The scammers that prey on our lifestyle

[Spoomonkey 421]

We recently received an e-mail on our Yahoo (and we never get e-mail on Yahoo). The long and the short of it was:

 

"We are interested in the lifestyle and would love to talk to you guys about it. We'd love to know about your experiences. Interested?"

 

Sure - we're interested. After all - we are swingers. Meeting new people is half the fun (okay - it is more like 1/42 of the fun). So we tell them so.

 

The reply?

 

"Great! We are [enter generic couple info here]. We'd love to know more about you - and your experiences. How would you guys like to get together for lunch?"

 

Well - gee - sure. Sounds like fun. We send them our cell number. "Give us a call and we can set a time to meet."

 

"Oh - looks like we might not be able to make it. Bummer! We were looking forward to it. If we can, we will confirm by e-mail, but right now it doesn't look good. In the mean time, we'd really love to hear more about you guys - especially your experiences."

 

At this point - we have told them quite a bit about ourselves - including our "generic experiences" (i.e. positive marital impact, etc.) without getting into the "nitty gritty" details which we wouldn't share anyway. So - ding - bell is going off and maybe they are not what they seem... Maybe...

 

We reply, "let us know."

 

And nothing more.

 

"Yep - we can't go. It is official. Poop! You guys seem great though! We were thinking we should exchange pictures. We'd love to see you guys! Of course, we can only send one of the wife, but not the husband since he has an important job and has much to lose..."

 

Now - I have to admit - there is a real prickly feeling I get when people assume that they have more to lose than I do. It seems like the rest of us, dear friends, have nothing at all to lose - but this one couple does. Must be tough...

 

But - that is not entirely the reason why I am not buying this. I mean, anyone can go to Yahoo personals and download the picture of a woman, right? Bait for us to send our pics...

 

Our response?

 

"Sure - we'd love to exchange pics. And we understand your husband's need for discretion, which is why we prefer to talk by phone first to make sure of who we are sending those pics to. Intersted?"

 

Needless to say - the response has been cyber crickets, chirpping away...

 

You'll notice a theme - they wanted our experiences. Not our "how did we get into this" experiences, but they were looking for - and I'll call it as I see it - "stroke material".

 

Oooo, baby... Oooo... Yeah we had this threesome and he put his...

 

And I think that would have made them happy...

 

Or was it even a "them"? I am not so sure. In fact, I highly doubt it.

 

So - this thread is about the "Spidey Sense". It is a way to "out" the scammers and fakes who are preying about on lifestyle folks - pretending to be what they are not in an effort to get what they should not have. Cheaters, liars, fakers - skewer them here...

 

Share with the rest of us the situations you have had that have had your "Spidey Sense" tingling. What did you do? How can we identify the same types of scams?

 

I think this could be a very educational thread!

 

One rule - no names! If you know them, keep them to yourself.

 

Be Safe!

 

Spoomonkey

[biblonde 22]

We had this happen a couple times but this is the best example....this "girl" had wrote us on SLS saying she traveled alot and we chatted a bit on yahoo first then I turned on the web cam "at "its" request"since they were checking to see if I was a girl also. Well this person kept requesting me to do things (which I said no to) that sounded more like a male than a female request. So finally I asked her to call me since her camera wasnt working. I gave "it" our home number since I was home at the time. That way she could prove she was actually a SHE. I really didnt believe it was a she. WELL....I was soooo right. The "IT" posted my name and phone number on some XXX chatt rooms promising all sorts of stuff to alot of men! they started calling my house at midnight and went on to the next morning. After the first one we thought maybe it was just a wrong number till my son answered the phone and them telling them that their mom had promised to do (insert graffic details)...my son looked at me and said "ummm....mom I think this is for you." It took about 2 minutes to get my number changed after I told the poor guy what I would do to him if we actually meet..he he he ..yes I can be cruel. Learned that I dont give out house number and if I think it is a guy....run dont look back!

[Spoomonkey 421]

"ummm....mom I think this is for you."

 

Wow!

 

This would be hilarious if it weren't so horrible

 

Sorry this happened to you. Now I am not so sure I want to give my number out... Creepy...

 

Spoomonkey

[biblonde 22]

At the time it pissed me off alot since they were giving my 12 year old details...as in you mom promised to suck my dick till I cum down her throat. He had 2 like that and when he told me what the first one said I though he was being gross and grounded and sent him to his room..well about 5 minutes later the phone rang and he still had the phone(he snuck it in his room) and he answered it again and handed it to me so I would see he wasnt lying...OOOPPPSS did I owed him alot of apologies...now I look at it and just think "WONT DO THAT AGAIN" so now unless we really know you ....no house number! that was when we first got into the lifestyle.

