SLS Certification - Etiquette Question

[2jersey 16]

We are fairly new on SLS, but we have recently/already hooked up with a couple on the site - and we now have a certification to show for it. We like the certification, because it seems to give us some credibility among more experienced couples - but the side effects of being certified are becoming more and more apparent.

 

Yesterday, we got a message from a nice attractive couple who had viewed our profile, and we proceeded to chat with them online. In the middle of the chat, they asked us point blank "so, you know 'John and Jane'?" (these being the names of the couple who had certified us). We tried to avoid the question, but they persisted by pointing to our certification - and they proceeded to explain that they have been in online discussions with 'John and Jane' and were expecting to setup a meeting with them.

 

So, our questions are: Is there a proper etiquette associated with SLS certifications? We realized, of course, that people could follow the link in our certification and see who we had been with - but we never expected to be confronted with this information by another couple. Was the couple which confronted us regarding our certification justified in doing so? Or were they behaving rudely and demonstrating a lack of discretion?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

2jersey said:

So, our questions are: Is there a proper etiquette associated with SLS certifications? We realized, of course, that people could follow the link in our certification and see who we had been with - but we never expected to be confronted with this information by another couple. Was the couple which confronted us regarding our certification justified in doing so? Or were they behaving rudely and demonstrating a lack of discretion?

The situation you are dealing with is precisely why we do not accept nor give certifications to other members.

 

Once someone has certified you (or you them) it is presumed you have played, and chances are that you have. This information is made known to everyone on SLS.

 

When so many swingers talk of the importance of discretion, this policy of being certified by other members has always seemed contrary to a policy of etiquette and discretion in the lifestyle that we value.

 

If the time comes when meeting swingers that you discover you've both met the same people, you can tactfully acknowledge this, you can share what you feel comfortable sharing with only them, not the entire ad site. Simply saying, we did meet, or we had fun at the club, is all that you may feel comfortable revealing. Or you may even say, we prefer not to discuss who we meet. The courtesy of discretion is still in place. At these meetings you'll learn how much others like to share about their play partners. Do they talk too much? This could be a red flag. If you swing with them you may be the next topic of their next meet up with swingers.

 

We put no value in certifications, other than the one SLS Admin will provide its members. Check that option out.

 

As far as the couple who asked about 'John and Jane' during your chat, I think it was improper and tasteless of them. I also think they're fishing for information that is none of their business. But then, some people are that casual. It may be perfectly natural for them. You have to decide if you're comfortable with it. And from what you wrote, I don't think you are.

[djjwp 129]

Agghhhh our pet peeve!

 

We ask NOT to be certified. We see who the bed jumpers are and enjoy the fact we can avoid them. It also keeps us from getting labeled as bed jumpers or having to answer what someone else is like, we feel if you want to know them, contact them. We also value discretion VERY much. Not being certified grants you plausible deniability if someone you know puts things together and finds you. It also frees you up to contact those who trip your trigger w/o getting bothered by others seeking you who you do not want to hook up with.

 

When we have certified someone, it’s because they did not mind and we have asked if they want it. We certify they are “contactable” not that we have been bed buddies.

 

The down side is we have been on SLS for sometime without certification and many now consider us to be just out looking at pictures so there is a downside as well. Oh well, their issue, not ours.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

djjwp said:

The down side is we have been on SLS for sometime without certification and many now consider us to be just out looking at pictures so there is a downside as well. Oh well, their issue, not ours.

I'm curious. How have people accused you of "just out looking at pictures?"

 

If they honestly thought that, because you didn't have a certification from a member, why would they even contact you if they truly felt this way?

 

Their assumption seems lame. Can you explain how and at what point they express this to you?

[djjwp 129]

Had a couple call us picture collectors after we tryed contacting them. They said we should have been certified by that point. We looked at each other and went "next".

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

djjwp said:

Had a couple call us picture collectors after we tried contacting them. They said we should have been certified by that point. We looked at each other and went "next".

 

If this has only happened once, I'd not be concerned. Sometimes people find the cleverest ways of letting us know we were fortunate to have never met them.

[WesternSwing 504]

If asked we just say "yeah, we know them" and leave it at that. If they persist on grilling us for information we just tell them that we don't talk about others just like we wouldn't about them.

[meandher2go 17]

We were contacted once on SLS by a couple who mentioned that we have a few similar certs on the site and maybe we might click with them too. I will admit, they are probably right in thinking that and we WILL meet them based on that and the fact we find them attractive.

