MFM in a working marriage??

[curiouscpl72 48]

hello all

just a question for all... wondering if there are married couples who have no problem with mmf 3somes.? we would love to hear from the good and bad experiences......

brief intro

we are married 10 years and have been through many of the lows that come with marriage.

we have stuck together no matter what...and in the last very happy 5 years

we have been bringing up alot of our 'swinging type' experiences from b4 we were married.

we already have examined the possible pro's and con's of this but wonder about other couples experiences....

we are very sexual and plan to do the 4 some in the future + this seems to have arrisen 1st.

for we meet the potential 3rd later this week.

and both being secure with it and totally turned on by it.

thx for the help

j&p

[VegasLee 1,486]

Most of our play time is spent in MMF. We don't like waiting for months/years trying to find a couple that we both want to be with. It happens, couple times a year but we never go looking for it.

 

We have found there is much less drama and more good times with MMF type play.

 

As long as you keep it to play and not try to adopt the guy or make something more of the relationship then there really is it is a great way to enjoy swinging. Keep it simple. Works for us.

[ItTakes3 19]

Ditto to Lee's comments.

[mitzi54 15]

mmmmmmmmmm... we love MMF's.

 

We seem to spend months/years looking for that rare FFM.

[JnCC 24]

Some couples are apparently able to make them work, but overall, I think they tend to be more problematic than straight, MFMF relationships. It depends a lot on why you're getting into this specific type of pairing rather than the more common 4-some, and on how you choose the male.

 

True, it can be a little more work to meet a couple that you both click with, but assuming you and your wife are pretty evenly matched in age, appearance, etc., it shouldn't be that hard. The internet makes it 100X easier than it was back in the days of "Seekers Magazine" and Polaroid snapshots (that people never returned).

 

I've seen it from both sides...both as the husband of a woman who enjoyed an occasional MFM, and as a single male. Knowing what I know now, if I were in a relationship that mattered to me, I'd be extremely hesitant to invite a solo male into our bedroom. If we did, it would have to be somebody we met at a hotel bar or dance club, not on the internet or at a swing club.

[VegasLee 1,486]

JnCC,

 

I have to admit that you have given me some good.. No, great information that I finally have figure out from many of your posts.

 

We have traveled to most states and even other countries to go to clubs, parties and swingers conventions but never to KY.

 

After reading of your experiences we have put KY on the list of somewhere we would never want to party.

 

Thank you!

[TNT 1,155]

MFM is our perfered way to play...we do on occasion play with couples, but it is very rare and even rarer FMF. We have never had a problem with any single man that we have played with and most that we play with last long-term.

 

You get out of swinging what you are willing to put into it. There are no set rules as to how you are suppose to swing. Do what you are comfortable with.

 

 

Teresa

[curiouscpl72 48]

thx for the input

we are already so comfortable in our sex lives that after talking

for a about a year on it we know we don't need to do it ....

we want to do it.

i think our only concern is what if the 3rd gets or tries to get emotionally involved....?we know we would have to cut the string real fast...

any others have a problem with a 3rd getting a bid to close.(other than sex)

thx again

j&p

[Thrax 384]

Is it just me, or is anyone else anticipating a bit of a flame-war on this thread?

 

Well, I'll just sit back and be ready with the marshmallows on the sticks.

 

flamethrow

 

Whatever happens, hope everyone has a good time!

 

Thrax

[imsnowman 34]

JnCC,

I have to admit that you have given me some good.. No, great information that I finally have figure out from many of your posts.

We have traveled to most states and even other countries to go to clubs, parties and swingers conventions but never to KY.

After reading of your experiences we have put KY on the list of somewhere we would never want to party.

Thank you!

 

What's with the subtle but, gratuitous insult?

I don't see him insulting you!

[Coupleinidaho 15]

I've seen it from both sides...both as the husband of a woman who enjoyed an occasional MFM, and as a single male. Knowing what I know now, if I were in a relationship that mattered to me, I'd be extremely hesitant to invite a solo male into our bedroom. If we did, it would have to be somebody we met at a hotel bar or dance club, not on the internet or at a swing club.

Oh, I'm just waiting for the put-downs to start. Namely, the only reason that JnCC wouldn't want a MFM in his commited relationship is because of jealousy, insecurity, lack of self-esteem and/or self-confidence. That's usually where the conversation heads in posts like this, which is sad.

