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We've seen a couple of posts already from some folks coming out with their "polyness". I'd like to hear from the rest of you who feel that you are are polyamorous. What is your relationship set up? Are you currently in a poly relationship, were you previously, or are you hoping to be?

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Is there a poll out there somewhere on this already? I'm thinking there probably is...

 

Mr. intuition and I, while we're not currently swinging and not in a poly relationship, have agreed that we are very open-minded about it. At least we are open to the possibility of it. I want him to be happy, and he wants the same for me. There is no sense of ownership between us whatsoever. We're together because we choose to be, because we want to be. For no other reason. He has told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever wanted to develop another relationship, that he was perfectly okay with that...so long as I respected him by never lying to him about my needs and desires. He, of course, insists on complete honesty and expects me to be able to manage any other relationships in such a way as to not adversely affect the one that he and I share. I have reciprocated with the same deal for him.

 

I truly feel that I would not be jealous or unhappy should Mr. intuition find another person to add to his life. Quite the contrary, in fact. Anything that adds to his happiness adds to mine.

 

However, we've both decided together and as individuals that neither of us are interested in expending energy in that direction. We'd rather just work on the relationship we're in together for now.

 

So you tell us...are we poly? :confused:

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Mr. Moon and I have talked about this, since here recently its been a topic discussed regularly. We are not totally against it. In fact, it seems to have good points to it.

 

At this time though we also feel we are too new to swinging, and we are just getting used to screening people online, and having fun experiences involving just sex, maybe friendship. So for us to take another leap right now and evolve that into a relationship seems a bit much for us to just jump into right now. We are just getting ourselves into the pool and we are not quite ready for the high dive. But, one day, in the future is this something we would discuss? Probably, so until that day, I will simply admire all those who are capable of poly right now :)

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I'm sure there are polls but I wanted to get actual posts from people who are actively involved in living a poly life (or have done so or are considering doing so) and see what their experiences are. I thought it would be a positive addition and a good way to start this new forum.

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I'm getting the feeling that people are a little shy about this! I was worried too about whether there would be judgement heaped on me and my partners. On the contrary, I've found that this place is incredibly understanding and supportive.

 

Now, I don't want to keep posting about myself and our experiences with this new life, because I'd hate to suck all the oxygen out of the (virtual) room.

 

I've suggested that my husband join the board, which I'm hoping he's going to do. I believe my partner has joined, but he hasn't logged on since the day he joined. I don't think message boards are his thing.

 

I'd love to see this room become a dynamic place for thoughtful discussion.

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I'm getting the feeling that people are a little shy about this! I was worried too about whether there would be judgement heaped on me and my partners. On the contrary, I've found that this place is incredibly understanding and supportive.

 

Now, I don't want to keep posting about myself and our experiences with this new life, because I'd hate to suck all the oxygen out of the (virtual) room.

 

I've suggested that my husband join the board, which I'm hoping he's going to do. I believe my partner has joined, but he hasn't logged on since the day he joined. I don't think message boards are his thing.

 

I'd love to see this room become a dynamic place for thoughtful discussion.

 

Hopefully it will be, but it's really up to you and others who are poly to make that happen. So if you have something to post please post away and hopefully others will follow.

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Hi, im Stacy and i am poly :-)

 

Polyfuckery tends to be where I lie, I like my long term relationships, but if I meet someone and want to fuck them then and there, I want to be able to do that. I tend to form quick emotional attachments during and after sex, and need a little emotion in my sex, which is why I have dropped out of the local swinging scene.

 

I am still interested in swinging, if my partners are into it, one is not allowed to do it, but the other might be up for it. If I have the emotional part taken care of, I can do more of the fun swinging stuff.

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hi everybody,

 

first thank you for making this a place we "all" feel welcome :kissface:

 

I am Carla, hubby is Tony, and yes we are poly. We are very new still as some may say....in the dating stages...

