Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

Please take the time to find some victim counseling. Be it hotline (1-800), therapist, psychologist or whatever you can lay your hands on. At this stage both of you NEED someone on the outside of the situation to talk to, someone that can relate to being a victim and who is trained to recognize all of the symptoms you are experiencing !! Often times situations like these lead to severe depression, loss of self esteem, on and on and it can go as far as financial devastation, even suicide. Not saying that you will or are at that this point, rather that it has happened to more than one person.

 

Prior to leaving my last place of employment, I was in daily contact with vast numbers of young females who had been preyed upon in one fashion or another. Most had turned to drugs, pills and sex to ease the pain ALL of them spiraled out of control and were on the way to rock bottom. To date some are dead, some are still slumped in the corner of a bar, using Xanax, GHB or Roofies to sleep off a 3 day coke binge, others are in the state or federal prison system. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM TURNED TO SELF-HELP TO DEAL WITH THEIR PROBLEMS !!

 

Again, to reiterate, I am well aware that you are not at this point. However I do detect a certain sorrow or "Why me" vibe in your posts and think you should seek outside help to gain some additional coping skills while the impact is relatively minimal.

 

Happy thoughts and Best of luck to you

 

p.s. ........ the P.M. box is always available if you want to vent in private

[2jersey 16]

fun4Ds said:

We are still trying to deal with this, it has not been easy. A lot of people have wanted us to let the authorities handle this. We are not ready to risk the exposure; wouldn't that make us the bigger piece of shit in the swinging community? We would like to at least feel good that we can keep the people we have met identities confidential. It sucks. The investigating has been on our own so far. We are thankful to our friends and we are lucky... no... grateful to be alive. We were raped and brain fucked. It hurts on the inside more than we can show on the outside.

 

It is probably going to be a while before we get any closure to this in our personal lives. You can only imagine what it is like to not have any recollection. It has been an earth shaking kaboom. Who would have thought they needed to dope us? That's sick.

 

Some days we don't want to contact anyone and some days we want to contact everyone. Who do we point the finger at? The couple we met? The bartender who served us? The folks at the party?

 

I guess it is my fault. They say time heals all wounds. We are thinking to send the owners a letter of an apology but apologize for what? Were only guessing we were the worst. Our current swing partners tell us that if we were an ass at the party it would be way out of our character.

 

I guess we are going to have to take it as a team and put it behind us. Somehow take it as a learning experience.

 

Hi, You may want to reread this thread as a reminder that you have many people who have considered your story and feel great sympathy for you. You may also want to consider some of the advice which has been offered.

 

It is natural to be confused, and to feel some guilt and shame. You have been victimized, and you need to remember that you did absolutely nothing to bring this plight on yourselves.

 

At this point, it seems as if you might benefit from some interaction with a rape crisis counselor. We would encourage you to seek professional help immediately.

[beaverz 18]

I feel so bad for you and Mrs. fun, this is a terrible thing to happen. I really can’t add any advice that hasn’t been mentioned or you haven’t thought of.

 

I would like to thank you for coming to the board and sharing your terrible experience with others. It may help others to be more wary of their situation, not just in the swinging, but also in all other social events.

 

This is problem that all of us need to be aware of, watch each others back and step forward when we see something that’s not right.

 

Good luck!!!

[Guest CandPinSA]

fun4Ds said:

A lot of people have wanted us to let the authorities handle this. We are not ready to risk the exposure; wouldn't that make us the bigger piece of shit in the swinging community? We would like to at least feel good that we can keep the people we have met identities confidential.

 

I would think the only people who would be upset are the people who drugged you. I would also like to think that the rest of the community would be happy that you 'outed' possible, and probable, sexual predators in your midst. Who among the people you've met would be outed besides the one's who did this? Well, if there were 3 couples there, and only one was responsible, then I guess that one other couple might be outed too.... but then again, perhaps not. And frankly, you don't know which of the other 2 couples were responsible. If it was the other 'guest' couple, I would think the hosts might actually be happy that you are concerned about the entire communities well being at heart. Does the host couple have kids? at home? perhaps everyone was drugged and the kids were drugged and raped later. Perhaps the other couple drugged both you and the hosts and raped all of you. Perhaps that's why you were banned. Maybe the other couple told the hosts the same thing happened to them so the only one's left do have done it was you. And you think that isn't going around the community if that's the case? Of course it is. If you address the hosts, simply ask them to forgive you for however you may have acted, that has gotten you banned etc. But that you really don't know what that was, so could they please at least explain it to you.

