Who is in a poly situation or poly friendly here?

[couplewanting50 65]

Are there any people here involved in polyamory?

 

If so, is that what brought you to swinging, or was it the other way around?

[EvilMJ 65]

Very interesting question.

 

Friends of mine were into Polyamory but when it came down to it I think what they really wanted to do was go into swinging.

[NakedInSeattle 159]

Tried it once. Liked him - loved her. They said it was gonna be a true triad palyamory and it was fine for a while. But then I realized I was just a 3rd wheel (on a bicycle, no less). When it came to sharing expenses, I was an equal partner. But for almost everything else I would never have equal rights - in everything that came up, it was "remember he IS the husband and you're not." "You don't have the right to do this or that."

 

If you're thinking of doing this, think again.

 

Believe me, that was more than my 2 cents worth. It cost me a lot more than that - emotionally and financially..

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Typically, the swingers here are not very pro-polyamory, but there are a few posters who are involved in a poly relationships. I find it amusing that people are open enough to swing, yet, when it comes to something that they wouldn't particularly want to participate in, they caution everyone from it. I think there are some poly sites, but most of the time, one does not lead to the other....at least from most folks on this site.

 

Pepper

[WesternSwing 504]

Although Mrs. WS and I would not clasify ourselves as polyamorous, we do lean a little more toward it then maybe some other swingers. We are pro-polyamory or poly-friendly if you may, and therefore have been accepted into the poly community in our area. We have made many friends in the poly community, we are invited to the poly potluck dinners and movie nights, etc. We also tend to make good friends of many of the people we swing with.

 

It would seem to us that many couples in the poly community swing occasionally when not involved in a poly relationship. We also see allot of these relationships as transient since there is the primary relationship and the additional person. My ex-sister-in-law and her husband was in a poly relationship with a lesbian gal, but finally she had to end it. This gal lived with them, slept in the same bed, had sex with my sister-in-law, BUT, her husband was pretty much left out of it. He wasn't getting anything out of the relationship situation and I think some jealousy was starting develop. We've seen similar situations in other's poly relationships, also.

 

Mrs. WS had what I would consider an poly relationship with a single male last Fall. We would all play together and she saw him solo also. She definitely had a crush on him. It was kinda' cute, acutally. But, he fell for the wife of another couple that are friends of ours and they have been involved in a poly relationship since last November, and it has worked well for them so far. Now the heartbreak comes because they are moving for a new job and he has his life here and is staying. It's gonna be bad for him for awhile. But, who knows how long it would have lasted if they had stayed. Maybe it's better to end this way then badly down the road?

 

I agree with Pepper about wondering how some who are so open to swinging can be so closed-minded about poly relationships. I think this relates to their personal fears, though.

 

I personally feel, if it works for you... good.

 

Mr. WS

[intuition897 2,179]

WesternSwing brings up many interesting points. To be honest, Mr. intuition and I haven't discussed how we feel currently about polyamorous relationships, but we have in the past. We decided then that it wasn't something that we're interested in; the potential for stress, drama, and fallout were much higher than the perceived benefits. Swinging fit the bill rather nicely though.

 

However, we had both said that if either of us was interested in starting up another LTR with someone else, we were both okay with that. It just isn't something that either of us has the interest in pursuing. So, I guess, like WS we are poly-friendly.

 

EDIT>> Oh yeah, I meant to mention... I think the only reason we would avoid playmate(s) who were poly was if we felt they were unable to understand how swingers operate. If they were unable to separate love from sex, and they began having emotional expectations of us that we simply don't have the capacity to meet, then that would be a definite problem. It would only work if they fully understood that we do NOT feel the need to deeply love our sex partners.

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

We are a polyamorous triad, consisting of a married couple and a live in girlfriend. All of us were involved in the swinging lifestyle before our poly relationship started. We are all still currently active in the lifestyle, sometimes as a triad, sometimes as just a couple, due to work/life obligations.

 

We (the three (3) of us) view this relationship as a three (3) way marriage, all equal and all united. There has never been a time that I ( the other Mrs. Ménage) have felt like I was a third wheel unless I made myself feel that way or allowed outside influences to make me feel that way early in the relationship. Mr. and Mrs. Ménage have always gone above and beyond to ensure that I have been an equal part and never an after thought. Like any marriage or long term committed relationship, we have found what works for us financially. I have never felt like I was obligated, expected or required to do anything other than the right thing or my share financially. For us this IS a marriage between the three (3) of us. It is truly amazing to us, that in a lifestyle based on open mindedness and acceptance for things outside the “norm”, how little acceptance and understanding our relationship receives. We will be the first ones to admit that a poly relationship is not for everyone, just as swinging isn’t for everyone.

