Swingers on Oprah

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

It's definitely sweeps week! Another show out on swingers, this time it's the queen of daytime tv herself!

 

The Oprah show is presenting a show this Friday, November 19th entitled

 

>Secret Sex In The Suburbs

 

PhD's, accountants, a Brownie leader, and a reverend -- they are all swingers. Oprah investigates as couples come forward and tell all. Plus, it's not just men anymore. Women tell why they cheat on Friday's Oprah.

__________________

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Sounds interesting, I'll have to set my Tivo up to grab that. Seems like we are seeing swinging everywhere lately.

 

Interesting that they are equating swinging and cheating... or at least lumping them all together.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Just pulled it up on Tivo and according to their info the title is

Swinging in the Suburbs - if that is the case it makes it even more bothersome that they are including cheating in the mix. Or is it that they are labeling swinging as cheating?

[JnCC 24]

Having them on Oprah might not be such a bad thing for swinging in general. Oprah has a huge audience...about 25 million viewers tune in each week to await further instructions on what to do and how to live their lives from Oprah. I suspect that having otherwise "normal" people who just happen to be swingers on her show will strike a chord with housewives who are happily married, but "looking for something more" or "something different" in their sex lives.

 

I think this will be a great, watershed event for all those guys who have been trying for years to get their wives to swing. Because, once Oprah Winfrey say's "it's OK to be a swinger," there won't be ANY reason for their wives to say "no" to it ever again.

[curiousagain 326]

I think this will be a great, watershed event for all those guys who have been trying for years to get their wives to swing. Because, once Oprah Winfrey say's "it's OK to be a swinger," there won't be ANY reason for their wives to say "no" to it ever again.

 

And if she equates it with cheating and says it's immoral, bad, etc.

What then???

[WesternSwing 504]

And if she equates it with cheating and says it's immoral, bad, etc.

What then???

That is the problem. There is no way Oprah would ever endorse swinging. It would be the end of her career. We'll wait and see, but I bet it won't be for the better.

 

Mr. WS

[curiousagain 326]

WesternSwing said:

That is the problem. There is no way Oprah would ever endorse swinging. It would be the end of her career. We'll wait and see, but I bet it won't be for the better.

 

Yeah, the odds of her putting it in a good light are about the same that I will win the lottery this week. 'Course, I could buy a ticket for a change.

[JnCC 24]

Quote

 

"And if she equates it with cheating and says it's immoral, bad, etc.

What then???"

 

 

WELL, in that case, I'd say those guys are pretty well screwed, at least in this lifetime.

 

I don't think she needs to "endorse" it to "endorse" it, if you know what I mean. All she needs to do is say, "well, it works for these people" which is probably how it will come down.

 

I don't watch Oprah much, but the times I've seen it, she seems to run a friendly, down-home chatty sort of show. Obviously, her audience is 99% women, and I don't think they tune it to watch her confront, or match wits with her guests.

 

Either way, we'll know in 4 days...

[F16AV8R 18]

Swinging is not cheating. Deceit is cheating. Swinging is sharing with consent. Oprah needs to be more responsible if indeed she tries to equate one with the other.

[JKBertha 15]

Hey, bottom line is the best impact this show can have is that we get to see Stedman and Oprah out and about swinging:)

 

lol, I'm kidding......my mind I guess went to a wierd place, hee hee

[sexyswcouple 15]

I heard somewhere that 20/20 was doing a show on "Swinging" - anyone know what happened to that segment? I thought it was going to air last Friday the 12th, or this Friday the 18th. Maybe instead of sweeps week, we should call it Swingers week?

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

I heard somewhere that 20/20 was doing a show on "Swinging" - anyone know what happened to that segment? I thought it was going to air last Friday the 12th, or this Friday the 18th. Maybe instead of sweeps week, we should call it Swingers week?

