Not wanting to participate with others of different races

[JustMe 15]

First let me say My question is not ment to offend anyone.

I was wondering about socials, parties, meet and greet..Where there are many people getting busy with each other, what if you want to join in but do not want to be with someone of another race? Should you not participate ( because it is a free for all right)?

 

I would really like to participate in socials, but don't want to offend anyone by not being involved with diffrent races! It is not that i am racist, i will chat, laugh, have friendships with others, but in bed...it's not a turn on to me. And if i am involved with an individual and someone from a diffrent race tries to join in it would possibly ruin the mood for me.

Any suggestions?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

No swinger party is ever a Free-For-All. One of the main rules is that no always means no. If you aren't interested in someone there is no reason that you have to participate with that person. Even in an orgy situation a person should ask (or at least give the other person a chance to say no) before beginning to play with someone.

 

Same goes for you. If you are participating in an orgy or group sex scenario, ask permission before you start touching, kissing, screwing someone.

 

Just because it's group sex doesn't mean that everyone wants to have sex with everyone else (and that includes you on both ends).

[CanadianCouple 18]

Justme --

 

Speaking personally, there is no sexual situation where I'd ever just assume I can touch whomever I want, without asking permission. I think the image of free-for-all sex is reinforced by group sex scenes in porno, but as if often the case, fantasy and reality can be quite different from each other.

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

Originally posted by justME:

...It is not that I am racist, I will chat, laugh, have friendships with others, but in bed...it's not a turn-on to me. And if I am involved with an individual and someone from a different race tries to join in it would possibly ruin the mood for me.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Same here...."Socially" I have no problem with ANY race. But "Sexually"...Now that's a different story.

[LIZA 20]

What race are YOU?

[anandjeff2 15]

It's all about what turns you on... I have very rarely met men of other races that I am attracted to sexually..but there have been a few that really caught my fancy. It is all about what you are attracted to. My brother dated a "type" of woman for many years..when he got married it was to a beautiful woman of mixed race and the funny thing was he was so afraid we'd scare her off with our personalities we didn't meet her til he had been dating her for about 1/2 a year! She was convent raised so we could understand it..we have shocked her a few times over the years..all in good humor of course! LOL

 

When it comes to sex the strangest people turn you on..I have a friend who is model material and her hubby ..many people think he is her father even though there only about 11 year between their ages.. but they are very much in love and their sex life rivals ours..so they sure aren't missing out on anything!!

[Guest just me]

Thank you all for your input.

 

LIZA...why does it matter what race i am?

 

[LIZA 20]

Race is obviously a big issue for you. To the extent you cannot look beyond a persons skin color and see them as an individual and be attracted (or not attracted) based on WHO they are, not what color they are...So I was just curious. I would assume you are white, but just wondered.

[myself 15]

Liza,

Have you ever talked to your dr. or pharmacist about any of the issues you seem to have? I'm no professional, but you don't seem very happy. You appear to be judgemental and negative. These can be signs of depression which can be taken care of very easily through either counseling or medication. You seen to take things way too personally. I know it happens sometimes when a area is near and dear to your heart, but every area couldn't possibly be could it?

 

As far as just me- wouldn't it be funny if they turned out to be black!! Lets face it, we all have our preferences, which is what makes us an individual. Just look at our lifestyle!! I'm sure we could raise some eyebrows if we told people we were swingers at our child's PTO meeting. That alone makes us different. Chill out.

[LIZA 20]

No I am not depressed. I enjoy a good debate and find this (and other) message boards a forum for that. If I argued every issue with my husband or friends I would probably drive them nuts! Here it really doesn't matter. One of my joys in life is calling people on the hypocrisy...and I find it rampant here. If everyone just came here to write sweet little notes with happy faces...it would be a pretty dull place!

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by LIZA:

To the extent you cannot look beyond a person's skin color and see them as an individual and be attracted (or not attracted) based on WHO they are, not what color they are...

 

Yeah Liza. Like, right on. Just wish more people felt the same way about overweight women and balding men. Then we'd be able to share even MORE experiences with each other on here.

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

Again, it's all about choices & preferences we ALL have of our own. It's the same as "If everyone just came here to write sweet little notes with faces.............it would be a pretty dull place!"....If everyone preferred the same "sexual type of partner(s) to swing with and post sweet little faces here", it would also be a pretty dull place too...

[LIZA 20]

I see quite a few overweight women and balding men at the clubs we go to. I also see some people who look like the stepped out of Playboy/Playgirl. But the average/chubby/balding, etc are in equal numbers and I don't see any of these people being shunned. Also while whites are the majority, we have met lots of black, Hispanic and Asian couples and a LOT of couples like us who are interracial.

 

I guess we have been lucky so far to play in clubs where people are very friendly and OPEN MINDED.

[LIZA 20]

to the original poster:

 

I have never been to a swing club where people touched and joined in without permission. That is a big no-no. HOWEVER...You will see people of other races nude, having sex, they may watch YOU have sex. They may ask to join and you will have to tell them "no". If you play in a group area, at most clubs, they may be right next to you. I have never heard of a "whites only" swing club (or ANY one race only) so if you can't handle what I describe above you are probably better off not trying it.

