How Do Swingers Feel About Black Women?

[Guest Cosmopolite]

I am a single black female and new to swinging in a "formal" sense. Even though I am bisexual, I have only had intercourse once since 2002. I am a voyeur and do threesomes. However, I have been told by several experienced swingers that most swingers are not interested in black females, even though I am single and bisexual. Since I have never been to a club, I would hate to go and not have anyone to play with. Does anyone know reasons why couples would not want to play with black females?

[NandTfromCA 84]

We live in CA, so it might be different in GA but there are plenty of couples who will play with black females/couples/males. There are surely going to be people that turn you down because you are black but there will also be some that think you're especially sexy because you're dark skin.

 

Good company is good company, regardless of skin color.

[WesternSwing 504]

Wow, I think the general concensus around here would be that there isn't enough single black females in the lifestyle! I wouldn't listen to those you've talked to, I don't think they really know what they are talking about.

 

Mr. WS

[twobears 16]

Sweetie, you can come play with us anytime!!!! Like my hubby says "Pussy is Pussy,you have been in GA too long!!!LOL You are a woman and that is wonderful. Forget your color and remember how pretty you are and there is only one of you in this big world,have fun and forgoodness sake please don't wait that long to have sex again,it is not good for the body!!!LOL

[Chicup 42]

I am a single black female and new to swinging in a "formal" sense. Even though I am bisexual, I have only had intercourse once since 2002.

 

This stands out to me as a red flag more than you being black. Any reason you have had sex only once in 4 years?

[Guest Cosmopolite]

This stands out to me as a red flag more than you being black. Any reason you have had sex only once in 4 years?

 

Good question. Let me rephrase. I have only had intercourse one in 4 years. I am highly sexual through masturbation (the only way I orgasm), with females, etc.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Your profile says that you are "strictly a voyeur." I interpret this to mean that you wish no physical interaction with a couple and only want to watch them.

 

If this is so, I would think this would be a much greater limitation to swinging than being black. I think most couples who wish to have a bisexual female join them want soft swing or full swap interaction.

 

LM

[intuition897 2,179]

Dito to LM. Really, race is not an issue for most swingers. Nor is cultural difference, unless those cultural differences cause a person to treat others like crap. It's the quality of the person that counts. At least around SwingersBoard it is.

 

My hubby and I don't consider ourselves newbies anymore, and in our personal opinion, diversity is just that much more fun. I mean, isn't that kind of the point of swinging in the first place? To try a different "flavour" every now and then? Mint chocolate chip is my favorite ice cream, so I married him. But...the world is like one big Baskin Robbins and there's, like, 6 or 7 billion other flavours out there!

 

Black women in the lifestyle. My thoughts? I love it. We haven't been with any partners of a different race...yet (we're both white). But that's just been coincidental. I find the idea of the visual contrast in skin tones very erotic.

 

If you're ever travelling out of state, be sure to schedule in a trip to a swingers club there. You'll likely be surprised at the difference in opinion.

[EvilMJ 65]

one of my best friends in the lifestyle, who I play with from time to time is a black female. She is one of the few black females who swing in our area, and she is very sought after. I don't think you have anything to be concerned about

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I'm from Alabama and we now live in Florida, and I've never had a problem in the lifestyle. Almost the opposite has been the case.....there's lots of couples that will seek you out because they've never been with a black person before. Now, I understand that there are places that you may not want to go: for example, to some of the clubs in Mississippi that are for whites only, but for the most part, I don't think you'll have a problem....I know I don't.

 

Pepper

[Tybee Swing 286]

Does anyone know reasons why couples would not want to play with black females?

 

Hi! We can't speak for everybody, but we are a white couple in DEEP south Georgia who are attracted to black couples, black single women, and black single men if we all have a great personality/attraction connection. I find black women very sensual. I wish I could have more experiences with black gals, and hope to in the future.

 

We haven't run into hardly any prejudice about this at all down here in south Georgia, in the scene around here. Atlanta is a much more populace area, and it seems it would be even easier to mix/mingle/meet up there in Hotlanta. In fact, we hear that the clubs up there are very hot!

 

Best wishes to you.

[2GirlsGoodBenBa 16]

We have ran into other black females in the lifestyle but primarily through groups directed more towards black swingers. But, we find that these groups are often poorly ran or VERY cliquish. We find it difficult to meet other black people that are interested in black people when in groups that are majority white because it seems in those groups the focus is on interracial fantasies primarily with black men. But, we are two black females and tend to get approached almost always from non-black couples and singles which is just fine (as a fantasy of never having been with a black woman or "trying" black). Being approached from that POV is actually quite the turn off because we don't want to be seen as something "to try." We are not a hobby or thing we don't view others that way no matter their race.

 

Getting off soap box.

 

But, the DC Metro Area definitely embraces diversity through and through

[Mr. Fuse 15]

We've played a couple of times with a black couple that we like a lot. She was the first non-white woman I'd ever been with, but I can truthfully say that the color of their skin made no difference whatsoever, at least to me. The fact that they are black was neither a positive nor negative when it came to what we liked about them when we met them.

 

They did tell us that they'd been to a party where they were the only black couple there and felt uncomfortable because they were treated as a novelty. He said men were approaching him all night asking him to sleep with their wives while they watched.

 

Some of the couples in our area goes as far as explicitly writing in their profiles that they're not interested in blacks or interracial couples. If that's how they feel, why don't they just turn those couples down, or do what most people do and just ignore their emails? We try not to associate with those couples.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I'm feeling the love, y'all! It's compliments like that that I remember as I'm fighting sleep to get to the gym in the morning.

 

If I had to mention one downside to being a minority in lifestyle to another black woman, it is from couples that seem more interested in being with you because they get to check something off their to-do list than anything else. We've met people that approached us as if we are the novelty act at the local carnival. So much so that I've thought of asking people if they thought I was going to do magic tricks in bed or something. It's certainly not flattering.

 

But, other than that....I have no complaints....

 

Pepper

 

Oh, and Pepper is a reference to skin color...and spiciness

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Nope. In fact, I believe their listings are on this site. But, as I've said before, I'd rather people be straight-up with their preferences rather than get the cold shoulder once there.

 

Pepper

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

If I had to mention one downside to being a minority in lifestyle to another black woman, it is from couples that seem more interested in being with you because they get to check something off their to-do list than anything else.

 

You know, if I thought I was a fantasy to be checked off someone's list, I do not think I would very enthusiastic. Of course on the other hand, I doubt many people have brown haired, blue eyed, average built married guys on their "to do" list. I guess that means I just have to work a little harder! Neither Muffy nor I have a list to fulfill, but we do have the requirement for a connection, and if that connection takes us places we have never been before, so be it. Having read many of Pepper's posts, I could see an intellectual connection happening.

