Enjoyed this experience with another girl but not ready to admit it

[Magrathea 15]

To start, I should let you know a little about our swinging life. Our first experience was last November. We played with them only once. The second couple we played with was in January and we played with them 3 times. We are still friends with both couples and both times it was full swap, seperate rooms. We took a break for a while just to make sure it was all settling okay and "re-joined" the lifestyle a couple of months ago, but we have only played twice since then... the most recent of those times being the focus of my little issue.

 

The first time was soft swap, same room, which I was trying because I wanted to see if I could do full swap, same room... something Mr. Magrathea would like to try. Turns out, I know myself pretty well and when I said seperate rooms only I was spot on. Then came Friday......

 

We invited J & M out for dinner and then to our house. They are the couple that we tried the same room thing with about a month and a half ago. They are soft swap, same room and we are full swap, seperate rooms so we all concluded that it wasn't a match right now and we would be vanilla(ish). Also, neither M nor I are bisexual. Write that down, it will be important later.

 

Anyway, the evening started out with J announcing that the vanilla thing was totally official (he's waffled on it a few times) and then we all just hung out. Once my babies went to bed we started drinking. M and I weren't messing around about drinking so we had about 8 or 9 shots.

 

At that point the question of what toys we own came up and we brought out the box. In the box we have this glow in the dark glitter stuff and M and I put some on just for fun. Shortly thereafter we decided it needed to be washed off. I said I was going to hop in the shower and J said something like, "you both can take one together" to which we promptly agreed. M and I thought it would be fun to put on a little show for the boys, but somehow our show ventured away from being just a show.

 

We ended up kissing and fingering eachother even when the guys weren't there. Then we decided they should go to the store for a strap on. While they were gone, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. We fooled around a bit and she went down on me.

 

When the guys got home we ended up having sex with our husband on the same bed and after as we all laid there they mentioned that they went all the way to the store for the toys. We decided to try them and M fucked me with the strap on.

 

Here's the issue: I really did have fun, so much so that I would be interested in exploring it further, but I have a bit of 'buyers remorse'. The current working theory is that I am NOT bi and I sort of like that theory. I am torn between wanting to play with another woman and feeling a bit shamed because I already have.

 

I talked to my husband a bit and he claims to have "always known" and says that I'm denying myself.

 

I just don't know what to do with everything that has happened. I guess I just want your thoughts and maybe a few probing questions so I can try and work this out. Thanks bunches.

 

Mag

[KajiKurai 15]

I talked to my husband a bit and he claims to have "always known" and says that I'm denying myself.

 

If that's the case what are you worried about. You enjoyed another woman. You're consenting adults and it sounds like your husband knows you well.

 

From reading your post he's okay with your sexuality but you need to come to some inner peace about it. I currently have a female friend trying better understand her own sexaulity. She's not been with a woman other than kissing/fondling but her curiousity and interest haven't wained in two years.

 

My SO is bisexual. I have no problems with it whatsoever. If your husband is anything like me he considers himself a lucky man.

 

My advice, be quite a bit more sober next time. Then you know you had your wits about you when you went there. If you're bi you're bi. That's something that just is. What's the problem?

 

Good Luck.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Hi Mag!

 

First of all I would agree that you should limit the alchohol. My MR knows when I've crossed that invisible line and if I have...there's no playing for us. We don't want to let the booze swing, WE want to swing. Also, we won't swap with people who are obviously drunk. That being said...

 

If you're bi you're bi.

I don't agree with this at all. I have no desire to do oral on another woman, and haven't had it performed on me. Some of the hottest times I've had, one girl was sucking one side of a cock and I had the other. We met kissing at the top. Is that bi? Maybe, I just know we were both pleasing a man and having fun back and forth as well. Personally I think it depends on the circumstance and people involved.

Mrs LOL

[sexyshelby 19]

Yep, limit your alcohol so that you are in total control of your actions.

 

If you honestly feel that you want to explore more with this other woman and couple, then continue to do so. If you are uncomfortable with the term "bi", then don't use it. VegasLee always says that people are too concerned with labels. It is and what it is...

