Interested in Swinging - Is there a Swinging for Dummies?

[sweekcheeks 15]

Ok, I'm really curious and turned on now...we actually talked about swinging for the first time last night, and it was incredibly erotic. But I've only been with him for about 3 months. So I have to admit I'm a tad insecure...but I can't stop thinking about this. He's not a big talker but was so sweet last night telling me everything I craved to hear, and I know without a doubt that he's sincere. I have so many questions. What will this do to a realtionship? Is it a safe way to explore and develop or a dangerous begining? As you can see, I have no real clue as to what its all about, but want to understand. I can't stop thinking about it....So how does a couple begin? What are the rules? Where are clubs? What are on & off premises? Is there terminology I should know? Is there a "Swinging for Dummies" I should read?

[TeamSoBe 36]

I have a feeling that a lot of people are going to tell you that three months is a little early to start swinging. It takes a pretty secure and advanced sort of relationship to be able to navigate swinging and keep the relationship intact.

 

That said, my wife and I have been having sex with other people in front of each other for basically our whole relationship, starting at about the three month mark. That seems to be unusual though, for most people it can become a big distraction to the natural course of figuring out whether you are meant to be together if you start into that too soon. If you think that the guy is a long term match for you then you might want to keep it a fantasy for a while until you have had some more bonding time between you. Otherwise it can get really confusing to sort out how you feel about each other later when it comes time to figure out if you're going to commit.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The first place to start would be the "Swinger Info" section of this site. Off the top menu bar select "swinger info" then read through all the info posted there. You will find a list of terminology as well as info on clubs (both what each type is and where you can find them) and a lot of other basic info.

 

Once you have read through that I would suggest reading through the various posts on this message board, specifically those in "Archives" section and those in the "New Swingers" forum.

 

There is a lot of info to read through provided, I would suggest you both sit down together and read through it and talk about it as you go.

[TNT 1,155]

Hello sweetcheeks, and welcome to the board.

 

In MHO, getting started in the Swining Lifestyle after only being with someone for three months is not a good idea. But the decision is not mine to make, but yours and your SO.

 

Having said that, the best thing that you can do is gather as much information as you can. Read over this WHOLE site/board. Julie does a wonderful job here as well as the other posters who frequent here.

 

There are numerous books on the lifestyle that are very informative. One video that is good to watch is Nina Hartley's Guide to Swinging. It is very well made and informative.

 

Take your time and do your research. Although the Lifestyle is fun, it is not for everyone. It takes a GREAT amount of love, trust and open communication to make it a successful adventure.

 

Good luck!

 

Teresa

[sweekcheeks 15]

Thanks so much for responding. I had to smile when you told me that you had started early as well. We've both been through a history of relationships and know quite well what works and what won't. We agreed from the very beginning that it seemed as if we'd already been together for years - we're so in tune to each other, and so incredible - in every aspect. Which we all know is unusual. That's why I'm able to move forward. I feel safe with him, and know he's not into head games. I really think that its something we might be ready to do now, where with most others, it might never happen.

 

So tell me, what do you love about it? Share with me if you can.

[sportync 20]

What do I like about it? Everything!! The sights, sounds, tastes, aromas and feel of several naked people enjoying each others fantasies. The idea that you can go beyond societies boundries for a little while and turn your wildest fantasies into reality with the one you love. Watching your lover being pleasured and giving pleasure in return. The feeling of freedom you get when you take off your clothes with a group of people who all have the same thing in mind...all of this adds up to treasured moments that you will have in your memory forever. Not to say that sometimes things might get a little bit strange, but if you choose your partners with care, you should really enjoy this aspect of your relationship. This is something that I couldn't have entered into early in this relationship, as I had some issues with an ex that I needed to work through, but when you give yourself completely to another, you begin to really value their happiness, and what better way to show them that than to help them to live out their fantasies? Enjoy! Sportync:D

[babydragon 16]

I wont say you shouldn't swing but I would like to maybe give some cautionry advice. One of the main things Not to do is jump straight into the club scene, I have heard of way to many couple getting well over their heads in more ways than one.

 

You need to be able to sit down with your SO and decide what is exceptable to you both, set boundries, rules and always stick to them. Way too many people dont take the time to find out what is exceptable and whats not, thus causing alot of heartache that anyone could do without.

 

It isn't easy to find your own personal nitch in the style, as many have found out before you. I wish you all the best and hope you have many years of swinging fun. Remember one thing though, the guys on this site have years of experience (some more than others) if you ever have a problem or any questions (even if you think it's a silly question) these guys will always answer you to the best of their knowledge.

