Transition Lines

[Spoomonkey 421]

So - you have said, "Hello."

 

Not only did they say "Hello" back, but you have progressed to talking about kids or cars or jobs... And this could go on all night, as the beer runs dry and the building empties out and the music changes from "get your bootie on the dance floor" to "get the fuck out of my club."

 

No one wants that: to be the two couples who have wasted an entire night not making the transition... Those guys who need to be kicked out because they spent all night talking...

 

Sure - sometimes you just get lost in the conversation and the idea of sex never occurs as something you are ready to pursue. But, let's face it, more times than not we want to turn that corner.

 

This thread will be a good place to post your best transition lines. What is a "transition line"? It is the line you use to turn the conversation towards play without saying bluntly, "So - you guys want to get freaky?"

 

For example, the line we have thought to use is:

 

"So, what are you guys into?"

 

Now - you can add transitional statements that work for you - and you can critque the ones - including my example - that others post.

 

As an FYI - we have always been that couple who can talk to anyone, but never quite know how to "make that turn." We are working on that part of our "skill set". And your input is really appreciated!

 

Spoomonkey

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We have no problems with being blunt. Last weekend there were two couples that we talked to all night, and finally Drew said, "hey, are we going to the room?" One of the couples begged off (at least for that night), and after getting to the room with the other couple, we talked a little bit and I said, "so, what are you guys into? What are your rules?" I hardly think if you've gotten to a certain point that anybody's going to be offended that you suggest sex. When we've been the nervous ones, we've been relieved.

 

A few weeks ago, we were at our single guy friend's house, and I said, "who wants to play?" and I raised my hand. Drew and our friend got the idea .

 

Just come on out with it!

 

Pepper

[EvilMJ 65]

Well for us the club is a hotel where generally we have a room. So our usual line is "do you guys want to go upstairs and have a drink somewhere's quiet."

 

I have also used "Okay, enough of this, lets go upstairs and do something fun." - strangley this one has the best results . I guess I am just not the shy type.

[bear_and_babe 68]

Bear and I are that couple also. We can talk to anyone, but are also having trouble "making that turn". There have been times where we talked to a couple all night, and just when we say we have to leave then they say something like, "Aw, we were hoping you would want to play". So I guess we are not the only ones having this problem. I will be very interested in what others say to turn the conversation to playing.

[good times 991]

Yes please, let's have some ideas, we suck at this.

 

Since we are so bad at this, I haven't really got any good ones to share that we have tried. Lets face it, to get us in the sack you need to be pretty direct. So, the only thing I can contribute is a few that others have used that have worked on us.

 

"So, you want to get a room?" At our favorite club they have private rooms, so this one is pretty common.

 

"So, what are you guys into?" No, it wasn't Spoomonkey's that used this one on us, but it probably would have worked had they done so.

 

"So, you want to go fuck?" Seems a little blunt but it once worked on us.

 

"So, what's your sign?" Just kidding, haven't heard that one yet.

 

We are working on getting better at this too, but I have to say that some people are just natural closers. we have even had people that were so good at this that we ended up playing with them even though we really weren't into them that much.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We are working on getting better at this too, but I have to say that some people are just natural closers.

 

Who knew the 5 step sales process would come in so handy? I never thought of it that way, but you

1) greet

2) qualify (so, is this your first time here, how long have you guys been in the lifestyle, are y'all from here blah, blah, blah)

3) recommend (ah, well, we'll have to do dinner sometime, etc.)

4) close the sale (I really would like to see if your skin tastes as good as it looks facelick )

5) follow-up (the email the next day, or over breakfast...whichever )

 

Yep...who'da thunk it?

 

Pepper

[TNT 1,155]

"So, you want to go fuck?"

 

 

Ummm...that's my line I've used it numerous times...it seems to work pretty good.

 

 

Teresa

[tribbles 490]

The best line ever used on us was "we are going to the group room, we want to invite you to come watch and join in if you feel comfortable".

[intuition897 2,179]

Usually it went something like this: "Gee this is awkward [nervous laugh]. We really suck at this part of the date. " This was sometimes followed up with a suggestion for something like a massage. Seemed to work okay.

