How does a guy know when women are interested?

[Tybee Swing 286]

In a recent post Mrs Tybee Swing busted me out by saying that I am pretty oblivious when it comes to women in the lifestyle being attracted to me. Well, I'll have you know, she's right. I do tend to be "dumb as a bag of hammers" when it comes to picking up signals. I don't know if this is just me or it is a common situation with other men. Part of my problem may be that I don't want scare of women by either being pushy or rude. So I guess my question is a guy suppose to know when to be more flirty or, for lack of a better word, aggresive?

[CB_n_Red 16]

You could have been describing me there! So I'd love to hear any comments on that one as well.

[swing52001 15]

Mr. TS, I'm with you. I'm afraid that saying or doing something demonstrative might be construed as being forward or rude. Especially by any woman who isn't sending the signals that I think I feel. Of course being dumb as a bag of hammers is about the same as waiting for it to snow twice before I get the drift.... and by then the interested lady has decided that I'm not on her wavelength and has moved on. What do we do?

[Additude 457]

I'm not even going to try and establish that I am in-tune to "The Signals" that a woman gives when she is attracted to a man.

 

So, with what litte experience and personal observations I have I would tell you first to "Pay Attention" to the ladies around you.

 

The first thing I notice is that women like to keep looking or glancing at you and when you look straight back at them and smile and they respond then you need to make a move to introduce yourself.

 

Depending on the situation, if a woman touches you, even like in a conversation, like squeeze your bicep or puts her hand on your shoulder, playfully hit you, etc. then she is comfortable and you should give signals back.

 

Read womens eyes and expressions. If a woman is interested in you and wants you to know it then usually they are going to want you to read their silent body language. Like when the wife or GF gives you that "Look" in public when you say something or do something wrong, only the opposite. It's not the "Put a lid on it" look, it's the "Hi Sweetie I'm Horney" look.

 

Again, pay attention to them and you'll see if they are paying attention to you. Thats the key.

[intuition897 2,180]

I'm a woman, and I have this problem. Mr. intuition is actually the more perceptive of the two of us. Always has been. He just has this innate ability to read people like a book before they even open their mouths. I couldn't lie to him if I tried! It's almost annoying.

 

I remember one couple we met once that was really nice, but I just couldn't seem to "get a bead" on them...and they likely thought the same. It wasn't that we weren't interested in one another (I think)...it's just that I was too shy about flirting. Wierd, I know. On here I'm such a mouthpiece, but it's a whoooooole different story when you meet me in person. I'm not as tactful or articulate as I'd like to be offline.

[EvilMJ 65]

My husband was the same way!!! He didn't even know when I was flirting with him before we got married.

 

I'll tell you what he did. At first he didn't make any moves at all and kinda waiting for the woman, but that just doesn't work all teh time. So he began to get a little more aggressive. But not bad agressive, just more bold, asking them to dance, talking them up a bit, the little touches that let you know he is interested.

 

He has become famous for his neck massages!! All the women that go to the club/dances have found out that he gives a mean neck rub, so they ask him for some attention...it's a great ice breaker.

 

Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. Yeah I know, easier said then done.

[NandTfromCA 84]

I'll tell you what he did. At first he didn't make any moves at all and kinda waiting for the woman, but that just doesn't work all teh time. So he began to get a little more aggressive. But not bad agressive, just more bold, asking them to dance, talking them up a bit, the little touches that let you know he is interested.

 

Sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. Yeah I know, easier said then done.

Dito

I can be clueless too. The problem is when both sides are being too careful. Someone has to make a move…take a chance.

 

When a woman is not interested at all, it's usually pretty clear. When she is interested and ready to go, that's pretty clear too.

 

When a woman is interested but shy, or if she is undecided, that's when it's really tough for me to tell. In those instances, I go the way of Mr. Evil- Step up the flirting.

 

If I don’t get a positive response after a while, I back off and assume there is no interest. If the flirting is reciprocated, things will just roll from there…you smile at me, I smile at you…you touch me, I touch you…

 

Mr.

