Would you play with soft swingers?

[BonnyaClyde 15]

My wife and I are turned on by the thought of same room sex, petting, and playing with another couple but neither of us want to have sex with someone else.

My wife is concerned that if started playing with swingers there would be alot of pressure to have sex with them or dissapointment if we didn't.

 

Would you play with a couple that would not have sex with you?

[ShellyM 0]

In honesty I don't think I would. To me, it would be like a meal without the steak lol....good, but somehow not completely satisfying. I know there are people who are willing to do this. The key is letting them know up front and straight out. That way there are no expectations of full play, and then there are no dissapointments.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

My wife & I are turned on by the thought of sme room sex & petting & playing with another couple but neither of us want to have sex with someone else.

There are many things you can do with another couple during soft swing that excludes intercourse. You can enjoy kissing, touching, manual stimulation, oral, massage, etc. If 'not having sex' to you only means not having intercourse with the other couple, you can find other couples who would be comfortable with that, even full swap couples like ourselves play with soft swing couples as long as it's clear from the start that we all will engage in swapping where all of those other options will be okay.

 

If you are clear upfront (in your ad profile if you have one) as to what "soft swing" means to you, what you will do and won't do during play, then you should have no problem finding interested couples if you are open to some degree of exchange.

 

If "soft swing" to you means never interacting with the other couple then it will be very tough finding others who have the same restriction.

 

LM

[good times 991]

No, we have done this before and it just isn't all that fun for us. Kind of like going to the theme park when it is closed.

[2jersey 16]

Sure, why not? Some of our private sessions (just the two of us) involve sexual activity without intercourse - we have no problem following the same agenda when another couple is included.

 

When we were a soft swap couple, we encountered varying degrees of opposition from full swap couples. We can only remember one couple who didn't want to soft swap with us (they were hardened veterans). Most full swap couples were willing to stoop to our level (once they realized this was the only way they were going to get us to the bedroom).

[2lookinforfun77 15]

We would certainly play with a soft swing couple if we liked and connected with them. There's lotsa fun stuff to do depending on what the other couple's definition of soft swing is. In fact one of our first encouvers was a soft swing... and that was very interesting. Be up-front with exactly what you want and what your boundaries are.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Why bother with an appetizer/soft swap when you can have an entree/full swap?

[SuAndBud 23]

Soft-swing is an entity in itself (almost separate to swinging).

 

How on earth do you draw up (let alone adhere to) limits in such a situation?

 

The following is not "swing" related at all, but just an interesting anecdote that involved "soft-sex".

 

Bud met a girl when he was 21 and she 19. they hit it off and went out. A nice evening was had. It was repeated and repeated and repeated until Alison (the girl) eventually agreed to go for a night-cap at Bud's apartment.

 

A drink or two was cracked open. Music was playing. It was a warm night.

 

"It's warm, isn't it" said Bud.

 

"Maybe we've got too many clothes on" said A.

 

Both stripped buck naked and caressed on Bud's bed. A was happy to play with Bud's dick and balls and Bud was more than happy playing with A's form and pussy whilst they tongue-jousted for England.

 

A lay back and opened her legs so Bud could make love to her but at the last second twisted her hips to prevent his entrance and said "No". Not a problem, really. All foreplay. Bud and A were deep kissing and talking nice and soft to each other while Bud gripped his dick in his hand and stroked it up and down between A's pussy lips - pausng and pressing at her hood which was sending her wild. A's pussy was sopping wet but each time Bud tried to press home she twisted her hips to prevent him entering her and said "No".

 

This went on for about 2 or 3 hours (a not unpleasurable time, but not what either of them truly wanted either).

 

Bud (getting tired and irritable towards the end) said "You know, I get the feeling that you want me to fck you but you can't own up to it".

 

"I think you're probably right" she breathed "I'm a virgin" (this was not a nasty conversation, both were still getting off on each other and enjoying deep kisses and soft caresses).

