Does it bother you if you can't see/touch your partner?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

How many of you "same-room swing" couples get antsy if, during play, your spouse heads off to the bathroom to take a shower with the other woman?

 

Or maybe your spouse is not in view during play because he's on the floor with the other woman while you're on the bed?

 

And I'm even curious about when they are in view, but not near enough to touch, does that bring on discomfort for one of the couple you're playing with?

 

Anybody see this happening with their playpartners, or find this happening with themselves while playing?

 

LM

[Spoomonkey 421]

How many of you "same-room swing" couples get antsy if, during play, your spouse heads off to the bathroom to take a shower with the other woman?

 

For us, this doesn't happen. We actually discussed the "shower" scenario and weren't comfortable with it. We all play/stay in the same room.

 

Or maybe your spouse is not in view during play because he's on the floor with the other woman while you're on the bed?

 

If you are having sex with someone, you are going to focus on them. Glancing over at Mrs Spoo, catching her twinkling eyes and seeing her "damn, I'm having fun" smile, are incredible. But, it is not like I stare at ther the entire time I'm with a playmate.

 

You could poke the wrong thing doing that...

 

And I'm even curious about when they are in view, but not near enough to touch, does that bring on discomfort for one of the couple you're playing with?

 

No. We will play on seperate beds - or other assorted pieces of furniture. Touching is really nice, but it isn't always practical.

 

Anybody see this happening with their playpartners, or find this happening with themselves while playing?

 

We are probably the oddballs. We always do same room - for the very reason that doing this together is the turn on for us. But we have never had an experience where the couple we were with didn't pay attention to us. And, I would venture a guess that the couples that we have played with were quite satisfied by the amount of attention we paid them.

 

Spoomonkey

[MrXxotic 18]

We are always same room but are ok if we are out of touch/sight. We don't stop playing if one of us gets up to go to the bathroom or refill the ice bucket. Many times the girls have continued playing or taken a shower together while the guys "recharged" or went out for drinks. What we won't do is "You two go in there and fuck while we go in here and fuck".

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

...Many times the girls have continued playing or taken a shower together while the guys "recharged" or went out for drinks. What we won't do is "You two go in there and fuck while we go in here and fuck".

So what you are saying is that it's okay if the women fuck out of sight, but not male/female fucking? This is were I'm somewhat perplexed. What is the concern or should I use a stronger word "threat" if the man and woman are together then?

 

Is there a perceived safety of no relationship developing when two woman play?

 

Is there a perceived worry that if a man and woman play they will develop too close a relationship?

 

My questions aren't designed to imply there is anything wrongn with your choice, I'm just trying to understand that thinking.

 

LM

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

For us, this doesn't happen. We actually discussed the "shower" scenario and weren't comfortable with it. We all play/stay in the same room.

I like you to elaborate on this rule, if you can.

 

LM

[TNT 1,155]

Even though we are basically "same room play", it doesn't really bother us if the other is not within sight range or touch range and with same room play, it's kind of hard to be out of hearing range.

 

The last two play sessions we had were in separate rooms...which even though was not planned just worked out that way and didn't bother either of us. I will add that both times were with a couple we are extremely close to, so that did play a part in it...with a couple we didn't know well, separate room play probably is not going to be an option.

 

We perfer same room in that we greatly enjoy listening, seeing and touching each other but...it's not always a necessity as we have recently found. We've discovered that even if we can't see, touch or hear each other...we are greatly connected in our minds no matter the distance involved.

 

 

Teresa

[MrXxotic 18]

Likeminds,

 

It isn't a security issue at all. There have been times I have left Angel alone with a guy/couple while I went for ice, return an important phone call, check in with the sitter, etc. She has surprised a single male while he was in the shower and I was watching TV. We want to be able to see each other and join in if we want to. We actually prefer the group thing with everyone in the same bed but realize that this is not always possible. We definately do not seperate and play behind closed doors. Neither one want to be excluded from the others play.

[marybear 15]

I understand what everyone is saying. My question would be as a first timer is there a larger possability for jealousy issues is to come up?

[Lumina 16]

The Mr. and I discussed this the other day when I asked him about the baking cookies scenario brought up in the ED thread. At the moment it's just something he's not comfortable with. It's not about a relationship developing; it's that he's my protector. On the small chance the guy gets too rough with me, he wants to be there to kick ass. I hadn't thought of the bathroom thing, though. If he's not done and I gotta pee....

 

Even if safety weren't a concern, we'd probably still be same room. For all the reasons Spoo put so nicely.

[Lumina 16]

I understand what everyone is saying. My question would be as a first timer is there a larger possability for jealousy issues is to come up?

I would expect so. I've read a lot of stories where this happened, anyway. Even if we were planning on separate room play, we'd start out in the same room first.

[intuition897 2,179]

We've done separate room play and it had its charms. I found it kinda kinky because it was left to your imagination what was going on in the next room. This could cause serious jealousy issues, though, if you're prone to it.

