Require the ultimate in discretion

[disturbed 15]

How discrete can you be while swinging?

 

We (me and better half) would not mind a bit of no-holds-barred fun once a month or so, but we must be 100% sure of preserving our identities. We are quite high in the corporate/entrepreneur ladder and are likely to become rather rich and powerful in future.

 

So I ask - what options do we have? Are there clubs that are totally secret - even to the extent of allowing members with face masks or similar? Do any of you know of such places? Is it possible to "hire" a "couple" - you know the way people hire hookers - only in this case a male and a female prostitute are both hired for a session, possibly from some reputed agency. That way the guy and the girl will be duty bound by the laws of the agency to keep this a secret and not sell the story to some cheap magazine or something.

 

If all these don't work, our last option is to find willing swingers/players from amongst our high class friends circle. or maybe go for a monetary contract with a couple or two.

 

Does anyone have any other options?

[Concupiscence 16]

You should attempt to refrain from insulting the other couples here by insinuating that your identity and need for discretion is of greater value than those you interact with in this lifestyle.

[TNT 1,155]

My first thought is ...if you're that worried about being outed, then swinging may not be for you.

 

However, this may be your best bet...

 

our last option is to find willing swingers/players from amongst our high class friends circle.

 

I don't know of any clubs like you have described but, that's not saying that they aren't out there.

 

One thing that you will find is that there are people of all financial classes that swing...even the "rich and powerful".

 

Teresa

[intuition897 2,179]

Forget the monetary thing! If it ever DID come to light, which do you suppose is worse: 1) You're a kinky couple of kids who were experimenting with a threesome (or whatever), or 2) You paid prostitutes to have group sex with you and your wife.

 

I would recommend doing some homework and looking up reputable, high-class clubs in a neighbouring state. The odds of running into someone you know are extremely small, and even if you do...well what the hell were they doing there?? Another option is a house party. The crowd is smaller, more intimate and more exclusive. Odds of running into familiar faces are even lower. And I think (although I'm not sure) that some house party hosts will make the guest list available to you before-hand, to ensure compatibility and avoid the kind of drama you're trying to avoid. The catch is that you need to make your profile/photo/info available to the other guests as well. Fair's fair.

 

The other option is simply posting an ad on a site like Swinglifestyle.com (SLS). You can include photos, but blur the faces/identifying features or shoot the photo in such a way that the face is obscured (using a hat, turning the head, etc). My avatar is an example of some creative cropping. If you absolutely do NOT want to post a photo, explain your need for absolute discretion in your ad, and that any emails that do not have a face picture attached will go unanswered. It cuts down the crowd somewhat, because many people search only profiles that include pictures. Including a picture of ANYthing is better than nothing, IMO. Except dick pics. Don't post those. Or the extreme close-up pussy pics. Yeesh.

 

Having to be discrete sucks big time. But unfortunately people have a real problem just living and letting live. You'll probably find that, while you'll certainly run into your share of jackasses who have no business swinging, most people in the lifestyle are fairly honest and decent. Treat them right, and they'll treat you right. And the paranoia about discretion will fade a bit. You'll be in a restaurant, meeting a potential play-couple, when in walks someone from work (we've had this happen). Under your breath, you ask the play-couple to just play along, then you greet your co-worker and his wife and introduce them to your friends from [the opposite side of the continent, out of town, etc.]. They could be your former neighbours, your cousin's brother-in-law, a childhood friend that you've lost touch with for years and you're just catching up... They only know what you tell them. If you blurt out, "These are...um...my...neighbour's cousin's brother-in-law and his wife. They absolutely are NOT swingers!" you're screwed. I actually met my boss and her husband while we were out one night!

 

Good luck to you! And welcome to the board.

[disturbed 15]

Concupiscence said:

You should attempt to refrain from insulting the other couples here by insinuating that your identity and need for discretion is of greater value than those you interact with in this lifestyle.

