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Share your story: How did you get started in polyamory?

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I'm very eager to hear your stories--

 

When did you first realize you were in (or headed toward) a poly relationship? Did you start out as swingers?

 

MRS

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I think I knew I wasn't "normal" when my fiance in college "cheated" on me by having sex with another woman. I knew I was "supposed to be" upset by this, and I guess I did a credible job of it, but my heart wasn't in it. I wondered at that time (all of 19 years old, mind you) if it was just that I didn't love the guy like I thought I did. It wasn't until a year or so later that I began to get to the truth of it.

 

I was expecting our first child when my husband (another man, not the one I was just talking about) confessed to me his attraction to another woman. We'd tried hard to base our marriage on honesty, and so even though I was as big as a whale and feeling anything but attractive, we talked it out and decided to "open" our marriage. We didn't have the word "polyamory" then (this was 1983), we were just trying to do the best we could for each other. We'd read Heinlein's fictional works that included these kinds of polymorphous, open relationships and found them intriguing -- could we do the same?

 

Well no. That was overly idealistic, as it turns out. The number of people capable of functioning at that level of heart-openness are vanishingly small -- and neither my first husband nor I always lived up to our highest ideals, I must confess. We just kept trying, right up to the point where we couldn't be together anymore.

 

It wasn't polyamory that ended my first marriage, though poly always shows where the cracks in any relationship are located. My second marriage was predicated on polyamory from the beginning and has remained so to this day, even though we're more interested in "friends with benefits" than long-term romances -- this feels more like "swinging" to us, though I realize that not all swingers feel comfortable forming these kinds of friendships...

 

Anyway, that's the short version of how it all started out for me. :rolleyes: I think I'd enjoy moving more and more away from the labels for these things, if I could find others who were interested in doing the same...

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I guess we were "poly friendly" from the scratch, and way long before even thinking of swinging.

 

We've allways think the question "who do you love the most, pinapple or light bomb?" doesn't make sense, that a ruler isn't enough to measure love, and we've been very respectfull for each other feelings, and to respect and embrance the love each one of us may feel towards anyone else.

 

As for me, this mean, I am happy by enjoying what my wife have to offer to me, and I don't need to compare it with what she may be oferring to other people. At least for as long as it fulfills my needs, and since it does, well... everithing is fine.

 

We've always said "ok, if you have a crush on someone and want to get laid, go ahead, just, avoid telling me something you know could hurt me... because if you do, the more likely is that you wouldn't be doing that TO YOU, but TO ME". In the other hand, and even when having this permission granted, I didn't mess around, nor she did (as far as I know). We supposed (perhpas from the culture and education) that KNOWING about this would be likely to hurt us.

 

When we started swinging, we realized that knowing didn't hurt, at all. We felt happy to actually know the other was enjoying it and being pleased. In the other hand, the idea of avoiding developing feelings while swinging, even when sound as an advice to avoid unwanted drama, didn't properly fit in our previous mindset (nor we feel affraid of such a drama, meaning we knew anything would be able to damage our bond).

 

Then we swung with this woman, she tured out to be a great friend and we started hanging up togheter, or even doing things between any two of us without a third one present (including having sex), we all felt ok, we talked a lot about this and we started openly extressing our feelings without any deal, nor any drama.

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Well, we all three met via the swing lifestyle. That first evening of meeting wasn’t your ordinary meeting. There was unmistakable instant chemistry between the three of us. We were old soles being finally reconnected. As for knowing right away, Mr. & Mrs. Ménage felt pretty strong there was a good chance the Other Mrs. Ménage could be the one. The friendship developed quickly into a relationship of much more than friendship. But it didn’t really take any one of us long to realize that this relationship was a special gift and we have always embraced it as such.

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Lady Yes said:
My second marriage was predicated on polyamory from the beginning and has remained so to this day, even though we're more interested in "friends with benefits" than long-term romances -- this feels more like "swinging" to us, though I realize that not all swingers feel comfortable forming these kinds of friendships...

 

Yes, I agree! In my experience, there are VERY FEW (if any at all) swingers who are comfortable or willing to form such a relationship. That is why I always try to use the phrase, "Poly oriented" or "Poly-like". To sort of demonstrate that it may not necessarily be a totally committed relationship as I might have with my primary yet it is a much deeper, lasting friendship/lover I seek.

