Swinging with a large body scar?

[fastsporty 15]

We want to get back into swinging but I have gained a large body scar or 3 since we last played and know it isn't sexy at all. I can't change this so look for advice on what to do about it? Should I tell people up front or let them find out later? I hate hiding anything. Just not sure here....

[BiloxiCouple 695]

This has come up in conversation with us before. For us it's no big deal. It's just part of the art of life. And after a bit you don't notice it anymore. My wife has had a couple of surgeries which left some scars. I would rather have the scars than not have her. She also has a tattoo which I don't notice anymore.

 

I worked with a lady many years ago. She had some facial scarring from a bad surgery. I never asked her about it. Several weeks after working with her she asked why I didn't ask. Just told her when she was ready she would tell me about it. Again after a short period of time I didn't notice. Her personality was more important.

[sexyshelby 19]

Scars are a part of life for many of us. Like others said, after a while you don't notice them. No sense in hiding it, in my opinion.

[fastsporty 15]

Thanks all but I worry about the first reaction of others. Hate to scare off people that.... you know never mind that comment, if they can't look over or through that oh well...

[CuriousInOregon 16]

I agree with all of the above SCARS ARE PART OF LIFE Some emotional some physical I wouldnt turn someone down because they had a scar on their body You will be just fine

[dinkydow4us 15]

Hi everyone. My wife had breast cancer 12 yrs. ago,and has a large mastectomy scar. Every time I see that scar, I'm reminded just how lucky I am that she's still with me. What I'm wondering is. Would this be a show stopper in the lifestyle? Would like any info you could send along. Please don't pull any punches, we're big kids.

[biblonde 22]

I think we all have some sort of scar here or there. They are a part of you and something that is almost impossible to get rid of all the way. Anyone that would shy away just because of a scar is shallow and well personally not someone I am interested in getting to know. Dinkydow4us....be proud of something like that...She overcame something that could have ended her life! I would never say NO over something like that. Anyone that would freak out isn't anyone you would really want to hang out with.

 

best of luck

[JaneAndJohnDoe 17]

This is an excellent thread, and the responses I've seen so far show the maturity and reasoning of many in the swinger community.

 

Kudos to all of you for being real people, and not superficially focused on silly things like scars and stretch marks!

 

There is beauty in all things, and the comment made about her mastectomy scar being a reminder of how lucky he is to still have her in his life is exactly what I'm talking about. Society/porn/magazines/etc all serve to deplete our ability to see true beauty in all things. People like us help to regenerate that ability to recognize differences and unique characteristics as a definition of beauty itself.

 

To me, it is these differences that make us beautiful.

[fastsporty 15]

Thanks All. You have helped me realize that scares even large ones are life's reminders of my favorite saying "live life to its fullest as you only have one to live".

[CuriousInOregon 16]

You are so very welcome. I am sure you will be just fine and IF some SOB looks at a scar and turns their head. Well You didn't want them anyhow.

[thediva05 15]

I too have had surgery similar to dinkydow's wife and over the years scars have been left . Mine were benign but they have never been able to determine that for me with typical methods of mammograms and ultra sounds. For whatever reason they have only been sure of what I have after doing surgery and running tests on the tissues. This has left scars over the years for me and my first surgery started at 24 and I certainly have been around the block in those ten years since I began having surgery and a few more since that initial one. In all those years I have only had one to actually notice and make a comment on it and it was actually a person who has never seen them in person but was looking at one of the photos online that I have. So to say the least I was certainly not interested in anything else that was going to come out of their mouth and I certainly was not interested in meeting. Because like what the other posters stated I simply do not have time for people that stupid or shallow.

[cowboynlady 15]

Fastporty,

 

I think your main question was "do I tell people beforehand?" I would say that if I was told up front it would not discourage me at all from getting together. If I wasn't told up front, or nothing was said when we met, then I think it would be uncomfortable just with not knowing how you feel about it or what to say etc....

 

I think be open about it and things will go just fine. If your not, you might come across some insensitive jerks that might end up hurting your feelings in the long run.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I think your main question was "do I tell people before hand?" I would say that if I was told up front it would not discurage me at all from getting together. If I wasn't told up front, or nothing was said when we met, then I think it would be uncomfortable just with not knowing how you feel about it or what to say ect....

 

Some good advice.

[Mephisto 38]

This might seem a little weird -- Oh well -

 

A while ago, while searching through google image search, I came across some pictures of a woman. The picture looked like she had been split from just under her arm pit, down below her rib cage and across to her naval (SP). The scar was indented and very noticable. She wasn't a "perfect" 10 by any means, but my what a sexy woman she was, Scar and all -

 

Her smile and seeming confidence made all the difference.

 

I hope this helps.

[fastsporty 15]

cowboynlady said:

Fastporty,

 

I think your main question was "do I tell people before hand?" I would say that if I was told up front it would not discourage me at all from getting together. If I wasn't told up front, or nothing was said when we met, then I think it would be uncomfortable just with not knowing how you feel about it or what to say etc....

 

I think be open about it and things will go just fine. If your not, you might come across some insensitive jerks that might end up hurting your feelings in the long run.

