Should we tell our doctor we are swingers?

[NandTfromCA 84]

N and I need to schedule a time to get the Hep A/B vaccine and were just thinking about being upfront with our doctor. The less we can lie or mislead someone, the better...specially someone in charge of our health.

 

Any thoughts on why we should/shouldn't out ourselves to her?

 

Also, I have thought about getting her to prescribe some Viagra to use for house parties or any other high-anticipation encounters. If we’re up front about why we want the vaccine, we’re concerned it could get in the way of getting a Viagra prescription (I’m 32 by the way).

 

What are your thoughts? Thanks for any input!

[VegasLee 1,486]

I don't know if you go to any of the clubs there in Ca. but here in Vegas we have some doctors that are in the Lifestyle that come to the club all the time.

 

You might want to check at your local club and see if any doctors are in the Lifestyle there. Makes it a lot easier to talk to them if they are.

[meandher2go 17]

I would NEVER lie to my doctor. It is MY body and health and I'm not gonna risk anything about ME.

[Chicup 41]

I am a doctor myself.

 

I have no problem lying to my doctor and I have told my wife to do the same. This has come up before but your medical records are NOT private, do not kid yourself into thinking they are. There is nothing different your doctor should do for you as a swinger than a non-swinger.

 

As for Viagra for house parties I don't recommend it, if you happen to experience the side effects, it is not worth it just so you can get Mr. Willy up an extra time.

[WesternSwing 504]

Mrs. WS and I have talked about this and we've decided that our doctor doesn't need to know. I wouldn't want to strain the doctor/patient confidentiality.

[intuition897 2,179]

Not sure what the laws are where Chicup is, or even what they are specifically here in Canada. I'm completely up-front with my doctor, and while she's a bit tight-lipped about it, I don't care. Her job is to look out for my physical health and advise me. Period. She may personally disagree, but that's her problem. If she ever made it my problem, she'd only find herself in a heap of trouble for it.

 

I have to say, also, that while we are very discrete, we are not ashamed of our lifestyle choice. We're just discrete because we know most other people don't understand it and the very idea makes them extremely uncomfortable. So we spare them the discomfort. My workplace is very sensitive to GLBT and human rights issues, so I don't worry too much about our lifestyle affecting my job there. Mr., unfortunately, is in a "family-oriented" business and is in a more prominent position of authority. So indiscretion there is NOT an option. I guess it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with.

[Chicup 41]

Not sure what the laws are where Chicup is, or even what they are specifically here in Canada. I'm completely up-front with my doctor, and while she's a bit tight-lipped about it, I don't care. Her job is to look out for my physical health and advise me. Period. She may personally disagree, but that's her problem. If she ever made it my problem, she'd only find herself in a heap of trouble for it.

 

I have to say, also, that while we are very discrete, we are not ashamed of our lifestyle choice. We're just discrete because we know most other people don't understand it and the very idea makes them extremely uncomfortable. So we spare them the discomfort. My workplace is very sensitive to GLBT and human rights issues, so I don't worry too much about our lifestyle affecting my job there. Mr., unfortunately, is in a "family-oriented" business and is in a more prominent position of authority. So indiscretion there is NOT an option. I guess it's just a matter of what you're comfortable with.

 

Well being Canada is national health care I can guarantee your records are not private from the government, and most likely not private from research provided the 'mask' the name. I don't know about Canada for sure but that is the policy for every socialized program I do know of.

 

That is not the real problem though. Its the fact that your doctor, staff, etc are people and have loose lips at times. Lots of people can see your records, and there is really no reason for your doctor knowing. Your doctor should screen you for STD's etc as if you were a single because while you might be married and you might think you are monogamous there is no proof your spouse is not cheating so your doctor should still keep an eye out.

 

If someone can tell me a reason why telling your doctor would be better, let me know, cause I can't think of any.

[NandTfromCA 84]

Thanks all.

 

It sounds like the biggest consideration for most is privacy and discretion. As Intuition said- "She may personally disagree, but that's her problem. If she ever made it my problem, she'd only find herself in a heap of trouble for it."

 

We’re less concerned about privacy than any other issues that would get in the way of receiving the care that we need (ie. Since we know you participate in a risky lifestyle, you are ineligible for _____ )

 

We’re in a large enough town that our Dr. is less likely to out us to someone we know than we are to out ourselves on SLS or any of the other sites. Heck, I should be more afraid of her telling anyone that I used to be a woman…OOPS SLIPPED (totally kidding).

 

Thanks again for your points of view!!!

[davidnjoy 15]

No!!! They do not need to know and it will not affect how they treat you in the end. The only difference is that you will become, at the very least, a source of gossip amongst your doctors staff. Joy and I both are health care professionals and are both careful what we tell our doctors. Granted we can better evaluate what the doctor needs and doesn't need to know than the average lay person. My only point is that wether your aware of it or not when you tell your doctor something and he writes it down you have lost at least some privacy on that issue.