 

Your correct about the labels. Maybe we should come up with ideas to describe it better - even though we would create yet another label. At least people similar to us (Poly/Swing mixes :eek: ) could be better defined.

 

Thanks for your post! Great!

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That first evening of meeting wasn’t your ordinary meeting. There was unmistakable instant chemistry between the three of us. We were old soles being finally reconnected. The friendship developed quickly into a relationship of much more than friendship. But it didn’t really take any one of us long to realize that this relationship was a special gift.

This quote really applies to our Poly relationship as well. The term "Whirlwind Romance" comes to mind. All 4 of us are so blown away by how fast we have gotten into this relationship. The "unmistakable instant chemistry" is undeniable and we are all trying to make sense of it. No complaints though! Just trying to figure out how it happened! :)

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This will be a long story, but here goes.

 

Cowboy and I have been together for21 years in a wonderful, loving, committed relationship. Neither of us had ever been with anyone else. Last year, we started talking about how neither of us had a chance to "sow our wild oats". We would never cheat on each other, but we both thought it would be fun to experiment with others. Swinging seemed like the way to do it.

 

We researched and found the Desire resort in Cancun. We thought Desire sounded like the perfect place to "try out" swinging, in a low pressure, non-threatening environment. To get out feet wet and see if we liked it. Also, being out of the country and away from anyone we might know seemed like a good idea. We live in a VERY conservative area, and we know that we have to be very discreet to keep from hurting our careers. We also live far away from big cities, so getting together with other like minded folks will be hard.

 

We tried to book a trip to Desire in 05, but it didn't work out. We kept talking about swinging, fantasizing about it while making love, both hoping we would find a way to make it happen. In spring 06, I was on a travel board trying to win a trip to Desire. The more posts you put on, the better your chances. One of the people also trying to win a trip was JP51. (more about the contest later) I learned a lot about his personality while reading everyone's posts. I never thought I would meet anyone from this group. I wasn't looking for potential swing partners at all. While other people on the group were busy flaming each other, JP51 was posting about his experiences traveling the world, so we often responded to each other's posts about places we had traveled. He was open-minded, intelligent, polite and funny, just like my SO! He talked about how they swing with only 3 couples that they know well.

 

In one post, he mentioned the nudist resort they attend. I sent him a private email to get more info and we chatted a couple of times about the nudist resort. In June, he forwarded info about a live band the resort was having. I told Cowboy that I wanted to go to the resort for my birthday present. (Even-though we had never been to a nudist resort) We had never met JP51, but we figured it would be fun to hang out at the nudist resort, and meet him and his wife.

 

Our rules ahead of time were "no hanky panky at all". We found a sitter and drove to the resort. We clicked right away with JP51 and his beautiful wife. We had a Great time spending the day nude. The live band was wonderful. It was the first time my SO and I had gone dancing since college. (We don't live anywhere near NightLife!) We both had fun dancing with the other couple. But that is as far as it went. They went home to their house and we went to a hotel.

 

Back home, we started posting back and forth, all of us learning about each other and trying to plan another get together. 3 weeks later, we went to the resort again, and all 4 of us looked in each other's eyes and that was it. Even though my SO and I had NEVER been with anyone else, we jumped in feet first. Wow.

 

I can't believe that we managed to do that the second time we met, but everyone was very happy. It has been full steam ahead since then, with all of us getting together as often as we can fit it into our schedules. Sometimes only 3 of us at a time, when one partner couldn't make it.

 

And it is way more than sex. All 4 of us have feelings for everyone in the group. We all have so much in common, it is almost spooky. We have a level of comfort with each other that normally comes from knowing someone a long time. I don't know how, but I guess it was meant to be. It's been only 4 months since the day of our first face to face meeting. But it seems like we have known each other much longer.

 

We were all a bit freaked about bringing up the word "love" because that is not what Swinging is supposed to be about, but none of us could deny the feelings. So now we are headed to Desire together. My SO and I actually booked the trip before we met JP51 and his wife. Then THEY WON the trip to Desire (How cool is that!!) and quickly booked the same week as us.

 

Did I mention that everything has just fallen into place! Now we will have 5 days with no kids, no schedules and we can all relax and play. It will be so wonderful! I can't believe that we found such an amazing couple the first time we tried swinging. And then, we jumped past swinging and landed in a Poly relationship. Talk about wild. I still can't believe this has all happened and happened so fast. Which is why it is great to find a Poly board where we can talk about this.

