How long does a woman stay bicurious?

[Stratecpl 19]

Julie,

 

I don't know anything about all those percentages and all, and I guess I'm still lost over that thread a few months ago concerning the dental damn... lol

 

I want to ask a question in all seriousness here. It's not meant to rile anyone up or degenerate into a name-calling post. Since I don't have any idea about the answer, here goes:

 

How long does a woman stay Bi-Curious??

 

I ask because we personally know women who have been swinging for many years and are still saying they are Bi-Curious! In my opinion, either you are straight or bisexual.

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[PA_RACERS 17]

From the people I have met most women who say they are bi-curious are actually bi. They are very picky about the women they are with or the others don't want it posted that they are fully bi. To me it's like the women who buy there clothes a size to small so they don't have to admitt how they actually are.

 

 

Just my two cents

 

Marsha

[LIZA 20]

I dont think it is possible to remain bi-CURIOUS after you have actually had a bi experience. That seems to refer more to the fantasy stage.

However I think a lot of women (and some men) are more bi-open than actually bisexual. Able to be sexual with someone of the same sex in certain situations but not living an actual lifestyle of bisexuality.

I would guess that those women make up the vast majority of females in swinging, but maybe they are just using bi-curious to describe it

[Stratecpl 19]

Well, I guess I'm just awed by the amount of time involved here. If you can't decide this in six years you need more than we could offer here on this board! Seems to me that one or two trial runs should be enough for even the most stubborn person to make a decision!!!

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[danc694u 19]

Strate,

 

What you've run into, is a couple who hasn't learned all the terminology yet.

 

There are more than 2 stages of BI.

 

BI

BI-Curious

Aggressive BI

Passive BI

 

Many people confuse Passive Bi with BI-Curious. Passive Bi people will state they are Bi-curious. When in all actuality, they are Bi, but very picky about who they are with, and who is the dominate partner.

 

Much like gay males. You have a top (aggressive) and a bottom (passive). Passives generally seek out aggressives. While aggressives will seek both.

 

Short answer, they're bi. They just don't persue women as aggressively as others do.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

How long does a woman stay Bi-Curious??

 

I ask because we personally know women who have been swinging for many years and are still saying they are Bi-Curious! In my opinion, either you are straight or bisexual.

 

Ya know this is a question I wonder about as well. To me it seems like you can only be bi-CURIOUS until you've tried it. Then if you like it, you're bi. IF you don't you're straight. I don't think you can stay curious forever tho.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by danc694u:

 

There are more than 2 stages of BI.

 

BI

BI-Curious

Aggressive BI

Passive BI

 

Short answer, they're bi. They just don't pursue women as aggressively as others do.

 

Wouldn't passive bi be those who are willing to receive only. You see a lot of that in the lifestyle. I would equate to what someone else called "bi-open". You are willing to be touched or receive oral from someone of the same sex but you aren't willing to give.

 

I, personally wouldn't even consider this bi. More like something they are just doing to make other people happy. (If they shut their eyes they don't know if it's male or female.. kinda thing).

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

Wouldn't passive bi be those who are willing to receive only. You see a lot of that in the lifestyle

 

I, personally wouldn't even consider this bi.

 

We wouldn't either. But, there are those that just aren't as aggressive about it as others. They enjoy it, and are willing to give as well as receive. They just don't actively pursue it.

 

I guess we need a bi-meter now. To see who is really bi and, who is just doing it to please someone else.

[Stratecpl 19]

another reason I'm glad I'm 10000000000% str8 It's much simpler! LOL

 

Connie

[TNT 1,155]

LOL..Bi-meter...we have often talked about this ourselves...this is what we came up with...

 

Str8________________Bi________________Gay/Les

_____________________________________________

*__________*________*_________*___________*__

only_______mostly___enjoys___mostly______only

opposite___opposite__both_____same_______same

sex_______but______equally__but_________sex

__________sometimes_________sometimes_______

___________same______________opposite________

 

I think most people fall somewhere on this scale...I myself fall somewhere between mostly opposite and enjoys both equally.

 

Teresa

 

It only took me three times to get it to look this good, but hopefully you get the gist of it...lol.

[Stratecpl 19]

Thank everyone for their input here. I was really amazed at how long it must take to make up one's mind! (talk about indecision!!!) I agree, you're curious until you've actually TRIED it...then either you are bi or NOT bi. But if you all have browsed the major swinger sites you have all seen thousands of profiles vehemently stating "BI-CURIOUS" and for the length of time they have been swinging varies from several months to many years. Back to the drawing board, I guess!! LOL

 

End of discussion, guys. Again, thanks for your input!!

