Not in our age range, won't take the hint

[discoandvyper 15]

We're a young couple, young for swingers. We understand that many times our youth will become an issue for the average swingers who are considerably older than us, by say ten years or more. Sometimes it's not, sometimes it is. We accept this.

 

We believe the average swinger couple has an age range they like to stick to. So do we. There's one particular couple on SLS that are clearly out of our age ranges we have set in profile. They approached us anyways, and we politely told them no thanks, we would meet them for coffee but that's as far as it would go. We met them for coffee and had a decent conversation, even if the gentleman did try to steer the conversation towards sex together much too often for us. Now they (we believe it's the gentleman doing this, as the lady didn't initiate an advance towards us a single time during the coffee meeting) won't stop emailing us with suggestive comments. We've replied to each of their emails to be polite, but have never responded to sexual overtures on their (his) behalf.

 

How do we tell them to take a hike without telling them to take a hike? We've already made it clear several times that nothing will ever happen, yet they (he) keeps bringing it up.

[CB_n_Red 16]

If they persist in failing to accept your stance then ultimately you will have to be rude. Some people seem to have an inability to hear what they don't want to.

 

A year or so back we had a similar problem with a single bloke. In the end I had to get very unsubtle before he backed off and left us alone.

 

One thought - perhaps arranging even a social meet when clearly nothing more is going to happen might not be a great idea. I realise that's closing the barn door, but....

 

CB

[tribbles 490]

Just tell them something about them reminds you of your parents

 

Or tell them it's not gonna happen and you are sorry but you are blocking more emails from them.

 

Actually, we are trying to broaden the age range we are willing to play with...no prob going up 20 yrs but down 20? That's less than 30! But it's not fair if I can go 20 older to not consider 20 younger cuz if a younger couple is going 20 older as their play limit, then WE are saying nope, too young but those older than us are letting us learn and have fun from them.

 

S

[Darkblue 55]

Well if they/he wont take the hint then tell him straight and then ignor his emails and whatever you do dont meet them again or answer the mails!

 

Some people will just not take a no the easy way so tell him the hard way..

 

 

Steve

[EvilMJ 65]

Looking at it from the other couples perspective, here is my take on it.

 

You did talk to them and initate a coffee meeting, even though you said nothing would happen. However I think you may be putting quite a different signal - We are agreeing to meet with you, therefore there is still a chance for us to get together. He tried to steer the converastion toward sex in an attempt to get you interested/see whether or not you might be interested.

 

Let's face it, most swingers do not invite others out for coffee unless it is a 'first meeting'. He is doing his best to get somewhere with a couple that he feels are young and attractive. In my own opinon I really don't think they are all that out of line as they are getting mixed signals from you and are tying to get the situation to be what they want it to be. I bet if they were asked, they would comment that if you weren't interested, then why did you ask us out in the first place - and completely disregard the friendship only part.

 

If you don't want to play with them then just come out and say "sorry but we are not interested. And if your comments continue to remain sexual in nature we will be blocking you in the future"

 

 

Consider this a learning experience - There are a large majority of swingers who are not in this for friendship, who consider the invitation to go out a 'green light'.

 

Your best bet is to respond to those you don't want to play with, with a no thank you, and leave the coffee for those who you consider potential playmates and you won't run into as much trouble in the long run.

[Amanda69 24]

Your best bet is to respond to those you don't want to play with, with a no thank you, and leave the coffee for those who you consider potential playmates and you won't run into as much trouble in the long run.

Dito

 

Anything more does give mixed messages. People aren't usually in this lifestyle to make more friends (though that is a nice sidebar when it happens) but they are in it to find potential play mates.

 

Be honest and upfront...sooner rather than later

[athena2910 17]

But it's not fair if I can go 20 older to not consider 20 younger cuz if a younger couple is going 20 older as their play limit, then WE are saying nope, too young but those older than us are letting us learn and have fun from them.S

 

For me, I don't want to have sex with anyone old enough to be my dad! (Not to mention that any man old enough to be my dad now would be elderly! LOL!)

 

But I can understand that people in their 40s find people in their 20s to be appealing: after all, for most people, being in their 20s means they're at their most attractive. (Yes, I know I'm making a sweeping generalization, but in general, youth, especially in our society is associated with beauty.)

 

That said, I think maybe a good rule of thumb is to not play with people young enough that you could have given birth to them. There's something rather incestuous about that, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas aside! (And let's not even think about Hugh Hefner who is 80 and his three 20-something girlfriends! Really, does the average 20 year-old really think a man old nearly enough to be her great-grandfather is a hottie? Please.)

