Girls, How did you discover you were Bi?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

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Bi-sexuality is not something in which a switch just flips on. It is a mutual desire, attraction and appreciation of the same sex. Should you ever engage in any activity with someone of the same gender, in the heat of the moment, so to speak, it would not be considered as being bi-sexual, it would just be considered as being "highly sexually charged at the moment".

 

Ok, reading this post from OhioCouple got me thinking about how I discovered that I was bi.

 

I never would have considered myself bi at all or even attracted to women. Then one day a good friend of mine told me that she had been having dreams about us together. We started talking about it from there and a few months later she was my first. So in those few months I would say I was definitely bi-curious. Once I crossed that line and we had our first experience together I was definitely bi.

 

Prior to that I never would have even considered the thought of being with another woman. The idea was not a turn on. However, I could very easily look at other women and say "hey she's hot". I would even hang out with the guys I worked with and we would judge women as they walked by.

 

So for me, in a way a switch did one day just flip when the right woman came along. I am to this day extremely picky about those women I am willing to be with. Much more so than I am with men. For women their looks do have to turn me on. For men I look more for personality and they have to get to me mentally. With a woman I'm not looking for some emotional connection, basically just a woman that turns me on.

 

So now the question for those of you ladies who do consider yourself bisexual. What was the turning point for you where you went from being a straight woman only interested in men, to being a bisexual woman who was turned on by the ideas of being with another woman?

[MagicEnigma 16]

I major in graphic design, there are a great many gay and lesbian and bi people in my major and those like it. Not sure why, never really thought about it. I had a few women who were either lesbian or bi in one case. They were friends, I hung out with them, even going downtown to a particular bar that has a “alternative lifestyle” friendly night. I heard “war stories” from my friends, talked a lot, even flirted with girls sometimes. That is what got my mind thinking about it, and the more I did, the more I figured maybe there was more of an interest that I realized.

 

The guy I was with at the time was pushing for a threesome with a women, I was pushing to have a second guy, we had a standing compromise that we’d do the other for the other, if we got around to be comfortable with it (that actually lead to my first group experience, though I hadn’t started thinking about that yet).

 

That sat in the background for months. I thought about women a bit more and during a road trip down south, I roomed with a lesbian friend, and only semi-discreetly watching she and her date romp in bed, I realized I wanted to be with her. She and I came home alone the next night, and that is when I had my first time. I knew then that it wasn’t just something I was curious about, I really got into it fully, and haven’t looked back.

 

That opened the door to my agreeing to a threesome with my then boyfriend, which got him to arrange to meet the couple we had our swap with, and that has lead me to swinging. Outside of that, I’ve not actually gone out with guys since, and find myself the girls now, not that I’m not going to see guys too. I not sure I could or would want to try not having women in my life sexually now.

[Quin 17]

From as early as age twelve, I can remember being *attracted* to women. Not necessarily in the same way I was to guys because with guys it was mental as well as sexual attraction, but with females it seemed to be just a physical sexual attraction.

 

I think all women judge all women on their physical appearance such as: 'She's a hottie', 'She's ugly', 'She's got a huge behind', 'She's got no breasts', 'She's fuckable', etc etc. Men don't do this nearly as much as females do because it would, or they think it would, put a big question mark on their 'heterosexual manhood'.  I remember listening once to two of my brothers making remarks about one of their friends who happened to be well endowed and they were discussing it as if it were disgusting but I knew that they really were jealous...had one of them said something like, 'Yeah he's got a big cock...but, damn, man I bet he can really please with that big thing', my other brother would of probably beat the crap out of him and called him a homo. It's just taboo for men to judge other men as us women do other women.