 

but it is weird I guess.

 

We use certs for making a little more sure the other couple is real and if you look into those certs, we feel we MIGHT be able to tell a little more about the couple we might want to meet. It is NOT a science, but it has worked real well for us so far.

 

like WesternSwing said, we'd only admit to knowing a particular couple, we'd NEVER give any details, dates, times etc....

[Jester 15]

Got to agree with Westernswing here a basic yea we know them should suffice and then move on in the chat. If they don't move on that would be a red flag for us and we would question the reason for the contact, was it to get to know us or check the references of the other couple? A question we would probably point blank ask if they persisted on pursuing it.

 

The certs can be helpful as pointed out by meandher2go, but they are not a topic of discussion with other couples, at least for us.

 

We would lean towards the lack of discretion on their part as they told you they looking to meet with X & Y and then a little rudeness mixed in when they didn't let you move off the topic.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Here's an interesting thread I located that you might enjoy reading. It has a variety of views to consider:

 

Certifications on Online Ads

[reed&diana 17]

We like the certs. By checking out the people who have given them certs, it can give us an idea of if we will fit in. I mean if their profile says to age 50 and all their certs are from couples under 25, it can make you wonder. If we find a cert from someone we know that tells us something.

 

But they should be general, "we spend some time with them and we enjoyed them". No one, in a cert, email, or whatever should get into how another person is in bed.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

This is from our profile on CT.

 

"Our thoughts on validations - we don't expect them. If you know us, you know they are not necessary."

 

Certifications/validations are nothing more in our area but a who's who and the clichés you hang with. Oh and some of our worst dates have been with couples who are certified.

[havefuninsun 122]

We don't like them; we've asked others not to add them, we have no intention of leaving them for others. Discretion, discretion, discretion. Even in the 'vanilla' world I was never into kissing and telling. However, I can see how others may have had bad experiences with those pretending to be someone they're not.

 

If we're asked about past experiences, we're happy to share -- but don't feel like we have to give great details. Like, "have you guys ever been with another couple?" "as a matter of fact, we have. We had a lot of fun." No names, etc. But it's enough information for the couple we're talking to to guage if they want to keep chatting and meet.

 

I can see both sides of the coin, but the discretion thing is very important to us.

[honeybee77 15]

We have one certification on SLS. I thought it would be neat to "prove" we were real live people, someone had actually seen us in real life. I read someone can be certified by a phone conversation or webcam, as well.

 

I'm neutral about certifications; in some small way it might provide someone proof that a member is real ... there are so many fakes online, so much drama. We've evolved over time, hubby & I, our rules for playing include strict discretion. We have met a lot of people who want to know EVERYTHING about us, every detail. They want friends, long term relationships, who can get together, with their kids, pal around, and party/play on a regular basis. But we're still in the stage where we need childcare when we want to go out. Therefore, our playtime is irregular. WE are all right with that; and have kept in touch with many who understand.

 

Also, we both are not interested in revealing all of our personal information up front, if at all... Some people love to exchange phone numbers and regular email addresses and names. We prefer chatting back and forth, webcamming ... or meeting up at an event, a restaurant ... something like that. We've heard of so many online though that dont' like to chat, or one of them is just too busy for chatting online; so it doesn't happen.

 

Personally, with homeschooling kids and hubby working, I have very little blocks of time I can have a steady phone conversation. Different people swing differently. I prefer to let someone know up front about our desire for being discreet. Some find that strange and back away, and some identify with that. It's neat to see the differences.

[2jersey 16]

Out initial question about certifications wasn’t completely open-ended – so we probably foreshadowed our belief that certifications, despite whatever benefits they provide, are an infringement on privacy, and that it is rude to ask others to comment regarding their certifications (and the people who have provided them).

 

Fortunately, (in the instance cited in our initial post) we were wise enough to not reveal any information about the people who had certified us – although we did acknowledge having met them. This experience has colored our views of the couple who asked us about our certification, yet we aren’t ready to conclude that we won’t meet them in the future (overall, we are attracted to them).

 

Based on comments on this thread (and the other thread which was referenced), it appears that most people dislike the SLS certification system - although some people acknowledge the usefulness. Rightly or wrongly, we have been guilty of looking at SLS certifications and we have considered these certifications in trying to form an initial impression of potential playmates. Going forward, it seems logical for us to continue to consider certifications (when available) - but we will be less skeptical regarding the people who have no certifications (because we now recognize that these people may have declined certifications to protect their privacy and preserve “deniability”.)

