Discretion & You

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Seeing posts here about how someone lost their job over posting their pictures online, getting messages from others who want to change their screen name to "come out of the closet" a bit, and I wonder about some things.

 

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

If you do any of these, WHY? Why do you take such huge risks? I know we've had topics in the past about how swingers should be able to be more open about who they are and what they do, but in reality unless your job is related to swinging, your family already knows and you don't have any kids from a previous marriage, the risks are definitely there and are things you should be thinking about. It's easy for some of us who's entire lives (livelihood) is based on swinging to say that we should be more out as a group, we have a lot less to lose. But for most swingers that is not the case.

 

Some things to think about.

 

- Anything you post HERE (and on many other sites) can be Googled. So if your screen name is your real names, or a name you use regularly on other sites and someone Googles you, they will find you here (this is why in the registration process I suggest that you do not use your Real Names in your screen name).

 

- If you have a profile someplace like Yahoo, anyone can view that, so be careful what you put in it. They've been used in court before.

 

- Most sites, including this one, will do what they can to help protect you and help you be discrete but we can only do so much. You have to use common sense from the beginning.

 

I recently saw a couple who I thought had the utmost of discretion go to all ends to wipe their online slate because they had been using screen names that were the same as names the general public knew them by and someone else decided to be indiscrete with their information.

 

So please be careful and think things through. Think about what you may have to lose and think about what you can do to protect it.

 

Yes, in an ideal world we all should be able to be open and honest about what we do and shouldn't be anyone else's business. But, this is not an ideal world, this is a world where what we do is still ILLEGAL in many states (the legal definition of adultery doesn't consider whether or not our spouse approves), and still considered immoral by most.

[04kingpin 15]

It would help if a subscriber was able to change their screen name using the same EM address for those who made a mistake. In other words if a screen name is too revealing why not let them change it. I wonder how many do not post anymore because they cant change their screen name. SOME people cant change their EM address for various reasons.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No. We set up a new one as soon as we started researching SEX.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

No. On our swinger ad sites I post no full nudes of me, just one nipple shows in one private pic with my face (but I think I'll remove that pic). There are a couple of nude pics of MrLM and all of our more revealing pics are private...and MrLM's hands are appropriately placed to cover his manhood.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

No we wouldn't. We don't even have a profile on Yahoo.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

No. We use the special email address we set up in the beginning and it doesn't include our names.

[DGrey 28]

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1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No, we don't use external email at all. We keep all contact within the site. If we do get approached by a couple who wants to email us pictures, we refuse politely saying that we pay for the sites for a reason and if they'd like to see/share pictures, it needs to be done on the site. If, after we've met with a couple a few times, we'll start emailing externally.

 

The Yahoo ID I use (Dino hates messenger programs) is one that I've had for ages but I rarely use it for family. Just like external email, it only gets given to people with whom we've already made contact. It's not noted anywhere in any ouf our profiles. The profile attached to the Messenger doesn't have any personal information, nude pictures etc because I do use it to keep in touch with some Vanilla friends as well.

 

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2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

Nope. On SLS our face pics used to be public but they're blurred now and if people want to see them, we need some initial contact first. I'm preparing to take the road to teaching certification and I just felt that a teaching contract would probably have some type of morality clause somewhere and we just felt that it be best to remove our face pics until after making contact with someone.

 

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3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

Not a snowball's chance in hell.

 

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4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

Our emails do contain part of our real names but again, we don't give them out until after meeting with a couple and getting to know them. OUr user names are the same everywhere, DGrey. It's got nothing to do with our real names at all.

 

You've given some great advice, Julie. It's truly amazing what people can find on the internet these days.

[havefuninsun 122]

The problem(s) recently presented (the person being fired for her off-work fun) is the reason we simply do not share face pics. We just don't do it. Our private pics are semi-nudes ... they show our bodies and the "shape" we're in ... but, even sharing face pics via private pics can "implicate" us to our fun.

 

Do we think it's right? ABSOLUTELY not. Do I think anyone should be fired from work for something they do recreationally, between consenting adults? No. Are "we" in a minority in our thinking? Obviously. So when folks get upset with us, or simply won't communicate with us because we won't share face pics, what can we say. I wish some folks in the lifestyle who are just hell-bent on having face pics before communicating or meeting understand the risks involved ... for them as well as for us! We're not trying to be difficult. I can't AFFORD to lose my job over this ... Sorry, but for us, it's not worth it.

 

Our screen name is generic enough; our yahoo chat account is the same generic name; our email address is the same. We have had nothing but wonderful experiences from like-minded folks we've met (everyone is very discreet); we don't talk about this part of our live(s) with anyone except like-minded folks -- it's the "others" that concern us. And we just don't want to go there.

 

What a sad thing that people can't just mind their own business.

[VanHlebar 187]

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1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No, we have a special email account for our swinging activity and if anyone were to actually do a WHOIS on our domain name, the domain is privately registered.

 

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2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

We do not post full nude shots, but we do have facial shots of ourselves on our public pics on both sites we belong to. We talked about this alot before doing it and we both decided that we just didn't care.

 

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3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

No we would not. We have in the past posted some pics on a amateur web site, but that site had a registration process that you must go through before being able to view any pics. In addition, the site has since been taken down as the owner lost a law suit in FL and was forced to shut it down.

 

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4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

We do give out our real first names to people prior to meeting them. We do not give out our last names until we have become very good friends.

 

 

I will give a short story though of something that happened not to long to us. A very good friend of our, that also happens to be a client of my company, sort of outed us as being in the lifestyle. I have always used the same user name for almost all of my online forums. It was very easy for him to do a google search on my user name and come up with posts on this forum and many other (non-adult related). For us, we are very lucky that he is a close friend and basically said what we do with our personal life is our business not his. It could have easily gone the other way also.

 

I agree with what Julie says and in the future we should be more careful as to what we are doing. The biggest issue is that things are already out there and to us, well we will deal with them when and if it happens. We are not too overly concerned about our work related stuff as I own my own business and if she were to lose her job, well she could come to work for my company.

