Couple meeting a single, who pays?

[VanHlebar 187]

Ok,

 

So, we are meeting up with a single this evening for dinner and drinks and MrsVan and I have a quick question. When we have met other couples it was pretty simple, everyone went dutch. However, when meeting a single (guy or lady) I feel that as the couple we should pick up the bill, but I am not sure if that really is the case.

 

I don't want to offend anyone, but part of me says we should pick up the bill. So what are the thoughts and what to others do?

 

Thanks,

-Van

[MarriedNY'ers69 19]

Hmmmmmm I have no advice. I am wondering too good luck guys

[ItTakes3 19]

It depends on who did the contacting and who suggested the place to meet. We've paid sometimes and the single has paid other times. Sometimes we go Dutch. Usually, one will take the bill and the other do the tipping.

[TNT 1,155]

Go dutch.

 

We always go dutch when we are getting to know people...especially the first meet. There are a few people, single and married, that we have gotten to be good enough friends with that we will pick up the tab one night and they will pick up the tab the next time we go out....these are people that we have known for years and see on a fairly regular basis.

 

 

Teresa

[sexyshelby 19]

I agree, go Dutch. I think it will be more comfortable for everyone.

I always prefer to go dutch, no matter how well I know the person. I just think it's easier and no one gets stuck paying more than others.

 

Good luck, hope it goes well!!!

 

~SS

[Thrax 384]

In my experience it's most common to go dutch. However, one couple that contacted and invited me, and picked the restaurant for lunch, picked up the lunch tab and I paid the tip.

 

Hope you have a great time!

 

Thrax

[VanHlebar 187]

Thanks folks for the responses! We did contact her and then we all agreed on the place for dinner, but it looks like majority says go dutch. So that is what we will plan on unless something changes during dinner.

 

Now the next step and hopefully all goes well... if not, well we still get dinner

 

Thanks again!

-Van

[Guest Pinmonkey]

If you feel like you want to pick up the tab, you could always ask. Something like "Would you mind if we paid for your dinner?"

[looking4ward 15]

Now the next question might be: If we decide to get a motel room to continue the acquaintance, would we split that bill 1/2 and 1/2 or 1/3 and 2/3? Not to be picky but what would be acceptable?

[VanHlebar 187]

In that case I would get the room myself If it got to that point then I would say that as the couple that asked the single out, we would pay for the room.

 

-Van

[NakedInSeattle 159]

Everything should be split 50/50 between the guys. He should be more than willing to pay 50% of the bill for the lady he's gonna have sex with, for shit sakes. I know that I would if the situation were reversed. Another way if this is awkward is for one guy to pay for dinner and the other guy pay for the room.

[VanHlebar 187]

Well dinner went just fine, but I will admit, I picked up the tab. The waiter asked if it should be on one or two checks and I just couldn't bring myself to say two checks. She was fine and said thanks so I guess all was fine.

 

Thanks again folks for the help!

 

-Van

[lovedoctor 15]

So...what's the plan from here on out? Is there an interest there? You will have to let us know how it goes...

[VanHlebar 187]

So...what's the plan from here on out? Is there an interest there? You will have to let us know how it goes...

 

Is there any interest....um yup. MrsVan actually sent out a message to her this morning, but we knew she would be working all day so there won't be a response until later this evening or even tomorrow.

 

The biggest obstacle at this point with the three of us is that our schedules are very difficult to get them to match. It took us about three weeks or so just to get the dinner date done.

 

We will see what happens from here and keep everyone posted.

 

-Van

[WesternSwing 504]

It may seem discriminatory, but we've usually gone dutch with single guys and paid for single women, or at least offered. We had a single girl recently offer to pay for us. It just seems we want to really take care of them since they are so rare.

 

Mr. WS

[vacplis4lovers 15]

In my opinion, if you are so anguished and troubled about making these little decisions, I can only pity you for your indecisiveness and lack of backbone. If you always agonize like this when paying for food or a room, how did you ever find the guts to finally go swinging? Have some spirit. Establish the rules ahead of time and tell him what you both expect, what he should expect and concede nothing.

 

Suppose he preempted you by making the decision for you and he paid for it. I can only surmise that when time comes to sex, if you and your wife believe you don't like to go ahead, or that the chemistry between the parties is not right you are likely to let him do things to you that you don't feel comfortable. Worse, you are likely to loose the respect of your wife if you wilt to tell him that she does not want to do it or what she does not feel comfortable doing what he wants her to do. Would you be so weak as to debase her and you because you can't have the assertiveness to say what is proper? I can only shudder at the thought of you making bigger decisions...

