Wife doesn't understand my boundary concerns

[inquisitivemale 15]

I am the male half of a married couple and i wanted to know if i am the bad guy in this situation.

 

My wife and I have been swinging for over three years. We have had very few problems that came up but have always came through them. We attended a party two months back were this situation came up.

At the party they had a hospitality suite. We were in the room with quite a few other people. A woman was playing with a man she said was her husband and called my wife over. My wife goes over and they both start giving him head. After a minute the other woman gets up and leaves. My wife continues giving him head. This guy is very well endowed. The other women leave and so I have no one to play with since my wife is occupied and I will not leave her alone because I feel that I should be always be near incase she needs me. So I end up sitting there watching my wife have sex with this guy. This goes on for about an hour. Now my wife is not a quiet person when it comes to sex so she was very loud. During this our I had to endure the looks of all the single guys in the room. They wispered, pointed, laughed, and made little coments about me and talked about how their friend was wearing my wife out. Every now and then a woman would come in talk about how she wouldn't be taking that much dick that long. I got tired of it and told them that they were gonna have to finish it up. They said ok. Twenty minutes later they are still going at it. I really break it up now and we go back to our room. After that I just was not in the mood for sex so we went to bed. The guy came and knowcked on our dorr later that night and I sent him away. The next morning we are leaving and my wife and I getr seperated. When I find her She is talking to the same guy and he is giving her his number. I trust my wife and I though she did not keep the number. Now We talked about it on the way home. She tells me she did not enjoy it that much cause he could not really keep it up and she kept having to give him head. We get home and they post the next date for the party and my wife immediately signs us up for attendance. Now fast forward two months. I was cleaning out our messnger folders when I come across her talking to the husband of another couple we play with on the messenger in the archive.

She tells him about what happened but explains it saying I got upset because I was being teased. She made it sound very childish as if it was really just me. She also said that she really enjoyed it. Then she tells him that the guy has been calling her and talking to her. She then tells himn all the things he says and that he wanted to get with her again at the next party. I did not know that he was calling her. We really had a discussion about that. Days later I see that he is still calling her and his number is still in her cell phone address book. After the discussion agian i get her to take it out her phone. She then calls him when I am not around and tells him to stop calling her. Now a true situation.

We go to the party I have to deal with him and his friends again. If they disrepected me then, I feel that they have little respect for mre when I get there. My wife tells me I should move on and get over it. But it stays on my mind. Am I wrong?

[angelrose85053 16]

Timeout! Whoa! I am sure there are two sides to this story. However, your concerns alone are enough to warrant a serious conversation with your wife about your rules for group play. It is unacceptable for either one of you to do anything behind each other's back or be placed in an uncomfortable situation. Sit down with your wife and tell her that it's ok if she enjoyed the othe male, but it is not ok for her to lie to you and keep secrets from you and it is not ok for you to feel disrespected by anyone in the group. If these pirameters cannot be met, then you may want to consider not attending the next party.

[Mr&MrsSwing 16]

One of the most important requirements of swinging is that you and your partner are honest with each other about every aspect of swinging,...otherwise it becomes dishonesty, and in some cases, cheating. Try and talk about why she didn't tell you she was talking with this man without you knowing. I would calmly explain to her that had she enjoyed herself, she could have been honest about it, therefore ensuring more meetings with this man. For some reason, she did not want you to know she enjoyed herself.

 

Also, (of course this is how me and the husband operate, everyone has their own rules and feelings) when we are swinging together, and I or he senses that the other is uncomfortable with the situation, or feels left out, we try to accomadate for the other. If that is how you both are, she should have respected the fact that you felt left out, and done something about it. I hope this helps a bit.

 

MRS

[intuition897 2,179]

I agree that while there is always more to the story than one side can tell, the fact remains that you are one unhappy camper. Regardless of where this problem originates, you are still feeing humiliated, disrespected and uncared for by your wife...and everyone around you. The unmentioned discussions between your wife and the other guy are suspicious, as is the discrepency between her messenger conversation with the other play partner and what she told you after her little party. I say "her" little party because you weren't having much fun at all, and she didn't bother to take time out (at any time during her one hour + of playing with this guy she wasn't having that much fun playing with anyway) to remedy that.