[fun_pairTX 26]

If you have health insurance your medical record is open to your carrier. If you have life insurance your medical record is also available to them as your carrier. It is also well within the realm of possibility that portions of your medical record are open to the Human Resources Department of your employer if they pay a portion of your premium. Our recommendation is don't tell anyone squat.

[intuition897 2,179]

I guess I'm just secretly hoping that we'll be outed sooner or later. I really hate living "in the closet". "Yeah, we're responsibly non-monogamous...and your point is?" My attitude is that I stand behind what Mr. intuition and I do, and I'm ready to defend it to anyone who wants to start an argument over it. This is probably the stance that lands many unfortunates on the front page of Yahoo! News, the way the supreme court of Canada's swinger's club decision was. But I just don't care. What's right is right, and I hate bullies. It isn't right that I or Mr. would lose our jobs because of a personal lifestyle choice...because it just doesn't affect our job! I'll raise a stink about it if I'm forced to.

 

So...unless you're as convicted as this, I'd have to say remain as discrete as you feel safe doing.

[fun_pairTX 26]

I It isn't right that I or Mr. would lose our jobs because of a personal lifestyle choice...because it just doesn't affect our job! I'll raise a stink about it if I'm forced to.

 

You could raise a stink all you wanted to but it would likely to be of no avail, especially here in the States. Smokers are required to pay higher life and health insurance premiums as they are viewed as being in a higher risk pool due to their habit. It isn't any reach at all to see the premiums being raised by the vanilla world as they view our lifestyle as a higher risk for STD's.

[fun_pairTX 26]

Just a quick addendum to my post above. If you are any kind of a contracted professional here in the USA, chances are 99% that your employment contract contains a broadly worded clause entitled "moral turpitude". Usually the courts rule in favor of how the employer defines morality.

 

My single largest concern is medical records databases, there are too many holes in the dike and there are too few fingers to plug them.

[intuition897 2,179]

I It isn't right that I or Mr. would lose our jobs because of a personal lifestyle choice...because it just doesn't affect our job! I'll raise a stink about it if I'm forced to.

 

You could raise a stink all you wanted to but it would likely to be of no avail, especially here in the States. Smokers are required to pay higher life and health insurance premiums as they are viewed as being in a higher risk pool due to their habit. It isn't any reach at all to see the premiums being raised by the vanilla world as they view our lifestyle as a higher risk for STD's.

 

Know what this tells me? That there's a distinct lack of solid fact where swinging is involved. The studies that have touched on the subject have given it only a cursory glance, and there have been no studies that I know of that compare the risk of contracting a disease while swinging to the risks of any other kind of higher-risk activity. Nor have I heard of any serious studies on the psychology of swinging/responsible non-monogamy. There is, without a doubt, a need for such studies.

 

We all grind our teeth and seethe at the crap that the general public believes about us, because due to the nature of the beast, proving them wrong is difficult to say the least. There's just nothing there to back us up...unless you count personal experience and knowledge...which we do. But as far as the nay-sayers are concerned, our opinions are biased. So...the people who really do know what they're talking about, the ones who KNOW that swinging can be healthily incorporated into a marriage, and that it has no adverse affects on any aspect of one's health, their opinions are considered unreliable. Why? Well, I suppose to those who do not understand what the whole thing is about, it's a bit like hearing the virtues of drinking from an alcoholic. Consider the source, right? :rollseyes lol

 

I don't know why this unfairness gets my panties into such a knot. Just something about the truth being buried under a pile of bullshit, and having one's hands tied when all you want is to uncover it. It doesn't seem to bother others. I don't know why it bothers me so much.

[WesternSwing 504]

Know what this tells me? That there's a distinct lack of solid fact where swinging is involved. The studies that have touched on the subject have given it only a cursory glance, and there have been no studies that I know of that compare the risk of contracting a disease while swinging to the risks of any other kind of higher-risk activity. Nor have I heard of any serious studies on the psychology of swinging/responsible non-monogamy. There is, without a doubt, a need for such studies.

There is need for such a study. From our experience in the Lifestyle I'd have to imagine that the instances of STD's is much less then in the vanilla world. Swingers seem to be much more conscious of safe sex, whereas it seems in the vanilla dating world safe sex goes right out the window proportionately to the amount of alcohol consumed. Mrs. WS and I know two single vanilla friends of hers that have in the past year had kids from what started as a one night stand.