 

Yes, it was supposed to be aired last Friday Night but it was prempted for the Scott Peterson Verdict. No idea when it will be rescheduled as of yet so stay tuned to the board and it will be posted as soon as it is found out.

[SexhoundDog 18]

Interesting that they are equating swinging and cheating... or at least lumping them all together.

 

Let's just hope that Oprah has the sense to report them as two separate issues or else makes it VERY clear that swinging isn't cheating when both spouses consent. I'll have to try to remember to stay awake for this one!

[sensuality 2]

OPEN YOUR MINDS!! Ya never know ? Oprah might be a closet swinger! The SLS/ 20/20 segment will probably air this Friday...a double whammy for us all. Oprah in the afternoon and 20/20 at night...Television will never be the same!!

[dave110256 21]

I can't stand Oprah but I won't miss that one...thanks for the info

[intuition897 2,179]

Let's just hope that Oprah has the sense to report them as two separate issues or else makes it VERY clear that swinging isn't cheating when both spouses consent. I'll have to try to remember to stay awake for this one!

 

My guess is that Oprah won't risk actually giving a definite opinion, and if she does, judging by the fact that cheating and swinging were both uttered in the same breath, she'll likely make the mistake of equating one with the other. We can only hope that the folks they've got on the show are good ambassadors for the Lifestyle and speak up to clear up the differences. I've seen a few shows that featured swinging and I have NO idea where they found some of these people! Couples where the woman was 'dragged' into it and was playing the martyr, others who just didn't care about one another, and generally just people who have NO clue about what swinging is supposed to be about.

 

Also I'd seen a show - a documentary - that I think was supposed to portray swingers as completely 'average'. They featured couples who were in their late 50's to early 80's (I'm guessing) and/or very unattractive. I know that those in the Lifestyle include people of all demographics and levels of attractiveness, but I felt they didn't accurately portray the 'average' swinger.

[JnCC 24]

Quote

"My guess is that Oprah won't risk actually giving a definite opinion..."

 

I concur. I taped 2, hour-long talk shows that dealt with swinging in the early 90's. One was hosted by Phil Donohue, the other by Geraldo "Jerry Rivers" Rivera. The contrasting styles of each host, and the information gleaned from their guests, made it obvious why one is regarded as the father of daytime talk, while the other has never achieved any real credibility as either a reporter or a host.

 

My feeling is that Oprah's style is a lot more like Donohue's than Rivera's or O'Reilly's.

 

Quote

"Also I'd seen a show - a documentary - that I think was supposed to portray swingers as completely 'average'. They featured couples who were in their late 50's to early 80's (I'm guessing) and/or very unattractive. I know that those in the Lifestyle include people of all demographics and levels of attractiveness, but I felt they didn't accurately portray the 'average' swinger."

 

That was a documentary called "The Lifestyle" which is still available in DVD and VHS with a little searching. You're right, the couples in it were all older and more "aesthetically challenged" than the folks I've met...or at least, moreso than I prefer to remember them. But there again, that might not have been such a bad thing. As you pointed out, swingers represent all demographics and levels of attractiveness, but I think we've been hindered in our growth as a movement by the media's suggestion that we're all under 30, buffed (if we're male) or with $5,000 tits (if we're female).

 

There are probably more middle-aged people, especially women, who won't swing because they think they're too old and ugly than there are who won't because they think we're all too old and ugly.

 

BTW, I actually liked "The Lifestyle." It gave me hope that the things I value and enjoy today will be available to me in years to come should I choose to pursue them.

[intuition897 2,179]

Ok, to be honest I don't think I've ever actually watched an entire episode of Oprah, so the title is a bit unfair. However, the consensus among the 'sexually liberated' seems to be that she's like a censoring shepherdess leading her flock of sheep!

