Do you play with Married Males without their partners?

[Amanda69 24]

I am seeing this come up more and more. Married males playing without their partners for various reasons.

 

Is there any good reason that you would say yes to this situation? Do you care or if you were interested would it matter that he is playing without his partner? Do you check with the other partner for permission? Or do you believe the guy who says his wife is okay with this?

 

For us this is just too much drama. We say no to any involvement with any male or female playing in the lifestyle without their partners. We are not interested in what kind of permission they may have or meeting up with the partner to hear about it....by the way partners who play separately are different we are talking about those whose partners are not involved in the lifestyle.

[NakedInSeattle 159]

We say NO, also and we don't believe that crap like..."I have permission from my wife"...bunch of bull. Even guys that say they are single sometimes ain't. Better to stay with couples. Agree - less drama and more fun.

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

On one of our profiles (SLS) we were getting too many messages from single men, or married-it's okay with my wife, she's not interested-men, so I made a few changes. Here's what it says on this subject:

 

"If you are a single man, don't waste our and your time by contacting us, we're not interested. If you are part of a "couple" but she doesn't play anymore, then feel free to contact us with name, address and phone number where we can contact your wife or whatever. After contacting her, confirming your and her identity, confirming that she is okay with you playing without her, then we will be more than happy to tell you that we're still not interested. Without her, you're just a single man with a wedding ring. "

 

The only exception is that She can play solo or we will play solo with a woman part of a couple, but only if we've played with the couple before and everyone involved is okay with the deal. I'm away a lot during the week, so this allows She to accept something from one of our friends if I happen to be away.

[EvilMJ 65]

I am sure I have posted about this particular situation before, so if you have heard this story feel free to move to the next post.

 

There is a couple who are basicaly in a polyamouros relationship with another couple, they all live together. The husband of couple one and the wife of couple two one no longer want to swing and are happy as a foursome, but they did give the other spouces approval to swing, but with a select group of people.

 

So Hubby of couple two and the wife of couple one do play together. We have gotten to know all four of the people and consider them good friends and very trustworthy. They prefer threesome with another woman, but ocassionally will do a full swap. I fall into the threesome catagory right now.

 

We have also all agreed that if we are at a club/dance or party and the hubby of this couple and I want to play together then that is fine with all of us.

 

So for the most part I would never include a married man into our play dates unless I knew his wife and we were all comfortable with the agreement

[pumpkins1970 17]

No.

[ohcpl43952 16]

I've actually been that guy. And in both situations, the other couple talked to my wife on the phone to make sure everything was kosher. Clean conscience everywhere for everyone.

[good times 991]

For us this is just too much drama. We say no to any involvement with any male or female playing in the lifestyle without their partners. We are not interested in what kind of permission they may have or meeting up with the partner to hear about it....by the way partners who play separately are different we are talking about those whose partners are not involved in the lifestyle.

Sounds like we think alike in this regard, we don't have any shortage of potential playmates without dealing with the drama of people playing with or without their partners permission. Our main problem is finding enough time and coordinating scheduling with the people we already want to play with. Taking or even having the time to check with the other spouse to establish permission is something we are highly unlikely to do.

[singleagain 26]

I am seeing this come up more and more. Married males playing without their partners for various reasons.

 

Is there any good reason that you would say yes to this situation? Do you care or if you were interested would it matter that he is playing without his partner? Do you check with the other partner for permission? Or do you believe the guy who says his wife is okay with this?

 

For us this is just too much drama. We say no to any involvement with any male or female playing in the lifestyle without their partners. We are not interested in what kind of permission they may have or meeting up with the partner to hear about it....by the way partners who play separately are different we are talking about those whose partners are not involved in the lifestyle.

 

If you have read my story My first MFM - A gift from J. I posted under "swinger stories". you know that I am now a single again guy. And yes, there is always going to be drama in my life. There is the drama of loosing the love of my life. There is the drama of finding it difficult to find someone new that could fill a little of the void J left behind. There is the drama of telling people that if she were alive, she'd probably be ok with me swinging along. And I sure do wish you could ask her if she is OK with me being involved with other people sexually. I can only speak from my own personal experience but sometimes I have found the greatest people when you get past all the drama. One really nice single woman I have met lately won't play with me because I am no longer married. She only plays with married men (she says) because they don't talk about their sexual escapades. So what the heck, I can't answer your question because I'm not a couple. I just wish there were a lot more understanding couples that would like to include me. Oh, well...go figure...