 

A separate point related to “deniability” (a great word which we so seldom get to use in a sentence) is that the personal commentary included in a certification can range from extremely vague (as it probably should be) to very detailed. In our case, the certification we received is a bit too specific for us to preserve deniability – we are identified using our first name initials, certain aspects of our meeting are described, and the certifying couple even implies that they intend to play with us again in the future (which is not something we have ever discussed with them). Perhaps they won’t be offended if we ask them to edit our certification to make it less descriptive?

[TLO7777 15]

Does everyone realise that they can remove/delete any certification that they are uncomfortable with for any reason?

 

From the SLS FAQ section under "tools"...

 

Can I remove/delete a certification?

Yes, you can remove a certification that you have left a user or one that someone has left you. Click the "Tools" button on the left menu and then click the "Certifications" link. You will see a list of certifications that you have left and that users have left you and you can click on the "Remove" or "Delete" links under the corresponding certification to delete it.

 

So, you have complete control over your own profile... even the certifications. If you're uncomfortable with how any certification reflects upon you or your "deniability" just remove it.

 

So unless I'm missing something, this takes care of the negative concerns while leaving the advantages that many seem to appreciate.

 

Perhaps this feature just needs to be better promoted to members.

 

Dante

--

Of YoungMauiCouple at SLS (who has no certifications and therefore wants to steal your pics, IM and email you incessantly, and then stand you up! )

[LICouple4u 15]

We have a few certifications on SLS of people we've met, never thought that people would think we played with them.. hmmm... interesting perspective.

 

When we give a certification/validation (depending what site you are on) we usually say that we met the couple recently, they were great to talk to, dance with, etc and they are great to talk with. As with others, we are BIG into the no kissing and telling and tend to feel VERY uncomfortable when we know who is playing with who... Definitely lessens the playing field for us.

[Chicup 41]

We used to be 100% anti-certification for a lot of the reasons listed above. My main one, was what to do if a couple we met and didn't care for wanted to certify us. We didn't want to offend them but at the same time we didn't want others to think they were 'our type'. Also the whole bed post notcher etc idea didn't appeal to us as well.

 

Long story short we changed our minds a bit and we have been certified by two couples we really do like. If that gives others the idea of what we are looking for and like to hang out with, then all the better because it IS what we are looking for.

 

As a side note a member who has not been certified yet has been on SLS for a number of years does raise a red flag with me. We have run into picture collectors before.

[JnCC 24]

Is there a proper etiquette associated with SLS certifications?

Yeah...don't do 'em! Don't believe 'em either. What the hell difference does it make what somebody else thinks about somebody? Maybe they're both flakes...

 

What YOU think about them is the only thing that matters, and you have to meet them in person to form any thoughts about that.

 

"Certifications" might work for high-end used cars, but when it comes to meeting people, I prefer to draw my own conclusions.

 

When so many swingers talk of the importance of discretion, this policy of being certified by other members has always seemed contrary to a policy of etiquette and discretion in the lifestyle that we value.

'Nuff said...

[2jersey 16]

TLO7777 said:

Does everyone realize that they can remove/delete any certification that they are uncomfortable with for any reason?

 

From the SLS FAQ section under "tools"...

 

So, you have complete control over your own profile... even the certifications. If you're uncomfortable with how any certification reflects upon you or your "deniability" just remove it.

 

So unless I'm missing something, this takes care of the negative concerns while leaving the advantages that many seem to appreciate.

 

Perhaps this feature just needs to be better promoted to members.

 

We can't speak for everyone, but we know that certifications on SLS can be refused or deleted. We had no difficulty interpreting the information posted on SLS - it should be clear to most people.

 

But we are not wanting to have our certification deleted, we would prefer to have it edited (to remove certain content). Correct us if we are wrong, but if someone was to delete a certification which they provided and resubmit a new certification with different wording, they will have, in effect, 'edited' the certification.

 

In our case, we believe the advantages of being certified by this particular couple outweigh the disadvantages. But we would like them to remove the sexual references and remove our initials. This desire occurred to us after we had already approved the initial certification. We don't think this couple will have a problem making the changes which we seek, but if they refuse, we will delete the certification entirely.

