Swinging as a polyamory triad

[avid 134]

Allrighty, this has come up.

 

I've been married to a wonderful man for 11 years, and together with my secondary partner for 11 months. My partner was the one who first introduced the concept of swinging to me, which I then discussed with my husband. My husband and I have been going to our local club since last November, and have had just a couple of nice swinging experiences. That part is all good.

 

Now we're at the point of being interested in swinging as a triad. We know a couple of couples who know us as a triad. One couple seems pretty cool with the idea on the surface, but we haven't really discussed swinging with them, we're just at the socializing and flirting stages. Flirting has been going VERY well, amongst all parties.

 

On the other hand, the other couple seems reluctant. The man of the couple has even gone so far as to suggest that we "find" another woman for my partner, so that he could be part of an "official" couple. It doesn't really work that way, though. If we put my husband in that situation, how reasonable is it to ask him to find another woman to bring along? Besides which, swinging for us is about exploring within our committed relationship, despite the fact that it's not a typical relationship.

 

We don't really like the idea of playing separately, although I've gone to a house party with my partner when my husband was away for the weekend. We didn't play that night, by prearrangement, just went to flirt and stuff.

 

So, any suggestions as to how we can make this work? Have other triads dealt with issues such as these?

[TNT 1,155]

I'm not in a triad but...I'll give it a go and say that there are going to be those who won't mind and there are going to be those that do. You're just going to have to find those that don't.

 

We took a single male friend with us to a social one night, was invited to play by a couple of other couples...we told them that **** was with us that night and that we wouldn't feel right with him not being invited as well...no problem, bring him along too...turned out to be a great play session.

 

Try posting an on-line ad and explaining that the three of you play together. Not sure how successful you will be but, I know we wouldn't have a problem playing with any triad.

 

 

Teresa

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

We have been swinging as a triad for a little over a year now. Our triad is the opposite of yours (2 women and 1 man). Teresa has a good point about posting an online ad for the three of you together. It has made getting know people a bit easier for us. When we go to clubs, people at first are a bit cautious with us and we do get a few comments like, "How does that work" or "How can the three of you swing with a couple" but once they get to know us, there doesn't seem to be much of a problem. It does take a little more work and searching for the right people, but like everything else in the lifestyle persistence pays off in the long run.

 

Just hang in there and don't get discouraged. If you are committed to swinging together, you will find what works for you.

 

T, A, and P

[sereneiders 263]

We've swinging once as a triad of two females and a male, and fooled around at the club as a triad without being able to swing, most of the times, so I agree with you it is hard.

 

Now, as a couple (we're just two again), when I face the idea of swinging with a triad, it's more easy the idea of doing it with a FMF one than with a MFM one. Also, it'd be interesting to point out that we don't pursue to swing with single males. The fact is, we're reluctant because most single males we've known in the ambient didn't made us feel comfortable enough (there's just one guy that we would gladly swing with, however he isn't around as to test the waters).

 

Besides this, I can understand how the oddity of a triad helps his reluctance. We've met "fake" couples, I mean, two singles (M and F) going out together to the club as to increase the chances to have fun. Some of them even lie about having a relationship, and the fact is, when we pursue couples, it is because it's more likely that we'll be all in the same page about the need to preserve and protect each one's relationship. So, it's understandable to be suspicious with a triad. It's so odd as a committed relationship, and way more likely it may be a couple helping a friend as to increase his chances to play with other people.

 

It's weird, because I know there are real poly triads, I embrace the idea of polyamory, however, I have to admit this is so odd that even myself would be suspicious if facing a triad, at least until getting to know them enough as to believe in their commitment.

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

I am not interested in playing in the lifestyle as the single female. The reason for this is, that I don't view myself as single, but rather a married woman. Although we don't have a legal document that says we are married, we live every facet of our lives as though we are married. And it’s the attitude I get from others that causes me frustration at times. I feels like no matter what I say or do, many people will not take our relationship seriously. I have even had people we have known in the lifestyle for a long time say things like “oh yeah, I never can remember your not a single female” and this from someone who has been to our home and seen us in normal everyday life not just the lifestyle. Lots of people refuse to accept that we are a triad, they only view us as a married couple with a girlfriend. Please don’t read my words here as a compliant but more of a frustration. I/we have chosen to be in this relationship together for better or worse; and we refuse to let people who don’t get our relationship, stand in our way. We have met many people in the lifestyle that once they took the time to get to know us, have no problem with our relationship and we have had a lot of fun with them, in and out of the bedroom.