 

But what amazes us is how many people we know in the lifestyle, who tell/ask us on a regular basis some of the following…. “I/we just don’t get it”, “is this really what you want?”, “are you sure this is for you?”, “are you sure Mrs. Ménage is ok with this?”, “are you sure The Other Mrs. Ménage is ok with this?”, “when we see just two of you together it seems kind like you are having an affair”. And our all time favorite and the question we get most is “who sleeps where?” or “who decides who sleeps where?” No matter how many times the three (3) of us tell people we are all ok with everything, we all are on the same page with this, they just don’t get it.

 

Frankly, we feel the reason most people don’t get or understand our relationship is because they are afraid of what it could mean if they thought that they or their SO could love another equally. It seems most are very uncomfortable with that due to insecurity. Again we are not saying that this type of a relationship is for everyone, it is NOT.

 

Other than people not getting our relationship, our biggest frustration is the number of people in the lifestyle that consider me (The Other Mrs. Ménage) to be a single woman. I find it not only disrespectful to all of us, but insulting to me that I would leave my life partners out of a play situation. I am not a single female, I am their wife. Despite popular belief this isn’t only a sexual relationship (YES the sex is beyond awesome facelick ) but this is a much deeper relationship than just a physical one. But for us it has been nothing but natural.

 

And for those who do wonder about the sleeping arrangements, we have a nice little building out back for Mr. Ménage we have affectionately named “Chateau Bow Wow” (a.k.a. the dog house :slam")…….LOL…..seriously it has never been an issue, sometimes all three of us sleep in a big king-size bed, other times one of us just wants to crash out and wants to sleep alone, other times we take turns, it just works out. We are more than happy to talk about our relationship in depth – just email us and ask us – we didn’t mean to go on and on soapbox, but wanted to get you some clear information on what our relationship is for us. As far as the lifestyle goes, we are having an awesome time with it and hope it never ends………..

 

The Other Mrs. Ménage ……

[ncmd_couple 597]

I know that we have a number of Poly relationships represented by users here, thought I would make a roll call and ask you what your personal situation is at the moment.

 

We are poly oriented without an extra partner(s) right now.

 

S

[SecretAsianMan 348]

I'm more "poly-friendly" than anything else at this point... I've been poly in the past and still have lots of poly friends.

[TheDeal 117]

We're poly, but not extremist. We like having exclusive friend / sexual relationships, but we wouldn't refer to them as secondaries, maybe just gf / bf.

 

G

[The Fuse 1,012]

We are swingers who have had a poly relationship in the past and are open to doing it again, but not actively seeking nor hoping. Our poly relationship was not exclusive. If it happens again, it happens, but it was like a miracle the first time and not likely to be repeated.

[Guest rdy46227]

Poly with secondaries (Vs); currently she has 1, I have none.

[WesternSwing 504]

We have been in poly relationships in the past, but right now there is no third in our life. We are open to another though. In the meantime we'll keep swinging, too.

 

Mr. WS

[rpu3 630]

I suppose poly-friendly would be an descriptor, as I'm not against the concept of poly. I am in an open-marriage, and do have a relationship of sorts with a friend, in addition to my marriage. I'm not all that and a bag of chips on emotional matters, so I just don't identify too strongly with calling myself poly, although others might view it as a poly-like arrangement.

[TheDeal 117]

IMHO...for what it's worth. I feel the Internet has made alternative lifestyles available to anyone, at least for investigation. If my wife and I had only clubs and swinger mags to get information, we would have never even considered swinging. Boards like these and other dating-type lifestyle sites allowed us to investigate and talk to folks without fear. That said, I feel like some kind of light-poly is more natural to the bulk of folks out there. I would be willing to bet that most folks would prefer to have one or more couples to be close friends and exclusive with verses a new playmate or couple all the time. I am NOT putting down anyone who likes the variety. I am just saying that everyone (mostly, right?) likes sex, and who doesn't want to have fantasy sex? Allot of us are just not comfortable being promiscuous, but we still want to have freaky sex. Some sort of FWB or poly is a comfortable alternative to swinging. It kinda fits into what you're already used too...dating, getting to know someone, sex with just those someones.