 

To your points, LICouple4u: There is nothing wrong, in our opinion, with having someone certify that they met us socially and and believe us to be genuine and pleasant people. And we don't believe that merely having a certification implies that we have played with the certifier. But if the certifier's commentary suggests that we have played, people will naturally assume this to be the case. Correct?

[The Fuse 1,012]

We have two certifications. They are definitely a double-edged sword, but I like them. They show we're real and that people have enjoyed our company, as others on this thread have mentioned. A couple of negative surprises came after receiving the first one, which was pretty interesting.

 

Some people appear to use a couple's certifications as a barometer of what kind of people they are interested in. That would be a mistake in our case, because we are interested in many types of people. Along with having fun sex with playmates, we want to spend time with people we might not have friendships with otherwise. Isn't part of the point to expand our horizons? Why should anyone be surprised I've slept with someone of a different race, social class, age group, educational level or nationality? If they don't like it, and don't take the trouble to at least ask me about it, chances are I won't like them anyway.

 

So by the same token, if the source of someone's certification is a surprise to me, I just think the certified couple is possibly more interesting for it. Now, if their cert comes from someone who is cheating, or a felon, etc. then I know they don't mind enabling someone like that and would be less likely to be interested.

 

Our first certification does say something that makes clear that we had sex. Maybe I wish the guy hadn't been quite so clear, but it was a nice thing to write and I will take it in the spirit in which it was offered...our choices were to accept the cert, refuse it, or ask him to edit it. Mr. Fuse and I decided it was all right as it was. If anyone is surprised that I've slept with someone I met through SLS, I'm bemused .

 

That one drew two negative reactions from people my husband and I were talking with at the time. One seemed to think she was going to "catch ugly" from the guy, which packed a lot of insult (to me as well as to the guy) into a few words, and we haven't seen them since. One was focused on the size of his (large) equipment--yes, you know who you are! . Even though I felt a little taken aback by these comments, it helped me get to know the people making them.

 

I actually asked my playmate to take down the cock shot after that, as it wasn't flattering anyway. He did, and said they immediately started "getting emails like crazy" , and thanked me.

 

I have to admit, I asked for our second cert. We don't need more than one, of course. But the second one is from a couple more potential playmates might feel are the "right kind of people". I feel the pressure too.

 

As to discretion, if someone certifies us then they wanted to be associated with us. If we accept the certification, then we were fine with it too. So by definition, we agree we are fine with people knowing about us. We would politely decline if we felt otherwise. If someone doesn't like who we've seen, I'm willing to bet their attitude wouldn't suit me anyway.

 

So they are a mixed bag. Perhaps someone on this thread has an idea for how SLS could better handle certifications? There might be a better way, but it's not obvious to me.

[Chicup 41]

Just as a side note.

 

We had far better "luck" with certified couples than non-certified couples on SLS. Even if it didn't work out, they were all 'real' couples.

 

Less flakes and fakes. Its not perfect but it does help.

[good times 991]

I agree with Chicup, in fact, after many years on SLS we have noticed that one of the first things we now look to see is if someone is certified. I hate to say it but most of the uncertified people that have contacted us have turned out to be a waste of time, not always, but usually. This doesn't mean we will not reply to uncertified people but we do it much more causiously and with much less expectation than we do with certified members. Funny thing is we rarely actually read the certifications, it is just important to us that they have some and it really is an indication of the genuineness of the couple in our opinion.

 

As far as your original question goes though, we would only say that yes we had met the couple in question but wouldn't give them any other information about them. While I guess their is nothing really wrong with them asking about the other couple that certified you, it seems in bad taste to do that to me.

[havefuninsun 122]

So they are a mixed bag. Perhaps someone on this thread has an idea for how SLS could better handle certifications? There might be a better way, but it's not obvious to me.

 

Someone mentioned this in an earlier posting, but I can't find it now (or I could just be making this up, but I don't think so ...) -- what if the Cert's were not linked back to a couple? What if they were left anonymously ONLY?

 

This would serve the purpose of folks able to "vouch" that a couple is a genuine, looking to play couple, as well as help those of us who are over the top with discretion. And, as an aside, I'd say the certifications that aren't as specific are better anyway. Me and my "kissin' and tellin'" issues.

 

Mrs. Fuse -- isn't it interesting what folks get hung up on?? (Frankly, I don't understand that either) (no pun intended, of course ...)

