Recovering alcoholics and swinging

[reed&diana 17]

It seems that alcohol is such part of this lifestyle. How do you deal with the clubs and parties. Any problems?

[VegasLee 1,486]

I quit drinking in Feb. 1980.

 

The day I quit drinking I went to the same bar that I had gone to for years to party with my friends. I drank 7-up. Twenty Six years later I still do the same thing. Party with 100's of people that drink but now I drink Diet Coke.

 

At the Lifestyles Convention I even tend bar for four nights, Naked! Drinking Diet Coke the whole time.

 

As the commercial says. "Just do it!"

[sexyshelby 19]

Most in the lifestyle are pretty respectful. There is an underlying rule for most people that NO means NO. I would assume (and hope) that this would apply to your choice of beverage as well as sex.

 

If, however, you are uncomfortable in a bar environment, you may have more of a problem. But like Lee said, "Just do it" You can overcome whatever obstacles may arise if you put your mind to it.

 

~SS

[Happypair 15]

Lee nailed it, as he usually does. Lifestyle world... vanilla world... it really doesn't make any difference, the temptations will be there, and it's up to us to deal with them. The lifestyle world can be a bit drama-filled, but so is life in general. Try to separate the two -- your recovery from the lifestyle -- as they really have nothing to do with one another. And if you do find stresses "piling up" and have to put one or the other on hold, then please, please, remember which has to come first. Swinging is life enhancement, your recovery is your life! And yes, I'm a friend (1978) of Bill W's too.

[vanelane 15]

Hi, I'm Diana, and I'm an alcoholic. Hubby and I are just now exploring beginning to swing, but I'll handle it the same way I handle regular social situations. No, thank you. I have a friend who always says, "No thanks, I've had enough," which is really funny to me and so true!

[fun_pairTX 26]

Hi, this is Mr Fun. I have been sober for 18 years. Lee has it nailed, I am a musician and am in a party atmosphere constantly. I just drink my ginger ale and do my thing. People in the lifestyle readily accept others that "differ" from the norm. After all we ALL differ from the norm just by being in the lifestyle. It is just one more kink.

[FlaPlaya561 48]

I dont drink at all anymore ..i like to experience this lifestyle in the straight eye, since it times to remember

[reed&diana 17]

Thanks for the replies. My wife is in rehab right now (her choice) and she is worried about the clubs and parties. I'm sure that it is a case of not knowing what is in the future. She is worried about how she is going to handle things but I'm sure that they will teach her what to do.

[cowboynlady 15]

Hi, Lady here. My husband is an alcoholic and has been sober for 13 years, so I know some about this. (Not anything like if I were in his shoes.) The "Swingers Clubs" are no different then any club that has alcohol. If she has fears of being able to handle it, maybe wait until she feels strong. We go to clubs and stay totally sober. We find that we are ready to get things going early on, and others that are drinking have to wait until they get a buzz on to move things along. It sometimes makes us wonder if the alcohol gives helps them do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that is the case for everyone. I drink on rare occasions and like the different feeling I get and have to admit sometimes it makes me wilder. But you could probably find swingers to hook up with that don't drink around her so she feels more comfortable.

[vanelane 15]

Thanks for the replies. My wife is in rehab right now (her choice) and she is worried about the clubs and parties. I'm sure that it is a case of not knowing what is in the future. She is worried about how she is going to handle things but I'm sure that they will teach her what to do.

 

I've been to rehab; believe me, she's worrying about all kinds of things right now which will fall into place as her recovery progresses. That is a very scary time, but so worth it. I actually go back and visit my rehab once or twice a year for a recharge.

[ItTakes3 19]

I quit drinking in 1976 and never had a problem turning down booze, nor did I have a problem with people trying to get me off the wagon.

 

I did discover that some of my friends were nothing more than drinking buddies, so I just found some new friends whose lives did not revolve around alcohol.

[reed&diana 17]

Thanks for the replies. I showed them to her and it made her feel better. She has been in a week and she is feeling real positive. It is a scary time, We are very optimistic.