 

I'm looking forward to hearing her side of things. From your description of her "Tough shit!" attitude, it sounds like she's not quite grasping that her freedom to do as she pleases without you leaving her is a privilege, not a right. And she should not assume that just because you're okay with her having sex with others...it doesn't mean you're okay with her ignoring your feelings just so that she can have a little fun.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

we think you have been disrespected. we hope you can talk this out by redefining and clarifing your boundries.maby you could have shut the door at some point.guys can be assholes sometimes but i think i would have done a big ol every body out!!! if they dont like it too bad.it was about you and your wifes enjoyment not a bunch of guys. we just see it as bad company. we dont have any friends that would be calling without the others aproval we just dont opperate like that and we are pretty clear about it with the people we play with. they seem to be on the same page.

[lovedoctor 15]

I'm wondering what your swinging history was like before this experience? Have you always been fair, open and honest with each other? Have you respected each other's feelings? Have you been perceptive to each other's needs? Is this attitude a sudden change, or has she progressively become more secretive and selfish?

 

It's time to examine your relationship. Stop swinging until you can get back on track. Get some counseling - you guys are a long way from the communication you need to make this relationship successful. Good luck.

[slolrner 15]

I can’t believe that you would allow your wife to abuse your relationship like this unless, you like being a cuckold.

 

I can’t believe your wife would disrespect you and continue to call this man behind your back unless she thinks you like being a cuckold.

 

I can’t believe your friends would put up with your wife disrespecting your relationship and not saying something to you about it, unless they think you like being a cuckold.

 

I think you like being a cuckold, everybody feels so sorry for you, the disrespected husband.

 

Hey, the way I see it you have two choices. You can grow some balls and let your wife know that if she wants to have a house to come home to she can ditch this butt hole of a man, and the two of you are going to have serious conversations about respect, or you can continue to enjoy the cuckold lifestyle you have come to enjoy.

[JnCC 24]

It's kind of interesting, sometimes, to look at swinging from something of an "outsiders" perspective.

 

In the vanilla world, it's not unusual to hear some guy say that he "knew his wife was chatting" with guys on the computer, but it's not until he find's out that she's been fucking them as well, that he starts to get concerned.

 

In the swinging world, it's just the opposite. Here, it's usually some guy who knows his wife has been fucking another guy, but it's not until he finds out she's been talking to him as well, that he starts to get concerned.

 

I think one of the real dangers of this lifestyle is that people who feel they're obligated to separate their "emotional" reaction from sex in order for their partners to enjoy swinging, tend to separate their "common sense" reaction to it as well. If you don't know who you or your wife is with, assume the worst. You'll never be dissapointed

 

I think a little jealousy in a relationship is a good thing. In fact, if we value our partner and our relationship with them, it's a necessary thing. There's nothing wrong with telling your wife that it's NOT OK to blow some guy just because his "wife's" jaw is getting tired.

 

I think a little discretion in selecting the people you swing with is also a good thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting to know somebody a little bit before you have sex with them.

 

I think the vast majority of single guys at swing clubs and socials have so little fundamental understanding of why couples swing, and so little respect for the sanctity of marriage, that it amazes me that ANY of them are permitted to attend those events, period.

 

"I have a friend" who's a pilot. He reads accident reports voraciously. You might think that's somewhat "morbid" on his part, but his reasoning is this..."I constantly examine my actions when flying, or preparing to fly. When what I'm doing sounds like the first paragraph of an accident report, I STOP what I'm doing, and ask myself is there isn't something I can do to avoid what I know is likely to come in the second paragraph...the narrative of the CRASH"

 

I think it would help some couples to read this post, and others like it, in a similar light. It's too late to help the OP, but his story might save someone else. When some situation or some person doesn't seem right, STOP what you're doing and re-group, or you're likely to be the subject of your own "accident report."

[intuition897 2,179]

Well said JnCC! Excellent advice and insight.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

The other women leave and so I have no one to play with since my wife is occupied and I will not leave her alone because I feel that I should be always be near incase she needs me....During this our I had to endure the looks of all the single guys in the room. They wispered, pointed, laughed, and made little coments about me and talked about how their friend was wearing my wife out. Every now and then a woman would come in talk about how she wouldn't be taking that much dick that long. I got tired of it and told them that they were gonna have to finish it up. They said ok. Twenty minutes later they are still going at it....