[rpu3 630]

We are still newbies, but I'm getting pretty darn familiar with the spidey sense...

 

The most recent spidey-sense issue....

 

We have a profile on both SLS and Swappernet. We received an email from a "couple" from out of the area, complimenting us on our profile, and saying because of his "very professional" job, they were unable to show us his pictures. They also said they were "brand new to the site".

 

We look at their profile, and the pics of one woman, all web cam photos, all in the same pose (i.e., sitting in a chair, same position, same background items). Profile goes on and on about how they love pics and video, but he has a very professional job and can't show his pictures. And for a "brand new couple", sending over 2000 emails doesn't seem likely.

 

I go read the email, and see that my husband missed the p.s. asking us to open our private gallery, and reminding us that he has the very professional job.

 

I don't know - it just screamed picture collectors or some other form of phony gameplaying male, and that the female was a friend or chat buddy that he was using on the profile.

 

We just sent an email back saying we understood their concern, but we also have careers to care about, and how the heck was I (the female) supposed to be interested without a picture of him? Never heard from that screen name again...

 

Rebecca

[MoonLightKiss 28]

My spidey sense tingles with those that want xxx-rated pics in the first five minutes of chatting. I send g-rated pics, maybe pg-13 first chat, but I do not care to see xxx rated shots, nor do I keep any handy. I prefer to see the "goods" up close and personal.

 

But even after explaining it, about ever 6.89 minutes they circle around to getting the naked photos. "So, when you gonna send me those photos?"

 

Makes me think "single guy" couple. But the crickets get loud about the time I say, no xxx rated pics. Please quit asking, it annoys me.

[BradAndJanet 70]

"On the intenet, no one knows you're a dog..."

 

Picture collector.

 

Nice try though and more creative than most.

 

-B

[LOL_OMG 130]

Mr LOL usually has great Spidey Sense, and I totally trust him with it....however there have been moments.

 

My observation with this thread is...isn't it interesting that some people think:

 

1. that "swingers" are nymphomaniacs who don't care who they have sex with.

 

or

 

2. that "swingers" have the ideal relationship, open and sexually giving in a way that enhances their overall relationship.

 

It's either evil or bliss. Those people wanting stories are wanting in their own way to experience it....albeit in a romance novel way, but annonymously like only the internet can provide.

[GotBatteries? 15]

Poor Mr rarely gets online to chat but when he does....*sigh*...

I hate to say it, he will *always* ask for more x-rated shots.

I've tried to explain how this looks to others, he just thinks since we have so many pics up (he will give up acess to anything he even *thinks* has breasts!) and since he gave them access, he thinks its fair to ask for more pics. I suppiose he is right, BUT, he still looks like a pic collector or a guy pimpin out his chick.

I am trying to point out to him anytime someone in chat or in email does any of these annoying things that Mr also does and I explain to him WHY its not polite WHY it sends up red flags, etc. I think he is catching on.

 

So I am CERTAIN he has tripped the spidey senses of others. Ah well:)

[Spoomonkey 421]

So I am CERTAIN he has tripped the spidey senses of others. Ah well:)

 

There is no doubt that swinging couples enjoy sexy pics of themselves and others. I have received x-rated pics from friends, but never because I was fishing or asking for them - and always after there was a fairly long friendship going on.

 

Your husband has to understand that most swingers would agree 100% with this quote:

 

I prefer to see the "goods" up close and personal.

 

"Couples" who are asking for sex pics from the word "go" are often assumed not to be couples at all. And after running into so many scammers, real swingers have their antenna up. Your husband may want to rethink his approach if he wants to meet real people.

 

Spoomonkey

[biblonde 22]

I have to agree with MOONLIGHTKISS...up close and personal is the best. We have had some that within the first 5 minutes of talking want xxx pics and they get sent on their way. We usually assume they are single men collecting pics.

 

But since it is my birthday I think everyone should send me nakked pics to drool over..he he he just playin

[Tybee Swing 286]

Spoo, we would have felt the same way you did about the mysterious emailer. We use Yahoo, too. If we get an IM or email out of the blue, we question it. How'd they find us? Do they have a profile online somewhere that we could see, too? We generally get nothing past that point. I think those random people who come out of the blue are just picture collectors or like what happened to you, looking for stories to yank off to.

 

We never, ever give out our home phone. Biblonde, that was terrible!!! I'm so sorry for you!!! We don't want any crossing over of our swing connections and home life. Our swing friends have our cell phone number(s). No matter how long we've known them, we don't want them calling the house. Our cell phones, we control and we always answer, nobody else. That's not the case at the house. We just feel more comfortable handling our adult contacts through our cell phones.

