Swinging and Poly - words

[KittKatt 16]

Hello everyone,

 

Katt here, it's been awhile since we were active on here due to health and a break from swinging.

 

My question is this......Could we possibly start some kind of forum topic for swingers who like the polyamorous lifestyle too?

 

Ok, there are as many different kind of swingers as there are poly's.....we are trying to get our feet wet in the poly lifestyle mixed with swinging more or less.

 

One reason we took a break from swinging was I (the Mrs.) did find it to be fun and all but at least the couples we met....well it was sort of like missionary.....you meet, you hang out, have sex, leave and may see or hear from them again in the next few weeks or so. Too cold for me. Plus I get an extra spark in sex when I actually care for the person. And again the couples we met caring is "limited" to friendship only.

 

So now, with our new goals, we don't really feel like we "fit" in here like we did before.

 

We know there are a lot of poly sites, and have joined a few...but there is the same thing...they don't call it swinging...so is there a way to fit us in or a site that is different?

 

Any suggestions are welcome and thanked for in advance

 

Katt

[Mike and Jan 20]

You are right about there not being a middle-ground between swinging and polyamorous relationships.

 

But I think that there are a lot of couples who are looking for something in between.

 

My wife and I had experiences with five couples years ago and the most enjoyable, for me at least, was with the couple we knew the longest and liked the most.

 

Now I'm not saying that I loved this woman, I'd likely never have married her if we were single and dating, but I just enjoyed her so much in ways other than just the sex.

 

I've heard numerous remarks about swinging and having dates. Well it is dating, together, as a couple. And on vanilla dates, don't you get closer with each other on every new date? So, why wouldn't you in swinging?

 

There's a big difference between (dating and romance), and true lifelong married love. I think the dating and romance (at least flirting) is as enjoyable as the sex itself. And I can certainly see feeling some love for this other partner but it isn't at all the same love you feel for your spouse.

 

And, the longer you know someone the more comfortable you are with them sexually.

 

I could definitely see two couples, living separate marriages and in separate households, but being best friends for a long time and enjoying sexual adventures together as well.

 

There's just not much that two open-minded couples who like each other can't experience. And if the two couples are exclusive with each other then it sure makes for a safer environment, doesn't it? Now isn't that a lot of what swinging is about? Experiencing things that a couple just can't alone?

 

Now, would this be called swinging or polyamorous? I'd guess that both communities would say the other.

 

Imagine though the potential for each of the four to experience foursomes, threesomes of both kinds, and any bisexual activities that are desired in complete safety. Just had a thought..., what a great birthday each could have. Each person could plan exactly what they want for their day!

 

And as, known, longtime friends it won't be at all suspicious to take vacations together or spend time at each others homes. Family and other friends would never know about your real friendships if you use common sense in your own community.

 

Sounds like a nice arrangement and lifestyle (whichever category) to me.

 

Good luck to you both and I hope you find that other lucky couple.

[WesternSwing 504]

I feel there really are the two distinct schools of thought on this: some swingers that freak-out at the mention of any emotions whatsoever and some polys that would never call themselves swingers. Yet these two groups also coincide sometimes. It's like two circles just barely overlapping, you have swingers on one side and polys on the other, and a select few overlap. What some swingers do may be closer to poly and what some polys do may be closer to swinging.

 

I feel that Mrs. WS and I fit into the overlap area. We don't carry-on poly relationships with everybody we swing with, but it has happened once or twice in the past. And this relationship served its purpose well at the time.

 

But some swingers are afraid to go there emotionally and some polys are afraid of what they perceive the stigma of being "swingers". The fact is that there is a big group of cross-overs and they are just as right in what they do as the two separate groups are in their respective worlds.

 

This was the topic of another thread Loving your swinging partner recently, and you can see the distinct opinions there.

 

I fully understand where you are coming from, and I believe there is a huge group of swingers out there that are looking for a little something more then just a quick screw. A group that a relationship like what Mike an Jan refer to, which can be very good indeed.

