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Diamond06

Fired because I wouldn't swing solo with my male manager

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I need some opinions...

 

I got a job waitressing at a pretty upscale restaurant, and me and my fiance' decided to have a threesome with my male manager. We engaged in some pretty hardcore sex on a few occasions but it was always know that I would NEVER do anything without my fiance'...

 

Well I guess my boss thought I was a whore anyways, and tried to get my to suck he dick in the office after work. And when I turned him down he still continued to grab at my pants button and trying to kiss at me. So I told him that if he continued to fuck with me, he would no longer have a dick for me to suck.

 

Well,the next day, I went into work, and one of the other managers said that I was fired. When I asked why she said it's because my male manager said that my cash outs were over fifty bucks short last night. o I had to leave.

 

Should I fight it? I mean I wouldn't want the job now, I can get another one, but it's just the principle. Right? :nono:

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Yes I'd fight it. They owe you a letter of recommendation. but you do know now don't mess around at work, it NEVER works :nono:.

 

Now as for you being grabbed that's fighting grounds for me :mad: You have rights and they were crossed. You can fuck someone today and say no tomorrow, that is a fact of life and no means no, swingers or not, and to be called a thief :eek: just because you won't play now. the guy needs a wake up call. If someone is in management, they don't do that, period. :mad:

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I'd look at it as one of life's little lessons.....don't play with co-workers.....and move on. You really don't have much to gain and a lot to lose. Sure.....you may get your job back(of which you can get another pretty easily), but look at the cost. Everyone at your work will know that you had a threesome with the manager. It may even get around the restaurant business and keep you from getting work elsewhere.

 

And like you said......you wouldn't want the job back anyway. Just move on. the sooner you put it behind you....the happier you'll be.

 

Good luck,

Brett

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Lesson learned: Don't shit where you eat. Move on! It's terrible that happened to you, be glad you can work elsewhere. And don't list that man as a reference!

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*sigh*...and this is why swinging is such an underground activity. Not because we're ashamed of it, but because of the bullshit (and the gargantuan assholes that produce said bullshit) that you have to deal with otherwise.

 

I guess you have to ask yourself one question: how important is it to you that Mr. Asshole gets his just desserts? As stated before, it very well could affect your job prospects elsewhere. But you could certainly drag his sorry ass down with you.

 

I'm an idealist, and the notion that one should just accept that she was sexually assaulted as "one of life's little lessons" nauseates me. I don't CARE that you shouldn't have been screwing around with your manager; you said no, he didn't listen. PERIOD. The reality of it, though, is that you've got all the damned cards stacked against you. What you were doing is considered immoral by the majority of folks out there, and they will be hard-pressed to ignore the circumstances. They may consider your activity just provocation (as in, "Well what did you expect?"). Then you have to consider what you're actually trying to win. Your job back? 'Cause you're not going to want it. This will essentially "out" you. It'll get you all kinds of attention that may be unwelcome. Your Mom and Dad are going to hear about this.

 

If none of the above bothers you, then go for it. Even if you don't actually go to court over it, you could approach the sleazebag and let him know that you WILL disclose everything to your mutual employer, and he WILL be dragged into court over sexual assault charges ('cause buddy, you've got a hearing problem!!). If he wants to avoid it, tell him you want a letter of recommendation. A good one. If he wants to claim that that's blackmail...well...he wanted to play hardball, now didn't he?

 

I'd love to just be completely out of the closet about our lifestyle. I really hate having to avoid certain discussions, and having to tell anything less than the truth. It just sucks, man!

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Chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. If you try to fight it don't be surprised if you find that getting another job in the same industry becomes not as easy as you thought.

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I need some opinions...I got a job waitressing at a pretty upscale restraunt,and me and my fiance' decided to have a threesome with my male manager.
(Mr. here) Another example of why you don't "shit where you eat." You could fight it, but if you do, your lifestyle will be known to quite a few people. You'll have to pick which is more important, your job or your private life.

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Should I fight it?
Fight it how? Sue them? You'll probably have a problem finding an attorney who will take the case, since you've already had a consensual (and highly unconventional) sexual encounter with the boss. You can't say that you were "offended" or "harrassed" by him asking you to suck his dick, when you've already sucked his dick. Plus, they'll want to depose everybody you know...friends, family, neighbors, whoever. Do you want the whole world knowing you're a swinger? Does your boyfriend want the whole world to know he let's other men screw his girlfriend?