 

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

seen thousands of profiles vehemently stating "BI-CURIOUS" and for the length of time they have been swinging varies from several months to many years. Back to the drawing board, I guess!! LOL

 

Of course you have to consider that some may have started out completely straight then over time found that they may be attracted to the same sex (slightly bi-curious) then decided they may want to try it (bi-curious).. which would explain the length of time they have been swingers. When we first started swinging I was completely straight, a few months later I discovered I was considering trying something with a girl I was very close to who had mentioned some of her fantasies to me... it just went from there. For some the path may be longer than others. At this point I would say I'm somewhere around "mostly opposite/sometimes same". As far as enjoying sex with girls. However, when checking people out I find myself checking out girls more often than guys sometimes or at least as often.

[BandA 15]

We have had fun, too, wondering about how long you can stay 'curious' about something you have tried.

 

I consider myself 'bi-comfortable'. I really like guys, have never initiated an encounter with another female, but in a close sexual situation I like 'people' to touch and to be touched by.

 

Sometimes, another girl will know exactly what will make an experience "out of this world" and in that situation I love to be both the giver and the receiver.

 

I do feel sorry for you guys that most men can not be as comfortable with accidentally touching each other as we girls. Especially in a situation with new swinging partners, I see how my husband has part of his attention on not offending anybody by getting too close to another man, attention he should have fully on giving and receiving pleasure.

[NELA Couple 15]

My wife and I are both new to the lifestyle and this board. But seems to us that everyone wants to put a label on everything and everyone. Lets just enjoy the adventure and have fun. We get labeled plenty by the general public without having to add our own labels.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by NELA Couple:

My wife and I are both new to the lifestyle and this board. But seems to us that everyone wants to put a label on everything and everyone.

 

Personally, we like the labels. God forbid that we go into a club. Take a couple back to our room, only to find out they aren't married. But, the female brought her GAY (male) friend with her for some fun!

 

Sometimes, labels are a good thing.

[Stratecpl 19]

Originally posted by BandA: I do feel sorry for you guys that most men can not be as comfortable with accidentally touching each other as we girls.

 

Not all girls are comfortable with it either!

[BandA 15]

To NELA couple,

Welcome to the Lifestyle - hope it will give you everything you are hoping for.

I agree that we have plenty of labels to deal with in this world, but after some time in the Lifestyle, it will become clear that labels can prevent some embarrassing or hurtful moments. They are not all bad.

Let them guide you, and don't be afraid to change your own as you gain experience and realize what is right or wrong for you.

 

B

[ReadingPaCouple 15]

This is not complicated. You are Bi-Curious until you have tried it. Once you tried you eithter liked it (and therefore, are Bi), or you hated it and just chalk it up to experience (Not Bi).

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by ReadingPaCouple:

This is not complicated.

 

Your wrong there. It is very complicated, still.

 

Reason: We mark EVERY ad we post on any site, straight. Why throw bait out to some dumbass that HOPES his wife/girlfriend will want to try it to please him, even though she hates the idea.

 

Regardless of which of us post an ad. We both put straight. It's not complicated at all to figure out why. Especially after you speak with a few people on line that "claim" to be bi or bi-curious. Only to find out they are curious because their spouse wants them to be. Not because they want to be.

[LIZA 20]

Haha Danc,

 

Somehow I don't think that one is TOO likely!

[invictus 45]

I can only speak for my self but....

 

I always call myself bi-curious because I am selective and I must be very interested in the other girl. I would never want to hurt someones feelings but would also not go too far with someone I was not very interested in and attracted to. I have been with other girls in the past and want to be again but, I still think bi-curious is my best "label" until a situation arises that makes me commit to something else.

 

Calling myself bi-curious is not meant to be deceptive but rather an "open door" I can use to meet others and then decide if I should let them in.

 

Any comments?

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by LIZA:

Haha Danc,

 

Somehow I don't think that one is TOO likely!

 

Try responding to more ads. You'll find it VERY likely. We've talked to "couples" that claimed to have a bi female. Only to find out, the female was completely clueless. It was her husband doing all the bi talking.

 

Even on our private page. When we make reference to BI, it is clearly stated, WITH THE RIGHT PERSON but I prefer men!

 

We don't want to attract fantasy seekers. We want to attract real people, with real relationships.

[LIZA 20]

Sorry Danc, I don't even know why I said that! Must have been a brain fart because it makes NO sense to me now!

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by LIZA:

Must have been a brain fart because it makes NO sense to me now!

 

We didn't take it personal. :p We just thought maybe you were having a bad day. After all, this is Monday LOL

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

Julie,

In my opinion, either you are straight or bisexual.

 

Or homosexual. I believe that your sexuality is capable of evolving. Some people are actually totally straight (most). Some are totally homosexual. Some are bi. Some could fall anywhere between any of those. Some people actually change there desires. I have lost interest in bi-sexual activity lately for some reason. Weird huh.