 

Can't wait to hear from all of you! Thanks for listening! :)

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Dito could not have said it better. Less than 30 days until Desire :kissface:

 

Glad your posting and getting feedback from other on the fourm, I have found them helpful and a wonderful group!

 

See you see and talk to you guys sooner for sure!

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This is my first post. I have been here for awhile and read many other posts. I was most pleased when the Poly Forum was created. My husband and I got involved in swinging about a year and a half ago. We were one of those looking for more than just sex. We were looking for other people to have as friends as well as lovers. Well for us, we found more than we could have ever hoped for. Neither of us had ever heard of polyamory. We did find a wonderful group of friends, but as unbelievable bonus we now have new family members. There are 2 other couples we have become extremely close with and we all consider ourselves family. We don't all live under the same roof at this time, but who knows what the future might bring. We are much closer with one of the couples and the 4 of us refer to each other as husbands & wives. I now look back over my life and can see the signs leading me to where I am today. At this time I don't know what I would do without my new family, they have stood by my husband and I through some very tough times lately. They have never wavered in their love for us and we have all become closer.

 

tabbi

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This is my first post. I have been here for awhile and read many other posts. I was most pleased when the Poly Forum was created. My husband and I got involved in swinging about a year and a half ago. We were one of those looking for more than just sex. We were looking for other people to have as friends as well as lovers. Well for us, we found more than we could have ever hoped for. Neither of us had ever heard of polyamory. We did find a wonderful group of friends, but as unbelievable bonus we now have new family members. There are 2 other couples we have become extremely close with and we all consider ourselves family. We don't all live under the same roof at this time, but who knows what the future might bring. We are much closer with one of the couples and the 4 of us refer to each other as husbands & wives. I now look back over my life and can see the signs leading me to where I am today. At this time I don't know what I would do without my new family, they have stood by my husband and I through some very tough times lately. They have never wavered in their love for us and we have all become closer.

 

tabbi

 

Tabbi,

 

Glad to have you here and chiming in...........:welcome3:

 

 

:focus: - I can relate to what you are saying I would have never guessed I would end up in a Poly relationship as well. But it is what it is - you don't go out looking one day saying to yourself, "Today I will find a couple to meet and fall into love with. I think a Poly relationship is what I need now."

 

It just evolved and this is were we are today. For me, I can not imagine my life without Mr. or Mrs. Menage in it. Is it easy, for the most part, but this type of relationship does bring certain challenges with it. But it makes life interesting lol. There is NEVER a dull moment with us.

 

So we welcome you and look forward to hearing from you and possibly the rest of our group!

 

The Other Mrs. Menage

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We started out as swingers, and then we met a single male that Mrs. WS really got into. He was the exact opposite of me so he kind of filled a need in her that I don't. Basically, he is the "caveman" type and I am more the "intellectual". They also had prior military service in common and had lots of experiences that only they could understand because I don't have any military experience.

 

So they carried-on for several months until he really fell in love with the wife of another couple we knew and they stayed in the relationship together until they moved away for a job transfer a few months ago. That was hard on him.

 

The break-up between him and Mrs. WS was hard for her. It really was a break-up to her. For him is was "I am really into this other woman so I don't feel I can sleep with anyone else right now." That was last March. It has only been recently that they've made-up a bit. In fact he was over at our house with others for a holiday party last night.

 

We realized though that because we are okay with developing feelings for others and that it doesn't threaten our relationship any. We are still and always will be the "one" for each other. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

 

Will there be more? Probably. But for right now we're back to just us and swinging.

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Well, ours is a long and involved story. Been married almost 18 years, and it's been great, and it's had its downs. Nothing is perfect.

 

Over the years, we had used swing talk during sex to spice it up, I am very sexually driven, although my wife not as much. We got involved in an online game playing with people all over the world. We were using a voip program called ventrilo to talk to these people and my wife heard a voice that just struck a chord in her. She found out by accident one day that he lived in our area, and started talking to him on the phone. She fell head over heels for him just talking to him.

 

This whole time, she and I were going through a rough time in our marriage. On top of that, he needed a place to live and we opened our home to him. I would catch her touching his face and things like that and would ask her about her feelings for him, what was going on, etc. A lot of things about our marriage came out too. We even separated for a time. During all of that she developed her relationship with him, but avoided any sexual stuff.