 

But, recently we met a wonderful man, a writer and editor for a newspaper at that, so sweet.....well we told everything upfront before we even met, spoke for 3 days, then finally we meet, we all click. He stayed a few diferant nights with us and was as giddy happy as we was. he to is legally married on paper for the last several years due to issues of the wife not wanting the courts to screw him. so they are more like bro and sis, as he put it. his wife had a boyfriend of her own that he also gets along with. only problem, the boyfriend of his wife moved to vegas. so now she comutes back and forth to vegas sometimes with their daughter sometimes he gets her.

 

What was so amazing to me is that at least with this man, i actually felt that special warmth, connection that i also feel with Tony, blew my mind....and as he stated he was overwhelmed. he suddenly realized that to be close to his sweet child, vegas has to be a choice he will have to make. so he has left our "dream" for now, and we can only be understanding as to why.

 

My heart actually aches for his presence, his voice, and everything just as it does whith my sweet husband. but the memories however short are some of the best i have and shall never forget, playing in bed for 30 minutes with our 5 yr old just tickling her and laughing, so much fun.

 

So yes we got started and only for it to have to end so soon, but if that wondeful feeling of all that much more love and extended family is possible, our search continues.....as i cry.

 

We are also looking for a special lady and may have one now, still in the comunication process, but as the saying goes, its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved.

 

My husband and I are soul mates and so in love, we have our ups and downs like every other couple alive, but this is something we both look so forward to having and sharing with our children.

 

much love

xoxo TnC

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As we have posted before we do have a poly relationship with another couple...so we are on board...so to speak. In our relationship is seems that the four of us share many things in common, but the intrest is more in sets of 3s which keeps things intresting all the time. As and example, (male here) I and he cook as does my prime, I ride and work with horses as does my prime and (his) wife...he and I love to hunt, fish, so there is guy time...he, I and my prime scuba dive...we all spend time with the kids, doing the playing games, teaching, extended family stuff. We are all going to Desire for vacation in Oct. Do we have a "love" relationship, yep...

 

Glad this part of the fourm got kicked off.

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Hi everyone. I often call myself a poly minded slut. About six years ago my husband and I opened our marriage and have explored a couple of outside relationships since then. For a while (about two years) we were exclusively involved with one other couple. Sadly, the intimate (emotional as well as physical) nature of that quad ended because it was no longer working in a positive way. Now, what we hope for in a relationship would probably fall right in the middle of the swinger to poly spectrum. Due to our lifestyle I've seen and experienced a lot of joy, love, excitement, pain and complication. I believe in balance and am working on finding the right way to deal with the competing forces that arise in our life. I know there are lots of you like me out there and am looking forward to participating in this discussion.

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Is there a poll out there somewhere on this already? I'm thinking there probably is...

 

Mr. intuition and I, while we're not currently swinging and not in a poly relationship, have agreed that we are very open-minded about it. At least we are open to the possibility of it. I want him to be happy, and he wants the same for me. There is no sense of ownership between us whatsoever. We're together because we choose to be, because we want to be. For no other reason. He has told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever wanted to develop another relationship, that he was perfectly okay with that...so long as I respected him by never lying to him about my needs and desires. He, of course, insists on complete honesty and expects me to be able to manage any other relationships in such a way as to not adversely affect the one that he and I share. I have reciprocated with the same deal for him.

 

I truly feel that I would not be jealous or unhappy should Mr. intuition find another person to add to his life. Quite the contrary, in fact. Anything that adds to his happiness adds to mine.

 

However, we've both decided together and as individuals that neither of us are interested in expending energy in that direction. We'd rather just work on the relationship we're in together for now.

 

So you tell us...are we poly? :confused:

 

Well, this is EXACTLY what happend to us. Moreover, we talk about this "permission" to develop other relationships way long before swinging (from the very begining of our relationship), and even when we didn't tought we could swing (I wanted, she say "no", I honored and never insisted until she bring up the subject again... 10 years after I asked her to).

 

Even when we had this permission, none of us was interested in "expending energy in that direction", and at least for me, I have to admit it... I wasn't sure about how something like this would evolve, and the sole chace of hurting my wife feelings, even by accident, was dissapealing enough as to prevent this from happening.