 

Pepper, I read many of your posts and until you mentioned your skin color, I never gave it a thought. I actually studied the the avatar pic that day and smacked my forehead for not being more observant. Now, does that mean I am color blind or does that mean I'm a putz?

 

Chip (rolling with the flow)

[EternallySingle 32]

Location, Location, Location. Back when I was in Washingtong (the Fort Lewis/McChord AFB area), many swingers went LOOKING for single men, especially single black men. I thought that there was a change in the lifestyle that I had missed while in Europe. For three years I didn't have time for the internet or even hanging out with the guys because my 'dance card' was usually full every weekend.

 

When I moved back to Michigan, it was a year before I went to my first swing event, and that was only because I met a guy, quite by accident, who was a swinger and his wife thought I was attractive. While they lived here, I had no problem getting into clubs or parties. Then I learned a woman I dated off and on also was into swinging and we got more serious. When she moved for a new job and I stayed behind (the couple had moved a year after I met them) I was suddenly on the outs with both the people I knew as part of a couple with her AND the people I met as a single guy through the couple.

 

I went to Tacoma to visit and was approached by one of the couples I used to swing with when I saw them at my favorite bar&grill.

 

The moral of the story: Every region has its own swinging society with its own levels of comfort and acceptance. If you are in an area where you are mainly excluded, you have to look a little harder to find those who are looking for you.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

Being in L.A., the cultural melting-pot is a bit more diverse than in other parts of the world, maybe. I have noticed that most of the swingers in this area are either white or hispanic. There's a fair number of black men in the lifestyle ... but the number of black women I've run into has been a much smaller group. (Not as rare as the asian woman or asian guy).

 

I've never heard of any sort of discrimination against black women - or a lack of desire for them in the lifestyle.

 

((shrug)) ... I wouldn't mind seeing more black women at more events I go to. I find them to be very sweet and fun.

 

... of course, I'm probably a bit of a unique experience for a lot of swingers, too

[hard_habit 15]

Read all of the post and I must say that as a Black couple (actually she is mixed) we do find it hard to break the mold of meeting and playing with other couples of other races. We do attend alot of parties and most are majority white and a few blacks congregated in the corner somewhere. We have made efforts to meet and mingle outside of that box because we like diversity, but it always seems that people clique up and withdraw we have also posted on our profile SLS that we are open to all cultures because of this seperation. So we can relate.....very frustrating

[Sunshyne Sexy 15]

I am an african american female who is new to the lifestyle. However when I attended my first club I was sought after by men of all races. In addition to that, there was people from all walks of life at the club.

[MrkLin 393]

How do I feel about black women? Easy. The same way I feel about every woman.

 

1.) Is there a spark there that attracts me to her?

 

2.) Is she digging me as much as I'm digging her?

 

3.) Can we establish the rapport we need to move beyond talking?

 

4.) Is she thinking what I'm thinking? (Namely - any phrase that ends with "our brains out...")

 

If we connect on all of the above levels, I really don't care what your shoe size is. We seem to have something going, let's go.

 

You're black, I'm white - so what? I hope you can get beyond that, because I already am. And I'm thinking about what you're hiding there between your legs...

[easleyfuncpl 58]

My wife is black and generally it has been more of a turn-on for the guys. Also we are in South Carolina and have been with couples from North Carolina and Georgia. Being black shouldn't be an issue at all, of course you find the one or two couples that are white only, but that is their lost.

[Chicup 42]

I haven't looked at this thread in a very long time.

 

One thing did kind of strike me and that is that beyond the original issues of the OP that had nothing to do with race, this is a very silly thread.

 

Its sort of a 'you people' thread.

 

How do 'you people' feel about black women? Its meaningless posting unless you want to just raise your hand and say 'well golly gee, I like black women'.

 

There are racists in swinging who wouldn't play with a black female. There are people in swinging who view it as a fetish and would rather swing with a black female. There are people who are racist and would only swing with a black female, and then there are the rest of us who just say 'if I was attracted to her I'd swing with her.'

 

I have now covered every possible post that will be made in this thread that has anything to do with the subject line.

[Pensacolapair 394]

One thing did kind of strike me and that is that beyond the original issues of the OP that had nothing to do with race, this is a very silly thread...

 

I'm a bit confused here... what singles this question out as a 'silly thread' that can only be condusive to 'meaningless posting'? I submit that there are quite a few questions just as amenable to a Cliffs Notes answer:

 

How do swingers feel about oral sex

 

• Some people like oral sex
  
• Some people don't like oral sex
  
• Some people like it done to them, but won't do it to others
  
• Some people like to do it to others, but don't like it done to them
  
• And then the rest say if we are attracted to them, it's all good.
  

How do swingers feel about swinging with single men

• Some couples welcome adding another male to their fun
  
• Some couples don't want a single man joining their fun
  
• Some couples view it as a fetish, and only want to watch her have fun with single men
  
• The rest play with whomever they are attracted to
  

Do couples still have sex with other couples

• Some couples do
  
• Some couples don't
  
• The rest have sex with whomever they are attracted to
  

How do swingers feel about safe sex

• Some practice it always
  
• Some never practice it
  
• The rest play it on a case by case basis
  

How do swingers feel about tattoos...How do swingers feel about piercings...How do swingers feel about anal sex...How do swingers feel about lingerie...How do swingers feel about newbies....How do swingers feel about larger people... etc, etc, etc

 

I'm sure that many of the members of this board or any other board for that matter recognize the above topics as often-raised..over and over and over again! As a matter of fact, if posters save their responses, they can cut and paste the same answer they gave a month ago to a new thread on that subject someone will start tomorrow on a swing board somewhere. To be honest, if the same answering formula were to be applied to about 50% of the questions asked on Lifestyle message boards, you could knock them off without even having to get creative. Shouldn't they be as easily dismissed with hopeful finality by stating, "Some do, some don't and some punt"?

 

I thought the original question was actually rather unique - at least I had never seen it asked before, and I've been reading boards of this type for years. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I thought the whole idea was to allow people to ask questions and get answers - good, bad or indifferent.... am I missing something?

[Chicup 42]

I thought the original question was actually rather unique - at least I had never seen it asked before, and I've been reading boards of this type for years. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I thought the whole idea was to allow people to ask questions and get answers - good, bad or indifferent.... am I missing something?

 

There are silly threads all the time, and this had degenerated into one of them.

 

Read through the last 2 pages of responses, its just another variation of 'Why yes I do like black women' in every post.

 

A good question would be...

 

"I see that swingers are mostly white, will I have problems being accepted in swinging as a black woman?"

 

What this thread has turned into is....

 

"Do you like pie?"

 

"Yes I like pie!!!"

"I loves me some pie!"