 

We still really suck at that "transition" thing, though.

[Dooode 18]

Fun topic, SpooMonkey!

 

98% of the time, I allow others to make first contact, usually online. If it develops into a date and we meet at a mutual location, I keep the conversation swing-related and our personal lives at the peripheral of the conversation. The transition becomes very easy because the purpose for the meeting is never far from anyone's mind.

 

Twice (that I can think of) became "we don't match".

 

The scenerio you painted is one that would almost be a nightmare for me. I can hold a conversation, but I hate small talk. I really suck at it. I only need to know that they're healthy, curious, adventurous ... if I get into politics or philosophical discussions, I might find out something I REALLY don't want to know.

 

If the discussion remains around swinging, or funny swing stories, or fantasies or rules (or whatever), then the conversation easily turns to "Hey, let's get out of here and go to ... ". Dates typically run 1 to 1 1/2 hours, which is enough to ascertain swing compatibility.

 

I know that's fast for some people. But I do take a little longer if I'm going to propose marriage.

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

Depends on where we are. If at a swing club, She will usually tell me we're taking a walk (heading to the play area) and then tell the woman of the other couple (or couples), "we're heading to the back, care to join us?". Once there She has no problem closing the deal. If at a home with another couple, depends. If there's already been a lot of physical play going on: "I think we need to move this to the bedroom". If no play so far and we both agree and feel they both are waiting for some way to broach the subject I might pull out the dice. One has actions, one has body parts. If they are intrigued we'll let them roll them a few times, just to see what comes up. Then have them do whatever comes up to their partner. A few times around the table, and we'll let the roller decide who does the action and who receives the attention. That crosses the touching someone else boundary. From there, modify the rules to direct the flow, until the dice are no longer necessary. There are several different versions, some tamer, some wilder, some male oriented and some female oriented. They have worked for us with first-timers.

 

The only rule we have that I enforce is that She always sets the pace and makes the decisions. If approached and She says no, I'll make the announcement. I do retain veto power, although I've only used it when she wants to say no, but doesn't want to offend. I'm sure everyone has figured out I'm not afraid to offend.

[pumpkins1970 17]

We have come to that point a few times ourselves, where you are kinda of like uh...uh...(ok think of something to say stupid!) But a female part of one of the cpls's we have played with really seemed to know how to overcome this. She simply excused herself and went to the bathroom, when she came back her pants were off...we got the hint! Now maybe someday we may use that approach ourselves!

[Tia Vampire 167]

I think being blunt is the best way too. Everyone knows what they are there for and when someone makes the first move, it takes away that feeling of ,"Are they really interested". :rollseyes We have used " are we going to get this party started or what?", "We would love to meet up again, if that's possible." and "can we seal the frienship with a kiss or a try out."

[fun4Ds 1,098]

kinda got me thinkin,the last time we had some guest over we had a wonderfull meal and lots of conversation. me and the mr. had some harley, fishin, sex kinda guy talk. and the girls had everything from kids,cooking,sales, and previous dates, talkin goin on.

 

its about 1:am

 

so as im coming out of the bathroom,into the bedroom( they were in the dinningroom) and i just kinda hollerd out " hey i'm nakid in here does anyone want to get nakid?)

 

then there was an eternaty of silence................... they never said a word.......

 

then 3 people came smashing each other through the door jumping on the bed for some all out grabbing, sucking and fucking like you wouldn't believe.

 

what a night to rember.... facelick

 

so i can't see anything wrong with trying to break the transitional lines

[driveajeepnaked 26]

I'm usually the one that lights a fire under the conversation, and keeps it on track, after the usual chatter. I'll usually ask if they want to come back to the house and jump in the hot-tub or pool. The hot-tub is usually a good lead in to nekkidness... the sign on the door that says "Nude Only" let's everyone know that if they plan on staying and tubbing, then the clothes come off

 

Once there are 4 or more bodies in a 4 person tub... things just touch !! Well, there's always the line, "Hey, you really need to try this jet right here...yup, just sit right there... a little to the left..."

