Couples with strict rules - are they setting themselves up for failure?

[JTcamp05 9]

After posting on another topic I was wondering how many other couples have run into situations where they have been confronted with unusual "rules". Ex.... no kissing, no oral, ect.. ect... Are these couples setting themselves up to fail? or are they too insecure to last as swingers?

[DGrey 28]

I think every couple needs a set of rules that makes them feel comfortable. We typically don't like to play with other couples that won't kiss because we both love to kiss and for us, it would be an incomplete evening.

 

That's not to say that they are setting themselves up to fail though because I'm sure there are lots of couples that share their views.

 

E

[fun4Ds 1,098]

we went into it with alot of rules. and found many of them changed or were kinda droped as far as no kissing and such. we found ya should always respect anyones and everyones rules. cant say we ever came across any unusual rules.

[TeamSoBe 36]

Yeah you start out with a thick rule book and then over time each rule seems less and less important. After a while you're more secure about everything and you don't need all of the rules any more.

[2jersey 16]

We have a few rules, which we spell out in our online profile - the most prominent of which is that we are not currently in full swap mode.

 

Our full swap limitation is probably not unusual for couples in our situation - long term momogamous relationship punctuated by a relatively meager amount of swinging experience. We may be singing a different tune down the road a bit...

 

In fact, we currently have two exceptions to our full swap rule. 1) Any couple which visits us from more than 1,000 miles away, and 2) Any couple who can guess our favorite baseball team...

[Tybee Swing 286]

After posting on another topic I was wondering how many other couples have run into situations where they have been confronted with unusual "rules". Ex.... no kissing, no oral, ect.. ect...

 

We haven't played with these couples with very strict rules, because they aren't a match for us. We have seen them in profiles, though. We just don't contact them. We respect people's boundaries, whatever they may be - and accept that they're just not for us. They'll probably find somebody else that will be more in line with what they want, though.

[AZ Dreaming 15]

We have a few rules, which we spell out in our online profile - the most prominent of which is that we are not currently in full swap mode.

 

Our full swap limitation is probably not unusual for couples in our situation - long term momogamous relationship punctuated by a relatively meager amount of swinging experience. We may be singing a different tune down the road a bit...

 

In fact, we currently have two exceptions to our full swap rule. 1) Any couple which visits us from more than 1,000 miles away, and 2) Any couple who can guess our favorite baseball team...

 

 

Hmmm could it be the New York Yankees ?

 

How many times can we guess?

[2jersey 16]

Hmmm could it be the New York Yankees ?

 

How many times can we guess?

 

Bingo!

[AZ Dreaming 15]

WOOHOO!! What do I win?

[2jersey 16]

WOOHOO!! What do I win?

 

Well - we referred to the glossary in the swinging handbook - and shortly after 'Bingo' comes 'Bango' (swingers are noncomformists) ... and the following entry is 'Breakfast'. So, give us your flight number (we'll pick you up at the airport) and tell us what would you like us to cook you for breakfast (and we'll have the proper ingredients on hand).

[AZ Dreaming 15]

 

Nice!! Im a fruit and croissants kind of girl.... Especially after a night of fun!

[neoparadigm 15]

Rules are made out of fear, and fear diminishes because of it's metaphisical non reality so therefore diminish the rules..

 

"Do whast thou will shall be the whole of the law.."

Jimmy Page

[Chandler 16]

Yeah you start out with a thick rule book and then over time each rule seems less and less important. After a while you're more secure about everything and you don't need all of the rules any more.

 

I would agree with this. The first timers are always going to have a list of boundries, but after the comfort level increases, those rules/boundries come down. Respect their wishes, or find someone else that fits closer to your speed.

[Chicup 42]

We have a few rules, which we spell out in our online profile - the most prominent of which is that we are not currently in full swap mode.

 

 

As long as the Yankee's fans still suck, I'd be interested

[2jersey 16]

Rules are made out of fear, and fear diminishes because of it's metaphisical non reality so therefore diminish the rules..

 

"Do whast thou will shall be the whole of the law.."

Jimmy Page

 

neo-moron, I might want to invite you to meet me in person, but you are not worth the (MINOR) effort that would be involved. - Mister 2J

[Thrax 384]

As long as the Yankee's fans still suck, I'd be interested

That took me a second, but hey, good one!