[myself 15]

WOW you were friendly with your responses and opinions. I'm impressed!!!

[anandjeff2 15]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

Just wish more people felt the same way about overweight women and balding men.

 

Well I have to admit here that I am overweight and Jeff is balding..our friends the hubby is balding too..but have to admit my girlfriend is model material...the type to make men stop and drop and drool..guess we're lucky..VBG.. it really depends so much on the people you meet...if you take your time and wait fopr what you are looking for personality wise then you will eventually find it..this coming from moi after we had a playtime last night that went till 4 in the morning...I am running on very little sleep but one heck of a sexual high!!

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by anandjeff2:

this coming from moi after we had a playtime last night that went till 4 in the morning...I am running on very little sleep but one heck of a sexual high!!

 

Sure. Rub it in some more. Pull wings off flies in your spare time?

 

One of our problems is the pool of potential partners here in eastern Canada probably isn't as expansive as where you live. Nonetheless, we do plan on attending another meet and greet soon, hopefully one scheduled for July 9. And despite all our bitching and complaining about looks being imperative to others, the vast majority of those who attend these things, 20 or 25 couples, most are just like us in stature. VERY few models, so to speak.

 

Unlike many men, it really isn't important whether I score with a 'hottie' before I die, but we'd much rather be with nice, good-natured people, who respect us as we do them. It seems to fall on deaf ears at times, but I really don't care how large a woman is, if she has a good personality and is CLEAN, I want to be with her. And Janette feels the same about their husbands.

 

Hope you get a good nights' sleep. Sounds as if you'll need it.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by LIZA:

I see quite a few overweight women and balding men at the clubs we go to.

 

 

As I mentioned below, same with the club we attend. The host and hostess, a married couple, we've hinted around at getting together sexually at some point in the future. She's a very petite woman, but this doesn't factor in with me wanting her. She's a nice soft spoken person with a pleasant way about her. THAT's why I'd like to jump her bones.

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

Originally posted by anandjeff2:

....this coming from moi after we had a playtime last night that went till 4 in the morning...I am running on very little sleep but one heck of a sexual high!!

 

You GO girl! Good to hear you had a good time! Details g/f, details!

[LIZA 20]

My husband and I are not models by any means...we are both about 15-20 pounds overweight and I prefer other couples who are NOT perfect hard bodies. I would feel very uncomfortable with a woman that weighed 110 pounds...

[MiCpl 55]

Neither of us are models either. Both of us are at least 10-20lbs over our "ideal" weights, he's balding and hairy.. but funny, I'm attracted to balding guys. One of my biggest turn-ons (as far as a guys looks) is a guy who's balding (or usually shaved or cut really short to hide the fact that he's balding) and a goatee. As for women we both prefer them with a little meat on their bones, none of this stick girl stuff.

[CanadianCouple 18]

JustMe:

 

First I must say I don't personally understand not being able to be with someone of another race. But to each his/her own. It's not for me to judge others for their likes or dislikes.

 

Remember others can't just join in as you couldn't either. All must ask and No Does Mean No ( Said politely of course ). This is a Golden Rule in this type of lifestyle. As long as all abide by this, it should never become a problem. We have all been said no to as well as saying no to others at one time or another. Although not pleasant to do or have done to us, it is however a part of this. As long as all remain mature and leave the childhood attitudes in the schoolyard where they belong, all can have a wonderful time.

 

Me personally, size, race, religion, etc... doesn't mean a thing. As long as the gent is CLEAN, KIND, GENTLE and has a good personality. After all I only want to borrow his bod for a short period of time, not marry him. But like I said before, everyone has their own tastes and preferences and should be allowed to do so without being berated for it.

 

I'm sure you will find just what you are looking for. Good Luck.

[JustMe 15]

I would assume you are white, but just wondered

 

Liza...no I am not white...why do people automatically assume that if you are not "into" (for lack of a better word) a different race that you are white?! I just have certain things that turn me on or off..just like some people like red heads, and some don't, some people like ladies who are 110 pounds, and some don't!!! So should I be offended that you would not like to be in a situation with me because I am under 110? No, that is YOUR preference! If it makes You uncomfortable then I respect that. Different strokes for different folks. I agree with everyone who said the world would be a very dull place if EVERYONE liked the same thing! Again, Thank you for your thoughts on this matter. Have a nice day!

[LIZA 20]

My assumption you are white was based on my own experience. White people (of which I am one) are USUALLY the most racially prejudiced. Obviously, you are the exception to that!

However, the majority of couples who swing ARE white. So if you are planning to attend an on-premise club and do not want any white people around to spoil the mood, you are probably out of luck!

Myself I am white, with an asian spouse and a great affinity for black women and men....so all my bases are pretty much covered!

It is SO much easier to enjoy life when you don't have a lot of preconceived rules!