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

Hi Everyone,

Laurie and I got an email from a couple off SLS. They were both married, but not to each other. Sounds like a way to get a two-fer, not one but two enraged spouses showing up at the house.

We would play with a married man without his wife only if it was a standing relationship with the couple, and for some reason she just didn't want to be involved that evening. We'd also have to know for sure that she was on board with it. We had that arrangement with friends regarding visits from Aunt Flo. Threesomes smoothed out the monthly dry spells nicely.

Jeff

[Better Half 15]

You know, we have seen a few ads on SLS like that. "Both married but not to each other". I don't know how many couples would take them up on something like that but it seems a little too risky to me. Besides, then I think......so they are both having an extramarital affair and they STILL need or desire more spice. .....Whew, it exhausts me to think about it.

[intuition897 2,179]

When we were actively swinging, we would not consider 99% of the married solo players, male or female. That one percent had to meet so many requirements that we didn't realistically expect it to happen. Still hasn't.

 

We'd only consider it if we could be certain that everyone was in the know, and that they had enough experience and a good enough relationship that they could do something like this. I couldn't be because they wanted to get away from each other, or because they didn't care who fucked whom. It was preferable that this was just another kiss & tell kind of game for them, and that they looked forward to screwing each other silly when the Mr. or Mrs. got home. That would be cool. The other possibility is that the couple would be close friends, and there was a great deal of trust between all four of us.

 

In any case, the comfort level needs to be WAY high.

[Couples Touch 15]

This is a great forum topic with that fact being that if you have been on any of the great membership personals websites for the lifestyle, at one time or another, you have received a message that reads something like....

 

"great looking, successful, well endowed, energetic, fun, single male here.... well, I play single... I am married, but the spouse does not participate in the lifestyle, but says it is OK for me to have fun"....

 

or my all time favorite that ends something like...

 

"... and the wife is on a 6 month job assignment in another state, and says I need to have my fun while she is away."

 

 

 

Personally, male or female, we feel like someone "swinging" behind the back of the other spouse/partner, to simply put it, cheating!

 

 

Recently, we had been communicating with a gorgeous "single" lady. For a couple of months, she had actually pursued us via email and chat, and we had spoke to her on the phone several times.

 

 

Finally, we worked out the details, and set an entire day aside, as we already knew the 3 of us would get along wonderfully, and chemistry would not be an issue. So, the day finally arrived.....

 

 

She showed up in all of her beauty, was very sexy, and even more yummy than the photos has shown. She and the wife hit it off very well, and I was "licking my chops" so to speak, with the anticipation of having both of these lovely creatures all to myself.

 

 

About 2 hours into our afternoon together, having share a lovely meal, drinks and stimulating conversation... the time to take things to the next level arrived...... so, off to bedroom we go!

 

 

Just before the "playing" got to a serious level, a slip happened on the part of this lovely lady, and the wife and I both just looked at each other. It had not escaped either of us.

 

 

She had slipped that she was Married! So we politely questioned her, and she actually was very open to discuss it with us, and to be honest, from what she said (if it were the actual case) we felt for her and the situation.

 

 

At that point, without even having to say a word to one another, my beautiful wife and I knew what we had to do, and we stopped "encounter" at that point. She was married, and we have strong beliefs in marriage, and we could not take it any further.

 

 

Afterwards, we both talked about how difficult it had been. This lady would have been lots of fun. Sex would have been outstanding, and maybe be more than a one time opportunity.

 

 

Not patting ourselves on the back. Said all of that to make the point that for us, the lifestyle is about fun, excitement, variety, and more! In our fun and enjoyment, we do not want to ever be in a place that we might feel responsible for a marriage or relationship ending because the person gets caught!

[xxoticangel 99]

We have knowingly played with married men in the past. Early in our swing lifestyle we had the opinion that we are not the morality police. As we have matured, both in the lifestyle and in life, our opinions have changed. In the beginning we also had so many rules regarding swinging we had to write them down, now they are reduced to two. Now we will not knowingly play with a married man without the expressed verbal consent of his wife. This had happened but always with a man that we have played with as a couple. This has also happened with a married woman.

 

Is it conceivable that one of our may MFM has included a married man without our knowing? Yes. In fact it is probable. However, if we know or even suspect that he is married we won't go there.

[tribbles 490]

Not without knowing the wife (or husband). There are a couple of guys at a club we often go to and their wives have dropped out of swinging (health, menopause, working too much) and since everyone knows them, they do get to play. Sometimes the wives do show up to play or socialize so we know they are okay with it.