[The Fuse 1,012]

Someone mentioned this in an earlier posting, but I can't find it now (or I could just be making this up, but I don't think so ...) -- what if the Cert's were not linked back to a couple? What if they were left anonymously ONLY?

 

Hmmm....well, nah.... In my opinion this would dilute the "certain-ness" of certifications. Sort of like seeing a quote from an anonymous source.

 

It's already easy to certify oneself by creating a new free account, and having that look the same as a reliable certification. If certifications were anonymous, it would be too complicated for my poor little brain to think about.

 

This would serve the purpose of folks able to "vouch" that a couple is a genuine, looking to play couple, as well as help those of us who are over the top with discretion. And, as an aside, I'd say the certifications that aren't as specific are better anyway. Me and my "kissin' and tellin'" issues.

 

As an aside, I do like knowing whether a couple is very concerned that we don't talk about them at all. That way I know for sure, and simply won't do it--beyond maybe mentioning we've met a couple if their handle comes up.

 

People do talk about each other, more than I would have thought. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in middle school. I try to end those conversations fairly fast, because frankly they're not interesting to me and do make me uncomfortable, even when those being talked about are very open about their swinging.

 

So for the original poster, yes, we have accepted certifications and written them. But we still balk if asked for details about people we know, or if asked who we're talking to. I won't even give certain details about my husband. Whoever wants to know can ask him.

 

Mrs. Fuse -- isn't it interesting what folks get hung up on?? (Frankly, I don't understand that either) (no pun intended, of course ...)

 

Heh.

[JnCC 24]

Gee, I'm starting to wonder if I'm "real" or not.

 

I just got off the phone with somebody who is a member of both SB and SLS. She specifically requests (as I do) that people she meets through either site NOT certify her. We both know what we're looking for, and we both feel our profiles are pretty specific about the kinds of people we'd like to meet, as well as those we feel are not well-suited to our tastes. Knowing that "so-and-so" had a relationship with "such-and-such" wouldn't make either of them attractive to us if they weren't already. Mentioning it on a public website, however would most likely have the opposite effect.

 

Besides, who certifies the certifiers?

 

Internet profiles don't write themselves...there's a flesh-and-blood person behind every profile, and every posting, you see on the internet. Most are pretty accurate depictions of the people who post them. Occasionally, you'll run across a fake or phony, but they're easy to weed out. It usually takes nothing more than a short phone call to do it. But even in a "worst-case" example, that is, you meet somebody who is totally the opposite of what they say they are, how much have you really invested in them anyway? An hour, and the price of a couple rounds of drinks?

 

Geeze...if that's a problem, meet 'em on a weekday, during happy hour.

 

It amazes me how willing some people are, to let total strangers determine who is "worthy" of meeting and who is not.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Gee, I'm starting to wonder if I'm "real" or not.

 

Well now, you know you don't have to worry about that on this board. Folks here know how real you are.

 

I just got off the phone with somebody who is a member of both SB and SLS. She specifically requests (as I do) that people she meets through either site NOT certify her. We both know what we're looking for, and we both feel our profiles are pretty specific about the kinds of people we'd like to meet, as well as those we feel are not well-suited to our tastes. Knowing that "so-and-so" had a relationship with "such-and-such" wouldn't make either of them attractive to us if they weren't already. Mentioning it on a public website, however would most likely have the opposite effect.

 

To each their own.

 

Besides, who certifies the certifiers?

 

Internet profiles don't write themselves...there's a flesh-and-blood person behind every profile, and every posting, you see on the internet. Most are pretty accurate depictions of the people who post them. Occasionally, you'll run across a fake or phony, but they're easy to weed out. It usually takes nothing more than a short phone call to do it. But even in a "worst-case" example, that is, you meet somebody who is totally the opposite of what they say they are, how much have you really invested in them anyway? An hour, and the price of a couple rounds of drinks?

 

Geeze...if that's a problem, meet 'em on a weekday, during happy hour.

 

It amazes me how willing some people are, to let total strangers determine who is "worthy" of meeting and who is not.

 

We've written to uncertified people, just for that reason. Our own judgement determines whether we're interested in someone. Certifications are at best a small part of what helps us form a judgement. (Most of the time we don't even notice whether they are certified.) If someone's profile looks real and interesting, and they're not certified, we just assume it's because they didn't want to be. Almost anything else about the profile is more important--especially since, as you pointed out, the certifiers are strangers too.