 

When we began swinging, the whole "no feelings" rule we were adviced to follow didn't make too much sense for us. We understood it was a requirement for other couples to preserve their relationship while swinging, and honored this requirement... until we found out people more alike to our perspective about this.

 

Our relationship with our former "girlfirend" started in the frameset of swinging, however the three of us feel and tought much the same way about this "no feelings allowed" restriction. The three of us really enjoyed beyng togheter, even enjoyed activities between just two of us, it evolved as a friendship, and it reached a point where we all say "what the hell, why not call it the way we feel this deserve to be called? why don't use the words whe had stuck in our thoats because of those foreign, imposed rules, even when they're usefull and work for others?", and we began talking about love.

 

So it wasn't something we pursued, but something we let it happen.

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Hi Rachel here,

 

We've had 2 ongoing relationships. One that Ken is in is definitely poly. He and she both love one another.

 

The other relationship is an ex-boyfriend of mine. No love there, but good friendship.

 

In addition we've both had "just plain sex" encounters.

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We aren't poly (yet) but I can see it as a definite possibility for us in the future. I have always thought that the confines of tradtional marriage and traditional views on love were a little off. He is coming around to the idea of it, but is still a little hesitant. We're both open to learning more about it, so we're here.

Who knows what the future will bring? :)

 

~SS

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I don't know. I love people in general unless they are deliberatly cruel or nasty. The only differance I see in my feelings for my wife and those for my close friends is that I've made a commitment to Laurie. When our close friends hurt, I hurt with them. When they're happy, I'm happy for them. Although I truly do love my close friends I don't think I could make the same sort of commitment to anyone else without compromising my commitment to Laurie.

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Is there still a polyamorous chapter in the Orlando, Florida area? I once belonged to one there but when my shift changed, I couldn't attend the luncheons. I love the poly relationship and hope to find two poly women who share the same love.

HR

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Hopefully it will be, but it's really up to you and others who are poly to make that happen. So if you have something to post please post away and hopefully others will follow.

 

Hello. My name is Miss Piggy and this is my poly confession.

 

K and I have been together for 8 years. We've had an open relationship for the past 3 years (I'm hoping I calculated that properly). Our open relationship was defined in the following manner. We were both free to persue 1 on 1 relationships with others that consisted of sex and friendship. We also persued a few relationships together with other singles/couples in a swinging threesome/foursome type set up.

 

Then, about a year ago, K started up a relationship with a gal - a married gal. They were having a lot of fun together, getting very close... so, in the meantime, her husband and I started sleeping together.

 

We all became closer and it became clear that the other couple in this story weren't interested in just plain old consentual extramarital sex. K and I had never intended on being poly. We'd both heard of it. I can't really speak for K but I'd sort of written it off as too weird. Then all of a sudden we were being confronted with the issue and it became clear, we were actually open to it. We were developing feelings for our partners. That's about where we are now.

Turns out we can and do have romantic love feelings for people other than each other.

We live as separate couples and we don't really know where any of this is going although we have discussed it a fair bit. I can't say it isn't complicated but it's where we are and we're enjoying the adventure.

 

I'd sort of avoided talking about this too much here as I too felt like people may not fully understand. But, I'm not actually ashamed of anything about my life and the people I love. Also, I think it is of some benefit to put it out there.

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I'm currently not poly. In fact, I'm nothing at this time, but single. Still, I have for the last three years been considering this as an option for me in the future.

 

Around the year 2000, when I was 20, I purchased a small black and white printed magazine in an adult shop called Bayou Swingers. I had read about threesomes before in a few Penthouse mags or in some sex story magazines, but the reality that people were "really" had threesomes and foursomes didn't sink in till I bought Bayou Swingers. I was very aroused by some of the ads. The descriptions of what people were looking for aroused me more than the pictures. I purchased a few of those over the next couple of years then bought my first laptop in 2002. Well, earlier that year, an older male friend of mines that had a computer mentioned the Adult Friend finder site to me upon showing him the Bayou Swingers publication. I had remembered that and was quick to find AFF once online. I joined it that summer and met with my first couple and had a wonderful time with the wife, and good conversation with both of them. I then dated a girl while in college for a year in Texas. I mentioned thresomes to her and she had no interest. Things ended as I returned home to Louisiana. I did nothing in 2004 except for reading about sex and relationships on the net, worked, and took a couple of part time classes. Then in the spring of 2005 I returned to the college, but was single this time. I placed another ad and met with two couples during 2005. I met with one of those couples quite a few times. Also, at the beginning of 2005 I started reading about polyamory. I found just a tad of info about polyamory here. I then found a couple of poly and open mairrage yahoo groups. I also found the Liberated Christians website among a few other poly organizations with poly information.

