Is it ok to go to a swinger club and just watch my wife with other men?

[Guest voyeur]

If I could get my wife to a swing club, would it be OK for only my wife to have sex and me just to watch? I do not want to have sex with other women, I just want to watch her have sex with other men.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm sure, in most cases, that would be fine. The main thing is that it is YOUR wife you are watching and not that you are just standing around gawking at everyone. But there are lots of guys like you that are more into seeing their wife please and be pleased than getting into the action. Check around, you might find a club near you that allows single guy and you could really set up some fun (they might even let you bring a camera if you are into that).

[MiCpl 55]

We know a lot of couples that go to swing clubs for the woman to play. The guy only plays with her or just watches her have fun. It's no big deal as long as you are watching her and not just in general standing around gawking at people...

[xxxxxxx 15]

I have a question..I desire to see my wife with another man but I am very oral and I want to enjoy her and her partner orally before, during, and after the act. Is this acceptable to most swingers or men involved in the swinging lifestyle?

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by xxxxxxx:

Is this acceptable to most swingers or men involved in the swinging lifestyle?

 

 

Specify you're looking for a bi single man when searching for a suitable playmate. Pretty much everything is acceptable within the lifestyle (legal, that is), as long as all parties agree beforehand.

 

Dan of CanadianCouple

 

[LIZA 20]

We have been in this "lifestyle" about 5 years and find that most swingers, especially swing clubs, frown on male bi activity. There is still an unfortunate double standard that I would LOVE to see vanish! But if you place an ad seeking a bi man for 3sums, you will probably have good luck. I have NEVER seen bi male activity at a swing club and have even been to some where tehy tell you up front it is not "allowed" .........they have some pretty out-dated opinions sometimes!

[CanadianCouple 18]

Liza --

 

I suspect one of the reasons bi male activity is frowned upon in clubs is the fear of HIV infection. And there is some validity to those fears, IMO. I know my wife and I won't swing with one, for that very reason.

 

Dan of CanadianCouple

[LIZA 20]

I don't really agree that is why it is frowned upon. The odds of transmitting HIV thru oral sex man to man or woman to man are the same. I see many hetero couples swap partners and have intercourse without a condom...I have even seen women take on a line of men with out condoms. I think it is frowned upon because people have outdated, uptight inhibitions.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Liza --

Bi and gay men aren't infected at a much higher rate? Surely you jest. Bi men have been a major source of transmission of HIV to women over the years my dear, and for the vast majority of us it isn't a matter of 'outdated, uptight inhibitions', but rather an overwhelming desire to die of old age.

One of the problems dealing with this disease over the years, it's been treated as a social issue more than a health one. Have you heard of any 'rights' advocates for victims of hepatitis and tuberculosis? I haven't.

 

Next thing you know, you'll be calling us homophobes for not wanting to contract a disease that's 100% fatal.

 

Dan, outdated and uptight in Canada

[xxxxxxx 15]

Well I'm not really bi myself, I don't think... lol. Mainly my fantasy is to see her driven wild and to give her oral pleasure as it happens. I also have a strong desire to clean her up afterward if you know what I mean.

 

I'm not really interested in giving or receiving head to or from a male partner.

 

Would like it to be with someone we know BUT my fantasy might make a normal guy trip out if you know what I mean.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Sorry, I misunderstood you to mean you'd perform oral on BOTH your wife and the other guy.

 

As far as 'cleaning up' goes, certainly not my thing, but to each his own. The main thing is for compatible people to hook up and have a blast together.

 

I get a kick out of reading many ads from couples where the guy states he's straight, but practically sprains a finger hurrying to type out he's not 'homophobic'. What the heck does THAT mean?? I have a psychological disorder because I'm adamant I don't want to touch or be touched by another man in a sexual manner?

