If married, don't swing...It can be horrible & ruin your marriage

[oddcouple 17]

Maybe you shouldn't have started with a 3 some? First time, you might have tried with a couple and after you got used to that moved on. Hard to tell since you are not being specific about what the issues were.

[luckycple 17]

We have only swung a few times and it was wonderful and made the sex between us more exciting.

[MIbbwcpl 67]

We've been swinging for most of our relationship. Yup, it's ruined.

[knb2004 364]

So true, married almost 25 years and swinging about 23, I am expecting our marriage to fail at any moment.

 

Ted

 

As this was originally posted almost 2 full years ago, I expect that you two have divorced by now. No? Oh, damn I was gonna ask for Theresa's phone number.

[theflamekasters 20]

Mrs. F and I have been married for 5 years this year, swinging for 1, and we are closer now, and have a better marriage now then ever. Our sex life has gotten so intense, and it was good to begin with.

 

How ever we believe that with a lot of couples there are some trust issues and insecurities, and we seem to attract most of them. Those couples cause drama, and we dont want that.

 

Mrs. F always says I don't want to keep your man, just borrow him, and you can't have mine, but I will gladly share him!!!

[VegasLee 1,486]

Well, Laura and I have raised six kids, now have eight grandkids and I am sure more on the way.

 

We have been in the Lifestyle before any of those kids came along.

 

We are still together and very happy. It works for us.

 

The OP is right in a way though.

 

This Lifestyle is NOT for everyone. I would say more people crash and burn in it then last as long as we have. We see many people try this lifestyle to try to "fix" something that is wrong in their life. It never works.

 

Most are not cut out for this life but for the ones of us that are, it is a great life!

 

I'll report back in another 30 years and let you know how we are doing!

[TNT 1,155]

As this was originally posted almost 2 full years ago, I expect that you two have divorced by now. No? Oh, damn I was gonna ask for Theresa's phone number.

 

Still married but...we are swingers so asking for the phone number is not totally inappropriate

 

 

Teresa

[lovinher 505]

It's been a while since this has come up

 

I think there should be a forum on how swinging fucked up everybody's marriage.

 

It amazes me that people don't get that if swinging affected a marriage or relationship negatively that there was obviously something wrong in the first place. A lot of couples seem to think that swinging will fix things and we all know that will not happen. I do believe it will magnify a problem and open the door to other issues that may be there.

 

So if you want to find out how strong your relationship is...then by all means, swing. You will find out in a heartbeat.

[twobears 16]

Hi I hope you will write more in detail of the experience so all of us on the board can try to point you toward a more comfortable space over this experience.

 

We are still newbies as it goes with only 3 or 4 years and limited experience up here in Alaska with our age it is not very often we play. I can tell you the first experience we had with a 3 som with another female, which is what we both wanted to experience, even with all the talking there was wrong impressions given to us by the other party. Yes I cried and I was mad at the other female, we speak that is all now.

 

WE did not want this "one" time bad experience to take hold of us as a couple and turn us into something we both did not like. Yes realize "we only need each other" is a good feeling and will always be you as a couple, swinging burns out all of the deep personal feeling of our nature that needs to be placed in proper balance, that is up to you two to complete. Look and put these feeling in the right place and go on with new experiences in the lifestyle.

 

Read about all of the people on here that want to help you with the personal pain, if you are willing to "openly" face what you feel and talk about it. Your personal out look on life will free you and hubbie to be what the creator wants, enjoy your life being the sexual persons you each are.

 

The wonderful thing about the lifestyle is the trust and knowing your mate loves you and you him or her. This will give you both more pleasure with each other as well as the richer life is can give a couple, more than you can realize now in this pain.

 

I hope you will talk to us more in detail and we all can share our growing experiences with you. I hope you will hold on to the love for each other and let go of the pain and enjoy life. Swinging will not do what you feel it will do to your marriage or anyone's I am so thankful I let myself grow and put the old fears away become the woman and couple that is free to be ourselves loving life and every moment with us and other in this life. I hope you will one day reach that goal also.

 

Good Luck and please write again.

[bendmeovernow 17]

well damn... we've only been in it a year... and yes... it's not for everyone. We have seen people we know split up. but that was because one or both didn't want to follow the rules they set up .... sooooo it didn't work. but hey I guess we are all doomed... darn.

[knb2004 364]

Still married but...we are swingers so asking for the phone number is not totally inappropriate

 

 

Teresa

 

No way! After all, everyone knows if you dabble with the swinging monster your marriage will be gone before you know it!

