Pulling out, before coming, your thoughts?

[myspaceguru 15]

Just curious. We are new to swinging and are going to attend our first swingers Halloween Party 2006. We are classy young couple 21 F and 23 M. We have a very good relationship, not married yet but are engaged and live together.

 

One of the rules we have set is to always use condoms with plenty of lubricant and never to come inside of her. This is our comfort zone.

 

What does everyone here think about swinging with a couple that expects you to pull out?

 

 

Ps. We have more rules, but pulling out doesn't seem to be covered in other threads.

[JTcamp05 9]

If you were using a condom correctly and you "came" your really "comming" into the condom and not "her".......

 

I'm sure a responsible couple can have sex with the use of a condom safely....without every detail worked out....

 

You might find your comfort level with your rules raise if your very selective and "swing" with couples you feel comfortable with.....

 

As for my thought....I would be insaulted if that request was made to me....as if I didn't know how to use a condom correctly.....

[deanncat 25]

sounds a little too controling

[lookingfornow 116]

Agreed. I guess we would shy away.

[GotBatteries? 15]

This is our prefered method of finishing.

 

Usually, I (female) will ask the male to come on my tuchas or sometimes, my face. Depending on the position. I happen to like it when a guy does that, its visually stimulating as well as...well, hot. So far, it hasnt been looked at as an odd request-at least no one is freaking out because I ask them to do it.....maybe they are and I just dont know? Hmmmmm.

 

The other reason I prefer this is because we have chosen not to use hormonal birthcontrol in our personal life. I feel, rightly or wrongly, that I am taking less risk of having an 'oppps!' with a swing partner by keeping their swimmers away from my pool.

 

So, at least to US, this wouldnt be a strange request.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Would have to agree we would shy away too if condoms are involved. It's bad enough we have to use a condom then to be asked to pull out?

[Mr. Truelove 81]

It seems odd to me that you would require pulling out after already requiring a condom. There is that thing called pre-cum that is already well on it's way into the condom at that point. I do like pulling out, putting in, pulling out, putting in...

 

But if I liked you, I'd go along with it.

[sexyshelby 19]

I don't really see the point... But if we liked you and knew about this upfront, I guess it wouldn't be too big of an issue.

 

What makes you feel more comfortable with this rule?

 

By the way, Welcome

 

~SS

[myspaceguru 15]

We are new to swinging and practice this in our home. I don't wear a condom but I do pull out, even though she is on birth control. Perhaps in the future this won't be such a big deal to us. Being new to swinging we haven't learned how to judge people in these kinds of situations and at our age we couldn't afford to have anything happen, pregnancy or stds. We are not saying that people can't be trusted, or that they don't know how to use a condom properly. It's just that we are trying to open our minds up to the whole idea and before we do we've set boundaries. Not to insult anyone on their abilities to read a package and apply the directions properly, or even their experience. It's just to make her more comfortable and if she's not comfortable I'm twice as uncomfortable and we are an easy going couple.

 

I personally don't find anything wrong with pulling out, even when we did use condoms I still did. This is something I've done in our relationship and other relations that I've had. Perhaps I'm desensitized and my dick hasn't much feeling, but wearing a condom really isn't that much different in my opinion. If you use plenty of lube and she has been teased to where she is extremely hot and wet, that's where the excitement is for me. Her touch, her kiss, her hot wet pussy, her red face and shacking legs when she gets off.

 

I know there is also the question of pre come. Really though, I might be missing something here, because when I've taken a condom off, before coming, it doesn't seem like there is much there. If the condom broke before coming then there's a chance something could happen, but it's probably much smaller than if there was a huge load in her. The only thing I could recall as pre coming was when I was with my first girlfriend and 2 seconds into it I came, didn't want to tell her so I kept going, then came again. Does that qualify as precome or is it just seconds.