 

A good friend of mine had a rule: he wouldn't date anyone who was either 11 years older or 11 years younger, but everyone in between was fair game. It was clearly very arbitrary, but it worked for him... and yet allowed him a fairly wide range of women.

 

Athena

[Tybee Swing 286]

How do we tell them to take a hike without telling them to take a hike? We've already made it clear several times that nothing will ever happen, yet they (he) keeps bringing it up.

 

Hi, it sounds like you are very nice, polite people who are getting hit on by a pretty aggressive guy. You said you made it CLEAR several times that you're not interested in sex with them, so I'm going to take you at your word with that.

 

When pushy people won't take "no, thank you" for an answer, the only choice I make from there is to block them from our IM, from our personal ad, and not accept any more messages from them. I give no further explanation at that point.

 

Although age wasn't the factor, this happened recently to us with a very pushy husband of a couple. Even after we clearly said "no, not interested, good luck to you, Buh-bye" (nicely), he still kept trying to IM us, even after he was blocked. Geeeeez, some people.

 

It's hard to start doing this (blocking people) when you are nice and polite like you obviously are, but you don't have to put up with this, and you are not obligated to them in any way.

 

Best wishes!

[singleagain 26]

For me, I don't want to have sex with anyone old enough to be my dad! (Not to mention that any man old enough to be my dad now would be elderly! LOL!)

 

But I can understand that people in their 40s find people in their 20s to be appealing: after all, for most people, being in their 20s means they're at their most attractive. (Yes, I know I'm making a sweeping generalization, but in general, youth, especially in our society is associated with beauty.)

 

That said, I think maybe a good rule of thumb is to not play with people young enough that you could have given birth to them. There's something rather incestuous about that, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas aside! (And let's not even think about Hugh Hefner who is 80 and his three 20-something girlfriends! Really, does the average 20 year-old really think a man old nearly enough to be her great-grandfather is a hottie? Please.)

 

A good friend of mine had a rule: he wouldn't date anyone who was either 11 years older or 11 years younger, but everyone in between was fair game. It was clearly very arbitrary, but it worked for him... and yet allowed him a fairly wide range of women.

 

Athena

 

I have found that the actual physical age of a person isn't nearly as important as the level of maturity the person exhibits. I have recently met with a couple where the female half is only 21. I am 61. It was one of the most amazing times I have ever had. For her it was all about the sex with no hang-ups on my age. Her husband, who is only about 30 really enjoyed having sex with my girlfriend who is 63.

 

On the other hand I met with a couple where they were both my age and neither could enjoy the night because of the jealousie expressed by the female when her husband was fucking my girlfriend. who is 63.

 

For young swingers I really think you are missing out on some really hot times by being so picky. There are many things you can learn from older couples. Enjoy life. Its all to short.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think you made the mistake of being too nice. There have been some really nice couples (some too young for us ) that have gotten the standard "we are not compatible" response. They seem like great people - and probably people we might enjoy hanging out with in a non-sexual way...

 

But to be honest - no one is really looking for a non-sexual friendship. Sure they happen - they develop - but ultimately we are all looking for playmates. That's why we are here.

 

My advice would be to simply cut it off, chalk it up and learn to say no up front.

 

It saves a lot of trouble on the back end.

[Couple_N_Ark 39]

I would just send them a polite reply that you appreciate their interest in meeting, but at this time you just dont feel their compatable.

 

If they continue to send any other emails other than one more to say "ok" or whatever, then block them.

 

If they have your real email addresses then just ignore them.

[good times 991]

I agree with the others that you were too polite for your own good. In cases like this, it has been our experiance that if they don't get hints like you have given you might as well be blunt and to the point because they will never get it if you don't.

[chaddd 15]

you would think the tone of your voice..an the way you avoid ,would be enough...hopfull this will be the last bad experiance you have,,,

[visaman 15]

It was my understanding that swingers were 50+ years old with bad dental work. Or, at least those are the ones I have seen in magazines. A couple in their 20's are quite rare.

 

A good primer for swinging would the episode of All In The Family, where Edith and Archie host a couple of swingers in their house.

[2GirlsGoodBenBa 16]

Just tell them something about them reminds you of your parents

 

We say this all the time to people that are at least 40 and up.. ..One guy responded saying he thought his daughter was hot Creeped the hell out of us.

[JP51 40]

Bottom line, just tell them...NO, we are not intrested...then BLOCK the darn email and go about your life.

 

And the guy who thought is daughter was sexy...I had one take me to a club where is daughter was the stripper....now that creeped me out!

[2GirlsGoodBenBa 16]

And the guy who thought is daughter was sexy...I had one take me to a club where is daughter was the stripper....now that creeped me out!

 

Yes, that is definitely up there in the strange side of things.

