Do you have cyber/phone sex with potential swing partners?

[LFM2 1,482]

I'm just very curious about this... remember we are virgins at this!

 

We were IM'd by another couple near where we live.

 

I was talking with the female of the couple and she was telling me that her husband *loved* cybering or having phone sex with his possible female partners...

 

I am really just wondering... Do any of you guys or gals cyber or have phone sex with wanna be partners???

 

I've never thought cybering or phone sex was even remotely fun... It might be, and I no means want to give the assumption that it isn't -- I have never tried it and I just can't see the merit in it. I just happen to think the real thing just can't be topped.

 

Please, educate me!!

[dayhiker 83]

Well, I've had phone sex quite a few times over the years. If you have good at vocalizing and describing what your imagine would be happing sexual if you were together and the other people is good to, then it can be prett good. I remember one woman had such a sexy moan that that was all I needed to hear from her. Dang, I wonder what ever happened to her! LOL I think she got a new boyfreind after that.

 

its like any skill, it takes some work. If you like learning new skills, then you'll have fun as your fingers/hand do the work.

 

dayhiker

[FlaPlaya561 48]

I enjoy talking on the phone with people that i met online, Most call if they are bored or need help with the pc or stuck on an internet problem. I dont mind helping them, if it turns out to be a hot conversation i'll keep going LOL ..I wont meet anyone with atleast a phone call, anyone feel that way too? I mean if we cant talk on the phone ..what makes then think im gonna have sex with them? Am i right?

[good times 991]

Like a lot of things I think that some people like it and others don't. Can't help convince you it is a good thing because it doesn't interest us in the least. We don't even do internet chat. If someone contacts us wanting to chat or engage in cyber/phone sex we counter that with lets meet somewhere and see if we get along together, if we do then we can do the real thing. So far, everyone that we have declined to chat etc. with has declined to meet which is fine with us. We look at the whole chat/cyber/phone sex request thing as a good indication that we are not compatable.

[Chicup 42]

I'm just very curious about this... remember we are virgins at this!

 

We were IM'd by another couple near where we live.

 

I was talking with the female of the couple and she was telling me that her husband *loved* cybering or having phone sex with his possible female partners...

 

I am really just wondering... Do any of you guys or gals cyber or have phone sex with wanna be partners???

 

I've never thought cybering or phone sex was even remotely fun... It might be, and I no means want to give the assumption that it isn't -- I have never tried it and I just can't see the merit in it. I just happen to think the real thing just can't be topped.

 

Please, educate me!!

 

Are you SURE you were talking to the female half?

 

Honestly phone sex/cyber does little for us, but we would never do it with someone we never met in person reguardless.

[LFM2 1,482]

Are you SURE you were talking to the female half?

 

No, I'm not sure. I just took her(?) word for it. S/He told me they've "been in the lifestyle for over 12 years and that he *loved* to have phone sex and cyber with his new partners."

 

I really don't have a problem speaking to anyone on the phone, but the question caught me off guard and I basically gave them the "Thanks but no thanks" sign-off.

 

We'd never met this couple. S/he found us on us on a personals site and IM'd us. Asked about having phone sex (which just isn't our bag)

 

If others feel differently, to each their own. It's just not the way we want to go about finding another couple. I'd rather meet in person -- see where it goes from there. facelick

 

I'm just wondering if other people put this in their normal repertoire for finding another single or couple?

[rpu3 630]

We don't - I don't even want to chat unless there's a compelling reason to do so (distance, for example). YMMV, but it's just time spent that I probably could have used for more pressing matters (yeah, I know, like looking at the swingers board, but at least I learn something here!)

 

Rebecca

[JP51 40]

Agree with the comment how do you even know it was the female half...have a camera on line? Only only phone sex/web stuff occured after we had been with a couple, and it started out with me helping her fix and install a web camera, add new memory, speakers and a mic, so of course she had to test it out... I know I should have recorded that one for future use...

 

I think the best advice is "lets meet first"...the picture collectors etc, will run at that offer...

[DBL D 120]

Sorry said toooo much.

[DBL D 120]

Fem D wanted me to erase/delete her post...because it showed me in a bad light. She doesn't want anyone to think badly of me. Well, since my reputation, on this board at least, has come across as a pretty selfish man, I have left it on. Oh there are other reasons too. One is that our situation will help someone else understand.

 

I think she makes some valid points...especially when she mentioned that she thought it would be infidelity to do it. I think I would agree with her, except I mentioned that if we were at a party, and I was with someone she didn't know, wouldn't that be the same thing? If I were to have cybersex with someone, I'd want her to know who it was. She has said it holds no interest for her. The subject has been dropped. Now, she feels like she has taken away some private thing by giving her opinion on it. I guess I do feel like I want to do some things in private. Always have. Gets me into trouble though. I have a wonderful wife who now feels like she will never be enough for me. She has said that if it wasn't for the fact that she felt I would leave her, she wouldn't be in the lifestyle at all. This is a very bad impression. I mean why would any of us be swingers if our SO was enough for us? So the question becomes muddled, but I do understand her perspective.