 

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy

come on sugar let me know.

If you really need me just reach out and touch me

come on honey tell me so."

[intuition897 2,180]

 

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy

come on sugar let me know.

If you really need me just reach out and touch me

come on honey tell me so."

 

Can N belly dance to that tune?

[DBL D 120]

Although I'm pretty perceptive, I'm not always 100% aware... the fact remains that no matter how much I know that a gal is interested is secondary to the fact that nothing can happen until everyone agrees that everyone is happy with each other.

 

Nothing like a slap on my ass to get my attention...

 

Male D

[WonderWhat 166]

Another clueless bag of hammers here...

 

I'm not "movie star" handsome, but I do turn heads. Nevertheless, for the life of me I never catch on to when a woman is sending me signals, until it's too late.

 

In general, my guess is that those of us who can't read signals, but are pretty articulate and perceptive once we get to know the person we're interacting with, are lacking some hardware up in the brain that lets us read people. In the newfangled "multiple intelligences" theory, you might say that our natural emotional intelligence is stunted, so we have to make up for it with training.

 

In other words, we're more analytical when interacting with people, so we don't catch those signals that makes our gut feelings go "Ping! That chick/guy's got the hots for me."

 

Well, my consolation is that we *can* learn. It's just a matter of practice, and being guided by someone who does catch those signals. In my case, Mrs W.

[NandTfromCA 84]

Can N belly dance to that tune?

For you, girl? Oh yeah!!!

[Swing*8701 887]

Edison here--on reading signals, what I realized is that the one time I wasn't being hit on, but thought so, interfered with perceiving the other nine times I was. Ever since I decided to not let the bad experience interfere with the potential good ones, thngs have been fine. I'm always a gentlemen and always smile if I'm told 'no'. Yet, the nine 'yes' make up for that

[VanHlebar 187]

I think this might be natural for most people, not just guys. I happen to flirt all the time, it seems to be second nature to me and to be honest I don't even notice it most of the time. With that being said, because I do tend to flirt so often, I too tend to not notice when a lady is flirting with me. I think I miss it because I just think I am being friendly and well I just think they are being friendly back.

 

For me I just tend to be myself around woman. I tend to be a bit overly slow and I will always ask a lady if it is ok to proceed before I do. Some ladies find it to be very nice, others think I am too passive, but I would much rather error on the side of caution. Even though we are all at the club or on the "date" for the same reason, it doesn't give me free reign to just move forward. Wish I had a sure fire formula, but all I can say is that with each no I get.. I get closer to a yes. ( I heard that somewhere else, might have been here, so if I stole that from you I apologize )

[Tybee Swing 286]

Mrs. T.S. here....thanks for all of your thoughtful answers to Mr. T.S.! We've had our hands full on the home front the past few days, but he'll be catching up with all your posts real soon.

 

You folks rock!!

 

P.S. - I think that Mr. T.S. is a real gentleman as well as being a damned sexy bag of hammers!

[LOL_OMG 130]

Hi Tybees! In my observations, some people are more aggressive than others...I'm a flirt and have actually been out-flirted by a few men at times. On the other hand, I've actually given someone a lap dance and they started watching the big screen...so I sat down

 

Mrs LOL

[Tybee Swing 286]

On the other hand, I've actually given someone a lap dance and they started watching the big screen...so I sat down

 

Mrs LOL

 

OMG! Did you check that man for a pulse? I can guarantee that Mr. T.S. would not have missed your "clue"!

 

Mrs. T.S.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Well actually I asked Mr LOL if I was doing something wrong or looking stupid, he was sitting right there (next to this guys wife) and he said no, it was HOT. So, I dunno....maybe I'm just not his type.

[robel12550 31]

If someone's keep a scorecard, you can push another peg over for the "bag of hammers" here. Apparently I've (Rob) been checked out (primarily in my youth) more than I knew and things really haven't changed too much. Never thought much about it most of the time. And when it does happen, it's like, "What's wrong with that lady?" Had one gal rubbing her hand up and down my leg once before thinking of the "swinging" lifestyle (and probably more than anything, without my wife being around) and the only thing I was thinking of is "Where's my wallet?"