 

It's interesting to note some of the things we experience in swinging that usually aren't considered when fantasizing about it before the fact. One of those is the close proximity four people have to each other in one bed. I mean, you've sure as hell dreamed about getting close to ONE of them, but incidental contact between you and the same gendered person of the other couple is inevitable and unavoidable. Given the choice, we'd rather it not happen, but it comes with the territory of cramming four people into a bed designed for two. With every pleasure comes a little pain, I guess.

[LIZA 20]

Dan,

 

It is very difficult to transmit HIV via oral sex. unless you have open mouth sores or your partner has lesions on his penis, it is highly unlikely that you will catch HIV/AIDS from ANYONE..Male/female ...gay/straight.

 

Also, couples at swing clubs are male/female couples. Not an influx of gay men storming the club. Bi FEMALE activity is expected and encouraged at every swing club I have attended......Myself, I would LOVE to see the tables turned and see some straight married men indulge in a little Saturday night bi-exploration. There are so many MEN out there who push the wife to "try bi"......can't we women have the same desires?

As I said before, the number of hetero encounters I have seen involving condom-less intercourse and anal make me shudder. I am pretty sure if you lick a few dicks you will be much safer than the woman who takes on 10-15 strange men in a condom-less gang bang.

By the way, I am a LCSW and very familiar with AIDS research and people living with AIDS.......Not just some crackpot who wants to see guy get it on

[CanadianCouple 18]

Liza --

 

I agree that HIV transmission is much more difficult via oral sex than other modes of penetration. But the fact remains, people who engage in anal intercourse (such as gay and bi men) are practising the highest risk behaviour there is, short of injecting tainted blood directly into another person.

 

Let's be honest here, Liza. If you KNEW a man was infected, would you have sex with him, even if only oral? You know you wouldn't, and neither would anyone else reading this. I don't care if the guy's wearing more rubber than Goodyear, you're not gonna do it.

 

I'm interested to know your motivation behind wanting to see straight men try bi. Is it the fact that watching two guys together turns you on, or is this a bit of payback for what you feel is unequal attention paid to girl/girl activity?

 

Dan of CanadianCouple

[LIZA 20]

Well I agree that anal intercourse is by far the riskiest sexual act as far as the spread of AIDS. But I am not talking about a lifetime Gay male who has had anal intercourse with dozens of partners. Just that men in hetero realtionships should be just as free to try bi as their wives are.

My motivation? 1. I find it extremely erotic 2. I can't stand that silly double standard that its sexy when women do it and disgusting when men do 3. I think something like 15 or 20 % of the male population IS bi curious and it seems very unfair they have to hide that side of themselves in the swinging lifestyle, which is supposed to be all about "freedom" and doing whatever you want as long as you are with a consenting adult (or adults)

VERY HYPOCRITICAL in my opinion

[xxxxxxx 15]

I find it to be very hypocritical also, and I am not bi, men do not turn me on. As a matter of fact it makes me wary of trying the swing scene as it makes it appear to me that it might in reality be something that is geared toward the males enjoyment in the community and not truly a completely 50/50 deal. I respect women A LOT but you have to admit that if a woman loves a man she can quite often be influenced by him. My wife influences me and every decision I make everyday is done with her in mind but if I were different it would be easy to manipulate her, like I've seen SO MANY men do to their wives or girlfriends. And they get away with it. If the women are encouraged to do something, then how the hell can the men not expect that the women should also reciprocate and encourage the exact same thing?

 

I also can't stand that silly double standard that its sexy when women do it and disgusting when men do even though I feel that way myself. But if my wife wanted to see it and it would drive her nuts than I would try it because I'm all about her getting off! And I would bet that there are a higher percentage of women in the lifestyle that are exactly like me, but when a women is in love she is more likely to be the most giving from what I've seen from other peoples relationships (not mine).

[Stratecpl 19]

well..... I'm gonna be fair about it!! I think it's disgusting either way!! male/male OR female/female!

[xxxxxxx 15]

Well yeah!! That's what makes is soooo sexy.