 

Male D

 

Sorry...I did take my post off. And yes I did start swinging because he asked. I felt it would be better for our future to try Swinging, But I have been growing and have started to enjoy some of the people we have been with and hope to be with again.I have to say I did get into it for the wrong reason...but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Fem D

[Mr. Truelove 81]

DBL D,

 

Everyone's relationship is unique. I have seen some other people on this board make points as you have suggested, and thats fine if you are comfortable with it.

 

In my relationship if one of us does something and hides it from the other, there is a little bit of dishonesty there. However, I've done things like that in the past. Heck, I hid the notion of swinging from my wife for quite some time because I was afraid of her reaction if I brought it up. Turns out she fully accepted it! I do from time to time appreciate my privacy. Not so much because I don't want her to know about things, but because I value my individuality. It's hard to explain. I try to let her keep some things to herself as well.

 

Chances are though if you feel a little bit of guilt for hiding something, you should just bring it out in the open anyway in my opinion. I know you erased what you had posted, but I figured I'd chime in anyway.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

As for my opinion on the topic at hand...

 

 

I don't think cybering or phone sex is for me. I'm a very visual person. and even with webcams I would probably prefer face to face contact.

 

Mrs. Truelove's opinion might differ though so I might find myself trying it with her someday. Perhaps she'll offer her opinion on it... ahem.

[EvilMJ 65]

I normally am not one for phone/cyber sex. I have only done it once and that was with a friend I have played with before, with hubby in the room so nothing was hidden. It was just fun. In fact is was probably more funny than fun, he kept teasing me by making a big production of drinking a cold beer (it was a hot night).

 

So no I probably would not do anything like phone or cyber sex unless I knew the people very well, and even then it would be rare.

[intuition897 2,179]

Phone sex would just make me feel like a moron. It just seems so stilted and fake. Scripted. I've never been one for dirty talk anyway. I just can't pull it off. Some people can do it and do it in such a way that it really does raise the heart rate, but I'm just not one of those people.

[avid 134]

It seems like the general consensus here is that phone/cyber sex isn't well liked.

 

I had seldom experimented with it until I met my secondary partner. He lives several hours away, and we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. In that situation, it can be very hot. Oh, he says such wonderful, sexy things...It's our Monday morning tradition to start our day with a shared orgasm.

 

One of my favourite sexy things to do is to send dirty Yahoo messages to my husband's Blackberry as he sits on the commuter train. Poor man, he's not able to stand up after I'm finished with him!

 

I also have a couple of chat friends that I've been known to get a little frisky with, but I think it probably falls in the category of flirting, rather than cyber sex.

 

I think the key (and it's been well said) that there is nothing hidden here. All parties with a vested interest are aware of all activities.

[Mrs. Truelove 16]

I don't think I could see myself doing that with someone that I didn't know very well. If for some reason Mr. Truelove and I were very far way from each other for a long period of time I could see myself doing that with him.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

. If for some reason Mr. Truelove and I were very far way from each other for a long period of time I could see myself doing that with him.

 

Oooh! Sounds fun. Maybe I can convince her that our side by side computers are a "very far away" from one another.

[ohash01 20]

Mr. and I have been talking/seriously flirting with another couple online. I have ZERO problems getting into some hot and heavy "what do you want to do with me?" kind of things while typing, but when it comes to actually vocalizing...I have major issues.

 

I can hardly even tell Mr. what I like/dislike. I mean - I CAN...but it's hard. And when I hear it reverberating in my head it just sounds SO STUPID. Talking dirty is totally out of the question. I do a lot of incoherent mumbling and moaning...but I've never been good at outright SAYING something dirty. Mr., on the other hand, is VERY good at it. I don't know where he gets it, but I want some...

[avid 134]

... when it comes to actually vocalizing...I have major issues.

 

I can hardly even tell Mr. what I like/dislike. I mean - I CAN...but it's hard. And when I hear it reverberating in my head it just sounds SO STUPID. Talking dirty is totally out of the question. I do a lot of incoherent mumbling and moaning...but I've never been good at outright SAYING something dirty.

 

Oh, I so agree!

 

I've had a lot of growth in this area recently, because my lover is SO vocal. He's also really good at getting in my head and knowing what I want. He really encourages me to talk, and sometimes even puts word "in my mouth", so to speak, so that I get more confident in saying what I want.

[ohash01 20]

I hear that. My man has gotten the idea that if he vocalizes what he wants to hear me say, I'll gladly agree. And sometimes I can be like a parrot and repeat what he said because "hey...it didn't sound so silly when he said it".