 

There was one gal at work once who my wife thought was after me since when I introduced them once, the lady at work supposedly gave my wife a "If looks could kill" glance. (Mr. Oblivious here was looking somewhere else.) But my wife kept saying that she was really interested in me. Well when circumstances occurred that the division in the company was being phased out and we were moving on to the next steps in our lives, I asked the lady in somewhat a sensitive manner whether our relationship was anything other than business, which she denied. (Of course.) But she would always take me out to dinners when we had to work late and asked me to help her shop and drag me out to clubs, whatever. (Ah, the good old days!) It might have been that she felt that was the closest she could get to me because I was married. Whatever. It was just weird somewhat. Now she doesn't return my phone calls or emails on her birthday like she use to so maybe it really was just "work". lol

 

So label me "clueless". And I'm not even blonde. (Can't wait to read the flames on that one. LOL)

[2jersey 16]

In a separate post, we related our experience as a couple, several years ago at a Jamican resort (not Hedo, but in close proximity). Two couples in the nude hot tub kept inviting us to join them back to their hotelr room. We had never swung and didn't catch on to the possibilities. We innocently expressed our view that there was no need to be holed up in a hotel room when we could enjoy the wonderful weather and ambiance. We were dense at the time.

 

On the subject of male density - Mr 2jersey was grocery shopping recently and had an attractive young lady lurking around him in the breakfast cereal aisle. There are about a million cereals to choose from. The woman said, point blank - "You tell me what you're looking for and I'll tell you what I'm looking for, and maybe we can help each other." Alas, she may have been talking about the cereal, but who knows? - Therein lies the dilemma.

[EvilMJ 65]

Okay I fell into that 'Bag of Hammers' catagory today.

 

I was busy at work, sorting out the plants for a particular job we were doing, when one of our competetors came along, picking up some stock off the truck that was delivering to me.

 

I told him that they couldn't block the driveway as one of our guys was waiting to pull in. He was very nice and promised to be no more than five minutes. I told him that was all he had before I had to beat him up.

 

Next thing i know he gets close to me and asks me to share why I am stressed today and we could compare our horror stories. All smiles, all touchy feely.

 

Then when they are done, he comes back over and gets close to me again and asks all sweetly.."you really weren' t going to get physical with me were you?". I laugh at him adn then he asks my name so he can call and report me. So I give him my name and tell him to go ahead they already know what I am like. He all smiles and chatty, while it is apparent the guys with him just want to get moving to the job site.

 

So he gives me another smile and uses my name and tells me to have a good day..etc.

 

Okay, I was in the middle of a crisis then, it wasn't until about half an hour after I thought back and thought, that guy was really sexy.....Wait...that guy was HITTING on me!

 

How the heck did I miss that one!

 

See women can bet thick headed too.

[TeamSoBe 36]

Guys here reading this: have you ever gone too far with being too aggressive with a woman and regretted it?

 

I'm also shy and overly-respectful and I have trouble realizing when a girl is waving landing lights at me. Lately I have been doing a few specific aggressive things that I have always been uncomfortable with, and the big surprise is that not a single woman has yet responded in any of the negative ways that I was always afraid of. My theory is that until that happens I'm still on the overcautious side.

 

I'm talking about simple little signals that people give off, I try to give them off when my body wants even when I'm not sure if it feels 'right' to my fine upstanding breeding and gentelmanly charm. Like if I see a woman at the grocery store who I think is hot and who is dressed to attract attention then I'll just let myself stare at her for a few seconds longer than I think is polite. Little teeny things like that. What do you know they never seem to mind, and when they notice me and interact back without acting uncomfortable that I was just checking them out from head to toe, well then I'm thinking that I'm going to start taking that as a signal.

 

Guys who have been too aggressive before and realized it after the fact: was it in a swinging context? It seems like in a swinging context there's virtually nothing that I can do that women take as being too forward. Which, [light bulb] is the whole point of hanging out with easy people isn't it?