 

There is no reason to feel ashamed by what you did. You were all consenting adults and like you said, you had fun. No shame in that. If this is something you want to continue, you need to figure out your own feelings. Take a break, take some alone time and try to figure out what you want. Maybe you should try talking to the other woman, see how she feels about it all.

 

~SS

[meandher2go 17]

dont worry about labels.

 

you had sex, it was fun and ya wanna do it again. THATS ALL ! ! !

[EvilMJ 65]

Finding out new things about yourself can be either a wonderful thing, or a highly confusing thing. We are all raised a certain way about how to view our own sexuality, for the most part we are taught that we are either straight or gay and there is no inbetween. So what do you do when you find yourself in that middle ground??

 

I never thought I was bi-sexual until we started swinging. It was strange to deal with at first, but then I came to terms with it. Your hubby is already okay with it, now you have to find a way to come to terms with it yourself. There is nothing wrong with some experimentation to find your way.

 

It is great to hear that (other than a little too much to drink) your first time was a positive and fun experience. The great thing about all this is, you only have to play with another woman when you want to. Maybe next, maybe never again..as long as you are comfortable with it, then have some fun!!

[sereneiders 263]

I agree with EvilMJ, moreover, my wife emphatized she wasn't bi, nor wanted to touch another woman with a 10ft pole when we discussed swinging. In our very first encounter she couldn't get the hands from the other gals (it as a FMFMF), and in the second she was eager to get down on the other gal. Go figure.

 

Anyway, she still say she's not bi. She enjoy the other gal but when I am there, she say she found it a big turn on because of sharing that with me and turning me on in the proccess, but I believe she needs me there to give herself permission.

 

I think the problem is about the labels, and not about what you actually do.

[Magrathea 15]

Let me say, for the record, that I got drunk that night at about 8, everything started at about 10 and it didn't stop until about 3. I did have too much to drink, but I remember everything clearly and sobered up (mostly) sometime before the guys got home from the store. I just want to make that clear because I don't want ya'll to think that this was a drunken situation... although, it started as one, it didn't remain as such. And I hold liquor pretty well anyway.

 

That being said, the problem is simply that there is a problem. I can't put my finger on it... maybe it is just the label...

 

Anyway, thanks for the comments. I've talked to M about it and she said that she was more open to it to begin with so everything is fine with her.... just pleasant memories. I sort of feel guilty about the memories being pleasant for me.

 

I don't really know where to go from here. I was thinking of changing my SLS from straight to bi-curious, but I'm very nervous about the storm that will stir up. LOL.

[lovedoctor 15]

Magrathea - Just enjoy yourself and try not to worry about any labels. I had the same response as you did the first time, and I feel much better now after time has passed and I am used to it. There won't be anything different about you externally, but inwardly you may just find yourself feeling a little more free. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex with people you feel comfortable with.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

glad to hear that you had so much fun. and that you didnt make a blury decision. as for changin your profile we kinda leave ours as we are ok with bi females, after all that is more for the talking after we meet. i once heard that a wise person will change their mind a fool never does. we were set in our ways but things sometimes change. we are a cpl only cpl both straight untill recently. but have since found a select male and female. mrs fun is not bi but has since played a little.we could change our profile but we know some one who is constantly changing their profile and it just looks kinda funny changing every week. if you are looking for more by all means change it. we update ours once in a while. have fun good to hear from ya.

[dayhiker 83]

Hi Magrathea - I'm curious if you can specify the source of the guilt? Might it be church? Family teaching? society in general? or?

 

dayhiker

[fun4Ds 1,098]

well maby i better follow up on this before mrs.fun reads this and i get a funny look. see i dont do so well with change personaly.i have a realy hard time with the grey area in life sometimes. i like things to stay the same and where they are. black and white so to speak. mrs.fun on the other hand teaches me that its ok. life is more colorfull than that.

[Magrathea 15]

Hi Magrathea - I'm curious if you can specify the source of the guilt? Might it be church? Family teaching? society in general? or?

 

dayhiker

 

The question of the hour! I think there are a few sources.

 

The most notable being that I was at one point involed with a Christian cult which left me with a few scars. I am passed the vast majority of the sexual disfunction they created, but I was there during my formative years so it is not only possible but highly probable that this issue comes from there.