[LIZA 20]

Connie,

 

While I totally disagree with you, at least YOU are not a hypocrite!

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by LIZA:

I think something like 15 or 20 % of the male population IS bi curious...

 

That seems pretty inflated to me, but I won't quibble with the numbers.

 

Liza, it seems to me that more and more straight people seemed almost pressured to apologize for being straight. Not only within the swinging world, but in general. As if we have something wrong with us for not wanting to mix it up with the same gender.

 

You said you find m/m very erotic. One couple we swung with several times, the woman claimed the same thing for her. But from the impression I get, her and you seem to be in the minority.

 

Last year, we went to a meet and greet, this one a Valentine's dance. As the evening progressed and the guests became, shall we say, more lubricated and less inhibited, we saw several women begin caressing and even kissing. Two of them at our own table in fact. As a man, I can tell you it's a tremendous turn on to see. Why? Not sure, perhaps it's knowing they're going to be doing the same things to each other I'd like to do with them. There's something almost mosaic seeing women interact that way with each other.

 

I know I'd love a ringside seat for the main event, I can tell you that.

 

Dan of CanadianCouple

 

 

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

I know I'd love a ringside seat for the main event, I can tell you that.

 

Dan of CanadianCouple

 

 

Which begs a question I'd like to ask some of my more seasoned friends in here. During larger group sessions, is it considered good manners to ask if one may sit and observe a particular coupling without participating?

 

Dan

 

 

[LIZA 20]

Well it's the same thing for me.............I find 2 men together very erotic. I realize that 2 women together is more socially acceptable, but I find with women I know and talk to, many do express the desire to see men in a bi situation. It seems to be a lot more accepted among younger swingers than the "old school"

In the clubs we go to, bi activity between the women takes place all over the place, it is very common and I would say almost expected. There are a couple clubs I know of that encourage men to try bi sex if they so desire, but one is in San Francisco and one in Miami, so a little far from us in Los Angeles

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

Which begs a question I'd like to ask some of my more seasoned friends in here. During larger group sessions, is it considered good manners to ask if one may sit and observe a particular coupling without participating?

 

Dan

 

It's always safe to ask, I think it would depend more on the situation.. usually it's ok to watch but as a swinger and even an exhibitionist (at times), sometimes it seems a little awkward if people are just standing around watching (now -and this is just my opinion- standing around watching with dick and hand is a completely different thing.

 

I guess it just kinda eeks me when people are JUST standing there watching.. I feel like I'm being observed rather than part of something bigger.. where as if they were playing (even with themselves) and watching too, I would feel totally different.

 

I have no idea if that answered your questions...lol

[CanadianCouple 18]

Julie --

 

I guess the scenario I had in mind about just watching would be two (or more) women enjoying each other. Let's face it, there's just something so erotic about women together...

 

I, too, would feel a bit awkward just standing there watching. If the situation was deemed 'girl's only' as far as active participation was concerned, it would be VERY nice to be able to lie beside them, stroking and caressing each of them, if that was acceptable to all. Not necessarily concentrating on touching sexual areas of their bodies, but stroking their backs, shoulders, hair, etc.

 

There's nothing like the soft skin of a woman. Talk about sexual AND sensual, all in one.

[LIZA 20]

We quit going to Freedom Acres because of a large number of fully clothed people standing around staring at us.

I don't think it should be mandatory to get naked at a swing club, but if you have 50+ people crowding the walkways just gawking..............it gives me the creeps

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I still say it would depend on the people and the situation, it never hurts to ask and well if all the other guys are standing around watching.. who's to stop you.

 

Personally tho, I have to agree with Liza on this one.. it does give ya the creeps to have people just standing around gawking.

 

At a club we used to frequent it was a regular thing for all the girls to get into a pile and go at it and the guys WOULD stand around watching. I never got into that.. personally it would just be too distracting to me to have people just standing there watching.

