Swinging Singles Group

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I would like to know if there are any Singles that would like to start a Singles Swingers Group. All attending will be checked out to make sure that they are truly single

 

I received this e-mail from another group that I receive information on. I thought it was an interesting topic.

[sexyshelby 19]

Wouldn't that just be an orgy?

[VegasLee 1,486]

sexyshelby said:

Wouldn't that just be an orgy?

 

It would depend on what definition of swinging you use.

 

Swinging started out as "Recreational sex between consenting adults" 40+ years ago. Since then some have tried to redefine it as something done with couples. If you get a group of couples together to have sex would it still be an orgy?

 

It is all about what someone wants to call it. People today seem to feel the need to define things to fit their idea of what it is about or what they feel they are doing.

 

You can call it what you want but when you break it down to basics, it is still "Recreational sex between consenting adults". Singles, couples, who ever.

[sexyshelby 19]

VegasLee said:

If you get a group of couples together to have sex would it still be any orgy?

It would depend on what definition of "orgy" you use.

 

Not trying to be a smart ass, just pointing out that you're totally right.

[JnCC 24]

I would like to know if there are any Singles that would like to start a Singles Swingers Group. All partys will be checked out to make sure that they are truely single

They've already got one...it's called "Match.com"

[VegasLee 1,486]

Except that match.com does not check to see if anyone is really single. They work on the honor system and there is no honor from those that are cheaters.

[Paphian 16]

They've already got one...it's called "Match.com"

 

Which of course is mostly full of vanilla folks.

[JnCC 24]

Except that match.com does not check to see if anyone is really single. They work on the honor system and there is no honor from those that are cheaters.

Nobody checks to see if anybody is "really single." Not the swing clubs, not the adult websites, NOBODY.

 

Come to think of it, nobody checks to see if anybody is "really married," either.

 

It's pretty rare (although not unheard of) for people on the vanilla dating sites to sleep with each other without knowing each other's first AND last names, phone numbers, and enough personal information about them to make some reasonable assumptions about their marital status. Picking somebody up at their house and taking them back to yours isn't that big of a deal, but it's pretty hard to do if either of you is married.

 

Swingers play by different rules. They'll meet somebody at a club, and if they "click," they're off to the hot tub or a room. How many times have you seen people exchanging phone numbers at the end of the evening...after they've had sex?

 

The same applies to meeting somebody at a restaurant. It doesn't give a couple any indication of where the other person or couple lives, or who might be sharing living accomodations with them.

 

I've come to the conclusion that despite what I read in here, most swingers don't really care if the people they party with are married to each other or not, so long as there's a physical attraction.

 

If they do, you sure wouldn't know it by how they act.

[VegasLee 1,486]

The question posed here was:

 

I would like to know if there are any Singles that would like to start a Singles Swingers Group. All partys will be checked out to make sure that they are truely single

 

By reading that it seems this group plans on checking to find out if people where really single.

 

There was nothing about clubs, parties, other sites checking. Just that group that sent out the email.

[JnCC 24]

By reading that it seems this group plans on checking to find out if people where really single.

Is there any way of doing that without knowing them personally, or knowing somebody that will vouch for them?

 

"Parents Without Partners" does it by insisting on "a Professional Reference (Doctor, Lawyer, Minister, Boss, Personnel Department, etc., or a current PWP member) to verify that you are single." Even they get fooled every once in a while.

 

I know people that won't go to a swingers club because they don't want to show their drivers license. Before I'd bring a letter from my boss or minister to join a "Swingers Group," I'd just go elswhere.

[Match.com] is mostly full of vanilla folks.

Of course it is. The world is "mostly full of vanilla folks." But is that really such a bad thing?

 

Unless you're bisexual, most of the actual sex that goes on in the lifestyle is "vanilla sex." There's only so much one person can do, or experience. Really now...what can you do with a woman in a swing club that you can't do in your own bedroom? Basically, you're either sticking it in their front, sticking it their back, or sticking it in their mouth. Maybe all three.

 

Well, "Vanilla folks" do all that, too. AND....you're allowed to kiss them.

 

What makes this an "alternate lifestyle" isn't so much what we do, as it is who we do it with and what we expect of them before and after the encounter.

 

BTW...and I'm not plugging "Match.com" here, as there are other vanilla sites that do about the same thing...but there are probably 20X as many "lifestyle friendly" or "lifestyle experienced" women over there than there are on AFF, SB, and SN combined.

[sereneiders 263]

I still prefer my definition about swinging. "Recreational sex among (all) consenting adults" is somehow redundant. If it's recreational for them all, then they all already consented, so we end up talking about "recreational sex".

 

Swinging in the other hand involves an attitude of care and a degree of responsibility that may limit, in some case, the "recreational" aspects from the "recreational sex". We should agree this is notorious to happen among couples because they treasure and want to protect their own relationship.

 

But, it's true that this isn't something pertaining only to couples. There are singles having the very same attitude. To proof my point, I'd point to all the singles who commit to such an attitude by reading and participating in the forum (opposed to those consenting adults that may have "recreational sex" from an exclusively selfish attitude).