 

DISCLAIMER: Considering the current climate on Swingers Board, the above remark is not to be taken as a disrespectful remark regarding the New York Yankees, that baseball team's owner, that baseball team's staff or players, New Yorkers, New Jerseyians (Jerseyites, Jerseyoids?), or any fans of the New York Yankees regardless of their geographical location, race, nationality, religion, sex, sexual preference, or proclivity toward MFMs, MMFs, FFMs, FMFs, MFMFs, etc. Ah hell, I'm a Pittsburgher, the only word I know that gives Yankee fans a seizure is "Mazeroski."

[neoparadigm 15]

2 Jersey... you could use a dose of respect to all this board...

Be kind and polite and the world is your oyster..

 

best of luck..

 

Now back to the rules or lack of them..

[LOL_OMG 130]

we currently have two exceptions to our full swap rule. 1) Any couple which visits us from more than 1,000 miles away

I can follow the rulez! In fact I dunno where in Jersey you live but from us to Newark is 460 miles. Soooo if we go to, say...Nashville, and then up to you it should be 1000 miles! woot, we win!

 

Mrs

[2jersey 16]

Okay, we are together again - with testosterone in balance.

 

Chicup, Thrax, LoL - you guys are hilarious (in the finest sense of the term). Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest and explore our natural libidos to the fullest extent. Thanks for making us laugh (and lust).

[Thrax 384]

Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest and explore our natural libidos to the fullest extent.

Hey, for Yankees fans you two seem okay. So far. And I like how it seems that your avatar is winking at me.

 

Usually I don't travel too much farther into the midwest than Ohio, but I'd even be up for a meet somewhere west of that. Just call me adventurous.

 

BTW, a bunch of us in another thread are gathering in a corner for cheese sticks, pizza, dessert, and spankings. Let me know if you need the GPS coordinates.

 

Thrax

[LOL_OMG 130]

Usually I don't travel too much farther into the midwest than Ohio, but I'd even be up for a meet somewhere west of that. Just call me adventurous. Thrax

Can I call you geographically challenged? Cause erm, Jersey is East...not West

Mrs

[Thrax 384]

Can I call you geographically challenged? Cause erm, Jersey is East...not West

Mrs

With deep respect, and I mean that most sin-cere-ly, please note that I was responding to a post 2jersey made suggesting, "Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest..."

 

Yes, you can call me geographically-challenged, but don't call me late for pizza and spankin's. facelick

 

Why can't we all just get along?

 

Thrax

[LOL_OMG 130]

Okay it's 2Jersey's fault with all this mixed up...

Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest

stuff....

 

We just might need a ruling on just exactly what that statement means....

[2jersey 16]

Laughing so hard that it hurts... You 'guys' are great...and the Yanks took two out of three at Fenway.

[LOL_OMG 130]

I must confess, I've never been to a baseball game

[WesternSwing 504]

After posting on another topic I was wondering how many other couples have run into situations where they have been confronted with unusual "rules". Ex.... no kissing, no oral, ect.. ect... Are these couples setting themselves up to fail? or are they too insecure to last as swingers?

I wouldn't say they are too insecure to be swingers, or that they are setting themselves up for failure, but I would say they are setting themselves up for a rough time of meeting people, and possibly even creating issues between themselves.

 

Rules such as "no kissing" are very hard to follow when you are physically attracted to someone. The first act you ever did with anyone you were interested in, going all the way back to elementary school, was kiss them. It seems like the most basic act of being interested in someone else.

 

Having such restrictive rules as "no kissing", "no oral", etc. also puts stress on the other couple who then feels like they are walking on egg shells around them, always wondering if you were going to cross some line that will cause tension between the husband and wife. I know I would. I understand such rules as "no anal", "no solo play", etc., but some rules just leave you wondering "why?" It's like they've reduced sex to a scripted act.

 

So I think they definitely are setting themselves up for some disappointment, especially regarding someone to play with.

 

Mr. WS

[blondie77 17]

When hubby and I first started swinging, we had a whole list of rules and regulations. We had so many "don'ts" that it was hard to enjoy the "do's". I don't think having a lot of rules automatically means you aren't cut out for swinging. I think a lot of people new to the lifestyle have lot's of rules and boundries. What my hubby and I realized is that we were setting ourselves up for failure having too many boundries. The boundries were bound to get crossed, and then what? We'd have a mess on our hands. We only have two rules now. 1. Have fun and make sure everyone is having fun. 2. Respect...towards everyone involved. We've found that this simplifies things a bit and as long as we are respecting each other, there isn't an issue.