 

Mr. WS

[KittKatt 16]

Mike and Jan said:

You are right about there not being a middle-ground between swinging and polymorous relationships.

 

But I think that there are a lot of couples who are looking for something in between.

 

Thank you Mike and Jan, it's very enlightening to hear we aren't "alone" in our ways of thinking and feeling. We aren't "looking" for love per-say, but if it happens, it's a huge bonus in our life as a couple.

 

 

Mike and Jan said:

I could definitely see two couples, living separate marriages and in separate households, but being best friends for a long time and enjoying sexual adventures together as well.

 

That would be wonderful, especially if they lived next door , but we are also open to singles here, for the reason that so far that is whom I developed these feelings for.....a man who was our first swinging partner, and almost invited to move in with us.....an ex-girlfriend of my husbands. I think that with couples like you said, it would be awesome, but it's so hard to find that kind of connection just for sex, much less more...that getting that 4way spark going is difficult to say the least.

 

 

Mike and Jan said:

Sounds like a nice arrangement and lifestyle (whichever category) to me.

 

It sounds nice to us too, and possibly like mentioned above, may even lead to moving in together and extending our family to include them. And yeah I guess the category is floating in the middle , but we think it would still be nice of the 2 wonderful lifestyles that are so open minded to enjoying life, whatever that is to each, to not actually claim to only be one or the other,

 

 

Mike and Jan said:

Good luck to you both and I hope you find that other lucky couple.

 

Thanks again, and we hope to also ! So...is it "Good things come to those who wait" ? Well we'll be here waiting and waiting and waiting etc.... and if it's meant to be ...cool, if not....oh well ...we had a lot of fun trying

 

xoxoxo C

[KittKatt 16]

WesternSwing said:

I feel there really are the two distinct schools of thought on this: some swingers that freak-out at the mention of any emotions whatsoever and some polys that would never call themselves swingers. Yet these two groups also coincide sometimes. It's like two circles just barely overlapping, you have swingers on one side and polys on the other, and a select few overlap. What some swingers do may be closer to poly and what some polys do may be closer to swinging.

 

Hi WesternSwing,

Thanks you for your post. Exactly, and what we see is that each "group" are basically wonderful, open minded people, looking to "add" something that the vanilla life doesn't have.

 

 

WesternSwing said:

I feel that Mrs. WS and I fit into the overlap area. We don't carry-on poly relationships with everybody we swing with, but it has happened once or twice in the past. And this relationship served its purpose well at the time.

 

So true, just as with meeting anyone, the sexual spark may not even be there, much less the possibility for love. And to be open to it, just feels natural to me. The thought of leaving or no longer seeing someone close that we have developed feelings for, well would kinda deter me at least from even starting a friendship.

 

 

WesternSwing said:

But some swingers are afraid to go there emotionally and some polys are afraid of what they perceive the stigma of being "swingers". The fact is that there is a big group of cross-overs and they are just as right in what they do as the two separate groups are in their respective worlds.

 

Yes indeed, we fully agree and wouldn't it be nice though to have a topic in each lifestyle's forums to talk about "our" way of lives? Or better yet, to have everyone just join together in one big happy non-vanilla world

 

 

WesternSwing said:

This was the topic of another thread Loving your swinging partner recently, and you can see the distinct opinions there.

 

Thanks for the link, I posted some answers to his questions, and found the thread to be mostly like any other on the subject, with a few exceptions of people with less restrictions, and not threatened by the possibility of love. We understand it's not for everyone, and we would never judge either side for their views or rules. To each their own

 

 

WesternSwing said:

I fully understand where you are coming from, and I believe there is a huge group of swingers out there that are looking for a little something more then just a quick screw. A group that a relationship like what Mike an Jan refer to, which can be very good indeed.

Mr. WS

 

Yeah, a quick screw just doesn't do much for me, the husband is an entire different opinion there But then again he is intrigued by the options now available as am I . But it is nice to know that others are mid-way floaters as we, so thank you for being honest.