 

It wouldn't hurt my feelings but I can see my loving wife coming unglued and ripping them a new one.. Just wouldn't be good for a meeting of this type. So yes I'll try and say that up front without also scaring off people as it may seem like I'm totally mutilated or something. I've had heart bi-pass surgery so that's there and the three below that and then the removal of the vein along the leg left 3 more scars..

[ohcpl43952 16]

As a wee lad, I was in a fire. My legs are scarred up pretty well. But no one actually notices it in the heat of the moment.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I have a scar that I am completely paranoid about... It is above my neck - so I can't hide it and I feel like it is always "on display". In fact, it was that one body flaw alone that almost made me decide against swinging.

 

But, the more social I became, the more obvious it was that the scar was not just "on my head" but mostly "in my head". No one noticed it - and if they did it was often long after we'd become friends... In fact, I've met quite a few folks from this board and I'd bet you a donut (and I don't do that lightly) that no one could tell you where it is...

 

The bottom line is - we all obsess about what we consider our "imperfections". But it is often those very imperfections that make us interesting and to one person, at least, "perfect".

 

I am absolutely awful about my self-esteem. I am convinced that I am the least attractive primate alive... But, then I realize some of the incredible women I have been with (not to mention my "10" - "arm candy" - "Runway gorgeous" Mrs Spoo, who liked me enough to "buy the company") and I have to think - maybe I'm not so bad.

 

No one can alleviate your nervousness - but once you realize how much attention you get, you might just realize that it is more "in your head" as well

 

Good luck!

[kingdruman 15]

yall folk are good folk

 

we can all be gorgeous together....

 

our truest beauty as humans is shown in our differences in appearance

 

it seems we on this board are not interested in hollywood templates

 

perhaps, we should wear our scars as badges of honor and courage.

 

and take pity on the folk who cannot discern our beauty!

 

linda

[fifty4x2 15]

Consider it body art like tattoos. It's you, people have to take you for all you are.

[J & K 16]

My wife had a full tummy tuck and the line goes hip to hip corners and damn....it is so sexy. We all have a cut in our lifetime and some are bigger than others. It is only skin and scars can be sexy. If somebody is turned off by a scar then more than likely they have personal issues they can't cope with.

[BorisNatasha 63]

If you got this far in life without any scars... then you are either a clone, an alien, or have been in a box since you were born... in which case your company is not going to be all that interesting.

 

Don't worry about it... we all have them and I don't think anyone is going to be bothered by it.

 

Boris

[WesternSwing 504]

If it is that bad then you may want to bring it up in casual conversation. You know, that "one time at band camp" story of how you got it... Makes for good conversation and breaks the ice on it.

 

We, and most everybody we know, look past stuff like that though. We like to think we are having sex with the whole person, not just one part, so stuff like scars are not a big deal.

 

Mr. WS

[dragonblade 27]

I know that myself personally I have a scar on my right forearm that runs almost wrist to elbow (I had a fracture with major nerve damage that needed repaired as a child) and when I was a kid, cause it was still dark then, all the kids would make fun of it. As I've grown older and been around more mature people, 99% don't even notice unless I hold my arm a certain way or say something about it, even then they're more intrigued by the story behind it then the scar itself. I worry more about my stretch marks than the actual scar on my arm So I wouldn't worry about it, especially the heart surgery one, it just shows everyone how lucky your wife is that you're still around

 

Take care

[kirscovitch 15]

This is a really good thread. My girlfriend and I are meeting a couple for the first time this weekend. She is nervous because she has a large birthmark on one side of her face. The other couple has already seen our pictures and they contacted us first. So I try to comfort her with that. but she has some bigger body scars that she is nervous about too. One from a c-section and one on each breast from reduction surgery. I'm gonna show her this thread later on.

 

good advice in here and I'll put it to good use....

[semntj 15]

Mr SEMNTJ here:

I just wanted to throw in another vote that scars and stretch marks is a non issue for us too. It seems to me that sexy comes from within. And it seems in life that the greatest accomplishments and sacrifices often leave their marks behind, bringing a child to the world, overcoming an accident or health or weight problem, cosmetic surgery, whatever it may be. I think it just adds to the total package and makes the person even more sexy!

[Mr. Better Half 17]

fastsporty said:

So yes I'll try and say that up front without also scaring off people as it may seem like I'm totally mutated or something.

 

I can't imagine that you would scare people off. The people that would be scared off by that are the ones that you want to scare off anyway.

 

 

Spoomonkey said:

I am absolutely awful about my self-esteem. I am convinced that I am the least attractive primate alive...

 

Spoomonkey, I just can't imagine you being awful about self-esteem. You have such a presence here in the forums; the wife and I love reading your posts. It gives me hope, since I don't see any redeeming qualities in myself, either.

[aztecgirl 15]

I have a scar too, not very big. I just kind of play it by ear. If I feel someone is going to freak out about it, I warn them in advance. But if I don't sense it I don't say anything & they don't really notice it. When I bring it up afterwards, they usually say they would have never really noticed if I didn't say anything. Don't know where your's is but I can usually cover mine up w/ some kind of bustier. Good luck!

[BiWoman33 15]

I have a couple of body scars (cosmetic surgery) - I never mention them and no one else ever has, either. They are noticeable, though, and while I don't doubt they have been noticed, and my friends are probably curious, they have been very polite and never asked.