I'll add this comment.

 

Part of being their for each other includes seeing things that your spouse may not see and if anything arises that is not okay with you, stop it.

 

When I am in the midst of play, I often don't know what is happening around me. If my husband would become uncomfortable - for any reason - and would ask the play to stop, I'd stop. If he would ever signal me that it's time to leave the play area, I would. Then, when we are by ourselves, we would discuss what came up that caused him to call it stops.

 

This might be something you and your wife should discuss doing in the future. We've found this to be a good way to take look out for each other. It also avoids potential problems.

 

LM

[Lawguy 15]

I can’t believe that you would allow your wife to abuse your relationship like this unless, you like being a cuckold.

 

I can’t believe your wife would disrespect you and continue to call this man behind your back unless she thinks you like being a cuckold.

 

I can’t believe your friends would put up with your wife disrespecting your relationship and not saying something to you about it, unless they think you like being a cuckold.

 

I think you like being a cuckold, everybody feels so sorry for you, the disrespected husband.

 

Hey, the way I see it you have two choices. You can grow some balls and let your wife know that if she wants to have a house to come home to she can ditch this butt hole of a man, and the two of you are going to have serious conversations about respect, or you can continue to enjoy the cuckold lifestyle you have come to enjoy.

 

Dang straight, slolrner. No there are NOT two sides to this type of story. He feels uncomfortable about her relationship with this guy--END OF STORY. Moreover, as if that were not enough alone, she's also talking to him (while knowing how he felt about the guy that night) and has not been telling her husband. Last, but not least, ANY frigging phone call to the other guy AFTER the husband expesses such concerns--even if to tell the guy to go to hell--is waaaay out of line, IMHO.

 

Cuckolding might be fun, but I'd rather hear the stories than live them.

 

Lawguy

[good times 991]

Like LM said above, my wife and I agree that at any time either one of us can stop the play for any reason. If I said to my wife "that they were gonna have to finish it up " it would be finished in less than a minute. Not stopping when asked and that she is concealing the fact that she was talking to him without your knowledge are the two things in your situation that would bother me most. I would definitely cancel the next party plans and not make any more until both you and your wife are in agreement about what limits you both find acceptable.

[sexyshelby 19]

Dito I agree with everyone above. You need to have a serious discussion with your wife about this situation and why you two want to keep swinging.

 

My advice is do not go to this party until you can agree on rules and boundries.

 

~SS

[Coupleinidaho 15]

If the two of you swing again, I would suggest you BOTH make this guy (and his friends), off-limits FOREVER. The total disrespect shown for you and your marriage is enough to blacklist them. There are plenty of guys who are "hung" that won't act in that manner. (Mr.)

[Swingercast 91]

 

"I have a friend" who's a pilot. He reads accident reports voraciously. You might think that's somewhat "morbid" on his part, but his reasoning is this..."I constantly examine my actions when flying, or preparing to fly. When what I'm doing sounds like the first paragraph of an accident report, I STOP what I'm doing, and ask myself is there isn't something I can do to avoid what I know is likely to come in the second paragraph...the narrative of the CRASH"

 

I think it would help some couples to read this post, and others like it, in a similar light. It's too late to help the OP, but his story might save someone else. When some situation or some person doesn't seem right, STOP what you're doing and re-group, or you're likely to be the subject of your own "accident report."

 

(a hand picks up a walkie talkie, then we hear...)

 

Thank you for flying Swingers Airlines. Please make sure your relationship is in a secure and upright (not uptight) postion. We know you have choices when you swing and we hope the ones you have heard about here will make your flight more enjoyable.

 

Captain Julie has turned on the No Clothes sign.

 

You are now free to move about the board.

[inquisitivemale 15]

I want to tell you gentlemen that I am in no way a cuckold. I did not express my anger in the situation because I did not want to come off as a total ass and maintain some of my own respect. I love my wife and still trust her it is just that she does not see my point of view. I spend a major portion of my time watching her back and she does not get it. I feel that she is only thinkingf of herself sometimes.

