the playmates,swingers are great people. My husband & I wished I had been in the lifestyle now years ago(female taking) I am not the person now that I was then. We started just that way meet a couple on line at one of the swinger sites, we went to their place to visit. I have never been to a house party, I have been to a club oh. It is hard for most women to seperate love from just sex. Let things happen naturally and if you want to over come whatever causes problems, if you have any then you can. Happy Swinging

[newbees001 15]

Thank you all so much for all your advice. I feel a lot better and actually cannot wait to go to a club. It's too bad my husband won't be home for a few more months. For now we just enjoy talking about what we're going to do when he gets home. He's really excited about us "swinging." I'll remember to talk to him about signals and to make our rules so we'll be ready when he gets home. I love reading all the posts and stories on this site. I've logging almost everyday and many times a day to see what's new. Again thank you all very much for taking the time to respond to my questions.

[newbees001 15]

thanks again for all you input! that is what i keep telling my girl, about doing it for me. its her that i want to see, fullfill her fantasies. i will only go as far as she wants to. I also am excited about visiting this local club. I am not really sure what to do if I do see someone I recognize though, but i cant wait to see my wife in action and see her reaction to this lifestyle. I give her credit on even checking out! I hope it will be everything that what we read in the forum will be.

[mr&mrsbees 15]

Would love to hear your first experience whether it is at a club or so

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

newbees001 said:

thanks again for all you input! that is what i keep telling my girl, about doing it for me. its her that i want to see, fulfill her fantasies. i will only go as far as she wants to. I also am excited about visiting this local club. I am not really sure what to do if I do see someone I recognize though, but i cant wait to see my wife in action and see her reaction to this lifestyle. I give her credit on even checking out! I hope it will be everything that what we read in the forum will be.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about seeing someone you recognize. The chances are rather slim. Besides, if you do see someone you recognize, you don't have to worry too much about them telling everyone. After all, they aren't at that club on a research grant, are they?

 

Out of curiosity, which club are you planning on going to? Chances are, someone on here has been there at some time and can give you a review, and give you some idea of what the atmosphere is like. Each club is a bit different. If you happen to show up at the club we frequent, we'll be more than happy to meet you there, show you around, help you relax (my sweetie could put a polar bear on amphetamines at ease) and get comfortable with the atmosphere.

 

One last piece of advice: Keep the alcohol to a minimum. A glass of wine or whatever to loosen up a bit, but no more. Makes the whole experience go much smoother!

[newbees001 15]

thanks for the reply She_n_Jaybee ! We are planning on checking out the Menages in Nashville! if you are in this area, the tour of the place would be nice, well thanks again for the advice. Happy Swinging!!

[sereneiders 263]

newbees,

 

I agree with what other people already told you.

 

I have another suggestion, something that happend to us in our first encounter, and luckily for us we were with a more experienced and caring couple who noticed it and pointed it out fast enough as to avoid messing up the night... which afterwars turn to be really great.

 

We were so much into the swapping thing and the being with others thing that we somehow felt that any interaction between us two would interfer with whatever the other one were doing, and se sarted feeling something wasn't good... and these guys called it off and told us "hey... you love each other, we know you do, so don't hesitate to express that love as many times you feel you need to do so. After all, for you we're the gests, and you have the right to get your partner attention without feeling bad because you're interrupting something."

 

They hit the nail with the advice, and we felt more confortable being more aware of each other reactions and following our feelings. That gave us confidence and reasured us along the way and that allowed us to relax and enjoy the experience.

 

And it believe this could be another advice. Don't feel pressed by other people, take your time to express your love to each other, even in the middle of the game with them. If you feel something odd that may trigger some bad feeling, go there and get your partner attention (and I mean, kiss him, hugh him) and chek your feelings again, because some times these bad feelings are just fears that can be put down just by "remembering" who your partner is, what he feels for you, and you need just a little reasure. And your hubby should do the same... take time to stop what he's doing and get your attention (or give you attention)... look at each other since you're doing this togheter as a couple.

[intuition897 2,179]

Welcome to the board newbees!

 

I just posted a response on a similar thread that might apply. Everyone here is offering great advice!

 

Good luck and let us know how things go.

[newbees001 15]

Thank you all so much for great advices and warmwelcome. To be honest, I'm really excited to go now and really bummed that we won't be going until May. I'm sure my husband will read this later and will be teasing me again. I just got the sexiest lingerie today in the mail from my husband. He didn't even tell me that he got me something and I know that I'm going to have to wear it later when we chat online. We just enjoy each other through webcams and will for a few more months. We're really absorbing all the informations that we are getting from this website and of course all the advice from all the nice and polite people here. Don't worry, we'll let you know all the details of our first time as I'm sure that we will have a great time. Happy swinging!

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

Have heard some good things about Menages in Nashville, but we've never been there. The club we frequent is Club 201 in Evansville. About 25 minutes further away from you, but a great place. Has the best atmosphere and the nicest people of any club that we've been in.

[damonarona 15]

We found using sls and similar sites to be helpful. What wife prefers is to get the potential couple to talk on one of the messenger services to see if they can be witty and intelligent without talking about sex. naturally, along the way, some g-rated cam to cam to insure it is a couple and that there is some attraction is necessary. Be patient, kind and pleasant and avoid the pushy NOW NOW NOW people!! Good luck!!

[newbees001 15]

I'm glad you like the gift i sent you. Talking about swinging got me excited and thought about what you were going to wear when we go to Nashville! I will see you soon on-line babe on your new evening wear!

[mitzi54 15]

Is it me or is it getting hot in here????