What would you call it when husband wants his wife to be courted then tell him about

[strathmore 20]

I have recently made the acquaintance of a couple where the male wants his wife to be courted, dated, and seduced by another male, but here's the twist...He doesn't want to watch or participate...He wants to hear about her experiences.

 

If he wanted to watch, we would call him a voyeur. What do we call someone who likes to hear about sexual escapades?

 

Seriously now

[xxoticangel 99]

I don't know what they are called but I think it is a form of voyeurism.

 

One of our very few FMF expierences was with a couple that had similar taste. I think the story is somewhere else on the boards but in a nutshell she was a swinger when they married and he wasn't. He didn't try to change her and would always approve her dates. We met them for dinner and drinks in their town. About 11 pm he announced that he was leaving and kissed her goodbye. We gave her a ride home and one thing led to another. The next morning we met him for breakfast before driving home.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I am not sure what it is called, but this is something you read about in Penthouse a lot. Hot wife? It's not quite the same as cuckolding, since that has an element of humiliation involved.

[LOL_OMG 130]

It's Henny Youngmanism.

 

Or, "take my wife, please".

[lovedoctor 15]

Auditory voyuerism?

[ItTakes3 19]

Since the mind is the primary sex organ, it's understandable. Whether the stimulation comes through the skin, the eyes or the ears, it all ends up in the same processor.

[Swingercast 91]

We refer to them as listeners of our podcast

 

Or maybe it's Aural Sex.

 

Probably falls under the term erotica, but whatever the case it is a lot of fun to replay the night and get your partners take on how they perceived the evening's happenings. Makes the sex afterwards even hotter!

[Darter02 15]

Actually, there is a term for this as well as a whole set of people who enjoy it.

 

It’s called “Cuckold” or “Cuckolding.” It’s basically exactly what you described where a husband wants his wife to have an “affair” then tell him about it.

 

Here is the definition in the dictionary.

 

cuck·old (n) A man married to an unfaithful wife.

 

tr.v. cuck·old·ed, cuck·old·ing, cuck·olds To make a cuckold of.

 

Word History: The allusion to the cuckoo on which the word cuckold is based may not be appreciated by those unfamiliar with the nesting habits of certain varieties of this bird. The female of some Old World cuckoos lays its eggs in the nests of other birds, leaving them to be cared for by the resident nesters. This parasitic tendency has given the female bird a figurative reputation for unfaithfulness as well. Hence in Old French we find the word cucuault, composed of cocu, “cuckoo, cuckold,” and the pejorative suffix –ald and used to designate a husband whose wife has wandered afield like the female cuckoo. An earlier assumed form of the Old French word was borrowed into Middle English by way of Anglo-Norman. Middle English cokewold, the ancestor of Modern English cuckold, is first recorded in a work written around 1250.

[sereneiders 263]

If the guy were blind, he'd be a voyeur the way he can, hu?

 

Now seriously, I wouldn't still say this guy fits the "cuckold" profile, as Spoomonkey stated, it'd also require an humilliation component (e.g. she does other guys and tells him how better the experience was copared with what he can provide).

 

I believe there's no problem to play with cuckolds IF they both are in the same page. I've seen a couple of cuckolds that introduced their spouses into swinging without her knowledge of what's the thrill for them, doing things like talking behind her back about her lovers with other people in a way they humilliate themselves, but awaking harsh feelings from these third ones towards his wife in the proccess, wich is much like cheating on her when allowing these third ones to suppose she have odd intentions. In these cases I feel they're time bombs that may blow at any time.

 

So I believe it's a safe measure to find out if the guy is a cuckold, and if the wife is ok with this.

[Darter02 15]

Why do you both say there has an element of humiliation involved for it to be “cuckolding?”

[Darter02 15]

Never mind: found a good definition online. Scroll down that page and look under "Recent usage."

[Thrax 384]

Voyeur is French for "one who sees," so I guess "one who hears" would be entendeur, entendreur, or écouteur.

 

Discuss.

 

(Yeah, one of THOSE terms is going to catch on. )

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Voyeur is French for "one who sees," so I guess "one who hears" would be entendeur, entendreur, or écouteur.

 

Discuss.

I like those French words! One of those should do nicely.

 

The definition of 'cuckold' includes that word 'unfaithful' and for this reason I don't think that the traditional definition applies well to swingers. Being unfaithful means to be disloyal, and I don't see that being the case with swingers since we have sex with others with the consent of our spouse.