 

Bud then positioned his penis at the entrance to her vagina and pushed inside about half a centimetre (waiting for her to twist her hips again). "I think you want to, but you just don't want to be seen to agree to it the first time" said Bud. "I think you want a guy to just do it, force it, even though you're saying no" he continued.

 

"I think you're right" said A. "I want it but can't agree to it at the same time. Once I lose my virginity I can never get it back, it's gone forever". Bud pressed a little more on A's hymen. "No" she said.

 

"I can't do it as long as you say NO. I just can't. You'll have to find someone else" said Bud, not unkindly and with no nastiness as he could understand her dilemna.

 

Bud and Alison parted as friends, but never got passed "soft-sex". They remained friends for a good year and a half. Bud even visited Alison at her home and Alison came and stayed with Bud again at his but whilst they would kiss and hold each other no further nakedness ever ensued. Bud always used to ask if she wanted some fun and Alison always just said "Sorry, I'm not ready".

 

Bud and A became penpals and one day Bud received a letter from A in which she exclaimed excitedly that she'd "done it" with a number one guy who was a friend, lover, counsellor the lot. Bud sent a warm letter of congratulations (not without a little sadness on his part that it hadn't been him). Bud wrote again on three occasions but never heard back from Alison (sad eh?).

 

Bud related this story to a Detective Inspector in the Police Force many years later who said he could state categorically that under such circumstance Bud would never have been convicted of rape.

 

But Bud's got no regrets (well maybe it would have been fun to screw Alison) . But as long as she says no - it's no-go.

 

Soft-Swinging would drive us up the wall!

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

We get off in all kinds of ways. We like everthing from watching another cpl while they watch us to swapping up for an all nighter and everything in between. (well, almost)...lol

[Tia Vampire 167]

I guess you can call me a soft swapper. I rather give head and just not bother with all out sex. I love giving head. facelick

[WesternSwing 504]

We have in the past, but it is really not why we are there. It can be fun, it can add a different dimension to the whole thing, but it just isn't our gig.

 

Mr. WS

[WesternSwing 504]

As an additional comment to this, you will be able to find other couples that feel like you do; there are many that soft-swing only. You'll just have to search harder.

[sereneiders 263]

Well, up to me this is like asking "would you appreciate foreplay even if you won't have intercourse later on?", and the answer is "yes".

 

In the last case, my wife would say "thank you guys to heat the pot for me to drink the tea".

[telly2 15]

In the last case, my wife would say "thank you guys to heat the pot for me to drink the tea".

 

 

Mr.Telly2 says:

 

Well Said!!

[2jersey 16]

When you choose to eliminate soft swap from consideration, you are defacto separating yourself from a large subset of the swinging community - including some people who you may regard as very attractive.

 

When we were a soft swap couple, we encountered several full swap couples who were willing to play with us - not because they preferred soft swap, but because they were highly attracted to us (or so they said ).

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

We would pass. For us, swapping is the whole point of this lifestyle.

[telly2 15]

Mr.Telly2 here.

 

I don't see why not.For me watching others or even watching the Mrs. give oral to another man is quite erotic,especially if another woman is doing the same to me.

 

Play comes in many forms,but it's all for fun.

 

Just my opinnion.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

When you choose to eliminate soft swap from consideration, you are defacto separating yourself from a large subset of the swinging community - including some people who you may regard as very attractive.

 

We choose to eliminate soft swap due to the drama we've encountered with soft swap couples. Has nothing to do with how attractive a couple is.

 

Lets add non-smoking, hwp, no gog play and no soft swap and our choices are greatly reduced but in our area there are lots of swingers and we still get to choose those we play with. Too many choices and not enough time to play with all those we find compatible.

[2jersey 16]

We choose to eliminate soft swap due to the drama we've encountered with soft swap couples. Has nothing to do with how attractive a couple is.

 

Lets add non-smoking, hwp, no gog play and no soft swap and our choices are greatly reduced but in our area there are lots of swingers and we still get to choose those we play with. Too many choices and not enough time to play with all those we find compatible.

