Which male initiates a MFM?

[dezaray 15]

I know in the end its all determined what makes me most comfortable since I'm the only female in this scenario, although I would like to hear other women's experiences in this to help me figure out how to go about this.

 

We have thrown around a few scenarios however, can you realllly plan all the details and expect it to go that way? Isn't that less fun? Plan as you go, aside from boundaries being set upfront? Were very new to this, so we've not even done a MFM together yet, but I look forward to it! although at the same time I think I'll be nervous when the actual time comes.... I think I may want my man to start the whole thing off.... although I'm not sure about this.

 

My rules in a MFM are:

-only my man gets anal

-no rough stuff from the other guy

 

Women, for your 1st MFM did your man start off? Did the other male start off? What did you find worked best in this situation?

 

thank you all in advance

Dez

[HornyCouple 15]

I can only relate to you what happened in our limited experiences. I the husband started it and then encouraged the other male to join in. This in my opinion makes it easier for the other male being told to start. Also, she can feel free and not having to make a choice.

[neoparadigm 15]

The two guys need to talk about it in advance, the husband should know what his wifes fantasy is... if it's only the husbands fantasy then it should never even happen! Less talking the better,

a quick drink just to know the guy is not repulsive.. let the mind fill in the blanks..

 

Remember it is just a fantasy being played out.. no one needs to take it too serious!

[CuriousInOregon 16]

OK WOW I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO MAKE OF NEO BUT FROM A PERSONAL STANDPOINT I CANT SAY IM FOND OF THE RESPONSES I HAVE READ TO ANYTHING HE HAS POSTED. Now for you my dear heheehe i am going to say that it really depends on the situation I know that for us The new guy warmed me up and my husband warmed up his wife just fine which in turn turned into a MFM and a MMF and a FMM all the same I know but wow were the positions changing all over the room that night, I sat and watched while they played and then She sat and watched while we played it was great fun so all in all I like to say it depends on the couple or Additional playmate whom is brought into the room that night

[neoparadigm 15]

I think the post was about MFM not MFMF.. your MFMF may have turned into what looked like MFM but really is not in the true sense.. where a couple is courting a single male..

[NewAndScared 15]

I think the post was about MFM not MFMF.. your MFMF may have turned into what looked like MFM but really is not in the true sense.. where a couple is courting a single male..

 

Neoparadigm. Please remove stick from anus. Taste it and report back.

 

head bang

[fun4Ds 1,098]

have to agree with curious eccept mrs.fun was totaly against a mfm . while we were with our very first couple mrs fun was looking so dam hot i just couldnt stay out of it so i joind in from that point on the couples we played with were well informed that mrs.fun enjoys mfm and things just sort of fall into place. in fact amoungst other things this week on our discussion table we have considerd that a single guy at our home would have a safe convient stand point and she would get what she loves now facelick . however we are on a break now and would only consider sex with a few couples that have really became close friends. so it was always discussed beforehand with playmates.

[neoparadigm 15]

Not sure where your hostility is coming from... good luck with that..

MFMF is not MFM I know this ..

 

apples are not coconuts...

 

just helping the poster ....

with good intentions

[NewAndScared 15]

Not sure where your hostility is coming from... good luck with that..

MFMF is not MFM I know this ..

 

apples are not coconuts...

 

just helping the poster ....

with good intentions

 

 

Sorry Neo just having a bad day and I thought I would take it out on you since reading your other posts on other subjects seem to be frustrating everyone. :slam" I will no longer join the mob mentality and just attack at will.

 

But apples and coconuts.....yummy! Make since? No? Niether do you.....

[fun4Ds 1,098]

damb and i thaught i was havin a bad day Surrender

[AZ Dreaming 15]

Sorry Neo just having a bad day and I thought I would take it out on you since reading your other posts on other subjects seem to be frustrating everyone. :slam" I will no longer join the mob mentality and just attack at will.

 

But apples and coconuts.....yummy! Make since? No? Niether do you.....

 

 

Well, I must be having a bad day too, New and Scared.....cuz he is irritating the crap out of me as well.

 

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

Not sure where your hostility is coming from... good luck with that..