 

Another is the way my cousin was treated by my family when she came out of the closet. Of course, everyone is over it now, but for a long time she wasn't allowed around her sisters children and other crazy things like that.

 

Also, I've been made fun of fairly often for the fact that my constant search for who I am has landed me in interesting religions and relationships and has also helped me to make some choices that other members of my family are less than thrilled by. (nudism, swinging, ect.)

 

Then, of course, there is my desire to be an individual because of all the time I spent following the crowd. I don't care to be the standard was-straight-started-swinging-is-now-bisexual woman that seems so prevelant in the lifestyle. In fact, I've commented in the past that with so many profiles saying that the woman is bi it seems like there are a lot of husbands who want threesomes and a lot of wives who are just going along for his sake... How interesting that would be if I then became one of the many bisexual women on SLS?!?!

 

Those are a few of my thoughts. Another friend has told me that I'm simply too analytical for my own good. That is certainly possible.

 

Mag

[Magrathea 15]

well maby i better follow up on this before mrs.fun reads this and i get a funny look. see i dont do so well with change personaly.i have a realy hard time with the grey area in life sometimes. i like things to stay the same and where they are. black and white so to speak. mrs.fun on the other hand teaches me that its ok. life is more colorfull than that.

 

You and I are very similar creatures.

 

Mag

[VanHlebar 187]

Mag,

 

I wouldn't worry about the label. MrsVan too was very against FF activity when we first started in this lifstyle back in January, or so I thought. Then in February we were joking about a FFM 3some for my b'day and well one thing led to another and the 3some happened back in March and MrsVan actually had more fun than I didn!

 

She admitted later that she was curious and that it was not anything like she expected it to be. If your husband doesn't have any issues with what happened, then don't worry about it. You had sex with another adult and it was fun and it felt good. Where is the harm here? If the guilt is over the way you were raised or because of social stigma, well again all I can say it to forget about it. If you choose never to do it again, the you don't do it again. If you choose to continue to explore with it great also, but I wouldn't worry about the labels.

 

In homebrewing we have a saying "Relax and have a homebrew!", this could easily be applied to this too. "Relax, its just sex and have fun!"

 

-Van

[The Fuse 1,012]

I agree with what others have said here-- don't worry about the label. Leave your profile with your designation as "straight" if that's what you feel comfortable with as a label. As you know by now, you'll get lots of chances for bi activities anyway.

 

My experience has been somewhat similar to yours. I never considered myself more than just open to exploration with another woman. It seemed almost expected, and I have been curious, but sometimes felt pressured by the expectations of our potential playmates.

 

I don't consider myself bisexual now either, but I've enjoyed playing a little here and there with the wives of the couples we've been with. Last weekend it went further. I went down on a woman for the first time, and she went down on me. I enjoyed it and want to do it again. But it's nothing to how much I've enjoyed being with the men. I don't know how best to label myself, but it doesn't matter, as VegasLee always says. I'm betting that the right choice for you is to choose a conservative label and talk about your preferences with people when it comes up.

 

Sometimes it's really about identity, plain and simple. Even if there weren't the family history and religious background you describe, there's just something elemental about how one identifies oneself. I'm betting part of your discomfort comes from having that identity shaken a little bit.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[dayhiker 83]

HI Megrathea,

Well, I can certianly realte to your religious one. I wasn't invovled in a Christian cult, but was involved in funtamentalist chruches and still am.

I have spent the last two years stufing what the Bible says about sex. Its been interesting that the church ignores some scriptures, redefines several key words, totally misapplies several verses and ends up saying almost the opposite of what the Bible says.

I've told me pastors what I've found, they were pretty shocked and upset with me. For the most part they haven't been able to find any fault with what I've learned.

I'm like you in that I love to analize things. I guess I naturally have faith because when I look at things I see God involved in all of them. Basically, I see the NT's message to be if we love God and our neighbor we have fulfilled the law. So I think your personal search pleases the heart of God, for you love examining what He has created you to be.

 

Anyways, thanks for sharing your story,

dayhiker

The most notable being that I was at one point involed with a Christian cult which left me with a few scars. I am passed the vast majority of the sexual disfunction they created, but I was there during my formative years so it is not only possible but highly probable that this issue comes from there.