 

xoxoxo C

[Chicup 42]

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a positive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

 

I figured a poly relationship would be more 'equal' in terms of love etc. More like a group marriage, but from the comments here it seems a lot of polys break up after a time. The feeling I'm getting is that its more like 'really good friends who fuck' than a true group marriage.

 

I guess I felt a poly relationship would be a long lasting one, much like a conventional marriage should be.

[Amanda69 24]

Again it all depends on what you want and what others are willing to agree to...however a poly couple is not likely to be attending or maybe they do...swing parties and switching partners (multiply)...

 

They really are two different types of lifestyles...the one is primarily about the acceptance of humans being sexual and sticking to one partner or the attempt to can just cause unnecessary heartache.

 

While the other is about finding other partners to love and bring into your relationship, short or long term...

 

They seem to be mutually exclusive of the other...

[KittKatt 16]

Chicup said:

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a positive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

 

I figured a poly relationship would be more 'equal' in terms of love etc. More like a group marriage, but from the comments here it seems a lot of polys break up after a time. The feeling I'm getting is that its more like 'really good friends who fuck' than a true group marriage.

 

I guess I felt a poly relationship would be a long lasting one, much like a conventional marriage should be.

 

Hi Chicup, I just wanted to say on our part that we also feel they would be equal and long lasting, otherwise we wouldn't consider extending our home and family with them.

 

As far as most seem to be this or that or end in a certain way...well, it really seems that's a chance taken with any and all relationships, friendships or otherwise. But it's a chance "we" are willing to take to find that happiness of truly "loving more" and finding "true" friends and lovers

 

xoxoxo C

[taomaster 15]

Chicup said:

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a positive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

 

Here is a good article that sheds some light on different kinds of "open" relationships.

[WesternSwing 504]

Chicup said:

Now as a non-poly, but someone who has thought of it in a positive light and could see us doing it under the right circumstances I'm a bit confused on one point.

 

I figured a poly relationship would be more 'equal' in terms of love etc. More like a group marriage, but from the comments here it seems a lot of polys break up after a time. The feeling I'm getting is that its more like 'really good friends who fuck' than a true group marriage.

 

I guess I felt a poly relationship would be a long lasting one, much like a conventional marriage should be.

 

I always thought the same, too. But as Mrs. WS and I have delved deeper into the poly lifestyle because of many of our poly friends we have found that there seems to be a primary relationship (just like in swinging) and then the added person, who never really is on the same level as the primary partner.

 

We've seen many polys go through several boyfriend/girlfriend situations. They tend to label themselves as polys though because these are not emotionless sex, but rather relationships with real feelings of caring. Whether you could label it the same kind of love as we feel for our spouse (or they do) is a different matter and open to allot of discussion, but there definitely is passion beyond lust there.

 

I would say that as far as Mrs. WS and I go poly, that is it. We have no aspirations to have someone move in (yeah, explain that one to the 15-year old ), but that doesn't mean that we haven't developed a real relationship with a single; a relationship where we both are friends with this person and have played together as well as one of us separate.

[jcbicouple 24]

We certainly don't fit into the poly category, but don't fit the typical idea of a swinging couple either. Over the years, our comfort level and interests have changed. In the past couple of years, we have begun to play separately on occasion, and Mrs. JC has been meeting with a guy on a fairly regular basis over the last few months. While she certainly isn't "in love" with him, and we have no desire or intention to make him a permanent part of our life, or have him move in, Mrs. JC does care about him, and talks with him more than most people she knows. We see this gentleman on occasion when we go out, but have never played with him as a couple. Mr. JC has a female acquaintance that he has become very close to. The relationship is different than his relationship with friends. Although there has been nothing more sexual than a single kiss on one occasion, and the occasional hug, there is a strong sexual attraction, and an emotional bond. There are some business and personal reasons keeping this from being a sexual relationship. If those were not there, the situation would be much the same as Mrs. JC's situation. As with Mrs. JC, he is not "in love", but cares very much for this individual. I guess this puts us in that fringe category.