 

We decided to put an ad on SLS as a triad. The reason for this was quite simple. It is the relationship we are currently in, we are a triad involved in swinging, and it lets people know upfront a bit about us. And most importantly it weeds out those who would not be interested in us as a result of our being a triad. However I feel it’s important to emphasis that we do not advertise we are a “poly” relationship but that we are in fact a triad. We feel the only way a lifestyle ad (any type) is negative is if you put a negative spin on it. Look at it this way, do you really want to waste your time with people who are not going to either accept or understand your relationship anyway? Hopefully this helps.

[avid 134]

Last night this guy made it known that he really wanted to get together, and wondered when that was going to happen. I casually mentioned when my partner was going to be in town, and that we'd probably come to the club then. He was blunt in asking me if we were ever going to swing without my partner. I told him that I actually preferred swinging as a triad, and gave him several reasons. His response was, oh well, too bad, I tried. Like it was just completely out of the question! Then he tried to pin it on HIS partner - she doesn't like "single guys". Oy. Needless to say, I diplomatically reminded him that my partner is not at all a "single guy".

 

So, I guess we don't want to swing with them.

[flkeyscouple 21]

I can't talk for my husband, but in my opinion we wouldn't have any problem playing with a triad - either MFM or MFF. I think it would be a bonus, not a hinderence!

 

We, as a couple, won't play without each other. I don't see why I should expect that you, as a triad, would play without all partners!

 

I have been accused of 'talking' before thinking (many times), but even though I have never thought about playing with a triad before - until this thread - I can't think of anydownside to it. Just my opinion!

 

Sarah

[avid 134]

What a sweet thing to say, Sarah, thank you so much.

 

We've been invited to a group weekend away by a couple, who only knows us as a triad. They made a point to address their email by saying "Hey you three!"

 

It's nice to be validated.

 

Niagara Falls, here we come!

[luv2buck 22]

Last night this guy made it known that he really wanted to get together, and wondered when that was going to happen. I casually mentioned when my partner was going to be in town, and that we'd probably come to the club then. He was blunt in asking me if we were ever going to swing without my partner. I told him that I actually preferred swinging as a triad, and gave him several reasons. His response was, oh well, too bad, I tried. Like it was just completely out of the question! Then he tried to pin it on HIS partner - she doesn't like "single guys". Oy. Needless to say, I diplomatically reminded him that my partner is not at all a "single guy".

 

So, I guess we don't want to swing with them.

 

Same thing happen with us.

 

My spouse and I were part of a MFM arrangement for close to four years. We encountered the same sort of reception from the "swinger" community. We were naive in thinking that we would be accepted just as a FMF group would of been.

 

My wife was into being tied up and such and we knew a couple of folks who were involved with the bondage community. We partied with some of these people a couple of times but their rituals, the rules, not having a sense of humor about themselves and the overall lack of sex just wasn't for us.

 

Fortunately, we found other people that liked to fool around and didn't care if we showed up with two guys and one woman.

 

best regards,

 

buck

[JacobSky 17]

avid, it would seem to me that couple that are open to swinging with single males and couples would be most likely to be open to swinging with you as a threesome. Couples that are not open to single males, due to relationship insecurity reasons, would be least likely to swing with a triad for fear that one of the males might be emotionally attracted to the wife of the other couple. Did that make any sense?

[ohash01 20]

I possibly agree with Jacob - but not necessarily because of insecurity issues...some couples just don't dig "extra" males THEN on top of them not understand that no one is single...that you're really a triad...I can see how it would get complicated. Luckily - J. an I are not one of those couples. We are not a triad...not have we ever swung with a triad...but we're definately not opposed to it. Nor would we AUTOMATICALLY discount someone because there's an "extra" person. Who cares if the numbers aren't balanced? And I'm a true Libra saying this - I should be obsessed with balance. Hm. Odd. Usually I am. Apparently my need for balance doesn't apply to swinging. Anywho - I like to think that J. and I are very fair. If there's a chance we'll like you and you match what we're looking for...you could be a quadrad (is that right) with 3 M's and we wouldn't discount you - and I'd give the F kudos for handling 3 sets of men's socks on the bedroom floor. Haha.

[bransoncouple 20]

From experience we find most couples very open and inviting to us as mmf triad.