Swinging without Swapping?

[Neofree 16]

I joined just to ask a question. A long time ago (80's or 90's) I saw a TV show about swinging that I thought for sure said there was something similar to swinging but didn't involve swapping. Like a couple would meet another couple to have sex with their own partners but be able to watch the other couple and never touching each other.

 

Is there a word for this? Does anyone even do this?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This type of activity would fall under what we refer to as "soft swinging" which includes pretty much everything from this watching/being watched activity up to actually exchanging partners for everything short of sex.

[larryt9 17]

My gf and I have been going to a swingers club for the last two months, and that's all we've done so far. We have sex in the group sex rooms, but just stay to ourselves. We love it as it is, but will probably slowly expand our activities. I don't think either of us has the desire to swap partners though.

[Neofree 16]

Well maybe I remembered wrong but I almost thought they had a word for it (other then what you said). I am curious what the risks are of going to just a normal swinger party but only to be with my wife. I am worried that if we did something like that maybe something more would happen then we intended. Do people safely set these rules and keep them?

 

Thanks,

 

Neofree

[VegasLee 1,486]

You set your rules and it is up to you and only you to follow them.

 

Most "swingers" know that No means NO and they will not do anything with/to you that you do not desire. Just be sure that if you are partying with others that you let your intentions and rules be known. No one care read your mind.

 

If others make offers to you to do something you don't want to do, says no. It is as simple as that.

 

By my defenition you would not be a swinger, you would be an Exhibitionist but that is the great thing about the lifestyle, you can be what ever you want as long as you repecpt the people involved and don't force your views on or desires on anyone else.

 

Have fun!

[VanHlebar 187]

NeoFree,

 

We have only been to one club and to zero house parties, but from everything that we have read and to everyone that we have talked to so far, as long as you are upfront and honest with anyone that you deal with I don't think you will have an issues.

 

Yes, there will always be a few people that might think you two are really in the wrong place, but only you and your wife can define what swinging is for you. My suggestion... keep reading here, post questions and join in on the topics as you feel comfortable with. You and the Mrs need to set your rules and be firm about them and don't change them in the middle of anything. Any changes should occur when the two of you are calm and relaxed.

 

Enjoy what is to offer and hopefully we will see you and your wife more often! Btw.. Welcome to the board!

 

-Van

[Thrax 384]

By my defenition you would not be a swinger, you would be an Exhibitionist but that is the great thing about the lifestyle, you can be what ever you want as long as you repecpt the people involved and don't force your views on or desires on anyone else.

Wise words from VegasLee.

 

Even if you don't engage in ANY sexual contact with other people at a swing event, in most cases there would likely be no problems with you two being there and just having sex with each other. If you have not promised in advance to engage in sexual contact with anyone else, and the rules of the club and/or event you attend don't require some type of swapping, then you should be in the clear.

 

I have been to on-premise clubs, house parties, and swing camp-outs. While at all of these there has been much sexual activity between a variety of couples and singles, there have almost always been couples that only limit their sexual activities to themselves. Sometimes these couples have been asked to play with other couples and/or singles. When their responses were "No", they were respected, from what I saw.

 

In fact, besides playing with others, a LOT of swingers don't mind -- in fact, they quite enjoy -- seeing another twosome make love. (Frankly, I think a lot of people enjoy the "live porn", but they also appreciate the bond a couple has.) So, if you love doing it, even in front of other people, most swingers wouldn't mind watching it.

 

"No" does REALLY mean "No" in a true swing environment.

 

And I agree with VegasLee, have fun!

 

Thrax

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

Didn't those used to be called "cuddling parties?" You cuddled with others and returned to your spouse for the end of the evening. Kind of a gateway drug to the swing world.

 

Chip

[Neofree 16]

Thank you all for the replies. I think I will never know what that old show was talking about, and it's not really important. I talked to my wife about it and she is not interested in doing it because she is afraid that either I or her would end up doing something we regret. I am fine with this, this is not a must-do thing for me, but I am curious how to deal with the feelings about it.

[sexyshelby 19]

Bring your wife here. Spend some time browsing together. I'm not saying you can change her mind, but it may help both of you deal with your feelings.

 

~SS

[Guest Added Spice]

what you are referring to is called "voyeurism". and hubby and i have done this. it's rather enticing if the others that are having the sex are attractive. we have also been on the giving end of that and we were told we were quite enjoyable to watch.

[AlterEgos 15]

Thank you all for the replies. I think I will never know what that old show was talking about, and it's not really important. I talked to my wife about it and she is not interested in doing it because she is afraid that either I or her would end up doing something we regret. I am fine with this, this is not a must-do thing for me, but I am curious how to deal with the feelings about it.

 

She is not interested in even going to a party and not participating?

Maybe try warming her up with some porn while you guys are getting busy.