 

During that particular play session, we included both same and seaparate room. We don't have a preference; it doesn't make much difference to us. Just whatever strikes our fancy. Depends greatly on your partners, I think.

[Chicup 42]

How many of you "same-room swing" couples get antsy if, during play, your spouse heads off to the bathroom to take a shower with the other woman?

 

We wouldn't do that kind of thing unless we were totally comfortable with a couple in which case we wouldn't be antsy.

 

Or maybe your spouse is not in view during play because he's on the floor with the other woman while you're on the bed?

 

Thats not a issue really. Everyone is in 'earshot' so to speak.

 

And I'm even curious about when they are in view, but not near enough to touch, does that bring on discomfort for one of the couple you're playing with?

 

Never was an issue even from the beginning.

 

Anybody see this happening with their playpartners, or find this happening with themselves while playing?

 

LM

 

We used to be same room only, but have moved to seperate provided the couple in question are true friends. I think other than your first shower question, most well adjusted same room couples wouldn't have a problem. I'd be a little....umm...concerned if a couple felt they had to be in touching distance at all times or freak out.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I like you to elaborate on this rule, if you can.

 

It is really pretty simple - when Mrs Spoo and I take a shower together, there is always some level of play; usually light since there just isn't much appeal for us to have sex in the shower.

 

So - Mrs Spoo taking a shower with a playmate would mean - for us anyway - play. And since we always play together, and have a very small shower, we don't shower with our playmates.

 

You asked in another response what was the "threat". Honestly, I think that is very much the wrong term. I am not really threatened by her playing alone - I just don't enjoy it. Same with her. It would make us uncomfortable - but more importantly it just doesn't appeal to us.

 

I am not threatened that Mrs Spoo will "fall" for a playmate. I am very confident in our relationship. Despite a perception (posted a few times around here) that same room only couples are somewhat less evolved, mature or ready to move beyond "swinging 101" - swinging for us is about "us". Because of that we do what will make the experience exciting for "us". Why do anything any different? Why play in more "advanced" ways if it doesn't enhance your enjoyment of the sexual adventure?

 

As I have said before - I think "mature" swinging isn't being able to do certain things (like playing seperately). "Mature" swinging is the ability to know what you enjoy - what you are comfortable with; being able to communicate that effectively with your spouse; and then doing just that. "Mature" swingers make swinging work for them

 

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think other than your first shower question, most well adjusted same room couples wouldn't have a problem.

 

Here's where the issue gets a little personal. What does it mean to be "well adjusted"? A couple who is same room only is less adjusted? How so? I would think a couple who is intimately in touch with their interests, comfort zones and partners would be quite well adjusted.

 

Is a base jumper any better adjusted than the run of the mill skydiver?

 

Spoomonkey

[fun4Ds 1,098]

i guess i have what input i know on this matter sorry if i get long winded

 

i have to agree with the spoomonkies feelings on this. we are same room people or furnature for that matter we dont have to hold each others hands to have sex with other people. but we dont do the you go in there, and we will go in here thing. why? honestly we just dont feel we need that.we haven't asked each other for such an event.

 

i dont know if that means we haven't evolved....

 

we did almost meet a couple that was honest about this though, the guy couldn't have sex with his wife in the same room, he just couldn't do it.. so they had their rules wanting things the way they wanted.they were honest about everything and we found respect in that. we just looked at each other and thaught we will cross that bridge when we get there for our satisfaction also.open minded

 

situation #2 mrs.fun stopped by some friends house to drop off some items that she had picked up for them at the store. well the mr. is in the shower and the mrs. has some questions, and they all three end up in the bathroom together. oh yes he had his hopes and personaly i dont blame him, their good friends and i would have been fine with any play that might have happend but mrs.fun decided no play without me and thats.... cool, but not a problem.

 

another time we were at a club and mrs.fun was putting away our stuff and a guy grabs her and kisses her and tries to lead to lets have some quality time on our own. now this guy knew our same room rules, oh yes he knew. now thats just being an asshole. but mrs.fun handled the situation and came to me promptly. no drama but why would someone try to test her/us?

 

so i guess where im going with this is. maby some day we might be into seperate rooms but that will be our bridge to cross together when we get there. and i can only hope its with someone that has the insight that we have seen in this post.

[Chicup 42]

Here's where the issue gets a little personal. What does it mean to be "well adjusted"? A couple who is same room only is less adjusted? How so? I would think a couple who is intimately in touch with their interests, comfort zones and partners would be quite well adjusted.

 

Is a base jumper any better adjusted than the run of the mill skydiver?

 

Spoomonkey

 

If you couldn't swing unless you were in constant arm length of your partner, I'd call that a couple that maybe shouldn't be swinging and has potential issues. I have no problem with same room only couples, we are same room 95% of the time, but we arn't freaky about it either.