[tracy1878 19]

I think I'll hang around and watch Oprah.... I'm not an Oprah fan, but I would like to hear what's being said. On the Oxygen network they air "oprah after the show" which is what goes on after they stop broadcasting. I might even check that one out too. I think that the lifestyle is a personal choice between spouses and is not up to Oprah to decide.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Personally, I don't think Oprah's show or the 20/20 special is going to really sway people one way or the other in terms of their thinking. Those who believe it's wrong will watch the hour and still think it's wrong, while those who are in the lifestyle will still believe that it's not. I don't know why people get so up in arms whenever something shows up on TV. We blame the media for portraying swingers in an unnatural light, and think that's why lifestylers have a bad rep, when really the media didn't create the bad rep. And, even if 20/20 or Oprah made swinging seem as innocent as petting a bunny rabbit, do you think suddenly you would be welcomed into society with open arms and could be completely open? The media may think they can tell us what to think and believe, but consistantly we don't buy into that. Most people are going to believe exactly what they've been told for years and years and won't question that. So, I'm going to watch Oprah, Oprah After the Show and I'm going to watch 20/20--just like the producers wanted me too. And, in the end, we'll still swing, and it still won't be "normal" or "accepted" in middle America.

 

soapbox I'm stepping down now! Pepper

[ShamusSC 15]

This Friday, November 19th, Oprah is supposed to have a special show about swingers with suposedly real swingers on stage. I have no idea how this is going to be portrayed but it will probably be interesting. Pass it on to as many people as you can

[psibili 15]

She tapes in Chicago. DO you know if there will be any 'cast parties?'

[Allicat1973 15]

Well, there is too much drama in her life anyway. She does not need to be discussing something she knows nothing about. Someone said she might be a closet swinger--please do not scare me like that!

[Buck 17]

I just checked Oprah's website: http://www.oprah.com

 

It has an opportunity for postings concerning the upcoming show on "swinging". There are over 160 posts and overwhelmingly they are by those active in the lifestyle. There are a few "better-than-thou's" who take shots at the lifestylers but all in all, it is very interesting reading. It reminded me of reading these boards. You may want to check it out.

[velbuzz 17]

Any chance Oprah will get to read all this before show time?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Two things I thought I would never do. Spend a hour watching Opera and also now saying that I am very proud of the way she handled the subject of Swingers and the Lifestyle on T.V. since this is ratings month.

 

At first I was concerned about her having "cheater" on her show first then I saw some good in her doing that. It shows the direct contrast to so called "normal" folks and swingers. Cheating VS Honesty.

 

She did not have just pretty people and trailer park wannabe's on her show. Nice normal swingers that could speak well.

 

For once, a decent view about swingers has been shown to the world.

[jdandka 15]

Oh my God -- we're *normal*.

 

Oh, wait -- we knew that

 

Actually a pretty decent show, that had great spokespeople who are profoundly normal. (And my hat's off to those three folks who came out on the show).

 

What I was actually impressed with was the contrast between the cheaters and the lifestylers. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it was definitely an interesting, even *encouraging* contrast.\

[darling 17]

I thought Oprah did a very nice job on the swinging lifestyle show. She had attractive people, not just toothless, uneducated people like some shows tend to show. And Oprah seemed to have a very open mind. I loved her comment about there being a new definition of marriage. Also loved the woman swingers comment about men get their women to try the lifestyle and women keep them in. Ever so true!! I would have liked to hear them talk about the difference between soft swinging vs full swing and about on site vs off site.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I was quite impressed with the way the topic was approached. I had to set Tivo to get the "After the show" (it's on Oxygen at 7pm EST) to see what else they may have to say.

 

I liked that she pointed out "This isn't cheating", the main couples she had on the show did an excellent job of discussing the lifestyle and answering her questions openly. It reminded me a lot of when we get newbies here on the site where one partner has brought it up and the other comes here looking for answers.