[KittKatt 16]

Thank you all for your honest comments, we are all different, and that's what makes us the same

[annebobl 15]

I have seen poly couple on Real Sex. It looked great, with real caring. It may be a man's dream, but do women really want it? In general, I mean. Wouldn't they feel too threatened, too disposable?

[WesternSwing 504]

Of course, annebobl, you are assuming it is another woman being introduced into the relationship.

[KittKatt 16]

Here's some links to all the poly terms definitions:

 

this one clearly is poly vs. swinging : Polyamory vs Swinging

 

a lot of the standard questions asked are here:

 

Contents Polyamory

 

Polygamy | Apologetics Index

 

this one just has clear definitions:

Polygny is the condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.

 

Polygandry is the condition or practice of having more than one husband at one time.

 

Polygamy is a “marriage in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time .”

 

The term plural marriage is used as a synonym for any of the above.

 

The term polyamory refers to an intimate, romantic relationship that involves more than two people - with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

 

Bigamy is “the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another.” .

 

 

For us is simply this: we are open to one another to swing, to share and in that we are not worried of being replaced. As in all relationships, we never know if "love" will happen, but we are open to it if it does, not to get a divorce as monogamy would have it, but to love more than one.

 

xoxoxoTnC

[Ssugarlips 16]

I have enjoyed the two threads currently talking about swinging and polyamory. My husband and I have both had emotional connections to our partners. In addition to the sex, a rare few have been integrated into our daily lives.

 

My husband is more willing to experience other partners based only on momentary sexual chemistry; he has my blessing to pursue that interest after I meet her. For me,

I need personality, chemistry and the possibility of a more lasting connection.

 

I have two lovers currently - one of 4 years, the other 1 1/2 years. The latter lover is part of our regular social life as well as his college-aged children. The sex is incredible but the close-knit friendship between him, my husband, and me is what keeps us happy. The lover of 4 years lives too far away to participate in our regular social life, but we keep in touch via email and phone about our lives outside of our sexual relationship.

 

My husband's current partner is a delightful woman who is single and experimenting with her new found sexual desires. She doesn't want a boyfriend; she wants sexual adventure. As a result, she's enjoyed my husband's sexual talents as well as being included in a foursome with me and one of my guys.

 

I've never felt completely comfortable with either label, though if pressed, I always said I leaned more to the polyamorous crowd. My husband identifies more on the swinger side. We both know that our commitment to each other as life-partners is unshakable. We've been married 30+ years.

[chicagocpl40 15]

We are all for it, we have been on both sides of the fence. It is a wonderful side of this lifestyle. Would do it again with the right women.

 

Ann

[Tybee Swing 286]

Coming up with definitions of swing/poly crossover seems like quite a challenge. I'm sure the styles vary a great deal. One feature I've noticed among crossovers seems to be that they do have their own partner as their #1 priority relationship. Poly definitions I've read seem to say that no love is over the other, they're all equals (like the way we should love all our children). I may not be interpreting this quite right, but that was my impression. A lot of the crossover folks seem to be more swinger in that they consider their primary partner and relationship as #1, while still allowing for development of feelings with others.

 

If this is true (swing/poly people, feel free to comment), then this could be one example of a definition of the crossover community. That's just one example.

 

I wonder if there are any swing/poly crossover-friendly forums anywhere else? Poly materials I've seen appear to differentiate polys from swinging pretty strongly, not wanting to be associated with swinging. If crossover-friendly forums are rare or non-existent on the 'net, it seems like a real opportunity to offer something for the many people who feel they are crossovers.

[jon0468 16]

When I joined this site, it was because we were considering swinging. My profile or intro had mentioned my wife had found a male partner. Well, as we have evolved, we have found that what my wife is, is in love with this guy, I do know him btw, and she wants us both, as partners. I'm open, I'm dealing, we are both on new and shaky ground.