[2jersey 16]

So for the original poster, yes, we have accepted certifications and written them. But we still balk if asked for details about people we know, or if asked who we're talking to. I won't even give certain details about my husband. Whoever wants to know can ask him.

 

We appreciate your thoughtfulness Mrs. Fuse. It makes perfect sense that you should not answer detailed questions regarding your husband - we are going to add that to our personal protocol (we already know not to answer questions about others). Personally, we find it distasteful when one member of a couple handles all of the online communications and claims to speak for their mate. We expect each individual to speak for his/herself.

[meandher2go 17]

I can't imagine anyone having a hard time with being asked to "adjust" the cert they left for ya. especially if it was initials and more exact statements that you'd rather NOT be there.

 

Just ask the couple politely to change it or send them a revised cert and ask them to re-do it.

 

it SHOULD NOT be a problem.

[Chicup 41]

Quote

and every posting, you see on the internet. Most are pretty accurate depictions of the people who post them. Occasionally, you'll run across a fake or phony, but they're easy to weed out.

 

Most are in fact pretty accurate but a very large minority are not, we know, we have encountered to many to count.

 

Quote

It usually takes nothing more than a short phone call to do it. But even in a "worst-case" example, that is, you meet somebody who is totally the opposite of what they say they are, how much have you really invested in them anyway? An hour, and the price of a couple rounds of drinks?

 

You don't need a baby sitter, we do, so we invest more than a couple of hours, we invest quite a bit of time and energy to get out of the house sans child.

 

Quote

Geeze...if that's a problem, meet 'em on a weekday, during happy hour.

 

Family guy again.

 

Quote

It amazes me how willing some people are, to let total strangers determine who is "worthy" of meeting and who is not.

 

Who said that? Do we look for certs, yep, do we look at who did the certing, yep, but the people with the profile are the ones accepting or not accepting it.

 

I'm a busy guy, my wife is a busy gal, we have only so much time to devote to playing. A cert increases the odds that it won't be a fake, so we like them. Thanks for your usual hostility though If YOU don't like certs fine don't use them, we will to help sort it out a bit, if [/if] that's ok with you of course.

[NandTfromCA 84]

Concerning the questions about your other friends- We have no problem with acknowledging friends of ours but it would raise a red flag if someone kept pressing us for details.

 

Concerning certifications- We wrestled with the cert question too. As djjwp highlighted, people might think we are bed jumpers. We came to realize that we are what we are (prudes or sluts...depending who you ask). In addition to meeting interesting couples and making new friends, we like to fuck other people. If a certification proves that, and that fact turns someone off, then perfect…we probably aren’t compatible anyway...maybe they are in this just for the fun outfits you get to wear.

 

 

honeybee77 said:

It's neat to see the differences.

Amen to that! There are plenty of different personalities for everyone to meet the people they want to. You like certs?…find people with certs. You hate certs?…find people without them. You don’t really care if someone has certs or not?…now you have a really nice big playing field.

 

Happy swinging!

[JnCC 24]

I'm a busy guy, my wife is a busy gal, we have only so much time to devote to playing. A cert increases the odds that it won't be a fake, so we like them. Thanks for your usual hostility though If YOU don't like certs fine don't use them, we will to help sort it out a bit, if [/if] thats ok with you of course.

I don't think anybody's trying to change how you go about meeting new people. I know I'm not. I'm just saying why I don't put much faith into testimonials unless I know who's doing the testifying. There's way too much personal drama that goes on behind the scenes of all this to make them of any value to me.

 

It wasn't my intent to be hostile, but I am concerned that the practice of "certifiying" people will ultimately devolve into a popularity contest wherein good people who choose to exercise some discretion will be suspected of being "phonies...fakes, and picture collectors." Besides, it seems somewhat self-defeating to take as "proof" that someone on the internet is "real," the "certification" of yet someone else on the internet.

 

If somebody is getting so many phonies responding to their ads that they feel the need to put more emphasis on certifications, then I guess they have to do it. Maybe I'm just jaded because it wasn't that big a problem for us as a couple, or for me now, as a single.

 

FWIW...the company I work for rarely interviews applicants for my position that haven't been personally recomended by one or more people already in that position. I've always felt that was somewhat short-sighted on their part, because it causes them to overlook many outstanding would-be applicants while granting special preference in hiring to some who turn out to be borderline incompetents...but who know the right people. I don't care...as long as it doesn't take anything out of my paycheck, they can base their hiring decisions on whatever criteria they choose. The same applies to how other people choose their playmates.