 

Understood. If you have alot of first rate options, there is less of a need to experiment with second rate possibilities. Good for you!

[WildMainePussy 15]

Perhaps soft isn't as well favored as full because it requires time and learning how to pleasure your partner?

 

It's not just a case of getting it on immediately...it's extended foreplay with other options of how to orgasm other than the slambang method. I can see some people resisting as usually the cuddling and intimacy it generates is reserved for each other.

 

We heard of a couple who claimed 'soft' but when the husband left the room for a smoke, the wife threw all that to the wind and went for the gusto. Of course when he came back in, he flipped out as she was definitely not doing anything soft and called an immediate end to the session.

 

I think sometimes people's definition of soft involves too many explanations of what to do and can't do to be worth the hassle.

 

Now to do a 'soft' night as a variation with regular full swap friends might make a nice change.

[ShellyM 0]

Perhaps soft isn't as well favored as full because it requires time and learning how to pleasure your partner? It's not just a case of getting it on immediately...it's extended foreplay with other options of how to orgasm other than the slambang method.

 

Well, I can't say that I agree with this. Now, given this is not coming from experience, only opinion. But, I don't think that soft necessarily takes more time and learning as full play at all. I think that us, for instance, we are in this to fulfill fantasies. I don't know how to explain it I guess, but soft is not for us. Now, slambang is good sometimes, I'll give you that. But, I don't think all full play is 2 minutes and done at all.

[WildMainePussy 15]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to indicate a short session with 'slambang' but rather soft swap couples don't want penetration at all by other. Agreed, a well paced slambang can be very very good! Especially when the guy can recover with a little TLC to enjoy another slower round.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

If we met in person, were interested, and you were a soft swap couple, we'd probably play, as soft swap is fun at times, but if you were to contact us online, we'd probably pass, just because it's not what we're seeking out. We've played with soft only couples, and while it's fun, there does tend to be some hesitation on our part because usually you get mixed signals. You start playing, and a lot of times, one member of the couple give signals that they want to go further, when what they've said at the beginning of the night may be something different. We're not against soft swap, but we'd really have to be interested first.

 

Pepper

[xxoticangel 99]

Even though it is not our first choice we are open to the idea of soft swap. We went through a soft swap stage early in the lifestyle and had a great time with it.

[northindycpl 32]

I voted yes, but we would try and talk them into it

 

We have played with soft swing couples, and it hasn't been bad. Typically, we will soft play for a bit, then the wives will go to their own husband for intercourse. It seems that soft is a way to break into swapping. Or atleast from what we have experienced.

 

It seems to me that, soft swing, is usually at the wives insistance more then the husbands. It seems to me that wives have no issue with feeling comfortable seeing their husbands get blown, or whatever, but the minute that swapping is mentioned, it isn't that they don't mind the swapping for themselves, but not for their husbands.

 

What really matters is that you are comfortable and that you are happy with your decision-soft or swap.

[2jersey 16]

I voted yes, but we would try and talk them into it

 

Better to pass than to try to push someone beyond their comfort zone.

[clecouple 18]

For us the SOFT-SWAP option leaves something "SPECIAL" between me and my wife. When I first brought up swinging to my wife, she cried and thought she wasn't doing something for me. On the contrary! She is the most sexiest wife and she's great at BJ's!!! I just wanted to experiement, one reason I always had this fantasy of seeing with another guy and I was never that experimental when I was younger. I felt that we had a such a trusting and loving relationship that we could try this. To me, it made more sense to try swinging when we were married and committed rather than trying it when we were dating.

 

The SOFT-SWAP agreement between us is that we can do everything but no guy goes in my wife's pussy. My wife has said that her pussy is for my cock only! That's our point in being married, trying to keep something special between us that no one else can have. And we also will not swap in separate rooms. We both "get off" so much seeing each other being pleasured by someone else that if we went into separate rooms we would always be distracted with thoughts of "what is going on in the other room".

 

Just our "philosophy" and we respect the full-swap couples. But we have felt that some couples have turned us down at a club because we weren't full-swap swingers.