"I like pie if it tastes good!"

"My wife bakes pies so its obvious I like pie!"

"I wish I had some sweet pie right now."

"Mmmm pie :drool:"

 

So if people want to keep posting how they like pie its up to them, I just think its a tad silly. No one will of course say the opposite, even if they don't like black women, so it has become something of a self affirmation thread.

[Guest screaminggood]

Chicup,

 

What you seem to be missing is the posters intent. The OP stated she is new and concerned about being welcomed into the lifestyle. What you term "silliness" is actually six pages worth of people telling the OP that she will very welcome at their home, club, and/or party.

 

What you deem as silly may just be exactly what the OP needed to hear. If it's not, hopefully she'll feel welcome enough on the Board to rephrase her question. A person's expression of good will toward another should never be discounted...in my opinion.

[Chicup 42]

Chicup,

 

What you seem to be missing is the posters intent. The OP stated she is new and concerned about being welcomed into the lifestyle. What you term "silliness" is actually six pages worth of people telling the OP that she will very welcome at their home, club, and/or party.

 

What you deem as silly may just be exactly what the OP needed to hear. If it's not, hopefully she'll feel welcome enough on the Board to rephrase her question. A person's expression of good will toward another should never be discounted...in my opinion.

 

I don't think people even remember the OP or they would be more worried about the fact that she was talking about swinging even though she had not had sex in 4 years (and this was from 2006 as it is).

 

They aren't addressing the OP, they are just responding to the thread title. Of course this is why I'm not a potential mod, well that and a few other things

[Pensacolapair 394]

There are silly threads all the time...

You are correct - as the examples I pointed out highlighted, there are 'silly' threads all the time. My point is out of all of them, how did this one become the one to declare as such?

 

Read through the last 2 pages of responses..

Actually, I did read all of the pages of the thread.. starting with the original question. And although it was worded differently from how you would have put it, I saw exactly the same information being asked for that your version suggested. There were quite a few responses that a person whom the subject actually applies to might find useful (especially someone new to the lifestyle, but not life) from the perspective of more experienced people who have applicable insight.

 

If your standard of measurement is the fact that no one has replied in the negative, perhaps the question that needs to be asked is "Why not?"..as it's no secret that there are those who do have such issues. I've seen those who aren't into interracial swinging unabashedly (and quite bluntly) state so on other boards - the only thing unique about this topic was that it restricted the focus to black women..I'm inclined to believe that being preemptively declared racist before they touch their keyboard might have something to do with no one so inclined having bothered to post.

 

"Anyone who doesn't like pie is silly, so let's only talk about cake"

I don't think people even remember the OP or they would be more worried about the fact that she was talking about swinging even though she had not had sex in 4 years...

Yes, I noted your preoccupation with one of the details..but rather than worry about the poster's dry-spell, I chose to respond to the question.

They aren't addressing the OP, they are just responding to the thread title. Of course this is why I'm not a potential mod..

Um, if declaring that others don't read the original post for a thread before they reply is your starting point... I agree - being a moderator might not be a good fit for you

[The Fuse 1,012]

I think the silliness comes in when people are asked "how they feel about" some characteristic of a person's appearance or identity, rather than how they feel about someone's preferences. I think it's because many aspects of our appearance and identity are difficult or impossible to change, so there is not that much basis for discussion. A long line of people expressing opinions about who someone is, or what they look like, without the give and take that goes with talking about preferences, sometimes does seem less stimulating.

 

Asking how people feel about bald men is different than asking how they feel about men who don't want to give oral sex. Asking how people feel about BBW's is different than asking how people feel about swinging with single women. Asking how I feel about black men is a little silly... either I am okay with it, or I'm not, or it's on a case by case basis. I'm in the "I like black skin" camp. It's got a yummy texture and I dig the visual contrast. But what can you say back after I say that? That's pretty much the end of the discussion. Asking how I feel about a guy who is into BDSM, provides more discussion possibilities.

 

In summary, it's much less interesting, and possibly silly, to me to read several pages of responses about how people feel about who someone is as opposed to how they feel about what they like or don't like, or what they will do or not do.

[VANudistcpl 109]

Asking people how they feel about anything will lead to answers like the one posted of the last two pages. People will tell you what they like for a number of reasons, but my point is who cares if they are black, white, red or anything else. If there is a connection between you then does it really matter?

 

I (Mr Nudist) grew up in the midwest during the sixties saw a lot of things that I really didn't understand then. Since I've been a nudist and in the lifestyle, I have learned that it doesn't matter what the person looks like or the color of their skin. It's their personality that matters. In the lifestyle we have clicked with people of all sizes and colors and had several good times.

 

Ok I'll get off my soap box now.

[Pensacolapair 394]

I see this question being no different than if someone were to ask,"We've heard that swingers aren't interested in older couples, why is that?" It's not asking if ageism is right or wrong - it's asking 1) Is it true and 2) From those who feel it is, for reasons why

 

Folks.. the original poster wasn't asking how should black women be accepted/perceived in the Lifestyle - she was asking how are black women accepted/perceived in the lifestyle. There is a hugh difference. I should be able to leave my car running in the summertime while I pop in to get a soda at the Circle K...but the reality is that it's really not a good idea!

 

She stated "I have been told by several experienced swingers that most swingers are not interested in black females", and posted the question to get other opinions - either supporting what she had been told or contrary to what she had been told. Personally, I think there have been and continue to be answers on both sides...but I will concede that there have been more on the "I like pie" side.

 

Although my original response to the question was made in a joking manner, it also served to point out that there are black people who swing..so by default it's not a totally lost cause. In the context that the OP asked the question (she was planning on checking out the club scene), I know from personal experience that there are individuals, groups and venues where black females are unwelcome at the worst, or at best, treated as an afterthought:

• We have been to parties where it turned out after we got there that the primary interest was in having a black male... although they were polite, it was evident from their actions my wife was expected to be a spectator... although more than welcome to play with her own clit.
  
• One of the weirdest things we ever stumbled on to was the night we were partying at a Meet n Greet and were invited to an after-party by a mixed couple (black man/white woman)we had met. It turned out that the other couples invited were interracial couples too - and only one other black woman there besides my wife.As far as the other men there were concerned, the two black women may as well have been invisible!
  
• We have met couples with the same hidden agenda, where it turned out that my wife was only supposed to be along for the ride - the husband preferred to watch his wife, take pictures and pull his pud.One wife even expected her to understand that, "It's nothing personal, he just isn't into black gals".
  
• Just as an earlier poster mentioned, we can't count the number of times we've been expected to be flattered by "I've always wanted to fuck a black chick" or "we've been looking for a couple with a bi black chick forever"...but on the upside, I guess it shows that there is some specific interest in black women.
  