 

We started trying to cover our tracks way to late and have decided not to bother anymore as it was way too late.

[Jaz Kansorka 15]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

NO way!!! We both use a vanilla ID for family and a swinger ID for our other life.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

NO again..in fact on the SN and SLS sites, our face and nude pics are all in private galleries and we are very cautious about who gets access...people that are paying members, been on the site a while etc.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

Nope...

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

We do not use our real names in the lifestyle at all except when we initially joined our local club. The owner is the only one that knows what the real names are, even our last name is not real. No one in the lifestyle is given that information without very good reason, and the few that do know it still call us by our lifestyle names. More than once we've been out eating and over heard conversations at another table where people's names are mentioned, "Did you hear about Bridgett and Donald" and we knew a Bridgett and Donald and were able to figure out that it was indeed them being discussed. This way if lifestylers are out for dinner and start discussing Jon and Jasmine, only other lifestylers would know it was us.

 

Certainly we've made a few mistakes. A co-worker over heard me talking to the club owner one day on the phone when I thought no one else was around but thankfully it is a discreet person. But we do try hard to keep our true identity hidden.

[MoonLightKiss 28]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

Before my hubby and I made the decision to become swingers, I knew that whatever I did, would have to be done discreetly. We live in a town that is fairly small, and full of nosy busybodies who like to do nothing more than talk to others in sentences that start with, "You will never guess what I (heard/found out/know)"

 

Knowing this, and knowing that there is a church on nearly every square block of this town that isn't reserved for neighborhoods, (I wish I was kidding about how many churches there are, but I really am not) I knew we had to be very discreet. Our SLS profile does not have our real names or any form of it on there, nor do we have pictures up there at all. We did put on our profile "we are willing to share body pics upon request through the site, but since alot of people in our town are nosy we choose not to post them publicly." We also have a three date rule. No matter how comfortable we may think we are with another couple we chat with, they do not get facial pics until we have chatted several times. And we do not give out nude pics at all with our faces in them. You can have nude pics, and face pics, but never both in the same pic.

 

There have been those that get heated because of it. I simply tell them, that I understand their frustration, but they have to understand, our jobs, family, friends, and lives depend upon discretion. If they can be understanding, fine, if not, bye. We also do not play with those from our home town, or within an hour of it. Maybe we are paranoid, maybe not, but our jobs and families arent worth any of it.

 

Is it fair to swingers to have to hide this way because of other people being closed minded? No, its absolutely not fair, but it is the way it is, and until things change and we are no longer the minority, its worth a bit of inconvenience to know we will be getting our paycheck this week.

 

Thank you Julie for bringing up such a much needed topic. Hopefully we can all learn some things in order to help us in our daily lives.

[2jersey 16]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No, we have about a dozen e-mail addresses between us. One strictly for family, one for friends, one for online commerce, etc... and separate accounts for anything related to sex.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

No, our nude photos never include a recognizable face - and we don't have any nude photos which can be viewed unpaid members of any site. (Unless you count our avatar on this site - which is tiny and shows just a little skin).

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

No. We won't even show nude photos to unpaid ('free') members. Alot of people forget - unpaid members can easily be juveniles. This is reason enough for us to keep our nude photos restricted.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

No. We do, however, use our real first names in our swinging related e-mail correspondence (although we use only our first initial until we have established a level of trust).

 

 

- Anything you post HERE (and on many other sites) can be Googled. So if your screenname is your real names, or a name you use regularly on other sites and someone Googles you, they will find you here (this is why in the registration process I suggest that you do not use your Real Names in your screen name).

 

Just for fun, we Googled our SLS screen name (twojersey) and came up with the following headline: "Two New Jersey Men Spot Landed UFO And Then Lose Time From Masinaigan"

[DGrey 28]

2jersey said:

No. We won't even show nude photos to unpaid ('free') members. A lot of people forget - unpaid members can easily be juveniles. This is reason enough for us to keep our nude photos restricted.

 

On SLS, free members cannot see private or nude photos. Even if they are allowed access by the owner.

[2jersey 16]

DGrey said:

On SLS, free members cannot see private or nude photos. Even if they are allowed access by the owner.

 

Yes, unless it is a default photo, in which case you don't even have to be a member (free or paid) to see it (albeit in reduced size). Try searching for members by zipcode (from the login page) and you will see the default photos of all those who have allow external viewing of their profiles (which seems to be most members, but not us). (You can accomplish the same thing via Google.)

 

When we first joined SLS, we were visible to free members and noticed that they are not shy about asking people to e-mail them photos, which we would not do - some of them are juveniles (we assume) and many of them seem to be fakes of one sort or another.

 

On the topic of discretion/privacy - we don't want free members to view any of our photos, or our profile. It is very easy for someone (juvenile, nosey neighbor, work colleagues, El Qaeda, etc...) to signup as a free member (with a fake identity) just to see if they can spot anyone they know. These people can do the same thing by paying to become full members, but we believe that most of these people will be deterred by the need to identify themselves by using a credit card. We are invisible to free members on SLS (also single males), primarily as a discretionary measure - cuts down on our risk.

[good times 991]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

No, we have a completely unrelated address.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

Actually, while we do have a few nude pictures up on our profile, we never put nude pictures on the internet with our faces attached to them, we crop our head out. We do have face pictures on our profile in our private pictures, but we are fully clothed in them.

 

We also never put up any pictures of us related to swinging in public accessable sites.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

No, hell no.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

No, we do use our initials though. Once we establish contact with people we use our first names. I actually doubt if their is much more than a dozen people in the lifestyle that know our last name, it just isn't something we ever mention.

[bear_and_babe 68]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No, we have a separate email address for our swing activities

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

We have face photos on our SLS account, but not full nude photos. After reading this thread I went and checked on our Yahoo Profile and we did post a face photo, so I did take that down.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

No, we do not post any full nude photos anywhere. However after reading this I did go back to our Yahoo Profile and took off any reference to the Lifestyle.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

We use our real first names at the club and when emailing people who are in the Lifestyle, but use our nick names in our email address.