 

As we were working things out, we were chatting and flirting over yahoo one night, I got her so worked up on it, she slept with him for the first time that night. Early the next morning, and I mean early, she called me to see if I was up and invited me over. I came by, she confided in me what she had done and we had some intense sex ourselves as she related what happened.

 

It has been a long and rough road, as I overcame my jealousies, and she struggled with being in love with us both. It's only been a little more than a year since we all met, and almost a year since she and he first made love.

 

The relationship has really blossomed as we have all realized we can all be in love at the same time. She came to the realization that she wants us both, is not willing to let either of us get away. And I realized I love her too much to not be with her because she is in love with him too. He is fine with it because I am, and he is very much in love with her too, or so I feel he is. We are all learning and growing.

 

Now, as far as swinging goes, I would love to, but he is not comfortable even with us being all together, and she will not outside of the two of us. I respect both of their decisions, I feel one day we will all grow enough that we can be a threesome in bed, and I can wait.

 

My wife has also told me she doesn't mind if I play outside as long as I am safe. I have actually thought about meeting other women to "date" on a regular basis, but I fear being married will turn off women who are not into Poly. There is one girl where she works, and she figured it out, and she has expressed an interest in me, could be a good starting point, since she knows my lifestyle and can't be scared off by it.

 

It's not like my wife or any of us were looking for a poly relationship, it just happened. And I could be quite content living out my sexual life with just the two of them.

 

So what I mean to say is, if the chance to play outside happens, then it does, but I don't need it to be happy with my family. And he is part of our family now. :)

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2 or 3 years after we got married, my wife and I decided to expand our horizions a bit and delved into the swinging lifestyle. We started having a great deal of fun, but there was a nagging feeling of something missing. Eventually we realized we wanted something more from our encounters. Something more lasting than the over night fling or the weekend get away.

 

We searched (inwardly and outwardly) and realized we were looking to expand our relationship by adding a third (and hopefuly eventually a 4th). We started meeting people and looking around.

 

Our first real shot at it was a bit of a dud, she was a nice enough girl, but we never clicked fully so we parted ways.

 

The two of us sat down and started expressing the things we were looking for in a potential mate. The list of things we wanted was pretty basic, down to earth, kinky, friendly, flirty, bisexual and a few other things. As we discussed it, we came to the realization that, short of being outwardly bi-sexual, my wife's best friend and at that time, our house mate, fit every qualification.

 

We approached her about it. she was very hesitant at first, and we let her be to mull it over. After a bit of time she decided she wanted to take our friendship to the next level. It was a slow start, taking babysteps all the way, but now, 3 years later, we are still all 3 strongly devoted and expecting our GF's first child any day now.

 

-Ogre

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I am sorry if this topic has been previously discussed (I am new here), but I am really curious about polyamory and how things get started.

 

My question is, has any couple ever fallen in love with another couple and all decided to be in a poly relationship together?

 

If so, how did it start? Did you start swinging with them and then things all just clicked? Or did you go into the relationship knowing you were interested in polyamory?

 

Thanks, and sorry if I have stated something dumb for lack of understanding about the poly lifestyle.

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I have seen and experienced it happening. For us, it was a year investigating and exploring the local swinging community. Our best friends (a couple) found us out and then became interested in the LS. We all went out one night to a local event and ended up doing the same room / same bed thing. After that, we all started playing together. It turned into poly real fast as all of us already had strong feelings as best friends. Unfortunately, both of us (both couples) never had group sex or group love before and we all fell into our own little insecure emotional traps. Each one of us got scared of how powerful the attraction and emotions were and we all lost sight of the big picture and most of all, communication. They are still our best friends and I don't know if we will ever go down the poly road...or swinging road again. I can tell you however, it was the most incredible time of my (our) life.

 

I've seen other poly folks that have gone as far as to join houses and be one big family. Some are great, some become "War of the Roses" doubled!

 

Poly, like swinging can be a wonderful thing, just remember it's all dangerous. If you are a hard core sport-F'er swinger, it can be physically dangerous, and if you're a committed pure poly person, it can be emotionally dangerous. One thing's for sure, it's not dull! :)

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For us it wasn't a couple that was our first poly experience, it was a single male. We'd had some close friendships with other swinger couples, but nothing where romantic love had ever developed. Than came "the one".

 

He was a single guy we met that was just fabulous. In fact this guy set the bar too high for other single males. He was that good. But then again, he'd been married and in the lifestyle, so since he'd been on both side of it he knew the score.