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

Just a head's up to all those new at the whole chatting thing: Don't believe anything, without a lot of proof. When you're chatting with someone, question everything. Not necessarily to the person, but watch what they say and how they say it. I'd happily bet my next paycheck that the "woman" you were chatting with, telling you how her "husband" liked to etc. was in fact, the man. Either he is single, or he is playing online behind his wife's back. The "couple" (if they are one), aren't swingers, it's simply a man looking for masturbation fodder. There is a slight possibility, it's something worse, and he will end up becoming a stalker, but most likely he's just an internet "one-hander".

 

Never give out enough information online to identify or locate you. Many years ago, I was chatting with a "Peach" followed by some number. I asked if she was from Georgia, and found out Peach was her last name. I pulled out the phone book using the little I knew and found her husbands name, their address and phone number in just a minute or two. We were chatting privately, so I asked: "So, you live at ...?". She was dumbfounded. So I told her how I had found out and why it was a bad idea. Otherwise she was likely to find some stranger on her doorstep.

 

Before giving out your info, it's actually safer to meet in person. Public place, well lighted, plenty of people around. If only the man from the "couple" shows up, call it off, send him packing and make certain he doesn't follow you to your car or home. If everything is on the up and up, then you can give out more info and go on to the next step. Also, never agree to meet just one of the couple (99% will be just the man), unless you've decided to help that part of the couple cheat.

 

When it comes to the internet, a little bit of paranoia isn't enough.

[Mike and Jan 20]

I'm not much for either. Now I do enjoy long and explicit email exchanges though.

 

The third time my wife and I were with another couple, my wife got a call from the man and they had phone sex. She told me about it when I got home from work. It was after we'd met but before we'd had sex with them. I guess I could jot down that experience and post it on the story section, couldn't I?

 

She told me she actually had an orgasm while on the phone.

 

I think that phone call really helped her to relax and enjoy our sexual date with him the next weekend. So, using it to get acquainted 'sexually' might be a real plus with new couples.

 

I'd kill to have a recording of that call now. And, I'd love to have my wife using a speaker phone while having phone sex with someone else while I was attending to her body.

[telly2 15]

why can people not read profiles right, ours is for couples only,and local, as we can really travel as we have young kids, and we keep hearing from single men out of town and basically wanting to cyber or webcam. One was so forward that we had to block him on the second convo because he wanted to play on cam with our kids running around the house. and wouldn't take NO as an answer.

 

How do others deal with these rude pushy people?? i hate to have to block whaelse can you do??

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

How do others deal with these rude pushy people?? i hate to have to block whaelse can you do??

That's what blocking is for. Use it in these cases and don't let those pushy people get to you.

 

If after telling them once they don't get your message. Block them and be done with them.

 

Regarding the opening post and questions:

 

We never do chat with anyone until we have developed a strong relationship with a couple and have met with and played with them a number of times. Even then, chat and IM isn't our thing. They know this, we let them know this from the start, and we communicate through e-mail.

 

I would be very wary of anyone who wants cyber-sex up front. I've done it a couple times with our long-standing couples. But it isn't my thing. When it has happened it just felt right at the time and was never planned. But then, I already had a very good relationship developed with the man and I knew, for sure, that his wife was okay with it.

 

For all the reasons others have mentioned, cyber-sex is just too risky when you don't know who you're dealing with. If you are comfortable with that, it's fine, but you aren't and I think it was good to tell this person you aren't interested. My guess is that they (or he if it's only him) will shut down communicating with you and not even want to meet since you've not given him what he wants. Consider yourselves fortunate if you learn this about him early on.

 

LM

[RW0958 15]

My experiences (as a male) is that I've had phone sex a few times with different women over the years. Twice I initiated and once was when the woman initiated. I'd have to say that it's not my cup of tea. I'd rather meet up for real sex. I don't find phone sex satisfying or personal enough. I would think most women would definitely tell you the same thing based on conversations I've had with several. As far as your question about whether they'd want to meet up with you after phone sex.... I doubt it.... Most swingers don't want artificial sex. :-) Good luck!!

[havefuninsun 122]

I think both are fun in the right context -- if one of us are traveling, we truly enjoy getting each other off over the phone or by chat ... I find it hot as hell. And I have no problem with chats with potential play partners, either ... except it's hard to keep two hands on the keyboard.

 

It's all fun and games.

[m41f45 15]

Fem D I mean why would any of us be swingers if our SO was enough for us?

 

 

My SO is plenty enough for me. We swing for the fun, the excitement and meeting new people. I couldn't imagine turning to swinging if my SO was not enough for me. Hey...you I can't please my man properly, but I'll sit here and watch you fuck him instead? No way Jose. That sounds like more of a maritial/relationship problem solved with talking/therapy than turning to swinging. But that's just my opinion.

 

B