I insinuated no such thing. Just pointed out that a lot more is at stake here. For example, if someone else gets found out that couple may lose their job. For me, the stock prices of my company may come down. totally different scales. Please try to empathize - if you were in my position, worth many millions and with a company to your name, you would feel similarly scared at the possibility of exposure. Yet, rich or not, me and my wife are no less or more human in our emotions and physical needs.

[disturbed 15]

TNT said:

One thing that you will find is that there are people of all financial classes that swing...even the "rich and powerful".

 

Teresa

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

Pls understsnd that I am not trying to pull rank here. Just so happens that in the next 5-10 years I am likely to be inducted into the board of directors of many companies. Maybe be nominated for some government body as well.

[disturbed 15]

intuition897 said:

Forget the monetary thing! If it ever DID come to light, which do you suppose is worse: 1) You're a kinky couple of kids who were experimenting with a threesome (or whatever), or 2) You paid prostitutes to have group sex with you and your wife.

 

I would recommend doing some homework and looking up reputable, high-class clubs in a neighbouring state. The odds of running into someone you know are extremely small, and even if you do...well what the hell were they doing there?? Another option is a house party. The crowd is smaller, more intimate and more exclusive. Odds of running into familiar faces are even lower. And I think (although I'm not sure) that some house party hosts will make the guest list available to you before-hand, to ensure compatibility and avoid the kind of drama you're trying to avoid. The catch is that you need to make your profile/photo/info available to the other guests as well. Fair's fair.

 

The other option is simply posting an ad on a site like Swinglifestyle.com (SLS). You can include photos, but blur the faces/identifying features or shoot the photo in such a way that the face is obscured (using a hat, turning the head, etc). My avatar is an example of some creative cropping. If you absolutely do NOT want to post a photo, explain your need for absolute discretion in your ad, and that any emails that do not have a face picture attached will go unanswered. It cuts down the crowd somewhat, because many people search only profiles that include pictures. Including a picture of ANYthing is better than nothing, IMO. Except dick pics. Don't post those. Or the extreme close-up pussy pics. Yeesh.

 

Having to be discrete sucks big time. But unfortunately people have a real problem just living and letting live. You'll probably find that, while you'll certainly run into your share of jackasses who have no business swinging, most people in the lifestyle are fairly honest and decent. Treat them right, and they'll treat you right. And the paranoia about discretion will fade a bit. You'll be in a restaurant, meeting a potential play-couple, when in walks someone from work (we've had this happen). Under your breath, you ask the play-couple to just play along, then you greet your co-worker and his wife and introduce them to your friends from [the opposite side of the continent, out of town, etc.]. They could be your former neighbours, your cousin's brother-in-law, a childhood friend that you've lost touch with for years and you're just catching up... They only know what you tell them. If you blurt out, "These are...um...my...neighbour's cousin's brother-in-law and his wife. They absolutely are NOT swingers!" you're screwed. I actually met my boss and her husband while we were out one night!

 

Good luck to you! And welcome to the board.

Thanks very much for the welcome and the well thought of reply. You have made a lot of valid points - I won't reply to your post just yet, maybe after giving them some thought. The house party idea is good though. We dont want to become swingers really who would go to clubs and pick up a different set of people for every session. more like have a group of 6 (IE. 3 couples) trusted people - preferably with similar reputation as us at stake (that way they would have as much at stake as us and would never think of "leaking" to some news paper or something). We are also trying to contact very high profile clubs - I am sure they have received queries from people in similar predicament as ourselves - and maybe could hook us up. But thanks again for the reply.

[disturbed 15]

I would imagine you will be surprised by the availability and discretion that you will encounter..

 

I certainly do not doubt the level of discretion and the desire to remain secret amongst swingers. But please understand that others have a chance to "sell the story" or "leak the pictures" to some newspaper in our case and make a few hundred thousand USD, if not more. We can gladly pay that kind of money - as long as they are legally bound to keep shut. What we cant afford is being "outed".

[Concupiscence 16]

There are some things that simply do not ring true. Despite my reservations there is no requirement for you to prove anything. Feel free to ignore my distrust of your intentions for coming to this board. There are many wonderful people here who are incredibly helpful and generous with their time.