 

Personally I've found pulling out to be as and in some cases more stimulating than coming inside. We as a couple have figured out ways to make this fun for the both of us. If she just left me hanging and I had to get off myself, then there would be no pulling out. Sometimes though I prefer that I do it myself and we always mix things up. She has become very aware of my needs right before the fact and it actually has become very stimulating. There are a lot of tricks a women can do on a man before he gets off like massaging the outside of the anus, or biting his nipples.

 

This whole pulling out thing isn't as bad as it sounds. Some people may not prefer it, but not everyone has to swing with us and we respect their needs as long as they respect ours. Perhaps in the future our rules will not be so tight, but for now we are sticking to them.

 

Another rule we have, this is not for swinging, just in the bedroom. Is that we are always completely honest with each other and she always, always gets off before I do.

I set this rule because when I come, I don't even feel like getting out of bed. This way she's happy and I'm happy.

 

Thanks for the posts,

 

Looking forward to your responses. If the grammar is off, send me the changes I'll fix it.

[ShellyM 0]

One of the rules we have set is to always use condoms with plenty of lubricant and never to come inside of her. This is our comfort zone.

What does everyone here think about swinging with a couple that expects you to pull out?

 

Now, are they talking about not cumming in YOUR partner, or your play partner? You may want to clarify this, because I'm thinking that may be what they are meaning. First of all, I will give you a little advice. Making love to your partner, no condom no problem. But if you are having sex with these people and you have never met them before I would advise that it not be an issue, because you should be wearing a condom anyways. I would clarify the issue with them about partner vs. play partner, and buy a box of condoms.

[myspaceguru 15]

Nobody's coming in anybody in this situation, not even with a condom. We will always use condoms with play partners. I won't come in my female play partner and I expect the play partner guy not to come in my partner. Even if you're wearing a condom you still pull it out.

 

Does that help clarify things?

[Mr. Truelove 81]

If you think pulling out will decrease your chances of transmitting an STD, it may be true, but on a scale that it likely wouldn't matter.

 

Also, certain STDs are transmitted outside of the protection of a condom anyway.

 

This is covered pretty well in the STD forum if you poke around.

[Dooode 18]

I'm lost on the whole rule of pulling out even if a condom is being worn. The condom offers some protection against STDs, and its track record in preventing pregnancies is pretty good, but it won't prevent ALL STDs and it won't prevent ALL pregancies (precum DOES carry a degree of sperm after all, and should the condom ever break, who's to know ..?).

 

I'm not against comfort levels, nor am I against preferences. But this activity will NEVER be 100% safe and that's a fact. Swinging by its very nature has a degree of risk, whether it's intentional or unintentional.

 

You can MINIMIZE the risk. But 100% safe? No way, Jose.

 

We are not saying that people can't be trusted, or that they don't know how to use a condom properly.

Absolutely, say that. Anything can slip past you if you don't keep an eye open.

 

Seriously. Let's get real here: We're talking recreational sex, not devoting your heart and trust to your life mate.

 

As good a time as it can be, NEVER let your guard down.

[myspaceguru 15]

We are trying to minimize our risks, that's all. It's within our comfort level. I'm sure when people meet us this shouldn't be a problem and if it is and we never hook up, that's fine with us. We all have guards and we don't want to let ours down. "You know, keep an eye open" (Rolling Stones Dooode.)

 

You all have given us great feedback. Thank you so much. We just wanted to see how people would react. We plan on attending a Halloween party and thought we would put ourselves out there with our thoughts. This way when we go, we have all your thoughts and opinions to consider.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Just curious about the pulling out issue. If you know the other male has a vas and the surgical scars to prove it does he have to pull out too?

[GotBatteries? 15]

Just curious about the pulling out issue. If you know the other male has a vas and the surgical scars to prove it does he have to pull out too?

 

I would still ask him to.

[JTcamp05 9]

You will be hard pressed to find a couple who will comply with every last detail spelled out by you...... Your having sex and well if you are going to have sex with others some things are a given. You can use condoms (correctly) and vurtualy eliminate risks that you speek of.