[in4alook 15]

Just be careful you aren't just switching addictions.

[reed&diana 17]

Switching addictions????

[in4alook 15]

Switching addictions????

 

People that have addictions sometimes switch to another addiction when quitting the first one. If you start becoming sexually addicted you really aren't sober technically speaking, according to an addiction specialist I listen to on the radio. You have just switched from booze to sex. Heck of a lot better for you unless you start going bonkers with it. If you are new to this I would suggest putting some time between your wife's rehab and starting up with the lifestyle. If you have been in the lifestyle for awhile just be careful not to go overboard with it.

[Happypair 15]

Reed&diana, since your thread is back in the "current" list, we would welcome an update. We're on your side, guys, and we'll stay on your side even if things aren't going as smoothly as planned. Where else can you find people who can discuss - from the vantagepoint of experience - both lifestyle and addiction issues? If you don't want to make your struggle too public, I am sure any one of us would welcome an I.M. from you. Oh and the double-addiction thing... there's probably some truth to that, but it wouldn't be my biggest concern. Sex addiction is a helluva lot more fun, and there's no breathalyzer to worry about. Best wishes.

[JnCC 24]

My ex- took me to lunch last week, ostensibly to catch up on "family matters," but in reality to inform me that she'd been 3 months without a drink. At first, all I could think of was, "Well, dammit, you're about 3 years too late with that to make any difference to me" But in my heart, I gave thanks to whatever powers-that-be that finally led her to give up the sauce.

 

I worry that because she's not in a formal program, she may slip back into her old habits. But I call her at least once a week just before "Happy Hour" (her most vulnerable time) and let her know that if she's "out and about," and needs some company for a diet coke, I'm available. And I always keep some sparkling grape juice in the wine rack in case she, or anybody else who's "shakin' off the demons," stops by.

 

I've been priviliged to know some pretty accomplished people in my life. But few impress me more than someone who's overcome a full-fledged addiction, whether it be to food, cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol.

 

Hang in there...

[reed&diana 17]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. The rehab program that she went into didn't work. This has not been a years long problem. She started drinking only about 3 years ago. In 2005 she had a breast cancer scare (no cancer), two serious auto accidents, the second broke a vertebra in her neck. Then two weeks after the second accident, I was sent to New Orleans for 6 weeks for Katrina recovery. Things really went downhill at that time.

 

She had a very abusive childhood and for some reason. after 45 years, it is all coming out. The program she was in didn't have any psych support. One of the assignments that she had was to reach back into her childhood and she crashed and burned. She has been diagnosed with PTSD. She needs to be treated for that and alcohol problem together. We had a very bad couple days after she came home from the rehab program. After a lot of work, we were able to get her into into a program that will treat both. Right now, we have a lot of hope at this point.

 

Boy, I'll tell you, I wish I could get a few insurance guys by the balls right now. They would talk like a 10 year old when i got through with them. We have been trying to get help for 6 months now. She has been in some kind of a facility 4 times only to have the insurance company say "thats long enought, send her home". The place she is now we have tried to get her into 4 - 5 months ago but they wouldn't pay. Well, now they will, for a week or two anyway.

 

Hope this makes sense, It's late. Again, thanks for the support. We are hopping and praying that she has finally gotten where she needs to be.

 

Reed

[reed&diana 17]

Oh yea. What, you're saying that her having a sex addiction is a bad thing?????? Damn, I guess I'll have to re-think my priorities.

 

Reed

[thomas lyons 15]

my problem is I quit drinking 4 years ago and can not find the nerve to approach my need for sex without the booze

[VegasLee 1,486]

my problem is I quit drinking 4 years ago and can not find the nerve to approach my need for sex without the booze

 

If that is really the case then you need to seek some help out side of swinging. If you can not have sex without a drink then you need to rethink your life and what you want to do with it.

 

Swinging does not work for people that have other problems to cure first. All swinging can do is wreck your life and relationship with your spouse.