 

We even have had a MFM 3-some at our place and the oher guy was very satisfied and had a great time with a soft-swap 3-some. Well, maybe it wasn't completely soft as he did anal to my wife, no DP (yet). But we figured if he couldn't go into my wife's pussy he could still slide his C*CK in her tush!

[fun4usnh 15]

Oh come on people we have to learn somehow and what better way than w/newbies.It's like hiring a new employee that has no experience, you teach them your way and they have no bad habits...hmmmm, that's a good idea huh.

REMEMBER you were all newbies once yourselfs

[ShellyM 0]

I think the last post was harsh. I was asked my preference, so please don't get on people for being honest and saying they do not swing with soft swing couples. I have absolutely nothing against soft swingers. Would I swing with them? Honestly probably not. Not because I have anything against them or think of them less than other couples, but I just would prefer a couple who does full swap.

[JTcamp05 9]

Just a quick reply....No .....its a waist of time in our minds.......flirting leads to soft stuff....which leads to harder stuff...which leads to sex..... Thats what happens!

 

Thast ok if that is your type of swinging, just please be forthright about your expectations to others...no last minute suprises.

[good times 991]

Thast ok if that is your type of swinging, just please be forthright about your expectations to others...no last minute suprises.

This is so important, most people don't realize how important it is to tell the other couple if you have any out of the ordinary rules or limitations before you get to the playroom. It can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing for all involved if you don't.

 

An example (sorry, a bit long),

 

We met a couple at the club that were pretty new, but they came to the club almost every weekend and we got to know them pretty well after several months, but since we go real slow with newbie’s, it took that long before we all decided we wanted to play together.

 

On the night we finally decided to get a room, they approached us and suggested we play and we agreed. Since we had known each other for some time and it is no secret that we are a straight full swap couple that is what we were expecting. As we were going to the room one of our friends asked what we were doing, and when I told her we were going to a room she jokingly said, "See you in two minutes". My wife and the other couple proceeded to go to the room but I stopped to use the restroom on the way. A couple minutes later I walk into the room to see my wife saying to the guy, "No way, we aren't doing that”, she then headed out of the room collecting a very surprised me on the way saying, "we are going to the hot tub". When we showed up in the hot tub room, our friend was very surprised that we had indeed been gone for around two minutes.

 

Turns out that when my wife and the other couple got in the room and started preparing for some play, the guy said to her, "Oh, by the way, your husband can go all the way with my wife, but you and I can only soft swap". Funny thing is if they had discussed this with us ahead of time, it probably would have been fine with us if they just played with me, turns out they prefer MFM. But as it was, what he said to my wife took her so by surprise that in retrospect we could have handled it better than we did, and it was extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable for all involved.

 

As a footnote, in case anyone has read this far and wonders how it all turned out. We have since had a chance to clear the air with this couple and remain good friends, and they have even said that should they change their minds and decide that he is allowed to play in the future, they wood like another chance with us.

[ShellyM 0]

should they change their minds and decide that he is allowed to play in the future, they wood like another chance with us.

 

Am I the only one that this bothers? I mean, I read your post and I agree with everything your wife did, they should have been more forthcoming. But I don't understand how one is "allowed" to go all the way, and the other may be "allowed" if they decide. I don't know, but that always seems selfish to me.

However, thats jmo.

[Mr. Hump alot 15]

where new to this so that's fine for us

[WesternSwing 504]

Am I the only one that this bothers? I mean, I read your post and I agree with everything your wife did, they should have been more forthcoming. But I don't understand how one is "allowed" to go all the way, and the other may be "allowed" if they decide. I don't know, but that always seems selfish to me.

However, thats jmo.

Yea and nay. It would be nice to know up front. We've run into the same with newbies but it has been the other way around for us. Since we do play solo as well, we don't have to be with the same couple or both members of the couple for that matter. So there have been times when Mrs. WS has been with another man and down the road I have been blocked from playing with his wife even though she really wants to play with me.