 

If I remember correctly, after a few issues of Bayou Swingers, I started to desire to fall in love with a woman that were into swinging. I was awstruck by the wifes that were bi and by the wifes that fancied well endowed men, or both. I wanted to have a partner like that oneday. I didn't just want a bi girl to join in with, but I really liked the open-mindedness of bi women. I've been a kinky explorer sexually......even while alone......for as long as I've been sexually active. Bi women seemed to share my adventurous views.

 

I had never let the the desire for a LTR with a sexually liberated woman go away. Having met with my first swinging couple in 2002, then being in a monogamous relationship for 2003, I began to wonder in 2004 about true love between swinging spouses (with their own partners) and so on. I also realized that I preferred to really like the woman that I was having sex with, even someone elses wife. I realized that I needed to like them for who they were as a person. I didn't need love per se.

 

So then, in the spring of '05 I was reading those site on the net that I mentioned above and meeting with two couples during that year for "no strings sex".

 

With the last couple that I was with that year, I held back from getting too emotional, but I felt the urge. I wanted to be able to be a bit more romantic and touchy feely, and not just sexual. Things ended well, but I moved on. I'm now in living in Texas (JP51 mentioned horses above, that's what brought me here also).

 

While reading things at the poly groups and websites, I discovered that many different types of poly relationships existed. I learned about triads, quads, V's, and so on. I also read on a thread here how in some situations "some overlap exist between swinging and polyamory". The poly groups admitted that also. Some members there had poly commitments, but still participated in no-strings sex on occasion.

 

I then learned about polyprimary relationships at about that time. It was said that couples in such a relationship considered themselves to be primary lovers, and all other lovers secondary lovers. The primarys shared finances, homes, childrearing etc..... while they had side relationships with the secondaries. It was mentioned that the husband or wife may feel love for their secondaries, but at the least they were a friend with benefits. Something important about the polyprimary relationship was the power of "veto". Meaning that it was agreed upon ahead of time that the other spouse had the right to veto the other's choice of secondary for an appropriate reason.

 

It seems to me that this polyprimary setup is quite similiar to having close friends with benefits. It is really just the next step up though in that love, commitment, atatchment, and maybe even pregnancy could be shared. It has been mentioned here and elsewhere that all non-monogamous relationships fall somewheres in the spectrum between pure no-strings sex and deep loving polyamory. I believe that this is the case.

 

I do not feel that I could be in a quad, triad, or V any time soon in my life. My family would give me an extreemely hard time. A polyprimary relatiohsip would probably suit me best considering my family and upbringing. Also, I still have the desire to focus most of my atentions on one woman. I may be able to share a bit of that with a secondary, but I'll have to see when I cross that road. I do believe that I could share my partner with another man or woman though, without having to have a secondary for myself. This comes from a deeper feeling that I may not be enough to keep one woman satisfied. I fight my sexual and body insecurities with rebellion . Also, I can see how such freedom would add to a woman's life. I would love to share a part of a woman's life and sexuality in that way.

 

As for me being a secondary while single, and maybe later. I'd be happy to be a secondary to a 30's or 40's sexy married woman. I would really like to have a deep bond with such a woman. I'm busy trying to get a few things started in my life, and this may be the best thing for me till I meet a special woman for a primary.

 

I was also worried about confessing these feelings here for fear of scaring off a potential "no-strings" partner or partners. I felt the same about mentioning that I've had interpersonal struggles with conflicting beliefs about religion, mostly due to my sexual desires. Yet, I feel that I'm going to tell all now.