 

So we hit it off from the first time we met and Mrs. WS and him started a very close friendship. I was traveling allot and he would hang around while I was gone and look after my family and even went and collected my teenage daughter from a party she wasn't supposed to be at one night. Him and I were friends as well and we all three hung-out together quite a bit. We had threesomes with him, Mrs. WS would stay with him at his house sometimes. We were a happy little triad.

 

The words "I love you" were never said, but it was obvious. But, he was looking for more than we could provide, which was eventually a wife and family of his own. The depth of the emotions were quite obvious when Mrs. WS and him broke-up. Mrs. WS was devastated. For months. I finally sat down with her and made her out loud admit she was in love with him, which she was very afraid to say for fear of hurting me. But admitting it to me, her best friend in the world as well as her lover and husband, was a huge step toward healing that wound.

 

Since then nothing has come really close to that. Allot of men have drifted through our life, but none of them really "get it" past the sex part. Several women have been possibilities, but they also were looking for a more traditional relationship, so having sex with us and hanging-out with us was one thing, but they broke it off when they started developing romantic emotions for us.

 

But, if the opportunity presents itself again, we are ready.

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We got started by being in the ls for about 2 yrs. One night this couple came over to the house, we played and when they left my wife and I agreed that if they wanted to be exclusive then we would in a heartbeat. We are all defintely in love with each other. Looking forward to getting a house and being one big happy family!!!

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Somehow this thread has gotten way of course from "How did you get started in a poly lifestyle" to "How did you get started in swinging." :confused:

 

Mr. WS

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Our experience with Poly relationship was with a single male. Hubby and I had been looking for a playmate for awhile (we tend to be fairly selective). I had been talking to some guys through email and phone, when one really got my juices flowing. We had been trying to figure out some dates that we could all get together and meet, as my husband had not talked to him. I already knew he was the one! Prior to all of us meeting, he called me (which he usually did) and we invited him over. This was very out of character for me (meeting someone for the first time alone, and at my house), but it just seemed right.

 

He was everything I thought he’d be, and it didn’t take long before we were kissing. We ended up having sex for most of the afternoon. I didn’t tell hubby about the meeting or the ones that followed over a 2 week stretch before we all got together for the “general meeting”. When we all met for a drink, you can imagine the uneasiness between me and my new lover as we tired to not show too much emotion.

 

Following that meeting it was mainly all 3 of us that would get together to play. It all seemed to click among us. My hubby really gets off when I am really “into” my lover, and with this one- boy was I ever! LOL It’s always more erotic and enjoyable when you have sex with someone you really like. It was clear early on that we were very passionate with each other and we weren’t just fucking, we were making love.

 

Because hubby and I were so comfortable with this person, I would meet him by myself when my husband was traveling out of town. There was never a time that I thought of leaving my husband- It was just really great having two lovers.

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Gator and I weren't looking for a poly relationship at all...even if we knew such a thing existed. Tech and Kitten were looking to find a few couples that they could be close friends with and do other things with. They didn't expect to find it all in one couple I've heard Tech say.

 

We met each other swinging and at dinner that first night we talked for hours and hours. We tied up the table at the restaurant so long that I gave our waitress an additional tip...for the people that would normally have been seated at our table after we left (if we had left after a normal amount of time). We then talked for at least another hour outside the restaurant. And it was cold!!! We just all hit it off so well. (Not sure why we didn't play that first night.) Before we knew it we were seeing them on Gator's one weekend off a month time and again. Then on the days off he had during the week some.

 

If you read my other posts, you'll know that Gator and Kitten fell for each other right away. While Tech and I liked each other and were attracted to each other, we didn't fall in love right away. Neither of us are quick to let others in. And truthfully, I also tried to protect against it. It wasn't until we actually said we weren't going to see each other any more (youngest son had real problems with this) that Tech and I realized what we meant to each other. It only took a day and we met to talk and settle things with them. Been together ever since.

 

We would like to live together one day. We live 2 hours apart right now. Therefore, we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. We try but, life just interferes at times.

 

We don't currently swing. May never do so. Some of us are ok with swinging and some of us think they have all they need and don't want to swing any more. But no matter which category we fall in, the truth of the matter is we have trouble finding time to spend together much less adding that to the mix. We have been trying to cement are relationships and make it through the rough patches you come across when four people enter a relationship. Especially if you had never considered being in a poly relationship to start with. It fell into our laps and we have been learning on the fly how things work.

