Identifying ourselves to couples in the vanilla world

[daisy girl 34]

It's too bad we don't have a secret code or symbol so that swingers can identify themselves to other swingers when they are in the vanilla world.

 

My husband and I were having dinner at a local restaurant. We noticed that an attractive couple kept staring at us. I looked up and smiled and instead of turning away, they smiled harder and whispered to each other. We started wondering whether they could be swingers. As they were leaving, she turned, smiled, and paused as if she wanted to approach us. But...they left. They seemed fun and we couldn't help but wonder. By the way, we didn't approach them because, we really didn't want to "out" ourselves without more proof.

 

So...has anyone else had this experience? and how do you know that those little signs may, in fact be due to a couple "checking you out?"

 

n.

 

porttasters on SLS

[pumpkins1970 17]

Well it's too bad we all aren't equiped with swinger's radar, it may come in handy sometime! But seriously, I think the greatest pick-up line in the world may have helped you two out here, "Hi, we're________&__________ , can we buy you two a drink?" Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and even if they weren't swingers, just being friendly and flirtatious is a nice way to spend an evening!

[Thrax 384]

Do a search on the Board on the terms "playdar" and "swingdar" to find similar stories on this topic. But if anyone (especially you new folks) has a story on this issue that hasn't been shared with the Board yet, or has a comment on this situation, please feel free to post it in this thread.

 

Thrax

[The Fuse 1,012]

It's too bad we don't have a secret code or symbol so that swingers can identify themselves to other swingers when they are in the vanilla world.

 

My husband and I were having dinner at a local restaurant. We noticed that an attractive couple kept staring at us. I looked up and smiled and instead of turning away, they smiled harder and whispered to each other. We started wondering whether they could be swingers. As they were leaving, she turned, smiled, and paused as if she wanted to approach us. But...they left. They seemed fun and we couldn't help but wonder. By the way, we didn't approach them because, we really didn't want to "out" ourselves without more proof.

 

So...has anyone else had this experience? and how do you know that those little signs may, in fact be due to a couple "checking you out?"

 

n.

 

porttasters on SLS

How about walking up to them, smiling and saying "Hello, do we know you? We saw you earlier, and thought maybe you knew us."

 

Hey... do I know you?

[starryeyes 23]

We have noticed the same thing. Could you imagine the market for a "swingdar" or maybe even having X-men type powers to find others.

 

All kidding aside, we tend to agree with the "Hi our name is ____ & ____" and see where it goes from there. OR You could send them drink OR even just wave and mouth "hello".

 

Flirting is fun! But you won't know unless you say "Hi", they could know you from your kids school. Nothing says you have to out yourselves... good fun conversation. You might consider them to take the lead after you break the ice by saying HI!

[sinsinbad 15]

It seems like it would be easy to design something people could wear that would be tasteful and beautiful so that "others" would be able to tell that they were into the Lifestyle. This could be earrings, necklace, bracelet, or whatever. This way, when you saw someone wearing this, you would at least know that they were approachable; so that you could go up and start talking to them.

[Boudicca 15]

Dunno if this helps, but in other alternative sexual communities, the colored handkerchief code has been in use for a number of years. A gold-colored bandanna (not yellow, pale yellow, or mustard) worn in the left rear pocket means 2 people looking for 1. Worn in the right rear pocket, it means 1 person looking for 2. Doesn't fit the needs of the swinger community exactly, and not so convenient to be walking around everywhere with a bandanna hanging out of your pocket But interesting, I think.

[Boudicca 15]

Oh, I just discovered (reading my own links) that a red lace hankie means group sex...maybe that's more useful

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

It seems like it would be easy to design something people could wear that would be tasteful and beautiful so that "others" would be able to tell that they were into the Lifestyle. This could be earrings, necklace, bracelet, or whatever. This way, when you saw someone wearing this, you would at least know that they were approachable; so that you could go up and start talking to them.

 

I was just discussing this with She last week. The subject came up because of an old memory surfacing. About 12 years ago I bought an old VW camper that had an interesting bumper sticker which I left in place. My first day at a new job, someone obviously followed me into the parking lot and then came up and introduced himself. He followed this with "I'm a friend of Bill". Which left me completely baffled. After a bit of confusion, it came out that the bumper sticker and the "I'm a friend of Bill" were both recognition symbols for Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

Maybe we could use the number 138? That would be a 4 person 69 daisy chain. Hmmm. Or just a chain of daisies?

[daisy girl 34]

Humm...some interesting thoughts. A swingdar would be very cool. Although...anytime I see someone with a 4 person hot tub, I have to wonder

[R&R 16]

All good suggestions, thanks on behalf of us Newbie's. The same thing happened to us in San Fran last spring, and we wondered how to respond. Even if they refuse the drink, "no harm, no foul!"

