Communicating sexual preferences to play partners

[2jersey 16]

Swinging provides tremendous sexual variety given that each play partner has unique physical attributes, unique erogenous zones, and unique sexual techniques – it is exciting to experience these differences. Sex with our regular partners can be better, however, because our partners understand our unique sexual likes and dislikes, and they are able to focus their attention on our most sensitive spots.

 

Some swingers may have played with the same partners on numerous occasions, thus lessening the distinction between play partners and regular sex partners We, however, have never been with the same couple more than twice. Although we have good sexual experiences, we feel that we might have benefited if we had taken some time to communicate with our new play partners - informing them of our hot buttons, and learning theirs.

 

For those of you who have a large variety of play partners – do you make any attempt to communicate your personal sexual preferences, and to ascertain the preferences of your partners? Or do you approach sex in a purely spontaneous manner - knowing that you may be sacrificing the opportunity to make a good sexual experience into a great sexual experience?

 

Some women (Mrs 2j) have very sensitive breasts, others don’t. Some women (Mrs 2j) are very G-spot oriented, others are more clit focused. Some women have highly sensitive neck (Mrs 2j), others don’t. Some women (Mrs 2j) want/expect multiple orgasms, others don’t. Wouldn't sex be even better if our play partners knew about Mrs 2jersey’s hot buttons in advance. (If you are planning on playing with Mrs 2j, please take notes…)

[DGrey 28]

We kind of like the spontenaity about it. Knowing all the likes/hot spots etc down to an exact definite kind of takes the fun out if it. It's like having the answers to the test before you take it.

 

E

[WesternSwing 504]

I would say we are more on the spontaneous side of things. Usually we don't get too into what specific acts are the best, but there are ground rules that need to be laid out first like what things each won't do, although this has never been a problem in the past.

 

Somehow going over every detail of what buttons to push would seem to make the whole experience too mechanical. I like finding those buttons myself. I like a woman to let me know when I hit them or are close. I'd rather be coached during sex then have a blueprint laid-out for me beforehand. Just my preference, I guess.

 

Now, Mrs. WS has so many hot buttons it'd be hard to miss at least a couple of them.

 

Mr. WS

[good times 991]

We prefer the more spontaneous scenario. The reason we do is because we have never ceased to be amazed how often someone will do something that we never knew about or did not know we liked. To me that is the fun of having new partners, experiencing new things. Granted, once in a while I will ask a partner how they like certain things. For example, some women like their nipples played with softly, some like you to nearly bite them off, so I will usually ask in cases like that.

[2jersey 16]

We're not at all surprised that the prefereces being expressed are in favor of spontaneity. Ideally, body language alone could deliver an acccurate message of what feels good.

 

The people and books who provide sex advice are usually proponents of the idea that married couples should guide their partners. Young women, in particular, benefit from this advice because alot of young men are pretty clueless about how to please a woman.

 

We don't know for sure, but we would assume that sex gets getter after a few encounters with the same couple. People start to figure things out gradually, and eventually everyone is happy.

[Couple_N_Ark 39]

We also go with the flow, and let each partner do what they feel they do best.

 

As someone else mentioned we do kind of lay out some ground rules, such as don't cum in Lisa's mouth, don't jam it down her throat, and don't attempt to do anal with her.

 

Once we've mentioned those 3 things, we pretty much just go with the flow.

[Chicup 41]

 

We don't know for sure, but we would assume that sex gets getter after a few encounters with the same couple. People start to figure things out gradually, and eventually everyone is happy.

 

Yes it does, one thing I've learned is that every woman is different in what really gets her off. We men are pretty basic I think.

[DBL D 120]

Sorry about you, Chicup...but I'm as far from basic as there is. I'm a guy who is like a chameleon...I can change with the environment and be happy (or safe).

 

I do, however, like "discovering" things but some things you need to ask about. I.E. If you knew that a lady liked a little backdoor play. Just knowing that, you still might not have the answer you wanted or hoped for. So...during oral you might ask, "would you like your ass played with tonight?". If she says no, then use some of your other talents. Move away from things that people really don't want.

 

"Do you like your nipples pinched?" or "Can I lick your armpits?" are other questions that could be asked. You shouldn't have to wait too long for an answer.

 

I was with a gal and found out that she did NOT like to be spanked. I was giving her a massage afterwards and I would pause occaisionally. She would make the remark that I better NOT be thinking of spanking her! Seemed that she could just "see" my hand in the air...I was almost afraid to breathe on her ass after that! (Notice:...I said ALMOST!)

 

Male D

[EvilMJ 65]

For the most part I like the whole exploration approach. But I will tell a man/woman when they are doing something that doesn't work for me.

 

one play partner of mine likes things a little rough, and I don't mind that to a point, but sometimes I have to remind him that my nipples are attached to my body and I would like to keep it that way. With another couple he is very attuned to his wife's preferences and took that approach with me. I had to instruct him that I liked a gentler touch, and after an orgasm (through oral), I do need a couple of minutes (like 5) before I want you to attack me like that again. So far no one minds being told preferences, it just makes things better. I also appreciate a man asking me about certain things, such as spanking, anal...etc...before they just go ahead and do it, there are somethings that I just don't like or want.

[2jersey 16]

For the most part I like the whole exploration approach. But I will tell a man/woman when they are doing something that doesn't work for me.

 

Sensible approach.