 

Ok, this really turned into a small novel. :o Sorry about that.

 

Vol

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Our first poly experience was when a guy I had a class with asked me out - he knew I was a swinger, and when the semester was over he contacted me to see if I wanted to get a drink. One thing led to another and instead of a purely sexual relationship, we started dating. I researched poly, hubby and I found we identified pretty deeply with it, and our lives changed (in a good way). :)

 

My second poly experience was when the female half and I fell for each other - this was only a few months after I started dating the other guy. We'd been in a semi-exclusive swinging relationship with her and her hubby for a while (semi because it wasn't explicit or on purpose, really, it just kind of happened AND I was sleeping with the other guy as well). It was confusing and somewhat drama filled and something I honestly never want to do again (crossing from swinging to poly) unless the person(s) I/we are interested in have experience in poly.

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It was confusing and somewhat drama filled and something I honestly never want to do again (crossing from swinging to poly) unless the person(s) I/we are interested in have experience in poly.

 

Can you expand on that if you're comfortable doing so? What are the reasons you want the other couple to have poly experience in the future?

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Can you expand on that if you're comfortable doing so? What are the reasons you want the other couple to have poly experience in the future?

 

If I were to get involved in a poly relationship with another swinger (or swinger couple), I want him/her/them to know what they want. In my past experience, she had never thought about poly before so she ended up sending all kinds of mixed signals and saying she was comfortable with things she really wasn't comfortable with (primarily me sleeping with other women at the time). We ended up in this weird limbo space between swinging and poly where I felt limited in what I could do without hurting her feelings and unfulfilled in the relationship in general. I enjoy swinging. I enjoy polyships. I don't enjoy poor communication from people who aren't ready to admit what they really want.

 

And if I make her sound terrible, she isn't. We still talk, and I care about her a lot. She just wasn't (and still isn't) ready to be in the type of relationship that I want so I've limited it to friends/playmates.

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I really appreciate your contributions km34. It is great to hear from someone living a successful poly relationship without being religious about poly being "the" way. It's refreshing and insightful :)

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I really appreciate your contributions km34. It is great to hear from someone living a successful poly relationship without being religious about poly being "the" way. It's refreshing and insightful :)

 

Thank you :)

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    • By JW6145
      I’ve been lurking a while and read a ton here the boards. Now I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is not talked about very much on here. I’ve fallen in love with a playmate. I really didn’t mean for it to happen, and from what she tells me she didn’t mean for it to happen either. Let me start by saying I’ve been completely open and 100% honest with my wife, and my playmate Becca tells me that she has been mostly open with her husband. We’ll get to that in a bit.
       
      Becca and I met at a club, just a few months ago. From the first I thought she was attractive, I mean let’s face it, we’re here to fuck attractive people, right? My wife, Angie, and I went to the club that night to have some fun. We’re experienced swingers-we don’t play alot, swinging does not rule our lives- but we’ve had our share of fun. The night I met Becca was no different; we hoped to meet some fun people, have some good to great sex, and maybe make some friends we could hang out with on a regular basis.
       
      Becca and I both realized pretty quickly that there is a strong physical attraction between the two of us. The sex is effortless and I’ve never fit together with anyone better. After that first night of being together, my wife Angie and Becca’s husband Rob exchanged numbers. Becca asked for my number but I declined, telling her she could just text Angie if she wanted. I don’t normally like to have communication with the women I play with outside of swinging situations. I was not able to get Becca out of my head for the next several days- which is unusual for me. I threw caution to the wind sent her my number via SLS. She texted me a few hours later. Over the next several days we exchanged texts and even spoke on the phone a few times. All with Angie’s knowledge.
       
      We all four got together again a few weeks later-and it was even better than the first time. It was that night that I recognized that I had developed emotional feelings for Becca, and I was pretty sure that she had developed similar feelings for me.
       
      A few days after we were all together the second time I told my wife about my feelings for Becca. I told her I didn’t know if I was getting our sexual chemistry mixed up with emotion but I thought that could be the case. To my surprise Angie did not freak out. She told me she suspected something was up-given the amount of communication between Becca and I. I took a few weeks to sort out my feelings and spent many more hours talking to both Angie and Becca. I realized that I was probably in love with Becca. And I told them both so. Becca told me she feels the same way. This is not the “oh, I’ve just fucked someone new, I hope they like me best” kind of feeling. We’ve both been with other people since we met and it has not cooled our emotions. This is raw, real and deep.
       