[Mike and Jan 20]

You just need to find folks who have the same risk of exposure as yourselves. (As much to lose)

 

But, also, keep in mind that that same risk factor could change with a divorce or other variables.

 

We all know that there are high profile couples who swing. And sometimes, like the congressman who was married to the gal from Star Trek, even they get exposed.

[disturbed 15]

Thanks for the opinion.

 

I just wish some enterprising person would cash in on this niche market and start a swing club exclusively to cater to the needs of "big risk/fear of exposure" types. Only people who themselves have a lot to lose reputation wise as well as financially, can participate lol. Or maybe there already are such clubs and societies like that "split wide open" type, which we don't know of.

 

As a last ditch effort, we were thinking of swinging in lifelike masks or joining some kind of masked sex-party. I guess everything in life, even money and a bit of reputation, comes for a price.

[Charger500 30]

I work at one of those places that suck out porta potties. So being at the rock bottom of the totem pole does have it's advantages!

 

Actually, my real advice is if your worried about your career then swinging isn't worth it, just take up golf or something with your wife. Ask your self, (if what you say about being rich is correct) is a night of sex really worth $5 million or so? If you think it IS then I'd say something is seriously wrong and you need counseling.

 

Not being mean, just to the point

 

Good luck!

[Spoomonkey 421]

I've been amazed at the "money" I've met in the lifestyle - and the people of position with plenty to lose if they were discovered...

 

And the only person I have ever seen "outed"? A teacher.

 

Your risk is not unique - as much as you would like to think it is.

 

Swinging isn't for the paranoid.

[disturbed 15]

Charger500 said:

I work at one of those places that suck out porta potties. So being at the rock bottom of the totem pole does have it's advantages!

 

Actually, my real advice is if your worried about your career then swinging isn't worth it, just take up golf or something with your wife. Ask your self, (if what you say about being rich is correct) is a night of sex really worth $5 million or so? If you think it IS then I'd say something is seriously wrong and you need counseling.

 

Not being mean, just to the point

 

Good luck!

Well, it gets boring, just between the two of us.

 

As for the money, how much do you think would the share prices of a middle level company plummet, if a scandal about its top guy hit the news?

[disturbed 15]

Spoomonkey said:

Your risk is not unique - as much as you would like to think it is.

I hope so.

 

Does anyone have any experience of inviting or getting invited to a house party. Only invited people allowed to turn up. This scheme seems somewhat more secure, better than going to clubs.

[EvilMJ 65]

disturbed said:

I hope so.

 

Does anyone have any experience of inviting or getting invited to a house party. Only invited people allowed to turn up. This scheme seems somewhat more secure, better than going to clubs.

 

Yes I do.

 

We occasionally go to a house party that requires you to be on their list, meet the host first and secrecy is expected. A guest list is posted, however real names are not used, they use the profile names you give them, much like the names used here on the board. However this does not make it any more secure than clubs. They cannot force people to keep quiet when they leave, especially if they learn who you are. Discretion is expected but you are not to get any guarantee.

 

Same goes with the clubs. Although I personally enjoy the club we attend, it is a monthly dance held at a hotel. The higher end clubs are no doubt much more discrete and would probably be worth the investigation

 

Unfortunately in this lifestyle there is always a risk, you can never be 100% sure that you are not going to be outed. This is especially dangerous when you are in a position that puts you under public scrutiny on a regular basis. I sometimes find it difficult as a family member does hold a very public job, and they could take some flack if I was found out. So we try to take precautions such as not using our real names (unless we have become good friends with people).

 

I am happy to say though, in the years that we have been swinging, no one has 'outed' us, I think most people are in the same boat in that they prize their secrecy as much as we do.

[JP51 40]

I sent you a private message on the topic....it can be done. Put it this way...I have been there and still have the same issues. Public disclosure would not be good.