 

I would personally rather have people involved in what is going on.. but if it's been DEEMED girls only.. then well that means girls only.. so even laying there stroking someone probably wouldn't be cool (unless that someone was your wife and she said it was), but really that's what it comes down to in general is what is cool with everyone.

 

So my advice, never assume it's ok to do anything, asking first is ALWAYS a good thing.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

so even laying there stroking someone probably wouldn't be cool (unless that someone was your wife and she said it was), but really that's what it comes down to in general is what is cool with everyone.

 

Sorry, I should have specified that, it's a given that all would be agreeable and my wife was at least present and consenting, if not actually participating (she's totally straight, darn it )

 

You've mentioned in here several times about how important communication is between partners. Janette and I just had a heart to heart talk about the lifestyle a couple of nights ago, and each of us understands the other more than ever, in what we're looking for in this. Enhancement of our own sex life for sure, and my desire to 'share' a wonderful bed partner with others. It's a desire I've had for many years, long before I even recognized it for what it was.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I don't know exactly when or why I became bi-curious. I believe it has always existed but I shoved it back to the unconscious parts of my brain due to guilt and public opinion on the issue. I can distinctly recall being aroused by the sight of a penis or the thought of touching one or sucking one. I have never felt arousal by any man in particular however. I can say to the nth degree of accuracy how attractive a woman is on a scale of 1-10 but most guys seem either ok looking or not.

 

My wife is very uncomfortable about the idea of seeing me with another woman. I have tried to reduce her fears but to no avail. She just plain gets jealous even thinking about it. We did try soft swing with a couple once but she did not like seeing me with her. She has said that she hasn't closed the door so I just let it be and hope the right couple comes along that will persuade her to change her mind. I stopped bringing the issue up quite some time ago though because I know that pressure will close the door immediately.

 

She is not very bi curious however one of her favorite fantasies does involve a FMF threesome with her engaging in oral sex with the female. She has said that if we ever fulfill this fantasy it would have to be with a "professional" rather than someone that may make her feel threatened.

 

She is very turned on by watching me with another man. I have never nor will ever do anal, just oral.

 

I get the same arousal watching her with the other man and we have developed a sexual relationship (it is also a friendship but not in the normal sense) with a guy that immensely enjoys our company once every few months.

 

Having put adds online it is amazing how many men that respond are really straight will claim to be bi just to have sex with a good looking female.

The only way we found to weed them out is to have the first sexual meeting with the understanding that the wife will just watch and not participate. Guys that think they are going to get an easy piece of ass will not agree to such a meeting. What actually happens on the first meeting of course may be subject to change..lol. The reason we resort to this bit of deception is because we have been deceived in the past. We have had guys that get into the bed and then say that they just want to receive oral..not give it with me. Oh well, people are people and some will say and do just about anything to get there way sexually.

 

Concerning bisexuality percentages. If the lifestyle is any indicator many more women are in fact bi-sexual than men. Personally I feel it is just because they are accepted. I believe many many more men are at least a bit turned on by the idea than would ever admit to it. Before I started allowing my feelings to go beyond fantasy there is no way in the world I would ever admit to them.

 

The only thing I find disgusting concerning sex is of course unconsenting sex or sex with people for reasons other than pleasure. If I found MM sex to be totally repulsive I would be hurt if my wife expected me to do it just to get her rocks off. If it was just a thing that I found it to not be a turn on but wasn't repulsive then I would probably do it just for her. As it is, I enjoy it immensely and so does she. We couldn't care less if anyone approves or not. And i find the double standard of MM vs FF acceptance in the lifestyle totally contradictory and hypocritical as LIZA does. A bit wordy I guess but that's how I feel. Have fun all and if it don't hurt anyone it can't be all bad.

[LIZA 20]

I am so happy there is someone out there who is a married bi man, in swinging and not afraid to speak up!

 

I wish there were a lot more of you, especially in Southern California