[JnCC 24]

I love my wife and still trust her it is just that she does not see my point of view. I spend a major portion of my time watching her back and she does not get it. I feel that she is only thinkingf of herself sometimes.

I think you can trust somebody, that is, believe that their core-values mirror your own, and still be aware that in some circumstances, they may not act in accordance with those values. In other words, even though you know your wife manages the family finances wisely, you also know that anytime she goes to a certain outlet mall or boutique, she's likely to spend $300 on a basket full of foo-foo shit that even she doesn't know why she bought.

 

One of the best things a couple can do for each other in the lifestyle is to serve as each other's "check and balance." Reduced to it's essentials, that means honoring the "veto rule" at all times. When you're really "in step" with your partner, they don't need to tell you to knock it off with someone, you just know.

 

I did not express my anger in the situation because I did not want to come off as a total ass and maintain some of my own respect.

You'll never "come off a a total ass" by establishing some ground rules and insisting that others respect them in a party enviornment. Self-respect comes largely from adhering to your own standards. Personally, the cat-calls from the other guys would have been enough for me to throw in the towel if it were my wife that were the centerpiece of that dog-and-pony show. Perhaps your limits are more broadly-defined. Whatever they are, YOU have to enforce them. Don't rely on your wife, or the benevolence of the guys who are screwing your wife, to do it.

 

Do you think you were earning the respect of the single guys who "whispered, pointed, laughed, and made little coments" about you, and talked about "how their friend was wearing [your] wife out"...? By not calling an immediate end to what was going on, did you earn the "respect" of the guy who's been chatting with your wife without your knowledge for the last 2 months?

 

I don't mean this as an insult, only as comment on what I think happened with you and your wife, and between you and everybody else there. There's nothing inherently "wrong" with allowing your wife to have sex with a single gentleman at a swing party, provided that between the 2 of you, you have the bigger balls. Sometimes, you have to SHOW some balls, or you'll NEVER earn the respect of the other guys there!

 

BTW...the guy in question committed a major swinging faux pax by giving your wife, and not you, his phone number. That's the kind of shit that causes many couples to avoid parties where single males are in attendence. I would mention it, discretely, to the host, and to the husbands of any other couples in your social circle. "Poachers" have no business in this lifestyle.

[DBL D 120]

I was wondering where it was mentioned that this guy was a single male???

 

I was wondering why she wasn't honest with you?

 

I was wondering why you didn't find another lady (or couple) to play with while she was with this "fellow"?

 

I was wondering why you go to parties like this instead of a one-on-one couples date?

 

It's become clear to me that in our relationship, my wife has gradually been warming up to seeking out couples to play with and that will involve some chatting. She doesn't tell me that she has had a chat with someone all the time. She usually isn't the type to have a sexually charged chat with someone, but there is always some suggestive talk. I allow my wife to do that because I thinks it helps her to become comfortable with the whole idea of sharing and having recreational sex.

 

Recently we met a couple that she seems to really like, and I think they look great too. But, it just so happens that he is the one out the two of them that has time to chat, not the lady. What has bothered me about this is that there never seems to be any mention of the other principles involved. Never have I heard her say that they are looking forward to seeing us, or that his wife is interested in seeing me. It's just him saying that she gets his blood going. Now, I'm patient enough to let things go and see how it works out in a play situation, but if it turns out like the OP's situation, I'm afraid I would be very upset to find that they continued their chats.

 

Please keep talking about it with her. Let her know that it has to be fun for both of you. Come up with a way for that to happen...maybe there are several ways you can both be happy. I sure would be disappointed if my wife spent an hour with a guy right in front of me and never looked my way or asked me to join, and to have to put up with the onlookers, would be the straw that broke the camels back.

 

I guess part of the problem is having a wife that just won't talk about what she is doing or really wants. This has to be solved and the swinging should stop until it is.

 

M.D.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here---As always,if something doesn't make sense, you're missing a key piece of information. I think the problem is both of you: blending sex drive, lust and emotional inexperience and making a mess.

 

Here's what happened. You guys go to this party and she gets into it--really into it. She's getting fucked by this guy in a big way, drawing an audience to the point they're looking at you and in no uncertain terms, smiling like adolescents and communicating on some level,"Man is your wife getting fucked big time !" And your standing there and some kidding is going on, and getting really pissed off at the suggestions and perhaps bothered by the fac that you're not getting your fair share.