[Neofree 16]

I think she is mostly afraid of destroying our relationship. And so am I. If we did anything along these lines that destroyed our relationship that would be unbearable for both of us. I've always felt we have a stronger bond then most and can't easily be seperated like many other marriages have ended, but making a wrong move here could be just enough to do it.

 

As for the porn, we do that a lot already. I think we've done a quite a bit of different activities alone. I would be interested in role playing, but neither of us really have any idea how to do it without feeling so silly.

 

I almost wonder what is safer? A party with lots of people or a meeting of just a couple? If you agree not to touch but only to watch - and you have done this a few times - are we both going to find ourselves wanting more? And then doing it and finding us in a position we thought we wouldn't reach and break apart? Certainly many people do this sucessfully, but how many couples fail at it for every couple that doesn't?

[JaneAndJohnDoe 17]

I would be interested in role playing, but neither of us really have any idea how to do it without feeling so silly.

 

Oh, I definitely recommend role playing as a major spicer-upper! I have an idea for you, that you both may find fun...

 

John and I wanted to step back in time and re-create our initial dating feelings, so we thought of a fun way to "date all over again" without us being our actual selves.

 

What we did was agree to meet at a specific restaurant/bar. I went in first and sat at the bar. When John came in, we had already agreed that we would not know each other, as if we were complete strangers. He came in, and sat at a bar stool next to me.

 

What was amazing was that we really got into the role! Here was this man whom I knew intimately, but by stepping into the role, it was as if I was seeing him for the very first time!

 

We spent the next few hours playing the game of "first meeting", pulling out all our best subtle flirtations, knowing glances, laughing at our own nervousness, and even creating our characters, which were slightly different than ourselves.

 

Honestly, it felt like I was seducing a new man, and it was incredibly exciting for me! I mean...I logically knew it was John, but in the role, it was like he was a different person.

 

Maybe try something like this with your wife. It may be the spice you need together, and it could easily lead to her opening up in a way you've not yet seen. It is really interesting how it feels when you allow yourself to seduce a stranger, even if only while role playing.

[Neofree 16]

Well we've talked about it some more and now are *considering* swinging with no swapping. What is the best thing to do first? Is it better to go to a club first or to talk some people on personals? We created an account on SLS...

 

Thanks,

 

Neofree

[imsnowman 34]

After you both spend some time reading past threads on this board (do a search for similar topics) I'd recommend the club route to start. You're in the environment with no chance for misunderstanding what someone else is suggesting. Look at reviews of clubs in Colorado and pick one that suits you both.

 

Maybe on you first visit plan to just dance, smooch etc.

 

I think you'll find as others have said "No means No". So any problems you have will most likely be of your own making. (You'll discover that just by reading threads on this board about others' problems.) If you trust yourselves and have talked about your expectations and fears I'm sure you'll be able to go and have a good time

[Neofree 16]

I think we are going to try the webcam thing first...

 

BTW, I think I realized what the show said.. I remember both words starting with a S and they had to just be swinging and swapping. They just said that swinging could be done with or without swapping.

 

Thanks,

 

Neofree

[anotherway2liv 15]

Recently my lady and I have gone to a club to "just watch" for the first time. That is all we are comfortable with. We felt it was quite easy to just watch (or as we ended up watching and playing with only eachother). People were very respectful and nice. From what I've read and heard most people don't want to be known as "the pushy couple". So saying "NO" goes a very long way.

 

really it was just an amazing time. Was just wonderful.

[Neofree 16]

When my wife told me she is not comfortable with soft swinging, I offered her two alternatives, one was to go to a club just to watch as you suggested, the other was to try webcam. She was interested in the webcam. She is afraid that if we go to a swingers club to only watch that we will have to keep telling people no over and over, that someone would touch me or her, or that someone would give us an uncomfortable look. Keep in mind we don't do very well in normal social situations as we are kind of shy. When we are in small groups then we become very open and talkative.

[MicheleS1982 1]

Hello me and husband are Interested but Don't want to swop just want fun

[njbm 2,901]

2 hours ago, MicheleS1982 said:

Hello me and husband are Interested but Don't want to swop just want fun

So just watch and be watched?

[robaval 220]

We will go to clubs occasionally when one is available, but if it's a couples only venue..........  The places that let lots or really any single men in are not of interest t o us..   Jule and Robb

[adamgunn 1,461]

41 minutes ago, robaval said:

We will go to clubs occasionally when one is available, but if it's a couples only venue..........  The places that let lots or really any single men in are not of interest t o us..   Jule and Robb

Pretty much agree with you, Rovaval. At our favorite club, they let a very few verified single men in every night, just one for every ten couples. The singles need to be controlled.

 

Once in awhile, Mary will still be in the mood as the party's winding down - - that's when we find a courteous single man is of great value.