 

I think to find a couple who wish to have every detail spelled out down to when the male must remove his penis would be impossible. You would be far better off to relax and put more time and thought into finding a respectable couple that is low risk.

[ShellyM 0]

Nobody's coming in anybody in this situation, not even with a condom. We will always use condoms with play partners. I won't come in my female play partner and I expect the play partner guy not to come in my partner. Even if you're wearing a condom you still pull it out.

 

Does that help clarify things?

 

I can definately agree with that as well.

[ShellyM 0]

Just curious about the pulling out issue. If you know the other male has a vas and the surgical scars to prove it does he have to pull out too?

 

IMO, that depends on how well you know him. Now, if you are in a monogomous relationship with the couple, and you KNOW he doesn't have std's, (even though ya'll are right, condoms don't offer 100% protection), i would say no....as long as you also KNOW for a fact that he has had a vas......however, if you are at a party, or they are not exclusive, etc. I would say yes, use a condom. No measure other than abstinence is sure, but it does give a heck of a lot more protection than not using one.

[good times 991]

What does everyone here think about swinging with a couple that expects you to pull out?

We have done this a couple of times with couples that we do not use condoms with, but if a couple told us that they required condoms and required us to pull out we would just pass with a polite, no thanks. My opinion is that if I were worried enough about something to go to this extreme then I wouldn't be swinging.

 

If you decide to pursue the lifestyle though I do have on piece of advice to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Just be sure to be up front with people about your rules well before you get to the play room, especially if you have rules beyond the ordinary like these. One thing we have been having happen lately, especially with newbie's, is that we get to the play room thinking we having everything worked out and everyone is on the same page and then they spring a last minute rule on us that, had we known it before, would have caused us to decline playing with them. We still stop everything and go our seperate ways, but it is uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing to get to that point and then have to decline.

[ShellyM 0]

One thing we have been having happen lately, especially with newbie's, is that we get to the play room thinking we having everything worked out and everyone is on the same page and then they spring a last minute rule on us that, had we known it before, would have caused us to decline playing with them.

 

Okay, I'm living proof of this....this is a GREAT tid-bit of valuable advice. Thanks for putting this out there.

[prettylady 221]

I really love the feeling of a guy cuming in me. If it was an option between pullling out or condom. I would choose condom. I want the guy I am with to be close when he cums. I want to hold on tight, and feel his body tense up in my arms. That is hot for me. Not having him up on his knees jerking off on me.

That maybe fun for some, just not quite fun for me.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[ShellyM 0]

I really love the feeling of a guy cuming in me. If it was an option between pullling out or condom. I would choose condom. I want the guy I am with to be close when he cums. I want to hold on tight, and feel his body tense up in my arms. That is hot for me. Not having him up on his knees jerking off on me.

 

Enough of this kind of talk, I may have to take Jay in the other room if I keep reading this sort of post lol.

He appreciates your comment.

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

One thing we have been having happen lately, especially with newbie's, is that we get to the play room thinking we having everything worked out and everyone is on the same page and then they spring a last minute rule on us that, had we known it before, would have caused us to decline playing with them.

That's one reason why we generally avoid playing with newbies altogether. Some unresolved issue always seems to manifest itself.

 

To address the original issue of this thread, we wouldn't have a problem with pulling out even if we were using condoms with another couple. This might sound unusual to the veterans of the Swingers Board who know us as a bareback couple, but we understand that everyone has a different comfort level regarding semen, so we try to respect that. Besides, they are so many other fun places to cum.

[myspaceguru 15]

Thanks for that post. It makes us a bit more comfortable knowing what people views are on these topics. Just so everyone knows we have decided due to this posts to make it one of the first things we would discuss with another group. " Hi my name is .... Just so you know.... this post... What do you feel about that?" Ok lets go, or lets not. I'm sure there will be people that will try talking us out of it. That's why we still have to read the post about politetly saying no thanks.

 

Anyways thanks for the feedback.

[bimickie26 15]

sounds like you have some issues that need addressing before entering this lifestyle, saying this to me would invoke a "ok he's a wierdo" type response.