 

It's just the principle.Right?
No, there's a lot more at stake than just that. For one thing, many companies (including most of the "good ones" to work for), simply won't hire a person who has sued a previous employer. The lawyers who run ads on TV all day urging you to sue your boss, won't tell you that. They don't care if you never work for a "good" company. Trust me...employers have access to databases listing anybody who's ever sued a boss and why, and "sexual harrassment" is a biggie on their list of people NOT to hire.

 

You're young, and very lucky to learn such a valuable lesson at this age without it being a life-defining one. Find another job at a different restaurant, and this time don't fuck your boss. In fact, don't fuck anybody that has anything to do with your workplace. There are 330 million people living in the United States. At most, there are a dozen or so you shouldn't have sex with.

 

I'd say your odds of finding somebody are still pretty good...

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Ok, I've had a shower and cooled off a bit. I guess you have seen the lesson learned, but I would call the labor board in your area. It's a free call and you wouldn't be suing anybody, but here in our state they can and will get you a letter of recommendation. Most companies would want a quiet goodbye, and the bastard would have some explaining to do. For all that's worth. I personally just couldn't take the short drawer thing.

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Well young lady, you are so right. The idea that he is covering his ass does bother me. Why would he attempt tp want you. The back down away. Myself I am a self employed male. Have no desire to " EVER " attempt to put myself in a on going law suit. Either started me me, or any co workers. Just doesn't make alot of sense. Unless ever so obvious, to both parties are consenting adults. Good luck sexy !!!!!!

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Sorry to hear about your situation. But it's probably best to just put it behind you. As much as I would like to fight it, if I were in the situation, it's probably not worth the time or effort.

 

Good luck.

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Damn the injustice of this really annoys the hell out of me. I also hate the idea of you’re not standing up for yourself but at the same time can see it’s a fight maybe not worth getting into.

 

It still infuriates me! I have always hated bullies and those who abuse their power!

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GET EVEN WITH THE ASSHOLE!!!!

He screwed you, and your job, I'm not sure as how far you are willing to go(I would not sue him), but some sugar in the gas tank is always good (just make sure you dont get caught). I can not stand the people that say "don't shit where you eat." I work in a small boutique, i'm the only male and there are 6 other women working with me. we are best friends, I have not screwed all of them only 4 but everyone knows about it and nothing changed. we are still best freinds and everyone knows. we maintain our profesionalism, and we go out of our way to please each other. But I hope that you get the asshole :mad:

good luck :)

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I agree with what's been said by everyone above.....it is a tricky situation. And personally, I wouldn't let this one go. I mean, you don't have to sue the guy, but I would definitely talk to your mutual boss and let him know what happened (the short story..don't go into details of course, and what you tell him is your business). At this point you probably wouldn't want your job back, but ask for a recommendation...you deserve that much at least. And if the mutual boss was smart, he'd see the potential for a lawsuit and give you the recommendation.

 

I agree with you that it is the principal of the situation...but I wouldn't go so far as putting sugar in his gas tank or taking him to court. Just let him know that you mean business and that you won't let your future employment with another company be ruined by his lack of respect and not giving you a recommendation.

 

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

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While it may indeed not be worth going through with a lawsuit, I think you owe it to yourself to at least find out what your options are.

 

There are countless lawyers that will give you a free consultation, and I can assure you that even just a letter from a lawyer is likely to get you a full written recommendation and perhaps much more.

 

No business wants to even risk a sexual abuse suit, and will be willing to do a great deal to avoid one.

 

You can't say that you were "offended" or "harrassed" by him asking you to suck his dick, when you've already sucked his dick.

 

You could not be more wrong, and this comment shows absolutely no knowledge of actual legal precedents in the workplace.

 

She wouldn't be charging harassment... she actually LOST HER JOB because of turning down a sexual advance. Wouldn't matter if she'd had sex with him an hour earlier. She'd actually have a case even if she hadn't turned him down at all.

 

Don't take legal counsel from people whose only qualification is a keyboard and internet connection. Talk to someone that has a degree to back up their advice, weigh the risks vs. rewards, and make an informed decision.

