First Swing experience. Alot of damage done!

[Charger500 30]

Well even if the OP is gone I think we can all learn something here...I've learned to be sure I hire a responsible baby sitter!

[want2knowmore 15]

Okay I read through and I have an Outsider question. Why isn't the Experianced Couple responsible too? Yes they were set up but I would think at some point they knew something wasn't right, well at least the male 1/2. Are they not also accountable to some degree?

 

Sorry if this seems like trolling but not being involved (yet) made me wonder.

[sereneiders 263]

Okay I read through and I have an Outsider question. Why isn't the Experianced Couple responsible too? Yes they were set up but I would think at some point they knew something wasn't right, well at least the male 1/2. Are they not also accountable to some degree?

 

Sorry if this seems like trolling but not being involved (yet) made me wonder.

 

Yes, IF we give for granted that couple wasn't mislead, I'd agree. Anyway, it'd be a thin favor to help the OP blame on them when, for sure, there was so many things she's responsible for (and eventually, her husband too, but again, the husband isn't the one asking for advice).

 

So, it'd be irrelevant: the other couple isn't here, we have only this version of the events, and se may subject it's biased enough as to help her keep blaming on her husband (which clearly was her objective from the very begining) or on other people. Since she exposed herself as being so manipulative, I refuse to give her enough credit as to comment about this other couple supposed behavior.

[C & J Ohio 15]

The experience you describe is quite typical in swinging. I would be surprised if a couple who had been in the lifestyle for any length of time had not had a similar experience. Only your reaction to it has caused the damage. If your husband had the performance anxiety and you and your play partner had the better sex, you might have felt differently. Over time it happens both ways. Everyone in this lifestyle has had to get over the demon of jealousy. Some can't. Swinging is probably not for you two, but in any case, what your husband did was the opposite of cheating. If you insist on calling what he did cheating, then you will drive him to do exactly that. There is a huge difference.

[want2knowmore 15]

I know my post is based soley on the OP post. I guess I should have worded it more generally and not specific to this post. For know my question is answered

 

Thanks for the insight

[DBL D 120]

Don't be too hard on yourself...lot's of us do the same thing with a long thread. If you need to address something, just let 'er rip, OK?

 

Male D

[want2knowmore 15]

I don't think I am being hard on myself, but thanks just the same. It is just that as I read through some of the other post and threads the common factor seems to be that all the parties involved really need to be on the same page. Granted this would be harder if it was not in the same room.

 

Right now I am good and I apprecite the answers.

[Guest MrsVan]

Lets cut to the chase....the odds that counseling is going to repair your marriage are about the same that you will win the lotto.

 

It sounds to me like you had "issues" before this swap took place. And, while there are two sides to every story, if your story bears any likeness to the truth, your husband is a selfish jerk. How could he miss what a miserable time you were having? Obviously he was more interested in his own satisfaction.

 

Bottom line, you have a serious fracture in this relationship. Bite the bullet, acknowledge the raw truth and make a decision, stay or walk away!

 

Good luck

 

Roman Hands said just what I was going to say but wanted to finish reading the thread first. It does sound as if there were problems prior to this situation and that it could be possible she gave in to save her marriage.

 

I think that everyone in this situation made some wrong choices based on the story that was given...The wife for going into this without wanting to..the husband for not taking his wife's feelings into consideration and continuing to play with the other wife while knowing his wife was not having a good time...the other husband for not stepping up and realizing that neither him and the other wife were getting pleasure out of the situation and that someone needed to approach the others and let them know that he was having issues and everyone needs to take a break....and finally the other wife for not seeing her husband was not enjoying himself and politely saying to the other husband that they needed to stop.

 

As for counceling, I truely hope that this helps you but if your relationship was doomed prior to trying out swinging, then your relationship may already be doomed. I wish you both the best and hope that you can work on your issues. But do not go into the lifestyle without knowing that you are ready to do so. MrVan and I have said since we got into the lifestyle that it has brought us so much closer together (although our relationship was great before, but it is incredible now) but there are some couples that are not meant to be in the lifestyle and if you cannot handle your spouse being with another person, then do not take that step.

 

Everyone posted some great advise and that is why I love this board. You get an honest answer even if your not prepared for it.

 

MrsVan

[DodgeCouple94 15]

I haven't been to this site in over a month. Almost 2 months. I would like to thank everyone who posted a response to my original post about our first and last swing exerience. I realized after this swing experience that our marriage had problems before we did anything with swinging. We are still together and our marriage before the swinging is dead. Maybe the new one is too. We are in marriage couseling weekly and talk alot to each other. I have been learning alot about myself and my husband since this event happened. Take care!

[prettylady 221]

I am glad to hear you are trying to work things out.

Best of luck there.

Long hard road I expect, but the hard is what is going to make it great in the end.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[jsgal31 15]

Well even if the OP is gone I think we can all learn something here...I've learned to be sure I hire a responsible baby sitter!

 

LOL!!!