[LIZA 20]

Oh ok I am not losing my mind..........THIS is what I was replying to in my own roundabout way:

 

"But, the female brought her GAY (male) friend with her for some fun!"

 

Altho a club we went to is now open to Male/male couples (always were open female/female I think)

[JessicaJamison 861]

On 1/7/2002 at 7:35 PM, Stratecpl said:

How long does a woman stay Bi-Curious??  ....we personally know women who have been swinging for many years and are still saying they are Bi-Curious! In my opinion, either you are straight or bisexual.

Life is a journey of self discovery.  No one gets to tell you when you are done with that journey.  She is Bicurious till she decides she is something else.  First there is a big difference mentally between being curious about something and being something.  Being Bicurious is harmless, guys dream of it.  Being Bisexual comes with certain social stigmas, and maybe they aren't ready to say that word out loud.  Maybe they aren't Bisexual at all and are just playing a part to placate a controlling spouse. That happens a lot. Maybe they were raised super religious and told that being gay was a disgusting sin against God and they would burn in hell forever for acting on those desires.  Maybe when she was twelve she got caught kissing Kristen Gilkey during a sleepover and her mom grabbed a belt and whipped her so bad she couldn't sit for three days, and still has scars on her legs to this day.  We were just practicing.  So Cut her some slack, they are trying to come to terms with their own sexuality and honestly it doesn't affect you at all.  

[couplers 4,640]

My journey went from wanting to watch my husband have sex with other women (I already had a boyfriend for two years), to sucking his dick afterwards, to participating in FMFs, to having full-on Lesbian experiences with women alone.  My enduring favorite is FFMs; so many possibilities.

[lcmim 1,082]

This is only my opinion:

 

It would seem that as long as she wants to claim it.

[enhancer 1,585]

IMO a person who is attracted to both sexes is bi sexual whether they have been with their own gender or not.  Your sexuality is about who you are attracted to not who or what you have done.  I was straight before I ever had sex with a woman and I am straight now.  My missus was bi sexual before she ever had sex with another woman and she still is.

 All these terms like bi curious and bi situational are nothing, but confusing and annoying when it comes to finding people that are compatible in the lifestyle.  On top of that so many people are just dishonest in their description on profiles you don’t know who to believe and who not to believe.

 

We have found that many of the women that are listed usually by their hopeful husband as bi are indeed not and many of the men that list themselves as straight are indeed bi.  We wish people would just be honest and save us wasting our time on people that are not what we are looking for.

[patrickmtn 21]

It is interesting to see the variability of times in this thread, spanning about 18 years! It is funny how much things have changed within this time period. There is certainly a huge effort to address these different identities in a public way now. Like JJ has said, there are so many different variables affecting a person at any one time; maybe the only utility in identifying as anything is to be clear when it comes to being sought by others. I think the states are becoming more secular all the time, and with that transition stigmas will only continue to diminish. I don't think people have any way to know how they will be from one moment to the next honestly.

[TricianMike 772]

A woman is curious until she plays with a woman. I’m not talking about kissing, I’m talking doing something sexual. When she does it a second time because she wants to, not forced by her husband or boyfriend she loses the curious label. A woman who loses her virginity is no longer a virgin, you don’t refer to her as sexually curious, she is officially sexual. 

[PSULioness 847]

I went from no interest or curiosity to full bi in one night. It was a complete surprise to me when a friend just went for it during a sleepover at a hotel that wasn’t planned, with a male friend of hers. To this day I can’t believe I allowed the contact and that I ended up spreading my legs allowing her more access. Did I miss the the curious part or should I be grateful that I never went through the anxiety? I have mentioned many times that the experience has really changed my life 100%. 

[couplers 4,640]

12 hours ago, PSULioness said:

I can’t believe I allowed the contact and that I ended up spreading my legs allowing her more access.

 

It was the opposite for me - hubby had just finished with a woman who we both liked, I was jealous and went down on her to claim his semen back.  Both she and I continued the relationship with and without hubby mediating the sexuality between us.

 

12 hours ago, PSULioness said:

I have mentioned many times that the experience has really changed my life 100%. 

Amen, sister!  It changed my life and my husband's by us realizing that I could love a woman as much as a man.  It lead to us inviting Clair, and eventually Lora, into our family where we now have a bunch of bad-ass kids that to whom we are all parents, regardless of biological origins.

 

[shy_couple 459]

I tend to agree that you are no-curious until you try it. Personally I (Mrs. Shy) consider myself bi-situational. Straight unless it’s with the right girl. 
 

For the most part, I steer clear of fully bi women because in our experience they can be a little too aggressive. 
 

unfortunately, SLS and online profiles tend to have a limited selection of available “labels” or categories to choose from.