 

I'm not advising you to sue, but you've got absolutely nothing to lose by finding out what your rights and legal options are.

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GET EVEN WITH THE ASSHOLE!!!!

He screwed you, and your job, I'm not sure as how far you are willing to go(I would not sue him), but some sugar in the gas tank is always good (just make sure you dont get caught). I can not stand the people that say "don't shit where you eat." I work in a small boutique, i'm the only male and there are 6 other women working with me. we are best friends, I have not screwed all of them only 4 but everyone knows about it and nothing changed. we are still best freinds and everyone knows. we maintain our profesionalism, and we go out of our way to please each other. But I hope that you get the asshole :mad:

good luck :)

 

You can screw a dozen people you work with and everything is fine. Then the 13th will cause you more problems than you care to deal with. It only has to happen one time for you to assume the "don't shit where you eat" T shirt.

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Don't take legal counsel from people whose only qualification is a keyboard and internet connection.
In other words, don't listen to ANYBODY here, including the guy who posted the above.

 

Talk to someone that has a degree to back up their advice, weigh the risks vs. rewards, and make an informed decision.
Lawers are being cranked out by the hundreds of thousands, and putting their name on a bus bench only costs a couple hundred dollars a month. Find a lawyer with some credibility, one with a track record and some experience in this particular field, not just some guy with a business card "practicing law" out of an old house in the run-down section of town. And remember...by filing a lawsuit against your ex-boss, he increases his chances of getting more clients, I.E., he gets more work, while you decrease your chances of finding a better job.

 

Suing your former employer is always an option for you. Not hiring you is an option for every future employer you're likely to interview with for the next 40 years. Weigh your options carefully before following anybodys advice, and be prepared to suffer whatever consequences may ensue.

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Before you simply walk away - lesson learned, per the advice of most here, ask yourself the following question. Had you never played with him and he never asked you to suck his dick and you were fired because you were short on the tip out; would you fight it? If the answer is yes and you can prove you were not short then fight it on those merits and never mention the personal issue.

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While I agree with the lesson learned comments, the situation still ticks me off. You say you can still get another job, and wouldn't go back to work there anyway. But what if you needed that job, and what about the next woman he does this too? Also, if you're eligible for unemployment and your employer says you were fired for stealing you can forget about it.

 

I was the president of my local union for years, and championed the causes for many wrongs. The basic idea is that you have to pick your battles. Just how important is what happened? Try not to think of it in a retaliatory sense but one of what's right and what's wrong. In the end it's up to you.

 

My advice would be not to seek an attorney right away, but do some research online first.

 

Mrs

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Susan here--- A friend of mine had a similar thing happened. This is just what they did, but it may not be the thing for you:

 

A letter to the owner/human resources went like this:

 

I was recently dismissed from your employ. The reason given was the fifty dollars was short in the cash drawer. This did not happen because of me, but other information may be important for you to know.

 

I did have a sexual relationship with the manager. When I ended it and refused a sexual advance, I was fired the next day.

 

I don't want my job back.

 

I'm not going to sue anyone.

 

But I want to make it clear that I did not make a mistake in the cash drawer. Also, if this happens with anyone else, there may be more to the story.

 

I don't want to discuss this further. I'm more concerned for the future of your business than for me. Be well.

 

----------

 

There you go, but it's your call. I'll admit that sometimes walking away is the best thing. But if you do nothing about the problem, you become part of the problem.

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I followed up my earlier post with an e-mail to my daughter, who, coincidentally, IS an attorney with a major Southern California law firm.

 

This, in part, was her response...

 

"Geez Dad, where do you MEET these people?

 

Unless she has proof that he was coming on to her, it's not going to be a very good case. Even eyewitness testimony would be questionable, considering her past with the guy.

 

I'd give her the same advice I gave Mike's hairdresser when people were gossping in the salon--she's signed on as a blue-collar employee and employment contracts are "at will" so employers can fire you at any time for any reason--other then for a discirminatory purpose. Not to mention, why would she want to work for that guy anyway? If she were making $150k a year at a big firm, it might be worth fighting for a settlement, but considering waitress work isn't very specialized or hard to find, I'd advise her to take out her frustrations at the gym and save herself some time.

 

In the sexual harrassment cases I saw at my old firm, the stuff was going on for a long time, with witnesses, e-mails, we even had the diary entries of a dude's mistress-you pretty much need good evidence like that."