 

V

[Thrax 384]

I always wanted to try the line, "There's a party in my pants, you wanna come?," as a launching point, but if I've chatted up a woman or couple long enough I don't want to endanger a potential hook-up by being too glib.

 

Maybe I'll try it with someone I've played with before, so when some playing seems inevitable I can drop it into the conversation for a laugh...and to get things rolling.

 

Oh, and I guess I'd have to at least have underwear on to make it topical.

 

Thrax (Geekin' it to the max)

 

P.S. The line is actually based on a line from a Barnes and Barnes tune, "Party in My Pants." It may be very obscure, but they're the same duo that debuted their song "Fish Heads (Roly-Poly Fish Heads)" on Saturday Night Live in 1980.

[driveajeepnaked 26]

Very cool line, Thrax... and I had fun looking up the Fish Heads guys...

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnes_&_Barnes#External_links

 

Anyone heard "The Devil Went Down to Jamaica" parody?? So funny...

 

V

[Jester 15]

Awesome thread, love the topic!

 

It really touches on a very interesting point. Whether it's a couple you arranged a date with via on-line contact or just met in a club, it doesn't matter there is an underlying purpose for the conversation that everyone is aware of. It is to possibly find new playmates. So that is an underlying current, possibly tension of all interaction in those situations. Yet because most of us don't want to come off as pushy or aggressive we tend to stumble a bit at the lets get naked moment. So what do we do, over think the situation and over complicate it.

 

For us the more difficult situation is the transition when it is a date scenario, generally you have gotten together at a neutral location in a public place. So the flirting, conversation and all is generally more discrete. However to get the play started it requires someone suggesting we all leave a place where we have established a comfort zone and putting ourselves in a possibly awkward situation with people who are still strangers. So how many times have we all come to the end of a night, been standing in the parking lot telling each other what a fun night we just had hanging with them, waiting for them to say something while they are waiting for you to say something and next thing you know both couples are in their cars driving home because no one said anything......

 

So we kind of learned from a few of those moments that someone needs to put themselves out there, so we have come up with this approach so far. During the night, if it is a couple we want to play with, at some point one of us will say something to the effect of "we are very comfortable with you guys" Based on the response to that we take it from there.

 

Since we only go to on-premise clubs the transition is easier for us, it just sort of happens. It isn't even like we have an MO or favorite lines, it just seems as if our voyeuristic, curious nature helps us here. At some point I will look around the club and say something like "I wonder if anyone is playing yet?" That usually generates a few comments and then since there is only one way to find out for sure I usually follow that up with a "Time to check out the rooms and see, lets go" Almost always that gets an OK and we all walk into the play area, see couples having sex and get all charged up and the next thing you know we are in a room playing.

[sereneiders 263]

Great thread. We'¡re stuck at this, too.

 

Moreover when you're in the other side, and you get it wrong something for a transition line.

 

We're regulars of this club. We're there, teasing with another couple of regulars. They have way more experience than us, about ten years of going there, they know and joke about this, calling us "newbies", and we go along with the game "right... so we need to learn and you'd could teach us". They casually tell us they didn't saw up "upstairs", we say the truth: we've been there, we can go upstairs, but it isn't the most confortable place for us, since we live close and had no kids, we feel more confortable doing things at home, however we're up to move upstairs.

Later on, we're having fun: there are those long balloons hanging from the ceiling (someone's birthday), the ladies climb on the stage and start dancing by the pole, strip teasing, pleaying with each other, the other husband encourage them, they use to engage in MFMs so he teases a couple of singles around, the thing becomes hotter, my wife give to me some oral with they around, we all make a pause to buy drinks, some other regulars approaches and there's a chit chat that colds down the ambience, and finally the four of us end up alone, a few steps from the stair.

 

The husband says "well, guys... we're going upstairs" and keep looking at me. I think "ok, this is the transition line", and answer "well... you're the teachers... are you inviting us upstairs?". - "Oh.. I tought you said before you didn't go upstairs!". - "Mmmm I said it isn't the best place for us, but that we can and indeed, we did". - "I see... then, let's go upstairs".