[Thrax 384]

Yeah VanHlebar! What's wrong with you, trying to be tactful and prepared and all that stuff?

[WesternSwing 504]

Wow vacplis4lovers, that came out of left field and hit them square in the head...

 

Mr. WS

[whitesnake69 15]

Ok,

 

So, we are meeting up with a single this evening for dinner and drinks and MrsVan and I have a quick question. When we have met other couples it was pretty simple, everyone went dutch. However, when meeting a single (guy or lady) I feel that as the couple we should pick up the bill, but I am not sure if that really is the case.

 

I don't want to offend anyone, but part of me says we should pick up the bill. So what are the thoughts and what to others do?

 

Thanks,

-Van

Well it wouldn't bother me to take on the bill, just invite me and we can talk and get to know each other. It would be such a low investment for such a big dividend. As a matter of fact I am really hungry right now, are you all?

[whitesnake69 15]

Are there anyone out there interested in dinner and drinks also? I prefer couples or ladies.

[VanHlebar 187]

In my opinion, if you are so anguished and troubled about making these little decisions, I can only pity you for your indecisiveness and lack of backbone. If you always agonize like this when paying for food or a room, how did you ever find the guts to finally go swinging? Have some spirit. Establish the rules ahead of time and tell him what you both expect, what he should expect and concede nothing.

 

Suppose he preempted you by making the decision for you and he paid for it. I can only surmise that when time comes to sex, if you and your wife believe you don't like to go ahead, or that the chemistry between the parties is not right you are likely to let him do things to you that you don't feel comfortable. Worse, you are likely to loose the respect of your wife if you wilt to tell him that she does not want to do it or what she does not feel comfortable doing what he wants her to do. Would you be so weak as to debase her and you because you can't have the assertiveness to say what is proper? I can only shudder at the thought of you making bigger decisions.....

 

Wow, man I probably shouldn't even respond in my current state, but I will.

 

Backbone, yeah I have one... ask my ex-wife since we couldn't get along. I am not really even sure where this came from, but with the way I was raised, I was raised to treat all people, men and women with respect. As such, I was raised that when you ask someone out on a date, and I do consider this a date, that if you are the one that asked you should pick up the tab. I was looking for advice from the more experienced people here because I really didn't want to step on this lady's toes. Both MrsVan and I liked this lady and we would have hated to have ruined the possibilities because we offended her by picking up her tab.

 

I am really unclear how you jump to such conclusions about my backbone or my willingness to defend my wife based on a simple question of whether I should pick up the lady's tab.

 

Thanks to everyone else that posted actual feedback that was helpful.

 

-Van

[Guest MrsVan]

In my opinion, if you are so anguished and troubled about making these little decisions, I can only pity you for your indecisiveness and lack of backbone. If you always agonize like this when paying for food or a room, how did you ever find the guts to finally go swinging? Have some spirit. Establish the rules ahead of time and tell him what you both expect, what he should expect and concede nothing.

 

Suppose he preempted you by making the decision for you and he paid for it. I can only surmise that when time comes to sex, if you and your wife believe you don't like to go ahead, or that the chemistry between the parties is not right you are likely to let him do things to you that you don't feel comfortable. Worse, you are likely to loose the respect of your wife if you wilt to tell him that she does not want to do it or what she does not feel comfortable doing what he wants her to do. Would you be so weak as to debase her and you because you can't have the assertiveness to say what is proper? I can only shudder at the thought of you making bigger decisions.....

 

Vacplis4lovers,

 

That comment came out of left field.=] First off if you hadn't read the prior posts MrVan and I decided to take care of the bill. It was not that he has no backbone and decided to post the question, the problem was that we didn't want to step on anyone's toes by paying for her meal. MrVan has more etiquette than I think you must have. And for you to slam someone that you don't even know is very untactful. Maybe you should think about why we are here on the board. This board is meant for others to learn and for us being newbies we want to make sure we are doing things right.