 

But back to the topic at hand, I found myself *tingling* when looking, seeing or being around some women. I never acted on anything for being too scared probably and in all likelihood never would have that early in my life had it not been for my college roommate in my freshman year. College was a new freedom for me...I was finally able to relax and really be okay with my body, whereas at home that wasn't allowed. One night I had come back from the shower and was in the room with just a pair of panties on, settling back on my bed reading a textbook when my roommate began asking me questions. She was very small breasted and here I was with these big things. The questions began very innocently...did it hurt my back, did guys gawk, did they try to grope, and then she came over on the bed, sat down and said that she had been admiring them and would I let her touch them. Well, one thing led to another and that was my first experience. It was my first experience as well as hers...and believe me, we had many many more experiences throughout our four years of being roommates. And while we were both novices that first time, what to do just came naturally somehow and it was much more relaxed than it ever has been with a male for the first time.

 

So it isn't something I did because a man wanted me to do it, it isn't something that came to me later in life, it wasn't something I sat and thought about and decided I wanted to try. It was just always a part of me, I suppose.

 

This is where it may become confusing. While I may desire women (and yes, I do have a certain body type that is a turn on and there are certain physical attributes the woman must have in order for me to desire her), I don't go beyond and have no desire to go beyond a friendship level with them whereas with men, I can go beyond that level and care/love them as a *mate*. Hope that makes sense, I'm at a loss for words on exactly how to explain it effectively.

[ddrewd 15]

Quin, I was both touched and turned on by your description of your first time with a woman. If only everyone's 'firsts' could be as sweet, sex would finally shake the 'dirty' label that puritans keep pinning to it.

[RnKin Fla 15]

It's interesting to see this topic here. My sister asked me the other day, after "outing" ourselves to each other, just how long I'd known I was bisexual.

 

I guess I've known ever since I was sexually aware. I've always been attracted to BOTH men and women. And it is not attraction because one is a man or one is a woman. I am attracted to the individual person.

 

Personally, I'd never trade this orientation for the world, either. I am having way too much fun.

[ga_cpl_frknit 17]

This question is for anyone who is bi. When did you know you were bi? Was it any particular moment? Or did you just "decide" one day that you were bi?

 

My story:

I was 17, a senior in high school and found myself attracted to one of the cheerleaders (I know, how cliche ) I was confused, I was scared....I was fascinated. How could I be so attracted to her and yet still be attracted to men? (ummm, okay... at 17, we'll call them boys, LOL)

 

I began to have fantasies about being with her, and would masturbate while I was thinking about her. I hid this from anyone I knew because (at that time anyway) no one would have understood.

 

Anyway, I didn't have my first bi experience until a year and a half later (unfortunately not with her ) and decided then that I really liked it. I don't know that I "decided" to be bi-sexual...that's just the way I am.

 

So, I was just wondering how anyone else "knew"???

 

~Tracy~ (who still has a "thing" for cheerleaders...go figure)

[St. Augustine 20]

(Cathy)

 

I seriously didn't realize I was until just before I started coming to visit this Board.

 

I have always looked at other woman. Loved looking at them as far back as I can remember. Woman have beautiful bodies. Don't get me wrong men do also. I also look at men.

 

It wasn't until I bought a book with Erotic stories about 1 year ago and read one of them that was about two women that I started having fantasies about it. I was brought up very, very Catholic. My first reaction to these fantasies was to freak out and read my bible. LOL.

 

Sometime last fall Mike and I watched this soft porn and when I saw the scene that had 2 women making love it turned me on no end. Needless to say, Mike and I have amazing sex afterwards.

 

About 2 weeks before Mike and I joined this Board I finally opened up to him and shared with him my fantasies about having a 3some with another woman. I wasn't sure of his reaction, but of course, he was all for it.

 

July 5th we went to our first off-premise club and I played in the pool with 2 other women. This isn't just a fantasy for me any more. I discovered that I really enjoyed this experience and want more. I can't wait to have my first real 3some experience with another woman. I want to experience it all. Not just what an off-premise club calls --legal-- behavior in the pool.

[twopeople2 15]

St Augustine Cathy - parts of your story sound very familiar. I was raised Southern Baptist which would make it a religious tragedy to be bi. There are numerous preachers on both sides of my family. I also always looked at woman as well as men. I realized it recently more as pillow talk when my husband would tell me he'd like to see me with another woman. After a while, I admitted to him this was actually my fantasy too. Now we're open about it with each other and are just looking for the right couple.