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I'm sorry about the length of that previous post. If that wasn't enough, I'm not finished.

 

I'd give a polyprimary relationship a go because it would still satisfy my urge to hold one woman above the rest, while I'm also held above other men in the areas of love and commitment. Some experts have argued that this arangement still shares the old "I own you" views, or that the primaries are still too insecure to completely let go and be on a level field with others. Regardless of that, I still desire to be treated a bit more special than the other lovers that my primary partner might have, therefore they would be secondary and not equal. Some may claim that such feelings have roots in monogamy, but I still desire to be charished above others.

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I think that all emotionally healthy people are poly. We have discussed it and both of us are so alike that if one of us started to get into someone on an emotional level that both of us would be feeling it. Would we prefer to enter into a poly relationship with the right woman? I think we both would choose that over any other situation. But with that said, we do not pursue those types of relationships but rather accept that they could occur, and that we would not fight it.

 

Hell, if we could find a woman that we were able to feel the same way that we feel about one another with, we would not even need discussion to realize it was right. Love is a healthy and positive thing when it is returned and freely given.

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All I can say is 'WOW' There is a lot of honesty and emotion in this thread. JacobSky, I think you are a powerfully emotional and sincere person, just by what you write. I wonder if I had anything near that sincere and serious running through my head when I was your age :confused:

 

Poly is a whole new concept to me, one that I feel very comfortable with, but haven't put a lot of thought into it. I can't possibly add to anything that others have said, but I like the discussion!

 

Sarah

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Thanks Sarah, I'm glad people are reading my reply. I felt that it was too long, but I wanted to share many perspectives.

 

I want to admit that I can still see where pure recreational sex with others could have its place in my life. Yet, it being less frequent than poly relations would seem to reduce some safety risk, health etc...... And I could get my bareback satisfaction in the poly situation, and not mind as much wearing a condom with pure lust friends. I do like to wear a condom till trust is built and tests are taken in both situations, then going bare is ok with me.

 

Like stacycat mentioned earlier, recreational sex with swinging playmates may be more enjoyable for poly people when they have their emotional needs fullfilled by their poly relationships.

 

Some people that you will run into in life will only fit fantasy scenarios. They may not have the chemistry with you for more, so that is the type that you or your poly partner live out fantasies with.....and that's as emotional as things may get with that person. Their involvement in your life may fall anywheres in the spectrum between swinging and poly.

 

Yes, we don't always need to label relationships or ourselves, but I find that it helps to label things (relationships, ie..., poly, swing, friends with benefits) when describing your thoughts to others on the net.

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I have always had a poly outlook on life, but until recently didn't have a term for the way I felt. I do not think that love is a finite commodity; if I did I wouldn't had have 7 children. I love both of my parents equally but different same with my children so why not lovers?

 

I am a bit of the hippy type; recreational sex can be fun as well as long as all parties are on the same page and have the same expections, the same is true of emotional relationships. ;)

 

To me the most important thing to making poly work is being totally honest; first with yourself and also with the other parties involved. I always let perspective partners know that I totally love my husband and he will know about any one I date.

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I am a bit of the hippy type; recreational sex can be fun as well as long as all parties are on the same page and have the same expections, the same is true of emotional relationships. ;)

 

 

I just realized this summer that I'm quite a hippy, but without the smoke.

 

You're right about love, it isn't finite.

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My wife and I are in a very conservative open marriage. The open marriage is more for her benefit than mine, because I work overseas and leave her alone for a month or more at a time.

 

So far, she hasn't really acted on it much aside from one brief affair 8 years ago and a drunken make out session with a much younger guy (gorgeous according to her) man at a company party.

 

There is one man who might get lucky next time I leave the country, if he plays his cards right.

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We are not in a poly relationship, but we are quite open to the idea. While sex with others is plenty of fun (no, really, it is. I care for you too much to lie), We always seem to want to connect emotionally with the people we are with. This happens especially with women. I think I'm the only thing keeping Mrs. Cubby from being a full-blown lesbian, so we have talked on many occasions about how dreat it would be to have another Mrs. Cubby.