 

It's really quite interesting, after reading these boards with my hubby for over 6 months, how much the women run the action. I know that sounds like a no-brainer, but I'm also talking about how hard posters come down on the men when they express insecurities, and how tender and with kid-gloves it is when it's the woman expressing those feelings. Hmm, wonder why that is...

 

Personally, I would never expect my husband to let me sleep with another man, if I weren't willing to let him sleep with another woman (which will never happen, he's all mine). More power to those folks that can soley do one or the other. But I think in a relationship, if you don't have true equality, sooner or later someone's going to feel left out and be taking one repeatedly for the "team."

 

Mrs.

[JnCC 24]

JnCC,

 

I have to admit that you have given me some good.. No, great information that I finally have figure out from many of your posts.

 

We have traveled to most states and even other countries to go to clubs, parties and swingers conventions but never to KY.

 

After reading of your experiences we have put KY on the list of somewhere we would never want to party.

 

Thank you!

Hey man, CHILL OUT! It's just an internet forum. Post what you know. There are no "right" or "wrong" opinions, just different experiences.

 

I hate to tell you this, but if you're serious about "never wanting to party in Kentucky" because of my lifestyle experiences here, you're going to have to add California, Oregon (Ah, Jubitz!), Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, New York, both Carolinas (North and South), Georgia, Florida, Jamaica and the Bahamas to the list as well. Arizona misses on a technicality, but if "Mother Nature" cooperates, West Virginia could be on the list before the week is out.

 

Better add the cruise ship "Carnival Ecstacy" and American Airlines to the list too. Well, American Airlines 767's at least. Sorry I can't be more specific, but I didn't catch the tail # as we departed the jetway.

 

In fact, you probably ought to quit swinging altogether, because with just a little searching, I'm sure you would find people everywhere whose experiences, and therefore their opinions, are different from yours.

 

In the meantime, relax, and share with us why YOU feel that you and the Mrs. have such a hard time finding a couple that is attracted to you both.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Getting back to the original question, I think Curious has a good point. We have discussed this as well, and have read some stories on this board about 3 somes gone bad...they were doozies too.

 

We've only been with couples thus far, and while I do have a fantasy about possibly MFM I wouldn't ever ask the wife of another couple to sit one out lol. As for the other suggestions, I would much prefer to deal with someone from a swing club or internet swing site as opposed to a regular bar. I would think the problems your worried about are much more likely from a place like that. Besides, swingers are professionals

 

Mrs LOL

[destin-ez 15]

Geez, is it my imagination or what? Seems like some of the regulars are getting so F'n uptight these days?!?!? Maybe it's the weather or something?

 

Well, just our experiences so far......we've done a spur of the moment MFM, well thought out MFM's and ongoing MFM's with my best buddy. All have worked out OK, but nothing spectacular.

 

That being said, we're now working towards 4 sums with other couples. The 4 sums so far, have been more difficult only because we've just started I guess and it's more difficult to get 4 people on the same page as it is with only 3. My biggest concern is the single male becoming predatory or developing feelings towards the Mrs. and the 4 sums situations seem to safer in this way?

 

However, we'll continue working on both, simply because they are btoh appealing to us right now. Good luck, hope this helps.

 

Now, I'm going to propose a truce between Vegas and JNCC...... Surrender

[valley 25]

Our swinging interest is MFM,on a mutual basis.He has no interest in another woman.His primary interest is watching me have sex.Thats it.He watches,he enjoys.He does join in .Not every time.Sometimes its for a long time .Sometimes its only briefly.At all times I am mindful to make sure he can see all the action.At all times I will respond to his desires to see me do something.....to change from one position to another,to move from oral sex to vaginal,from position to position.

 

It sounds like he is being dominant ,but he isnt really.It's his request,and he would not ask if it was going to spoil a moment.Often he will not say a word.Because we are so close and blend so well together,and the fact that we choose carefully and lay down the ground rules equally carefully,we have had only one less than satisfying encounter in 12 months.

 

As for another woman for him,he has no interest.I have offered many times.No...he is not interested...even seeing one with me...which doesnt interest me anyway,I have suggested him watch another couple.Sure, that would be nice ,but whats the point if I am there ....it's me he would rather see in action.

 

As to finding suitable male partners,believe me,that is easy. There is no shortage of men only too keen to screw another man's wife.Certainly, there those a bit reluctant to do so in front of the husband,but if he's broadminded and happy to discuss it,its easy to lay the ground rules ,to let an understanding develop.