Yes..the thread is old, and the OP probably has been gone from the board for a couple of years - but so what? IMO, the original question was a good one, and going with the idea that if one person asks a particular question, there are very likely more people out there wondering the same thing - entirely relevant.

[Chicup 42]

I see this question being no different than if someone were to ask,"We've heard that swingers aren't interested in older couples, why is that?" It's not asking if ageism is right or wrong - it's asking 1) Is it true and 2) From those who feel it is, for reasons why

 

Folks.. the original poster wasn't asking how should black women be accepted/perceived in the Lifestyle - she was asking how are black women accepted/perceived in the lifestyle. There is a hugh difference. I should be able to leave my car running in the summertime while I pop in to get a soda at the Circle K...but the reality is that it's really not a good idea!

 

She stated "I have been told by several experienced swingers that most swingers are not interested in black females", and posted the question to get other opinions - either supporting what she had been told or contrary to what she had been told. Personally, I think there have been and continue to be answers on both sides...but I will concede that there have been more on the "I like pie" side.

 

Although my original response to the question was made in a joking manner, it also served to point out that there are black people who swing..so by default it's not a totally lost cause. In the context that the OP asked the question (she was planning on checking out the club scene), I know from personal experience that there are individuals, groups and venues where black females are unwelcome at the worst, or at best, treated as an afterthought:

• We have been to parties where it turned out after we got there that the primary interest was in having a black male... although they were polite, it was evident from their actions my wife was expected to be a spectator... although more than welcome to play with her own clit.
  
• One of the weirdest things we ever stumbled on to was the night we were partying at a Meet n Greet and were invited to an after-party by a mixed couple (black man/white woman)we had met. It turned out that the other couples invited were interracial couples too - and only one other black woman there besides my wife.As far as the other men there were concerned, the two black women may as well have been invisible!
  
• We have met couples with the same hidden agenda, where it turned out that my wife was only supposed to be along for the ride - the husband preferred to watch his wife, take pictures and pull his pud.One wife even expected her to understand that, "It's nothing personal, he just isn't into black gals".
  
• Just as an earlier poster mentioned, we can't count the number of times we've been expected to be flattered by "I've always wanted to fuck a black chick" or "we've been looking for a couple with a bi black chick forever"...but on the upside, I guess it shows that there is some specific interest in black women.
  

Yes..the thread is old, and the OP probably has been gone from the board for a couple of years - but so what? IMO, the original question was a good one, and going with the idea that if one person asks a particular question, there are very likely more people out there wondering the same thing - entirely relevant.

 

Excellent, now its no longer a silly post. Perhaps I did something constructive by prompting you to turn a pie thread into a something more meaningful. That or I just got lucky Either way, its an interesting perspective.

 

Your experiences are informative but I have to wonder how many issues were because of your wifes race and how much was normal seeming swinging idiocy.

 

[*]We have been to parties where it turned out after we got there that the primary interest was in having a black male... although they were polite, it was evident from their actions my wife was expected to be a spectator... although more than welcome to play with her own clit.

[*]One of the weirdest things we ever stumbled on to was the night we were partying at a Meet n Greet and were invited to an after-party by a mixed couple (black man/white woman)we had met. It turned out that the other couples invited were interracial couples too - and only one other black woman there besides my wife.As far as the other men there were concerned, the two black women may as well have been invisible!

 

Now these seem to fall into the fetish category and seem to be unusual circumstances.

 

In the first, my theory is that there is racism involved. The black male/white female is one of those taboos that hasn't abated much since the days of slavery. The seeming preference for successful black males to marry white women is almost cliche. The racism part comes in I think in the minds of the white males involved. They don't' feel threatened by a black male, hes viewed as a sex toy. They know their wife won't leave them for a black man so they can get their 'other man' fantasies taken care of without the normal jealousy/insecurity. I've come to this conclusion from a few posts we have had on this board over the years. I don't know how common this is, its not something we have experience with but I wouldn't be shocked if that was a big part of the couples that seem to look for black males exclusively.

 

The second situation falls again into the more fetish like 'black man/white woman' thing. Since it was a party for interracial couples, most of which were black males and white females, they already showed their preferences in partners. I'm not surprised you would be the odd couple out.

 

[*]We have met couples with the same hidden agenda, where it turned out that my wife was only supposed to be along for the ride - the husband preferred to watch his wife, take pictures and pull his pud.One wife even expected her to understand that, "It's nothing personal, he just isn't into black gals".

 

This one could just be normal swinging idiocy. I don't get the husband only watches thing personally, and really don't get the ones who are not upfront about it. We have heard this complaint before, and it had nothing to do with race in those cases. Obviously they knew your wife was black prior, they still went ahead. I'd call it more rudeness.

 

[*]Just as an earlier poster mentioned, we can't count the number of times we've been expected to be flattered by "I've always wanted to fuck a black chick" or "we've been looking for a couple with a bi black chick forever"...but on the upside, I guess it shows that there is some specific interest in black women.

 

There is a biological phenomena known as the 'rare male' effect. Studied in other animals and insects, what it means is that the less common male ends up getting more females. To put in human terms, lets say every guy has blond hair and one guy has red hair, the red hair guy gets more action. BUT if everyone had red hair and one guy is blond, THAT guy gets more action. This has been studied more in males but I can see how it can apply to females as well. Black females in swinging are pretty rare compared to whites and black males. This will of course attract some people (and apparently in your case, rather uncouth people). I can fully understand having a mental bucket list of 'have sex with black woman' but I can't understand saying 'I've always wanted to fuck a black chick' to her face.

 

My question to you is, do you feel black women are accepted in swinging?

[easleyfuncpl 58]

I totally agree with you pensacolapair.

 

It is nice to see this subject here because those experiences you mentioned are probably not unique to many black swingers (at least those who try to integrate anyway). It is nice to see this board is so open to whatever as long as the attraction is there, but I know that is NOT the case everywhere.

 

My husband replied earlier that we've had no problems (he's white, I'm black). Bless him he can be blind sometimes.

 

1) You will absolutely see in people's profile's "we don't do interracial" (so does that mean you would screw an all of one race couple?) "we only like white, hispanic or asian couples" (ie no black people...I feel those people are the worst. just say it) and "no blacks!" (how do I feel about this? thanks for being honest even though it does sting, but it's their preference. move on.)

 

2) At parties I can be this mythical object to most people. I have been gawked at and completely stolen the show when I go to parties and play with people I already know. But thats just it...no new people. You can tell men are attracted to me, but they just won't take the step...or they wait until their wives leave which is just weird to me.

 

3) And yes, you will get the "I only want to be with you because you're black" people. This can be quite annoying, and we tend to avoid people like that.