 

Once there we start looking for a free place, the husband enters in one room while we're in the hall, a couple of times I approach the wife... as I did downstairs all nite long, but she moves away from me, places herself with my wife in between and start a little chit chat with her. I get the message and give her the space she's requiring. The husband appears from this room and calls his wife with his hand. She moves in and lay down on a couch, we wait by the door, confussed, and start looking at each other. I tell my wyfe "look, she suddenly frooze with me, this doesn't feel ok, let's better leave them alone". The problem was, we didn't want to reject them (we like them), nor allow them to suppose we leave because we're not confortable there or with them. The husband comes out, with this tense smile in his face, trying to pick what to say. I give him the way out, telling him the truth "Look, I feel your wife was politely rejecting me, I don't know if she isn't on the mood right now or if she dislikes me, and it doesn't care, I mean, anyway it is fine. You two are great guys and no one is obligued to do anything, so we'll leave you alone". -"Oh well, yes... you know, having fun downstairs is great, too". -"Emmm... yes, right". We enter the room, I kiss the wife on the cheek, my wife gives the husband a kiss on his lips, we wave goodbye and leave them alone. I realized this guy understood we hardly would follow them upstairs, and by telling us "we're going upstairs" he was calling the night off with us.

 

After two and a half years of going there, all of this keeps being too confussing for us. Go figure, we cannot even tell the difference between normal lines and transition ones from more experienced people... we just took a "good bye" line for a transitional one!

 

Add to this the fact that I am a very respectfull guy. I mean, I wouldn't touch another woman without having some solid clue that I can do it. Even with regular women who, you can tell, are up to be touched (some even by unknown guys), but... it's a matter of principles, a way to make it clear that I know the rules and I am up to follow them, and we've been told by other regulars they noticed it and appreciate it. However, I also perceive that this is way more easy for "less respectfull" people, so it's even hard for me to know where we are at each moment with another couple.

 

I guess we have a lot to learn about this.

[harsh 15]

"We've done so well tonight in getting to know one another; any chance of continuing this on a more intimate level?"

 

I see it as a non pressure way of imparting your intentions, whether that ends up being tonight, tomorrow night, or next weekend, or maybe later.

[She_n_Jaybee 15]

For us the more difficult situation is the transition when it is a date scenario, generally you have gotten together at a neutral location in a public place. So the flirting, conversation and all is generally more discrete. However to get the play started it requires someone suggesting we all leave a place where we have established a comfort zone and putting ourselves in a possibly awkward situation with people who are still strangers. So how many times have we all come to the end of a night, been standing in the parking lot telling each other what a fun night we just had hanging with them, waiting for them to say something while they are waiting for you to say something and next thing you know both couples are in their cars driving home because no one said anything......

 

 

This sort of describes how She and I met (well, technically renewed acquaintances, We spent 6 years as classmates, although never friends). We had seen each other at our 10 year reunion, but I was married and she was with someone. Fifteen years later at our 25th reunion, she gets me to dance and after I spend 45 minutes debating whether I'm ready to become involved again, I go to talk with her. Some of the never stopped partying crowd talk a bunch of us into heading to a bar, just a block away. Too smokey so we all head to Taco Bell for a late night snack and some talk. By this time She has latched on to me like a bulldog and I'm not complaining. A few more hours of talk and we're finally sitting in her car alone. It's very late, and I have yet to make a move. Here's my problem: She is staying at her parents house (her house is a 75 mile drive) and my place is just 10 minutes away, plus I live alone. The signals are there, but the house is a complete disaster. Too long as a bachelor and never at home, I was afraid of scaring her off. So I do make my move (She says "Finally!"), we make out for awhile until it's obvious we both are ready to get down to some business. Then I have to put her off, finally agreeing to meet the next afternoon. This time, I had to tell her my two reasons for not taking her the 1/2 mile to my place. First, "it's a disaster and I would be embarassed, let me clean it up first", and "I'm tired of jumping right into bed and finding out that we're not on the same page. Either the woman wants a relationship I don't, or vice versa".

 

Fortunately, She has some patience. The following weekend I made the trip to her house and it was definitely worth the wait!

 

We now return you to our regularly scheduled topic.