 

[Ssugarlips 16]

An interesting combination if nothing else.

 

https://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=45164

[WesternSwing 504]

Coming up with definitions of swing/poly crossover seems like quite a challenge. I'm sure the styles vary a great deal. One feature I've noticed among crossovers seems to be that they do have their own partner as their #1 priority relationship. Poly definitions I've read seem to say that no love is over the other, they're all equals (like the way we should love all our children). I may not be interpreting this quite right, but that was my impression. A lot of the crossover folks seem to be more swinger in that they consider their primary partner and relationship as #1, while still allowing for development of feelings with others.

 

If this is true (swing/poly people, feel free to comment), then this could be one example of a definition of the crossover community. That's just one example.

You are interpreting this correct, however being involved in the poly community in our area we have observed that in almost all cases there is one love over the other. Whether it is a married couple adding a third, or three or four unmarried people forming a relationship, there almost always, without exception, appears to be a primary relationship and the third that makes it "polyamorous". When there is a break-up 99% of the time the primary couple stay together and the introduced third person in the couple is the one to go. With the exception of one incidence we know of, this has always been the case. Even in that case what appeared to be the primary two were not married to begin with.

 

So, it would seem that no matter how much many polys would want you to believe that one love or bond isn't stronger then the other, it almost always is. No matter how much some polys for one reason or another try to separate and differentiate themselves from swingers, there is a huge gray area they are not recognizing, either from disdain, ignorance, or fear.

 

It's amazing how much some that proclaim to be so open-minded and are involved in alternative lifestyles themselves can have so little tolerance for other lifestyles. We witnessed this first hand at a swingers party at an "alternative" club last month. One night a month this club hosts a swingers-only night and is closed to the public, but during the rest of month there are many other activities and bands that play there in other alternative lifestyles, like Goth and others. We were sitting out on the deck and a Goth gay employee of a local store our skater kids frequent was high-tailing it to the parking lot. Mrs. WS joking said "Hey, what are you doing here?" over the deck rail... he turned to her and indignantly responded "Running... Scared." Yeah, so the gay Goth guy is judging us... The point of the story? I think some polys do the same. Although in our experience, the majority would be considered "swinger-friendly" since many do seem to "swing" between serious relationships, whether they want to call such or not.

 

Mr. WS

[Tempest419 15]

As a "former swinger" (for 3 months) who was here last year and not greeted with much ado or information about the crossover between poly and swinging, I find this thread ironic but inevitable.

 

I identified very much with the idea of having more than casual sex, yet not having someone replacing me in my husband's eyes. I think there are a lot of women who feel that way. Casual sex with people I don't care much about never appealed to me and I think this poll and thread show that many others have a similar attitude... I said back then and still maintain that the best sex is always with someone with whom you are familiar and comfortable... otherwise, sex with our spouses wouldn't still be tops despite swinging, right?

 

Any discerning adult will be able to tell the difference and not be confused about having this as a topic here. Quite frankly I would've felt much more welcome and not so weird if this topic had at least been recognized and covered. It really felt like I was getting the shaft (no pun intended) from both sides of the fence b/c I didn't completely fit into either. It is never any fun to feel as the "odd (wo)man out"! My vote is yes, please add it somewhere to the boards. There is no such thing as too much information.

[intuition897 2,179]

We all had to decide with our partners whether or not swinging was right for our marriage. Some of us said yes, others said no, we like things the way they are. Inevitably, people have to deal with the growing friendships - or at least the noticeable emptiness in their sexual dealings - with other swingers. For some, that emptiness is okay, because it only emphasizes the fullness of their relationship with their spouse. This is like the "vanilla" side of swinging. Then there's the non-vanilla side which likes the idea of welcoming others, not only into their beds, but into their lives. We're not quite there yet, but Mr. intuition and I can understand how that would be a nice addition...if you find the right person/people.