 

Sometimes it's just preference, other times it's newbie insecurity. Either way, it's annoying, and from what I can see it builds resentment in the member of the couple that is not allowed to play with those of the opposite sex. It all seems fine at first, but down the road they finally want the playing field level.

 

Mr. WS

[SouthBond 18]

We became friends with this really nice and attractive virgin married couple. We had been sharing XXX movies for several weeks when they brought up the idea of doing soft swing. All they wanted to do was give everybody massages. We invited them over to our house. Spread blankets out in front of the fireplace, turned the lights down low, had a few glasses of wine and got naked. We massaged everything but no oral or intercourse. We ended the evening with the girls jerking off the guys. We agreed that we would meet them for another session in two weeks. Two days before we were to meet them the other wife called and said that they couldn't wait to see us and tell about their adventure. We met and they began telling us about how they had gone to a lifestyle convention in Nevada and had done full swap with 2 different couples. The kicker was that the wife said that they didn't use condoms with total strangers and now they were ready to do full swap with us. My wife got mad and said no because she didn't want to take a chance of getting an STD and two she wanted to pop the cherry of a new couple. Since we had introduced them to swinging, they could have at least been loyal enough to give us their first full swap. For me, I sure missed not getting to score that good looking wife. So we don't play soft swing.

[ShellyM 0]

For me, I sure missed not getting to score that good looking wife. So we don't play soft swing.

 

Hello. Now, I want to tell you that I agree with most of your post. It would have probably irritated me that they are soft only with us and go full throttle with strangers.

 

However, I have to tell you that I don't like the "score" comment. I KNOW you meant nothing demeaning about it. But I'm not a score on a tally. I am a woman, and I would hate to think of a man thinking of me as just a "score", something that was just conquered.

 

But, thats jmo.

[Guest MrsVan]

For MrVan and I, we both realize that there are going to be couples we meet that are going to be new like we once were and that sometimes you have to be patient. If we met a couple that it was their first time, we will let them know that we are not into soft swap all the time and that we would like to see things progress with no pressure to a full swap. If they do not feel like this would happen for them and that soft swap is all they could do, then we would not play.

 

We do not mind the first meet up or second to be a soft but after that, there needs to be more. I find the full swap more exciting for many reasons facelick and if I cannot finish what I started with that person then it doesn't have that same excitement for me. I can be a very flirtatious woman and when I start something with a play partner I want to be able to finish it all and being able to get the guy turned on, keep him interested and then being able to totally please him is the hightlight for me and if I cannot do that then why bother playing?

 

MrsVan

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

I voted "maybe" in this poll simply because I have learned never to say never in the lifestyle. I am constantly surprised by the twists and turns in the road. Soft swap would certainly not be our first choice however. Our play times are so infrequent now that school is back in session that we want to maximize every opportunity.

 

Chip

[Tybee Swing 286]

We met and they began telling us about how they had gone to a lifestyle convention in Nevada and had done full swap with 2 different couples. The kicker was that the wife said that they didn't use condoms with total strangers and now they were ready to do full swap with us. My wife got mad and said no because she didn't want to take a chance of getting an STD and two she wanted to pop the cherry of a new couple. Since we had introduced them to swinging, they could have at least been loyal enough to give us their first full swap. For me, I sure missed not getting to score that good looking wife. So we don't play soft swing.

 

Hi there,

 

I agree with your wife about the STD risk with them after their convention adventure. We don't ride bareback with anybody, anyway. But even moreso, after what they'd just done with strangers. You said your wife nixed it because of that. Didn't you agree? Or, were you willing to go ahead, anyway?

 

...and two she wanted to pop the cherry of a new couple. Since we had introduced them to swinging, they could have at least been loyal enough to give us their first full swap.