 

We played with a couple where the male clearly had no experience with a G-spot. He kept pressing the wrong button over ahd over, to no avail. Mr 2jersey got involved and actually guided his hand directly to Mrs 2jersey's the G-spot. From then on in, it was like he was playing a loose slot machine - and he hit several successive jackpots. The guy was like a kid in a candy store!

 

Personally, we want to be good in bed with our new play partners. And wouldn't mind having the benefit of a few tips (or at least knowing what not to do...)

[TeamSoBe 36]

We don't know for sure, but we would assume that sex gets getter after a few encounters with the same couple. People start to figure things out gradually, and eventually everyone is happy.

Another "amen to that" vote.

[DBL D 120]

We've sorta felt the opposite. As we have played with a couple, the things that they discover (or we discover) tend to make you play with each other less often as time passes. I don't know what it is...maybe it's our constant (as a whole) desire to keep meeting new people and we have less time for each other. Sad but true.

 

Someone always has to drop out of the rotation. You learn this eventually ...unless you plan to pack your days and nights with swinging encounters.

 

Male D

[marieandbrian 15]

One of the things we especially enjoy is discovering the new body in front of us, that is such a Huge Turn on! It isn't the prize, it's the experience and journey for us. We can always cum together later on.

[prettylady 221]

Hands on my body,

Yep, that about covers my hot button.

I love to be explored and exploring.

oh crap, I'm horney now.

Thanks for that guys

Your friend,

Prettylady

[flkeyscouple 21]

We are very spontaneous, rather than planners. We normally will say our rules (only with a condom) and then go with the flow. I will usually tell a partner that I am incapable of talking when I'm turned on.

 

I, unfortunately, barely utter a whisper once I'm really turned on - I can't speak. If I have to (someone asks me a direct question that I have to answer) I loose my mood and have to 'start over'. There are times that Roger will tell the person I'm with "she likes her nipples pulled and rolled, but not too hard" or something like that. I do moan and groan, I just can't form a sentence! It's something I am working on - I WISH I could communicate! So far it's never happened (knock on wood) but I do think that if I were about to be HURT, I could 'come out of the trance' and say something. Roger knows my moans and groans and can tell if things aren't right - I guess that's part of the reason we only play together - same room.

 

Oh, and I'm not like that with Roger. When we are alone and fucking, OR making love (either one) I can communicate with him. I'm not sure what all that means. I'm sure some therapist 'out there' could figure it out for me!!

 

Sarah

[WesternSwing 504]

I was talking about this today with a woman playmate of mine. Mrs. WS and I have in the past too. The first time you are together can be kind of awkward as you are getting to know each other physically. As my friend put it, the first time is the Rubic's Cube of sex. Each time you're together you get better because your styles start to mesh.

 

Mrs. WS and I always laugh about the first time we had sex because our styles are completely different. I am soft, romantic, and really into foreplay. She likes it hard and fast and spanks and bites and scratches and very little foreplay. So it took a little while to get our styles meshed. Now we have the advantage of being able to do it either way.

 

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I tend to stick with spontenaity.... but I do let my partners know if they are doing something that I want them to change. There are some things that I enjoy that I won't ask for from a new partner because they may not respond well.... but I'm trying to get over that. And I try to pay attention to my partner and how they are responding to what I am doing. If they ask for something, I will do it.

[willyoats 324]

My wife was always reluctant to speak up when there was something she didn't like (except a couple of times when the guy was so awful that she just stopped him and made him leave the room). That reluctance stemmed from a fear of turning a guy off by making him think he was not doing a good job. She's such a sweet person.

 

I have only had a couple of experiences where my partner spoke up and said that she didn't like what I was doing. In one case, as I found out afterwards, she did that with every body that she was with. Nobody ever was good enough.

 

On the other hand, there were times that I thought after we were finished that I could have been gentler (or done something else differently), and that was really the case, I wish she had spoken up. I'd feel better now if she had. It's just a feeling I had, but my instinct got to be pretty good after a few years in swinging.

 

Advice to women: if there is something that you don't like, speak up gently. If the guy is turned off by some gentle guidance (especially if it is your first time together) then maybe he is not the right partner for you.

[Guest screaminggood]

Willyoats....I've had the vice versa experience. A guy was going down on me, licked a couple of times and said, "Aren't you done yet?" I was not a happy camper--luckily, over his shoulder was a big, handsome man that I had smiled at earlier. I must have given him a "save me" look because he asked my husband for permission and then moved the other guy out of the way. I had too many orgasms to count with him licking me!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My wife was always reluctant to speak up when there was something she didn't like (except a couple of times when the guy was so awful that she just stopped him and made him leave the room). That reluctance stemmed from a fear of turning a guy off by making him think he was not doing a good job. She's such a sweet person.

 

 

I can't help but think that if she was more ok with speaking up and had spoken up earlier she might not have had to kick the really awful guys out - they might have improved with suggestion/advice.

[socolais 696]

I can't help but think that if she was more ok with speaking up and had spoken up earlier she might not have had to kick the really awful guys out - they might have improved with suggestion/advice.

 

I think better communication between the playmates generates much more fun. I remember one lady I played with, all her moans sounded the same to me and I couldn't tell what stimulation she liked better. We had fun, but I'm sure it could have been more intense. The simple stuff works - "give it to me harder", "that feels good", "don't get any rougher than that"....

[KinkyNeighbors 15]

I tend to ask questions to my new playmates to make sure I'm doing something they like. I'm not afraid to express myself during sex with my husband or new playmates. I also let them know when I like something as well. I'm definitely not silent during sex, there's lots of talking and giggling, it's adult play and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Ann