 

I guess we are very naïve we just don’t worry if someone finds our names connected with the Lifestyle. Some of our family knows that we are swingers, my brother is even in the Lifestyle. My father is the only person I don’t want knowing what we do and it is very doubtful that he will ever find out. We do have a teenage son and if he were ever to find out, then we would just be upfront with him about it. We don’t really worry too much about Bear’s job finding out either; he is not in a position where it would affect him. Besides, he works with geeks and most of them would think it is cool! I am a stay-at-home-mom right now so I don’t worry about it. But I agree that we should be a little more careful with our public profiles.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It would help if a subscriber was able to change their screen name using the same EM address for those who made a mistake. In other words if a screen name is too revealing why not let them change it. I wonder how many do not post anymore because they cant change their screen name. SOME people cant change their EM address for various reasons.

 

1. I have no problems changing screen names for people if they haven't posted. Most of the time people will realize "oh I shouldn't have used my real name" before they post.

 

2. No one says you have to change your email address, but it's really easy to go out and sign up for a free anonymous email address (which you should be using for surfing adult sites to begin with - and probably should have a seperate one set up for swinging stuff).

[JTcamp05 9]

Great post..... Discretion is of great concern to us......thats one reason we have never had any luck with internet meetings, we dont put out the pictures or say too much...think that tends to make people shy away.....but I figgure its better than loosing a job or embarassing family members......

[Additude 457]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

No. We have set up an exclusive email address for that.

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

No. Blurred facials only unless we feel otherwise. We also never email pics. View on site like SLS only.

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

No Way

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

No Way. Initials only unless we establish a comfort level.

If you do any of these, WHY? Why do you take such huge risks? I know we've had topics in the past about how swingers should be able to be more open about who they are and what they do, but in reality unless your job is related to swinging, your family already knows and you don't have any kids from a previous marriage, the risks are definately there and are things you should be thinking about. It's easy for some of us who's entire lives (livelihood) is based on swinging to say that we should be more out as a group, we have a lot less to lose. But for most swingers that is not the case.

 

We are discrete because of the social perceptions of swinging. There is always someone or some group out there that wants to control and tell another person or group what they can and what they cannot do.

 

To avoid all that, we keep our profiles and pics personal and private. Not public.

 

Funny thing though, when we lived in Charlotte NC, a local swingers club there became the focus of one of the local TV stations. It was one of those, "Guess what Eyewitness News has discovered in your town" sort of promotions as the TV stations in Charlotte were competing fiericely for viewers.

 

To make a longer story short, the "News Clip" was finally aired and the video was obviously from a telephoto lens shot through a full glass exit door on the first floor. It was hard to make out but obviously you could see a couple of people dressed in regular clothing that would be worn to a night night club. No faces were recognizeable. Then the narrator mentioned the web site and joked about it's "Million Dollar" agreement with members and secrecy and so on.

 

The clip really didn't turn out to be much of anything at all....but the best thing is that membership in the club increased by 30% because of the TV exposure.

 

I guess it sort of backfired on the producer.

[dezaray 15]

What is being discrete to you?

 

Is it not going to the grocery store with your play partners?

.....when making phone calls, not being blatent with details for all to hear?

.....not having loud conversation about swinging in public?

.....if you see a play partner out in public, not being obvious about your swinging relationship?

.....not leaving blatent phone messages that someone vanilla could potentialy hear?

.....being respectful and not groping people in public places?

.....being respecful and asking if you can touch someone in a swing environment?

.....not flashing your body in public, swing or vanilla environment

.....not performing sexual acts in public, swing or vanilla environment

.....not posting face shots on your profile

.....not posting genital shots on your profile

.....not sharing your last name, home/work address & phone #?

 

This list may or may not be my own ideas about discretion, but rather a list of assumptions. I was recently in a situation where I had to question how I defined discretion for myself. I have very mixed feelings on this, and havn't quite figured it all out yet, although my mind IS open to different ideas so that I may figure out how I feel about it. I can't always imagine situations in advance (in this realm) to know where I stand on a certain thing... until it presents itself like this one did.

 

WOW this is some complicated shit! When will it all be worth it.... Not a direct question, just asking myself outloud.

 

thanks in advance,

Dez

[dezaray 15]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

no way! I had to clear my damn tabs when my sister was here visiting.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

no, only pay sites that require membership to see certain photos

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

no I keep it all seperate

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

not in screen names/user names, however once we chat I generaly share my 1st name only. They don't need to know my last name.

 

Yes, in an ideal world we all should be able to be open and honest about what we do and shouldn't be anyone else's business. But, this is not an ideal world, this is a world where what we do is still ILLIGAL in many states (the legal definition of adultery doesn't consider whether or not our spouse approves), and still considered immoral by most.

 

AND there are people out there with their own agenda, there are crazy people too! met one last night! OMG! I bet ANYONE experienced in this lifestyle can give testimony to bad shit going down and what they would have done differently to have avoided it.

 

TOO many variables, TOO complicated for me to just jump right in and throw caution to the wind.

 

Thank you Julie, reading this makes me feel validated in how I approach this lifestyle.

[AZ Dreaming 15]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No, we use a yahoo account.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

Nope, no photos at all. We also have not really put anything in our profile.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

No way!

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

When we first contact people we use our first initals. After a few emails we will give out our first names. We have never told anyone our last name.

 

This is a great thread, Julie. I think that we, for the most part, have been as careful as we can be. Our only slip was emailing photos with face shots to others from our yahoo account. I fell for the "our account is just a free one can you email us a photo".... We won't do that again. We were new to the whole online stuff.

 

Other then that we only have photos on SLS and have our face shots private. We only open them to others who have face shots as well.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

 

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

Nope...although my family doesn't DO email. I have a different for signing up for smut and writing to swingers that doesn't have my full name, and another one for online shopping, and personal business contacts.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

Nope...I may show you my butt, but not my face....