[BayCouples.com 15]

3 months into a relationship is kinda quick for a couple to think about swinging unless both have participated in it before with other partners

 

You should try it if you really want to, however you should remember that the lifestyle is mainly for committed couples who are secure in their relationships (and it is kinda hard to put that label on a 3 month relationship).

 

Also, you should expect that many couples would not want to play with you for that same reason.

[Noodles 15]

Originally posted by sweekcheeks

Thanks so much for responding. I had to smile when you told me that you had started early as well. We've both been through a history of relationships and know quite well what works and what won't. We agreed from the very beginning that it seemed as if we'd already been together for years - we're so in tune to each other, and so incredible - in every aspect. Which we all know is unusual. That's why I'm able to move forward. I feel safe with him, and know he's not into head games. I really think that its something we might be ready to do now, where with most others, it might never happen.

 

So tell me, what do you love about it? Share with me if you can.

[yhungry 15]

I just received and watched from Amazon.com "Lifestyle" which I would recommend to anyone interested in swinging.

 

Rich

[Handyman69 15]

Good Luck with your intro into the lifestyle, all I can say is that for me it took a lot of reading and lot of communication with my husband. Make sure you both are on the same wave-length and in it for the same reasons. There have been a lot of new discussions on this very subject lately so go through them all and talk about them together.

 

Why you ask? Hard to answer for me but love the excitement and thrill that has been put back in our marriage and life. I have no regrets and would do it again (just wish had done it sooner..LOL).

 

Anyway, most important thing is your relationship with your significant other, so move through things together and see how you like it. Don't push each other as each needs to be comfortable with the new way of life.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Rhonda

[ciscosv 26]

Three months? I say that you never know until you check it all out. Anyways, the biggie is communication. You will hear that over and over again on this board. There is a reason for it. We have gone to a specific off-premise club (When we can make it) because it is couples only. That makes us feel comfortable. No pressure is a plus for us both and the atmosphere is something that we are more into.

 

What do we love about? Meeting wonderful and open minded couples is the my favorite part. Ofcourse, watching my wife get pleasured and vise versa is in there somewhere.

 

You two can either make it fun, exciting, pleasurable and wonderful or destroy it all to hell. Stick around. As the others said, this is a great site and is a VALUABLE resource!

 

Good luck!

[Alura 2,774]

Three months? Only you know whether that is too soon in your relationship or not. We met a couple on our second date, the next night after our first date, who invited us to swing with them. They were both fun people and very attractive. Had we known each other better we'd have done it. As it was, we decided to discuss the subject with each other before making a decision. About thirty minutes into the discussion, later that night, we decided we wanted to. We've never changed our minds.

 

We never saw that couple again. It was three years before we tried it the first time. There have been long times between playmates but we've never wanted to stop, except when we decided to have children.

 

We like it because it's the most fun you can have with your clothes off. Seriously, we feel we can only make love with each. "Sex-for-fun" works better with someone you like but don't love. The combinations two couples can make is unobtainable elsewhere.

 

Mr. Alura

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by sweekcheeks

So how does a couple begin? [/QUTE]

By talking about it.

 

What are the rules?

The ones that you agree on.

 

Where are clubs?

In most large cities..small cities usually have house parties. Beware of both..investigate them first.

 

What are on & off premises?

I think that has been answered.

 

Is there terminology I should know?

 

None.....swingers are just people like you that are turned on by sexual encounters with others while there S/O is present or aware. Many terminologies are misinterpreted or take on one meaning for one person and another for someone else. If you aren't sure about a term then ask specifically what the person means.

 

As far as how long you have known each other that of course is meaningless. I know some people that met at swing clubs and ended up getting married. On the other hand I have witnessed twenty year marriages dissolve due to swinging. You know you.

 

Is there a "Swinging for Dummies" I should read?

Not yet...but maybe we should right one. I personally don't like the term dummy's. Perhaps a swinging for the newbies would be a good book.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Is there a "Swinging for Dummies" I should read?

 

I would highly suggest reading "Recreational Sex" by Patti Thomas. It is a great guide to swinging, with something both for newbies and more experienced swingers.

 

As for terminology, there's quite a bit posted on in our "Dictionary" on the site here. Mostly it will help you understand what others mean when reading ads and somewhat when reading this board even. However, don't allow yourself to get too hung up on terminology as quite often people use terms to mean different things. If you are ever unsure about what someone means by something just ask them.