 

So yes, there are issues that black couples will face in the broad swinging world, just as there are issues that blacks may face in their everyday world. My best advice is to do exactly what the poster did...which is ask the questions to people who know! Ask about clubs and parties. Read certs. Or just say screw it, go to the club, and just hope your personality (and your yummy curves) shine through.

 

And this would have been a MUCH more interesting topic if someone had come out and said...you know what, I just don't prefer blacks. And, just to stir the pot I will admit it. My preference is with white men over all others. If I am at a party I am more open minded to all people, but I have hit the delete button a bit more readily when black males have messaged us showing interest. There. I said it.

[Chicup 42]

And this would have been a MUCH more interesting topic if someone had come out and said...you know what, I just don't prefer blacks. And, just to stir the pot I will admit it. My preference is with white men over all others. If I am at a party I am more open minded to all people, but I have hit the delete button a bit more readily when black males have messaged us showing interest. There. I said it.

 

I just don't prefer blacks.

 

I'm not sure how this makes it more interesting though. It IS just a preference that is much like how I prefer women with red hair. My wife is Scandinavian blond (which is a close second to red hair for me , and as a rule I'm just into the northern European look. Being my ancestory is 100% northern European, I don't find this shocking or troubling.

 

My preference is based on purely physical characteristics so its not one there can be a lot of debate on. I know black women in the vanilla world who I would swing with, its not racism in classic terms, but its racial characteristics I don't find that attractive to me. Those black women I'm attracted to do not have the characteristics I find unattractive. Interesting when I spend more time with a black woman I will find her more attractive, but we don't get to spend that sort of time with potential swing partners.

[Pensacolapair 394]

Your experiences are informative but I have to wonder how many issues were because of your wifes race and how much was normal seeming swinging idiocy.

I'm inclined not to attribute it to the occasional brain-fart encountered in swinging - primarily because if you remove the element of race, in the situations I mentioned, they wouldn't have occurred.

This one could just be normal swinging idiocy. I don't get the husband only watches thing personally, and really don't get the ones who are not upfront about it. We have heard this complaint before, and it had nothing to do with race in those cases. Obviously they knew your wife was black prior, they still went ahead. I'd call it more rudeness.

In the hidden-agenda situations I referred to, the husbands involved specific turn on was watching a black man play with their wife. Since we make it clear that we only play as a couple, were it not for my being black, we wouldn't have been contacted by those couples. There is a certain type of person within the Lifestyle who figures that others will often 'go along' with a situation once it's presented as 'well, that's all we're willing to do' out of some over-inflated sense of politeness. Unfortunatly for them, the ones who tried it with us found out that since we saw it as dishonesty, politeness didn't figure into the equation or the response.

...I can fully understand having a mental bucket list of 'have sex with black woman' but I can't understand saying 'I've always wanted to fuck a black chick' to her face.

I honestly believe that most of those who have made comments like that to us really thought that they were being complimentary. Others may have possibly figured they had found a yin for their yang - a black woman/couple who always wanted to fuck a white guy/couple, so it was an appropriate way to approach things. This might sound strange, but we don't have a problem with anyone having a fantasy or what trips their trigger. Always wanted to fuck a black chick..? Cool. Want to see your wife with a black couple..? Cool. Got a serious 'Chocolate Fantasy'..? Cool. But we don't understand the need to communicate it to us. I've often wondered - if they were to meet an applicable person, are they going to point out to them that they always wanted to fuck an avaerage white chick with small tits who wore glasses? I seriously doubt it! Keep it to yourself and you still get to enjoy your fantasy plus we get to have our fantasy too...our fantasy is to fuck people who want to fuck us because they think we are sexually attractive and cool people - not because we have a higher melanin content in our skin. I know... very egotistical of us, but we're funny like that. We have told quite a few people 'No thanks' for that reason alone, who, had they approached us just as any other couple they were interested in meeting, would have been a definate "Would luv to!"

...My question to you is, do you feel black women are accepted in swinging?

Accepted..? Yes - but in a considerably narrower range of the Lifestyle spectrum. The highest level of acceptance for black women is, naturally, within the black swinging community. From there it begins to drop off considerably. The overwhelming number of Lifestylers happen to be white. It's been like that as long as I can remember, although the numbers of people of color have grown considerably over the years. As a result, my observation has been that initially, women of color period tend to be pretty much viewed as a 'novelty'. Black women, Hispanic women, and Asian women are often seen as being 'exotic' or rumored to have sexual aggressiveness or mysterious knowledge/skills not found in those not of that particular ethnicity. In other words, it's not restricted to whites versus others..I personally know quite a few black people who find asian women incredibly exotic and even believe that they are privy to ancient techniques that are guarenteed to bring about near-fatal orgasmic pleasure. However..just as a black woman in the same circumstance when belief in those stereotypes isn't present, they have to rely on the same 'nice tits', 'great ass' or 'sexy attitude' that any other woman does to inspire interest.

I also have found that, for some reason (I have a theory, but don't want to type that much tonight!), some white people both male and female are intimidated by black women, even more so than black men. While some people are turned on by an intimidating presence - far more are turned off by one..especially in a social setting.

...And this would have been a MUCH more interesting topic if someone had come out and said...you know what, I just don't prefer blacks.

I don't know if it would have made it more interesting..but it would have made it a truer reflection of reality. However, I also understand the reluctance that people have to go there.. primarily because our society has kicked the sensitivity pendulum so far out of arc that erring on the side of caution is a substitute for intelligent debate. I agree with you - I applaud this site's success in having intelligent (for the most part), passionate yet polite (for the most part) and well expressed (okay, a majority of the time) opinions.

...My preference is based on purely physical characteristics so its not one there can be a lot of debate on. I know black women in the vanilla world who I would swing with, its not racism in classic terms, but its racial characteristics I don't find that attractive to me. Those black women I'm attracted to do not have the characteristics I find unattractive..

I've heard this line of thought expressed more and more lately. I understand exactly what you are saying..but I will admit that I'm having a problem not seeing a racially negative connotation. Following that line of thought: Naomi Campbell would be more attractive if she had smaller lips, a narrower nose, a couple shades lighter skin, and straighter hair. Um..otay. That's Heidi Klum - their measurements for all of the sexy parts are almost identical! So wouldn't it be more accurate to say, "I like black women if they look like white women with permanent tans"..? Not to mention it takes far less words to say!

[Chicup 42]

Pensacolapair - Somehow I misread your post and an others and was under the impression you were white yourself. This does change some of my 'swinging idiocy' posts, especially the one with the couple. That seems to be the prototypical black man fantasy with a extra dose of rude.