[Tybee Swing 286]

...isn't it interesting that some people think:

 

1. that "swingers" are nymphomaniacs who don't care who they have sex with.

 

Yeah!!! I get this feeling all the time from people who don't get it. I think it's probably the biggest negative stereotype of all about swingers. They think we have no standards, we're pervs, we'll do anything, and we think any kind of kink is cool.

[Tybee Swing 286]

But since it is my birthday I think everyone should send me nakked pics to drool over..he he he just playin

 

Happy Birthday to you!!

[Spoomonkey 421]

But since it is my birthday I think everyone should send me nakked pics to drool over..he he he just playin

 

Naked pics of us - or just random naked pics that we have scammed off of unsuspecting people?

 

 

Just kidding - anything you want, hottie!

 

Spoomonkey

[GotBatteries? 15]

Your husband may want to rethink his approach if he wants to meet real people.

 

Yup. Thas kinda why I was showing him what he was doing 'wrong'. He had no idea asking for pics or being graphic in chats was impolite. His argument was 'We are looking for people to have sex with? Can't we talk about sex with them?' which led to the its-not-what-you-say-so-much-as-how-you-say-it argument.

 

Happy Birthday!

[RANDJ4FUN 15]

I have to agree with MOONLIGHTKISS...up close and personal is the best. We have had some that within the first 5 minutes of talking want xxx pics and they get sent on their way. We usually assume they are single men collecting pics.

 

But since it is my birthday I think everyone should send me nakked pics to drool over..he he he just playin

 

 

I'd love to send you naked pics of me -- but instead of making you drool they might make you hurl!! LOL

It's a bitch gettin old!!

[Swing*8701 887]

Simply stated--the first time you get excuses, you stop contact and leave it in their court to contact you first. And, we rarely have people call us, we call them and only when both are available. We focus on their actions, not their words. Lastly, just as a style point, they can't ask for what they won't deliver on themselves. If they want 'couples' photos, they need to reciprocate in full. If not, move on, there's a game going on.

 

I'm very protective of Susan and dealing with frauds. And, while we have not met many couples, we've never broken an appointment.

 

'Hope' is not a security method.

[ShellyM 0]

Mine is with men who want pictures. That really ticks me off. We have our pics on sls, both public and private. We are more than HAPPY to extend our private pics to anyone we have talked to and believe are actually swingers, and this is because the pics are protected when on the sls site. But I have talked with 2 men recently on sls. They usually end up yahoo im'ing me. Then they start with the pictures. Can I see them? And I say yes, I'd be happy to give you access to our private pics. Then its "Well, we are free and can't see them. Can't you just send them via yahoo?" And then i have to say no, I'm sorry. We cannot. Both times they have become upset, one even angry. He said I'm "boring" lol. Alot of these people will trade these pics over the internet.

[ShellyM 0]

We had this happen a couple times but this is the best example....this "girl" had wrote us on SLS saying she traveled alot and we chatted a bit on yahoo first then I turned on the web cam "at "its" request"since they were checking to see if I was a girl also. Well this person kept requesting me to do things (which I said no to) that sounded more like a male than a female request. So finally I asked her to call me since her camera wasnt working. I gave "it" our home number since I was home at the time. That way she could prove she was actually a SHE. I really didnt believe it was a she. WELL....I was soooo right. The "IT" posted my name and phone number on some XXX chatt rooms promising all sorts of stuff to alot of men! they started calling my house at midnight and went on to the next morning. After the first one we thought maybe it was just a wrong number till my son answered the phone and them telling them that their mom had promised to do (insert graffic details)...my son looked at me and said "ummm....mom I think this is for you." It took about 2 minutes to get my number changed after I told the poor guy what I would do to him if we actually meet..he he he ..yes I can be cruel. Learned that I dont give out house number and if I think it is a guy....run dont look back!

 

Its scarey how some people are so sick. And this guy is probably educated and runs a company.

[WA_Cple 20]

We don't send anyone our x-rated photos unless we have already seen them naked and they have seen us naked.

 

We always tell everyone and that means EVERYONE that if they want to see us naked then lets meet and if we all agree and get along there will be plenty of naked to go around. Actually I say it a lot nicer then that... I say, "I only have G-rated photos because I prefer to show you my nudity in person".

 

Aren't I nice?

 

 

Mrs WA

[blinkey 15]

... and this is because the pics are protected when on the sls site. ...