 

the coming in the condom comment pretty much put it across, the male part of the couple you swing with, whats he supposed to do, be on the verge, wip it out, pull off the condom, can you wife finish the job with her hands or is this taboo, so he has to do it himself and rules swing both ways so you too, its just all very wierd.

 

Stick to soft swap I don't think you are comfortable for full swap right now and you are both very young why not enjoy each other???

[myspaceguru 15]

Stick to soft swap I don't think you are comfortable for full swap right now and you are both very young why not enjoy each other???

 

Weirdo ok from time to time.. Aren't we all a bit weird though? Your right we are not comfortable with a full swap right now. Who really knows when the time is right though? If you've actually read over this whole post you would have read about the part where we mention that she wouldn't just leave the guy hanging in this situation to finish the deed himself. She is not that cruel. Tell us when the right age to start would be. This is something that we both want to do and we aren't just jumping into things. Our thinking is that we will take it slow and if nothing happens with any other couples, that's fine with us. The boundaries will be set before going to the bedroom so that nobody is unclear of the others expectations.

 

We are very mature in our life and both do very well financially even though we are still in college. As far as enjoying each other, we do very much! We asked ourselves these questions. What's wrong with swinging, what would be fun about it, what scares us about it, what makes us comfortable with it, what could the consequences be, is our relationship stable enough to do this, who would we like to meet, what fun events could we attend, am I really that sexy, do I want another man to come in me even with a condom, do we want to use condoms, what if our family finds out, what if I get another women pregnant, what if nobody wants to swing with us, what if we post something and people bash us, are we to young, are we any good at sex, will the other people be good at sex? This list goes on. Before this board was here and all this information about this lifestyle was made easily available, perhaps we wouldn't have considered it. Now that we have a little basic training we want to try our skills in the field. Explore with others, go out on double dates, find out what they do and don't do to each as a couple. I'm not bragging or boasting but I'm fairly attractive and she is too. We are both in excellent shape and have very structured families. One day we would like to start a family of our own, but not right now.

 

Who's to say that there is an age to begin. I'm definintly not a person to judge that. Maturity level is very important. Do we feel that we are mature enough to enter this kind of lifestyle? Well I guess we don't know because we haven't done anything with anyone else yet. Can we take steps to being more mature about the steps we take in the future? Well if so, I think this board is an excellent place to start, followed by a few Club H parties, some nude beaches and perhaps maybe just some light swaping. Who's to say that it can't start out as a swap and finish as a light swap, or there are even posts where people don't allow penetration. Does that make them weirdos? It just seems to us that anyone can start into this lifestyle at any level they feel comfortable with. Our level is that of not soft swapping but swapping with pulling out. Let's call it in the middle.

 

Here is a small list mf swapping:

 

1. Playing around, kissing. 2 .hand jobs, blow jobs, eating out, banging 3.Soft swapping "two couples in the same room" 4. Kind of soft swapping with condoms and coming outside of her in the condom or if your quick enough to take it off, maybe on her chest 5. Swapping and coming inside the condom inside her 6. No condom coming outside, 7. No condoms coming inside.

 

Some people like anal and some people like bondage anal and two guys to come in them at the same time. If we were into this we would accomodate them just like some people here at the board have. We would in no way judge them for their fetishes or beliefs. Some women are bi sexual, some bi curious, that's fine with us if she has been with other women, there are certain things my fiance might do with them is she was attractive. Here again we would never judge anybody for their rules. We do not believe people are weirdos because they have rules and limitations that are different from ours.

 

Maybe we'll call these stages. We feel comfortable playing at stage 3.

 

Anybody care to add to this list feel free. This list could be huge.

 

Her getting him off is not taboo, we have spoken about this here in this post and in others.

[bimickie26 15]

i guess i just dont get it, cuming in a condom while inside her is not okay but fucking her in the first place is, it makes no sense to me at all but i am a woman and cannot begin to fathom what makes guys tick. One thing i can tell you is it probably makes no difference to your girlfriend its you that has the issue...