 

Neo, I think our(at least mine) irritation comes from you asking for help and then not seeming like you are taking any of it to heart.

[Tybee Swing 286]

I know in the end its all determined what makes me most comfortable since I'm the only female in this scenario, although I would like to hear other women's experiences in this to help me figure out how to go about this.

 

Hi Dez, woman here!

 

Personally, I didn't care for the earlier suggestions that were about the husband leading (warm her up - tell other man when/what to do) or the one about the 2 men talking about her fantasies, planning amongst themselves, and deciding where to take her from there.

 

I think that the best part of MFM is the woman taking the lead and getting her fantasies fulfilled, making things happen. I'm not about to go all passive and submissive in that scenario. That's a time to be in charge and to get what you want -- know what I mean? At least, that's the hot and sexy aspect of it, to me. Take those two big, strong men and have my way with them. I'll be telling them what I want as we go along, thank-you-very-much. facelick

[AZ Dreaming 15]

We (hubby and I) started by making out and then we both just kind of motioned the other guy over. Then hubby sat back and watched for a bit. Then joined back in when things got more comfortable with myself and the other guy.

 

Ours was totally unplanned, so there was no talking between the guys ahead of time. Was lots of talking between hubby and I before it happened though.

[dezaray 15]

Take those two big, strong men and have my way with them. I'll be telling them what I want as we go along, thank-you-very-much. facelick

 

OMG I love you! Honey once my feet are wet in this world, I will have absolutly NO problem letting my Dom side out! and ordering both men around to feed EVERY LAST ONE OF MY pleasures!!! From my research, I believe I'm a switcher, and can't determine wich is stronger...

 

anywhooooo......

 

I've never done this before.... and I'm alllllll about doing shit right or not doing it at all. I AM keeping an open mind, so that it's not too scripted, but for the 1st time on any full swap MFM, FMF, or MFMF, I NEEEED to know whats up in advance! My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male.

 

anywho... great advice for a little later down the road besides I think I need a wardrobe for that kinda kinky stuff, or at least I'd like one! *verrrry wicked grin*

 

Dez

[dezaray 15]

I know I'm new here and all, but I've tried SO hard to eb RESPECTFUL and not hijack someone else's post with my own rant, question, or story, off in another totallly different direction than what the poster intended.

 

I get what your saying, but is it REALLLY worth it? (for everyone involved)

 

I'm new as I said, I came here for advice, to give some if I can, and to learn about this lifestyle. Since reading here, I see there is a strong sense of common beliefs about certain things, and then there are the people that just don't conform or fit in to what every one else knows or believes. To each his own. Advice is worth what you pay for it... nothing

 

thanks for understanding

 

PEACE,

Dez

[Tybee Swing 286]

OMG I love you! Honey once my feet are wet in this world, I will have absolutly NO problem letting my Dom side out! and ordering both men around to feed EVERY LAST ONE OF MY pleasures!!! From my research, I believe I'm a switcher, and can't determine wich is stronger...

 

anywhooooo......

 

I've never done this before.... and I'm alllllll about doing shit right or not doing it at all. I AM keeping an open mind, so that it's not too scripted, but for the 1st time on any full swap MFM, FMF, or MFMF, I NEEEED to know whats up in advance! My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male.

 

anywho... great advice for a little later down the road besides I think I need a wardrobe for that kinda kinky stuff, or at least I'd like one! *verrrry wicked grin*

 

Dez

 

Dez, we have a lot more in common than you know! I'll elaborate for you and share how I'm going about it.

 

You're saying you're preparing for your first time, but you also said "My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male." So, there was this other first experience, but icky, so you're kind of writing it off and wanting a good "1st" experience? That's where I'm at, too! LOL

 

My first time with MFM was not planned, it just sort of happened pretty quickly, at an on-premise club. It didn't go at all like I would have liked, but it was a first (first MFM, first time in an on-premises club, too) and I just went with it. Ick.

 

Now, we've been talking to some local, quality guys. When we pick the right one (I've already got him pretty much pegged), it will likely work out to be a nice friendship. This time, I think it's going to go great!