 

fun4Ds said:

we were raped and brain fucked.

 

You're right you were. If not sexually, though I doubt that, at least emotionally and mentally. And I agree with others, at least seek victim counseling.

 

fun4Ds said:

I guess it is my fault.

 

That's the same as the 'rape' victim feeling like it was their fault. It's never the victims fault. There is no excuse. How could it be your fault? Did someone ask you if you wanted a roopy and you told them yes? Did you bring it with you and take it yourself? Did you ask someone if they had the drug so you could take it? How is it your fault. Think about that. It's never the fault of the victim.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Yes, we are going to seek some counseling, it has been very depressing. We have swinger friends but we have been on a major lifestyle break. This is not something you can talk to family about, maybe other swingers. Mrs fun has been very supportive with a lot of love notes on the table. May sound kinda strange but we are kind of making a few jokes from time to time. Like the day of the party mrs.fun said I may be in for a big surprise. Well it certainly was a surprise.

 

We thank you all for the support.

[AlaskanGrown 15]

For as far as I know, Rohypnol wouldn't be used ALONE as a recreational drug, since you will forget everithing about the experience you had while using it.

 

People do use roofies recreationally. They know their tolerance and dose accordingly just below their threshhold. Never done it myself and have no real interest in doing it.

[kandr2000 15]

Please, don't feel like this is your fault in any way. That is what victims do is blame themselves. Try the victims hotline, it may help.

 

My husband is irate over this. If this was to happen to me, he'd end up in prison. That sounds awful. He'd like to help you guys out if you were closer. This whole thing just sickens us.

[sereneiders 263]

fun4Ds said:

Yes, we are going to seek some counseling, it has been very depressing. We have swinger friends but we have been on a major lifestyle break. This is not something you can talk to family about, maybe other swingers. Mrs fun has been very supportive with a lot of love notes on the table. May sound kinda strange but we are kind of making a few jokes from time to time. Like the day of the party mrs.fun said I may be in for a big surprise. Well it certainly was a surprise.

 

We thank you all for the support.

 

Perhaps it is worth to say that what happens to us today IS AS INTENDED by your abuser as it was the original abuse itself. The abuser is perfectly aware of this effect, and rely on all your current feelings as a preventive measure against being reported (both to the authorities and to the social circle where he/she moves).

 

Even when I suggest you to do something about it, and that I believe that doing something about this, even when painful and risky, is a way to help you two put this behind, I will not blame on you if you doesn't want to. The abuser is the only one to blame here.

 

Having my own experiences correlated to the abuse's victim role, I've been there. I believe I know what you feel. In this abuse you don't recollect what happened, but think of how you'd feel if you were able to recollect it, I mean, people doing things to you while you're deprived from the ability to stop them. I bring this point because it have to do with your guilty feelings.

 

It uses to happen to the victim that, besides the implications of a rape, they recollect enjoying some aspects of the activities he/she was forced to do. For example, a victim of a rape may feel physical arousal for an intercourse, or even cum, which makes things even worst, because this leads to wrongly conclude that if there was something enjoyable for the victim it would make his/her "share the responsibility" for the abuse, as if what define something as a rape were not alone the violence and the forced act, but the "reward" that only the abuser is supposed to have. Something like "if I felt pleasure, then to some extent, I've been asking for this to happen".

 

Even when you don't recollect what happened, this scenario correlate with yours because you went to a swinger party seeking for sexual enjoyment, at least for the "to some extent, I've been asking for this to happen" thought.