 

That said, I agree with Edison Carter, that a follow-up letter to the person in charge of HR at the corporate level might be in order. I once had a rather unpleasant "encounter" with a Sheriff's Deputy in the county where I live. Rather than contacting a lawyer, I went to the Justice Center and asked for 10 minutes with the Sheriff himself. The 10 minutes turned into an hour, during which we discussed many other things, including our mutual interest in avoiding lawsuits.

 

I explained to him that while I didn't intend to pursue the matter beyond our discussion of it, if it EVER came to my attention that the Deputy acted similarly in the future, I would take it as an indication that his behavior was sanctioned by the Sheriff's Department. As such, I would feel duty-bound as a citizen to contact both the newspapers, the local media, and any other persons who might have been victimized by this man. It also goes without saying that I would testify in court as to my experience with the Deputy, as well as my conversation with the Sheriff regarding the matter.

 

"He may be a good deputy who was having a bad night," I said. "Or he may be a rogue Deputy, a lawsuit waiting to happpen, and I'm not the first one to complain about him. In either case, the ball is in your court now, Sheriff."

 

I don't know what happened to the Deputy. It wasn't my intent to get him fired, just stopped. But I've never seen him on patrol, nor seen his name in the local paper, in the 10 years since.

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Just one thing to keep in mind is that a letter to a corporate office will most likely result in some kind of action. If his superior(s) become aware of possible sexual harassment they are legally obligated to investigate. In addition, I myself would never put down on paper "I will never sue/ I don't want my job back/ I care more about the company than myself."

 

I have written many grievances, and you wanna leave some doors open. Wording instead could be "I'm not considering suing/at this time, I'm not asking for my job back/I'm concerned about your company (as I'm sure you are)". Who knows, with the right play you might have his job in the end....

 

Mrs

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Was this guy even a swinger?

 

I mean, did he have any clue what swinging really is?

 

Has he ever read a damn thing about it?

 

Did you even find out these things, discuss swinging, share with him what swinging means to you before you got involved?

 

 

I think you and your fiance thought you were swinging.

 

This guy thought something else.

 

 

Forget about filing a complaint or lawsuit. It isn't worth it. There are far more people who put up with way more in their workplace than you did, and they never fucked the guy first. You really think a judge is going to be understanding? I don't think a judge will have any better understanding of swinging than the manager you played with.

 

 

Take this experience as a lesson. Be more selective in the future when you play.

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Dito

 

Learn the lesson and let it go.

 

If you still feel the need to do something about it, well... I'd say sugar in that manager car's fuel tank would do the trick :hahaha:

 

Now seriously, don't. Let it go.

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Maybe I've been out of the private sector for too long, but dear lord

 

There are far more people who put up with way more in their workplace than you did

 

please say it isn't so....

 

 

Mrs

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LikeMinds321 said:
...There are far more people who put up with way more in their workplace than you did, and they never fucked the guy first.

 

Maybe I've led a sheltered life, or maybe just watched too many happy-ending movies, but that really shocks me, LM. I don't know if I could just let it go, if it were me. I'd have to take action of some kind. The injustice of it is just too much to stomach.

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First off, I would like to thank everybody for their advice. I really appreciate it.

 

After some thought I decide to call the restaurant owner and tell him what had went on. I never wanted to take it to court, due to the fact that I shouldn't have, as everyone has said "shit were I ate". All I wanted really wanted was to teach my boss that he couldn't shit on a woman and get away with it (so to speak.)

 

After speaking with the owner the next day "my boss" was terminated. So I learned a lesson, and I got my justice. Thank you all again so much.

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Diamond06 said:
After speaking with the owner the next day "my boss" was terminated. So I learned a lesson, and I got my justice.

 

Now, I know this is bad karma but: :hahaha::D YAY :D:hahaha: That sucker deserved it...

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...There are far more people who put up with way more in their workplace than you did, and they never fucked the guy first.

LM

Maybe I've led a sheltered life, or maybe just watched too many happy-ending movies, but that really shocks me, LM. I don't know if I could just let it go, if it were me. I'd have to take action of some kind. The injustice of it is just too much to stomach.