 

I do plan to be the one in charge of the tone, direction, speed, and action of what happens the first time we all get together. I reserve the right to change the pace, tone, speed, act, position or whatever in mid-stream, according to the way I feel about it in that very moment. I'm going with the flow, MY flow, because I want to feel comfortable and fully on-board with what's going on. If it's more 2-against-1 with two men making choices for me, I may end up being more submissive than I would like to be and maybe it won't go really the way I wanted.

 

You know how we women are - we ebb and flow with the passion of the moment. We have the right to change our minds, in spite of a well-laid plan and pre-determined fantasy scene - right?

 

I'm not into the Dominatrix whips-and-chains, slave-boy thing. In my mind, we will be three equals in the room, but I will be confident. In MFM, I just want to the Woman Who Knows What She Wants - and as the woman, I fully reserve the right to be the director of this particular show!

[Tybee Swing 286]

I've never done this before.... and I'm alllllll about doing shit right or not doing it at all. I AM keeping an open mind, so that it's not too scripted, but for the 1st time on any full swap MFM, FMF, or MFMF, I NEEEED to know whats up in advance!

 

I thought I'd add something else that's in the works for me about this scenario right now, too. Might be something you'd like, also!

 

Most of my fantasies are random fleeting thoughts, images of positions, things like that. I'm going to organize my thoughts and fantasies and ponder them more - in writing. I'm starting to collect my MFM fantasies, write them all down, and before we get together, I'll share my written collection with my wonderful hubby and our new friend. This should not only fan the flames for everybody concerned, raising the anticipation meter (isn't anticipation great?), but also it will help to clearly communicate what's really on my mind for this scenario.

[Thrax 384]

Hi Dez,

Here are my thoughts from the perspective of a single male having participated in several MFMs.

We have thrown around a few scenarios however, can you realllly plan all the details and expect it to go that way? Isn't that less fun? Plan as you go, aside from boundaries being set upfront?

Agree with your man on boundaries upfront (condoms for intercourse, no anal, no rough stuff, etc.) and communicate these to the single male. Please make sure you respect his boundaries also. If you two are really keen on "watersports", for example, but he isn't, then do not play that way. There might be issues that come up later on during play, but if everybody is respecting the boundaries of every other party, then it's not too difficult to say, "No, not that, thanks," without stopping the fun.

 

Don't try to script your MFM. You might agree with your guy on how play should be initiated, or that you want to do this or that particular thing at some point during play, but if you try to schedule too much (first we kiss, then he fondles my breasts, then I do this, then we do that...) then it'll probably take the fun out of it for you (just know that many single males wouldn't mind a scripted MFM...just get us involved! ). I've been told by some women that part of the fun of an MFM is that the single male is NOT their significant other, and what excites them to a great degree is that he does things differently, including what he might do next...

 

With that said, it's never a faux pas to say, "Okay, let's do THIS now..." And if you're having fun, he might have some suggestions of things to try, too.

 

Well, okay, you might want to script a role-playing MFM, but you probably don't want to tackle that your first time out.

Were very new to this, so we've not even done a MFM together yet, but I look forward to it! although at the same time I think I'll be nervous when the actual time comes....

It's called "first-date nerves." I get them. Just like sex the first time with someone in the vanilla world, there can be trepidation. Unless it gets to the point of making you physically ill, I'd say it's a pretty common reaction that will enhance the experience. And don't be surprised if the single male, and your SO, are both a little nervous, too.

I think I may want my man to start the whole thing off.... although I'm not sure about this.

There are many ways to start the activity. I try to make the couple know I'm interested -- and if I go to their house or we meet at a hotel that obviously indicates interest on my part -- but I let them set the pace. I'm a little wary of making the first overt move with a new couple. It's rare that I start the play with new playmates. Here are some things that have happened to me to get the action going in some initial MFMs:

I get to the couple's house. We all go to their very small kitchen so he can get drinks. While we're talking she's making a lot of flirty gestures, touches my arm during conversation, and then finally is leaning back against me. So, I placed my hands on her hips, etc...

At a small house party I'm in the hot tub talking with two couples, and one of the women starts caressing my leg. That's a pretty good sign...