 

I've not known anyone who considers themselves in a cuckold relationship so I won't make guesses about how they view their relationship. I'd be interested in hearing from those who know more.

 

LM

[sereneiders 263]

LM,

 

We're dealing with two definitions for cuckolds, one, more traditional, includes the word "unfaitfull", but doesn't seem to apply for this case since the husband is aware of the wife's adventures, moreover, he's encouraging her.

 

But the definition I am using comes from the "new" cuckoldry lifestyle, where there isn't an "unfaitfull" behavior (and because of this is so close to swinging), but involves an humillation asked by the cucolded husband (and because of this is so close to the D/s lifestyle). Whether we like or accept such a lifestyle is a matter of personal taste, and as for me, the problem with swingers arouses when these couples aren't in the same page, the wife thinking they're both swingers and the husband seeking for humilliation behind her back.

 

As an example, I knew this "swinger" couple, at some point the wife got pregnant and the guy used to hang in chat rooms openly telling everyone about her pregnacy and that he wasn't the father, instead one of his wife's lovers. Even worst, i've seen him let these people believe his wife cheated on him, that she wasn't aware about his knowledge of not being the biological father, just to listen these people comments and feel humilliated in a way he didn't dare to ask his wife for. I've heard later on the guy keep doing the same, talking not only about his wife, also about his born kid. This is gross, and it's an example of what I mean about not being in the same page.

[lovedoctor 15]

Darter02 said:

Actually, there is a term for this as well as a whole set of people who enjoy it.

 

It’s called “Cuckold” or “Cuckolding.” It’s basically exactly what you described where a husband wants his wife to have an “affair” then tell him about it.

 

Here is the definition in the dictionary.

 

cuck·old (n) A man married to an unfaithful wife.

 

tr.v. cuck·old·ed, cuck·old·ing, cuck·olds To make a cuckold of.

 

Word History: The allusion to the cuckoo on which the word cuckold is based may not be appreciated by those unfamiliar with the nesting habits of certain varieties of this bird. The female of some Old World cuckoos lays its eggs in the nests of other birds, leaving them to be cared for by the resident nesters. This parasitic tendency has given the female bird a figurative reputation for unfaithfulness as well. Hence in Old French we find the word cucuault, composed of cocu, “cuckoo, cuckold,” and the pejorative suffix –ald and used to designate a husband whose wife has wandered afield like the female cuckoo. An earlier assumed form of the Old French word was borrowed into Middle English by way of Anglo-Norman. Middle English cokewold, the ancestor of Modern English cuckold, is first recorded in a work written around 1250.

 

Or in Italian "cornuto"

 

The Italian horn is a symbol sent by a man to another man when he is screwing his wife behind his back.

 

It is so funny to see American men wearing them on chains around their neck. I always ask them if they know what it means, and then explain it to them. "Dude, who's screwing your wife??"

[ItTakes3 19]

I find nothing about agreeing to a spouse having unchaperoned sex with others that is humiliating. That's in the same class as the young stud who wants to really show a woman what she needs, thinking her husband isn't satisfying her. Both are juvenile fantasies that might be right in 1% of the situations.

[Spoomonkey 421]

ItTakes3 said:

I find nothing about agreeing to a spouse having unchaperoned sex with others that is humiliating.

 

Maybe not - but if you look at the link Darter posted earlier, you'll see that recent usage of the word does potentially involve some form of humiliation. It is a part of the "game" for some cuckolding couples.

[ItTakes3 19]

Spoomonkey said:

Maybe not - but if you look at the link Darter posted earlier, you'll see that recent usage of the word does potentially involve some form of humiliation. It is a part of the "game" for some cuckolding couples.

I have no issue with someone's definition, only with trying to make that definition a universal fact of life.

[Spoomonkey 421]

ItTakes3 said:

I have no issue with someone's definition, only with trying to make that definition a universal fact of life.

 

Who was doing that?

 

Based on recent usage of the word (which I am familiar with because I have not researched it further than that) that is my impression of cuckolding. At no point do you see me say "this is the definition which should be universal" nor do I make any such implication...

 

I also did not say that there was anything humiliating about the act of a woman having unchaperoned sex - in fact, I said that the term "cuckolding" would not apply since what was described did not seem to have an element of humiliation involved.