 

So here is my dilema. I very rarely win an argument as it is now. I don't stand a snowballs chance in hell with two. I am also quite proud of being the only married guy of all my friends to win the whole toliet seat deal, which would probably be revisited. But the idea of loving another woman, not just sex, is extremely attractive to us both. We are each others soulmates, yet we both have more to give. We'll see what happens.

 

I can picture it now..."You know, I married a jackass. You don't have to tell me! I did too. What did he do? Remember Tuesday when I told him to..."

 

;)

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My husband and I started in the 'swinging lifestyle' in june 2003. We met a wonderfull couple (That are our lifetime partners now) we met other cpls in the 'lifestyle' and made other friends. Although we still have other (non-sexual lifestyle) friends, We decide (the foour of us) around a year and 1/2 ago to be exclusive. We bought rings and are wanting to do a 'handfasting' sometime in the near future. We know a priestess who does these ceremonies. Our poly marriage has had its ups and downs as will ANY relationship. Our decision to be exclusive has made our relationship so much stronger. We all love each other and feel as we are indeed ONE. I have older children who know of our relationship and call the other cpl 'mom and dad 2' hehe. They love our kids and we thiers. We ARE a FAMILY. Our only wish now is to make it possible someday to actually be able to live together.

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Hi, im Stacy and i am poly :-)

 

Polyfuckery tends to be where I lie, I like my long term relationships, but if I meet someone and want to fuck them then and there, I want to be able to do that. I tend to form quick emotional attachments during and after sex, and need a little emotion in my sex, which is why I have dropped out of the local swinging scene.

 

I agree with this... and someone said (about swinging) that it's a little like a weekend affair. This is the way it is with us. I don't know if we strictly fit in the definition of poly... we are exclusive with just one other couple (and before that, in CA we were exclusive with one couple out there).

 

On the other hand, we generally see them for a wonderful fuckfest about once a month (sometimes more, but hardly ever less), and while there may be an occasional purly social phone call or two, there's just not a lot that goes on between our together times, other than setting up the next meeting and associated events and themes. (And when we do get together, we have a lot of fun together besides just the sex.)

 

So some people might say that's poly while others might say that there's not enough togetherness. We don't really care 'cause we like it.

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POLYAMORY

A love relationship involving more than 2 people.

 

I tend to disagree with this broad definition.

I "love" to some extent, every couple we've ever been with.

Even a few we haven't ;)

I think it's more of a "marriage" type of relationship only one that involves sex. :lol:

 

MRG

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We are poly curious,if there is such a thing.In the early days of discussions about the lifestyle,other poly people are who we looked for.

what we found is that poly people are sorta clanish,like the Amish for example.

Swingers tend to live a day to day life,fit in with so called normal society,work ,and raise families.Most people outside of the lifestyle have no idea that they live the lifestyle.

Poly people live in threes,fours,ect.and this daily living style is very hard to keep hidden from main stream America.

Can cause all kinds of problems.Work,kids,financess,ect.So the poly folk have to lie,or live in remote regions,or both.

We would embrace another female in our life.A three person or more loving,caring relationship would work for us we think.

Being able to love more than one person and have a near equal love for all envolved is really all it is about.A two person relationship is a full time job.Adding a third or more makes it two jobs with lots of overtime.But think of the benefits of loving more than one

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POLYAMORY

A love relationship involving more than 2 people.

 

I tend to disagree with this broad definition.

I "love" to some extent, every couple we've ever been with.

Even a few we haven't ;)

I think it's more of a "marriage" type of relationship only one that involves sex. :lol:

 

MRG

 

You are correct.You live with others as if you were all married to one another.Many poly people have open arrangements when it comes to sex,so it can be a little like being a swinger.But you live with the same people everyday.Your friends with benefits never go home,cause they are at home.