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

You won't see facial nude pics of me anywhere, unless you count the fine art photos of me on a particular reputable photographer's website. They're not sexual in nature and don't have my name or contact information.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

Our username and email address don't have our names, but generally when contacting people online (which we hardly ever do anymore) we'll use our real first names when making contact, especially if the couple doesn't live in the same town.

 

For the most part, by design, we don't have a lot of risks. No children, no family close to where we live, low risks for losing jobs, and we currently have a group of friends that we know well and play with, and don't generally bother with meeting people online. We tend to meet new people at a local social, so I suppose that's the largest risk we take, in that it could get busted, or seeing a co-worker, etc. But, again, most other couples have more to lose by disclosing such information than we do. We decided very early in our swinging that we would never be blackmailed. If they feel the need to tell it, we'll deal with the fallout.

 

What astonishes the hell out of me is that there are local swinger groups that have profiles on myspace.com and there are people who have that site listed as a friend or are part of the group that's been set up. Quite frankly, I haven't added them as friends on my site because if someone were to notice that several of our local friends were in this same group, putting 2 and 2 together wouldn't be THAT difficult.

 

Pepper

[sereneiders 263]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

No. Moreover because I've seen people using the Reply All to answer to a message sent to a list (even I got an e-mail from a swingers club where they dislosed the entire list of receivers!). Even if you doesn't care about being busted, these sort of "accidents" leads you to deal with tons of spam.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

No. We didn't posted nude pics in any website (with our without face).

 

There's a lot of things besides your face that can expose you, for example, the room furniture, pictures and so forth. Perhaps this concern seems too paranoid for many members, but you'd have to take into account that in my country it is pretty common to invite people to your place. All our closest vanilla friends knows our entire house, even the bedroom, and a lot of people (including coworkers, some customers, friends of friends) know most of the house and may even had a peek of our room.

 

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

No.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

No. Moreover, I've found out after knowing some couples that even to meet people face to face they use fake "war" names (i.e. John instead of Paul).

 

However, there are times where I regret the nickname I am using here, because it is the same nickname I use to chat in several chatrooms whith other swingers we know face to face, moreover, a lot of people calls me by this nickname instead of my real name (that they could forgot) at the swinger club. Several times this prevented me to talk about something because this could allow someone to identify me or third ones.

[sereneiders 263]

JustAskJulie

 

I don't know what's your policy about the website and the search engines, if you actually WANT it to be "googleable" or not, since there are ways to PREVENT Google and any other indexing robot from gathering data from the forum, and even more, to pick yourself the data to be indexed.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

JustAskJulie

 

I don't know what's your policy about the website and the search engines, if you actually WANT it to be "googleable" or not, since there are ways to PREVENT Google and any other indexing robot from gathering data from the forum, and even more, to pcik yourself the data to be indexed.

 

 

Yes, I do want the site to be Googleable, doing so brings in a lot of people who wouldn't find the site otherwise. And, with so much good information in the forums, not allowing them to be indexed would practically defeat the purpose of allowing the site to be indexed.

 

A large part of what this site is about, not just in the site itself but in who I choose to link to from the site, is about providing quality FREE info to those who seek it, not requiring registration and other hoops to get to it. It's what brought and kept many of you here to begin with and what continues to bring new people here. There are plenty of other sites out there that make you jump through hoops and require your information just to get in - information that often (if you read the TOS) you are giving up rights to and giving them permission to sell. This site isn't about that.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

2jersey said:

 

On the topic of discretion/privacy - we don't want free members to view any of our photos, or our profile. It is very easy for someone (juvenile, nosey neighbor, work colleagues, El Qaeda, etc...) to signup as a free member (with a fake identity) just to see if they can spot anyone they know. These people can do the same thing by paying to become full members, but we believe that most of these people will be deterred by the need to identify themselves by using a credit card. We are invisible to free members on SLS (also single males), primarily as a discretionary measure - cuts down on our risk.

SLS has very few members from our area. Anytime I go into the site to see who's online there are no more than 5 members within 100 miles. Even when doing a search there are no members within this radius that we've wanted to contact for the past six months.

 

I decided to look at my 'friends' list - it's where I put profiles that we want to watch. It's usually made up of members who are new, who don't yet have pictures, or their profiles don't say as much as we'd like to know, but we are hoping once they get comfy with the lifestyle they'll add more to their profile so that we can better consider them.

 

I checked out all of those members and all but one were free members. None had updated their profiles in the six months they have been on SLS. This leads me to believe that they aren't very serious about swinging. When we joined we posted some pics right away, became certified, and tweaked our profile weekly to reflect how we were progressing in our indoctrination into swinging.

 

We have decided to block free SLS members from being able to view our profile because I now feel the majority are not as serious about swinging as we are and the risks of allowing free members to see our profile outweigh the benefits.

[2jersey 16]

We have decided to block free SLS members from being able to view our profile because I now feel the majority are not as serious about swinging as we are and the risks of allowing free members to see our profile outweigh the benefits. LM

 

If/when we ever run out of paid SLS members to consider, we can always allow free members to see our profile - and we'll have a whole new batch of people to consider. If we ever go this route, we'll be tempted to make most of our photos private (to guard against the aforementioned risks of being recognized by non-swingers).

[2jersey 16]

Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

As we have stated previously, our answer to this question is 'no'. However, we did have an avatar on this site which exposed a little breast skin - and we have now revised our avatar from PG-rated to G-rated. Mr 2jersey is still topless in our swingers board profile photo.

 

We have also taken another step to protect ourselves (this may seem like an overreaction to some). We have removed our nude photos from the private photo section of our SLS profile. Although we have always been selective about opening our private photos, we have had acted despite some doubts on a couple of occasions. We still have swimsuit photos which depict our body types, but no more online nudity for us.

[havefuninsun 122]

Yes, I do want the site to be Googleable, doing so brings in a lot of people who wouldn't find the site otherwise. And, with so much good information in the forums, not allowing them to be indexed would practically defeat the purpose of allowing the site to be indexed.