 

So - obviously you did not perceive me to be making such a statement, did you?

[valley 25]

Auditory voyuerism?

Aural voyeurism.....and we all know how delicious that can be.Let's hope they find their delight.

 

Usually, after we have had fun with someone,when we are alone,we chat about it all.Its fun,stimulating,interesting.Then if we discuss it next day,which is normal too,we usually find that it turns us on.....remembering,talking points the other may not have been aware of,missed or forgotten.It never fails to stimulate us.So we can understand very well,anyone wanting this "auditory delight".........forming mental images from the recital. Works for us all,eh.

[strathmore 20]

Hi. I started this thread. Thanks for your thoughts. Here's an update.

 

My original contact was with him. He encouraged me to 'court' his wife. Said she has a conservative religious background, that she may be quite shy and require some persistence on my part.

 

Well, I finally made contact with her. It took 2 or 3 tries -- maybe the shyness, I thought. When I finally did get to talk to her, she came on like gangbusters. She told me that in fact she has been cuckolding him with a few younger guys while he is travelling on business and he knows nothing about this. She had some interesting, not so shy, suggestions as well.

 

They've got to be playing out some elaborate fantasy. Or...???

 

Think I'll be staying at a distance on this one.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

See if this fits.

 

The term has made a resurgence starting in the late 20th century amongst couples where a dominant female takes on additional partners, while a submissive male is either monogamous to her, denied sex altogether, or only allowed to perform oral sex on her. Most female-dominant couples who practice cuckolding tend to be in their late thirties or older, similar to swingers, often after their children have grown and left home.

 

Cuckolding may also be part of the practice of male dominant-female submissive couples. A submissive wife may be "naughty" with another man with her husband's knowledge and permission, then return to tell him about the betrayal and submit to punishment from the husband.

 

Cuckolding among female-dominant couples differs from the original definition of cuckolding in that many of these men are voluntarily "cuckolded" by their wives, as part of the husband's sexual fantasy of gaining sexual pleasure from being humiliated by his wife; indeed, the husband may even be the instigator of this practice, raising questions about who is truly the dominant partner. This is a common theme in letters to erotica magazines.

[sereneiders 263]

ItTakes3 said:

I find nothing about agreeing to a spouse having unchaparoned sex with others that is humiliating. That's in the same class as the young stud who wants to really show a woman what she needs, thinking her husband isn't satisfying her. Both are juvenile fantasies that might be right in 1% of the situations.

I think no one told otherwise. We're just telling this couple may have a lifestyle called "cuckoldry" that has few to do with the way vanilla people (for THESE people) calls "cuckoldry".

 

Swingers understand swinging as a "lifestyle" because we our sexuality shares a set of features, and the same happens for "cuckolds", under that lifestyle meaning, where the cuckolded humiliation is one of the features they share, if not the most important one.

 

If you google the word "cuckold", you'll find tons of references to that lifestyle before finding some content related to the word as it's used by vanilla people (for THESE people, i.e., we swingers may be vanilla for them, as we may be vanilla for BDSM lifestylers).

 

What I pointed out is another fact, since swinging is a more known activity (at least everyone heard the term and have an idea of it meaning), and a more vanilla one compared with any D/s relationship, a lot of guys pursuing the cuckoldry lifestyle began their "search" inside the swinger lifestyle. Some don't know about the cuckoldry lifestyle, and even some didn't realized they'd prefer plain cuckoldry to swinging, because of finding enjoyable a degree of humiliation that swingers trends to avoid.

 

This process where these guys start enjoying humiliation MAY start by putting themselves in the place of an abused victim, and for that they MAY put the people involved, i.e. wives and playmates in the role of the abusers, and since they doesn't necessarily know what's going on, this MAY trigger harsh feelings towards each other.

 

I gave you an example, pretty extreme, from one of these guys we had the bad luck to meet. If we were sticking to our experience with them, and even when we didn't played together, we would have been freaked out and wouldn't be swinging today. It was because I found out in the web about cuckoldry lifestyle that we understood that these people weren't swingers. And it isn't the only case. Since we have a little swinger community where clubs regulars know each other, we know people running websites, ad sites, chat rooms and so forth, we had the chance to know other cases, and meet in person some of that people.

 

So, I said, this MAY be the case (or MAY not be the case), but it's worth to find out in such a scenario if the guy is a "closet" cuckold to save yourself from the drama they pass trough until finding out and be upfront about their tastes.