[JTcamp05 9]

Well it sure sounds that its more the "newbees" that start off with the wildest rules. Guess its like anything the more you do it the more comfortable you become. I would agree with Ms WS that they are sure setting themselves up for disappointment.

 

We just always went into this with a leval of trust and understanding that never needed to be spelled out in a rule book. I just hate to see couples get sidelined with problems steming from rules they can't keep. The lifestyle for us has been liberating emotionaly and sexualy and alot of that comes from the fredom of living outside of the normal rules of relationships. That is of course what were all doing.

[rw53aust 17]

Rules. What rules? The only rules we have is what passes for such in our marrage, and that is .. consideration.

 

Works for us

[NCcuriouscpl 15]

When hubby and I first started swinging, we had a whole list of rules and regulations. We had so many "don'ts" that it was hard to enjoy the "do's". I don't think having a lot of rules automatically means you aren't cut out for swinging. I think a lot of people new to the lifestyle have lot's of rules and boundries. What my hubby and I realized is that we were setting ourselves up for failure having too many boundries. The boundries were bound to get crossed, and then what? We'd have a mess on our hands. We only have two rules now. 1. Have fun and make sure everyone is having fun. 2. Respect...towards everyone involved. We've found that this simplifies things a bit and as long as we are respecting each other, there isn't an issue.

 

Well said, Blondie! We did the same thing originally.....and now practice basically the same two rules. I believe it's all the 'learning' process and things tend to work out for themselves if you'll just let them!

 

Since going to the midwest doesn't appear to be good....and no one really wants to go northeast this time of year......Why don't yall come south this weekend for some good ole black eyed peas, collards and chittlins????? facelick (not to mention the fun to be had afterward!!)

 

Happy New Year everyone!

NCCuriouscpl

[EvilMJ 65]

Since going to the midwest doesn't appear to be good....and no one really wants to go northeast this time of year......Why don't yall come south this weekend for some good ole black eyed peas, collards and chittlins????? facelick (not to mention the fun to be had afterward!!)

NCCuriouscpl

 

Okay I know this is off track but I have never had black eyed peas, collards and chittlins.....what is a chittlin? Sounds like a good enough reason for me to head south.

 

back on track

Rules and boundaries are just away to get into the lifestyle so everyone is comfortable - like training wheels. Some people get so comfortable with those wheels that they never want to take them off...which is fine as it works for them. Some realize that the wheels have become redunant and want more of a challenge so they change their rules and extend the boundaries further - so off come those wheels.

 

Then there are the really adventurous crowd that feel that all those rules and boundaries are just holding them back so they dump everything and get a unicycle. Sure it's dangerous and takes a lot of practice to get it right, but it can be a heck of a lot of fun!

 

Now that I have beaten that metaphore to death. . My thought is that swinging is a personal experience and you have to do what makes you the most comfortable.

[Cloud9Social 15]

Most new couples that come to our club tend to have a lot of rules. We have seen a lot of them throw the rules out the window by 11:30

 

We had several rules when we started also but as we grew in the lifestyle our rules have changed. One thing we still keep is our code word and hand signal that we use if either one of us is uncomfortable with anything that is going on.

[wifes_sex_slave 16]

My wife and I only had a few rules...

No one we knew to well personally, no one close to home, not in our house (we have 5 kids), condoms must be used...

 

On our first "adventure" she brought home one of our close friends and had a 3some with her - all of the above rules were toast.

 

Hmm... too eager maybe?

[prettylady 221]

I would agree with this. The first timers are always going to have a list of boundries, but after the comfort level increases, those rules/boundries come down. Respect their wishes, or find someone else that fits closer to your speed.

 

Ok I am working backwards here. Dog asked me what I want the rules to be for me and I said...I have no rules.

If I have no idea what I am going to do in the first place how can I make a plan? My first time I am letting the others lead and I will follow and feel my way through it. To much "preparation" is just letting yourself in for a really lousy time. I am going into this with only one expectation. That is to have a really great time. facelick

If from there I find that I need bounderies then I will say, ok this worked, but this didn't.