 

The only site we use is SLS, and I found it via google -- personally, I'm very GLAD it was googleable because I had no idea where to begin this quest.

[sereneiders 263]

The only site we use is SLS, and I found it via google -- personally, I'm very GLAD it was googleable because I had no idea where to begin this quest.

 

Well, the alternatives here aren't to be or not to be googleable, but how much of the swite contents is googleable.

 

If you try to search in google (or any other search engine) for an exact phrase taken from your SLS profile, you may not be able to find a match addressing you to SLS. For sure SLS has keywords meta-tags deviced to inform the search engines about it contents, as well as informative pages addresable by the robots as to be included in their indexes.

 

The issue I addressed in my original post is whether the Forum threads contents were devised as to be indexable by search engines or not, and in the later case there shoud be some specific contents devised to be indexed as to ENABLE people to reach the site trough google without disclosing the discussions in detail.

 

For example, if you mistakenly gave the name from someone you know in a post, and later on someone google this name, if google should address this board as part of the answers or not, even if you can reach the board if you were searching for "swinger forum".

 

I understand JustAskJulie criteria here. There are so many subjects covered in the board that is barely impossible to expose this fact to the search engines wile trying to preserve some details from them. You may want to search for, let say "swinger spouse cheating on me", and today it's likely that you get the Forum as an answer. In the other hand, let say that only the News Letter were indexable, unless the Newsletter editor whre using the same words, the Forum wouldn't be found.

 

So there is a compromise here, between "chances of being found" against "privacy", whose criteria was clearly defined from being a "public" forum. Should the compromise were other, it wouldn't mean to AVOID being found, just to REDUCE the chances of being found. I asked to know how DESIRABLE this chance reduction could be, and not to hide the forum from the search engines.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The threads are indexable by Google, the thing to keep in mind is that google (or any of them for that matter) don't spider every day. So, the chances are really pretty slim of someone mistakenly posting something and not having it cleaned up (whether on their own in the 6 hour time limit or by contacting a mod to remove identifiables if after the time limit) when a spider does come through are pretty slim.

 

There really isn't a way to allow for the threads to be indexed, which we do want because of the large amount of valuable information available in the various threads, without every part of the threads being indexed. While the largest percentage find this site simply by searching for basic swinger terms, there are those who come directly to a specific thread because they were looking for info dealing with a specific situation.

 

That said, the Google Spider (and others) can only go where guests can go. So, it can't go into user profiles on this site, nor can it go into forums that guests can't see.

[Chicup 42]

2jersey - I see you are working on that discretion thing even here

[WesternSwing 504]

Seeing posts here about how someone lost their job over posting their pictures online, getting messages from others who want to change their screen name to "come out of the closet" a bit, and I wonder about some things.

 

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

No, we don't. We set up another email address for our adult activities.

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

No we don't. We had a face shot on our Yahoo! profile for along time, but have recently removed it as swinging was recently an "expose" on a local news channel. We've also removed our public pictures from the member sites such as SLS, Swingular, and Swappernet until the dust settles.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

No, definitely not.

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

Nope. We don't even use the same username here as we do on the member sites. Also, I don't link our swinger site username to our handle here because this site is public and we did have face pics in the public area of our member site profiles until recently.

- Anything you post HERE (and on many other sites) can be Googled. So if your screenname is your real names, or a name you use regularly on other sites and someone Googles you, they will find you here (this is why in the registration process I suggest that you do not use your Real Names in your screen name).

You know, as savvy as I am I never thought about this, and you're right. I Google the handle we use on the member sites and I get eight hits.

 

Mr. WS

[Chicup 42]

My 'security'.

 

1 -I use different handles for various websites. The only place where Chicup = me is on this board.

 

2 - We have an email address that we ONLY use for couples we are contacting, it is not registered under our real name.

 

3 - We do not give last names.

 

4 - We have no face photos available on any free section. We also only have pictures of Mrs. Chicup (face blocked) in the free section. My job is high profile enough that I see no need to allow people perving to accidentally recognise me.

 

5 - We have no nude photos period.

 

Risks we didn't try to avoid.

 

Credit cards - Lets face it, if someone has resources beyond google, they will be able to link your sls or whatever account to your credit card. There are ways around it but too much of a pita.

 

Being 'IDed' at a club or in photos - Sooner or later I WILL be ID'ed by someone at an event. I have to accept this and hope they are of sound mind. The old argument 'well they are there too for the same reason' doesn't hold if the recognition is one sided and I know 100's of people who know me by name that I wouldn't know on sight. Since there isn't really much anyone could 'do' to me because of it beyond cause some embarassment, its just a risk I accept.

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

Subsequent to the posting of the "I lost my job ......." thread, I went to the sites we belong to and removed every pic except a couple G rated pics. I figure I can always send a person a pic if they want to take the time to contact me. And as astounding as it seems, our real names aren't Chip and Muffy, either!

 

We recently got an message from a couple from another town, saying hi and requesting more pics. Looking at their profile, they had been members of that site for a year and a half and did not have a single verification. That seemed a bit strange to me so we never sent pics back. Does lack of verification of a fairly long term member of a site send up warning flags to the rest of you? Or am I overly cautious?

[DGrey 28]

Chip_n_Muffy said:

Does lack of verification of a fairly long term member of a site send up warning flags to the rest of you? Or am I overly cautious?

 

Not necessarily. Some people have differing opinions on verifications or certifications. There are some people out there who believe that everything in swinging should be as discrete as possible so they don't give or accept certifications for that very reason. Kind of like they don't want others to know who they've been with.

 

Then of course you have the people who feel the more certifications the better. I don't know how that can be but we like seeing the positive feedback of other people's certifications. That's how we look at them, positive feedback, like on ebay.

 

Of course, there are others out there who solely rely on certs and are what we like to refer to as "certification whores" meaning that if someone looks at my profile and sends me an email, they'll send an email to everyone on my cert list. It's happened more times than I can count.