.....

Also, I've been made fun of fairly often for the fact that my constant search for who I am has landed me in interesting religions and relationships and has also helped me to make some choices that other members of my family are less than thrilled by. (nudism, swinging, ect.)

.....

Then, of course, there is my desire to be an individual ....

Those are a few of my thoughts. Another friend has told me that I'm simply too analytical for my own good.

Mag

[sereneiders 263]

Then, of course, there is my desire to be an individual because of all the time I spent following the crowd. I don't care to be the standard was-straight-started-swinging-is-now-bisexual woman that seems so prevelant in the lifestyle. In fact, I've commented in the past that with so many profiles saying that the woman is bi it seems like there are a lot of husbands who want threesomes and a lot of wives who are just going along for his sake ... How interesting that would be if I then became one of the many bisexual women on SLS?!?!

Mag

 

Perhaps this could come from putting the charriot before the horses. May be it is just women identity issues related with homosexuality are lighter than males ones.

 

I mean, culturally we trend to peg sexuality with penetration, even when we may say otherwise when thinking about it. Being with a peer who's also able to penetrate rings our bells louder than a woman who may start touching another one allowing the temperature to grow smoothly without any tought about a "penetration risk" being involved in such a "naive" carresing game.

 

May be this have to do with this, it's harder for us, males, to lower our self identity defenses because we'd perceive such a "risk" at once if we were with another male (and it happens even in MFM scenarios where one or both the guys get unconfortable from being so close to each other), as if almost any contact with another guy could be deemed of "sexual".

 

So perhaps this statistic about bi women outnumbering bi males in the lifestlyle could lead us to conclude it's an effect of what I am talking about... or may be would let us conclude many other things as well.

 

When we have this sort of stats that may come from very unrelated facts, we're free to choose to stick to the explanation we like the most among the many making sense, and we use to do so.

 

I feel interesting to ask yourself why did you picked this explanation, "it seems like there are a lot of husbands who want threesomes and a lot of wives who are just going along for his sake" instead of any other, and I believe this have to do with your actual controverted feelings: from "then.. would I be seen as one of these wives who go along with my husband wishes?", to the supposition (or lack of previous understanding) that "there shouldn't be pleasurable for two women to be togheter in bed", or something you already pointed out comming for your familiar experience, where being with another women could be "punishable" or even a punishment by itself (going along for his sake... and not her own, can become a punishment).

 

Now that you've been there, and perhaps up to be there again, and from your words, it seems to me you're dealing with these sort of questions too.

[robel12550 31]

Megrathea,

 

Dropping the "label" aspect for now, could it only be that you felt comfortable with this particular woman such that it felt good to have contact with her? Maybe you won't have the same ease or feeling with another.

 

The bottom line is if it feels good and doesn't harm anyone, why not do it? Psychologically everyone (except yourself at the moment) feels comfortable with it. And you've basically stated that you weren't so passed out drunk that you didn't know what was going on or couldn't stop it if it didn't please you. Relax and enjoy it.

[nwpacouple16404 21]

First of all about the drinking, I think it is cool to do while swinging (but not to slovenly excess) because it lowers your inhabitions a bit so that you are not holding back from what u want to do.

About bisexuality, I so thought I was a lesbian until I did a girl. LOL I was always falling in love with my best girl friends. I am posted on swingers sites as bi, but I don't even know if I am. I have been with about 5 girls, and have never gotten off with any of them. I wish I could. I always thought it would be hot to be friends with a girl for a long time, and then have it just happen. Never happened like that for me tho. The closeness females share can be so intense. Hell if I had a hot experience like you had I would be so happy. Maybe if I found the right girl? Don't worry about the label "Bi", I say just do what feels good as long as it isn't hurting the ppl you love, including yourself. Take care.

[lovedoctor 15]

We should call this thread "Magrathea awakens..." (just a little Douglas Adams humor!)

 

Do you think that Slartybardfast worried about labels, after all he called the little bits of land jutting out from the coast of Scandanavia "fiddly bits?"

 

Enjoy your fiddly bits!!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

just curious, how do you feel now ?