 

Whitesnake, If you can get to Ohio we would love to have dinner And we will even pay for the meal

 

MrsVan

[starryeyes 23]

Most definitely agree with the Vans! They seem to be trying their best to figure out what is considered acceptable and for that we commend them. They are right! This is a forum for learning, sharing, and exploring. We all should take a lesson here and agree that not everyone is on the same level and as such should be respected for that. It doesn't appear that the Vans are trying to carve notches into their bedpost and are considerate of others feelings. Like the Vans, we have to do quite a bit of planning to make sure all the oars are in the water, albeit that they sometimes are on the same side of the boat... but going in circles can be fun. And yes, sometimes we have to wait weeks for plans to come together, so why jeopardize things on something that may be considered "wrong" by someone else. We have learned lots reading the postings here... and one of the things we most definitely learned is that people can be rude. Mr and Mrs Van thanks for a great post.

[VanHlebar 187]

So...what's the plan from here on out? Is there an interest there? You will have to let us know how it goes...

 

Ok, so here is your update. We have been invited to her house later this month. She has graciously offered to cook us dinner if we will bring dessert

 

So we are bringing the wine and we will just see how things go from there.

 

-Van

[WesternSwing 504]

That worked-out nicely then! Good luck!

 

Mr. WS

[Thrax 384]

Good for you two. Let us know what was on the menu...

 

Thrax

[angelkin 1,326]

It may seem discriminatory, but we've usually gone dutch with single guys and paid for single women, or at least offered. We had a single girl recently offer to pay for us. It just seems we want to really take care of them since they are so rare.

 

Mr. WS

 

This is pretty much how we do it. Sometimes when we meet for drinks, we each get a round...sorta dutch, I guess.

[Playful1 434]

When I have met couples, they have always paid. That said, I always go prepared to pay my half. I use the same rule I use for dates...whoever asks the other out, pays. It's a general rule, not hard and fast (I've had people I've suggested getting together with insist on paying), but a good starting point.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

We have always paid for dinner, drinks or even coffee for our single female dates, if things progress we will also pay for the room if needed, I always ask if that's ok with them and never had one refuse. If they want to pay for a round of drinks I have no issue with that. For the single guys we split the tab 50/50 for all costs. I/we will refuse if they offer to pay.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

We follow the usual social convention. If either or both of us make the invitation for a meeting, we pay. If the single man or single woman makes the invitation, he or she pays.

[sparkstar 128]

Depends on all sorts of things. We've met singles from all over the country, usually if we go to them they pay for most/all, and if they come to us then we pay.

 

If he has paid to get a STI certificate specifically so he don't have to use condoms with Hayley then we will usually pay for everything else.

[km34 672]

When I have met couples, they have always paid. That said, I always go prepared to pay my half. I use the same rule I use for dates...whoever asks the other out, pays. It's a general rule, not hard and fast (I've had people I've suggested getting together with insist on paying), but a good starting point.

 

We follow the usual social convention. If either or both of us make the invitation for a meeting, we pay. If the single man or single woman makes the invitation, he or she pays.

 

I have never heard the "whoever issues the invitation pays" thing before.

 

We always pay our own way with the exception of drinks. We use the same rule we use with friends for drinks - take turns buying rounds, and it doesn't really matter if you come out even as long as you're having fun. The only time we cover the entire cost of getting a room is when we have planned to get one anyway, regardless of whether or not we were going to play with another person/couple. Usually we go to people's homes or our home, though, so a room isn't necessary.

[junglecouple 128]

We're the same as SW PA COUPLE... the one that invites, is doing exactly that.INVITING. I've never been invited to buy my own lunch/dinner or movie. Nor have I ever allowed an invited guest(s) pay when we make the invite.

[Wayne 15]

The couple should pay.

[shy_couple 460]

Yes. Couples go dutch. Singles guys either dutch or let him pick up if he offers. Single ladies treat.

 

Double standard but when meeting a single (girl or guy) think of who is benefiting the most from play time. Single guys are gaining more so they can pay if they like. As a couple you tend to benefit more from single lay joining you, so you should treat.

 

For us, this applies to food and drinks only. If we are getting a room, we usually choose the hotel and pay for the room. We have had offers to split the room but it feels weird to exchange money when sex is involved, at least for us.

[Guest]

Most of our MFM's have been guys we met at a restaurant or hotel bar. Often times they offer to buy us a round of drinks after the conversation begins; sometimes it's just as we start to leave as if to say, I enjoy talking to you, stay for another. We accept those unless we totally aren't interested in him.

[Guest Ready2dewit]

I've usually always split things as evenly as possible. Especially if it is someone that I've played with regularly, usually I get the hotel (if required) one time, they'll pick it up the next. I know sometimes couples have to get a sitter, or travel, etc. so in those cases me picking up the hotel or any other expenses seems fair enough