 

Also, it's good to keep in mind that a certification doesn't automatically mean, "we slept with these people", we have 2 certs on our profile from people who we've met but haven't played with.

[dragonblade 27]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

Actually, I do.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

Face pics yes, nudes, no. However, I don't have anything related to swinging on my myspace or yahoo..although I do claim a mild interest in BDSM on Yahoo.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

Like I said we don't have facial nudes, and we don't go to clubs..so that's fairly N/A for us.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

No, but when I start talking with someone I do use my first name. Hubby never talks to anyone online (except fam and friends RARELY) and once we start talking to someone via phone I get him to talk to them too..

 

If you do any of these, WHY? Why do you take such huge risks? I know we've had topics in the past about how swingers should be able to be more open about who they are and what they do, but in reality unless your job is related to swinging, your family already knows and you don't have any kids from a previous marriage, the risks are definately there and are things you should be thinking about. It's easy for some of us who's entire lives (livelihood) is based on swinging to say that we should be more out as a group, we have a lot less to lose. But for most swingers that is not the case.

 

I really felt the need to respond to this thread. I've been thinking about this thuroughly(sp?) for the past couple days and this is what I've come up with. I am only 25 yrs old, and my hubby is 24. We live 1500 miles from family, and most of my real life friends are swingers. Ironically, we became friends before we knew they were swingers, and found out from subtle nuances that are obvious to us...birds of a feather and all that.

 

I had talked to my mother periphially (not admitting to her that things had transpired, but in the hypothetical) and her being a "true christian" thought that these things were abominable. When I brought up the mentionings of Solomon and his 700+ wives/concubines and David and what God said to him about Bathsheba etc she got flustered not having a response and wanted to change the subject She basically wound up saying "I'll pray for you, but I won't judge you and if you're happy then...whatever." My sister knows, and when I told her she said " Well it's about time, I've known for over a year. I could never share my husband but if it works for you then good." Dad of course doesn't want to know anything Hubby's fam couldn't really care, they feel about the same as mine does.

 

My children are still young (6 and 2months) they are WAY under the radar of anything sexual at this point, and quite frankly, we'll be leaving this area in a year and 1/2 at the most. Don't see that becoming an issue. We don't do anything around them (well.. maybe reading this board, but that doesn't count ) and when we go to Florida, we'll be living near one of our main swing partners and his girlfriend who is also looking forward to it (they just got back together). All parties discreet, so another non issue. I plan to be fairly open with my boys, not "hey look! you're mom is a whore!" BUT I personally adhere to the European thought that sex as far as adolecents (like HS age) are concerned is normal, and that if they're properly instructed, and not made to be fearful of talking to us, condoms available, etc then they should be cool too. Of course, if male BC is offered, they WILL be taking it if I have any say in it LOL.

 

I know this has turned into a novel, and thanks for reading. I hope I made coherant sense, as I am on several meds for bronchitis...so bear with me. I would love any thoughts from you guys, I value your opinions and advice

 

~Blade~

[flkeyscouple 21]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

No.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

We post only G rated with faces. Our nudes or partially nudes are private pics on SLS - and they do not have faces. We don't have any profiles other than SLS and this board.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

No nudes with faces, period.

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

No.

 

If you do any of these, WHY? Why do you take such huge risks?

I have to admit I had no idea that this site could be Googled - but if I had thought about it I can sure understand why it is Googleable (is that a word?) And let me say right here - thank you Julie for keeping this site a great free site. I would guess that we originally found it through Google!

 

That being said, I've noticed that my posts are more and more 'recognizable'. Roger and I have talked about this. I've said that my only REAL concern is my parents, and Roger's parents, and they are all in their 80's. I would HOPE that if anyone 'found us out' and they knew our families, that they would respect our folks enough to not bring this to their attention.

 

The rest of my concerns are more embarrassment than anything else. Our kids are adults and I think would be pretty cool about it - we'd simply be honest with them. My siblings and Roger's siblings? Oh well. They'd get over it. I'd probably loose my job, but that's not the end of the world. I changed my career 6 years ago - I can do it again. Roger could have an employment problelm too, but his employment is moveable - so we'd move.

 

Bottom line - we don't want to be 'outted' but if we are, we are. I didn't know, until reading this thread, that you can block free members on SLS from seeing your posts - I'll change my SLS profile. And maybe I'll be a bit better about posting recognizable information.

 

Sarah

[ITCHEF 15]

As I stated earlier with my introduction post, I came into this group in a much different way than all of you. But on seeing a topic on discretion, I have a comment to toss out there.

 

Recently in a grocery store, a woman whom I have catered a home party for came up and gave me a big hug telling me how much her friends loved the food I prepared. After she left, the deli person asked me if I knew that that woman was one of those partner swappers and that is what goes on at her parties. I responded that I saw nothing like that and that she should not be spreading such gossip as it is none of her business. & yes that really pissed her off, but I am very protective of my clients and friends.

 

This made me think a bit on the way home.

 

First off I would never betray a confidence of a client to anyone.

 

Second it was none of the deli persons business to begin with.

 

Third many of the people I met in the lifestyle are a hell of a lot nicer than those I meet on the outside so to speak.

 

But this brings up an important thing to think about...

 

If a deli person in a small community is making such comments to me, where did she get her information? And how many others are thinking the same thing?

 

Obviously this means that those in the lifestyle needs to be cautious as one slipped comment can wreck havoc to a person and their family and friends.

 

Just thought I would bring this up for what it was worth to you all.

[Imalookin 15]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

Yes, however, I'm the only one that accesses this email. The husband has the ability to access but would rather not. But then again this is the only site I go to. I've surfed others before, but this site is the best IMHO. Plus, I've only contacted one person from this site and we've only talked about books, family, and brushed on tips about swinging. I have no other plans than to just make friends anyway. My husband and I have a couple we are negotiating with because I know if a fact if we did get drunk as a foursome, things would get carried away. I didn't want that to happen, I want to be sober and sure about my actions. Hence, my Google searches that brought me to this site. If things did change in the future about looking for other couples, I would definately use a different email address in the future from reading this thread.