[SuAndBud 23]

Su generally says we (not I - WE) need to go shower. That's not an invite to all pile into the cubicle, it's just her way of saying that time's getting on and we'll feel like shit in the morning, otherwise.

 

Bud might say "you wanna go for a shower, baby" to Su. (Which can sometimes mean let's all pile in there).

 

The shower (or maybe the hot tub if you're lucky enough to own one) is the perfect way of saying let's get naked - clean and naked.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

To me when it comes to meet people in vanilla settings, it's hard not to end up awkward... either because of a lack of chemistry and trying to transition to "uh, we gotta go"... or if there is chemistry and trying to transition to "hey you wanna go home with us?". This is a good thread, I'd like to see some more added to it.

[twohots4u2 188]

We invited two other couples we had never met to join us and try a guy's Sybian. After we had talked, snacked, drank, watched videos of gals on Sybians, and got to know each other, the three couples went upstairs to the bedroom and watched the guy show us how the Sybian worked. We were standing around the bed and the Sybian, clothed, and everyone was hesitating. None of the women wanted to go first. Finally one guy said, "The last gal to get undressed goes first." Suddenly women's clothes were flying everywhere. After a pause, my gal said, "We are not going to do anything while there is any guy with clothes still on." In about 30 seconds, everyone was nude, each of the the gals had one or more dicks in their hands, and the party was on.

[sweet_tna 680]

Hmmm. . . I haven't had too many problems getting things started . . . if we're on a date in a vanilla setting, then, "Hey, this place is getting a bit crowded/noisy, wanna' move this to a quieter place?"

 

Once in our place/hotel room, "Here. You. Now," seems to work real well for getting things started. And yes, I've literally said those very words. Subtlety is not my strong suit.

 

=)

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Yes please, let's have some ideas, we suck at this.

 

Since we are so bad at this, I haven't really got any good ones to share that we have tried. Lets face it, to get us in the sack you need to be pretty direct.

 

Us too. Great thread, wish we would have seen this one before now. Since I find this the most difficult aspect of swinging, I always envy some people's ability to make it seem so easy and effortless.

 

The Mrs is usually more shy than me, but once she makes a connection she is much better at sealing the deal than I am. When we make the invitation, she is the one that gets it done. When talking to the other guy, she uses something like "They (referring to me and his wife) seem to be hitting it off really good, you guys interested in spending some time together?" or "You're a lot of fun, do you think she's interested in going some where a little more private? I know he is." She then lets me know, he let's her know, and things kinda fall into place.

 

The best line we have heard is the wife of the other couple said to the Mrs "Do you mind if I take your husband in the bedroom and ravage him while y'all have fun in the other bedroom?" Direct and to the point , I just can't pull the trigger on anything close to that yet.

[notaswingeryet 21]

It would seem that the female half could use any line and transistion into play, or back out if there was akward silence. We men on the other hand have to be carefull with our lines lest they come off as crude and pushy.

I once had an aquaitance (can't say he was a friend) who could ask anyone "wannafuck?" with no shame. Amazing thing is he usally scored. Me, I'm going to sound like a bad teen movie if I try that aproach. Abought the only line I ever had any success with (not in a swinger situation) was "Would you like to try something different?" Perhaps that could be used in this context.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

Before L and I hooked up, the best one I heard was "well, S, time to get naked." I could tell from the tone it meant more than just getting naked.

 

The "transition" line that L uses very successfully is to take off her clothes and tell everyone "Looks like I'm the only one not overdressed." Works every time. You'd be amazed how quickly things transition after that.

 

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[Swingercast 91]

It would seem that the female half could use any line and transistion into play, or back out if there was akward silence. We men on the other hand have to be carefull with our lines lest they come off as crude and pushy.

 

Excellent point. I feel the same way. I let my wife do the "transitioning" that way I can be certain that we are travelling at the same speed.

 

I've had the opportunity to watch her in action and some of my favorites so far have been....

 

1. The Swing Set Game from greatsexgames.com - Forget the game, just play a few cards as an ice-breaker.

 

2. "I really like your (tatoo, piercing, breasts, panties, outfit). Do you mind if I get a closer look?