I arrive at a couple's house. They told me they'd find me out back at the pool. He's in shorts sitting in a chair, she's naked, sitting on a floatie in the water. We engage in a little nervous (at least on my part) small talk, and then she said, "C'mon, get in the pool. No swimsuits in the pool, though." I jump in the pool WITH my swimsuit on, and challenge her to enforce the rules. She does.

Husband meets me at the hotel door. He's in shorts, she's in the background in panties. They invite me in, take my drink order, take off their clothes, I take off mine (I don't want to feel conspicuous ), and we chat for 10 or 15 minutes about nudist resorts and swing clubs we've been to. While we chat he throws a big bedspread (that they brought with them) over the king-size bed. He holds up a bottle of massage oil and says, "Thrax, why don't we give Jane a massage..."

***Now, after typing those, I must take a short break***

 

I'm back. Well, you get the idea. There can be many ways to start the party. To me, a smart single male would let one of you two initiate activity, especially if it is your first MFM. Make it obvious to him that you're ready to start play.

 

The scenarios I described were with couples that I met in person at other swing events (but did not play with at that point) or hooked up with from us all being members in some online groups. We talked and/or emailed and IM'd extensively -- to get to know each other, set boundaries, etc. -- before hooking up. So there was at least some level of trust established before we met for play. (And believe me, as a single male I want to reassure myself that these people can be trusted before I get nekkid with them.)

 

I have also had some MFMs at on-premise clubs. Some were with couples I already knew. Some were "spontaneous" in that I only talked with them, danced with her, etc., for an hour or so before we went to a room. Another was with a couple that I had a short conversation with (maybe 5 minutes), I saw them later in the group room, and they invited me over. Those couples weren't first time MFMers, and that's probably not your style either. But that's just a guess.

 

A final note: If the single male is not acting respectfully, consistently violates your rules, or does anything that causes you to fear for your safety, don't be afraid to usher him out the door. On the other hand, if you just find the guy isn't compatible, don't be afraid to courteously shorten play time. These are things you should discuss with your SO beforehand.

 

That's it for now. Let me know if you have questions. Good luck, and let us know how the first one goes!

 

Thrax (My how he does go on...)

[dezaray 15]

Dez, we have a lot more in common than you know! I'll elaborate for you and share how I'm going about it.

 

You're saying you're preparing for your first time, but you also said "My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male." So, there was this other first experience, but icky, so you're kind of writing it off and wanting a good "1st" experience?

 

Sorry for the confusion Tybee, We've only had 2 soft swap experiences, and even they werern't fully 4 way, because in both cases I wasn't much into the guy. 1st one I was into the girl, 2nd I was also into the girl, but I don't think either her or her hubby was into me. She was TOO into my man, (and letting his interest in her go to her big fake blonde head-sorry to any fake blondes out there) and as a result disprespected one of my boundaries several times throughout the evening. The second couple has quite a bit of experience, and are far ahead of us in this. They knew in advance our boundaries, and agreed to respect them, she did not. Soooo in BOTH experiences, I was disrespected by a member of the other couple.

 

It's been a little difficult explaining my feelings to my sweetie, however he's been very patient (most of the time and wants our boundaries respected as well. IN the end we just agreed not to see them again. Interestingly enough the wife of the 1st couple has just called it quits on the whole swinging deal, and the joker is left standing alone.

 

ok im rambling sorry

 

"I just went with it. Ick. "

 

YEA! Been there two times, not doing it again! I realize to a degree that play partners don't have to be an exact match to what we ultimately prefer, however there's GOT TO BE SOMETHING there! for each other right?otherwise WTF is the point!? This IS about pleasure right....? although I feel like that just adds more difficulty in finding good play partners... Just my thoughts.... maybe this is an entirely different topic

 

EXCELLENT IDEA! I've thought of that too! but I think I would entrust my sweetie with this list, and maybe let him choose.... that is ONCE I'm beyond the 1st time.

 

I'm starting to collect my MFM fantasies, write them all down, and before we get together, I'll share my written collection with my wonderful hubby and our new friend. This should not only fan the flames for everybody concerned, raising the anticipation meter (isn't anticipation great?), but also it will help to clearly communicate what's really on my mind for this scenario.