[athena2910 17]

"...Her husband, who is only about 30 really enjoyed having sex with my girlfriend who is 63..."

 

But I still think there's a strong psychological undercurrent that comes into play when the age differences are SO huge. A friend of mine admits that she likes much older men precisely because she has -- as she puts it -- "father issues."

 

And there's no way of getting around the fact that a 61 year-old man having sex with a girl barely at voting age brings up some issues for both of you. I'm not saying you can't or didn't enjoy it, but that's not the point.

 

I remember a certain "Sex and the City" episode in which Samantha, the show's voracious sex nymph beds a man who is at least 20 years her senior. The man was handsome, rich and sophisticated. And she was all for fucking him until he shed his clothes and had to use the restroom. It was the sight of his wrinkled butt that had her grabbing her clothes and running out of the house. The point is, age takes its toll -- and for those people who are very visually stimulated seeing the graphic effects of aging can be very off-putting.

 

My problem is, even though the male of the couple you played with was willing and enjoyed having sex with a woman more than twice his age, I'm willing to bet (and in fact, would like to know exact figures on this ) that not many 30 year-old men would find a 63 year-old woman an appropriate or appealing sex partner. (Of course, maybe your girlfriend is Sophia Loren look- alike.)

 

I know what I'm talking about, because I'm younger than you or your girlfriend and I hear men around my age, often expressing a marked distate for women their age! In other words, society has long accepted that men will want to have sex with women much younger than they are but it's not that prevalent for a man to prefer a women old enough to be his mom! (In fact, I can hear the cries of "eeewww" right now.)

 

Of course, I think it's great if more men are shedding their inhibitions and are willing to give older women a try. I can also speak to that from experience, because my "friend with benefits" is considerably younger than I am. But still, I'm not old enough to have given birth to him!

 

Athena

[CuriousInOregon 16]

Yes, that is definitely up there in the strange side of things.

 

ahhhhhhhhhhh i would about freak if that happened to me

[singleagain 26]

But I still think there's a strong psychological undercurrent that comes into play when the age differences are SO huge. A friend of mine admits that she likes much older men precisely because she has -- as she puts it -- "father issues."

 

And there's no way of getting around the fact that a 61 year-old man having sex with a girl barely at voting age brings up some issues for both of you. I'm not saying you can't or didn't enjoy it, but that's not the point...

 

 

Athena

 

Mind you, I don't often have sex with people 40 years younger than me. However, I am more into mental and spiritual maturity than I am physical age. This young couple we were with has it together. I wouldn't want to have sex (or any other social interaction) with immature people. And unless the person(s) involved are all at least 21, I will not participate. Also, generally my girlfriend and I both are turned off by poorly kept bodies, bad hygeine and rudeness. On the other hand if you have a good brain, healty attitude about life and are a little risque and want to enjoy the sexual side of life then we don't care if you are 21 or 101.

[good times 991]

And there's no way of getting around the fact that a 61 year-old man having sex with a girl barely at voting age brings up some issues for both of you. I'm not saying you can't or didn't enjoy it, but that's not the point.

What issues? What point? I fail to see how two people of legal age who find each other attractive enough to have sex would automatically have issues.

 

My problem is, even though the male of the couple you played with was willing and enjoyed having sex with a woman more than twice his age, I'm willing to bet (and in fact, would like to know exact figures on this ) that not many 30 year-old men would find a 63 year-old woman an appropriate or appealing sex partner. (Of course, maybe your girlfriend is Sophia Loren look- alike.)

I would gladly take that bet as long as I get to pick the woman. I know a quite a few older women who are much more attractive physically than most of the women in their 20's to 30's that we know. Moreover, due to their additional life experience they are usually much more intellectually stimulating than the younger girls are. Additionally, I would bet that if you polled all the guys under 30 who have had sex with women over 40 they would say they were much more fun in bed than the younger girls, again, because they are more experienced. I have also played with women less than half my age (I am 48) that liked older men for the same reasons. One of my wife’s favorite play partners is 23 years older than her (he is 65). When we first found out his age, we were shocked, as we would have guessed him to be about 50. The fact is that if all are adults then age does not make any difference. Just because you find it objectionable for two people with a large age difference to have sex does not mean it isn't just fine for them. I have no problem with someone having an age limit when looking to hook up with others, but I am offended when they want to impose those criteria on everyone else. Especially when they imply that, just because someone has sex with somebody 20 years older than them they must have mental problems or issues, or it is somehow inappropriate.