 

Single men work for us,give us that incredible boost of sheer lust,that works time and time again,anytime, anywhere.For us ,there is so much to enjoy about it,unless you have done it you would find it hard to believe.It's hard to describe the feelings I have,watching my husband the watcher.Looking at him I see why I am enjoying the sex.Damn....does that make sense?

[JnCC 24]

i think our only concern is what if the 3rd gets or tries to get emotionally involved....?we know we would have to cut the string real fast...

any others have a problem with a 3rd getting a bid to close.(other than sex)

thx again

j&p

Questions of "insecurity, jealousy, and self-esteem" aside, your concerns are the reason I would avoid a third...especially a male third.

 

Yes, you're hearing me correctly...I wouldn't invite me to screw my wife if I were me.

 

You mentioned in your initial post that you had "been through many of the lows that come with marriage," but have "stuck together no matter what...and [been] very happy [the last] 5 years" That's not unusual...ALL marriages go through "ups and downs," some worse than others. The problem, as I see it, is "who do you go to when your spouse is being a big fat butthead?"

 

For many women, the answer is... "to somebody you already share a (somewhat) intimate relationship with...especially if it's a relationship that encompasses sex."

 

I know that's not how it's supposed to be. I'm just telling you how it sometimes turns out. (Everywhere except Las Vegas, apparently. I guess the basic rules governing human relationships don't apply there). When we need comfort or sympathy, we often turn towards those who have provided comfort or sympathy in the past. (That's why dog-handlers NEVER allow anybody else to feed their animals) Ideally, when we're unhappy, we turn to our spouse. But when they're not talking to us...

 

The guy can get caught up in all this too, no matter how well-meaning or neutral he tries to be. For example, he might receive a private message from the wife at her workplace, from which he learns that they're feudin' and a-fussin'. Although he tries to stay out of it, he soon realizes that if he doesn't offer some degree of support to her, he's going straight to the bottom of her shit-list for appearing unsympathetic and uncaring. If he does offer her a few kind words of support, he risks becoming the asshole for going behind the husbands back. Either way, he's an asshole to somebody. Which one probably doesn't matter, because he's going to be "off their list" either way.

 

True, the male half of a couple has as much potential to undermine another couple as a single male does. BUT...he also has a wife that will usually keep him in line to some extent. In fact, when it's another couple who's involved, it's not unusual for the other wife to be the primary outlet for voicing frustrations in a marriage.

 

I've been an eyewitness to all this on more than a few occasions. Considering how small a part single males actually play in the lifestyle, the numbers are somewhat alarming. Yes, there are couples who have been doing MFM's for many years (and without exploiting it for financial gain) and who rarely have a problem with them. But then, Robbie Kneivel has been performing stupifying motorcycle jumps for many years, and he rarely has a problem with them, either.

 

This is just my perspective as a single guy, and nothing more. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

[valley 25]

Further to my earlier post,I would point out that it's my decision with whom we have sex,and that I desire swinging as much as he,my husband, does.It seems tho' that too many people seem to complicate things....to 'overthink' the situation.To advise anyone to 'keep it simple',makes sense to me.

 

Swinging is about sex.....isn't it? Well, that's all it is to us.Sex and fun.To be honest,we get hot even talking about it,but we don't bother analysing it.It is just there,it exists for our pleasure.We are mature and wise enough to know what we are doing.Our male partners would know too.....that we were there only for the fun,thats all.Take it or leave it.

 

So if you want to swing,find the way you want to and get about doing it that suits you both,and give your mind a rest from the 'possibles and probables'.

[Chandler 16]

curiouscpl72

 

What I’ve learned over the years is patience, and keeping your ears open. I’m single now, love MFM’s too, and on the flipside of the coin, find it very difficult as well to find couples. And to find those couples who haven’t been burned, or get put off by the stupid egotistical idiots, who ruined it for me. All I can say is don’t give up, and keep the communication lines open. All of my experiences have been good, thankfully due to meeting with some couples first with my girlfriend, and over time learned the edicts of talking with people to make sure tensions stay at a minimum. I agree with some of you, getting to know the couple first is important before jumping in. Although, meeting someone on a whim, and gaining enough rapport to have sex within a half hour was very exciting. It all depends on comfort level and talking about boundaries before doing the ‘everything goes’ leap. I can’t offer any specific instructions, because every couple was different, but what worked for me was having a one-on-one talk with either the wife or the husband, to go over likes, dislikes, Do’s and Don’ts, because the talk with both of you, still had some tensions, and the one-on-one was a bit more personal. Then communicate back to your spouse on what was said.