 

One of the most difficult parts in the victim's healing process is to be able to set apart the arousal or the pleasure involved from the responsibility for what happened. To be able to say "yes, I physically enjoyed being done this or that, this is natural and not my fault, so I hate ELUSIVELY my abuser and not myself". And I guess something pretty close to this happens to you today, you hate yourself because you were seeking for having sex with strangers, disregarding the main fact here, which is the TERMS under you were up to do it.

 

Sex has nothing to do with this. The rape is defined by the process by means of which the abuser TERMS are being imposed, overriding by force your own TERMS, even to do the same you'd agree to do under your own terms.

 

To recognize and internalize this fact, and to differentiate this from the involved sexual desires require a hard and painful process that MUST be supervised, and requires an objective perspective to ensure you achieved this goal.

 

It is because of this that you two need counseling. There's nothing wrong with you two, there's no fault from you.

 

As it was told before, REMEMBER the people in this forum feels sympathy for your two, and that we're here for you.

 

I invite you to drop me as many private messages you want to vent off and/or just talk, now and along your healing process. Do NOT isolate yourselves, people support is and will be a valuable resource for you two. Don't hesitate to use this resource at will.

[2GirlsGoodBenBa 16]

Reading this and several other threads has been really enlightening! I honestly didn't even factor in the role of sexual abuse in the lifestyle or even the possibility of being drugged due to the fact that I always believed that with the lifestyle people always (well the majority) functioned with honesty. Obviously not--but thus far we've been lucky with the people we've met but this will allow us to be a lot more cautious of even those we believe we can trust.

[appleblossoms20 16]

I wonder how many people this has happened to? I recently was at a club drinking soda water and lime. I had already had two drinks and it was a long drive home so I stopped drinking. I kept on telling hubby there was "pure vodka or something" in my drink. He blew me off until he took a sip. I felt so violated. I am so sorry that this happened to you. -r

[robel12550 31]

fun4Ds said:

mrs. fun was in the hot tub with a single guy that we (both think the world of) and I can remember while she is having what I think is a good time I leaned over and kissed her and said I love you to her. She can remember to that point that she went to our room and crashed out, that's the end of her recollection till morning.

 

I think I've scanned most of the thread here, but one thing is confusing to me. As I read the above section from the original posting, I'm left with wondering if the guy they thought the world of knows anything? Even if why they might have been banned from the club?

 

As far as fault, that ultimately lies with the person who drugged you. So keep telling yourself that it was highly unlikely in the situation you were in that you could have prevented this. Just as the Internet is a highly suspect environment, the real world is even more so. Odds are that even a normally diligent person who was "watching the drinks" would not have been able to detect someone drugging it. (From personal experience in what can be done "undetected".) So hopefully you'll stop giving yourself a guilt trip on this.

 

I empathize with you on the decision whether to bring in authorities or not. Despite what some people have written here and despite the fact that their personal opinions of things shouldn't get in the way of dealing with a crime, it has been know to happen that law officers will let their opinions interfere. How many "rape" victims have been victimized because they wore provocative clothing? So at least I understand the conflict you're going through.

 

Our sympathies and best wishes on dealing with this unfortunate incident.

[magiriano 84]

LOL_OMG said:

Wow, I think that is the worst thing I have heard to date and it makes me pretty angry thinking about it. You guys were drugged against your knowledge and who knows what happened....the word that comes to mind is rape. Even if nothing happened sexually your free will was raped.

 

I would be tempted to call the police, but I know you have to think this one out for yourselves.

Mrs LOL

 

Personally I think you should call the police, after all, you and your wife are both adults and what you do for thrills shouldn't make you less of a rape victim.

 

We kept quiet about our first time experience that was horrible and I remember the guilt and shame that came with it, I felt like I let Mia down, that I allowed her to be raped. First time experience was a bad one. - The Swingers Board

 

And probably because I didn't said or did anything it happened a second time, except this time I took action.

 

but this is just so wrong, why would anyone go and rob when it's there for the take, all you have to do is ask?

 

With this kind of animals I'd be just that, another animal, they should be castrated ,let to bleed to death then buried in the back yard......