 

She, unaccustomed to being direct with people, when given his number, simply accepts it. After all, what does she do, refuse a piece of paper from a guy who was drilling her into next week a few hours earlier ? Then, things start becoming inappropriate with her taking his calls, etc. In other words, you're both at fault, though these are misedemeanors, not felonies.

 

So, you two need to simply put this behind you and move forward. Try a different group, a different party and definitely don't bother with this guy again. He should never have approached your wife with a phone number, but there's plenty of 'stupid' to go around on this one. But it's not from intent, it's from inexperience.

 

Let bygones be bygones, learn from your errors and move forward with new experiences with a new group.

[JnCC 24]

I was wondering where it was mentioned that this guy was a single male???

I think that was inferred by some of the language in the original post.

 

"A woman was playing with a man she said was her husband" (italics added)

 

She "had sex with him for an hour," but no further mention of his "wife" is made.

 

The comments "the single guys in the room" were making about "their friend."

 

The notion that if they attend another party, he'll have to "deal with him and his friends again." Again, no mention of dealing with his "wife."

 

In fact, the only time his "wife" was mentioned throughout the whole 2 month ordeal was during the intitial encounter in the hotel room.

 

It's almost impossible to control who shows up in the hospitality suite at a hotel party, which is why single guys tend to target them especially. This could have been a married guy, and the woman in question could have been his wife. If so, I apologize for assuming otherwise.

[curiousagain 326]

In the OP, it stated they guy wasn't single.

 

Your wife might not have noticed what you were going through while she was in the act with the guy but when you said finish up, that should have been it immediately.

 

It's true there are two sides to every story but I think all of the troubling things have already been pointed out. There are some major lack of caring and respect issues here that are going to have to be worked out if this couple continues as a couple irregardless of their swinging status. As I have often preached, the minute one of a couple loses respect and or caring for the other's feelings and well being, you can see the end fast approaching.

[DBL D 120]

I think that was inferred by some of the language in the original post.

 

"A woman was playing with a man she said was her husband" (italics added)

 

Not to get into sematics again, but if someone says someone they're playing with is their wife, then that's what I'd go on. To think otherwise is to cause even more issues about what is the truth in any situation.

 

I agree, there may be problems on both sides, or he could've just been having an "off" night. Regardless, if he allowed her to accept an invitation to play with this man, he should have felt he had the same permission to play with someone else.

 

The giving (and receiving) of the phone number by her, without her husbands knowledge, is another set of problems altogether.

 

M.D.

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

This goes on for about an hour.

Twenty minutes later they are still going at it.

so let me get this straight, a shared blowjob turns into a 1:20 monster-cock-fuck-a-thon and then after it's all said and done she tells you

she did not enjoy it that much cause he could not really keep it up and she kept having to give him head.

Not to mention all her other deceitful actions...... Could it be she has ulterior motives? Then again maybe she is just embarassed / ashamed to admit to you that she REEEEEEAALLLY liked it. Either way you have some work ahead of you.

BTW why in the hell would she involve another couple in the marital drama (you know the other hubby where she told him she enjoyed it AND made you out to be childish)?? Sounds to me like you to dont communicate at all and certainly no have no spousal priorities what-so-ever. Sorry if this is harsh, but I think at this stage you need a reality check.

[NandTfromCA 84]

There has been some really good advice given already but I have to disagree with thinking that any kind of deceit is a misdemeanor.

 

Failing to make sure you are not feeling left out while she rides Trigger into a lather is a misunderstanding but something that can be beneficial in the long run if you both learn from it. Accepting the guys number because, in the moment, she didn’t think of other options doesn’t seem like a big deal either (as long is you didn't already have a rule about it)...just set the rule for that situation for future reference.

 

The huge issue I would have is with the dishonesty; telling you she didn’t have a good time and then telling someone else that she did, talking to this guy and not telling you about it. That’s cool that you can trust her, but based on what you wrote, I would not. That’s just me though.