 

Someone we don't know, M or F and married, wouldn't be a playmate. We don't like cheaters.

[prettylady 221]

NO

Your friend,

Prettylady

[WesternSwing 504]

I am seeing this come up more and more. Married males playing without their partners for various reasons.

 

Is there any good reason that you would say yes to this situation? Do you care or if you were interested would it matter that he is playing without his partner? Do you check with the other partner for permission? Or do you believe the guy who says his wife is okay with this?

 

For us this is just too much drama. We say no to any involvement with any male or female playing in the lifestyle without their partners. We are not interested in what kind of permission they may have or meeting up with the partner to hear about it....by the way partners who play separately are different we are talking about those whose partners are not involved in the lifestyle.

This is kind of a double-edged sword since we have only met one married guy playing single in the past couple of years and I do have permission from Mrs. WS to play solo if I feel I want to.

 

The one guy we did meet solo was in Salt Lake on business. He and his wife have a profile on SLS and Swingular and we chatted with her both on IM and on the phone before we met him. She was also interested in playing we me solo (they live about three hours away), but the opportunity has not presented itself yet (damnit!).

 

There are a couple women I can play with solo anytime I want to that are part are part of a swinging couple that we have both played with.

 

The difference here? In both of these circumstances the person we are playing with are part of a swinger couple and we have either played with, or know the spouse.

 

We would not play with a single (male or female) that did not meet the above criteria.

 

Mr. WS

[Petercockright 15]

I've been on both sides of this question as a couple and as a single. And quite frankly my dears I don't give a damn if the person male or female is married or not. I don't ask and I don't care how they decide to run their life. I just want them to focus on me or us. I don't care if their home life is wonderful or if it stinks... their life is theirs to manage.

 

I've been in this lifestyle for 20+ yrs, started and managed swing clubs, swinger groups and this topic is always being brought up. The morality police are always trying to push the idea that solos are always cheaters. Cheating is a 3 rd grade notion denoting someone else has ownership of anothers body. Why should anyone think they are charged with the responsiblity of judging how others choose to live their life.

[Chicup 42]

I've been on both sides of this question as a couple and as a single. And quite frankly my dears I don't give a damn if the person male or female is married or not. I don't ask and I don't care how they decide to run their life. I just want them to focus on me or us. I don't care if their home life is wonderful or if it stinks... their life is theirs to manage.

 

I've been in this lifestyle for 20+ yrs, started and managed swing clubs, swinger groups and this topic is always being brought up. The morality police are always trying to push the idea that solos are always cheaters. Cheating is a 3 rd grade notion denoting someone else has ownership of anothers body. Why should anyone think they are charged with the responsiblity of judging how others choose to live their life.

 

We choose to live our lives by not playing with those who are 'cheating' on others. This isn't the morality police, I don't give a damn what you do with someone else, thats your issue, not mine, but don't expect us to change our views on the subject either. I hope you don't judge how we choose to live our life in this :rollseyes

[WesternSwing 504]

I've been on both sides of this question as a couple and as a single. And quite frankly my dears I don't give a damn if the person male or female is married or not. I don't ask and I don't care how they decide to run their life. I just want them to focus on me or us. I don't care if their home life is wonderful or if it stinks... their life is theirs to manage.

 

I've been in this lifestyle for 20+ yrs, started and managed swing clubs, swinger groups and this topic is always being brought up. The morality police are always trying to push the idea that solos are always cheaters. Cheating is a 3 rd grade notion denoting someone else has ownership of anothers body. Why should anyone think they are charged with the responsiblity of judging how others choose to live their life.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Cheaters hurt the people they are cheating on. We won't help someone hurt someone else. Just because we are swingers doesn't mean we don't have ethics.

 

The last thing we need is to be drug into a divorce trial by a disgruntled spouse, have the disgruntled spouse harrassing us via phone because they found our number on their spouses cell biill or address book, or worse, to have them show-up on our doorstep toting a gun and theatening or actually doing harm to us and our family.

 

All that for a little sex we can get elsewhere without potential drama... I think not.

 

Mr. WS

[Dooode 18]

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Cheaters hurt the people they are cheating on. We won't help someone hurt someone else. Just because we are swingers doesn't mean we don't have ethics.

Mr. WS

 

I feel the same way on this issue. If someone has a rotten marriage and either spouse want to cheat, that's their problem. But I am NOT going to contribute to the failure of a marriage, I don't care how hot they are. I like to think I have more respect for others than to believe my actions won't cause them further harm. To do otherwise is irresponsible. Period.