 

G

[mick2150 96]

I think in all of the dozen or so posts I have made, I have consciously outed myself as poly-supportive/sensitive - even if I am not right now, poly-active. But then there is such a broad spectrum of 'polyness' - each person & each relationship needs to negotiate & agree the ground rules that are going to work for all involved.

 

I am in a number of intimate relationships on-going - they range from 'close friends' .... 'Close FWB's' .... but no primary relationship at present (except maybe with myself!); the common thread is that all are open & honest and, as is appropriate to the circumstance, I have no problem sharing 'news' about my connections with any of my connections. The day that I sense jealousy rearing it's green-eyed head, is the day that I start to confront the situation & try to find out what the real problem is that lies below the surface.

 

The poly spectrum can 'swing' from one extreme to another! And it need not be a static scene - it can be open to adaptation & change. However, I do feel that there is a subtle difference between being 'poly' (whatever flavour) and being poly-active. I think it is a mind set - either you are poly-OK, active personally at this time or not, or you may be playing with the poly idea, but I don't think a born poly - hard-wired as they say - can really change; then I don't believe that those of my friends who are in one of the GLBT persuasions can switch their orientation from ON to OFF.

 

M.

[avid 134]

I am part of a poly triad, actually a Vee (although I really don't care for that particular word).

 

I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years, and with my (male) partner for just over 3 years. Through a consistent effort, a bit of luck, and a lot of communication, we have blended our families and have lived together for the past almost 2 years. We just came back from a family vacation in Florida.

 

My husband and my partner are developing a solid friendship based on mutual respect and love for me. They never fight, nor even so much as argue. My partner and I are much more volatile, given our personalities and also the fact that we're in business together. Lots of fun and excitement!

 

We also swing together, but our opportunities are somewhat limited because of time constraints. We're hoping to get a little more time for that this winter.

[IvoryTowers 380]

Being academics, we researched this lifestyle thoroughly before we got involved, and that included poly.

 

I am absolutely not poly because I am an extreme introvert. And I mean that in the technical sense--I'm not at all shy or awkward around people, but to recharge my batteries, I need complete alone time. I know I love Mr. Ivory because he's the ONLY person who doesn't drain me (and even then, if he goes off for a day with the boys I love it). So although I enjoy swinging, the planets would have to be in extraordinary alignment for me to want another relationship.

 

Mr. Ivory, OTOH, while something of an introvert, is more in need of emotional attachments, more connected, more passionate about everything. When we started swinging, I was worried about him falling in love with someone else and I told him so, but I'm not worried about that anymore. If he meets a woman and develops a connection, I think I'll be happy for him (I say think because how can one really know?). He's the most ethical and compassionate person I know, so he'd work very hard to make sure both his women feel special and I'm sure anyone he loved would become a good friend of mine. So what's to fear? Hey, it would probably work to my advantage, as I could get more alone time without feeling I was shutting him out!

 

So long winded way of saying poly friendly and aware.

[Nitati 28]

I'm poly... the hubby is not. But he's willing to share, lol Still, the "poly" in me is currently inactive and will likely stay that way for a good long while. Being a wife & mom, and trying to start/maintain new relationships is too mentally & emotionally draining. Plus, I have no intention of living in a menage or commune as I am not the type that believes it's okay to blend families & involve children in something just so the adults can be happy. Perhaps that has something to do with living in a small town... or that we're already a multicultural family? Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I'm poly... the hubby is not. But he's willing to share, lol Still, the "poly" in me is currently inactive and will likely stay that way for a good long while. Being a wife & mom, and trying to start/maintain new relationships is too mentally & emotionally draining. Plus, I have no intention of living in a menage or commune as I am not the type that believes it's okay to blend families & involve children in something just so the adults can be happy. Perhaps that has something to do with living in a small town... or that we're already a multicultural family? Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

 

Nitati, I dont understand. I want to though

 

You say you are poly. By that, do you mean you have feelings of love for playmates. But would prefer to be discrete about everything, now that you have family ?

 

Could you explain more ?

[Nitati 28]

Sure! I develop emotional attachments to people quickly and easily... which isn't necessarily a good thing. On the one hand, it means I make friends with the people I meet day to day fairly easily. On the other, it's made our search for potential playmates a little difficult because most people we come across don't want any emotional attachment at all (understandable) but I'm having difficulty being sexually attracted to people without actually getting to know them, knowing that they only want a one-time only, preliminary type of encounter. Does that make sense?