      When I told Angie all of this she gave me license to pursue a relationship with Becca and follow it wherever it may lead. I did not ask for this, Angie offered it to me. Angie is secure about our commitment to each other-I am not leaving my wife and Becca and Angie both know that. Becca also has no intention of leaving her husband.
       
      Becca has talked with her husband Rob about us and the feelings we’ve developed for each other. What she has not told him is that she thinks loves me, she does not know how he would react to that (here is the mostly open part that I alluded to in the first paragraph). She has told him our feelings are deep but has not gone into how much we care for each other. Rob is completely comfortable with texts and calls throughout the day, but not with Becca and I meeting without him and Angie there-even for lunch or dinner. I completely understand and respect this. I don’t like it, but I respect it. I suspect if the shoe were on the other foot I would feel the same way. I really genuinely like Rob by the way, he treats both Becca and Angie really well-and he and Angie have really great sex together. Angie has told Rob that it’s just sex between the two of them and Rob feels the same way. They have no other feelings for each other past that.
       
      Becca and I text every day and talk several times a week; I know about her life and children, and she knows about mine. We have similar interests and lives outside of swinging, we are in similar businesses. We have become emotional rocks for each other. I get emotional needs met from her that I do not get from Angie. Again, I have been upfront with Angie about all this and she is fine with it.
       
      So here are my big questions: Do these things really ever work, or are we on the express train to Dramaville?
       
      Is it possible to keep something like this going long term?
       
      How do we navigate the fact that Rob is not comfortable with Becca and I meeting without him around (again, we will not be going against his wishes on this one) and knowing that he and Angie will want to have more variety in their swinging soon, which will leave less opportunity for Becca and I to be together?
       
      Any thoughts from the wise sages on here are welcome. I’m a big boy-if I’ve being naïve about anything please tell me. I can take it.
    • By Bluespruce1
      We have been playing with a couple for about five years on and off. We see them at our club, at some resorts and at local house parties. Wherever we are, she always seeks out my husband. We have all been together many times and I enjoy her husband very much, but for my husband and I, it’s literally just sex.
       
      She is very different with my husband lately than with her other partners. I believe she has fallen for him. When I see them together, she is very passionate and attentive to him in ways that I don’t see when she’s with other men. My husband rolls with it and is always a pleaser.
       
      We don’t want to make things uncomfortable or lose their friendship, but we are getting uncomfortable with the notion that she may be interested in a deeper relationship than we have experienced with other partners.
       
      Should we just go with it? I’m not sure I can handle sharing him that way and I don’t think he’s interested in that type of relationship either. Thoughts about when the sex leads to something more?
    • By Bluespruce1
      So we took in a very good friend about six weeks ago following a very ugly split with her ex. We have know both of them for about ten years and started playing together about three years ago. I actually have known her much longer and before we started hanging out as couples.
       
      Anyway, things have evolved to a point where we are sharing our bed 4-5 nights per week. We are playing together and separately. For example, in the morning it’s not unusual for me to come out of the shower and find her and my husband snuggling, touching and even fucking. I actually love seeing them together and have no feelings of jealousy. She and I are doing the same and actually took the day off Wednesday and simply spent the day in bed alone while he was at work. It’s not all about sex, but it’s clear that she really loves him and I think he feels the same about her. I know that I care deeply for her and may actually be in love as well.
       
      We prepare meals together, hang out in the evenings together, play together and still swing separately, but it is definitely decreasing. Everything feels very natural and relaxed and we are all content - have we found ourselves slipping into a true polyamorous relationship? I never really thought about it and we were talking about it last night.
       
      Thoughts? Warnings? This is uncharted territory.
    • By Fla-swing99
      This is the wife half asking this question. Am I correct in the definition of a poly in the fact that it means you believe you can love more than one person at the same time?
       
      If so, I am a little confused on how that can be. I guess I always felt that if you are truly in love your heart and soul is to that one person. How can you love more than one person at once and still feel that it is really love to both or either person?
       
      Please don’t take my question as a negative one, I am just very curious and would love to learn about how it works. I have only recently learned or heard about the lifestyle of polyamores, so I am intrigued and curious to learn a bit more on it. Also how then do you feel that you have met your soulmate, or do you believe there is no such thing or even possibly more than one soulmate for you?
       
      Thank you for any replies that may help me to understand this better.
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