[Guest JustStoppedBy]

Not racist my ass. How can you even claim not to be, this is by far the most ridiculous discussion I have ever seen. People are people, attractive or not. Get a life!

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I am white and had a LTR with a black girl once. She was very attractive and most men (white and black) drooled over her. The black community was practically aghast at the fact that she was dating me. The comments were rude and made right in front of me. At a NAACP convention that we attended in indy in 95 the president of the NAACP made a glaring insulting remark directed toward me during the general meeting. The remark was along the lines that we must not allow our race to be filtered down or some such thing by reproducing with other races. She received a standing ovation for the remark. I was one of maybe 8 whites in the room out of approximately 400 people. It was without a doubt one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.

On the other hand we were verbally abused at a small town country bar in southern michigan once by a bunch of rednecks. Although others in the bar did not necessarily agree with them no one stood up for us.

In the US it appears from my experiences that blacks and whites are both racist in pretty near equal percentages.

I have never been particularly attracted to black women and generally find them to be unattractive. She was stunningly beautiful and had a personality that everyone wanted to be around also.

There however is a big difference between being prejudiced and being racist. We all have prejudices to some extent. Some people are prejudiced against cocky and arrogant types. Some are prejudice against dirty people. Prejudice is not necessarily bad at all and the word is loosely thrown around. The definition of racism is to have prejudice or animosity toward all people of a particular race.

If a person finds color or heritage to be sexually unappealing they are simply practicing there god given right to use preference in sexual selection.

 

And by the way there is in fact at least one swing club that excludes blacks. It is called La Place..and is an upperclass club in indy. We wanted to attend and they did a phone screen to insure that neither of us is black. This is perfectly legitimate and legal.

Clubs are allowed to discriminate on whatever basis they choose to. We checked this out and were very surprised to find this to be true.

 

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

A commercial on television a number of years ago comes to mind.

 

A man and a young boy are fishing in a boat and the boy is talking about 'Jimmy, his Jewish friend'. The old man points out that by calling jimmy his 'Jewish friend', the boy has shown his racisim.

 

Volumes could be written on this, but I'll just say that if you don't want to swing with a white person, or a black person, or mexician, or whatever, then fine. Don't.

 

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

michigancouple...WOW! THAT sucks!

 

That's too bad...*Shaking my head*

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by michigancouple:

In the US it appears from my experiences that blacks and whites are both racist in pretty near equal percentages.

 

You're correct, although a much bigger deal is made of white racism. Just look at some of the outrageously racist things said by some so-called leaders of the black community.

 

Up here, blacks constitute a much smaller percentage of the population than in the major urban centers of the US. We've never swung with anyone of color, or met with them for this purpose, but only due to lack of opportunity. We've discussed this among ourselves and neither of us has any problem with it. When Janette was in her teens, she dated a black fellow for several months.

 

I hate to sound like a sound bite for anti-racism ads, but I really don't care how much skin pigmentation someone has. My criteria for swinging is what kind of people they are, are they honest and of good character, etc. If we all click, things will just fall into place. (pun intended:))

[Bama0468 93]

Everyone seems to think that racism is of equal numbers, I have not found that to be true, nor Have I noticed the sterotype of the south being more so true either.

 

In my stay in the north I saw more racism than I ever did in the south, all of it white to black, or white to red .. it did not matter if you were not white, aand you were in that town you had better be a migrant worker or they made you very unwelcome. This mentality is sad to me, I have had many friends, I don't concider race an issue, its whats in the mind.

 

Quite frankly, I am a white man, I don't care what color you all are, as long as we can connect mentaly. Oh, and the closest friends I have had, the ones I would trust most to watch my back, have been of other races than me, but if you concider this, We all bleed the same color blood, we all live simular lives, we all feel pain, love, joy and happiness. In my mind there is only one race human.

 

 

[Stratecpl 19]

It's so true that racism is rampant, whether north, south, east, west, USA, Canada.... I just can't get out of my mind the fact that so many people are missing SO MUCH in their lives! Everyone has something to share, something to give. We opened our hearts and minds long ago and we've been richly blessed with some great friends along the way. Some Black, some American Indian, some of various European origins.... All wonderful people, all interesting to visit, to talk with, and ALSO to play with.

 

My wife is American Indian. I am a rare mixture of Louisiana Creole.... French, Spanish, and American Indian. We've also met with some racial prejudice in places, too. It's never nice....

 

Maybe if more folks felt as you guys do, this world would be a lot more fun to be in....

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple 18]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

I am a rare mixture of Louisiana Creole

 

Ron, I'm a purebred. Unfortunately, that breed is balding, bespectacled geek.

[austxmark 41]

Amazing conversation. One thing I will say is that mixed race is a selective problem everywhere you go, but it is USUALLY not a problem anywhere. And to say that most racism is from a white person is showing ignorance. In this country its the other way around for the political groups (NAACP, LULAC, etc) as for individuals its totally a case by case basis.

 

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Mark in Austin