 

my mind is in a million different places sometimes head bang

 

thanks for your replies to my posts, I think I found a new friend

[Tybee Swing 286]

thanks for your replies to my posts, I think I found a new friend

 

You are welcome! I've found a new friend, too. Now, you have to be sure to update us on how your MFM goes, and I'll do the same!

[dezaray 15]

I've never felt SO welcome before on any board.

Thank you Thrax & Tybee

 

 

Thrax, it's great to have an experienced single guy's advice on this! I'm sure my SO will surely appreciate it. We REALLLY want this to work! go smoothly, and just have a HOT ass time. I think reading here will certainly help us grow into this in a smart way, and enjoy it like it's supposed to be enjoyed.

 

I love the one that started with a massage at a hotel! HOT DAMN! I'm up for that!

 

Have a great night guys! Maybe tomorrow night my sweetie and I will be on together. It'll be an early bedtime tonight for us

 

Peace,

Dez

[Chandler 16]

My experience being the second male, it's always been the female that decides who starts first, and where it's going in. There really isn't any rule out there that says either way, but the suggestion has typically come from either myself (because I think it's a typical thing to do in a MFM) or the other male. It just seems awfully boring having a MFM just taking turns with the wife, and not doing the double penetration.

[Thrax 384]

Dezaray,

You are quite welcome. While I was thinking about this stuff and typing that post I realized how lucky I have been with most of the MFMs I've been involved in.

I love the one that started with a massage at a hotel! HOT DAMN! I'm up for that!

Yeah, we liked it, too. We had one encore...so far. I'm thinkin' that maybe next time he pulls out the massage oil, I'll have prompted him to say, "Jane, it's about time you give Thrax a massage first..." Well, I can hope, anyway.

 

Hope things work out with your first MFM. Just take your time and pick out the guy you REALLY want to have it with. It may not be perfect, but just like in the vanilla world, that "first date" may be a lotta fun.

 

And, of course, after all this advice, you must commit to telling us how it goes. Right?

 

Enjoy! And good luck!

 

Thrax

[menher1559 17]

MFM is our preferred area of fun. And in most cases we allow my beautiful bride to set the pace. The fun is for everyone involved of course, however we believe she should set the pace. We have experience in the MFM arena and it typically begins with her touching us both and kinda pointing us guys in the direction she wants us to go.....

 

"All's fair in love and war.....and kinky sex"

[Tybee Swing 286]

It just seems awfully boring having a MFM just taking turns with the wife, and not doing the double penetration.

 

Is DP the main event for you? Many women aren't in the MFM for the DP, or even the anal. There are so many other things a woman can do with two men at once that don't have to include anal. I don't do anal in the Lifestyle, and I'm not interested in DP - but it hasn't stopped me from doing more than "just taking turns".

[Vespertine 31]

Women, for your 1st MFM did your man start off? Did the other male start off? What did you find worked best in this situation?

 

thank you all in advance

Dez

Our first MFM was very weird-- all three of us were newbies.

 

The three of us discussed it, defined our rules, limits and turn-on's... We were all excited... planned the night, well in advance... when it came down to it we had a hard time actually initiating anything. Nobody wanted to make the first move. We three were chickenshit.

 

I had to get the ball rolling with the guys. I had to walk them through the first several minutes (and do all the work) until they were comfortable around eachother. Then- nature took over.

[CuriousInOregon 16]

I guess TECHNICALLY it wasnt a MFM as there were 2 MF couples BUT as I stated in my post that She stood down while I had my MFM and I stood Down while she had her MFM it was EXTREMEMLY HOT AND EROTIC to see my husband with her

[dezaray 15]

Is DP the main event for you?

 

Hell YEA! I LOVE seeing DP scenes in porn! and I can't wait to experience it for the 1st time!

 

However I will only allow my man in my ass, for obvious reasons.

We do have lots of cantidates, one in particular that seems VERRY interested, mmm he's a HOT ASS young thang! We've not met for a meet/greet yet, which is something I want to do before playing with anyone, and he's fine with it.