[St. Augustine 20]

(Cathy)

 

I hear you... I was uptight for years... afraid to masturbate and afraid of my own nudity because of the preachings of the Catholic churches and having been educated in catholic schools.

 

It took a special man to bring me out and open myself to pleasure. That having pleasure with your own body or with someone else's is not a mortal sin and will not damn you to the eternal fires of hell.

 

Since I have learned this acceptance about being bi and sexually attracted to women as well as men this has opened up a whole new sensual side of me. I must admit that sex is far more hot and pleasurable than ever before.

 

Glad to know there are other women out there with similar experiences.

[Silkywt 15]

Wow great posts girls ya know.. for as long as i can remember I've always been attracted to girls(first) and just MAD about women ...... I kept it hidden until I was 30 years old..(even denied it to myself for years) and still i hide it to an extent. .but baby i'm coming out .... hehehe

pam

[St. Augustine 20]

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I kept it hidden until I was 30 years old..(even denied it to myself for years) and still i hide it to an extent. .but baby I'm coming out .... hehehe

 

At least you didn't hide from it until you were 45 like me! lol

[Silkywt 15]

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At least you didn't hide from it under you were 45 like me! lol

 

I'm going crazy enough as it is right now. Still a virgin in that area... lol. I might be 45 before it ever happens... waiting for the right opportunity lol How sad... lmao

[OhioCouple 40]

Having had a couple of soft experiences in my pre-teens and then another in my early twenties, I think I knew it then.

 

Funny thing about it though after being able to test the waters fully in my 40's, it is no longer a huge passion for me and it won't happen again unless that magical person sparks my interest. Really no different than what it take for a man to.

 

So, yes, I am bi, but I won't be bi for just anyone.

 

If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)

[ga_cpl_frknit 17]

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Originally posted by OhioCouple

If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)

 

I like. I like very much!! Mind if I borrow it? *bats eyelashes*

 

~Tracy~

[thump29 16]

Well I have always had a interest in women but afraid to explore that part of me until my best friend told me that she was bi. I still hestitated for a few years.

 

Well I am 26 now and about a month and a half ago had my first bi experience with my best friend, and I really wish I had not of waited so long to give into my desires. I can only say that I am bi and I love being with a woman.

[OhioCouple 40]

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Originally posted by OhioCouple

If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)

 

Use it whenever and where ever ya want, Tracy. I've learned the hard way, maybe you or anyone else won't have to.

 

Graduate, O, who has a PHD in feminine bi-sexuality from the school of "Hard Knocks".

[Silkywt 15]

Well I am 26 now and about a month and a half ago had my first bi experience with my best friend, and I really wish I had not of waited so long to give into my desires. I can only say that I am bi and I love being with a woman.

 

Congrats!!!!!!!!!

[hfire269 16]

I remember always looking at other girls, but for me I knew for sure as soon as I met my best friend in 11th grade (I was 17). She was new to the school and rode the same bus and lived about 2 miles away. I was always flirting with her and asked her out several times but her family was not going to have another one of THOSE kind in their family...

 

I used to spend the night at her house a lot and it was all I could do to control myself. I felt like a guy and it was driving me crazy...LOL

 

To this day I still don't know if I ever had a chance with her or not cause she won't tell me. I love her just like I love my husband. (I understand what you guys go though and sometimes I wish I was a guy )I did have an experience with another female about 2 months ago and I have to say I loved every minute of it! 

[St. Augustine 20]

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I'm going crazy enough as it is right now. Still a virgin in that area... lol. I might be 45 before it ever happens... waiting for the right opportunity lol How sad... lmao

 

Yeah, but at least you realize it before you hit 45 like me! So the chances are high that you won't be my age awaiting the right opportunity lol.

 

I recently went to an off-premise club with Mike and played in the pool with 2 other women at the same time. The playing was --legal activities-- but I made out with 2 women, touched them, fingered them and got the same in return. I enjoyed myself immensely and I am looking forward to being able to go further in exploring this awakening side of my sexuality.