 

I've heard this line of thought expressed more and more lately. I understand exactly what you are saying..but I will admit that I'm having a problem not seeing a racially negative connotation. Following that line of thought: Naomi Campbell would be more attractive if she had smaller lips, a narrower nose, a couple shades lighter skin, and straighter hair. Um..otay. That's Heidi Klum - their measurements for all of the sexy parts are almost identical! So wouldn't it be more accurate to say, "I like black women if they look like white women with permanent tans"..? Not to mention it takes far less words to say!

 

You know I had to look up Naomi Campbell (I've heard the name but I'm not a celebrity person) and I think shes pretty hot as is based on the glamor shots, who knows in person. One shot I found seemed to be 'on the street' and it looks like she heavily makeups her face and doesn't have that flawless skin you see in the glamor shots.

 

It might be more accurate to say 'I like white women with permanent tans', except it would also be a lie as I like white women with stupid-fish belly white skin, its that red hair thing. I've joked that my penis is a racist but the only racial undertone I see is that some features are more common in some races. I personally like asian women but I am not attracted to those with a very flat profile. Is it because its 'less white'? Perhaps, but it doesn't really matter does it?

 

My sexual preferences are by no means a logical or even emotional choice, they are simply what they are for whatever reason and there are piles of conflicting literature trying to explain why we like what we like sexually.

 

I also have found that, for some reason (I have a theory, but don't want to type that much tonight!), some white people both male and female are intimidated by black women, even more so than black men. While some people are turned on by an intimidating presence - far more are turned off by one..especially in a social setting

 

I'd be interested on hearing more about this when you have time.

[easleyfuncpl 58]

I'd be interested on hearing more about this when you have time.

 

That's stereotypical. Not all black women are intimidating.

 

That's my biggest issue because I wonder if some of these people's objections to blacks have to do with negative, BS stereotypes (personality traits/characteristics) or an actualy lack of attraction to blacks. If it's the former that (to me) screams ignorance much more than the latter which (to me) speaks to preference.

[Pensacolapair 394]

That's stereotypical. Not all black women are intimidating.

 

That's my biggest issue because I wonder if some of these people's objections to blacks have to do with negative, BS stereotypes (personality traits/characteristics) or an actualy lack of attraction to blacks. If it's the former that (to me) screams ignorance much more than the latter which (to me) speaks to preference.

 

100% true... to say that all black women are intimidating is just as much a stereotype as saying all black men tuck their dicks into the top of their socks. Is it ignorance - yep! But it's apparent from the number of BBC seekers that particular stereotype has quite a few subscribers...and influences their behavior. It stands to reason that those who believe the stereoype of all black women being head-rocking powder kegs looking for someone to go off on will probably let it influence theirs.

 

The fact of the matter is that all racism is based on stereotypes - making it, by default, ignorant. However, the unfortunate reality is that if someone is ignorant enough to take a stereotype at face value, it will influence their opinions and reactions when interacting with members of the group being stereotyped. Ignorance has a annoying habit of begetting more ignorance.

[Chicup 42]

If it is in fact preference, then there is nothing you can really do about it, but if its stereotype you can.

 

For instance if the stereotype is that black women are domineering and bitchy then you can go out of your way to be friendly. You have to approach the couples and show that you are not the stereotype.

 

Maybe its not fair, but what else can you do?

[Pensacolapair 394]

If it is in fact preference, then there is nothing you can really do about it, but if its stereotype you can.

 

For instance if the stereotype is that black women are domineering and bitchy then you can go out of your way to be friendly. You have to approach the couples and show that you are not the stereotype.

 

Maybe its not fair, but what else can you do?

 

Yeah..that is one way to go. Or......................

 

One could realize that someone ignorant enough to believe that any personality traits can be consistantly attributed to all members of any race has been nurturing that concept for at least 20 or so years - and a few minutes of 'Like me, like me' has an incredibly low chance of changing their mind. If you could manage to get stuck in an elevator with them for a couple of hours, you might have a shot. We've seen people 'go out of their way to be friendly'... they usually wind up being perceived by all in attendance as pushy, needy, or at best, annoying.

 

As an alternative my wife chooses to be equally friendly to all, and takes note of those who react like she just farted in church - those are probably the one's who aren't interested, the reason being moot. They are removed from the equation. Those that react friendly in return and exhibit a willingness to actually find out what kind of person she is - those are probably the ones who might be open to something more. From that point on..it's pretty much the same as any other Lifestyle attempt to connect. Perhaps we've been lucky, but with only a few exceptions, using this method, we've attracted more than enough interested couples at Meet n Greets and Clubs over the years - even with the handicap of my being an unrepentant smartass!

[easleyfuncpl 58]

If it is in fact preference, then there is nothing you can really do about it, but if its stereotype you can.

 

For instance if the stereotype is that black women are domineering and bitchy then you can go out of your way to be friendly. You have to approach the couples and show that you are not the stereotype.

 

Maybe its not fair, but what else can you do?

 

those people are not worth my time. i have no need to beg someone to like me (or screw me for that matter). in fact, that makes them instantly unattractive to me (but somehow that doesn't seem to matter?). the days of blacks/other minorities having to prove anything to anyone should be over. besides, i'm way too much of a catch (or so i've been told).

 

and even if i were to knock down their wall of ignorance, it wouldn't make a difference for the next black woman that walks through their door. they'd have to prove themselves as well as the next one and the next.

 

why do that when there are so many other (probably more attractive) people out there to fuck? write them off as ignorant and make someone else's night...

 

that being said...yea there are ignorant people out there, but fuck 'em...oh wait no don't do that!

[Chicup 42]

Yeah..that is one way to go. Or......................

 

One could realize that someone ignorant enough to believe that any personality traits can be consistantly attributed to all members of any race has been nurturing that concept for at least 20 or so years - and a few minutes of 'Like me, like me' has an incredibly low chance of changing their mind. If you could manage to get stuck in an elevator with them for a couple of hours, you might have a shot. We've seen people 'go out of their way to be friendly'... they usually wind up being perceived by all in attendance as pushy, needy, or at best, annoying.

 

As an alternative my wife chooses to be equally friendly to all, and takes note of those who react like she just farted in church - those are probably the one's who aren't interested, the reason being moot. They are removed from the equation. Those that react friendly in return and exhibit a willingness to actually find out what kind of person she is - those are probably the ones who might be open to something more. From that point on..it's pretty much the same as any other Lifestyle attempt to connect. Perhaps we've been lucky, but with only a few exceptions, using this method, we've attracted more than enough interested couples at Meet n Greets and Clubs over the years - even with the handicap of my being an unrepentant smartass!

 

 

those people are not worth my time. i have no need to beg someone to like me (or screw me for that matter). in fact, that makes them instantly unattractive to me (but somehow that doesn't seem to matter?). the days of blacks/other minorities having to prove anything to anyone should be over. besides, i'm way too much of a catch (or so i've been told).