 

I hope you seek the help that you have expresed in most of your posts so far that you really need. Please do not use this lifestyle to try to fix problems. That WILL NOT work.

 

Good luck to you.

[Happypair 15]

Reed & Diana, you have tried the "professional" approach without good results. Now, please consider the "amateur" method, the one that has rescued millions of lives from the grips of alcoholism over the past 70 years. I am speaking of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is the granddaddy of all 12-step programs. I say "amateur" because there are no psychologists fucking with your brain, just fellow sufferers from all walks of life supporting one another, enlightening one another... sharing the gift of sobriety with one another.

 

It's kinda like this board, in a way... if you want to know about swinging, you could read some academic's research project, or you can come here and get the story first hand from people who know and love the lifestyle. AA is like that. The members have walked the walk (well, staggered, most of us), so they are truly qualified to talk the talk.

 

Wherever you are, there is an AA group nearby. There should be a contact number in your phone book; failing that ask your health professional or emergency hotline. Again, best wishes in your struggle.

[reed&diana 17]

Happypair, we have tried AA. The demons in her head just wouldn't let her alone. For the last 6 weeks or so, she has been going to AA meetings every day, some days more than one meeting. She would go to the meetings and sometimes she wouldn't get home before the demons appeared and she had to buy a bottle. This is more than just a booze problem. The problem is 75% in her head, the other 25% in the alcohol. The place she is now will work on both. This is a real case how an abusive childhood can fuck someone up many years later. She worked as a nurse for 30 years, always putting others before her. Now she has to learn to put herself first. She has saves countless patients over the years but she has b=never learned how to save herself. Now, she has to.

[Happypair 15]

One thing that will weigh very strongly in Diana's favour throughout this battle is the degree of support she is receiving from you. Reed, your love, concern and support are evident in each post; she is not fighting alone. Again, our sincere best wishes to you both,

[IFEELFINE69 15]

I haven't had a drink for 17years and the wife may have one or two. Most meet n greets at the bars turn into swinging couples wanting to close the bar before going to the rooms to play. We usually get bored with the drunks by 10:30, and go for a late dessert and them home. We have more fun meeting couple to couple for dinner and then back to our place or their place or to 'the Room' for Playtime.

[Guest ernglo]

I am also a recovering addict in my 16th year of sobriety. The fact of the matter is it is extremely dangerous for an addict to be around alcohol. You have got to have a very strong recovery foundation and hopefully a mate that does not drink. The excitment of the fucking music smoke etc. can make you forget who you really are and BAM you're having a drink.

 

Be carefull and go with someone who is not going to drink and watch out for you as well. I can tell you that JUST FUCKING and being in a sex atmosphere is a BETTER HIGH than any man made substance.

[reed&diana 17]

Happypair, thanks for the kind words. She is a wonderful lady and I am in full support of her. I want her back. She is now in a place that we think can really give her the help that she needs.

 

ernglo, when we go to a club, I will be with her and keep an eye on her. I plan on keeping her fucking so much that that she will not have time for a drink.

 

She is a strong woman and she will be OK.

 

Reed

[reed&diana 17]

An Update - She is coming home tomorrow. We are both hoping that she has learned the tools to help her. I am ready for her to be home, the house has been very empty. We'll spend some time together and ease back into the swing of things. I shoould be hot for the ladies, I've been on a weight loss program for last few weeks. It is the "Eating My Own Cooking" diet. It does wonders.

 

Thanks for all of your support. I'm sure things will be better now and we'll be ready for some fun.

 

Reed

[WesternSwing 504]

Good luck, Reed. Let us know how it all goes.

 

Mr. WS

[grz570 0]

Hi all. I have been sober 20yrs and in the lifestyle just as long. I would love to find a sponsor that is in the lifestyle.  Any advice?

[grz570 0]

I have been sober 20yrs, and in the lifestyle about as long. I would love to find a sponsor in the lifestyle.  Any advice?