 

The second biggest problem is her disrespect for your feelings. It makes my stomach upset to think about having to deal with that guy, or his buddies, any more…I can imagine how it makes you feel. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be around someone because they have long arms (green eyes, black hair, a deep voice, a suave demeanor, etc)…if you aren’t comfortable with it, she should respect it…end of story. Yeah, you guys can talk about it and she deserves an explanation but in the end you both have to feel happy about the situation in order to move forward.

 

If she can be totally honest with you about everything and she has no problem respecting the fact that you don’t want to be around this dude anymore, then you are on the right track.

 

If she makes you feel even the slightest bit badly for not wanting to be around these guys anymore or you get any whiff of deceit, you have bigger things to worry about than Mr. Dudes dick, and should probably step away from swinging and reevaluate the health of your relationship.

 

Just one guy’s opinion.

 

Mr.

[sereneiders 263]

I'd agree with NandTfromCA here, but... I also agree with JnCC, and there isn't a contradiction here.

 

From your words, she was being disrespectfull... but form your oen words, it seems to me you were the one who disrespected yourself in the first time.

 

You're there, the lady who introduced this guy as her husband leaves the room and you let things happend even against your expetactions of a "fair play"... why don't you called it off right now, and told your wife to look for a COUPLE up to play togheter with you two? Taking this situation isn't much different than "taking one for the team", even when this was against your expectations.

 

Then, you're still there (because of taking care of her), and a bunch of his friends start commenting and laughing at you and you still won't do anything about it? Like asking the guys to leave and close the door, stand up, get next to them and ask them to tell you the joke they're laughing at, stop the action and tell the guy to get his ass out of there with his friends (and promise your wife a dildo as a gift if she doesn't understand what's going on), or... or... or... I am figuring out the same scenario with me, or with most of the swinger husbands I know of, and I am sure nor me nor any one of them would be invited again to these meetings because that would've ended up in a fight. A guy laughing at you because his friend is screwing your wife? it doesn't matter how open minded you are, nor if you're swinger... you just remained there, sitting, watching your wife and that well endowed guy have fun togheter, and their friends laughing at you?

 

The guy later on handle her a phone number and, again, you remain two steps behind. Why don't you pick the piece of paper from your wife's hands and put it in this guy pocket, looking at him straight into his eyes and waiting him to dare to make a comment?

 

So far, you had been the only one disrespecting yourself, you didn't need any help from your wife nor anyone else around, you managed to do it flawlesly, but once in the car your sart a cold hearted talking about what happend with your wife. I wouldn't blame on her at that point if she were believing you enjoyed being disrespected, and decided to cock for you your preferred cake for you to enjoy it as much as she does.

 

And you're still thinking of attending again that meeting?

 

Come on, I am starting to believe you're too yellow, or at least agree with slorlner post. Your original post have many common features with the typical cuckold story you may read in asstr.org, as to give it credit, or at least, if true, that you may be enjoying all the attention you got here.

 

I don't want to be harsh, but seriously, I believe at some point you enjoyed the events so far, even when you may hate to admit it. Otherwise I don't understand your lack of any reaction, over and over and over. You either admit yourself as a cuckold, or you two stop swinging right now and start talking very seriously, because you'd have way more problems inside your marriage than your wife well endowed lover.

[inquisitivemale 15]

Maybe I rote it down wrong. I was not mad at my wife until I found out she was still in touch with him. After the incident when we discussed it on the way home it was done and over with. Also I do not leave her alone for her protection. Now some men think I did not hvae a set(balls) but The sex was not what I was mad about. Not until everything else happened. Also when it finally came to light that he was single and the guys were all friends Thats is when I broke it up. As for the number I thought she threw it away when i mentioned it. There have been a few parties where she was the only one to play and I have not gotten mad. Also I think it was a misunderstanding on her part. What I wanted was her to understand how the overall situation looked like. I wanted her to see it from my point. The thing is that sometimes she just does not get it. Also I feel she should have known to not take the number and turn the guy away because if it was the other way around she would have expected me to throw the number away. I asked her "if I had been in contact with a woman I played with that she did not like without her knowlege would she be upset?" She said yes. It is just that even though she says this, she does not really get it because she was not in my position. That is all I wanted was for her to understand. Also the people that insist that I weak. I am not. I could have got mad and took my ball home when I was not playing but I did want her to have some fun also. It was just the overall situation.

