Swinging vs. Lifestyle - Is there a difference?

[Deptydog 15]

This question occurred to me while replying to another post. Is there any distinction in your minds between swinging and being in the "Lifestyle"?

 

For myself, I'd have to say yes. I could take up several pages to explain my position, but I want to hear what you all have to say.

[NakedInSeattle 159]

We are swinging in the lifestyle. And swinging is a lifestyle.

[good times 991]

My opinion is that either one is so many different things to so many different people that I believe it is impossible to define them. So to answer your question, no I don't think there is any definable difference.

[sereneiders 263]

I wouldn't say swinging changed my every day life in such a way as to call it a "lifestyle" (as opposed to, let say, vegetarian people who indeed have a life style).

 

In the other hand, I feel particularly identified with the way other swingers sees their own lives, and I found we share a lot of values and ways to think about other matters in the world around us, so from this identification point of view, I'd say the term "lifestyler" fits.

[sexyshelby 19]

Interesting question. I'd say it depends on how you define each term. But they seem the same to me, in the general definition of each word.

 

I'd be interested to know why you think there is a difference.

[JTcamp05 9]

It's an interesting question...suppose it depends on how far you decide to take it. I would say for us it is not a lifestyle because it doesn't make up everyday life. But, for the sake of conversation I would say were in the lifestyle...guess it just makes it easier to clear through the clutter.

[Dave_kat 227]

In our opinion, a lifestyle is how you choose to live your life. Things that you actively do that is comfortable for you both.

 

Swinging is an example of a lifestyle, although it could also be considered a hobby or something that you do.

 

The difference would be truly in how you look at things. Do you consider yourselves Swingers when you do this once, maybe twice, or lifestylers when you have an open house every weekend?

 

It's truly a matter of viewpoint.

[Deptydog 15]

Well, since I don't want to make this a 30 page post, I'll try to keep my answer short and sweet.

 

Swinging - I'd define that as having sex with someone other than your partner or spouse, with their consent. However, that isn't the complete definition. There's soft swinging, full swap, and so on. So I guess I'd say that it is being involved in a sexual situation with someone other than your partner, but with their consent.

 

Lifestyle - This one is a much broader term IMHO. The best way I can define it is to use my wife and I as an example. We started swinging 13 years ago. We had occasional couples or singles, but it wasn't really something we "were". Now, we are in a Lifestyle. We look for situations, we plan our swinging events, and it has become a much larger part of our life. One of the things that we discussed was that we enjoyed going to parties because we were free to be ourselves without having to worry about offending someone else who might be more "prudish" than ourselves. We were able to have an adult conversation and not have to keep ourselves in check. And if we met someone and there was good chemistry, well great. If not, well great. We are just enjoying ourselves.

 

Did I muddy the water up at all?

[Spoomonkey 421]

VegasLee has really poured a lot of information about the evolution of the terms and how, today, it is so "user defined" as to make the terms almost useless in describing what people are doing...

 

We have sex with others - but I think there is more involved in the term "lifestyle" - and frankly outside of the "community" the term "swinger" carries so much baggage (picture guys in silk shirts and greased hair with medallions and the strong smell of Aqua Velve over the stronger smell of body odor) that it is something you almost want to hide form when discussing it.

 

We tell people (if we tell anyone) that we are "responsibly non-monogamous" - and then watch them twitch...

[WesternSwing 504]

We consider ourselves in the Lifestyle because we've been swinging for two years and are still loving it. But I would say there are those that dabble in swinging, some enter and leave after just a few experiences. I would say they have swung, but they are not in the Lifestyle.

[daisy girl 34]

When we first started swinging, we thought that it would be a once in a while thing. We didn't want swinging to monopolize our life and we were afraid of becoming "professional swingers."

 

Now, it seems like swinging has become such an integral part of our lives. We have gone on vacation with swingers and will be going to the TN meet and greet. It feels like we do some fun swinger activity each weekend and I even have a blog that describes our adventures. Wow!! What does this mean?? Have we become what we sought to avoid??

[havefuninsun 122]

Daisey girl, it appears you have become what you sought to avoid.

 

I think what that means is, you guys enjoy meeting and "socializing" with folks very much. And there is NOTHING wrong with that.

 

We still fit in the "occasionally" category, which could mean a few things. It could mean that we are trying not to live the "lifestyle," so to speak. Or it could mean that we just haven't found the right folks to see often. We could be just plain lazy.

 

And I think where you are with life makes a difference too. Our kids are close to grown, but not quite (16 is now the youngest). But, the kids are at home more than they aren't, so entertaining at home is not an option right now. Not that we wish the kids away, but I can say that we look forward to more time and space that we can have friends visit without worrying about the kids. In fact, we were looking at property just this past weekend to build a house -- and asking the question, "if we live this far out of town, will people come visit us?" Offering nookie may help

 

You're having a blast -- keep riding that roller coaster until you don't want to anymore. The thrill is so much fun!!