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At first we were really afraid of this term and wanted to reject it. We've now come to learn and accept that we are definitely poly. But we are poly in that we like to have an emotional attachment to people in general, and especially people we have sex with. These are very much secondary relationships though and never even come close to the level of intimacy we have with each other (which I dont think is even possible, really, as it has been built over 23 years of full time connection and shared growth)

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At first we were really afraid of this term and wanted to reject it. We've now come to learn and accept that we are definitely poly. But we are poly in that we like to have an emotional attachment to people in general, and especially people we have sex with. These are very much secondary relationships though and never even come close to the level of intimacy we have with each other (which I dont think is even possible, really, as it has been built over 23 years of full time connection and shared growth)

 

Mixtupcpl,

 

You have hit on something that I think it is important to understand about Poly relationships. They are not all the same, and there is no way that you and/or your wife can have the same relationship with others that you have with each others. Each relationship is unique in its own way and has to be embraced that way.

 

S

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Guest BamaRide
POLYAMORY

A love relationship involving more than 2 people.

 

I tend to disagree with this broad definition.

I "love" to some extent, every couple we've ever been with.

Even a few we haven't ;)

I think it's more of a "marriage" type of relationship only one that involves sex. :lol:

 

MRG

 

There is a term that used to be used that I don't see anymore in the lifestyle 'Eutopian'... it is not Poly but moves beyond the NSA verion of swinging. Eutopian is what my wife and I described ourselves as in the lifestyle as we wanted to have a certian level of mutual admiriation with others before becomining intimate with them.

 

I am this way to this day and always will be. It doesn't mean I wouldn't hook up on the first date, but if I hook up I have every intent in persuing that relationship beyond that one event and do so because I am 'in to' the people that i'm intimate with.

 

I've had maybe 2 casual fucks in my life? Just not something I'm interested in persuing at all.

 

BamaRide

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We are poly curious,if there is such a thing.In the early days of discussions about the lifestyle,other poly people are who we looked for.

what we found is that poly people are sorta clanish,like the Amish for example.

 

Man, you need to get out more.

 

Most polyamorous folks I know are just like most people except that they have more than one romantic/emotional partner.

 

Some keep the details of their relationships to themselves, some are pretty open about it.

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I'm not sure if I am polyamorous or not.

 

I've done both polyamorous & monogamous relationships in the past... I'm currently single and dating (and having sexual relations) with multiple people (and yes, they are all aware that I am non-exclusively dating).

 

One of my friends says that I cannot be classically defined as either polyamorous or a swinger because I have no primary-partner at this point in time. ((shrug)) Not sure I agree with her definition - but I've never really thought to define myself as polyamorous or as a swinger, either ... so I guess it doesn't really matter.

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I'm not sure if I am polyamorous or not.

 

I've done both polyamorous & monogamous relationships in the past... I'm currently single and dating (and having sexual relations) with multiple people (and yes, they are all aware that I am non-exclusively dating).

 

One of my friends says that I cannot be classically defined as either polyamorous or a swinger because I have no primary-partner at this point in time. ((shrug)) Not sure I agree with her definition - but I've never really thought to define myself as polyamorous or as a swinger, either ... so I guess it doesn't really matter.

 

The problem with trying to define it is like trying to define what is bisexual.

Are you talking about behavior, or mindset and attitude. There's a lot of people who will have sex with a MOTSS, who do not consider themselves bisexual, and a lot of folks who have never had sex with a MOTSS who do.

 

Same with polyamory. The question you have to ask yourself is, if you started to develop deeper emotional connection to someone, does that automatically mean you won't develop anything deeper with anyone else, and will back off any others you have? Then you're probably not polyamorous.

 

If you feel like the fact the you are developing a deeper emotional relationship doesn't mean you won't develop others without sacrificing the first one, then you probably are polyamorous.

 

If you sort of fall into a situation where you fall in love with two (or more) people at the same time and everything is cool, but you don't really see that happening again, then you may be in a polyamorous relationship, but not be polyamorous in general. Heck, you can be monogamous and love only one person, but that person may love someone else at the same time, so you are in a polyamorous relationship, but yourself be monogamous.

 

Confused?

 

:)

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Confused?

 

:)

 

 

Me? Confused? Probably. (*laughing*)

 

I'm open to the idea of being with multiple partners in a polyamorous relationship (heck, I've been a secondary / tertiary partner to several polyamorous folk over the years) ... but I've never been a primary in a poly-relationship... although if things continue on their current course - I may find myself there soon enough!