 

3. We're going upstairs (to the play area) if you are comfortable come up and join us.

 

John

[K&JIntimates 66]

Not very experienced but here are the transitional lines from our experiences.

 

1.) We're thinking of going back onto the big bed, would you two like to join us?

2.) Would you like to go into one of the back rooms for some massaging and touching?

3.) The husband of the other couple said something that led naturally into, "And with that, we'd like to invite you to join us in our hotel room."

 

The line I like best was Peppers, "I really would like to see if your skin tastes as good as it looks." I think that one has some wonderful possibilities.

[toycple 19]

Some of the ones we have used are these:

 

1. Who's ready for some fun?

 

2. You mind if I borrow your wife/husband?

 

3. Would you like to go play?

[cvcple 16]

the one line I remember the best was "we are getting a room. are you coming?" It worked for us. We have also asked "are you game tonight?" and it seems to work as well. We believe that if you spend most of the night with somebody chatting, there must be some chemistry and just about any line will break the ice.

[theflamekasters 20]

Some of the ones we have used are these:

 

1. Who's ready for some fun?

 

2. You mind if I borrow your wife/husband?

 

3. Would you like to go play?

 

I think we have heard those before....lmao

 

 

I am usually the more aggressive person of any group, i try not to be pushy, dont want that, but i tend to take the lead, when we are at the club, i will make it a gradual move, start with rubbin the leg and whisperin in the ear, then let the natural flow happen. Sometimes i ask so you think you man is ready to play with my wife? Or think they are havin fun, becuase i am ready to have some fun with you. If she is game, i usually stand up and tell my wife what i am doing and make sure it is ok with her hubby, then go, 99% of the time my wife follows right then. Her and i communicate if we are both "ok" witht the couple before we ever go play. If she isnt ok, then we no play!

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

Wonderful thread Spoo!!!!!

 

Well even with our combined years of experience in the lifestyle we too struggle with this as well. Pepper you make a great point in that it's the 5 steps of selling....

 

After spending sometime with a couple getting to know more about them, their likes dislikes etc I (Pam) will usually just simply ask them, "are you guys interested in getting better acquainted with each other?" .......which I then usually offer to go see what rooms are available if we get the yes response we are hoping for!

 

My biggest struggle is that I over think whether or not the other couple is interested........so I then to drag out the asking because lets face it nobody likes to hear no, while you understand it's going to happen, still doesn't mean you have to like it. We have found and both agree it's always more well received when the women do the asking verses the men. So Tom rarely will say anything other that the nidge toward me that he is interested........(he has this adorable raising of the brow thing he does followed by a gleam in his devilish eyes lol).....

 

In retrospec I would have to say I struggle more in "reading" the other couples signals as to if they are even interested than I do with asking........

[Jareth 15]

I didn't read the entire list, so apologies if someone has already mentioned this.

 

The swinger lifestyle is referred to as The Lifestyle. I have a background in the pick-up/seduction community which we refer to as simply The Community. In The Community, we have a term for what you are experiencing; it's called a sticking point. More specifically, your sticking point has to do with escalation.

 

I'm going to give you a very powerful example of how to fix this problem. There is quite a bit that goes into this, but I am a big fan of running before walking.

 

Do exactly this:

 

The next time you are in rapport (having fun) with a person, wait for a high point in the conversation. When that moment comes, say confidently and sincerely, "hey, I like you." After that, shut the fuck up. Do not speak, do not move, just hold eye contact and have a look of quiet expectancy. Stick to your guns, and wait for them to respond. After they do (usually by blushing and admitting that they like you too), you can release the tension and reward them with a hug, kiss, etc.

 

Other things you can say:

-You're sexy

-I want to kiss you

-Wow, that was one of those moments

-You look like you're a good kisser

-Any pointed open ended question

 

Ta da- you have just escalated. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

-Jareth

 

p.s. As I mentioned before, there are many reasons why this works, but if you do it just like this, you should see immediate results.

[notaswingeryet 21]

The next time you are in rapport (having fun) with a person, wait for a high point in the conversation. When that moment comes, say confidently and sincerely, "hey, I like you." After that, shut the fuck up. ~~, and wait for them to respond.

 

Nice plan, simple, easy to remember.