 

In the end, I still have to live with myself.

 

Personally, I have to question how I could trust a cheater or someone who condones cheating. I feel that anyone betraying another's trust or condoning the betrayal of another is not worthy of my trust. How could I play with such a person??

 

Morality Police? It's my morals, my life and my choice.

 

IMO, cheaters suck (and not in a good way).

[Amanda69 24]

Dito

 

I choose not to contribute to the misery of someone else or get involved in their drama's by sleeping with a partner who is sleeping with others without his spouses permision.

 

Clearly some people do care about other people and how their behavior effects them. I personally am proud of my empathy for others and will continue to not involve myself in any situation which could potentially cause pain to another through my actions.

[intuition897 2,179]

I've been on both sides of this question as a couple and as a single. And quite frankly my dears I don't give a damn if the person male or female is married or not. I don't ask and I don't care how they decide to run their life. I just want them to focus on me or us. I don't care if their home life is wonderful or if it stinks... their life is theirs to manage.

 

I've been in this lifestyle for 20+ yrs, started and managed swing clubs, swinger groups and this topic is always being brought up. The morality police are always trying to push the idea that solos are always cheaters. Cheating is a 3 rd grade notion denoting someone else has ownership of anothers body. Why should anyone think they are charged with the responsiblity of judging how others choose to live their life.

 

This argument about the "morality police" has been used countless times on here, and likely elsewhere. And it never sells. It always seemed to me like some kind of attempt at vilifying the heeding of one's conscience. As if slapping some kind of derogatory label on my sense of right and wrong makes the moral negligence of others somehow accceptable. "If you can't be decent, bring others down to your level."

 

Peter, NO ONE said that solo players are all tarred with the same stick. Not all of them are cheaters, and if they aren't, then many of us have no problem playing with them. But because there ARE some who are disrespectful of their own spouses (which makes us doubt their ability to be honest and fair with complete strangers like us about silly little things like...oh...say STD's??), and because our time is valuable, we find that it's more time-efficient to simply avoid the headache and disappointment of trying to sort out the cheaters from the honest guys. It's nothing personal, it all comes down to time...which we have precious little of. And then again, we just don't like people who don't treat their spouses like adults; I'm not going to fuck someone I don't like as a person. If you choose to avoid feeling bad about enabling others to hurt their relationships by saying that cheating is a figment of our imagination (a silly 3rd grade notion), then I guess that's up to you. Do as you please, but don't expect others to just smile and say, "Gee, that's cool!"

[Hoot 15]

No, we do not. For the simple fact that i am a happily married woman & i always would like to be respected as such. Soooooooo to 'play' with a married man W/OUT his wifes' permission, to me, is disrespecting the wife. My hubby & I do not 'play' separately. (That is just one of our rules) And, if he went behind my back, and disrespected me with another, I would be very upset and feel betrayed. I would also update everyone to let you know when/where the funeral arrangements for each were going to be.....

 

This is just my opinion/feelings. Good to be able to be open and chit chat like we do here. Even for those that disagree with me & DO swing with married men/women, that is fine, it is your feeling(s) and i respect your thoughts/feelings. After all, who am i to judge??? nada.

 

Hoot

[Couple_N_Ark 39]

There was a similar discussion in May of 2004 in which we commented. I went back and cut and pasted my comment, since it still applies.

 

We were somewhat raked over the coals then for our views. I guess we'll see if the consensus has changed any.

 

Here is our exact reply..........

 

We enjoy meeting single men, and do so more often probably than meeting other couples.

 

Some may think this is extreme, but we do have one VERY HARD rule when meeting single men....and that is we must have their name, and home phone number. And be able to call them at various times to verify they are single. We let it be known up front that we will only meet single men, and that we will verify they are single, so it's not like we mislead anyone.

 

If someone tells us they're not listed in the phone book (it's probably their cell number), then we don't meet them. If for any reason we can't verify the information we don't meet them....it doesn't matter how handsome, buff or whatever the guy is. This also works as somewhat of a security measure also.

 

Unfortunately when going to an on premise club and "connecting" with a single male, you cannot always be so sure about them being truly single or not, but we do question them and try to get a feel about their honesty.

 

I know this is a bit off topic, but just to clarify something...we would also NOT MEET a married woman who is cheating on their spouse. If we never met another single lady again, we just would not do it if we knew they were married. Obviously we cannot use the same verification with a lady, but many times we do talk to ladies on the phone before meeting.