 

My SO and I have also discussed doing the FMF 1st for personal reasons dealing with some bad history with an x on his part. I won't get into details but to make a long story short, he swang years ago with an x (the love of his life) and she hurt him BAD. Lets just say, as far as it ever went was MFM's, he never once got his FMF, and I think waaaay back in the depths of his mind, he's worried it could possibly be a repeat deal with me because I want to take this whole swinging thing so slow. I assure him ALL the time of my love and respect for him, and that I'd NEVER do that to him. The past haunts us all in one way or another I suppose. I've also suggested that we try to find the right woman for our 1st FMF and do that 1st... I KNOW it will take longer to find, just the nature of the beast-unequal sexes online, and I also KNOW that if we do the MFM 1st, and it takes a long time to find the FMF, he will be upset, more impatient, and his fears will kick in over drive. So to roadblock any potential problems, I'm in no hurry to do this, however am greatly excited to do both.

 

Of course I WILL share the experience with you guys! I know how freaks LOVE juicy details! We're the same way!

 

TGIF!!!!!

Dez

[MrsHidalgo 25]

It all depends on the mood, the place, and many other factors. Usually, I start with my DH and then motion for the other guy to "cum" on in....

[MoAnamCara 15]

We have had experience with MFM and MMMF and find that the most fun has always occurred when we let the lady tell us how she wants to start. Most often this is not a verbal explanation of who does what to whom but is a physical request thru hands and eyes. We do our talking long before we ever get together for sex. Having everyone understand the boundaries and then I (male) make sure those boundaries are not crossed. Don't get me wrong,it's not all silent sex by any means. We keep it simple and let all involved contribute their "I wants".

[RMRx2 24]

not so much for overthinking it. if the parties get along well , and you have your input as you should, nature takes it's course fairly well. The one thing we experienced and hear alot, is that the woman wonders alot about doing right by both men,,,,,,,,,it only takes the first time to realize that mfm isn't about the woman taking care of two men, but the two men fullfilling her desires and fantasy come true. It took Mrs rmrx2 finding how satisying it was for her to see Mr rmrx2 enjoying himself, to understand why Mr enjoyed seeing and being a part of satisying her. Once the situation is experinced both ways, we found we both learned alot about what we each experince in each type of match up. MFM, FMF, both are satisying for us both and we have learned so much about each other in the process. Cpl match ups remian difficult, and NIETHER OF US TAKES ON FOR THE TEAM. RMRX2

[twohots4u2 188]

My gal and I agree that it is my job to take care of her, make sure she is pleased, and make sure that she is protected from any undesirable situations. I let her lead us where she wants to go and what she wants to have done to her.

 

After getting to know the guy and feeling comfortable with him through conversation, she initiates the action by letting the guy know she is interested in MFM and lets us know either verbally or with actions how she would like to start.

 

She and I have an understanding of her needs and boundaries - condoms on early, tender touches, lots of lips and tongues, no roughness, etc., and I help let the other guy know these. Usually, when something is not going right she lets me know by a touch or a glance and I convey it to the other guy.

[Chandler 16]

Is DP the main event for you? Many women aren't in the MFM for the DP, or even the anal. There are so many other things a woman can do with two men at once that don't have to include anal. I don't do anal in the Lifestyle, and I'm not interested in DP - but it hasn't stopped me from doing more than "just taking turns".

 

I understand and totally agree with you, there are other amazing things that can be done with a MFM, I was mostly over simplifying the taking turns comment. I also agree, some woman don’t care for anal, but even that boils down to personal preferences. So, I would say it’s not necessarily the main event, but it’s the one that usually tops off the whole evening for being the most extreme.

[plymouthsd 15]

been there both ways, so anti climatic if it is not finished withDP. Unsatusfying for all. Preperation is the key and only way to go. Start with the small and work up to the big for her. She will always fondly remember. A hicky on both her tits will help her remember how good it was for days and want more.

[Sexyasian 15]

Always my husband as he loves it

[sapphire68 15]

I think that the best part of MFM is the woman taking the lead and getting her fantasies fulfilled, making things happen. I'm not about to go all passive and submissive in that scenario. That's a time to be in charge and to get what you want -- know what I mean? At least, that's the hot and sexy aspect of it, to me. Take those two big, strong men and have my way with them. I'll be telling them what I want as we go along, thank-you-very-much. facelick

I so wish I could be like you. I know I want MFM real bad but I just have no idea how to go about it once I'm in that situation.