 

(*laughing*)

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Hi, this is Petra. Although I dislike the poly label, I will admit that I am in a poly relationship but hubby is not. The relationship with my boyfriend, Red, began when I was a virgin and continues to this day. Red and I did come close to getting married but I moved out when I realized that the day-to-day wouldn't work. Red is not into drugs or anything even slightly seemy, but he is a musician/artist and his life is more up and down than I could see in a marriage. We don't all live together, but I am with him four or five times a week and sometimes the three of us vacation together. Red is devoted to me and is not seeing or screwing anyone else. David, my now husband, knew all along about the relationship and loves me so much he said that if it made me happy, he had no problem with it continuing, no reciprocity expected. David is attractive, successful, Vanilla, and could attract any woman he wanted, so I was both flattered and somewhat bewildered. In addition David gave me the security of being a conventional professional man. It was the high point of my life when we got married. Having a loving relationship with two guys has gone more smoothly than I would have imagined possible.

 

For the first couple of years of marriage David was monogamous (at my urging), then began several serial, no-emotion sexual relationships with other women (also at my urging). Thinking about, seeing and occasionally participating in my husband's sexual adventures is the non-poly, swinging side of my life. The three of us don't drink, smoke, gamble, or do drugs but we crave sex. The arrangement is highly asymmetric, but also very satisfying and very stable.

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I think I am poly. It just happened.

We have been swinging about five years. ALong the way we met a man who joined us for threesomes. Gradually, he became a regular visitor. Every wednesday evening he participated in a threesome with myself and my husband.

Sometimes my husband did not participate and I was free to have sex with our friend on those Wednesdays.

Now i see my friend once or twice a week. We even go on outings together.

My husband is fine with this.

Ill have to say I love them both, in different ways.

It would be very difficult if my husband made me give up my lover.

It would be hard to lose either of them.

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Is there a thin line between "good swinger friends" and being ploy?

Just a question and no implications.

Sure, there's a lot of gray territory. In my opinion it doesn't pay to try to slice things too thinly -- I mean, to try to define terms using bright lines with "good friends" on one side and "poly" on the other. Let people call themselves what they like and perhaps deny some labels that fit quite squarely.

 

We've been poly. We'd like to be again, but aren't actively searching and aren't expecting it to happen. We're happy with the weaker associations of swinging.

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Guest BamaRide

My thinking... the terms are nothing more than a tool to provide others in the lifestyle a frame of refernce of what to expect from people. If one says I'm a Democrate or a Republican it doesn't tell you the specifics of their views but it gives you a general concept of where they are coming from...

 

Likewise in the lifestyle if someone says they practice NSA, Poly, Friends First, etc it also doesn't tell you specifics of how they conduct themselves in the lifestyle because everyone is different, but it does give you a general idea of what to expect.

 

Example: A couple says they are are Poly and your practice is along the lines of NSA swinging... It is very likely that this combo isn't going to work as the two basic tenents are so different. The poly folks are going to look at the NSA folks as hit and run... bed post knotchers...and the NSA folks are going to see the Poly crowd as being clingy and to emotionally attached.

 

In everything, not just swinging, I've always been very resistent to labels. However, they do serve a purpose of providing a general concept of expectation on some strong tenents of a class or group. Beyond that labels pegeon hole people into groups that often don't tell the real story. We all are individuals and as such different.

 

BamaRide

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Hi! We're new to the group and found the site through the Swingercast forum. I was both surprised happy to see a thread here talking about poly!! We've been on both sides having been involved in swinging for several years before opening up about 5 years ago.

 

It has been an amazing journey for us and we can appreciate both sides of the argument. I would definitely say that it is a ton more work than I would ever have guessed, but you only get out what you put in!

 

Hopefully we can add something to this discussion based on our views and experiences!

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Sometimes I feel like poly is not as widely understood as the rest of the lifestyle, so it is great to see a dedicated poly section on the site!

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MWC_Mich,

 

Poly is hard to understand because it effects a relationship on so many levels deeper than just swinging.

 

S

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