 

and even if i were to knock down their wall of ignorance, it wouldn't make a difference for the next black woman that walks through their door. they'd have to prove themselves as well as the next one and the next.

 

why do that when there are so many other (probably more attractive) people out there to fuck? write them off as ignorant and make someone else's night...

 

that being said...yea there are ignorant people out there, but fuck 'em...oh wait no don't do that!

 

So you don't have any problems finding partners, just that some don't give you the time of day because you are black. Well at least you can blame bigotry for it, when I don't get the time of day from people I know its just because I'm ugly

[Pensacolapair 394]

This continued debate on race and racial attitudes is interesting.I do not see what purpose is served...

Oh, I don't know..maybe the same purpose that the threads about religion and sex, age and sex, feelings of jealousy,dick size, etc, etc, etc accomplish. As they have an impact on persons with those concerns' individual experience of swinging, they ask questions and welcome the resulting discussions.

It certainly allows some members to talk about their general intolerance but under the radar of their alleged "preference"...

True.. and as you've demonstrated, it certainly allows for previously unmentioned 'angles' to be introduced...thereby keeping the discussion alive.

So you don't have any problems finding partners, just that some don't give you the time of day because you are black. Well at least you can blame bigotry for it, when I don't get the time of day from people I know its just because I'm ugly

Look on the bright side - You could be ugly and black!!

[easleyfuncpl 58]

So you don't have any problems finding partners

 

yup

 

just that some don't give you the time of day because you are black

 

true

 

Well at least you can blame bigotry for it

 

also true. bigotry, discrimination, stereotypes...whatever you want to call the beast are a daily truth in this world. it is what it is. why do you seem so threatened by this fact that sarcasm was necessary? i can only assume that talking about such issues makes you uncomfortable.

 

i think the idea that never talking about race or racism will make it magically go away is so laughable. the more open we are about the subjects the more ignorance and intolerance can be broken down. aren't you the one that said black women should go "sell" themselves to impress white couples? hah!

 

on the other hand you are accusing me of...say playing the race card? i don't know how "NO BLACKS" on someone's profile is crying wolf.

 

really i don't know what your point was. other than that this topic makes you uncomfortable.

[Chicup 42]

y

also true. bigotry, discrimination, stereotypes...whatever you want to call the beast are a daily truth in this world. it is what it is. why do you seem so threatened by this fact that sarcasm was necessary? i can only assume that talking about such issues makes you uncomfortable.

 

Uncomfortable? Who is the one who took this topic from 'I like pie' to something meaningful? I'm plenty comfortable.

 

i think the idea that never talking about race or racism will make it magically go away is so laughable.

 

See the above.

 

the more open we are about the subjects the more ignorance and intolerance can be broken down. aren't you the one that said black women should go "sell" themselves to impress white couples? hah!

 

You are being overly defensive. We ALL sell ourselves when we are swinging. We shower, put on our best 'sexy' clothes, we flirt, we dance, we tell jokes, we do whatever it takes to make that other person think 'why yes I would like to have sex with them'. There are in fact negative stereotypes about black women. You can work to defuse them or not, you can teach or just perpetuate, up to you.

 

on the other hand you are accusing me of...say playing the race card? i don't know how "NO BLACKS" on someone's profile is crying wolf.

 

I've never said race is NOT an issue, but just because someone blows you off doesn't mean they are a bigot. They may just think you are not attractive. I can't count how many times I've been blown off by white women, and I don't have a race card to play there. If I were black, how would I know the difference?

 

really i don't know what your point was. other than that this topic makes you uncomfortable.

 

To have a more meaningful discussion about race and swinging beyond pie. Where you think I'm uncomfortable, I have no idea, I think I'm one of the few people here who is comfortable talking about their own opinions on the subject. I rather doubt I'm the only white person here who has a general preference on looks which can be narrowed down to race.

[The Fuse 1,012]

To have a more meaningful discussion about race and swinging beyond pie. Where you think I'm uncomfortable, I have no idea, I think I'm one of the few people here who is comfortable talking about their own opinions on the subject.

This is definitely true. Chicup, Pensacola and one or two others are responsible for taking a thread that had gone seriously downhill and making a very thoughtful discussion out of it.

 

When I read the "at least you can blame bigotry for it" line, I thought that was a comment on the occasional folk who tend to blame most rejection on their color. Bigotry does exist. Then again, we all face rejection, regardless of our race. So it can be hard to know, for someone who is of color, why they are being rejected. If we don't know the reason, it is easy to blame the obvious.

[easleyfuncpl 58]

you can teach or just perpetuate, up to you.

ah so you assume I perpetuate this stereotype?

 

I'd rather just be who I am. If you see what's not there because of skin color, you will see it no matter what. there is also a difference between showering, etc. and trying to knock down years of stereotypical mindsets. that's too much work to put into an activity that you can do with the loving partner you already have. like i said, and i'm sure other black women would agree, those people are not worth it.

 

but just because someone blows you off doesn't mean they are a bigot. They may just think you are not attractive. I can't count how many times I've been blown off by white women, and I don't have a race card to play there. If I were black, how would I know the difference?

 

i never said because someone "blows me off" they are a bigot, even if they tell me it's because i'm black. i do believe i am the one that brought up the subject earlier of being a-ok with preference, as i have my own...but let's just ignore that so I can be accused of race card pulling.

 

i don't think anyone has stated "whenever anyone blows me off it's because i'm black." in fact we all gave concrete reasons why we KNOW it was due to race (ie "NO BLACKS" in profiles). how am I playing any card here?

 

...and I believe it's uncomfortable for you because of the fact that you have on several occassions challenged someone's experiences and just attempted to negate them by calling it "playing a race card" without actually giving thought to their post. i would never presume to know your experiences better than you. why wouldn't you do the same? it's as if the idea that people do face discrimination bothers you. it has to be something else! you're delusional!

 

how could someone possibly be offended by that?

[easleyfuncpl 58]

You are being overly defensive. We ALL sell ourselves when we are swinging. We shower, put on our best 'sexy' clothes, we flirt, we dance, we tell jokes, we do whatever it takes to make that other person think 'why yes I would like to have sex with them'. There are in fact negative stereotypes about black women. You can work to defuse them or not, you can teach or just perpetuate, up to you.

 

So basically you said my wife should spend her days making sure that at every social event she is responding in a non-stereotypical way so that individuals like yourself don't have your racial views enforced?

 

How come all racial minorities don't follow your simple advice so that racism can finally end? Basically they should make sure they don't worry whitey so that whitey isn't scared by those minorities. God forbid that they are actually are individuals and not just a collective hive mind of cultural stereotypes.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Lordy Lordy.... What a roller coaster ride this thread has become.