[fun4Ds 1,098]

With this kind of animals I'd be just that, another animal, they should be castrated ,let to bleed to death then burried in the back yard..

Thats one thing to say, another thing to carry out. I found myself at that point. We found help, and closure, with counseling and a friend. This was a serious matter. People do get, and can be hurt, in any walk in life. How many, was the question in this case.

 

We are OK with it being, just two......

 

We're not ashamed, we're survivors.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Fun4Ds,

 

I'm glad that the years have passed since this happened and that the two of you have recovered from this. I'm also glad that this thread has been brought back up. I have never considered the possibility that someone would drug either of us at a swinger's party or club. But I guess that my personal habits make it much more unlikely that this could happen to me personally.

 

One rule that I learned when I was in the Navy helps me here. When I went on liberty, the only thing that I would drink was an American brand beer, in a can, and if the can was opened before it was in front of me, I didn't drink it and didn't pay for it. I would tell the waitress/bar tender that when I ordered. It was not unusual for sailors on liberty to be drugged and rolled. It never happened to me.

 

Thanks for letting us know this, because it reminded me to teach this to my son who is headed for his first ship in a few days.

[lustylearning 705]

A good rule of thumb a friend of mine taught me when we first entered the lifestyle - never leave your drink unattended.

[slevin 1,374]

A good rule of thumb a friend of mine taught me when we first entered the lifestyle - never leave your drink unattended.

 

That is great advice. Not only for swingers, but for anyone going to bars and clubs. Also, if someone is going to buy you a drink make sure that you're present when it is purchased and you take the drink directly from the bartender or waitress.

 

Sometimes paranoia is good!

[Guest warrencouple]

Having just skimmed this thread, primarily to find out what the outcome for fun4Ds was (glad you two came through this OK), and considering that the Mrs and I will be going to our first meet & greet tomorrow night (nerves!), here's my feeling on this:

 

1. We're going to watch our drinks tomorrow!

2. I think, in that situation, I would have involved the police. I really wouldn't care if my family / friends / co-workers found out what kind of a party we were at, someone attempted harm to me and mine. I can live with ridicule / shame, I can't live without the Mrs (what if she had a worse reaction?)

3. fun4Ds dealt with this in their own way, and while the guilty were not found and punished, unfortunately, the guilty do not always get punished. I would expect it would have been very hard to find out who might have put the drugs in the drinks, leading to the guilty still getting away with it...

 

At least, Mr and Mrs fun4Ds have coped, and continued on. It's just a shame that they had to run into this kind of situation.

[Guest warrencouple]

I have to admit, after reading this thread, I'm more anxious than ever about going to the Off-Premise party Mr and I've talked about attending tonight. I know the odds of anything like this happening are very slim and I know we both plan on NOT letting our drinks out of our sight, but still. I talked to Mr earlier and he fully understands, said he's kind of nervous about going, too.

We both know NOTHING is going to happen tonight. There, at least. We'll probably come home and go at it like bunnies but nothing there. Tonight is just dipping our toes into the water, so to speak.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

That is great advice. Not only for swingers, but for anyone going to bars and clubs. Also, if someone is going to buy you a drink make sure that you're present when it is purchased and you take the drink directly from the bartender or waitress.

 

Sometimes paranoia is good!

 

Well... paranoia isn't really good ,.. Caution is cool though

 

Enjoy, life

[lustylearning 705]

Have fun!!

[Looking4uwithus 16]

Wow, this is a incredible story. I feel for the OP but it makes me wonder....... is this swinging thing such a good idea?

[slevin 1,374]

Wow, this is a incredible story. I feel for the OP but it makes me wonder....... is this swinging thing such a good idea?

 

Why would someone putting roofies in someones drink make you question swinging in general. There is likely a higher chance of that happening at a regular club than at a swingers club.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Why would someone putting roofies in someones drink make you question swinging in general. There is likely a higher chance of that happening at a regular club than at a swingers club.

 

 

I think the general rule applies anywhere, regardless of context. If there are people you don't know around drinks you plan on drinking, make sure you know what you are drinking.

 

This story makes me question humanity, not swinging.