[The Fuse 1,012]

I think maybe what you wanted to avoid was becoming depraved, single-minded, sex-crazed maniacs to the exclusion of everything else in your lives.

 

And...I know you haven't become that, so I think you're doing okay.

[daisy girl 34]

I think maybe what you wanted to avoid was becoming depraved, single-minded, sex-crazed maniacs to the exclusion of everything else in your lives.

 

And...I know you haven't become that, so I think you're doing okay.

 

Wow! I think you captured it exactly!!!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Yep, I think this happens to a lot of people. For us, we just found that once we started swinging, the vanilla things we used to like to do just aren't as much fun any more. So now days most of our recreational time revolves around swinging activities.

 

Exactly. We spend a couple of weekends a month either at a club or a social or out to dinner with other swinger friends (or groups of swinger friends). It's not necessarily even about "living the lifestyle" so much as it is realizing how much more open you can be with each other and with those around you when you surround yourself with swingers.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We said the same thing, that the life-style can not interfere with our every day lives, so we try to keep it down to every other week.

[des1re06 200]

I know how you feel. We're really enjoying living the Lifestyle.

 

We've met some of the most down-to-earth, honest, open people since we "signed up", that we rarely spend time with our vanilla friends anymore. Even if there's no sex involved, we just enjoy our swinger friends more. We don't have to watch what we say, and I can dress sexy for my hubby and not get those catty looks from the other wives.

[lovinher 505]

We have a group of vanilla friends that I can't imagine abandoning because we want to swing. If that was the case then we were not very good friends to begin with. There is much more to life than swinging. Besides, we kind of like idea that we are going to do something that none of our friends or family know about. What's funny I recently had a friend ask me if we were swingers. Maybe he was fishing for a reaction. If he only knew...

[VanHlebar 187]

Yea for MrsVan and I it seems to be about the same as the group. We do have some vanilla friends that we do make time for still, but it just isn't the same. I was out last night with a friend after volleyball having a beer with a bunch of folks from the volleyball league. I tend to forget who I am with and I say things that afterwards I realize might have been wrong with that group of people.

 

I am and have always been a "friendly" guy. Last for example a lady that was sitting next to me gave me a funny look because before I sat down I asked her if she bites. She said no and I said damn.

 

It isn't that we don't want to spend time with our vanilla friends, it is just that we are able to be ourselves with our LS friends and we don't have to worry about it. We don't always have sex with our LS friends, but it is just a lot easier to do things with them than with most of our vanilla friends.

 

Not sure if that makes any sense or not.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Part of what we wanted out of swinging was to make some new friends who are more interesting than the friends we already had. Our friends were nice and good people, and were fun to hang out with, but very straight-laced and even a little uptight. Mostly engineers, many doing research at a government institution, and computer people... like us. We had long wanted to hang out with more creative types and just different people, folks with a more relaxed and let-it-all-hang-outlook on life. People who aren't afraid to have a good time.

 

We have found some friends like that and are looking for a few more. We've kept some vanilla friends, but there are a lot of others we don't see as much. We don't feel like it's because we've become sex-crazed maniacs... we already were that way. I do think I'm a little too focused on swinging, but that will probably work itself out in time.

[Chicup 42]

A year or two ago, I posted that we were leaving 'the lifestyle'.

 

What I defined the lifestyle is the party aspect of it. The slut ware, the clubs every weekend, the drinking, the entire social existence around swinging.

 

Swinging friends are a lot more fun, vanilla parties are amazingly dull now, and as a rule we would much rather hang with swingers than non-swingers.

 

That part of the lifestyle we have embraced.

 

The party 24/7 on the other hand we have rejected. It is a bit too shallow, a bit too exhausting, a bit to 'life in the fast lane, slowly make you lose your mind' for our tastes.

 

I think when we get over our 9 month break we will maybe go to that type of 'lifestyle' a couple of times a year tops.

[ohash01 20]

J. and I are very much laid back about it at this point...we're in that age group where everyone is getting married or having babies and we have stuff to do all the time, plus we have non-swinging friends who are always coming up with fun weekend activities, so we just don't have the opportunity to get WAY into swinging.

 

We have one couple we love, who literally lives right down the road, and we see them pretty frequently...at least once a month...and the 4 of us have been talking about trying out a club, so I could see us going out more often if we got a membership somewhere, but it's just not in the cards right now.

 

Kudos to those of you who can find the time to have "adult" fun. Maybe someday. Haha.

[daisy girl 34]

wow...some really insightful responses...once again- thank you!!