[myspaceguru 15]

i guess i just dont get it, cuming in a condom while inside her is not okay but fucking her in the first place is, it makes no sense to me at all but i am a woman and cannot begin to fathom what makes guys tick. One thing i can tell you is it probably makes no difference to your girlfriend its you that has the issue...

 

This was her rule if we swing, and if it's hers then it's mine. She's not comfortable with it and I back her up. If this is her comfort level, I'm fine with that. If she wanted the opposite I do not feel as though I own her, she can make those decisions herself. I'm not the big dominant controlling male. Our relationship is a 50/50 split. This applies around the house and in the bedroom. Lots of people have lots of issues, if this is our biggest one and that's a problem, for some people, we respect their opinions. Although we may not agree with them on some issues, we are careful not to judge them. Anyways we respect your opinion, but do not agree with it.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Here's a suggestion.

 

Use a contraceptive foam along with a condom. The foam does nothing STD wise but it is added protection against pregnancy, and also works as a lubricant. VCF makes a relatively inexpensive one.

 

Mr. Lol

[2jersey 16]

Weirdo ok from time to time..

 

Here is a small list mf swapping:

 

1. Playing around, kissing. 2 .hand jobs, blow jobs, eating out, banging 3.Soft swapping "two couples in the same room" 4. Kind of soft swapping with condoms and coming outside of her in the condom or if your quick enough to take it off, maybe on her chest 5. Swapping and coming inside the condom inside her 6. No condom coming outside, 7. No condoms coming inside.

 

Some people like anal and some people like bondage anal and two guys to come in them at the same time. If we were into this we would accomodate them just like some people here at the board have. We would in no way judge them for their fetishes or beliefs. Some women are bi sexual, some bi curious, that's fine with us if she has been with other women, there are certain things my fiance might do with them is she was attractive. Here again we would never judge anybody for their rules. We do not believe people are weirdos because they have rules and limitations that are different from ours.

 

Maybe we'll call these stages. We feel comfortable playing at stage 3.

 

We're intrigued by your list of "stages".

 

Please clarify stage 3 - what is "banging"?

 

And, in what way does stage 3 differ from stage 2?

[bimickie26 15]

We're intrigued by your list of "stages".

 

Please clarify stage 3 - what is "banging"?

 

And, in what way does stage 3 differ from stage 2?

 

stage 1 is the primary stage, the launching engine so to speak

stage 2 is the orbital stage

stage 3 is the banging stage were the rocket bangs into orbit

 

hope this clears it up for you any more questions please contact mission control at nasa... lol

[bimickie26 15]

This was her rule if we swing, and if it's hers then it's mine. She's not comfortable with it and I back her up. If this is her comfort level, I'm fine with that. If she wanted the opposite I do not feel as though I own her, she can make those decisions herself. I'm not the big dominant controlling male. Our relationship is a 50/50 split. This applies around the house and in the bedroom. Lots of people have lots of issues, if this is our biggest one and that's a problem, for some people, we respect their opinions. Although we may not agree with them on some issues, we are careful not to judge them. Anyways we respect your opinion, but do not agree with it.

 

ok its her decision, wayyyy wierd but thats just my take of it, so cuming on her chest is okay with her but cuming in a condom in her is not... for me the first option were actual body fluids are exchanged ie its on her skin is way more personal don't ya think? would be for me

 

I am not judging you BTW you are totally entitled to your "comfort level" i just dont get it is all. Having a man inside me in the first place is an intimate thing and if Ive gone that far i might as well finish the job at hand so to speak again i am not judging you and you should take whats written on the internet with a pinch of salt.... or salty one of the two

[myspaceguru 15]

Stage 2. Banging: the act of sticking objects into the vagina or anus of a women or a man such as, fingers, dildos or fists. From the sexual pre tense bang.

 

John was on the the floor banging Jennifer. Jennifer loves when John bangs her pussy with four fingers.