 

So, I believe it is a valid proposal for the single swingers to set themselves apart from the ones jumping in "orgies" without any further concerns, where to share their experience and provide advice, and where eventually they may find out a mate once ensured they share the same interests and thoughts as to build up a swinging couple (just to give an example).

[curiousagain 326]

I imagine the purpose of a single swinging group besides in some way assuring their single status is to assure the people are there for recreational/group sex, and not seeking a relationship.

 

I also think it's at least 10 times easier to "get laid" on the vanilla sites than on swinger sites. But, group sex is easier to find on sites for that. It's no problem to go to a bar and "pick somebody up" but I keep reading all of the requirements for a SM in a swing club and I'm thinking "Why bother?".

 

The problem with vanilla sites is the women are usually there for the purpose of finding a significant other. Recreational sex is just something they do until the right one comes along. The tough part is when you meet someone and they think you are "Mr. Right" and you think they are "Mrs. Wrong" or vice versa, or you're only seeking recreational sex. But, that happens in the swing world also.

 

A swinging singles group would probably be intended to make sure everyone was truly single and of a like mind, that it is only recreational sex. Where is this group forming?

[sexyshelby 19]

I think it's a good idea, in theory? But how will they monitor the singles? How can they prove that you are single and not cheating?

[Paphian 16]

Of course it is. The world is "mostly full of vanilla folks." But is that really such a bad thing?

 

Nope. And nowhere did I imply it was.

 

Unless you're bisexual, most of the actual sex that goes on in the lifestyle is "vanilla sex." There's only so much one person can do, or experience. Really now...what can you do with a woman in a swing club that you can't do in your own bedroom? Basically, you're either sticking it in their front, sticking it their back, or sticking it in their mouth. Maybe all three.

 

Not at all the point. You're setting up straw men here and knocking them down. Fun maybe, but doesn't answer anything.

 

Well, "Vanilla folks" do all that, too. AND....you're allowed to kiss them.

 

Kissing isn't forbidden in swinging, either, last I heard.

 

What makes this an "alternate lifestyle" isn't so much what we do, as it is who we do it with and what we expect of them before and after the encounter.

 

Well, duh. Tell us anything we don't already know. That's precisely why match.com being "mostly full of vanilla folks" was my comment. From what I have seen there, vanishingly few women make any reference at all to anything that would indicate they might be "lifestyle friendly".

 

BTW...and I'm not plugging "Match.com" here, as there are other vanilla sites that do about the same thing...but there are probably 20X as many "lifestyle friendly" or "lifestyle experienced" women over there than there are on AFF, SB, and SN combined.

 

And you base this conjecture on what, other than sheer number of subscribers and a liberal dose of wishful thinking?

[JnCC 24]

And you base this conjecture on what, other than sheer number of subscribers and a liberal dose of wishful thinking?

How about "sheer number of subscribers" and a "liberal dose of deductive reasoning?"

 

Of course, you can't reason without some FACTS to back you up, so I went over to the one vanilla site to which I belong. I set my search criteria to "single women, my age-to-minus 10 years, within 25 miles"

 

The search topped out at over 500 women. So I tried it again, this time to "within 20 miles"

 

Same result. Over 500, 40-ish women within 20 miles of my zip code. So I again reset my parameters, this time to "within 10 miles." At last, a managable number. Over 170 hits popped up.

 

It's impossible to gauge the exact number of swingers out there, but I believe Robert McGinley once said it was about "1-2% of the population" (other sources put the percentages higher, none that I'm aware of place it lower), and that about 20-30% had considered it at some point in their lives. If he's right, then it's reasonable to deduce that 3 or 4 of those women have had some actual experience in swinging, and that at least 30, and perhaps as many as 50, have given it serious thought at some time. My personal experience in dating supposedly "vanilla" women would bear those percentages out. Kink abounds.

 

I ran another search using the same criteria, this time on Swappernet (the most popular swingers website in this area). This time, I only got 3 "hits." The first, I immediately recognized, as her pics are the very same ones she had posted when my ex- and I first signed up on SN in 1998 In her profile, she gushes about the man to whom she's now "happily married" and who "bought her a new car...and makes a good honest living." I'm glad she finally found a guy, but she's hardly "single" in my book.

 

The next was from a free member who signed up 3 days ago and hasn't logged on since. Is she a single female looking for single men to swing with, or some horny guy trolling for pics? You decide...

 

The last was from a very rough, quasi-biker-type chick who, judging from the grammar and spelling used in her profile, didn't proceed much beyond the 4th grade. I recognized this one also, as she has (or at least had) some of the same pics posted in her profile on the vanilla site I referenced above. At least it's fair to assume this one is really single...and really a female.

 

I stand by my original statement that there are "20X as many 'lifestyle friendly' or 'lifestyle experienced' women [on the vanilla sites] as there are on the adult ones." Better ones, too.

 

It's not "wishful thinking" when the numbers back you up...