[disturbed 15]

EvilMJ said:

However this does not make it any more secure than clubs. They cannot force people to keep quiet when they leave, especially if they learn who you are.

That's the problem.

 

I think our options are now limited to

 

1) working on that last line...what if they DON'T learn who we are ....masks could be the answer.

2) or finding a few like-minded people of similar er..."risk".

 

Thanks again.

[disturbed 15]

I sent you a private message on the topic....it can be done. Put it this way...I have been there and still have the same issues. Public disclosure would not be good.

Thanks very much for the message. And I replied too.

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

I too have some experience, call it the classic painting of Good girl-Bad Boy.

 

Short and sweet advice:

 

Blend in

Lose the "Net worth" mentality

become "normal" in thought, attire, accessories.

Attend clubs your peers would not

travel to clubs you are not known by sight

and are out of your residential vicinity

 

TO THE REST OF THE BOARD REGULARS: This is deceitful, I feel I owe you an apology, however please realize sometimes it is a necessary evil and in everyone's best interests to keep the unknown exactly that, unknown.

[JP51 40]

ANGEDKY(mr) said:

TO THE REST OF THE BOARD REGULARS: This is deceitful, I feel I owe you an apology, however please realize sometimes it is a necessary evil and in everyone's best interests to keep the unknown exactly that, unknown.

 

Agree, that is why I went private. Some people would take advantage of having some information about me that frankly needs to be keep private, well at least until I retire and write the book. Glad the saying what "happens in Vegas stay's in Vegas" does not apply to Washington D.C....

[havefuninsun 122]

disturbed said:

I just wish some enterprising person would cash in on this niche' market and start a swing club exclusively to cater to the needs of "big risk/fear of exposure" types.

 

Seems to me maybe you just found yourself your next big entrepreneurial venture!! Good luck with that!!

 

We too worry about discretion. We've never run into a couple that hasn't. Like one couple has said in their profile "we really don't want to have 'that talk' with our mothers," we all pretty much feel our business is our own. I don't know if I'd actually lose my job if I were "outed," but there certainly would be a lot of talking about me that could hinder my upward mobility. And that would suck.

 

As many have said, only you can weigh the risks. I assume you have a wonderful relationship with your wife if you both are even considering swinging. If the risk of being outed are too great, I think it's wonderful you at least have the wonderful relationship with your wife as you do.

[Chicup 42]

Thanks for the opinion.

 

I just wish some enterprising person would cash in on this niche' market and start a swing club exclusively to cater to the needs of "big risk/fear of exposure" types. Only people who themselves have a lot to lose reputation wise as well as financially, can participate lol. Or maybe there alreasy are such clubs and socities like that "split wide open" type, whcih we dont know of.

 

I'm a doctor who works mostly with children. If someone had pictures of me and wanted to ruin my reputation they could. Since odds are the press wouldn't cover it, unless it was a really slow news day, they would have to be active about it, but the risk is still there. I've often wanted an 'upscale' type of club, more like a swingers country club, but there are several factors against this. The biggest is its not economically viable, not enough swingers out there with the money/desire to join such a club in most locations. Even if you could get enough members, such a club would become natorious and be a bigger risk than going to a regular club. You can't escape from hidden cameras, zoom lenses these days. Just having your picture walking into such a club would be enough. Also being rich does not mean everyone there is trustworthy. That would make a hell of a WSJ article if someone outted you so they could sell short.

 

I do have a friend who is very high up the school administration ladder, plus she deals with the press on school issues constantly. Shes very parinoid about being outted as it WOULD be covered by the press and would utterly destroy her. Back when she was a normal teacher she would go to clubs etc, but now she only goes on halloween where she can wear a wig+mask. They only play with old friends or sometimes new ones that they make via old friends.

 

As a last ditch effort, we were thinking of swinging in lifelike masks or joining some kind of masked sex-party. I guess everything in life, even money and a bit of reputation, comes for a price.