 

Being poly to me is about the emotional attachment and personal growth that develops, and the relationship may or may not include sex. It's about sharing life & love with deep, meaningful attachment with more than one person at a time. And that's just not something I'm willing to struggle through any more (I guess you can say my priorities are different now). Once upon a time, maybe. But it's risky behavior considering that I already have a husband (we've been together since 15, married since 19) and now 2 young kiddos that I'm putting 110% of myself into loving and caring and providing for. I'm very happy with the loves of my life, and don't want to complicate things any further by falling in love with others.

 

My hubby doesn't share this type of mindset with me at all, lol. But he understands it. Heck, sometimes he understands it (and me) better than I do! He'd probably be able to explain it better as well, but he doesn't talk or type much

[toycple 19]

We have only been poly for the last year or so. For a while we both had this one girlfriend but that didn't work out. Then we went on to have sort of an open door relationship with a close swinger couple we know. We regularly take each other spouse out on dates. We have thought of trying it with other couples but none have really seemed to fit rite.

[avid 134]

Either way, I don't want to make life any harder on my little ones... though please understand that I'm not by any means knockin' people who do live an active poly life in front of their children & community. It's just not my personal choice to cause mine any undue suffering b/c other people are judgemental & cruel.

 

As a woman who has a blended poly family, the way this reads to me is that there is a conclusion reached that it WILL cause suffering, not that there is a POTENTIAL for that. I'm curious as to where that assumption comes from.

[duskysub 18]

My hubby and I are fully poly and were before we met which makes it easier! Our kids are aware and always have been, although they don't openly discuss it with their friends.

[gatorvol64 216]

We are part of a closed quad. We do not live together at this time though that is a goal of ours. That probably won't happen until all the kids are out on their own. Just not feasible right now.

 

Gator and I have been married right at 25 years and Tech and Kitten have been married 13 years. We met swinging two years ago this past Monday.

 

Vol

[yourbitterpill 34]

Mrs. YBP here. While we started out as just full-swappers, we're now involved in a mfm triad, or 'vee' - though like Avid, I don't really care for that term. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. He and Mr. YBP are friends.

[pants_1 27]

Well, as some of you know, I'm in the midst of the transition to poly. Right now, my wife has a boyfriend (that's what I call him, anyway), and another possible hookup waiting in the wings. She and her boyfriend actually just had their first fight the other day... aww...

 

I'm not active, partly by choice... I'm looking, but taking it very slowly. Apart from the fact that I'd just like to have more sex (my sex drive is a bit higher than my wife's), I'm in no real hurry to do anything. With all the recent drama, I don't feel like precipitating any more crises until the recent ones have calmed down.

 

The whole poly thing was something she has wanted for a long time (since we met, really). I don't have a problem with it, as long as the "primary" relationship stays strong. That seems to set off everyone's warning bells, except mine.

 

I have gotten a lot of flak; some mistakes were made, and some drama has resulted. We didn't follow some of the swinging rules (and some logical safety rules too, but that has been dealt with), and that has bothered some people on the board. I don't mean to sound ungrateful... I've gotten lots of great support and advice. But I do think the situation is a simply different, and I am honestly a little afraid of being judged.

 

So that's where I am.

[SnBinDFWtx 15]

We have discussed 'what if' regarding entering a poly relationship, from both angles. Single man or single woman, even possibly another couple. We really enjoyed partying with the group of people we used to know. Comfortable. We would enjoy experiencing a regular intimate relationship with a woman or couple. S, being straight, doesn't feel threatened if we did have another guy interested. Would be strictly platonic for him.

 

Trouble is finding that single someone who is really open to exploring this kind of relationship. We dont really know a reliable source or forum/website to inquire really.

 

Oh, for those who may also like to know. we're pagan as well.

[AshNFiona 15]

We are married for 30 years. Started swinging 7 years ago. We've had two poly relationships in this period. During the relationships we didn't swing outside.

 

The first was with a divorced lady Liz we knew. The three of us lived together for a year, usually sleeping in one bed. Fiona and Liz are bi and had plenty of fun with each other. Liz then had to move to another city for her family reasons.

 

The second was with a couple. We didn't live together but spent weekends together. Sometimes we exchanged spouses for a few days, so that Fiona went to stay with him and his wife Sue came to me. Each of us guys regarded the two ladies as our two wives, and each of them regarded us equally as two husbands. That lasted about 18 months. We then had an amicable parting when they had to move away. Before that we had talked about moving in together and unite our two marriages into one relationship of four people. But that was not to be then. May be in the future ...

 

Ash (hubby, well one hubby, of Fiona!)

[bransoncouple 20]

Poly triad here mmf.