The picture "protection" on websites is superficial, like a bank with only three brick walls: looks secure, but isn't. Nothing will protect your pictures if you put them online. If it can be displayed on a monitor, it can equally be captured and saved to disk and re-distributed.

 

I'm not trying to be discouraging, but the myth of protection seems widespread, and it's a false sense of security. When posting pictures, keep in mind that they're not really secure, and decide if they really should be online.

 

Just to clairify, the private pics on SLS are not visible to people unless you grant access, and they cannot copy them until access is granted. Private pics are generally more protected than public ones because fewer people can see them, but they are still copyable for those whom you have granted access.

[couple4fun_7463 65]

Wow those are some rough stories. I really hate that they happened My wife and I are just getting started, actually not planning to play for a while. One reason is I wont be home till late July. The other is we want to make sure we overt as many problems as we can. We want to know 100% that were ready. in the meantime we have made a purpose built email address and plan to get a pay as you go (burner) phone. Nobody we play with gets our home phone or primary email. It just seems a little safer that way.

[Learning 160]

Wow this is a really good old thread. Wonder if there are other good spidey sense stories out there....

[dovedark 15]

My spidey senses are working already after a month in. We had a "couple" ask us to "tell us more about yourselves" I did, it was all G rated stuff and they asked for pics I sent them a couple shot. Asked them to reciprocate.. No reply on that email, but they did say.. " we are still waiting for those pics" I replied. so am I

[iexxxcpl 19]

Wow those are some rough stories. I really hate that they happened My wife and I are just getting started, actually not planning to play for a while. One reason is I wont be home till late July. The other is we want to make sure we overt as many problems as we can. We want to know 100% that were ready. in the meantime we have made a purpose built email address and plan to get a pay as you go (burner) phone. Nobody we play with gets our home phone or primary email. It just seems a little safer that way.

 

 

 

I see you had posted this reply a couple of months ago but for anyone considering a "burner phone" here is an idea... You can set up a free Google voice phone number. You can then use that number to give to play partners. They can call and text that number which will forward to any phone(s) of your choice without revealing your private numbers and you can always change the number.

 

Google voice can come in very handy if you explore the many settings it allows.

 

Mr. xXx

[slevin 1,374]

I see you had posted this reply a couple of months ago but for anyone considering a "burner phone" here is an idea... You can set up a free Google voice phone number. You can then use that number to give to play partners. They can call and text that number which will forward to any phone(s) of your choice without revealing your private numbers and you can always change the number.

 

Google voice can come in very handy if you explore the many settings it allows.

 

Mr. xXx

 

Google Voice isn't available in Canada. Yes you can hack around that if you're quite computer savvy, but for the average person it's not available. A Skype number would be a good alternative, but it doesn't have all of the same easy web functionality.

[iexxxcpl 19]

Oh bummer, I guess I didn't consider location lol

 

Mr. xXx

[Hippiegirlie 276]

My view is that there are creeps everywhere and they are not male exclusive. I don't believe there are any more creeps in the LS then there are in any other place... night clubs, bars, etc. I found more "creepy people" on vanilla sites than in the lifestyle. It may be that it is looked upon as more prominent because the sites are sex based so it is a more open target for those who are looking for their fantasy of collecting pictures or whatever gets them off, but in reality, there is a "creep" factor to most social events. One in every bunch.

[kikonkrome 843]

When we first created an online listing we were contacted by a couple.

 

We exchanged phone numbers and a few pictures. We called but, of course, 'she' was not available to talk. He really wanted to meet, but after two phone calls I just blocked the phone number. I never did figure out what the scam was with that.

 

Now we don't even bother with online. We just meet people at clubs. Seems safer, frankly.

[cplnluv1 870]

We post and answer ads on Craigslist. I admit we were initially naïve but not stupid. We were searching for a unicorn before we knew what a unicorn was. We got plenty of nude pictures. Funny how you would get nudes but never a normal clothed one. Duh. Never a phone number. We switched and changed to try finding a couple. Like most of you, we got more nudes, explicit sex pictures and again no normal couple pics. How can you be a couple and never had a picture of the two of you together? It became comical and a game for us. We never sent sexual pics but we did send g rated. One "couple" even said we were fakes because another couple sent them the same picture. We were even duped after we got normal picture a phone number and voice verification. Went to the place we agreed on and nobody showed. Our pictures are current so I am sure we didn't scare them away. It happened to us twice but we laughed it off. Made the best of a night out both times. The thing is, getting ready for the first time doing this is hard enough. Nervous enough and maybe a sense of relief when nobody showed.

Now we did our due diligence, were contacted by a couple younger than us. Too good looking to be real. Boom, they were real. Plenty of scammers, very few real. We learned.