[athena2910 17]

Additionally, I would bet that if you polled all the guys under 30 who have had sex with women over 40 they would say they were much more fun in bed than the younger girls, again, because they are more experienced. ...I have no problem with someone having an age limit when looking to hook up with others, but I am offended when they want to impose those criteria on everyone else. Especially when they imply that, just because someone has sex with somebody 20 years older than them they must have mental problems or issues, or it is somehow inappropriate.

 

As to the first point, I'm not talking about an age difference of 10-12 or even 15 years. And I totally understand that many men your age like to bed girls half their age. I've known many of them and most of them acknowledge they prefer younger women. At least in your case, you're open to being with women your own age... and I suppose the same might be said for many on this board.

 

My problem is, my own experience tells me that most men who prefer younger women won't bed women their own age or older, but maybe this is more prevalent in the vanilla world.

 

As to the second point, regarding issues, I understand that if two people who are old enough to be parent and child don't mind, then that's their business, but I'm allowed to have an opinion about it based on comments I've heard from people in these relationships. (Of course, I realize you're not necessarily interested in a relationship with one of these much younger women, because you're already committed to your spouse...)

 

I guess the whole thing is a sore point with me, because I've heard too many men say they wouldn't go to bed with a woman over 45, or 55, or older, so where does that leave women in that age group, especially those of us who are looking for a partner? Demographics tell you that there are far more available women than available men and it gets worse as women get older, because the pool of available men shrinks considerably. Add to that, the number of those men who won't date women in their age group and the pool becomes very tiny indeed. Sigh.

 

Athena

[Amanda69 24]

Posted by visaman

It was my understanding that swingers were 50+ years old with bad dental work. Or, at least those are the ones I have seen in magazines. A couple in their 20's are quite rare.

 

A good primer for swinging would the episode of All In The Family, where Edith and Archie host a couple of swingers in their house.

 

Sorry hun not even close. I have been swinging since age 35 and the age ranges vary with the club you attend. Some are younger, we have one here in Toronto which is 25-35.

[EvilMJ 65]

"..

 

But I still think there's a strong psychological undercurrent that comes into play when the age differences are SO huge. A friend of mine admits that she likes much older men precisely because she has -- as she puts it -- "father issues."

 

 

Athena

 

I don't agree with this. My best friend is my age - 34, her husband is 56. There are not father issues. He was married to a woman his own age previously, she dated men her own age. They were two people who found out that they had a lot in common, shared similar interests, enjoyed their company and had a sexual attraction. Sure it might be creepy to some, but it doesn't automatically mean that there are issues involved. In fact they have been married 12 years and have two wonderful children.

 

I have actually played with her husband (and she with mine ) and he is a fun person and a good partner. I have also played with men who are younger than me. Where we are there are lots of younger swingers - in their 20's. In fact I would have to say the average age of swingers here is mid thirties. But there are all age ranges.

 

Everyone is entitled to their comfort level in ages. There are some older men I will NEVER play with, but there are others I would in a heartbeat...why...sexual attraction I guess. I don't base anything on age, it's all on attraction, physical and psychological.

[Couple_N_Ark 39]

 

I know what I'm talking about, .......................it's not that prevalent for a man to prefer a women old enough to be his mom! (In fact, I can hear the cries of "eeewww" right now.)

 

Athena

 

I'm not so sure that you do know what you're talking about....My wife Lisa just turned 42, and we get a tremendous amount of propositions from young men. Alot of guys as young as 18 has made contact with us from the various groups we belong too.

 

To many it's either a big fantasy, or else they look at is as an easy way to "get a piece".

 

Ever heard the term MILF?

[prettylady 221]

MILF...

Funny not 2 seconds ago I ranted about being called a MILF

Can't stand that word.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[Tybee Swing 286]

I know what I'm talking about, because I'm younger than you or your girlfriend and I hear men around my age, often expressing a marked distate for women their age! In other words, society has long accepted that men will want to have sex with women much younger than they are but it's not that prevalent for a man to prefer a women old enough to be his mom! (In fact, I can hear the cries of "eeewww" right now.)

 

My experience has been quite the opposite. I'm a woman in her mid-40's. I'm approached often by younger men. In the vanilla world, even moreso - such as guys at the gym, etc. - even as young as college-aged. My impression is that many young men are attracted to older women. From what I am hearing from men, the attraction involves our experience, sophistication and level of sexual confidence. Most women blossom in the confidence department with age and life experience, and they have a great deal to offer younger men in this department.

 

Personally, I'm not attracted to younger men (that whole "you could be my son" thing), but I don't mind the attention at all!

[lovinmenages 15]

what is MILF?

[Mr. Truelove 81]

Term for "Mother I'd Like to Fuck"

 

Some people seem to take offense to it. But most of the time I think it's used playfully enough. I call my wife a MILF. She seems to take it as a compliment.