 

We all grind our teeth and seethe at the crap that the general public believes about us, because due to the nature of the beast, proving them wrong is difficult to say the least. There's just nothing there to back us up...unless you count personal experience and knowledge...which we do. But as far as the nay-sayers are concerned, our opinions are biased. So...the people who really do know what they're talking about, the ones who KNOW that swinging can be healthily incorporated into a marriage, and that it has no adverse affects on any aspect of one's health, their opinions are considered unreliable. Why? Well, I suppose to those who do not understand what the whole thing is about, it's a bit like hearing the virtues of drinking from an alcoholic. Consider the source, right? :rollseyes lol

 

I don't know why this unfairness gets my panties into such a knot. Just something about the truth being buried under a pile of bullshit, and having one's hands tied when all you want is to uncover it. It doesn't seem to bother others. I don't know why it bothers me so much.

I understand completely. Sometimes it bothers me too, but a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. People tend to stand in judgement of everyone around them; it makes them feel better about themself when they place themself on a pedestal above everyone in the neighborhood, office, etc. They know better then you and goddamnit they are going to let you know it, too! Just look how quick people are to lay on the horn when someone does something they feel was stupid. Then imagine the moral trumpet they'll blow regarding your lifestyle.

 

Like I said, I hate it to, but it's a fact of life in the U.S. Marlene Deitrich once said "In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact." Our society is more concerned about what others are doing then what we ourselves are doing. Like I said, it makes us feel superior.

[DBL D 120]

I work for a hospital: your records aren't as private as you might like.

 

I'd either take the doc into your confidence and let him know what is going on...off the record,...or...I'd keep my mouth shut as much as possible...or find another doc.

[WesternSwing 504]

Mrs. WS and I discussed this while driving the other night and decided that unless there was a medical condition that came about because of swinging, it's none of our doctor's business. Even if the records would be 100% confidential, the risk of losing face in the office is too great. Nobody wants to feel like they are being observed like and animal in the zoo by the staff while waiting to seen because the whole office know you are a swinger.

[TNT 1,155]

I work for a hospital: your records aren't as private as you might like.

 

 

I've worked in medical records for 12 years...trust me, they are not private. You would be amazed at the number of eyes that see your records before they are ever filed and the number of people who have access to them.

[DBL D 120]

Thanks Teresa!

 

I would go on to say that we are all bound to privacy and any breach will be met with serious repercusions...but that doesn't stop everybody from talking privately with their "friends".

[flkeyscouple 21]

In my area the doctors are very used to dealing with the gay population, so telling my doctor (who happens to be gay) would not be a big deal. But the thought of all the office staff knowing hadn't crossed my mind. I HAD thought of insurance and wondered about that.

 

One of the respondents said 'tell your doctor off the record' - is that a good idea? Those of you that are in the medical profession - is there such a thing as 'off the record'?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

One of the respondents said 'tell your doctor off the record' - is that a good idea? Those of you that are in the medical profession - is there such a thing as 'off the record'?

 

I have told my primary care physician (implication in this title, he is a member of a health-case organization whose name would easily be recognized). The ten years I have spent building a trust and the fact that he did not go running with pen in-hand to grab my "chart" tells me he made no note of it. Now, if I ever received a treatment for an STD, that would certainly go into the record. There are some drugs that have very few other uses than to treat an STD. But I guess I am not worried. I'm not a politican, a television preacher or the head of a large corporation who could be blackmailed.

 

When I ask about Viagara, by the way, The Doc simply hands samples over to me.

[havefuninsun 122]

I have no desire to tell anyone.

 

When I was a teenager, I had an abortion and didn't tell anyone (except the boyfriend at the time). Years later, my mother went to nursing school and went to work for my ob/gyn doctor. I had to call the Dr. and ask them to take any reference to that out of my chart because I *knew* my mother would read my chart. Hell, she'd talk to a doctor today about my medical needs and not think twice about it.

 

Also, I grew up in a fairly small town, and two other girls who work in that office I went to high school with.

 

Too much close proximity for me. And because I'm not married, it's not odd for me to ask for a battery of tests during annual exam time.

[funtoplay 15]

Hi every1...it's been a while since I've visited the board. This topic caught my eye because of a situation that occurred with my husband.

 

There was a time a couple of years ago where he was having a problem with the "soldier standing at attention" at the appropriate times. He had slipped into a depression which was affecting his libido..not just with our "play" partners...but between ourselves as well. He had made an appointment with our family doc to get things checked out, and we were discussing whether or not to inform him of our "lifestyle" choice. I looked at him and said the doctor cannot properly diagnose what is wrong with you without knowing everything.

 

To make a long story short, he told our doc everything. It was no big deal...other than a raised brow...and questions concerning the strength and health of our relationship. I do have to mention though, we felt extremely comfortable with our doctor. As a side benefit, whenever it is time for my "yearly" exam, I no longer have to ask for any of the other tests they can do, say for HPV and other issues

[daisy girl 34]

This is such an appropriate topic for me. I am about to have my "annual exam" and have been discussing how or if I should disclose to my Dr. I wrote about this in my blog...click below to read it. So far, my answer is to be honest...but, that is my answer today. Tomorrow may be a different thing!!