 

 

 

[*]We have been to parties where it turned out after we got there that the primary interest was in having a black male... although they were polite, it was evident from their actions my wife was expected to be a spectator... although more than welcome to play with her own clit.

 

Now these seem to fall into the fetish category and seem to be unusual circumstances.

 

In the first, my theory is that there is racism involved.

 

This is definately a racial/ fetish issue. There are (for whatever reason) a lot of white women who have a fetish for black men (as can be seen in various ads). Rarely do you ever see an ad where they are specifically seeking black women, but it's very common to see a couple or woman seeking a black man (or BBC).

 

2) At parties I can be this mythical object to most people. I have been gawked at and completely stolen the show when I go to parties and play with people I already know. But thats just it...no new people. You can tell men are attracted to me, but they just won't take the step...or they wait until their wives leave which is just weird to me.

 

How often do you take the step to approach? What I've found (unfortunately) those rare times we encounter black couples at the parties we attend is that they DO put themselves in a corner and even when we try to approach them they just seem so uncomfortable that we assume they are not interested in us (and perhaps that is true), but too often that is the vibe that everyone around them is getting. They are not comfortable so no one approaches them. This same thing would happen regardless of their skin color and is often the very reason why so many couples who are new to a social/party/club leave feeling like no one was friendly. Just showing up isn't enough, and once you do show up you can't wait for people to approach you. You have to let them know you are open to fun (by appearing relaxed and approachable) and if you are interested you have to take the step to let others know that too (by doing the approaching on occasion).

 

 

 

So yes, there are issues that black couples will face in the broad swinging world, just as there are issues that blacks may face in their everyday world. My best advice is to do exactly what the poster did...which is ask the questions to people who know! Ask about clubs and parties. Read certs. Or just say screw it, go to the club, and just hope your personality (and your yummy curves) shine through.

 

Excellent point and great advice.

 

 

 

 

also true. bigotry, discrimination, stereotypes...whatever you want to call the beast are a daily truth in this world. it is what it is. why do you seem so threatened by this fact that sarcasm was necessary? i can only assume that talking about such issues makes you uncomfortable.

 

i think the idea that never talking about race or racism will make it magically go away is so laughable. the more open we are about the subjects the more ignorance and intolerance can be broken down. aren't you the one that said black women should go "sell" themselves to impress white couples? hah!

 

on the other hand you are accusing me of...say playing the race card? i don't know how "NO BLACKS" on someone's profile is crying wolf.

 

really i don't know what your point was. other than that this topic makes you uncomfortable.

 

I think you missed what Chicup's point is here. I realize you came back and later said that not every time you are rejected it is because of race... but that is the way that you came off initially. Also, the point he was making is that at least you can come up with a valid reason when you are rejected, while us "whitey"s (as you so nicely referred to us) can only blame it on the fact that we are ugly (not attractive to those who are rejecting us).

 

When I read the "at least you can blame bigotry for it" line, I thought that was a comment on the occasional folk who tend to blame most rejection on their color. Bigotry does exist. Then again, we all face rejection, regardless of our race. So it can be hard to know, for someone who is of color, why they are being rejected. If we don't know the reason, it is easy to blame the obvious.

 

Nail. Hammer. Head.

 

So basically you said my wife should spend her days making sure that at every social event she is responding in a non-stereotypical way so that individuals like yourself don't have your racial views enforced?

 

Basically, he said that ALL of us should make an effort to sell ourselves... that's what we do whenever we write a personal ad or go to a club with the idea that we want to meet others to have sex.. we are marketing ourselves. And whatever our characteristics may be it, it is up to each of us to market ourselves properly so that those we wish to be attractive to, find us attractive. Unfortunately, it's not always going to happen - no matter what we do.

 

So we do the best we can - we shower before we go and make sure to put on deodarent, we fix our hair, paint our nail and put on make-up (well us women do anyway). And when we get there, we make an effort to be friendly to all those around us and not sit in the corner with our arms crossed thinking "boo hoo... no body wants to meet me because..........(fill in the blank". Instead we go and we are friendly and we make an effort and we introduce ourselves and give people the chance to decide if they want to meet us or move on.

 

How come all racial minorities don't follow your simple advice so that racism can finally end? Basically they should make sure they don't worry whitey so that whitey isn't scared by those minorities. God forbid that they are actually are individuals and not just a collective hive mind of cultural stereotypes.

 

First off, your use of the term "whitey" is no more acceptable than any white person's use of the N word would be on here.

 

Second, again you missed the point. No one is telling you to try to be more white, or act more white. Just try to act more friendly. You'll still get rejected on occasion, and there will still be those ads that say "white only", but guess what? we all get rejected and we all see ads on occasion that say something that makes it clear that we are not welcome to them, so we move on and find someone who is open to whatever characteristics we have.

[easleyfuncpl 58]

I had it all quoted out and nicely written but then the browser messed up. I'm not going through all that again and I'm late for class.

 

Anyway my reply to JUSTASKJULIE basically went like this:

 

 

1) Read through my first message before accusing me of coming off in anyway. I actually never talked about rejection (just blatant racial qualifiers in people's profiles). My concerns were mostly about being this mythical object or being a fetish that ranged on offensive because of it's stereotypical connotations.

 

2) I am a social butterfly at parties. It would have made more sense for you to ask me if I was reserved rather than sticking me in a category of blacks from your sole experience. I just don't understand the assumptions people make about people they don't know.

 

3) The "whitey" remark was made by my white husband. When he was writing it he was angry because, no Chiccup did not say we should all try to sell ourselves. He equated the fact that we DO sell ourselves (shaving, etc.) with the need to go out of your way to tear down SOMEONE ELSE'S racial stereotypes. While that was deplorable of him, it was just as deplorable to suggest that minorities need to prove anything to anybody.

 

It is an individual's personal responsibility to examine how they view the world and question those views constantly. If someone holds a stereotype, it is their responsibility to challenge that belief. It is THEIR problem. Saying that black women should go out of the way to downplay any racial stereotypes that someone may have about them is blaming the victim.

 

This is a particularly sore subject to me, and I'm sure also for other blacks that must integrate into the dominate culture in this society because you are constantly, constantly challenged to prove yourself. People learn that I graduated at the top of my class and am now in a respected masters program, they gasp. I open my mouth and correct english comes out and they are amazed. Yet I still get stupid questions from people that are ONLY rooted in racial stereotypes. Now I ask you, WHY ON EARTH at a swingers party should I go out of my way and deal with that kind of STRESS? Coupled with the fact that I knock down racial stereotypes by just being me, yet people still apply them to me. Me trying to prove myself to other people does NOT work. Someone's willingness to challenge their beliefs DOES. This kind of personal growth ISN'T gunna happen at a swingers party.

 

It scares me how this view is being supported. But does not surprise me.