[Additude 457]

Humm,

 

So then what is it called when the woman is the cuckold? A woman married to an unfaithful husband?

 

My dictionary says cuckold is "a man whos wife has committed adultry". It then defines adultry as "sexual intercourse between a married person and another not the spouse".

 

Anyway, I think the term cuckold is used loosely refering to different aspects of sexual nature. By interpretation, any husband whos wife has had sex with another makes that husband a cuckold.

 

That makes us all cuckolds!!!

 

I can only see humiliation entering the picture depending on the individuals personality. What may be for one may not be for the other.

[sereneiders 263]

Attitude,

 

Read my previous post.

 

We can choose to understand any word the way we like, we don't have to agree with the rest of the world.

 

Let's choose "swinging", why some people care to say singles doesn't "swing"? If we pick the vanilla way (for swingers) to define "swinging", there shouldn't be a discussion about this: there should be single swingers. Period. The problem is, swingers doesn't adopt a vanilla definition because they doesn't know what they're talking about and, even more, they can be prejudicial towards swingers. Once you know the swingers definitions for "swinging" you can understand where the "single swingers" issue come from.

 

The same happens here. You open the dictionary, read the "cuckold" and "adultery" definition, you say "hey, we're all cuckolds", but for the people in the cuckoldry lifestyle you (me) are a vanilla guy, just because you don't know what are you talking about, for example, when expressing you have no clue how this could be correlated with humiliation. Don't look at the dictionary, look for cuckoldry forums and web sites and grant them the right to define "cuckoldry" the way they feel it fits for their lifestyle, read on, and then you'll see why and how humiliation enters in the picture.

 

This is much like telling BDSM doesn't need to involve humiliation just because we're not in their lifestyle and our BDSM narrow definition is "these people that likes to tie up and leash others". Just the difference is, you won't find "another" more vanilla definition in the dictionary for BDSM, as you have for "cuckold".

 

And the word "cuckold" in this thread wasn't meant to be taken for the vanilla word.

[SAMnTINA 362]

We would call it watch out. As he wants you to introduce her to the lifestyle as he has not or does not have the guts to tell her what he wants.

 

A little romance and seduction can be fun but becareful if everyone is not on the same page.

 

We have been asked on web sites may times to meet couples where the wife does not know the husband is on a site and the husband wants to keep her in the dark untill she has been seduced and bedded, in our way of thinking this is asking for problems.

 

Communication is important and we all need to know what we are here for.

[curiousagain 326]

As a SM in the lifestyle I've come across a few couples that the husband just wants to watch and sometimes that there is a little humiliation involved. I have always been uncomfortable and completely turned off if there is a hint of humiliation to either party or feel like one is doing it just because the other wants it. Now, if the husband is just getting off on the watching, and the wife is just getting off on being watched by him with nobody being forced and nobody being humiliated, then it's a go.

[sereneiders 263]

Curiousagain,

 

I agree with you, but I believe this deserve a warning, because the line between "Hot Wife" and "Cuckoldry" isn't that clear, at least among swingers/vanilla people, and because I strongly believe the "Hot Wife" scene MAY BE an step in the path to "Cuckoldry" (not meaning that this is a REQUIRED step, since they're are people who knows beforehand what they want), even when not necessarily intending to be (a couple may "find out" they want more after the "Hot Wife" scene once living it).

 

I feel the warning appropriate because, with the best intentions, the "closet cuckoldry lifestylers", while in the "hot wife" stage, could make little check about their own confidence level with the humiliation, but to do that they MAY shift the role the other people involved (couples, singles) wanted to have.

 

For example, the guy can make a self humiliating comment about the performance someone's else have with his own wife, which could assign this third one a "victimizer" role he is uncomfortable with, or trigger a reaction from this other guy wife who may believe her husband actually did something that would be off limits, even inside their own marriage, just because no one knows the first guy WANTED to taste an humiliating feeling that wouldn't be accepted among swingers otherwise, thus concluding the second guy actively did something humiliating himself.

 

This doesn't mean every couple into the "hot wife" scene necessarily are "closet cuckoldry lifestylers", it just mean it is hard to tell them apart and this deserve the third ones involved to be aware of this chance, at least to understand the source should something odd happens, or if preferred, to look for ways to tell apart beforehand.