 

I have a feeling that this show will spark much more interest in swinging amongst couples than the VH1 special did. I'll be interested in seeing how many come in here and let us know that they learned about swinging from this show.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I just watched the after show and was impressed with how Oprah handled things, especially at the end when she pretty much just told this couple, whose wife had cheated and then the husband admitted to being addicted to porn, that they were being judgemental toward swingers because if they knew their neighbors were they wouldn't want their kids over at their house for fear of what they'd be exposed to. (sorry run on sentence )

 

Also, one of the ladies put it very well that their marriage was great and the sex was great and the lifestyle was just something they enjoyed together. They didn't get into it to improve anything in the marriage because it was already a great relationship.

 

I think too many people believe people are in the lifestyle to spice up a dead sex life or to be able to legally cheat so it was nice to hear her comment on TV.

[jim-n-nicole 15]

I'm almost never home at 4 PM but I was today and loons clued me in that the show was on, so I watched my first Oprah ever. oR at least the last half of it.

 

I have to say, I expected swingers to be portrayed as freaks, but she did a very nice job of being respectful and asking honest, decent questions in an attempt to better understand. No condemnation of the life at all.

 

I think I see why Oprah is so well liked. Nice job, Oprah.

 

- Jim

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

We actually met the accountant couple that was on the show with Oprah two months ago at a swingers convention in Dallas. Nice people that put a decent slant on the swingers perspective.

 

What really is sad is the bashing swingers are taking over at Oprah's message board by all the "Christians's" over there passing judgement.

[AZ Dreaming 15]

We actually only saw the first part of the interview Oprah did with the couple in the lifestyle (apparently our cable went out for a short period and all we had was black screen on our Tivo). But from what we saw, Oprah did a fine job (much to our surprise!) of just asking questions and letting this nice couple talk without making faces or seeming to pass judgement on them.

 

We truly expected her to roll out a couple who would not be remotely relatable to ordinary folks followed by a couple who's marriage was devastated by swinging followed by the "experts" who could tell us all just how damaging it is. We were surprised how well it came off (as much of it as we were able to see), and were surprised when we came here to see others reaction that it apparently stayed fair to what most of us know is the truth about our lifestyle. We are surprised, but also pleased.....

[hotsummers 15]

We liked it as well. They made several of the main points we would have wanted to them to make as "our" spokespersons. That this is not about fixing a broken marriage it is about loving your SO enough to enjoy THEIR pleasure. I was also pleased that it was compared to the cheating people whose lives were in shambles. And lastly we liked the aspect that it is about honesty and being 100% open with your partner. I'd say that 85%+ of the people out there can not be honest with their SO about fantasies and the things that they might like to do or try. I feel blessed that we can.

[applicant000200 15]

The show was kinda useless...nothing but the ordinary aired..unless that makes it extra-ordinary.

[hot2def 15]

I mean it isn't cheating because it is out in the open, but it is prostitution in a way. No way around it as soon as U begin to compromise the situation into your everyday life you actually become more like everyone else. Prostituting you and your partners bodies, minds, relationships, and morals. It just doesn't make a difference because (swingers) you want it and condone it.

[Couplehavingfun 17]

Oprah did do a good job of staying neutral. I've seen her make more faces, jokes, comments, and innuendos when talking about other topics that she had strong feelings about. I am also glad that she had nice normal people on her show and showed how nice, normal, and educated they are. That said, I am *sure* that she has plenty of friends and/or contacts that swing, and for those she knows about she is smart enough to know that there are others that she doesn't know about and does not want to offend. She had to be politically correct on this one.

[Spoomonkey 421]

hot2def said:

but it is prostitution in a way.

 

Prostitution indicates an exchange of money for services. Swinging involves no money - otherwise I'd walk around with POS terminal for credit cards and one of those little change things on my belt...

 

I am fairly sure that you do not understand the lifestyle in the least. You should read some of the other areas before passing such a ridiculous judgement.

[DandS 15]

We watched the show as well and thought it was portrayed fairly well. I was surprised at how non-judgemental Oprah was and really surprised when she talked about how marriage is changing.