[JnCC 24]

I think it's a good idea, in theory? But how will they monitor the singles? How can they prove that you are single and not cheating?

That's going to be the biggest problem, IMHO. There's really no way to "disprove a negative." It would be relatively easy for you to "prove you're in Dubai" for example. But there's no way for you to "prove" you're NOT in Bahrain.

 

Besides, even if you "prove" you're not married, how do you "prove" you're not seriously involved with someone, or they with you? You can't, that's how...

 

Cruising vanilla sites for lifestyle-friendly people now, is what it must have been like for gay people 50 years ago, cruising conventional society on the lookout for other gays. Not being "out" or having any readily indentifiable affectations or styles of dress adds a few steps to the process, but it can still be done if one truly knows a little about the lifestyle he's pursuing.

[curiousagain 326]

It is funny how we all seem to have the "swingdar" though. Although mine failed me miserably recently and I am still trying to figure out how it got out of tune.

[JnCC 24]

It is funny how we all seem to have the "swingdar" though. Although mine failed me miserably recently and I am still trying to figure out how it got out of tune.

Details, please! Inquiring minds want to know...

[curiousagain 326]

It's no secret I have no desire to help someone cheat. A married woman at work was, I felt, "too flirty and forward" and I began avoiding her. Then while out on a date, we ran into her and her husband and they had a couple of drinks under their belt too and she was really flirting and I figured her husband would get upset but he just laughed. The swingdar should have been going off like crazy, but we just moved along. Then recently a couple on one of the swing sites I am on posted pics and "ta da". It's them. Obviously, it was a major system failure for my swingdar.

[asr6969 15]

Single males not welcome .... read the sign on the door.

 

Fortuantely I have an occasional partner (female) that likes to attend functions. I get invited to previously visited, but am totally shuned from any attempt to attend a new party, convention or other .. as a single male.

[Bama0468 93]

VegasLee said:

It would depend on what definition of swinging you use.

 

Swinging started out as "Recreational sex between consenting adults" 40+ years ago. Since then some have tried to redefine it as something done with couples. If you get a group of couples together to have sex would it still be an orgy?

 

It is all about what someone wants to call it. People today seem to feel the need to define things to fit their idea of what it is about or what they feel they are doing.

 

You can call it what you want but when you break it down to basics, it is still "Recreational sex between consenting adults". Singles, couples, who ever.

 

Based on all you have said I would say the bolded part was more brought on by couples who had a spouse (most likely a guy half) being left out, so then it was we only swing with other couple. Now this IS speculation but would seem to stand to reason.

 

But as we as couples evolve in our relationships (the sharing part) we tend to get more open, which COULD be why some of us have grown to inviting single guys and some have not.

[two42lovers 273]

The singles group thing sounds great - although you may find a lot more guys wanting to participate than women -lol!

 

Please don't take this wrong, but the idea of a single person having NSA recreational sex isn't exactly unusual. Seems like this includes the majority of people on Earth - at least at some point in their lives. For many in "committed" relationships it's pretty common, too - it's called cheating -lol! For someone in a committed relationship, having recreational sex with the consent of their partner is pretty unusual.

 

Surprising that so many can't seem to see any difference between couples in committed relationships sharing partners, verses uncommitted singles having 1-on-1 sex - or group sex, for that matter.

 

Lots of singles seem to want to be called "swingers". Tell you what, let's start calling singles "swingers" and committed couples "swappers". Or are singles gonna bitch if they are not called "swappers" too? (Joking )

 

We'll use "swapping" to refer to sharing partners. By our way of thinking, two couples sharing is a completely different dynamic. It needs a term to define it. LOTS of couples have no interest in playing with anyone else other than other committed couples. We play with singles regularly - its wonderful! (And in lots of ways very different from swapping.) It doesn't have to be one or the other - both are nice.

[myhw4u 30]

I have a question about the single swinger. My wife and I have been actively involved in swinging for about a year. Our experiences have only been with single guys. After we joined AFF and SLS we quickly learned that single guys are only after one thing. There is nothing wrong with that, makes our hotwife interests much easier to pursue, lol.

 

My question is: Is there really such a thing as a single swinger?

 

Single guys wanting NSA sex sounds like every single College/Military guy I ever knew. The swing clubs in our area are very restrictive to single guys, single girls seem to have a free pass but that I think fuels my question, almost everyone wants a single girl, lol.

 

In our adventures we've found that swinging is a couple's adventure that allows single guys to participate. When does the single guy acquire swinger status?

[NumbskullsX2 24]

When does the single guy acquire swinger status?

When he includes his wife or S/O in this. Until then, he's not a swinger, just a guest of swingers.

[VegasLee 1,486]

When does the single guy acquire swinger status?

 

That all depends on the single, nothing more. When the single has had "recreational sex with another consenting adult" that they are not related to then if they want to call their self a swinger, go for it.

 

Everyone here is going to define "swinger" in a different way. Bottom line it is a frame of mind, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Some think just because you are single you are not a swinger. That is their thought for them. There is no "rule" or "law" saying you are or are not so do what works for you.