 

I was a single man for 12 yrs, and actually pretty successful at swinging as a single male. I think I had better luck with just the "general population" rather than with admitted swingers. There are alot of couples out there (on yahoo, AOL, MSN, etc) who have probably never heard of most swinger sites, and might never consider themselves to be swingers, but they still have that fantasy of having a 3some with another man.

[Dooode 18]

I know this is a bit off topic, but just to clarify something...we would also NOT MEET a married woman who is cheating on their spouse. If we never met another single lady again, we just would not do it if we knew they were married.

I don't think it's THAT off-topic (not like going off on climbing Mt Everest or something).

 

I looked at my earlier reply and I realized that I came off pretty strongly. Fact is, I have gotten involved with married women before which ruined one marriage, broke up another's engagement, and put another's marriage through some hard times.

 

"Not playing with cheaters" is not some willy-nilly rule I made up for myself because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I came to realize that cheating and contributing to cheaters DOES ruin people's relationships. Caught or not, the betrayal of trust can be so deep that it has the potential to destroy people's lives.

 

It's been a long, long time since my part in these betrayals. If I came off too strong in my earlier reply, it's only to show my determination never to repeat the same mistakes ever again.

[WesternSwing 504]

Personally, I have to question how I could trust a cheater or someone who condones cheating. I feel that anyone betraying another's trust or condoning the betrayal of another is not worthy of my trust. How could I play with such a person??

Exactly. If they aren't trustworthy to begin with, how can you trust them not to betray you. "Hey Bob, come see this couple on SLS I played with last week!" "HOLY SHIT, ED, THAT'S MY NEIGHBORS!"

 

Mr. WS

[JP51 40]

We do, with couples whom we have had a long standing relationship. We will get into MFM or the FMF at times. I have been on the nice end of this when traveling and have recieved invites to "just stay with us" your in town for business and we can play. We have also invited the other guy to stay with us in the same way. Heck sometime is appears we just switch wife for a week., when we end up in each other city at the same time. Will have to say we have know them for 10 years or heck more...

So maybe that is diffrent?

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

I've been on both sides of this question as a couple and as a single. And quite frankly my dears I don't give a damn if the person male or female is married or not. I don't ask and I don't care how they decide to run their life. I just want them to focus on me or us. I don't care if their home life is wonderful or if it stinks... their life is theirs to manage.

 

I've been in this lifestyle for 20+ yrs, started and managed swing clubs, swinger groups and this topic is always being brought up. The morality police are always trying to push the idea that solos are always cheaters. Cheating is a 3 rd grade notion denoting someone else has ownership of anothers body. Why should anyone think they are charged with the responsiblity of judging how others choose to live their life.

Your "experience" isn't important when stating your position. It sometimes can show you might have relevant knowledge (say a mechanic recommending a Toyota), but with no means to verify, it's easy to make up. I've met too many people who've worked a relatively simple job for 20 + years and still are incompetent. I've also met those with almost no experience who are exceptionally skilled. Twenty + years and you're a solo male involved in something that can only truly be a lifestyle for a committed couple? I say this because solo, you're just expanding your playing field for sex, as a couple you are putting much more on the line. If you started and managed swing clubs, what happened to them? You should be telling us about these fantastic clubs so those in the area can experience them first hand. Call me a cynic (probably not your first choice), but all your quoted experience hints at failure rather than success, at least in this "lifestyle".

 

To be fair you might be the Eric Clapton of swinging, an artist that defines the art. Just read the forums and you'll find many couples seeking encounters with single men or women. And you'll find the same couples making the distinction between single and cheating. Cheating has nothing to do with ownership. It has to do with respecting a committment. I've heard a few different marriage vows but have yet to hear "Love, honor and let you have sex with whomever, wherever and whenever because it's none of my damned business". If the partner knows and agrees, more power to both, but if the partner is kept in the dark, it's not much of a partnership.

 

The 3rd grade concept is "Morality Police", especially here. The people here offer advice and relevant experience. They express opinions and give suggestions. You'll rarely see this group totally condemn someone for their actions or beliefs. Sure, a few (mainly me) will say "Bad Dog" and rub someone's nose in their mess when we feel they've made and/or are compounding a serious error. Seldom is it about morality. It's the parent telling the child how not to get burned. If they get burned there are those here to treat it and help them learn from that mistake. If they don't get burned, they'll get kudos for their success against long odds.

 

And of course they'll get 800+ words of complete garbage from yours truly.