 

We'd love to be able to find a small circle of a few close friends. The kinds of friends that you DO call up when things happen in your life. They know your last names. They care that that your mother is sick. They get a phone call when your kid takes his first step. They call you to come over for a BBQ tonight. Bring beer, eh? They call you again and ask you for that recipe for sweet & sour sauce. You hear the other person in the background hollering at the kids to stop kicking the damn soccer ball in the house!

 

You know? Real live people. We all know that these lives exist, because no one lives the "perfect" life that you see when you go out to a club or out on a meet-up with a new couple. This is their "date-face", and we all try to put our best foot forward. But I'm a person who does crave genuineness. I dislike the stress of having to do that "cocktail party" chit-chat. I just want real good friends who aren't afraid to let the friendship past the bedroom door.

 

Is this polyamory? I don't know. I don't care. As WS said, it seems to be in that overlapping area. A slim ledge of middle ground, but it sounds pretty good to me.

 

I think we do need to address the issue, and use the forum to explain exactly how and why it's not the same as traditional swinging. Avoiding the issue and leaving it undefined in the dark won't remove the preconceived notions people have about it. We have, it seems, quite a few boardies who are either poly or open to polyamory, and this gives them a place to explain their choices to others, to discuss, and to offer advice to those struggling with a poly problem. It could be an eye-opener to those who are NOT open to it, too.

[KittKatt 16]

 

Well, this thread has at least made "us" realize that we aren't as different or alone as we once thought. Thank you all so much for your honesty!!

 

xoxoxoxo TnC

[appleblossoms20 16]

Hi. We are 25 years married and had one exclusive/polyamory relationship a few years ago that has since ended unpleasantly.

 

We are presently in another exclusive relationship and I find myself oscillating on certain issues and I would love to have a forum/friend to bounce things off of.

[JP51 40]

Ditto. Having just got off the phone with my "second wife"...she is driving the boys back from a visit to grand parents house. Called me because she knew I would be able to talk and she could vent about her "mother" lol. And she needed me to tell her how to set up voice and hands free dialing on her cell phone. So life goes on...we are lucky in finding this relationship...going to be of great interest when we all go to Desire in Oct... to see what the "rules" are going to be among the 4 of us... we have established one rule already (the ladies came up with it) depend on who you are with at the time, the other person must agree that it is ok, or no play... and we are going to go see Caludia for the couples massage...funny how we paired up...me and my second, them, then the girls...lol...I have to love my life.

[janaandjames 24]

annebobl said:

I have seen poly couple on Real Sex. It looked great, with real caring. It may be a man's dream, but do women really want it? In general, I mean. Wouldn't they feel too threatened, too disposable?

 

We are experimenting in this area, but in our case, I now have two men

 

Hubby is the primary, but I also have another, that has come to mean a lot to me. For a long time he was a regular threesome partner ... but since then I've started seeing him one on one - with hubby's permission of course. He even sleeps over at times

 

Hubby is primary because he is my legal husband, but my lover is almost equal in terms of how the relationship really works. I really love them both.

 

jana

[JP51 40]

I have seen poly couple on Real Sex. It looked great, with real caring. It may be a man's dream, but do women really want it? In general, I mean. Wouldn't they feel too threatened, too disposable?

 

Yea, just what I wanted...two honey do lists, etc. Really it like a game of bridge a lot...you have to know all the players and know what they mean when they speak...I am glad the other man and I are always on the same sheet of music...even of the ladies think we are "nuts" at times. The idea of two women in a bed wears off real fast after the third night in a row with no sleep... Surrender

 

had to put some humor into this....it is new for us, but loving two women, it a good thing we all seemed to fall out this way on the same night...when she told me she loved me...my mind went "oh shit", then my wife on the same night said she had feeling for him (love but not the same more than the sexual stuff), I had two "oh, shits" that night. The next morning he and I took off early, before the ladies got up, and went out to scout for dove and have some coffee. He and I talked and confessed to each other that we had deeper feeling for each other spouse (neither of us had acknowledged it to the ladies)...etc...since we had all been married many years, we felt we could give it a try and see where it goes. So we went home, ladies were still in bed, so we had morning coffee in bed with a new mate. So far so good...it does take the some of the daily grind off having others to count on.