[bill&sabrina 22]

This is such an appropriate topic for me. I am about to have my "annual exam" and have been discussing how or if I should disclose to my Dr. I wrote about this in my blog...click below to read it. So far, my answer is to be honest...but, that is my answer today. Tomorrow may be a different thing!!

 

NO NO NO!!! Noone has given a good reason to be honest about swinging with our doctors. Dr. Chicup said not to tell your doctor. What better reason not to tell? Hopefully you don't learn the hard way, why you shouldn't tell your doctor about swinging.

[eyesonus 18]

Oh, I wouldn't tell. There are so many ways your records could be revealed to those who you would not want to see them.

 

Apply for life insurance (and sign waivers so they can get all medical records), sign up to receive payments under Social Security Disability or any private insurance long or short term disability program, (and sign waivers so they can get all medical records), get hurt on the job and make a claim for workers compensation, (and sign waivers so they can get all medical records), be the victim in an auto accident or receive some other personal injury and file a lawsuit to recover damages (and sign waivers so they can get all medical records), file for divorce and wait for your spouses attorney to subpoena medical records to prove unfitness as a parent (Oh boy!), maybe go to a doctor with a less than professional staff (a big juicy Oh boy! b/c some nurses & Docs & staff do gossip), enlist in the armed services (and sign waivers so they can get all medical records), apply for a position in a government department where you would have access to sensitive information (and sign waivers so they can get all medical records), all the other situations listed above in the responses, and more! And this is just authorized releases! (except for gossiping nurses.)

 

What about hacking? How secure are your Doctors' computer systems? There are so many ways your medical records could be obtained it makes one question whether you really have any privacy in this world. Only discretion will protect you.....otherwise, if you leave a paper trail it may get discovered.

 

Of course, this only applies to those of us who desire privacy & discretion, which is probably about, well, maybe, I'm not for sure, but I think it is about ALMOST ALL OF US. I humbly suggest that no mention ever be made to a doctor unless absolutely necessary, and when that would be I can't imagine. There are ways of implying things, or changing the facts a little, that still gives Doc the information he/she needs but without giving them the "Big Picture."

 

We plan to keep our mouths shut about our lifestyle to all but trusted lifestylers. Now, like was said above, if Doc was a lifestyler, well, that's a horse of a different color! How cool would that be? Eyesonus

[DBL D 120]

We know a couple where the lady just had her full-on exam and tests. She decided to tell her Gyno that they are in the lifestyle. She said at first the Doc was a bit shocked...but quickly got over it.

[WesternSwing 504]

I wouldn't tell him unless there was a real reason to. Medical records are shared, and you don't know with whom.

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

Let me propose a hypothetical question. Would it be more acceptable to ask your doctor for a battery of tests and vaccinations by telling him A: I am in the lifestyle and have sex with different people, or B: I suspect my partner MAY have been unfaithful and I want these tests to be sure? Given societies' attitudes, B may be the more acceptable answer.

[bill&sabrina 22]

Let me propose a hypothetical question. Would it be more acceptable to ask your doctor for a battery of tests and vaccinations by telling him A: I am in the lifestyle and have sex with different people, or B: I suspect my partner MAY have been unfaithful and I want these tests to be sure? Given societies' attitudes, B may be the more acceptable answer.

 

You just tell your doctor you don't want to take chances with your health. If asked why, say I don't want to take a chance with my health if my partner is breaking my trust. Go on to say something like, don't you watch Dr. Phil? People cheat sometimes for years before being found out. Repeat that you don't suspect a thing, but that you think it would be foolish to take that chance with your health.

[flirty 15]

You just tell your doctor you don't want to take chances with your health. If asked why, say I don't want to take a chance with my health if my partner is breaking my trust. Go on to say something like, don't you watch Dr. Phil? People cheat sometimes for years before being found out. Repeat that you don't suspect a thing, but that you think it would be foolish to take that chance with your health.

 

Bravo...this is the best way of handling it in my mind. You get the tests you want without sharing things that are really no one's business but your own.

[catslaughing 45]

I always think it is funny when people treat Doctors as if they are a special class of people, rather than flawed like everyone else. The difference between your Doctor and your Mechanic is field of study. An MD or a DO does not grant godlike powers, so if you cannot feel comfortable being honest with your physician you should find a new one.

 

Medical records are not safe, and the US has a set of HIPAA laws that basically cost a lot of money to accomplish nothing. But all that set aside along with the paranoia means you should STILL be able to talk with your doc in confidence and without everything being written down. If you do not feel that way, I am quite serious, go get your records and then shop around. Doctors reported in a recent survey that they expected their patients to lie to them and they had to adjust their care plans to allow for it. Wouldn't you rather have your Doctor working from facts, instead of some truth and their ASSUMPTIONS?