 

Renee

[captainbob 30]

Something similar happened to us after I finally convinced my sweetie to meet another couple who advertised on a swinger website. They were from another city and we agreed to meet at a restaurant in a little town about halfway between the cities.

We met them at the table and chatted and ordered drinks and then food. Then more drinks. The owner of the restaurant had been by our table a few times to make sure we were happy with the food, service, etc.

My sweetie went outside for a cigarette and chatted with the owner. He asked her if we were swingers! Apparently, he is too and could tell be our excitement and conversation that we weren't a regular foursome having dinner. He said swingers regularly meet there.

This is probably a good reason why it's a good idea to only meet couple from another city.

[intuition897 2,179]

The owner of the restaurant had been by our table a few times to make sure we were happy with the food, service, etc.

My sweetie went outside for a cigarette and chatted with the owner. He asked her if we were swingers! Apparently, he is too and could tell be our excitement and conversation that we weren't a regular foursome having dinner. He said swingers regularly meet there.

This is probably a good reason why it's a good idea to only meet couple from another city.

 

Well that was rather forward of him.. lol There's actually a restaurant here in Kingston that we noticed set off our playdar big time. It's actually a hotel lounge and we occasionally go there on our own to just hang out over a glass of wine. Mr. intuition recognized a woman that he worked with there with her husband and another couple. Like the restaurant owner, we realized they were speaking Swingerese. It was just so obvious. The coworker hadn't seen Mr. intuition, but when we got up to leave she recognized him. The next day, he ran into her in the hall and, unprompted, she blurted out some excuse about who the other couple was that they were with. Which is kind of weird, since they could've been her sister and brother-in-law for all we knew. Why the frantic excuse?? Hmmm...

[LetsParty 17]

I've often thought about this.

 

Just last Friday, I was waiting in line at the returns counter at Costco. I ended up striking up a great conversation with the woman behind me, and then her husband arrived. Super nice guy.

 

Very good looking couple... Almost too good looking for the vanilla world (LOL! Ever notice how Lifestylers are often thinner, more tanned, take better care of themselves, dress more sexy and pay better attention to their appearance than vanilla people???)

 

I wanted so badly to say something like, "Have I see you guys at Club _____?" or what-have-you, but I didn't have the balls to do that!

 

I also wish there was some kinda symbol/bumper sticker I could stick onto my car that other swingers would know about (but something that my parents wouldn't!!)

 

Who woulda thunk that being in the subculture of the Lifestyle is more stigmatized than being gay nowadays. Go figure!

[intuition897 2,179]

At an amusement park, I was waiting in line with my daughter to go on a ride and struck up a conversation with the couple in line ahead of us. I never know if it's just my imagination and wanting to see other couples who were in the lifestyle, or if it's a legitimate playdar 'ping'. But there was something about this couple that just struck me as more "together" and "awake" than others. I could have been completely wrong, though...

[SuAndBud 23]

Please excuse our ignorance, but what is The Vanilla World and how does it differ to The Lifestyle?

 

But back to the thread:

 

Su and I were in our local pub a few months ago when a couple asked to join our company and struck up a conversation with us.

 

We both noticed how well groomed and attractive they were in addition to there being a sexual aura about them. Similar age to ourselves, he is handsome (so Su says - lol) and fit. She is very pretty with great boobs and a top slashed almost to her navel to emphasise the fact. Both dresses beyond a pub drink standard as do we usually.

 

Our initial topic of conversation centred around our jobs as you might expect and without any warning, they proceeded to tell us a story of how a client of the husband had recently invited them to his house for dinner although he barely knew them at all. They described the client and his wife in much the same terms that we would describe themselves. Smart, attractive, groomed and oozing sexuallity. "Our initial thought was 'swingers'" they said almost in unison. This was so unexpected that Su giggled and I choked whilst sipping my beverage. A pause ensued but was broken when the husband said "We got out of there as soon as we could". But we're not so sure. It was said too quickly, but not before they exchanged disappointed (or are we just kidding ourselves) look. (If only they knew that it was a shock of sheer pleasure, excitement and anticipation - not of horror).

 

We see them quite regularly and always join each other for drinks and conversation. Hindsight is great because had we been prepared for the swinger statement, we'd have said something like "Wow, get them to invite us, too, next time" or "What's their number?", either of which could have been laughed away as a pun if the "getting out of there" remark had still been made.

 

Problem is that they have now become friends and as most here know, approaching friends is the riskiest of moves. Just because it worked for us the once doesn't mean lightning strikes twice. We do have a feeling though that we probably give out an aura as do they and that all four of us are somehow tapping into that.

 

Anyone got any ideas how we could get the subject back to our fave interest since they've all but denied being swingers, now?

 

Or do we try to forget it ever happened?

[prettylady 221]

I know swingers give off a different vibe.

Ok I think they do.

I have always been a sweats and T-shirt girl, hair ALWAYS in a ponytail.