 

Hell there were many times we were in touching distance and that was fun , but if she shifted a few inches out of reach I wouldn't have felt it was a problem.

[WesternSwing 504]

How many of you "same-room swing" couples get antsy if, during play, your spouse heads off to the bathroom to take a shower with the other woman?

 

Or maybe your spouse is not in view during play because he's on the floor with the other woman while you're on the bed?

 

And I'm even curious about when they are in view, but not near enough to touch, does that bring on discomfort for one of the couple you're playing with?

 

Anybody see this happening with their playpartners, or find this happening with themselves while playing?

 

LM

A while back, yeah, the shower thing would have bothered me, but none of the rest has ever been an issue. Since we've become comfortable enough for seperate play even the shower thing is not an issue. In fact, recently Mrs. WS told me to go take a shower with a playmate.

 

Our rule is that we just ask each other. If Mrs. WS wants to go to a seperate room or to play with someone alone when I'm not playing, all she has to do is ask me if I mind. Although neither of us has exercised this veto power yet, we both have it equally and without question.

 

Mr. WS

[Chicup 42]

Why does there have to be a problem with the marriage everytime someone states a preference that is not as swinger as the next. Can't find the right words for that comment.

I really don't think Spoo gets "freaked out" if Mrs. Spoo is a few inches beyond reach. this is making a bigger issue then what is there. They simply prefere to play in the same room. I am sorry for speaking for you Spoo's.

 

LM's question was touching distance, I answered that question. I don't think anyone said there was a problem in a marriage if you had to swing that way, but I do think it shows a level of insecurity in swinging I wouldn't want to be part of.

 

Try not to read to much into statements that should be taken at face value.

[prettylady 221]

Sorry I misunderstood you Chicup.

 

If you couldn't swing unless you were in constant arm length of your partner, I'd call that a couple that maybe shouldn't be swinging and has potential issues.

 

This is the statement that made me think you were questioning the strength of the marriage.

Again if I misread this statement I am sorry.

Still friends?

 

Your friend,

Prettylady

[EvilMJ 65]

Even though we are a couple who does play separately from time to time, it all comes down to the people we are playing with.

 

There are couples who I wouldn't bat an eye if hubby said he wanted to play alone with the wife, or decided they were going to shower together, but there are others that I wouldn't feel so comfortable with.

 

I know what spoo is talking about. That sick feeling in your stomach wondering what is going on while you are not there. Even though you trust your spouce, you just can't help it. It's happened to me before. It was becuase I didn't trust the wife. In fact we no longer play with them for that reason. Sometimes you can help feeling the way you are feeling. I don't think it makes anyone insecure or their relationships weak, I think it just makes us human.

 

I like to deal with things on a case by case bases. The way we play is taylored toward the people we play with, taking personalities, rules, comfort zones into consideration.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I don't think anyone said there was a problem in a marriage if you had to swing that way, but I do think it shows a level of insecurity in swinging I wouldn't want to be part of.

 

I did have to read your responses a few times to get the point, so I can see why Pretty Lady might have misunderstood.

 

Personally, I am not going to judge a couple's relationship - or the individual parts of that couple - because they have more or less restrictive play rules than we do. Everyone makes the lifestyle their own. The "secure" couples are the ones who are able to do that - without regard for what others might think of them.

 

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey 421]

I know what spoo is talking about. That sick feeling in your stomach wondering what is going on while you are not there.

 

It really isn't even that. We have tried seperate play and the idea that Mrs Spoo was at home with a couple while I was at work was incredibly hot. But, for her, she was bored - missing me - just plain not having any fun.

 

I thought about that and realized I'd be the same way. I completely enjoy most of my playmates - and being with them is something that sticks in my head like a neon sticky note - inspiring vivid fantasies. They aren't just peripheral pieces in something Mrs Spoo and I are doing... But without her there, it just wouldn't be the same.

 

Spoomonkey

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

I'm comfortable with any arrangement with one rule. If Laurie says "No, I don't want to do that." and then has to repeat herself, I want to be in earshot so that a lesson on the meaning of the word "NO" can begin promptly.

If we know and trust the couple well I'm more comfortable with more distance. It's a safety thing. Nobodies going to force my sweetie to do anything she doesn't want to do.

[prettylady 221]

I am a newbie, Planning on becoming one of the elite.

I can say with all honesty that yes I think for the first time seperate room would freak me out.

I am still adjusting to the idea of Dog kissing another woman right there infront of me.

After a lifetime of thinking that is wrong I now have to adjust my way of thinking. As well as Oh my gosh Dog is watching me kiss another man. When does the fists start flying. Such a different way of looking at things.

I can't wait until we can take the next step. I am nervous but excited.

But like I said earlier, I think my mind would be scrambling if I was not near Dog the first time.

I hope I answered your question alright

Your friend,

Prettylady