 

On the other point, getting mad because you two didn't get to be the ones to "pop their cherry", that seems selfish. Were you with them to swing, or were you with them just because they're newbies? That sounds like the boys in high school who only dated virgins because they were virgins, just to nail them (cold). I can understand some disappointment over that if that's why you were mainly interested in them, but to cut them off because you two weren't there first seems kind of weird to me. They don't have to be "loyal" to anybody but each other in swinging. They didn't owe you their cherry. A lifestyle convention is a really fast track, they were there, they went with it. It's their prerogative to choose when, where and with whom they'll start full swinging.

[havefuninsun 122]

We don't mind soft swap ... I think a lot of soft swap couples evenually become full-swap couples. It's just their way of easing into their comfort zone, and making sure there's no green headed monster hiding under the sheets.

 

Goodtimes, we would have played if we had known the rules ahead of time as well. I'm fine with different play "rules" if we know them up front; it's when they come as a surprise people's feelings may become "hurt" (for lack of a better word). I love to see Mr. Fun having fun ... and vice versa. So I wouldn't have felt "jaded" not to have played fully with the other Mr. Mr. Fun would gladly fulfill that need for me

[SouthBond 18]

OK girls, beat me, whip me. Pop their cherry and score were very unsensitive words to use. I should have said my wife wanted to share one of the most wonderful moments in the sexual experience and I should have said that I was extremely attracted to the other wife and wanted give her the gift of love. I just slipped off into the gutter of basic emotions and desire. It's really good to see that the participants on this forum have such lofty standards of sexual encounters. I would have been more than happy to have used a super deluxe all weather condom and bonded with the other very attractive wife.

[good times 991]

But I don't understand how one is "allowed" to go all the way, and the other may be "allowed" if they decide. I don't know, but that always seems selfish to me.

Yep, that is what we think about it too, and those are their words not mine. They said they tried full swap once and they were uncomfortable with him being with another woman so he was no longer "allowed" to do that.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here--Here's what I just find odd about soft swapping: Sucking a guy's cock in my mouth is fine, but having it inside my pussy is crossing some personal 'line' ? I don't get it . The truth is, if I think a man's cock is worth sucking, it's certainly worth fucking with.

[DGrey 28]

We prefer not to play with soft swingers. The thrill for both of us is watching one another have sex with someone else.

 

E

[HappyPeople 17]

We'd do it if it "just happened" because we're not shy about having sex.

 

Would we seek it out? No.

Would we meet with a couple just for it? No.

Would we turn it down at a club? Yes.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

OK girls, beat me, whip me. Pop their cherry and score were very unsensitive words to use. I should have said my wife wanted to share one of the most wonderful moments in the sexual experience and I should have said that I was extremely attracted to the other wife and wanted give her the gift of love. I just slipped off into the gutter of basic emotions and desire. It's really good to see that the participants on this forum have such lofty standards of sexual encounters. I would have been more than happy to have used a super deluxe all weather condom and bonded with the other very attractive wife.

 

I prefer to use the words deflower and consumate :rollseyes

 

I think people are balking a bit because they wouldn't want you refering to them that way. Bang, screw, hit that, getting a piece....etc. You can think whatever you want, but people who SAY everything they think usually don't get anywhere. Just something to remember .

 

Pepper

[SandB 15]

We are a soft swing couple who have been in the lifestyle for over 10 years. We are very comfortable with our decision and are very up front with it in our ad's and when we meet new couples. My partner can make a man cum with her mouth that is as exciting as engaging in intercourse and I have been told I am very orally talented as well. We love the life we lead, the people we meet (and party with) and the fun we have but we reserve one thing for ourselves that is special. If others do not understand or are not willing to accept than they are missing out not us.

[des1re06 200]

Yes, the majority of our experience has been soft swap, and has been very enjoyable. I'm including FF, as I've just learned recently how to "f*ck like a boy" with ladies who enjoy strap-ons.

 

Mrs. D

[oc1234 435]

We have played with soft swingers a number of times and enjoy it a lot. We prefer

full swap and MMF more, but soft swinging is very nice too.

[3sumff 31]

We don't care really! Actually, starting off with a little soft swing first is good ice breaker. Then work up to the full swing! Oral play to orgasm feels so damn good!