[Coupleinidaho 15]

Also the people that insist that I weak. I am not. I could have got mad and took my ball home when I was not playing but I did want her to have some fun also. It was just the overall situation.

With regards to some rather blunt and direct replies to your post...I had at first thought, "Add insult to injury?" But then I realized that they are trying to give you a wake up call, even if it is a slap upside the head.

 

What your wife allowed to happen is just not right. But the fact that you sat idly by while it happened only made it worse. Had I been in your situation, I would have stopped the action as soon as this guy's friends started making comments. That would have been the end. Even if it meant me pulling the guy off my wife, and throwing his ass out the door, along with his friends. Not an hour later, and definately not 20 minutes later after I had called for it to stop. I hate to say this, but in order to get respect, you have to respect yourself in the first place. That doesn't seem to have happened here.

 

But I really feel for you, because I can only imagine how incredibly shitty that whole experience must have been for you.

 

As far as this whole "monster-cock fuckathon" thing...so what if your wife likes big dicks...I bet you could find a guy that would respect BOTH of you, resulting in a pleasurable experience for all involved.

 

But first, you need to get things straight with your wife. A time out is in order, with some serious discussion on mutal respect and understanding. Not to mention addressing her obvious inability to have any type of empathy towards your plight. That's a HUGE red flag in a vanilla relationship, let alone one that involves bringing another person into your marital bed. (Mr.)

[Additude 457]

What is it that you want to do outside of her not seeing this guy? You know he will be at the parties and she will fuck him.

 

If you can't stop your wife from abusing your marriage relationship the way she is then what will you do?

 

Do you think your stopping swinging will stop her from contacting this guy and meeting him on the side?

 

What is it that your wife wants to do? What is it that your wife is so interested in with this guy? Sex obviously...maybe she likes his big cock.

 

Find out exactly what is in her head. She thinks that your jealous now and she isn't telling you the truth because she doesn't trust your jealousy.

 

Find out what she wants and what her intentions are. Toss the jealousy and get the truth.

 

Maybe you can find her other big cocks to play with to take her mind off this guy.

 

Maybe you can fight fire with fire, however you must be in control of the blaze. I wonder what your wife may think if she see's you doing to her what she is doing to you?

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

I just dont understand where you are coming from............. Let me ask you a direct question--Is her dishonesty an issue for you? Or do you truly just wish for her to understand your feelings as she continued to chat with this guy?

[lovedoctor 15]

I think the vast majority of single guys at swing clubs and socials have so little fundamental understanding of why couples swing, and so little respect for the sanctity of marriage, that it amazes me that ANY of them are permitted to attend those events, period.

 

JnCC - you hit the nail right on the head with your post.

 

The thought above is really really true. The single guys are almost enough to make me not want to go to clubs. I am glad not to see them (or at least in any number) at the parties we've attended. They are kind of a cross between lathering puppies and leering idiots, do everything they can to see in closed rooms and even try to come in when the door is shut...

 

I'm glad you are not like this JnCC! There is hope for the single male because of guys like you!!!

 

But your comment does lead me to want to mention this to the owner of our club. It's been bothering me, and I guess I just accepted it as something that happens. But I know it's not right for grown men to act this way just because they are single...

[inquisitivemale 15]

I just dont understand where you are coming from............. Let me ask you a direct question--Is her dishonesty an issue for you? Or do you truly just wish for her to understand your feelings as she continued to chat with this guy?

A little of both. The overall dishonesty was an issue. I also wished for her to understand and not continue to talk to the guy. We have discussed it and she is not speaking to her anymore. We also set some new ground rules.

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

I dont think there will be much success with new or more rules unless you have uncovered her motivation for breaking the old ones. I also find it noteworthy that while you did state the facts concerning her lying you never did have an opinion on the subject until hard pressed for it. At which point your response seemed to be downplayed. Maybe you dont have a huge problem with this, your call. I do think that for whatever reason she started to deceive you was the reason she continued the deception and communicated with him. Unless you get to the bottom of it, it ain't gonna stop!!

 

Best of luck to you hope it all works out

 

angedky(mr)