 

[Silkywt 15]

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So the chances are high that you won't be my age awaiting the right opportunity lol.

 

Well you might be right! lol.. Only time will tell.. Hurry time! Hurry!!! lol...

[Couple_DFW 15]

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Originally posted by OhioCouple

Having had a couple of soft experiences in my pre-teens and then another in my early twenties, I think I knew it then.

 

Funny thing about it though after being able to test the waters fully in my 40's, it is no longer a huge passion for me and it won't happen again unless that magical person sparks my interest. Really no different than what it take for a man to.

 

So, yes, I am bi, but I won't be bi for just anyone.

 

If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)

 

What do you think constitutes bi? Is it just being able to be with the same sex? OR do emotions play into it? I certainly don't have feelings/emotions for the women that I've been with like I have had feeling/emotions for the men that I have been with.

 

Like you, I've been with other women and it will certainly take something magical. My motto is : "It's sorta like chicken.....if I never have it again it won't hurt my feelings".

[St. Augustine 20]

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Well you might be right! lol.. Only time will tell.. Hurry time! Hurry!!! lol...

 

LOL, I feel the same way... once I come to an understanding or a decision I become inpatient with waiting for it to happen!!!!

[wrnakedru 38]

I think that bisexuality is a natural progression as a woman comes to a comfort level about her own body. When she learns to enjoy the pleasure available to her from her body, and how to relax and enjoy it. I recall that for years I would turn away, not wanting to kiss my (ex)husband right after he had performed wonderful oral sex on me - because all I could think was "Ewwww!" - the idea of tasting myself was beyond my comprehension as desirable. So the idea of orally pleasuring another woman, for me, was only possible after I had learned to appreciate myself.

 

(The following is a copy of my post from another thread, but on the same topic)

 

I too went into things feeling beyond curious but definitely not certain about anything. Our first time with another couple did not include anything between myself and the lady, it just kind of worked out that way. Actually, that is how things worked twice more after that.

But the week following that 3rd experience (3rd couple), the female called and invited me to lunch. She didn't work, I did. I met her at a Steak and Ale - we had wine with our lunch. By the time I called in to work with some excuse about why I wouldn't be back, we were about to drink the third glass of wine. Two sips into it, she suggested a bubble bath and some champagne at her home might be a pleasant way to spend the afternoon (which was one of those hazy, rainy afternoons made for just such activity). Think that was one of the fastest exits from a restaurant I'd ever done.

 

Logistics dictated that both cars had to be driven, and following her home was delicious tingling torture. We actually did manage some time in that bubble bath - but the champagne and ever increasing arousal made us realize we might drown if we didn't move into the bedroom. What followed was of course one of the most exquisitely memorable afternoons of my life. It developed she had only had a bit of kissing as part of foursome activities and had not been quite sure what her comfort level might be despite what her desires seemed to indicate. So we were each others first. I feel sure that being able to just give ourselves up to one another with complete abandon added to the perceived perfection. It was not planned by either of us ahead of time; it was just one of those "God's in his heaven and all is right with the world" times.

 

My husband was swept away as well, hearing the details when I finally got home at around 10:30 that night. He was wise enough to realize the "benefits" to him were just beginning. He could not have ever "packaged and bought" what the experience did for me and my sexuality.

So when this topic comes up, and I am asked my advice for first encounters of an ice-breaking nature - I recommend when that time arrives: give the ladies their time together alone. Without the men even in the room. And whenever possible, without the ladies feeling any time constraints from the men. The benefits to all are enormous, and after all, you only have ONE very first time. Help make it memorable.

 

Added note: I have found that the shared time alone between the two women can be essential in establishing trust (besides the wonderful sensuality of the time). The bond that results can only benefit the time when the two couples get together. If possible rather than thinking of this as "separate" playtime - try viewing it as the best preparation for what is yet to come.

 

It isn't something that is necessary each and every time, but I do believe the enhancement it can provide will be quite special. I recall that some say they do not feel an emotional response to other women. While I understand the thrust (sorry, no pun intended) of this statement - I do think women are far better at bonding with one another and that is a positive thing!