 

BTW...I wonder if some of those "picture collectors" that people are so worried about, actually ARE couples who, after receiving another couples pics and not feeling any attraction to them, simply neglect to return their own? Just a thought...

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Without mentioning names there is a couple on CT who has over 100 validations and it's common knowledge they don't swing. This is not an isolated case either. With the current fad being the LS way to many people are in this just to be hip. To each his own on how you choose your playmates but in the end it's still a roll of the dice if there is a connection.

[WesternSwing 504]

Sweet_Candy said:

Without mentioning names there is a couple on CT who has over 100 validations and it's common knowledge they don't swing. This is not an isolated case either. With the current fad being the LS way to many people are in this just to be hip. To each his own on how you choose your playmates but in the end it's still a roll of the dice if there is a connection.

 

This is exactly what I was talking about in a thread earlier about the caste system. In Utah this seems to be very prevalent amongst the 20-something crowd that is tired of the regular club scene so they attend swingers off-premise parties. You see them on the sites (especially Swingular) and they all have their "friends" lists interconnected and they hang-out together at the club, never venturing beyond their "friends" list. You never see them at house parties in the area. It gives them something to brag about during the week "Wow, you should have seen the party we went to Saturday. There were girls kissing girls..." It is actually kind of amusing to watch them.

[Tybee Swing 286]

We didn't care much for SLS when we tried it, due to the certifications. It just felt creepy to us - indiscreet.

 

We've found many couples in clubs to be just as indiscreet, or moreso. For example, you're sitting and chatting with Couple A, and then Couple B arrives - you hug and exchange friendly greetings, obviously you know each other. How well is nobody's business, but Couple A will often start drilling for more details on how well you know them!

 

What's up with people?? Many of these are folks who are not new to the Lifestyle, either.

[kandr2000 15]

Ok,we are new to SLS and haven't hooked up with anyone, yet. We have sent and received emails and wish the process was a little faster. We do look at certifications because some of these couples seem WAY out of our league. We are just down to earth, working class. And are not KEN and BARBIE (I HATE seeing HWP) Anyways, as far as not trying out anyone without certifications, just realize that there really are people out there that are real and wanting to meet you. Just like EBAY everyone starts out at "0".

[Darter02 15]

WOW, what a lengthy thread!

 

I have always liked the certifications myself. I never saw them as a way of knowing who has slept with whom. That just seems just too juvenile an attitude to me.

 

Here is how I use them myself. I shoot a lot of erotica for local couples and a few single people. Some of them use the images on their online SLS ad, some just for their personal usage. It varies greatly.

 

I ask, but do not expect, for a certification telling people about their experience working with me. Let’s face it, there are a thousands of men with cameras out there offering to take photos of people having sex. I use the certs to let people know they can trust me by seeing what others have experienced with me.

 

Now, not ALL of the people I shoot give me one, and that is fine. Another thing I have noticed is some of the ones who do don’t have any of the photos I have taken actually ON their ad! LOL

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I don't see anything wrong with certifications. And, you COULD assume that everyone on someone's certification list has played together, but you won't always be making a correct assumption in all cases. We're certified sluts (we have 10) and we've certified other couples, but good-googly moogly, we haven't played with them all, nor do we intend to. We're regulars at a few local socials, so we know a lot of people. We're natural-born talkers and we're friendly. Certified just means that you are real people, not just picture collectors or looky-loos. It doesn't mean that you've done the horizontal mambo.

 

Pepper

[DBL D 120]

Well, I agree with that...you don't have to say you played.

 

In the early days I thought we might have more "openness" about the whole thing. You know, "if we're going to play then, let's play", and certs certainly seemed part of the whole affair. In actuality, reality has been much different than I expected. We don't play that much and we do want to be discreet. Therefore a cert goes out only once in a while, and if I recall, I asked if they would mind, so it wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. We may even accept a cert...for awhile, then remove it. People just aren't what they seem...(NEWSFLASH). It really just comes down to personal preference and should probably be left at that, as so many other things should be as well.

[jennandjamesinm 87]

We have certs - only 2 from some of our good swinger friends - ones that we don't play with. I usually look at certs as saying that these people are real, and not a single male or pic collectors. Although, I have read some that leave NO question about what occured

 

Jenn