 

While reading this thread I was going to say you might be out of luck here. The more high profile you are the more of a chance you have of being caught. Now there is one thing you could do and have a good chance of getting away with it, and thats travel. What I mean by this is, you have the money to go where you want, so find a club, fly there, dress down, tell people you work in some unrelated and boring field, and I doubt anyone would connect you with your companies.

[disturbed 15]

Thanks again havefuninsun and chicup. The travel-far-away option is good, ty.

 

"Just having your picture walking into such a club would be enough"

 

^^^ Very true. Hence clubs are out. It has to be in some hotel, resort, or private property.

 

I feel a bit confident after reading these posts and the advice jp51 gave me over mail, regarding how to locate high profile potential partners.

 

Still as a second card up our sleeve, we would live to learn about any "mask"/haloween kind of party/event/club that members here may know of... you know where no one gets to know exactly who the other people are. Can someone help.

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

ANGEDKY(mr) said:

Short and sweet advice:

 

Blend in

Lose the "Net worth" mentality

become "normal" in thought, attire, accessories.

Attend clubs your peers would not

travel to clubs you are not known by sight

and are out of your residential vicinity

 

Let me clarify here, I did not mean in all aspects of life, just as it specifically relates to participating swinging events

[taomaster 15]

Just having your picture walking into such a club would be enough.

Who needs pictures?

 

This BBC Story should be enough to scare us all

 

"Earlier, the court heard how a "swinger" rang a journalist to say he had just met Mr Sheridan in a sex club in Manchester."

[disturbed 15]

Who needs pictures?

 

This BBC Story should be enough to scare us all

 

"Earlier, the court heard how a "swinger" rang a journalist to say he had just met Mr Sheridan in a sex club in Manchester."

which is why sex clubs are totally out.

[jimnjan 16]

disturbed said:

i insinuated no such thing. just pointed out that a lot more is at stake here. for example, if someone else gets found out that couple may lose their job. for me, the stock prices of my company may come down. totally different scales. please try to empathize - if you were in my position, worth many millions and with a company to your name, you would feel similarly scared at the possibility of exposure. yet, rich or not, me and my wife are no less or more human in our emotions and physical needs.

 

So you're saying you could lose everything? Guess what, so can the rest of us. THAT is why some people were/are a bit put off by you're "we have more to lose than you" attitude.

 

As was stated by someone else, there have been a lot of extremely well known people that have been outed. You just have to trust your instincts and hope for the best.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Like one couple has said in their profile "we really don't want to have 'that talk' with our mothers,"

I resemble that remark.

 

I don't know how much disturbed really has to lose. If Mr. Fuse and I were outed, probably the worst thing we'd have to deal with would, in fact, be the reaction of my mother and father. We wouldn't have to deal with shareholders, thank goodness.

 

That said, our anxiety level has definitely gone down about people finding out who we are. For disturbed: that happens over time. After meeting lots of people, we've become less concerned that someone would "out" us... everyone else seems to have the same agenda and concerns as we do. We all look out for each other. Hopefully you will experience less anxiety as you go along, especially as you gain experience and find your way along.

 

Just yesterday, a couple we've been corresponding with for months without meeting asked us over email "Are you XXX and YYY?" Somehow they figured out who we are. Our reaction? We laughed and wondered how they figured it out. What it comes down to is: we believe they have no interest in hurting us. I expect this kind of thing is fairly common.

[havefuninsun 122]

I resemble that remark.

 

That said, our anxiety level has definitely gone down about people finding out who we are.

 

Resemble indeed (one of my all time favorite quotes!!)

 

I was thinking exactly the same thing ... I feel a *lot* less anxious after meeting some fine folks than I did in the very beginning of this process. The folks we've met have no more desire to "out" us as we would them. It's kinda like being in a secret society of such -- that knows how to have a LOT of fun!!

[Amanda69 24]

As a last ditch effort, we were thinking of swinging in lifelike masks or joining some kind of masked sex-party. I guess everything in life, even money and a bit of reputation, comes for a price.

 

You have been watching too many movies. Has anyone on this board ever heard of his type of party? Heck even on Halloween most choose not to have a mask on....