 

But looking for it...NOT!

[mick2150 96]

Well now, having been 'lurking' here for quite a while I think it is time for me to walk out of the closet. This poly/swinger thread has me intrigued, enough to break the lurking 'thing'. BTW, I voted for the inclusion of a poly thread - good idea!

 

I am sure that my closet door has a label - is it swing or poly? I am not sure. What I do believe though, is that other than at the extreme left or right of the lifestyle spectrum, there does seem to be a good sized overlap in the middle, and rather than get into a discussion about all that is different, I thought I would suggest an area where there is a great deal of agreement.

 

Consider the following ... Communication, openness, honesty, truthfulness, respect ... most on both sides of the spectrum would agree that if there is to be any non-monagomous activity, then these are the key terms of reference. And I think above all, both poly & swinger are pretty much agreed that the 'don't ask don't tell' group are well in the minority - that is exactly where we don't want to be!

 

Right now I am in the process of trying to heal myself from the effect of my partner/wife ending our marriage of almost 30 yrs. Although an affair wasn't the actual cause of the break-up, I thought the marriage was, and played it to be, monogamous. I shoulder some responsibility - I learned to spell 'open marriage' more than 30 yrs ago - maybe I should have learned to 'communicate better'.)

 

I don't want to make another mistake.

 

BTW ... there are 2 members from Ontario on here, Mississauga & Kingston ... both of your extensive posts I find very interesting.

 

M.

[ohash01 20]

Mr. and I are new swingers...we recently had a disagreement (see "Friends Debate Revisited" post) on whether or not LIKING the people you swing with is okay (and I don't mean being IN LOVE with them...I mean just an general all around "hey...I like them".) We fell in love with each other VERY quickly. Like...within a month of meeting. We've been together 3 years now and are so happy. We are also SO happy about the prospect of swinging. We think we've met "our" couple...but we're taking it slow and are still just chatting online and on the phone and myself and the other F are talking about going shopping soon. Anyway - before I get off topic...

 

I have to admit, that I have a little fear of developing romantic feelings for someone we swing with. Which in itself is confusing because I'm not really AFRAID of it - I just am kind of hoping it doesn't happen. What is a good way to "steel yourself" against that (for lack of a better term)? What do you do if it happens anyway? And a slightly off topic question - I tend to say a lot of "oh baby's" when I'm in the moment...Baby is kind of an endearing term - what do I say instead? Haha. OK - that one may have been dumb.

 

I am one of those people who have A LOT of love to give...physical and emotionally. Am I doomed to failure and heartbreak if we aren't going to be polyamourous?

[WesternSwing 504]

You are not doomed to failure and heartbreak if you are not polyamorous. And you are right, you should not be afraid of feelings that develop for swing partners. It may with some, it simply won't ever be a possibility with others. We can not predict this. The real test is how we deal with it if and when it arises. If you are not scared of it then it will have little effect on the rest of your life and will be a pleasant addition to your present life. If you are predisposed to more emotions then a one-night stand could incur, then you will choke all the fun out of your swinging experiences.

 

My advice. Go out and have fun. Don't worry about what might never happen. And if it does, it sounds like you are grounded enough to not just deal with it, but enjoy it for what it is.

 

Mr. WS

[Pioneer Swinger 16]

Besides myself, Angie (my wife) has been sexually sharing herself with Al (a college classmate for both of us) since September 1978 when we were in college. This includes a four-year period when Al and Angie lived together between my graduation and when she finished grad school and my job required my moving to where Angie and I could get together only a couple of times a year. Now, Al and Angie still get together several times a year... almost 28 years after it all began! Sometimes he visits here, while other times either she'll visit him, or they'll vacation together.