Since Dog told me about swinging and my persuit of learning about it. I have noticed that I do take better care of myself. My hair gets left down more often, I take notice of what I wear, even my gym attire has changed.

I have also noticed guys look and flirt with me more and I flirt back.

Something I never did before looking into this lifestyle. I always feel sexy and when I don't I make a point of changing or doing what I need to inorder to make myself sexy.

So YA we give off a definate vibe, weather we realize it or not.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[SuAndBud 23]

Trouble with a badge or other outward sign would be that pretty soon the tabloid press would hear of it, publish it and make it all but impossible to show it.

 

As someone said before, it's easier, now, to be gay than to be a swinger. We have no problem with gay people our family and friends number some wonderfully beautiful, caring members of the gay community, including a son.

 

We really are fed up, though, of having fun poked (collectively) at us even though those who would point their finger are in all likelihood closet swingers themselves.

 

The media goes from closet to closet in its insatiable desire for sensationalism. Heard a few years ago that Sting and his lady Trudy Styler were swingers. So what exactly is wrong with that, then - assuming it's true?

Or is it OK to be a "deviant" poviding it's in a Bowie/Bolan manner?

 

We are just the next taboo is all.

 

Give us a badge and we would wear it (except we've got kids, so we have to keep it under wraps for their sake) which is exactly just the condition that the media plays on.

 

So sad that people have to suffer sadness in order to be happy.

[gtj-fun 15]

Trouble with a badge or other outward sign would be that pretty soon the tabloid press would hear of it, publish it and make it all but impossible to show it.

 

As someone said before, it's easier, now, to be gay than to be a swinger. We have no problem with gay people our family and friends number some wonderfully beautiful, caring members of the gay community, including a son.

 

We really are fed up, though, of having fun poked (collectively) at us even though those who would point their finger are in all likelihood closet swingers themselves.

 

The media goes from closet to closet in its insatiable desire for sensationalism. Heard a few years ago that Sting and his lady Trudy Styler were swingers. So what exactly is wrong with that, then - assuming it's true?

Or is it OK to be a "deviant" poviding it's in a Bowie/Bolan manner?

 

We are just the next taboo is all.

 

Give us a badge and we would wear it (except we've got kids, so we have to keep it under wraps for their sake) which is exactly just the condition that the media plays on.

 

So sad that people have to suffer sadness in order to be happy.

Just a thought that occured to me as I read this, but maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for the press to "out" swingers collectively. It might take away from some of the secrecy and sensationalism that seems to surround how others view the lifestyle, sort of like Bowie or Mick Jagger and Keith Richards's bi activities were once sensational, but now gay or bi stars hardly rate notice unless they stand out in some other way as well (think kd Lang).

[SuAndBud 23]

Have always thought the term "swinging" is ludicrous anyway. What does it mean? "Swinging". A google or hunt thru your dictionary will cite it as a form of musical expression A la George Melley AKA Jazz Artiste or moving to and fro on the end of a rope. Neither of which turns me on, particularly.

 

Both Su and Bud have had multiple opposite sex partners in bed for sex at the same time. Is that a form of "swinging"?

 

Some "swingers" like their partner to have sex with another without them participating. Is the non-participant swinging as much as the participant?

 

It's so blurry, no wonder folk are confused. Hell We're confused and we're "swingers".

 

Another word for sexual sharing please.!!

 

Hedonists is actually more akin to what we do, surely. Joint Hedonists. JEDONISTS maybe.

 

"Swingers"? Don't mean nothing unless you're in the know. Yuk.

 

None lifestylers will always point and giggle cuz they don't know what we are. Fair play to them cuz neither do we.

[sexywacouple 15]

I think we must agree with the idea that we give off a 'vibe'. Twice recently two separate vanilla friends asked, "Do you guys have an open relationship?" One I outed us to, the other I thought the better of. Now we are left wondering if we should try and bring it up again...? Hmmm...they were both really hot!

[SuAndBud 23]

Hi SexyAwCouple,

 

Did you deny or just bypass the question with the one you "thought better of". Don't quite know how we'd handle being asked outright by vanilla friends (what if they're not so vanilla? What if they're looking to experiment, themselves and pick up our vibes and are seeking some advice?).

 

What was the reaction of the ones you outed yourselves to? Did they just say "thought you might be" and leave it or did they proceed to tear your clothes off? lol.

 

This could be an interesting Thread if it hasn't already been covered.

[daisy girl 34]

Interesting...swingers must give off a vibe. Before we were swingers, we had friends ask us if we were swingers. Don't know why...but they just assumed that we were.

[SuAndBud 23]

No-one has brazenly asked us in so many word, but we have "connected" with others that we suspect and feel them to be scrutinising us too.

 

Depending on who asked, we'd either say "Yes, are you?"; "No, are you?"; "That depends who is asking" (with a smile); "You gotta be in a club to view its membership" (with a smile).