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

Nope, never.

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

Never

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

No

 

I keep thinking about what would happen if ppl found out. My family would probably disown me or just ignore it and hope no one else finds out. The husband's side might think it's cool. Who knows. I don't think our jobs would be in jeapardy. Well, maybe mine

[jdtpcouple 32]

- Anything you post HERE (and on many other sites) can be Googled.

Ahh google...who knew. I'll be sure not to sign my real name @ the end of my posts here (and other swing related sites). For me it would be a huge relief to be "out" to family & friends, but my husband is much more private. It wouldn't affect him professionally, he is just a very introverted person in general. Still I appreciate the heads up about searchable blog posts Julie.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

Different email, no nude pics anywhere, hidden from non-paying members, private face shots only available to specific members, just initials until we've chatted a bit (after this thread, probably no real names ever).

 

We're just starting, and discretion is of utmost importance to us. We have some aquaintances who are swingers, and they sing like birds, always outing people to us. As such, we aren't sharing our newfound interest with them, and we won't be attending ANY local parties/socials/events. If they catch wind that we're exploring the lifestyle, virtually everyone that we'd prefer to not know about us would. So we're starting off playing out of town. It sucks, but what are you going to do?

[Cpl2share 147]

We use the same handle here as the "hook up" sites. But we have a seperate email account that is not registered in a name even close to either one of our real names. We do not have any pics posted on any site. There are just too many nosy people that could ruin both of our careers. The only pictures that we ever trade are after a long time of chatting and usually after a phone conversation too. The pictures that we do trade are ones that anyone could access from the vanilla world, in fact all of them could have been taken by someone at a park, etc. That way there is always an out for us in that regard. We do not even have any nude pictures. We figure that seeing a new playmate in teh nude in person is a lot of the fun. Surprise and all.

[jdtpcouple 32]

We have some aquaintances who are swingers, and they sing like birds, always outing people to us.

 

Thats terrible! I may feel comfortable telling everyone & anyone about myself...but to out other people feels like a betrayal of the worst kind. I mean they wouldn't cross another couples boundaries during playtime, so why would you think its ok to do so outside of the bedroom? I can see why you go to all the trouble of going out of town although I agree it sucks that you have to.

[GoodHeart 15]

Thats terrible! I may feel comfortable telling everyone & anyone about myself...but to out other people feels like a betrayal of the worst kind. I mean they wouldn't cross another couples boundaries during playtime, so why would you think its ok to do so outside of the bedroom? I can see why you go to all the trouble of going out of town although I agree it sucks that you have to.

that's right...this is the highest moral standard we can reach...so we party with an individual or a couple...outing them is below contempt...we are about having an adult good time...WTF...is your problem...Mrs and I have been with several school teachers (all females), several lawyers married to each other, twice our age who fucked like you won't believe...I mean nasty sweaty naked fucking....we loved it!!! we were a couple of art types (no tattoos) but with funny hair cuts on top and Btwen our legs who liked being naked with others...in the 70's80's90's fuck with..turns out several of our married friends at the time were asking the same thing!??? want to but didn't know who to ask: we "selected" a couple (in our 30s) who happen to live around the corner from us,,...she is a school teacher, like fine you can't believe...so we party a dozen very nasty 3-somes with Mrs and I, and this lady school teacher...Funny thing is she'd make so sorry for her her egotist man who only fucked us once, while she had contacted us on the side. But we made it happen for her and FOR US!!! So there you have it. If there was ever a "take one for the team", that was it....as my wife spent 3 hours with his "slow-Hand" while I was prepping his woman for what would be a very hot two months, twice weekly, early 30 year old 3-some secret fuck fest" ...we partied with his woman many times, but not enough...the hotest 3-some you are likely to have happen...there is NO WAY WE WOIULD OUT THIS FRIEND....NO WAY...Triple X, amatuers fuck like they mean it!!!!

[WesternSwing 504]

I'm beginning to become less discrete than in the past. Maybe I just don't care as much about being secret than I used to. We still have separate email accounts, but since we've started sex blogging we're getting quite a following, and that is making it harder and harder to keep one life from the other. Of course, if I had my way I'd make a living writing about relationships and sex and be completely out.

[dnmnms 55]

Hmmm....we do not use same email addy for our LS that we use for other things. We also dont have facial nudity pics online.

We do however use our real names but initially we only use our initials when first striking up conversations online.

 

Melody

[MrkLin 393]

To answer Julie’s original questions directly;

 

We do have e-mail addresses that we use for our adult activities, and separate e-mail addresses that we use for vanilla friends and family.

 

Our screen name is a combination of our first names. Mrk Lin – I’m Mrk, and she’s Lin. They’re very common names, so we don’t consider them to be much of an identification – we actually had a couple living with us for a few months who had the same first names as ours. I know that MrkLin is pretty confusing, and people really don’t know what to call me online when addressing me, so for the record, my first name is Mark.

 

We do have nude, facial photos of us on SLS (in Private pics - Public pics have faces obscured,) and we have a Picasa online photo album that shows no faces, but is a lot more than just nudes. They’re party pictures that I have gone to lengths to obscure anything identifiable in – to include things like tattoos and such.

 

I’ve been talking about something that Julie said in her original post for about 4 years now, when I saw it come back to haunt a friend of mine. That is the fact that just about anything can be Google searched. Just as an example, have you ever Googled your name? How about your phone number? Social Security number? Go to Google and type your first and last name, put it in quotes, and see what comes up. You may be surprised at what you find…

 

The larger point here, however, is that sometimes what we type can identify us. Just by looking at this post, someone who really wanted to could learn all kinds of things about us. I’ve given my first name, so that’s out in the open. I’ve seen others here at SB do it too. We tend to forget that while we’re posting inside a forum, this is not a secure area, and can be found through various search engines.