 

However you have to be absolutely sure of their response before diving in like that. If the other party responds with "I like you too but not in that way" you simply cover up your embarassment and move on. An "Eww I didn't mean to lead you on Eww" will result in a mounth of embarassment related performance issues. Most men dread that last response, and therefore allow our fear of rejection to cause us to dwell at the sticking point. Hitting it at the high point of the conversation could alleviate some of that fear, or it could push us to act reclessly, giddy with good emotions. There's a fine line there, I'm not sure I learned how to walk it.

[Jareth 15]

Nice plan, simple, easy to remember.

 

However you have to be absolutely sure of their response before diving in like that. If the other party responds with "I like you too but not in that way" you simply cover up your embarassment and move on. An "Eww I didn't mean to lead you on Eww" will result in a mounth of embarassment related performance issues. Most men dread that last response, and therefore allow our fear of rejection to cause us to dwell at the sticking point. Hitting it at the high point of the conversation could alleviate some of that fear, or it could push us to act reclessly, giddy with good emotions. There's a fine line there, I'm not sure I learned how to walk it.

 

(sigh)

 

Listen close... you have a basic human right to not feel inferior to anybody. Rest assured that a fear of rejection is rooted in self-esteem. I recommend that from this moment on you start seeing everyone for what they are: people FIRST and everything else second- that super hot babe by the bar is a person first and beautiful second; you are a person first and out for a good time second. That puts you on a level playing field, end of story.

 

Stating your intent blatantly only seems risky because you are assuming that the other couple isn't having a good time. In reality, I am sure you are plenty interesting and fun; why would you deny anybody the experience of you?

 

I believe that two of the most beautiful words in the English language are "I want". Define what you want and state it proudly. Most people- especially the ones who spend countless nights putting up with the same old smalltalk bullshit- are hardwired to be attracted to someone who knows what they want. You can't fight nature.

 

 

 

 

-Jareth

 

P.S. Right now I want sex- I'm going to go pound my wife into the mattress...

[notaswingeryet 21]

you have a basic human right to not feel inferior to anybody. Rest assured that a fear of rejection is rooted in self-esteem.

 

I have no problem agreeing with this statement, however knowledge of the fact does not give me mastery of it. I have allways found that you should test the waters before jumping in. If she likes me and I like her then we can progress to the next level. However if she likes me but does not like my choice of words, it will spoil my chances. That failure on my part to "close the deal" will, in effect ruin my mood and possibly my future dealings with the oppisite sex, nervouse performance is not good no matter what causes it.

 

I think most men will agree that our main hesitation problem is caused by our second guessing ourselve due to past situations. If on the otherhand the sitaution does warrent the green light, go for it, visualize you desires and ask for what you want.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Well for us the club is a hotel where generally we have a room. So our usual line is "do you guys want to go upstairs and have a drink somewhere's quiet."

 

 

When at a club this is probably my favorite (or some variation of it). It seems the main area at clubs is ALWAYS too loud. Oddly, at an on-premise club we've never had trouble transitioning, it's usually at off-premise clubs (the line above would work really well again - "you guys wanna come up to our room and have a drink where it's quieter". The problem we run into is that we rarely get a room (unless it's pretty far from home) in advance, so we have to add a few steps into that process (find out if a room is available at THAT hotel, get it, then go up, etc. Or if it's not available at that hotel find one that is, etc). This has happened to us in the past, but I can't for the life of me remember how it transitioned. It seems like given that we had to go across the street and get a room it should have been awkward but I don't remember it being. It may have had a lot to do with the people involved and the level of mutual attraction.

 

For the record, I was about to archive this thread but it was just too good to bury.

[angelkin 1,326]

Yep, I have been around the forum and never would have read it if you didn't resurrect it, Julie. We have this same problem - not closing the deal. AND also, not moving along when it is apparent there's not a reciprocal chemistry.

 

The last time we went to the club, hubby was the one...we had just been talking and hadn't even discussed if we were both interested in this couple. I was SHOCKED when he just invited them to get a room.

 

We're the "nice" folks who have trouble closing the deal and/or walking away from people we like, but are not interested in getting naked with.