 

Something like that

------------------------------------

Ps. This is made up, it's not actually in the dictionary. That I know of.

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

I don't really see the point... But if we liked you and knew about this upfront, I guess it wouldn't be too big of an issue.

 

 

 

~SS

 

Dito

 

We have heard of some strange rules, and this is def not the strangest.... we would have no problem.

[funcpl4life 51]

I have current and former partners who think/thought semen was radioactive, poisonous, and caused premature aging unless first deposited in a vagina. They don't want to see, smell, feel, taste, or hear the stuff. Pulling out would be kind of fun and different for me.

YMMV

Mr. FC4L

[Dooode 18]

I have current and former partners who think/thought semen was radioactive, poisonous, and caused premature aging unless first deposited in a vagina. They don't want to see, smell, feel, taste, or hear the stuff. Pulling out would be kind of fun and different for me.

YMMV

Mr. FC4L

Does semen also cause hair loss or hair growth?

 

Sure wouldn't wanna see a bald woman with a hairy pair of tits.

 

Eww ...

[GotBatteries? 15]

I like that you are sticking by what makes you comfortable.

[TerryforSex 14]

controlling your wife is not a way for her to enjoy a swining party. she may have a comfort zone very different from the husbands. when you are out of the swinging room she is in, maybe she enjoys herself the way she wants.

 

i cant imagine my husband telling me how to swing.

i prefer him out of the bedroom. what i do is my own business.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I have current and former partners who think/thought semen was radioactive, poisonous, and caused premature aging unless first deposited in a vagina. They don't want to see, smell, feel, taste, or hear the stuff. Pulling out would be kind of fun and different for me.

YMMV

Mr. FC4L

 

Interesting....

 

We played with a couple where she gets squimish at the sight of cum. Doesn't even like to see her husband's. I'm wondering how they got their two children.

 

As far as the pulling out in a condom, I'd leave that decision to Drew. After all, he'd be the one who had to make special accomodations. I'm inclined to think he'd just say no...unless she was Halle Berry or Jessica Alba fine. I think he'd go along then.

 

Pepper

[Mr. Truelove 81]

We played with a couple where she gets squimish at the sight of cum. Doesn't even like to see her husband's.

Pepper

 

Funny Pepper, I didn't think we played with you yet...

 

My wife is trying to get over that, but she's still having a hard time with it. It seems irrational to me, especially since I'm fixed and there are no wiggly little guys in there anymore. But she has always been afraid of any animal smaller than a basketball, insects, various fluids, and anything like that. Icky Icky Icky stuff.

 

I'm a patient guy though, and she's making efforts to get over it, so oh well. It will be interesting to see if she lets loose in our early swining experiences.

 

Mr. Truelove

[friskymonkey 15]

My husband pulls out of me every time. That's just our thing. We don't do it for birth control nor for disease prevention, we think the visual experience of his orgasm is one of the fun, hot parts of sex. We even did it back in the days when we used a condom. So we wouldn't consider it the least bit of an inconvenience or the least bit weird.

[ShellyM 0]

I have no problem with it either way. Just tell me first lol! My play partner came on my stomach lol. I had no problem with it, but I would have liked some sort of warning lol.

[flkeyscouple 21]

i cant imagine my husband telling me how to swing.

i prefer him out of the bedroom. what i do is my own business.

 

My husband would never tell me how to swing, but we do discuss our limitations - which are pretty few and always end with 'go with the flow'! But, I can't imagine wanting him out of the bedroom! We are same room only folks, actually prefer same bed!

 

As far as pulling out - with or without a condom - I don't think that would be a problem for Roger, and I know it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't have as intenstive 'O' as I would with him coming inside me (with or without condom) but I'd still enjoy his 'O' anyway!

 

Sarah

[nmgrrrl 15]

nmturfman will ask sometimes "in ya or on ya" cuz he knows i have a fondness for having it on my ass or my tits. its pretty much up to the particular situation, what we are doing, the mood. either is ok, but i do prefer him to cum inside when i do cuz its just that much more intense.