I trust my Dog 100% and the couple we have made a date with I also trust 100%. So I am letting my hair down and running with it.

 

Your friend,

Prettylady

[aahours1 16]

We have and strill do have a set of a couple of rules.... One kissing is allowed but NO tongue(frenching), concoms a MUST. No seperate rooms and by all means no going it alone, by yourself and go out and find someone to bring home.....That is totally out. But we do allow oral, NO swallowing though. Anything else that cums up during the evening we discuss if possible but if we feel uncomfortable with it or a question will arise from it we decide not to do it on our own accord.

[Thrax 384]

Okay I know this is off track but I have never had black eyed peas, collards and chittlins.....what is a chittlin? Sounds like a good enough reason for me to head south.

 

I'm American, but I'm a Northerner (since I don't live in New England, I'm not a Yankee ), so take the following with a grain of salt.

 

"Chitlins" are considered a "Southern (U.S.)" food by most Americans, but can often be found in "soul food" eateries throughout the U.S. You can find authentic chitlins -- if you want to -- in many parts of the U.S. because we Americans have a penchant for moving to different locales for various reasons. I would be very surprised if there were NOT some chitlin purveyors in the Great White North, but maybe not in your area.

 

I REALLY like fried chitlins. They are in no way healthy, thus they are very yummy. However, as described below, they are not from a source that many modern Americans or Canadians are comfortable with. Since I grew up in a small town though, I am familiar with the usually non-Western concept of using every part of an animal (in this case, all of the pig but the 'oink'). If you are a vegan, vegetarian, or made woozy by the thought of using 'the whole pig', then you might not want to read the following information plucked from Wikipedia (although you probably will regardless):

 

"Chitterlings (...sometimes spelled chitlins in common vernacular) are the small intestines of a pig that have been prepared as food. They are a type of offal.

 

Chitterlings are carefully cleaned before they are cooked by boiling or stewing, and are often battered and fried crispy after the stewing process.

 

Chitterlings (chitterlins) are eaten more frequently in the southern part of the US. In Mount Airy, NC (famously known as Mayberry) there is an annual chitterling festival. The chitterlings are cooked in several different ways.

 

"Chitlins" are assumed to be eaten more frequently in the African American culture, but some think that it's really a "down-south thing". Also, chitterlings are used for sausage casings.

 

Other cultures have small intestine recipes, for example as part of the Latin American (and especially Argentinian) mixed grill dish parrillada, where they are known as chinchulines and may be of lamb.

 

Filipino cuisine features a recipe of fried pork intestines called "silit", and another for deep-fried pork intestines, called "chicharon bulaklak".

 

In Korea, grilled pork intestines are called makchang. Makchang is a Daegu regional delicacy.

 

In Mexican cuisine, small intestines are known as tripas. Cleaned, boiled, and grilled, tripas are a popular filling for tacos."

 

Okay, now I'm hungry. facelick Really.

 

So now you can go back to whatever it was you were discussing.

 

Thrax

[JTcamp05 9]

If I have no idea what I am going to do in the first place how can I make a plan? My first time I am letting the others lead and I will follow and feel my way through it. To much "preparation" is just letting yourself in for a really lousy time. :

 

 

Suprised this topic is still alive, but you make a great case pretty lady!!!

[NCcuriouscpl 15]

I'm American, but I'm a Northerner (since I don't live in New England, I'm not a Yankee ), so take the following with a grain of salt.

 

"Chitlins" are considered a "Southern (U.S.)" food by most Americans, but can often be found in "soul food" eateries throughout the U.S. You can find authentic chitlins -- if you want to -- in many parts of the U.S. because we Americans have a penchant for moving to different locales for various reasons. I would be very surprised if there were NOT some chitlin purveyors in the Great White North, but maybe not in your area.

 

 

Evil, Thrax is correct by all means. Southern Tradition on New Years is to eat a meal of Greens (usually collards or cabbage) to ensure WEALTH in the next year, Black Eye Peas ....to ensure HEALTH, and Pork (usually served as chitlins, fatback or jowls .....of which I prefer the latter, it's similar to bacon) for LUCK. facelick

 

Of course the meal is always best when served with a healthy portion of good friends to share with, and LOL........SEX!

 

(oh and by the way, I used to BE a YANKEE many years ago! )

 

We wish everyone the best of above for the New Year!!

MsNCCurious...........