 

Hmmm....but I'm still not ready to come "out" to my friends and family

[BradAndJanet 70]

Wow! I'm really relieved about the show. I kept waiting for the slam, but it never came. We talked about it at the club last night and that was the reaction several others had too. Everybody who saw it was happy with it.

 

Considering what Oprah does for book sales, I expect a lot of new visitors here and at the club. I think that's good.

[NaughtyKatt 15]

I was really impressed with the way the Oprah show was handled as well.

 

I also noticed that here on the board the most users ever online was yesterday. The exposure is bringing more people here. Of course, some of them are just lookie-loos, but I'm sure there are also others genuinely interested in the lifestyle that have come here for answers.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The show was kinda useless...nothing but the ordinary aired..unless that makes it extra-ordinary.

 

I think that alone makes it extra-ordinary. The fact that it was presented openly and honestly in the mainstream in a non-judgemental way.

[curiousagain 326]

JustAskJulie said:

I think that alone makes it extra-ordinary. The fact that it was presented openly and honestly in the mainstream in a non-judgemental way.

 

I was thinking it was going to be bad after watching the segment on cheaters. You know, justifying all of it with "my emotional needs weren't being met" and showing how they were still unhappy, etc. I thought, "What a load of crap and yeah, I hope you're unhappy"

 

But, I thought "Oh no, they will just show the downside of swinging".

 

Got to admit, it could have been much much worse than the way it was presented. I was relieved.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think they presented it in the best way they possible could have on mainstream television.

[NaughtyKatt 15]

JustAskJulie said:

I think that alone makes it extra-ordinary. The fact that it was presented openly and honestly in the mainstream in a non-judgemental way.

 

I agree. I watch Oprah on occasion and she is usually pretty neutral. Although, sometime last year, she totally RIPPED into a woman who had posed for pornographic pics. I was a little worried that she might have the same kind of judgemental reaction to the topic of swinging.

 

I'm so glad that the whole focus of the segment was that swingers are NORMAL people, and that they have strong and fulfilling relationships. No Springer-esque theatrics . . . whew!

 

If the 20/20 segment ever airs, it will be interesting to see what kind position they take.

[windsor4fun2 130]

I have to concur with the rest here that the portrayal was very good. I was concerned that swinging was going to be lumped in with cheating. Instead there was a definite contrast between the cheater's dysfunctional relationships and the open and loving relationships of the swingers.

[wildwife1010 15]

we agree or lifestyle was presented in a very positive light

[intuition897 2,179]

Tom & Bonnie said:

We actually met the accountant couple that was on the show with Oprah two months ago at a swingers convention in Dallas. Nice people that put a decent slant on the swingers perspective.

 

What really is sad is the bashing swingers are taking over at Oprah's message board by all the "Christians" over there passing judgement.

 

I have some advice: Do NOT even visit the message board! I've posted on there several times, and it's nothing but a bash-fest. The so-called 'Christians' on there are like a mad mob that's been fed fresh meat. I replied to so many posts, but I've been ignored, attacked and some of my posts were actually deleted! I am actually a Christian myself, so I was appalled at the kind of judgmental behaviour going on here. I'm in the process of getting the messages I've posted up on my website. When I get it working, if anyone's interested, I'll put the link in here so you can have boo at it. I'm really disappointed and frustrated with the whole thing. Before I visited their message board, I was optimistic that society nowadays is much more open-minded and tolerant of others' chosen lifestyles. I knew not everyone would agree, but I figured they'd just say 'whatever. your life, not mine'. Boy was I wrong. Scary.

[NaughtyKatt 15]

I have some time to kill at work this morning, and I'm reading through the posts on Oprah's message board. There are some wonderful posts from people in the lifestyle, but those judgemental posts are downright scary!! (and so far I'm only through 200 of about 1100 posts)

[Dave_kat 227]

Gosh, I certainly loved being judged by people who do not share my religious beliefs