 

Also comes the fact that everything you post online leaves a permanent trail, and sometimes a permanent record – even if the site is no longer in operation. Next time you do a Google search for anything at all, look at the search results closely. Each search result shows a link, a brief description, and the entire URL to the item. Many times you’ll see two additional links – one says ‘Similar Pages,’ and the other says, ‘Cached.’ The link that says ‘Cached’ is a link to another site somewhere out there that has a copy of that original web page saved on its server.

 

What’s my point? My point is that everything you do online leaves a trail. Even if you deleted every adult account you have up and running right now, deleted your adult e-mail address accounts, took down every picture, and de-registered with any and all forums you ever joined, chances are that info will remain out there on another server.

 

Let’s be careful what we do online. Don’t post any pictures you wouldn’t want your mother, father, or children to see. Don’t use your real names as user names or screen names. Don’t even use your real names when you sign up for anonymous e-mail accounts (How many of you know that when you send an e-mail through Yahoo, whatever name you used to sign up for the Yahoo account is listed in the e-mail? When I sign up for things like that, the name I like to use is Nonya Bidness or M and L.) Most importantly, be careful of what info you share online. Remember that this forum, for example, is not limited to view by registered users – no forum is. Also remember that everything you do online, every private message you send, and every e-mail you send or receive leaves a trail.

 

If you doubt me, copy and paste “Mrklin site:swingersboard.com” (without the quotes) into the Google search box and hit enter…

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Also comes the fact that everything you post online leaves a permanent trail, and sometimes a permanent record – even if the site is no longer in operation. Next time you do a Google search for anything at all, look at the search results closely. Each search result shows a link, a brief description, and the entire URL to the item. Many times you’ll see two additional links – one says ‘Similar Pages,’ and the other says, ‘Cached.’ The link that says ‘Cached’ is a link to another site somewhere out there that has a copy of that original web page saved on its server.

 

What’s my point? My point is that everything you do online leaves a trail. Even if you deleted every adult account you have up and running right now, deleted your adult e-mail address accounts, took down every picture, and de-registered with any and all forums you ever joined, chances are that info will remain out there on another server.

 

 

This is a key bit that a lot of people don't realize. Occasionally, I will have someone who wants me to wipe all traces of them from this site. I point out that while if I would I could wipe all traces from THIS site I can not affect what Google shows. Just because I delete it here does not mean that it will not still turn up on Google (as well as other sites that cache copies of various pages across the web). There is a site where you can go and pull up copies of what this site looked like when I first started it 10 years ago... I don't even have that on a disk anywhere (had it on a floppy but who has a floppy drive?).

 

When you put something on the web it is out there for posterity and it's going to stay out there. There's no running around and trying to remove your profile or your posts after the fact to save yourself, it's too late. So you have to think about that before you post something.

[MrkLin 393]

I hope I didn't give anyone the wrong impression in my earlier post. I didn't mean to even suggest that Julie, the Swinger's Board, or any other site or administrator is doing anything nefarious - either through action or inaction. What I meant was that some things leave a trail automatically, either through computerized archiving or other sites manually archiving web pages, forums, and individual pictures.

 

As Julie says, some things are just out of her hands. We all just need to keep in mind that everything we do has the potential to become public - no matter how private we think it might be. You only have to think back a couple of years to recall a HUGE story about a politician who was instant messaging young men who were his interns in a sexual way. Those were instant messages!

 

Just be careful and protect yourself.

[Cpl2share 147]

We have a seperate email through yahoo, and that is teh chat that we use also. We use the same screen name almost everywhere (easier to remember) and it has nothing to do with out real names. As far as photos go: Hell no! Sorry, but after we get to "know" a couple through chat/email and feel comfortable with them, we have a couple "out in public" pix that we will exchange only through email, never as a post. We now have plausible deniability. The pix that we use show who we are and our body types, but we can always say: "Nope we did not send that, someone must have taken it at a ball game/beach/parade, etc. Just trying to create a scandal." When they do meet us tehy see that it is really us, but lets face it: There are probably 50% of the photos that ARE posted that do not have anything to do with the person claiming to be portrayed. The guy who shows an 8" prick, but only has 3", or the woman with the hourglass figure who really is just the bottom half of the hour glass. Not that I am dogging on either body situation, just be honest about what you have or are.

[cocpl2007 170]

1. Do you use the same email address to surf adult/swinger websites that you use for your family?

 

2. Do you post facial nude pictures on sites where they can be seen without any sort of joining process (ie. in your Yahoo Profile)?

 

3. Would you post said facial nude pictures in combination with information stating that you swing someplace (like a Yahoo profile) where people can see it without any sort of joining process (free or otherwise).

 

4. Do you use your real names (as a username or as part of your email address) when dealing with people online in regards to adult activities?

 

So, from our perspective:

 

1. We have total separate identities for our SLS, AFF and Swingersboard perusing.

 

2. We do not post pictures of us on any of the sites. Those who "insist" on posted pictures can pass us by, for both of our benefits.

 

3. No. If you don't understand this level of discretion, we wouldn't be much fun to be around, nor do we believe we could establish the trust necessary for this type of play.

 

4. No.

 

There has been much dialogue about the term "discretion" used within the lifestyle community. Some could care less. Others are cautious. And to others like us it is an important consideration.

 

From our perspective it is all about what a couple has at-risk, by the disclosure of their preferred sexual play. There is family issue, the career issues, the public-service/benevolent issues and so on... In an ideal world, other people... the public... could care less about anyone's sexual preference, or a couples sexuality. However such is not the case. So, if you happen to have a life outside the bedroom that could be severely impacted by the disclosure of what goes on inside the bedroom, then you best be on your toes about who comes into your bedroom. If you happen to run a swinger club or swinger web site chances are you have already crossed into the area where discretion is no longer an issue.

 

Isn't it curious that our current president elect may well have never made it to the U.S. Senate had not his Illinois competitor self-destructed by the disclosure of his (and purportedly his spouse's) sexual conduct?