 

I must admit your posts rub me the wrong way. You repeatedly tout your money, power and position....as if you have more to lose than anyone else here. You are hardly the first or the last person in your position to have or indulge in these kinds of interests. Heck Clinton had numerous affairs and sex scandals and still kept his job. (by the way I agree he does have sex parties )

 

There are no clubs that I am aware of that can absolutely protect privacy, they try but in all things you are limited. Heck even someone with some abilities computer wise could track your access to this site...if they were really interested in that.

 

The only true way to keep a secret is not to tell anyone....

[disturbed 15]

havefuninsun said:

I assume you have a wonderful relationship with your wife if you both are even considering swinging. If the risk of being outed are too great, I think it's wonderful you at least have the wonderful relationship with your wife as you do.

 

I guess we will have to settle for that after all.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Amanda69 said:

Has anyone on this board ever heard of his type of party? Heck even on Halloween most choose not to have a mask on....

 

Only in the movie "Eyes Wide Shut" - Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Tom ends up at a super-secret party at a mansion, top-secret guest list only, but he manages to sneak in with a stolen super-secret invitation that must be shown to get in. Everybody there is very high-profile, and everyone is in a mask and formalwear. Tom stealthily moves about, witnessing some really wild stuff. A lot of "extra" women are there, all of them famous super-models and runway models, all in masks.

 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120663/

 

Not like anything at all I've ever seen or heard of in real life.

[mickey&minnie 15]

We'll keep your secret for only 2 million!!!!

 

Everyone has some issues with this. I don't want to be outed either as I would lose my job. My advise is to travel to where you will not be known. You said you have money, go somewhere.

 

Minnie

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

Thanks for the opinion.

 

I just wish some enterprising person would cash in on this niche' market and start a swing club exclusively to cater to the needs of "big risk/fear of exposure" types. Only people who themselves have a lot to lose reputation wise as well as financially, can participate lol. Or maybe there alreasy are such clubs and socities like that "split wide open" type, whcih we dont know of.

 

As a last ditch effort, we were thinking of swinging in lifelike masks or joining some kind of masked sex-party. I guess everything in life, even money and a bit of reputation, comes for a price.

 

If you are free to travel, there are several places you can go to eliminate your worries. Travel to another country for a vacation and visit a club there. If you prefer to pay someone for their services, there are also many places to cater to your needs. Close to the United States, we have the Dominican Republic. There are many "resorts" there where you choose one or more women to stay with you upon arrival. Although I would be worried about disease.

 

If you do your swinging a reasonable distance away from home and take a few precautions, the chance of being recognized is extremely small. A few minor things can alter your appearance, just enough. A slightly different hair style, different style of clothes, even different perfume and people who know you will just think you look like someone they know.

 

One last point: The amount you have to lose is really no more or less than anyone else. It's not the material items, it is the loss of standing within your peer group which matters. Once you become one of the directors you may very well find you aren't the only one interested in swinging at that level.

[disturbed 15]

It's not the material items, it is the loss of standing within your peer group which matters.

Thats very true. And thanks for all the tips.

[Lumina 16]

Well, it gets boring, just between the two of us.

 

As for the money, how much do you think would the share prices of a middle level company plummet, if a scandal about its top guy hit the news??

If this is true, you're not the only ones looking at losing your shirt. What about your stockholders? Is it fair to ask them to pay thousands so you can spice up your sex life?

 

Or if it's that important to you, take the millions you've already made, invest them in something safe and interest-bearing, retire young, live off the interest (likely an upper-middle class lifestyle) and swing to your heart's content.

 

Blech.

 

I can think of far worse rock-and-hard place situations. People have lost their families b/c of swinging. No amount of money is worth that.

[TerryforSex 14]

Secret Swinging....never heard of it.....there have been costume parties with masks and partial clothing ...but secret...? none I been to.

 

Don't you want to get to see the couple on the street?

That is a plus when it's time to meet newer couples.

JUST have fun.