 

I see that everyone isn’t close to me or I’d extend and invitation, but there are single guys like me who are looking for couples like all of you. Good Luck!

Chandler

[Darkane 18]

My wife and I are both bi, and we have been extremely lucky in arranging FFM and MMF, and although we have had about 90% good times across the board, I have to admit, the MMF has been far less hassle.

We are very selective, we take our time, and usually everything works out fine. But on occassion the women get out of line and break the rules. The men have been far more respectful and easier to talk with about sexual situations, at least in our experience. All that said though, our worst encounter to date was with another guy, who turned out to be looking for mom and dad more than a couple to have sex with, lol, he was a freak.

 

There have been times where in the FFM situation I am not to have sex with the other woman, and there are times in the MMF where my wife is not to have sex with the other man. (By sex I mean penetration/intercourse.) And times where the other guy isn't bi so I didn't have sex with him. As you can tell, my wife and I are flexible, these situations have usually occurred because the person we have brought in has a hangup, not because we do.

 

Another note, we usually don't go to clubs, events, or the like. We tend to pick people out and get to know them, you could call it stalking I guess lol

All in all, it is a bit easier to find a man who's willing than a woman who's willing.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

after reading here a little we decided to post.we agree with valley unless you have done it ya just cant describe the encounter.mrs. fun was totaly against it because she thaught it would make her feel degraded.untill the first time... a whole new sexual world opened. we have friends we play with(couples) and we are up front that mrs.fun loves it but its not mandatory. its been imposible for me to just watch mrs.fun with another man with out jumping in knowing her desires. she makes shure to do the things i like also.so far out of several we have only had one bad experiance and it was the guys mouth that ruined it not the sex.we have had a chance to meet single men on line but there are safety issues that havent been met. we did however meet a single guy at a party last weekend that met all the requirements. plain and simple he was a gentelman very respectfull of both of us and the lifestyle.dont anticapate any troubles. my thaughts mr.fun

 

now here is mrs.funs thaughts,

i enjoy the feeling of having 2 men because i like all of the attention,it makes me feel sexy. i like the turn on that i see mr.fun getting out of it.i have the security that mr.fun dosent have jelousy issues with this and i can live out the fantasy freely and enjoyable. i couldnt do this without mr.fun because he is watching out for me at all times, he keeps things safe that couldnt happen with someone i didnt know well.he is my guard dog if need be. some men can overstep their boundries in the vanilla world.most of all i guess its the security with mr.fun. im with valley you just cant explain it untill you have tried it.WOW

[curiouscpl72 48]

ok all

1st mmf in a marriage and we are both on cloud 9.our advice to all find a decent respectful man. who will respect limits and all will be well. we just got home from our 1st mmf in marriage and can't wait to do again...and again....and again........

good luck in all your adventures

j&p

[heart13210 15]

If u having for fun and enjoyment, there is no limit either u doing MMF or MFF

[janaandjames 24]

Single men work for us,give us that incredible boost of sheer lust,that works time and time again,anytime, anywhere\\

 

We agree with this ... we do the mfm most of the time,

doesnt happen often, but we like to meet someone at a bar or whatever, and "let" her be seduced ...

the key moment is when he finds out its gonna be a threesome ... some do turn us down when they find that out, but we enjoy it.

 

the main thing is, everyone has to be comfortable and happy.

 

james

[WesternSwing 504]

ok all

1st mmf in a marriage and we are both on cloud 9.our advice to all find a decent respectful man. who will respect limits and all will be well. we just got home from our 1st mmf in marriage and can't wait to do again...and again....and again........

good luck in all your adventures

j&p

Woohoo! Glad to hear you had a great time! Good luck in your future adventures!

 

Mr. WS

[MrXxotic 18]

We swing almost exclusively MFM now. We are still open to couples and single women (yeah right) but have found it much easier and a lot less drama to hook up with a single guy for a night of fun. We have met guys online, in swing clubs, and at vanilla bars and never had a problem. Most have been one night stands but a few became steady f*ck buddies for a while. The thing to remember with a single guy is he may be there for fun but he is probably still looking for a relationship. Be prepared to let him go without notice.