I certainly do not feel sexual harassment in the workplace should be condoned or ignored. The above comment I made was specific to the situation presented by Diamond06. She asked: Should I fight it?I mean I wouldn't want the job now,I can get another one,but it's just the principle.Right?

 

I think there is more than principle to consider when choosing the best action to take. All sexual harassment situations cannot be viewed in the same light, nor handled in the same way. And the fact that she and her fiance decided to have a threesome with her male manager and they "engaged in some pretty hardcore sex on a few occassions" does put a different slant on things and must be taken into consideration.

 

Diamond06 expressed no feelings of psychological or emotional damage from the incident, just anger that he tried to get more sex with her, and this time alone. If he hadn't fired her, she'd probably not given the whole ordeal too much thought, at least no more than any couple that swings and discovers that the single male they have been having sex with turns out to be a creep.

 

She admitted that whe could care less about keeping her waitress job. She can move on to find another, hopefully learn from this experience, and not make the same mistake again.

 

LM

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Contact the Employment Security Commission in your state and file a complaint.

 

Write a letter to your States Attorney General outling the harrassment.

 

Contact a lawyer that will work pro-bono or work for a higher percentage of the award.

 

OK, the reality of it is that you have to prove your case. I don't think you can. Remember you were also involved.

 

All the manager has to say is your making up the story in retaliation because you got fired.....end of story.

 

I guess the moral of the story is, "Don't Fuck with the Boss"....

 

Just chalk it up and move on.

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I certainly do not feel sexual harassment in the workplace should be condoned or ignored. The above comment I made was specific to the situation presented by Diamond06. She asked: Should I fight it?I mean I wouldn't want the job now,I can get another one,but it's just the principle.Right?

 

I think there is more than principle to consider when choosing the best action to take. All sexual harassment situations cannot be viewed in the same light, nor handled in the same way. And the fact that she and her fiance decided to have a threesome with her male manager and they "engaged in some pretty hardcore sex on a few occassions" does put a different slant on things and must be taken into consideration.

 

Diamond06 expressed no feelings of psychological or emotional damage from the incident, just anger that he tried to get more sex with her, and this time alone. If he hadn't fired her, she'd probably not given the whole ordeal too much thought, at least no more than any couple that swings and discovers that the single male they have been having sex with turns out to be a creep.

 

She admitted that whe could care less about keeping her waitress job. She can move on to find another, hopefully learn from this experience, and not make the same mistake again.

 

LM

 

You're right, LM, there is more to it than just the principle. I was just speaking very generally. I just meant that I'm pretty naiive about the kinds of bullshit that people have to put up with. I've still got this 8-year-old's view of the world as basically a good place where bad things like that couldn't possibly still be going on. I mean, we know better, right? And there are laws to protect the innocent party, right? Okay, okay so they don't work sometimes...like, maybe 1% of the time...but the rest of the time everyone lives happily ever after...right?

 

Please note, this is all said with a heavy dose of self-directed sarcasm. :rollseyes I just see everything through rose-coloured glasses, and I don't like to take them off. Makes me cry. :o

 

Upon reflection, if I was on the inside of this situation looking out, I'd probably just chalk it up to experience and admit that I fucked up royally...and know better now not to do it again. And as for my former employer, well, if I think of any way to send karma back around his way...I'll do it. Otherwise, I'll just trust that God's probably got some more creative planned for him than I could think up.

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      The entire 40-person staff of a housing development in the Bronx was reassigned over the weekend after residents complained that some workers had been drinking and having sex on the job.
       
      Male and female supervisors at Throggs Neck Houses engaged in erotic activities with their subordinates for months — both inside and outside the buildings, said Monique Johnson, the president of the development’s resident association.”
    • By Testdiva
      Ok... this is a little odd but have had a "thing" for hubby's boss for about a year and a half now.
       
      And hubby is about to leave his job for another one...
       
      Hubby is all ok with me being with other men (as long as it won't screw up his career and... taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.) So... is it like... OK after hubby quites and ilonger in a professional type relationship with this person??
       
      BETTER question.. I don't even know if he's into this, though I do catch him staring a lot....
       
      How do you tell someone... hey I just want to have a little fun with you?! If you are not sure what they are into or have no clue as to how to breech the subject...
       
      Though part of me is afraid to pursue this at all... what if he were to react badly... or something... yeesh I don't know.
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