[CandyCane 33]

I just came across this thread. Glad the OP are ok. As has been recently said,this can happen anywhere. It happens in swingers clubs as well as regular clubs all the time. General rule " Never Leave Your Drink Unattended"

[Just Passing By 140]

It's not that you're paranoid, it's that you have a realistic awareness. Even when having fun, you (everyone) should remain in Condition Yellow.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I'm really greatful to read this thread. I'm a very trusting person and it never occured to me to be cautious of this risk.

 

I know it was a long time ago but I'm curious if the club owner ever became receptive of listening to you two about what happened or did you just remain banned forever? I have to admit, I wouldn't want to be part of any club where the owner would not readily investigate any claim of a member being harmed in their club.

[metroman 17]

fun4Ds said:

 On the way home our talk was mainly about we can't remember a thing EITHER of us, and the drive is very long. We get home and Mrs.fun passes out in a way that off to the hospital I go. (We live close) Doctors tell us that we have rohyfnol (aka rooffies) in our systems

 

Thanks for posting this and warning the rest of us! That is such BS!

Not your story but the deed. It will sharpen us up to be extra careful!

[Maxhnb 15]

Two women friends of mine (not swingers) one a flight attendant in Miami, another a friend in Los Angeles had Rohypnol dropped in their drinks. Luckily they only ad little sips and were immediately aware of a creeping drowsiness and lack of control of their extremities. they were at public locales with people they knew and the perp accompanied each to their home because they were out of it. Luckily they were conscious enough to hold on and call the police.

 

This seems like an ongoing epidemic in our society....and hosts are the first to say it want their fault and knew nothing. Its an at risk society to even socialize, with anyone for any reason. Get only bottled drinks and keep them in hand.

[rainbowskye 102]

I've never had this happen, nor am I aware of it happening at any of the swinger events or clubs I have attended.

 

I did have it happen to me @ a gay bar when I was 19. Me and a group of friends use to frequent a gar bar here in the city as they never carded us and we were all underage.

 

This was our spot on Friday and Saturday nights. This one night they had draft beer for $1 I'm not much of a beer drinker, so I ordered a girlie drink, a Midori Sour.

 

Within minutes I blacked out. The people I was with were totally confused, as I only had one drink and back then, I could drink a lot before I would even start to feel a buzz.

 

My bff at the time realized something was wrong and her and the two other people I was with took me straight to the hospital.

 

Since then, If I drink in public, I am the one to make my drink or I won't drink.

[10thBadger 25]

It’s really not that hard to believe because this is the reason why my wife and I never went to a club again after being invited by a friend of mine and his wife. No we have never swung and we probably never will because of what happened to us in the club.

 

The only difference is when my wife was cornered with her girlfriend, they were offered drinks when they already had drinks and the gentleman were trying to take the drinks from them so they could drink the drinks that they made for them. With my wife smart thinking grabbing my buddies wife and running to us and then me confronting them and them acting completely strange  and calling for the bouncer of the club to help them I guess me, it was absolutely insane. The funny thing is my wife told me soon as we walked in that I’m not drinking anything to anybody gives me in here and that I will buy her drinks . It was almost like her Spidey sense was telling her be careful but anyway she was very nervous go on her to the club regardless because it was our first time. The idea that somebody would want to drug somebody to get what they want is absolutely horrendous.  But when I asked my wife why she was so concerned after we left the club, she said that the ladies that invited her and my buddies wife to come talk with them we’re all trying to separate them from us and trying to get them to go down the hallway  and have a conversation and then the men showed up out of nowhere in the hallway holding drinks and after remembering the situation, the drinks that they were holding were on the table set aside from all the drinks that they were drinking so I assume that’s exactly what they were going to do is drug the women and take them into a room and then we would have to find them. 

 

After that experience, my wife nor myself whatever even step into a club like that but at the same time do you know that happens in regular clubs and then even in regular clubs I don’t let anyone buy me or my wife drinks. The things that people think of to get what they want  is ridiculous but then again like my wife said you’re not dealing with adults, you are dealing with adults trying to play like children in a sexual way