 

/sarcasm

 

Now, about that phone number.... hehehe.

[shymxcpl 71]

DAMN!!!

 

I hadn't read this post and my wife an I went out and f&cked another couple!!! I guess our whole marriage of 10 years is ruined!!!

 

Why didn't you guys make this a sticky?!?!?!

 

LOL...

[petra6998 15]

Well should I be calling a lawyer then....geez 6 years of swinging....it's all going to start going down hill soon.....

 

Our relationship probably wouldn't have lasted this long without it. We have become much more intouch with each other, and know our wants and needs more. It's great would suggest it for many!!

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Swinging isn't for everybody, and every couple should make informed decisions about the lifestyle for themselves. Some couples make very bad decisions. Most couples don't.

 

As to the troll nature of this thread; ok, it is a troll. So what? I think for new couples embarking on the adventure of swinging, this thread can serve to highlight a valid concern some people have, and respond to it.

[mixtupcpl 169]

50% of marriages end in divorce right? I mean that's an actual stat. I agree that it is really very unlikely that "the staff" has *any clue* what the personal lives of any of these members are about. But figure that in *any* gathering of couples, there are about 50/50 odds for any one of them surviving long term.

 

I'd actually be willing to bet that successful swinger couples have much lower odds of separation.

 

I'd also be willing to bet that some number of couples who really don't belong together and are on their way to a breakup "experiment" in the final days in an attempt to fix things that cant be fixed.

 

The interesting stat would be of the 50% of folks who *dont* get divorced, how many live some sort of alternate lifestyle...

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

50% of marriages end in divorce right? I mean thats an actual stat. I agree that it is really very unlikely that "the staff" has *any clue* what the personal lives of any of these members are about. But figure that in *any* gathering of couples, there are about 50/50 odds for any one of them surviving long term.

 

I'd actually be willing to bet that successful swinger couples have much lower odds of separation.

 

When my wife and I first started looking into swinging, I spent a LOT of time researching things like this to add to our discussions. Neither of us wanted to get into something that had a pretty good chance of harming our relationship. The idea of watching my wife have sex with someone else was notionally highly erotic to me, but it wasn't worth screwing up our marriage over.

 

What I found; swingers, by far, have higher marital satisfaction then non-swinging married couples. The divorce rate is considerably lower. The cheating rate, which is upwards of 50% in non-swinging couples, is less than 2% in swinging couples.

 

Chicken and egg? No idea which came first. But, successful swingers need to have stable, deep relationships. Nobody here on this forum will tell a non-stable couple to get into swinging.

 

These stats didn't really influence our decision to try swinging. What did influence us was that a considerably large majority of swingers reported positive effects on their marriage from swinging, and only a very, very small portion reported negative effects.

 

The reality; if swinging destroyed marriages, swing clubs would be out of business for lack of customers. Sites like swinglifestyle.com wouldn't be very successful. Forums like this one would have shriveled up and died. It's blatantly obvious that swinging doesn't destroy marriages. There are plenty of other ways marriages can be destroyed. But, having sex with other people with your spouse's consent isn't one of them.

 

Lots of non-swingers assume that swinging must be bad, because cheating to have extra-marital sex is bad. That's not a logical conclusion. Swinging doesn't involve cheating. Cheating is the negative component of cheating to have extra-marital sex. Eliminate the cheating, and you're left with extra-marital sex. It's not for everybody, but for couples with a stable, deep relationship where both would like to enjoy extra-marital sex, there's no default, base reason why having sex with someone else is bad.

[NealnAnji 30]

Great comment by bbarnsworth. We feel likewise, and, our experience has been very positive as far as swinging goes. If anything, swinging has made our marriage more secure and enriched at the same time.

 

All said and done, swinging is not for everyone or for every and all couples in this world. This hardly needs repeating. If your marriage is secure and both husband and wife are open to experiencing social as well as sexual intercourse with other partners, that is, someone else's hubby/wife/mate, then swinging is for you.

 

We have been happily married a long time and have never felt our marriage threatened because of swinging and the fact that wife or hubby plays with and has sexual intercourse with another male or female. Experiencing and enjoying sex with a variety of partners is, to us, a very satisfying and enriching experience.

 

If the marriage is insecure and/or you cannot overcome jealousy when watching your mate playing with another potential sex partner, and then he/she goes all the way to uninhibited sexual play followed by intercourse, then swinging is definitely not for you.

 

Swinging and enjoying sex with a variety of partners is a consciously made choice for a couple, not a compulsion or something to do because other couples are doing it. Swinging is not the right lifestyle choice for all couples and sundry.